Chapter Eight

Pairings: Bucky x reader

Warnings: Kind of angsty. 

Word Count: 2053

A/N: That’s all of the old chapters updated now so I’ll offically be starting work on the rest of the series this week. Taglist is OPEN. Feedback is appreciated!

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The ring on your finger felt heavy as you stood next to Bucky, his arm in it’s usual spot around your waist, in front of your friends and his family. It had been his idea to throw an engagement party. Your stomach was churning and you felt sick, your brain was spinning with worry at how everyone was going to react. You take a sip of wine, to steel your nerves, as Bucky calls attention to the both of you. “Whilst we were away a few weeks ago, I asked the beautiful woman next to me a very important question” he starts and you can hear everyone in the room murmuring between themselves. “I asked her to marry me,” he continues and reaches for your hand, flashing the ring to everyone in the room. They all erupt into cheers, whilst Nat and Wanda rush forward from the crowd to gush over the ring and congratulate you - surprised you had been successful in hiding it from them for so long. For some reason, it does nothing to quell the nauseous feeling in your stomach. You swallow the lump in your throat and put a smile on your face,joining in with the celebrations.

“Is everything okay, doll?” Bucky asks later when Johnathan is driving you back to the apartment. You nod, rubbing your forehead. “Mhmm, I’m just feeling a little under the weather. I think it’s the stress from work,” you tell him, giving him a tense smile. It’s true that work had been much more stressful for you since Bucky had moved things around and created a new division, which you were now in charge of. You now worked with graduates of Stark’s business program who were looking for internships or permanent employment. “Why don’t you take the rest of the week off? I can get someone to cover for you,” he suggests and you shake him off with a wave of your hand, shutting down the conversation immediately. “I’ll have Elizabeth make you some chamomile tea when we get in, does that sound good?” Bucky says, wrapping an arm around your shoulder. You just nod in reply, your eyes dropping with exhaustion. Maybe you were working yourself too hard, but you weren’t going to slow down or take a break. You had heard some of the female staff whispering about you and how you had only gotten your promotion cause you were, quote unquote, fucking the boss and you were determined to prove them wrong.

The next week, you’re not feeling much better but try your best to ignore the nauseous feeling that seems to constantly be swirling in your stomach. You also spend a lot of your time trying to ignore the growing concern in Bucky’s eyes. He was worried about you and pushing for you to take a break which had resulted in a few arguments that you were sure the whole office had heard. You walked into your office - you no longer shared with Bucky, and at the moment, you were grateful for the space from- to find him standing at your desk. “Let’s not rehash the argument from earlier, James, please” you say to him softly, walking over to your desk and dropping a stack of files on it. “I’m not here to argue” he says holding his hands up in mock surrender.”You have a phone call in my office, they said it’s urgent” he says, concern spread across his face. You gesture for him to lead the way and follow him to his office.You immediately saunter over to his desk when you get there and pick up the office phone, “Y/F/N Y/L/N speaking.” Your blood runs cold at the voice on the end of the line. It’s your mother. “Y/N, darling! I just heard the wonderful news. You’re marrying James Barnes!” She gushes down the phone at you. You clench your jaw, willing away the tears that threatened to well in your eyes. It feels as if all your old wounds of rejection are reopening knowing that she hadn’t called to ask how you’d been doing the last few years or how proud she was of the career you’d made for yourself. “Yes, mother. I’m marrying James Barnes. Thank you for your congratulations but I have to go” you say, slamming the phone down on her. As you do , you briefly hear her shout  “Wait, Y/N. We need to talk about your father. He’s…” As soon as the phone is placed back onto the receiver you let out a strangled cry. Bucky rushes over to you, enveloping you in a hug. You hug him back and sob into his chest for a moment,before suddenly pushing him away and reaching for the office bin. Bucky rubs your back and utters soothing words to you as you throw up. He hands you a tissue once you stop vomiting and you wipe your mouth.”I know. I’ll have Johnathan come and pick me up” yousay, putting a hand up to stop him as he opens his mouth to speak. You turn on your heels to leave his office before turning back to look at him. He’s sitting at his desk now, typing away at the computer. “Bucky” you say,getting his attention. He looks up at you, a soft smile on his face. “I’m sorry” you whisper, wrapping one arm around your waist and wiping away tears with your free hand. “Sorry for what, doll?” he asks, his eyebrows furrowed. He knew you’d been under a lot of stress lately and that blaming you wasn’t going to fix anything. “I’m sorry for how I’ve been acting lately” you admit. You knew you hadn’t been fair to him recently and had been shutting him out a little. “Don’t worry about it. I know things have been hard lately, for the both of us. Now...get yourself home and get some rest,okay?” You nod and head out of the office, texting Johnathan to pick you up.

