#tbh this is for my own peace of mind because i'm still unsure about things even after all i've read/heard/seen | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

i-luvsang · 7 months

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in the light of the recent situation or whatever you want to call it with mingi and that anime, i'm pausing my writing for him for at least a little bit. i understand a lot of people think his name has been "cleared" on this topic, but after doing my own research and trying to understand the fancall myself, i'm deciding to air on the side of caution. unless you have helpful and creditable information or want to have a civil/productive convo about it, let's not talk about it because i don't have the emotional space for anything that's not civil and willing to come to an understanding of my point of view (as i want to be civil and am willing to understand other people's points of view). some more detail in the tags :)

#and if you really want to know exactly my thoughts and how i came to this conclusion please dm me #i have a giant long post about it written up #but i don't really find it necessary to share unless someone is curious about my decision and how i got here #note the word curious--not critical :)#tbh this is for my own peace of mind because i'm still unsure about things even after all i've read/heard/seen #and i'd rather not worry about it when trying to write things that are just silly goofy and literally 100% for funsies #if you don't agree with that for whatever reason #that's okay #again if you're up for civil conversation i totally am too!

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funkymbtifiction · 1 year

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Hi Charity,

First of all I hope you're doing well, and I wanted to say thank you for all your posts over the years, I'll miss them popping up in my feed!

I read the ask about the ESFJ 6 who was unsure about how to handle their relationships with 9s, and while I found your response very pertinent, I thought I'd add something.

I'm pretty sure I'm a 9w1 INFP btw. I just wanted to talk about this sentence of yours:

But all the 9 is thinking about is "how can I reintroduce peace into my life? By getting rid of this person who is disrupting my peace!".

I think this is a very "thinkery" way of putting it, and while it will probably speak to the asker, I wouldn't say that it's really what's happening from the point of view of a 9. It makes it sound kind of callous and heartless from my point of view.

In the same sort of situation, I wouldn't be thinking that. I probably wouldn't be thinking very much, actually. It may not be the same for all 9s, but the thing is I don't even think in words. I think in pictures, and most of all I feel. I feel a lot. I feel energies. So if I wanted to text or call someone in that kind of situation, and tbh I probably wouldn't want to, I would feel I "have" too, I would grab my phone, but then start to feel "bad" (anxious or sad or angry or anything really), and I would automatically start doing something else and even forget about what I was about to do.

Bad energy > not doing that

And if it happened every time I tried to contact someone, then I just wouldn't contact them, unless at some point the "bad feeling of not doing something I feel I have to do" gets stronger than the "bad feeling I have when I try to do the bad-energy thing". Or unless Actual Real Life Consequences (sometimes not even then).

(when it gets really tricky and mind-bendingly stupid is when the bad energy comes from not having done the thing you felt you had to do, so you don't respond because YOU FEEL BAD YOU HAVEN'T RESPONDED yes that's ridiculous thank you)

(Also sometimes I write entire texts or emails in the shower and promptly forget about them the second my foot touches the mat but my brains registers the task as done ✅ but that's another issue.

Also also sometimes I feel like something needs a Proper Response and I just don't have the energy for that, so I don't do it, when the person would probably have been happy with a few words/sentences. The length of this is probably indicative of what I deem a Proper Response. Sorry about that.)

Add to that the fact that I can not speak to someone for like two YEARS and pick it up as if nothing has changed, so when I was younger (and still sometimes now, especially since COVID has further eroded my capacity to evaluate time), it wouldn't even have occurred to me that someone could be sad/angry/worried if I didn't get back to them for a few weeks (oh was that last week already? Where does time go, eh?), let alone a few days (unless in case of Urgent Stuff and Important Things and romantic relationships).

Left to my own devices, I kind of float through life, and my mind always has something to think about (of course mostly fantasies and philosophical stuff and memories, not much productive), and I always have more fun hobbies to try and things I've been wanting to do and putting off, and people and communication takes a lot out of me, so they often fall by the wayside, but as you said it doesn't mean that I don't think or care about people.

