#that if sheng lingyuan had never loved aluojin at all，he would never have had to destroy him
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still not over the way Sheng Lingyuan uses Aluojin's dagger rather than Tong for the whole... uh... Sequence In The Cave.
as if trying even then to preserve some last shred of xiao-Ji's innocence, trying to ensure that at least in this one most atrocious act, only his own hands would be stained. As if knowing he must carry the weight of this terrible deed but wanting to spare the little sword spirit the blood of those who once tended the pear tree in the closest thing they ever had to a home.
like. in this moment Sheng Lingyuan is a weapon trying to act as a shield, to a child forced (forged) to act as a weapon.
#烈火浇愁#so instead he uses the dagger aluojin once gifted him!#because that'll hurt so much less!!!!#but that too is so representative of the relationship between sheng lingyuan and aluojin#that if aluojin had never given sheng lingyuan that blade，sheng lingyuan could not have plunged it into his heart#that if sheng lingyuan had never loved aluojin at all，he would never have had to destroy him#that if they had never meant anything to one another， it would not have had to end like this#but if they had never meant anything to one another，then all may have been lost long before#anyway everything about this story hurts SO MUCH MORE on reread/rewatch#(do not ask me how many times i have watched donghua ep8)#back on my liehuo bullshit i say as if i were ever not on my liehuo bullshit
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lhjc said who needs time loops when you can watch the same character die at your protagonist’s hands, calling him brother with his last breath, three times in a row in canon
#烈火浇愁#and of course said protagonist (deuteragonist? whatever) remains expressionless and unmoved (apparently)#but sheng lingyuan and aluojin's friendship was first formed when sheng lingyuan /saved/ him#and it was destroyed because sheng lingyuan couldn't help saving him again and again#and it was destroyed because aluojin was so certain even in his most desperate moments that sheng lingyuan would save him#and sheng lingyuan tried. and he couldn't. and so instead he killed him.#and now he never gets to escape killing him.#he has to re-make that choice again and again and again#aluojin asks him when they first meet again in the present#whether he would make the same choices if they had a chance to do it all again#and sheng lingyuan isn't even given the mercy of answering theoretically#he has to answer in the affirmative again and again by /doing it/#the tragedy of these two is that killing aluojin is always the lesser of evils#the tragedy of these two is that aluojin does not forgive him but gently calls him brother as he dies#the tragedy of these two is that it always had to (has to) be this way#the tragedy of these two is that if they had never loved each other it wouldn't have had to be this way
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