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#the biggest reason why I lost focus on them was bc I prioritized engaging in fandom
dahldahlbills
·
2 months
Text
I really need to get serious about personal projects again
#I think I said something like this last year too lol
#currently in a weird headspace about it
#the biggest reason why I lost focus on them was bc I prioritized engaging in fandom
#(something that I never really did when I was focused on publishing a few years back)
#so part of me feels like in order to make considerable progress on projects again I need to cut myself off from fandom
#and I kinda have been weening myself off a bit from animanga but not really for that reason
#it was mostly bc I was getting overwhelmed by how much I was consuming and I wanted to appreciate things fully
#I don’t think I’d cut myself off from fandom completely either I’d still try to keep up with stuff
#but the idea of not engaging in fandom anymore kinda.. scares me?
#idk I feel like a major loser admitting this lol
#it just feels like I’d lose a lot of connections with people
#and would lose a lot of the love I have for stories if I’m not actively interacting with them :(
#and then there’s also that stupid feeling of being a ‘fake fan’ because I’m not dedicating every single second of free time to fandom
#which is dumb bc like I have a life and need to make money yknow I got things to do
#im just Stressed bc I’m at such a critical stage career wise and im getting closer to 26 so hhhhh healthcare coverage will be up in the air
#so I really can’t afford to dawdle
#there’s just so much I wanna do and while I’m not necessarily racing to get it done I still want to take advantage of the time I have
#but it also sucks feeling like I’m giving up a part of myself to progress on another part of myself
#I don’t think any of this makes sense sorry I just needed to dump my thoughts bc I am Terrified™️
#anyway personal projects! gotta get back to those !
#blahblahbills
#delete later
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