What I mean to say is that I wouldn't actually think "I need to drop this person", it would just happen gradually because I would time and again just not deal with the problem because bad energy. And a lot of the time the dropping would be done by the other person because of it. Or the relationship would just mutually die of neglect.

It's pretty much been my life's struggle, and now I need to actively tell myself "if you don't do this now, you probably won't do it at all" and force myself to see that I'm making a choice RIGHT NOW by ignoring something, but I think especially for young and/or immature 9s it's not actually a conscious decision, nor is it mean-spirited. I have to remind myself of the consequences for other people too, and of their personal preferences. Paradoxically but not really, if I know someone is like me then there's much less pressure to communicate and I'd naturally do it more than with someone who would need it more, which really sucks for everyone.

But sometimes if both people in a relationship have to constantly make huge efforts not to hurt the other person's feelings, then maybe it's not the right person, or not the right time, and maybe they're better off finding other people with whom things won't be as difficult.

Anyway, since I've been in that kind of relationship before, just thought I'd share my side of it in the hope that very thinkery types may see that sometimes we just don't think about things. And we can be very sorry about that.

Wish you all the best Charity!

Thanks for sharing and clarifying with me, I appreciate it :)

I wish I had known more about 9s and their tendency to "forget" time and pick up where they left off as if it never happened years ago -- my relationship with a lot of 9s would have been a lot different and healthier on both our sides.

I also suspect (at last, I assumed this for 9s I have known in the past) that once the 9 becomes consciously aware of not answering someone for a long time, sometimes there's anxiety centered in whether that person is "upset" with them that delays them even longer.

6s have to grow toward 9 to get healthier, so it's interesting to me how often I ignore my gut instincts (like talking to this person makes me feel bad... but doing nothing about it) and default into my own inertia -- I have both some of that 9ish tendency to numb out and ignore things and hope they go away through my 9 line, but I have to learn to better use my 9 to actually obey what my feelings and body are telling me (that this relationship isn't what I want, so move away from it / decrease the stress in my life).

#question #enneagram #enneagram 9

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captivemuses · 1 year

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1, 9, 16. (For Childe and Gorou.)

Vanilla Sunday Meme

1 - Is your muse a romantic? Do they dream of love and marriage?

Before he joined the Fatui, growing up in a large family with numerous siblings Childe always had the assumption that someday he'd have a spouse and kids of his own to add to his already big family and they'd all be happy staying in their hometown. But then everything happened with him in the Abyss and getting sent off to the Fatui, and Childe just never left and even became a Harbinger. So after his devotion to the Tsaritsa and traveling around Teyvat to serve her and become stronger became his number one priority, the old ideas of him getting married and settling down with an ice fishing job to support his family went out the window.

Until Childe's in a committed relationship with someone where they know what they're getting with being romantically involved with Childe and him constantly being gone, the idea of marriage isn't even in his mind at all. Childe's not opposed to being in love, but until it's right there in front of him with someone he's not even thinking of that as a priority either because he still has his job to do as a Harbinger.

9 - Is your muse attracted to any features in particular?

Legs. Give Childe those long legs to appreciate with touch and shamelessly look at if you're going out of your way to tease him with them. He's absolutely a weak man for legs, especially when they're being shown off to get his attention or just being placed in a way where it makes them look even better.

16 - Does your muse initiate heated/sexual contact, or do they wait for their partner?

It could go either way tbh. Childe's got a mid to high sex drive so he's not difficult to get in the mood if he wasn't the one initiating things so he's not afraid to make his desires clear to his partners but he's very open to when they're doing the same.

1 - Is your muse a romantic? Do they dream of love and marriage?

I'm still working out details of my headcanons for Gorou joining the Sangonomiya Army and stuff so I have to keep it a tad vague for now I'm sorry.

