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snow-system-wol · 9 days

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Before going to Sharlayan, S'ria quietly slips away to make one more visit to Amaurot -- so that he may speak again with a old friend. (Or, a shade of him, at least.)

Ao3

Amaurot was a strange place (or a strange shadow of a place, anyway), and each following visit left a stronger impression on S'ria. Yes, both times were harrowing experiences, to say the least – perhaps with Elidibus even more so than Emet-Selch in some ways. Emet-Selch, for all the harm he had done, seemed at least like he wanted him to understand something, wanted him to see something.

Even Elidibus claimed otherwise, his trial was surely meant to hurt more than truly to make a point. Or rather, the point was most likely that it would hurt him.

S'ria felt like his choice to return a third time now would somehow result in something terrible happening.

If S'ria tried to look past all that, at the city itself, it just felt… unbearably sad to be there. The fact that it wasn't truly real was felt in every corner of the place. S'ria couldn't say he understood how Emet-Selch had conjured Amaurot into existence, but S'ria had truly expected the city to crumble around them when he was gone. The fact that it persisted is almost macabre somehow – a graveyard for both its inhabitants and its creator.

There was also something else there, though, that nagged at him. Even if it had been all but confirmed, that his unsundered self would remember this place, he couldn't remember anything. The feeling of a blank spot in his memories where he knew something had been there, it was all too familiar and it put him on edge. Unlike the normal situation, however, S'ria suspected none of the others in his head could readily recall these memories either.

Maybe it was better not to know, if even a hint of recalling The Final Days had such a drastic effect on people.

For such an eerie place, there was no danger here anymore. It was just a harmless snapshot in time. That was really the only way S'ria could justify coming back alone. Well, that and the fact that truly no one else could have come with him, not anymore. He supposed he could have asked Ryne, but it seemed like something that would worry her unnecessarily. (He, of course, visited her and passed on Thancred's regards already. His priorities remained well in place.)

Despite walking past seemingly alive Amaurotines, it seemed more lifeless than ever now that there were no truly alive Ascians remaining here. Ah, but that was not… wholly true. That was the whole reason he came back here, after all. Alive, no, but present in the moment, yes.

S'ria reached a quiet overlook, one that was shadowed by trees and offered a bit of peaceful seclusion.

He was not sure how this worked, really, but all of his past experiences implied it could be as simple as…

"Hythlodaeus?" S'ria called out barely louder than his speaking voice and waited.

The city remained quiet around him. One of the most jarring things about Emet-Selch's illusion, he was realizing, was that it had some of the little things but missed others. The faint wear of foot patterns on stairs, fallen leaves scattered below the foliage – that was all perfect. But unless Amaurot was entirely closed off and had no wind currents, the lack of rustling in the trees felt unnatural. It was too still.

At the least, the uncanny lack of sound meant that it was very easy to hear Hythlodaeus' movements as he approached.

"How odd… I was led to believe that you and yours left this shard. Yet you've called for me."

"Ah, yes, the others are safely back home, and I'm able to travel freely for now. And, Elidibus…"

Hythlodaeus sighed, the sound just slightly off. S'ria suddenly wondered whether he even needed to breathe in this state of being.

"I am aware. I would like to think it could have ended differently, but – I had meant it when I said I hoped for your survival."

Hythlodaeus settled down on a bench and patted the spot next to him. S'ria clambered onto the seat as gracefully as he could, and couldn't help but be reminded of his similar problem when they'd first met. Why did they have to be so tall?

"Surely you came all this way for something more than to socialize with me, yes?"

"Yes and no. There are… two things I'd like to ask you about, even if you may not answer."

"I think that you shall find me to be a fairly open book." He raised his hand to his mouth as if to politely cover a laugh, S'ria could even see his shoulders shake briefly, but there was no sound. S'ria held back a shudder. It occurred to him for the first time since stepping foot in the city that– perhaps Emet-Selch and Elidibus were not the only beings in Amaurot that could be dangerous to him.

Perhaps that was uncharitable. If Hythlodaeus meant any ill will, he'd had plenty of times alone with S'ria to act on that by now. It wasn't Hythlodaeus' fault if he felt just a little bit off to interact with sometimes. He couldn't control being little more than a ghost.