Bucky comes home from work a few hours later and finds you hanging on to the toilet bowl for dear life,tears streaming down your face.”Y/N!” he gasps out and runs towards you, kneeling down. “What’s wrong?” he asks, the panic in his voice evident. He grabs hold of your face, his eyes raking over you at a rapid pace. “Bucky” you croak out, your voice raw from having thrown up several more times since you had gotten home.”Please don’t be mad” you whisper and his eyebrows furrow. “I think...I think I’m pregnant” you whisper and start crying again. “We haven’t exactly been careful about protection, Y/N” he chuckles softly, trying to break the tension. “So...you’re not mad” you sniffle and he wipes a stray tear from your cheek.”Why would I be mad?” he says, standing up and taking you with him. You just shrug at him, your gaze cast down to the floor. Bucky hooks a finger underneath your chin and brings your head up to look at him. “I’m not mad. I love you and having a family with you was always going to be on the cards...from the minute you agreed to marry me. It might be a little fast but we’ve never been ones to take our relationship slowly” Bucky’s obvious statement elicits a small chuck from you. “God, you’re so cute...even when you’re sick” he says before kissing your forehead and leading you to bed.

Bucky makes an appointment with the doctors for you and the next morning, you find yourself sitting in a waiting room with crisp white walls and dark furniture. You’re waiting for the results of the test that had been administered to you when you first arrived. There’s a clock on the wall ticking loudly and it makes your head pound and your stomach twist with anxiety. Bucky is sitting next to you and he reaches over to squeeze your hand.”Hey, it’ll be fine” he whispers soothingly. A few minutes later, a Korean woman dressed smartly with a lab coat thrown over her clothes enters the room.”Y/F/N Y/L/N?” she says and you and Bucky stand up slowly. “Come on in,” she ushers you through a door and into an office that’s decorated similarly to the waiting room with an examination table in the far right corner and a large desk in the middle of the room with a silver name plaque front and center, ‘Dr Helen Cho’. She takes a seat at the desk and gestures for you and Bucky to sit down. The room is tense with silence for a moment whilst Doctor Cho sifts through the papers on her desk. You glance at Bucky and he softly squeezes your hand and mouths ‘It’s gonna be okay. I love you’.

“The pregnancy test result came back negative” Doctor Cho says, offering you a gentle smile. “Your blood pressure is a little higher than normal which leads me to believe you’re experiencing stress induced vomiting. Our next step is looking at the lifestyle changes we can make to reduce your stress levels and I would…” Doctor Cho’s voice seems to slowly slip away as you try to process that you’re not pregnant. You try to sort through the emotions you’re feeling and the one that strikes you is your disappointment. You’d truly been prepared to hear that you were pregnant. “Thank you, Helen” Bucky’s voice interrupts your internal monologue. “We’ll make the changes you suggested immediately.” Bucky stands up and offers his hand to you. You take it and he helps you up from your chair. Everything around you is hazy as he walks you out of the office and back to the car.

You don’t say much the whole car ride home. In fact, you’re silent for most of the night, trapped in a daze. You can’t stop thinking about how disappointed you are. You’d never given any thought to having children before Bucky and now all you could imagine was getting married and settling down in a nice big house with the sound of children's feet running across the floor.

You’re lying in bed facing away from the door when Bucky comes to bed. He gently slips in next to you and wraps his arm around your waist pulling you closer. “Hey…” he softly whispers to you and it breaks your resolve and the flood gates open. Bucky holds you as you cry. He doesn’t say anything, he just smoothes his hand up and down your back. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m crying. We weren’t exactly planning on starting our family.” You say once you stop crying.You turn over to face him in the darkness and he moves to wipe the tears from your cheeks. “We could be,” Bucky whispers.”If you'd like to, we could start trying.” he continues as he wipes the remaining tears from your eyes. He leaves his hand on your cheek and you snuggle your face into it, pressing a kiss to his palm. “You’d want that?” you ask, unsure if this is what he truly wants or if he’s just trying to placate you. “With you? One hundred perfect. From the moment I saw you, I thought maybe you could be the one I finally find happiness with” he states firmly then kisses your forehead. “Okay, then we’ll start trying.” The affirmation is all Bucky needs before he’s pulling you on top of him and kissing you hard. “I don’t think Doctor Cho had this in mind when she said I had to relax” you say in between laughs. “It’s a scientific fact that an orgasm is a great way to release stress” Bucky cheekily answers you. You laugh and lean down to kiss him. You kiss each other lazily for a few moments before Bucky flips you over so he’s hovering above you. “We could start trying right this minute” he says as he kisses your neck. You laugh at him again until he kisses the spot on your neck that he knows drives you crazy, and then you’re sighing in pleasure.

As Bucky makes love to you, a smile graces your face and you think about your future together.