#thanks iceh this turned out REAL LONG | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rainsnires · 3 years

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51 and please do remember to include the prompt line this time

ur lucky you’re getting a story at all bully >:(

AN YWAYS it took me forever to figure out who to do for this bc yuki/leland is like my only canon ship and I’m sick of writing them rn

eventually I decided to do adam/caleb from the infinite noise since they’re all I care about at the moment - I know you don’t know them but they’re cute trust me

“Hey, Adam?”

I look up, pulled away from deep concentration on my homework, to see Caleb looking at me with an expression I can only describe as...concern? Sometimes I feel like it’s just a little bit unfair that Caleb has a superpower that lets him just know whatever I’m feeling, meanwhile I’m stuck trying to piece things together from the outside like everyone else. I know there are plenty of downsides to Caleb’s ability, but I feel like overall it would make the world a lot less complicated to just know.

“Yeah, what is it?” I reply casually, kicking my legs idly behind me as I look back at my homework.

“I...” A pause. “I need to talk to you about something.”

“Okay, what is it?”

“Can you look at me?”

And I do. I glance up again, and Caleb looks so serious that my stomach drops instantly. Oh....so we’re not having a conversation, we’re having a talk.

I sit up on the bed, trying to keep my expression level even though I know there’s no point.

“Okay,” I repeat, folding my arms and angling myself towards him to show that he has my full attention. “What is it? Is something wrong?”

“I...” He hesitates again, making that slight frown that I’ve come to know as his ‘words are hard’ face. “So, you know how I can feel your feelings, right?”

“Woah no way, really? I had no idea,” I deadpan, and instantly regret it as I see pain flash across his face instead of the laugh I expected to see there.

“Ok, no, I’m sorry,” I backpedal as far as I can, because now it looks like Caleb is on the verge of tears, and I’m having to try hard not to completely panic. What is happening right now? Is this...is he about to - what, break up with me? Tell me it’s been fun, but he’s found someone else, someone who’s not quite so gloom and doom and who’s actually, you know, fun to be around?

“Adam, are you scared of me?”

“What?”

For a moment, I’m at a genuine loss for words, so taken aback by this very much not going in the direction my horror movie producing brain had decided to take it that I can’t quite figure out how to react.

“...What makes you say that?” I ask at last, hesitant to say anything at all because I have no idea where this came from.

Caleb frowns, and looks down at his hands.

“So, my mom. Her parents are...” He hesitates, and I raise an eyebrow, trying to follow his line of thought. “They’re not good. They’re actually really like...really fucking bad people, and that’s why they don’t usually come around, because my parents make up excuses not to see them.”

Oh. Okay...

I still don’t know where he’s going with any of this, but this particular piece of information, although surprising, I at least know how to respond to.

“I’m sorry, that’s awful,” I tell him, and I’m glad I don’t have to try to make my tone genuine for him to pick up on it.

“But they do come around sometimes,” he continues. “And when they do, my mom gets like...really different. Don’t get me wrong, she gets sad or scared sometimes, everyone does, but when her parents are around, it’s way stronger. It’s like this awful thick fog of sadness and fear and loneliness that pushes its way into her and pushes all the other feelings - all her feelings - out. And she’s never like that otherwise - not that bad, anyway.”

“It sounds like they really hurt her,” I offer, keeping my sympathetic face on as my mind works overtime to figure out how any of this connects. “And that’s really awful - but what does it have to do with me being afraid of you?”

“Sometimes I can feel your feelings when you don’t know I’m there,” he says, and then cuts me off before I can respond. “Not in a creepy way, I don’t like, spy on you or anything - “ he rushes to assure me, even though I hadn’t assumed he did. “But like, when I’m in the room with you and you don’t know it yet, or when you’re in the next classroom over from me. When I’m not there, your still have all the normal feelings - fear, anger, sadness, happiness, excitement. But it’s like they’re all...quiet, I guess? Like someone threw a blanket over them so they’re all covered up and soft and muted.”