Growing up in Inazuma where the political climate was very tumultuous his entire life, it left him unsure of exactly how his life would go. Then he obtained his Vision and things became even more risky and staying with his family wasn't safe anymore. So any possible ideas Gorou had about starting a family of his own went out the window when he joined the Resistance Army. It wasn't until the Vision Hunt Decree was abolished and things between Watatsumi Island and the Tenryou Commission became more peaceful that Gorou could entertain ideas about having a life outside of being a General, including having more friendships and possibly a relationship as well.

Gorou wouldn't necessarily think of romantic as a word to describe himself, but his attention to the people around him and tendency to put other peoples wants and needs above his own puts him in a position to be a good partner for someone.

9 - Is your muse attracted to any features in particular?

Weirdly enough Gorou is going to be more attracted to someone if they don't pay too much mind to his few canine features. He is aware he has them, he is aware that it's easy to stare at them since animal hybrids aren't too common around Teyvat, but if someone is more focused on the fact that he's got some Shiba Inu features than Gorou as a whole himself, his interest in them as a person let alone a romantic or sexual interest is going to go down exponentially. So as long as you treat him like Gorou the person and not Gorou the guy with ears and a tail, he's going to find you much more attractive all around.

But at this current point, Gorou does not have any one physical feature that catches his attention over all the others. He's very demisexual so it's not so much other people looking a specific way but being emotionally close to Gorou first.

16 - Does your muse initiate heated/sexual contact, or do they wait for their partner?

Generally Gorou waits for his partner to either initiate things or give some kind of verbal indiation that they're interested in something sexual. His sex drive is somewhere in the mid to moderate range so it's not a constant priority for him in a relationship nor does he want to make it a focal point of the relationship unless his partner did want it to be a more frequent occurrence for them, in which he'd be fine with things being initiated more.

#hc: childe #hc: gorou #scarletooyoroi #ty for sending one in!

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heffrondriving · 3 years

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here's the thing i've learned when it comes to writing fanfics: you will not please everyone. constructive criticism will come and it will sting because, as much as we try to remove ourselves from it, our writing is personal. it doesn't mean you're a bad writer! in fact i enjoy your prose style, it allows the readers to dig deep into characters' minds in a way i appreciate so much (idk if this is what the comment has anything to do with that, i'm just pointing out what i like about your writing). you're doing a great job! please don't let it get you down too much! 💙

I mean, of course constructive feedback is alright and even fundamental for improvement, but I suppose I’m just more so disappointed with myself than anyone else, ahah. I haven’t been writing stories for long and I’m always extremely hard on myself when it comes to these kinds of things, so some comments do get into my head too much—more often than I would like it to. :/ I’m also quite unused to getting feedback from people, since I like keeping my write-ups lowkey and never have expectations of anyone seeing them, and that’s just far easier for my peace of mind. Just by my own standards alone, I still feel a long way away from being a good writer, but I still want to try my best without killing the enjoyment because my stupid overthinking brain said so /ᐠ｡ꞈ｡ᐟ\

All the same, thank you so much for the being so lovely and for the kind advice!! It’s honestly really comforting to hear this, especially from someone who’s far more experienced than me in these kinds of endeavours. I’m constantly unsure about my writing style (or my lack of it, rather), as I’ve been informed that the way I write does get convoluted and tediously confusing to read and tbh yeah i agree with them, i’m still trying to get rid of my awful habit of waxing poetic and meandering too much dsjffjsd, but it makes me feel more motivated to carry on to see that maybe some people might be alright with it?? I really appreciate this, and I wish you the most fantastic day~ (｡•́‿•̀｡)💚

#everyone's too nice imma cryyy ;-;#i'm so grateful for y'all #also i promise i'll stop whinging on this blog and keep it strictly ✨fun btr vibes✨ i swear to kendall's eyebrows #since that's the main purpose of this blog #and not my 3 a.m. yelling lmao sorry #all the windows down #do pretty girl don't speak #ceruleanmusings

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