#the flavor of capri-sun Vash is drinking is only available in the UK | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dozenssporks · 2 months

Text

It's All Fun And Games

*the video begins with a closeup of Vash's face, his eyes covered by his glasses. He is drinking a pouch of blackcurrant-apple capri-sun. The camera moves slowly downward to reveal a second pouch sitting on Vash's chest as he reclines. The second pouch has the straw poked through the back*

*milly speaks from off-camera*

MIlly: so, Mr. The Stampede, how are you today?

Vash, speaking around the straw: Please, call me Mordecai

Milly: I didn't know your name was Mordecai!

Vash: It isn't.

Milly: oh, okay! Now I just have a few questions for you, Mordecai--

*wolfwood speaks from behind the camera*

Wolfwood: first, I have a question, big girl: what's with the, uh, new style?

*camera pans out and over to the right where Milly is sitting on a closed toilet seat. The room, apparently a bathroom, is small and beige colored. In contrast Milly is wearing a bright rainbow colored clown wig and a clown mask that covers the upper half of her face*

Milly, speaking into a hairbrush like it's a microphone: It's for anomaly!

*a few seconds of silence pass*

Wolfwood: . . . do you mean 'anonymity'?

Milly: yeah!

Wolfwood: alrighty then, please continue

*Milly extends the hairbrush to Vash. The camera follows. Vash is reclining in the tub, fully dressed from sunglasses to boots. His legs are bent and feet braced on the wall in order for him to fit into the space.*

Milly: Mr. Vash, is it true what I heard? That you're responsible for the destruction of a small town in Canada?

Vash, taking the straw out of his mouth: unfounded rumors, Miss Big Girl. No truth at all.

Milly: Is that so--

Vash: for one thing it was Alaska and for another it wasn't my fault and for another another the only thing actually destroyed was a five story tall parking garage. Which again is not my fault. I'm being unjustly persecuted!

Wolfwood: You were existing in the area so it's probably your fault, needle-noggin

Milly: now now, Mr. Woowoo, this is an un-ballasted interview and you can't just interrupt with mean things

Vash: yeah, like she said!

*the camera dips down, as if the person behind it is lowering it so he can look directly at Vash and Milly*

Wolfwood: Ballast--? Biased? Um, Woowoo?!

Milly, cheerfully: yes!

Vash: you heard the lady, Woowoo.

Wolfwood: no. NO. do not. Do not even start.

*the camera leans forward and wolfwood grabs the shower curtain, throwing it across the tub, completely hiding Vash*

*the camera pulls back and focuses on Milly*

Wolfwood: you know what, big girl, how would you like a tell-all interview from an anonymous source that reveals the Humanoid Typhoon's bizarre and deranged sleeping habits?

*Vash sticks his head out from behind the curtain*

Vash: They are perfectly normal sleep habits! You're just ballasted!

Wolfwood: You were under the bed! You grabbed my ankle!

Vash: I was trying to turn off the alarm! It's not my fault your ankle was in the wrong place! You broke three of my fingers when you stomped down!

Wolfwood: don't be such a wuss, it was only your left hand, wasn't it?

*Milly moves her hairbrush microphone back and forth between Vash and Wolfwood, nodding and making interested noises*

*the bathroom door slams open and the camera swings wildly around and when it settles everything is at a tilted angle and a pair of small white shoes can be seen marching into the bathroom*

*all three of them scream*

*vash hides behind the shower curtain*

*the shower curtain is yanked back open. Vash lets out a high-pitched scream and clutches at the plastic sheet like he's trying to cover himself modestly*

Meryl: What are you--stop screaming! It's just me! What are you all doing in here?

Milly, from off screen: Just clowning around, ma'am!

Meryl: Then what're all these empty cans and bottles? Shampoo?

*all three giggle. the camera returns to it's proper angle, showing only the back of Meryl's head*

Milly: no, ma'am, that's booze!

Wolfwood: way to blow our cover!

Vash: narc!

Meryl: did you think there was even a chance I'd believe you were, I dunno, teaching them about the dangers of the grape and how it paves the path to sin?

Wolfwood: more of wheat and rye, but yeah.

*Meryl pulls back the shower curtain again and snatches the capri-sun Vash was trying to put the straw into*

Meryl, stabbing the straw with deadly precision and taking a long sip of juice: great, now I'm the designated driver by default because you guys couldn't wait fifteen minutes for me to pick up the snacks!

Wolfwood: why would you need to drive? just pop one open!

Meryl: because the cops are three doors down and we need to get out of here now!

*a moment of stunned silence broken only by Vash making sad noises and stretching out his arm to get his juice back from Meryl*

*all three scream while Meryl continues to drink her stolen juice*

Meryl: move it or lose it, people, the car is warmed up and ready to go.

*a finger jabs at the camera, apparently an attempt to turn off the recording, but it's unsuccessful and the recording continues, showing flashes of discolored gray carpet and beige walls of what is probably a motel room*

*distantly Vash can be heard crying*

Vash: um, my legs cramped and are locked into this position! Um, guys? Guys! Heeelllp--

*the lighting changes as the camera crosses over a threshold and goes outdoors. From the poor image quality it's hard to tell if the cameraman jumped over the railing into the parking lot below, or if they just dropped the camera*

*Vash is still crying when the screen turns black*

#trigun #a dozen sporks speaks #trigun modern au #trigun on the run au #running on vibes #trigun snippets #they are absolutely swizzled. completely skunked. Meryl is too sober for this.#Vash in the tub appeared to me in a vision followed closely by Milly in a clown wig #the flavor of capri-sun Vash is drinking is only available in the UK #so they're either in the UK or Vash just came from there with a box of juice in tow

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