S'ria cleared his throat. "First question. You had said 'my new old friend'. That and the other soul crystal… what can you tell me about who I was, before?"

"Certainly, I –." Hythlodaeus cut off mid-phrase. "Oh, how odd. I could tell you about the title and role, but that much is already knowledge you have. I could tell you that Emet-Selch and I both knew you, but… I was never meant to be so well-crafted as to possess more than a few memories. Anything else is simply a vague implication of recollection. I feel..."

" ...as though you should know, but don't? Believe me, it's familiar," S'ria said dryly.

Hythlodaeus nodded. "I apologize that I cannot give you what you ask. I only hope that your second question will not be so fruitless."

Right, the second question. In truth, it was more so this that gnawed at S'ria, more than questions about his identity. He'd had an entire journey to decide how to approach this, and yet the result was mostly improvisation.

"You're the only one in this city that is… aware of their predicament, and based on this city remaining for months with no steward, I imagine it will be here for quite some time. Maybe even forever, to whatever extent that means. I'd thought, at the time, that this place might just fade with Emet-Selch. I – are you all right? Is there anything that could be done for you?"

S'ria got the sense that Hythlodaeus was giving him a strange look, even if his face couldn't be seen.

"That is quite sweet, even if – are you offering to assist me with ending my own shadow of existence?" To S'ria's relief, he sounded more amused than offended. "I'm afraid you know not what you offer, nor the magics at play."

S'ria drew back. "I don't mean to seem callous, it just seems… a difficult way to spend eternity."

"Mayhap it would be, if I were truly here. In reality, we barely are present when unobserved, nearly in stasis." Hythlodaeus turned to stare out across the city. "Even when I am awake, I do not feel troubled by the idea that the true Hythlodaeus is no more, nor am I troubled by my state of being. Whatever thoughts Emet-Selch may have drawn from when he reconstituted me, I believe that he might have remembered me as… happy, in those memories. To answer your question, I do not have any complaints that need be addressed."

S'ria was not certain whether that was better or worse. It was good to not be upset, but maybe less so if he actually couldn't be. Still, it was a relief to know he wasn't actively suffering.

"I am glad that this is not difficult for you."

"As am I." How odd it was, that a person with no visible mouth or eyes could smile at S'ria.

They lapsed into silence again for a time. Now that neither of them were speaking, the lack of expected sounds in Amaurot quickly regained S'ria's attention. He was distracted enough that Hythlodaeus had to prompt him a second time for him to notice.

"Might I ask one question of my own?"

S'ria would prefer to say no, certain that it would be something he'd rather not discuss. It seemed a fair courtesy, though.

"You may ask." He chose not to promise an answer.

"Are you well? Your soul seems far less troubled than the time we first met, and calmer still than when we last spoke."

S'ria relaxed. "Oh. Yes, I think I'm doing a lot better than I have in a long time. Things are still… when is the world ever not ending? But I've been happy with my life for these last few months, tough as it is."

"You don't know how much joy it brings me to hear you say as such. One always wants to see their friends heal – and you do seem quite content."

S'ria realized he'd started gently purring while thinking back on the more pleasant parts of the last few months with the Scions, and did his best to stop. Hythlodaeus responded with another of those strange silent laughs.

He stood up, immediately towering over S'ria, and turned as if to make his way back into the heart of the city.

"I am relieved to see you well, and appreciative of the effort and consideration it took to visit me – however, might I speak freely?"

S'ria nodded, hesitantly.

Hythlodaeus looked back at him, only darkness visible beyond the eyes of his mask.

"As things currently stand, this simulacrum of Amaurot is not meant for the living, only for us shades now. I believe it'd be for the best if you did not revisit a fourth time. You should return home."

#snow-system #ffxiv-oc #ffxiv-reactions #s'ria 🌸❄️#writings #last piece of writing pre enw #this might be on this blog elsewhere but #well I'm actually at this point now so fair game is fair game #hyth is really quite nice but i feel like the shades need to be just a little bit Wrong to interact with #uncanny #2 degrees to the left of horror at any point in time #this is very tasty and completely outside of canon but Have a Lil Snack

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