“That sounds about right,” I tell him honestly, nodding in confirmation, but not adding onto that, partly because I don’t know what else to say about it, and partly because Caleb is already continuing his train of thought.

“But when I’m there, and we’re hanging out and stuff, it’s different. Like, way different. When we’re together, your feelings are all sharp and loud and bright and jagged. And you’re not usually scared - not really, anyway. Maybe kind of...nervous sometimes, but when you’re around me, sometimes you feel super scared, like in a big way, and it can be a super overwhelming emotion to feel from you.”

That stings a little. Caleb has told me before that he likes all my feelings - good and bad - but maybe he’s finally ready to eat his words on that topic.

“Well, I’m sorry being around my feelings sucks so much.” It’s a petty thing to say, I know that, but Caleb calling my feelings hard to deal with hits just close enough to the quick to make me defensive.

“No, it’s not that!” Caleb waves his hands, and I glance up, caught off guard by his panicked movements. “I do like your feelings, whatever they look like, but I mean that they seem worse for you when I’m around, and that’s how it is for my mom when she’s around her parents, and and - “ He breaks off, and I want to say something, anything, to stop this cascade from getting any further, of swallowing him up any more, but he continues before I can even think. “And I know you’re scared of some of my team because of how they treat you at school, and I know I can get really fucking angry sometimes, but I would never hurt you. And I never want to do anything to hurt you, so - so if I make you scared, if I make you feel unsafe - I’d rather you tell me so I can leave you alone. I won’t get mad, I just want you to be happy, and if you’re scared around me -

“Caleb!”

I interject finally, because Caleb’s voice has grown steadily from hesitant mumbling to full on shouting, and my own heart is racing along with his as I get pulled in, seeing the person I love so much look at me with that much pain on his face.

“Caleb, love, I have never been scared of you. Ever,” I tell him, reaching forward to grab his hands and clasp them firmly between mine. “Caleb, look at me.”

He looks up, barely meeting my eyes, and I hold his gaze, determined to show him just how wrong he is. Now that I think about it, I’m cursing myself for not explaining earlier, because how perfectly tragic is it that Caleb...gentle, kind, harmless Caleb...would assume that he’s the reason I feel so afraid all the time.

“You don’t make me afraid,” I continue, shaking his hand a little to give my words the emphasis they need. “You make me feel. And yeah, sometimes that means that I feel more sad or scared around you than I would otherwise, but that’s just because I’m feeling anything at all. That’s not a given for me like it is for you, and the reason you bring out those bad feelings isn’t because you’re the cause of them, it’s because you bring out all of my feelings. Good and bad. You light them up in a way no one else has ever been able to. You don’t make me feel scared, you make me feel alive.”

Caleb is quiet after that. He’s quiet so long that I’m beginning to worry I misread this entire situation and gave completely the wrong speech, and I’m about to try and backpedal somehow when he finally breaks the silence.

“...Oh.” He pauses. “Well, that’s...good, I...guess.”

Ah...there’s the emotionally stunted boy I fell in love with. For a minute there, it was looking like I’d lost him for good.

“It is good, right?” He looks up at me, worried, and I instantly break into a smile that turns into a soft laugh as I shake my head, looking down at our hands, still clasped together.

“Yeah, it’s good,” I laugh, rolling my eyes. “I like how I feel around you. Even if it can be more than I’m used to sometimes.”

“Well, I like how I feel around you too,” says Caleb, and we both lie back down, untangling our fingers for a moment as I turn sideways, leaning my head on his chest as he puts his hands behind his head, looking up at the ceiling.

“Well, good. That works out then,” I say lightly, and he snorts, tolerating my antics.

“You are such a dork,” he laughs, pulling me closer and ruffling my hair affectionately.

“Shut up. You love it,” I counter.

“Yeah,” he says, heaving a deep, longsuffering sigh as he moves his free hand to rest on my head. “Yeah, I guess I do.”

#thanks iceh this turned out REAL LONG #it was fun tho #the infinite noise #tbs #rain writes

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