The Same Bed: Lost (And Found)

CW: Trauma recovery, healing internal and external injuries, references to noncon and choking, brief suicide mentions at the beginning, references to past pet whump, consensual spice between survivors, brief masochism funtimes

The Same Bed: Part One: Jake | Part Two: Krista | Part Three: Chris | Part Four: Vincent | Part Five: Antoni | Interlude | Part Six: Nat | Part Seven: Owen | Part Eight: Tonight | Part Nine: Reunion | Part Ten: Too Late | Epilogue: Lost (And Found)

(using the “Lost” prompt for @whumpmasinjuly day 2 for this! Loosely interpreted, but still...)

-

“Hey.” Jake drops the stack of folders, stuffed with paperwork, onto the table. “I brought these by for you to look over. I think I have it all taken care of, though.”

“Cool.” Jenna doesn’t look at him, sitting with her chin in her hand, watching a TV in the corner. Jake follows her gaze to see the chyron running along the bottom of the screen, a news anchor talking animatedly. The volume is so low he can’t hear it, but the subtitles are on. 

NOTED FORMER CHILD STAR OWEN GRANT FOUND DEAD IN APPARENT SUICIDE…

Jake takes a seat across the table. “Suicide? That’s what they went with?”

“That’s what I paid the coroner to go with, yeah,” Jenna says, leaning forwards a little. She’s cut her hair short, to her chin. It suits her. “Figured it’d be better to have open-and-close suicide case then a bunch of cops looking for a murderer they’re not gonna find. Cops hate that shit, but they love getting to wash their hands of something and say it’s not their problem. And that Grant asshole doesn’t have any living relatives to push for it to be a crime, right?”

“Right. He just had his mom, some distant cousins that hated him as much as everyone else did.”

“Good. Yeah, the coroner’s going to find that Owen went a little off the rails after losing his mom. It’s believable.”

“Yeah. He definitely went off the rails, anyway.” Jake hesitates, and then offers, reluctantly, “Thanks, Jenna. For your help. I know how you feel about Kauri-”

“You know how I felt about Kauri,” She answers breezily. She sits up, then, pulling one of the folders in front of her, opening it up and looking over what she sees inside. “It’s been years, Jake. He’s not who he was then, and neither am I. Plus, I don’t like the idea of people fucking with us after we’ve started to really get better. It wasn’t that big of an ask.”

“Jenna.” Jake barks out a laugh. “I asked you to drive around with a dead body in the trunk to help Antoni get rid of it, that's not a small ask!”

“It is,” Jenna says, almost primly, “When I don’t mind doing it. I didn’t mind following him to make sure he went to that house like we thought he would, and I didn’t mind helping Antoni out with the body. Besides, I used Vincent Shield’s money to bribe a coroner to say Owen Grant is dead by his own hand, you can’t tell me that’s not some poetic fucking shit right there.” She sighs, looking over at him. “You can always ask me for help, Jake.”

“Can I? Since goddamn when? You’ve been calling Kauri a whore for a decade-”

“Nah, I haven’t done that in a while. Since I decided to stop like five years ago. Since, you know, I realized… I was just taking out on him what I wanted to say to the other pet in the house I ran from.” Jenna sets the file down again. A frightened young woman’s face looks back up from a printed out copy of stolen WRU records. Someone new to hunt for, someone listed as ‘assisted walk-in’, an abduction in flowery language. Someone they can save and if they make it public, WRU can’t try to take them back without running afoul of the law again.

“Jenna, I don’t-... I don’t understand-”

“People change. I changed. Just… let me have changed, Jake. I was scared, and pissed off, and just… lost… for years. I was angry at her for nearly getting me killed, and Kauri reminded me of her, so I took it out on him. But, years back, that little one, uh, your brother-”

“Chris.”

“Right. Years back, Kauri called me for help with him. And I helped, because I’m not a complete asshole, just like seventy percent of one, and after that… I don’t know. Kauri really stepped up for that kid, and I could see how scared he was. Kauri and I are never going to like each other, but that doesn’t mean he’s not one of us.”

“Well… yeah, okay. Thanks. I won’t push you on it anymore.”

“Welcome. And thanks. Congratulations on the marriage, by the way.” She waved at the ring on Jake’s finger. “Good fucking luck with that. Marrying two people sounds way worse than marrying just one.”

“Nah.” Jake shrugs, and opens a file himself. He circles what he sees - ‘referred by foster mother, assisted walk-in’. “It’s way, way better. They’re pretty cool to be married to.”

“If you say so. No marriage for me, thanks. Too much like being kept all over again.”

“That’s fair. Live the life you want to live, right?”

“Right.” She smiles, then, looking around the little kitchen in the small brick ranch she lives in. “Damn straight. Live the life you want to live, all yours, on your own damn terms. Okay, so I say we start with this one, she’s part of a bonded pair. We can get them both.”

“Where are they located?”

“That’s the best part. They’re handler’s pets. They’re local.” Jenna grins at him, sparkling and full of mischief. “Ready to break into a handler’s house and fuck some shit up?”

Jake can’t stop himself from laughing. “Clearly not as ready as you are.”

“... so yes or no?”

“Yeah, Jenna. Let’s do it. Let’s plan a raid.”

“Cool. So how do you feel about setting his house on fire?”

“... I might know someone who can help us with that.”

-

“She’s said sorry like seven fucking times.” Jameson lays on his side on his bed, his back pressed to the wall. “If she says it again, I might lose my goddamn mind, Allyn.”

“She just feels bad.” Allyn smiles at him, laying a hand against the side of his face, their thumb rubbing over his cheekbone, over a small scar. He shudders, closing his eyes as sparks seem to light and dance down his skin, buzzing just under the surface. When they move their hand away, he can still feel the weight of it, the ghost of pleasure. 

“I know, but I already told her, I don’t mind hurting for her. I didn’t mind. It wasn’t even that bad, I’ve been hurt worse than that!”

Between them on the bed Trash Cat lays curled in a contented little ball, eyes closed. Her ear flicks whenever Jameson speaks, as if listening to him, keeping track of the emotion in his voice. Reading it for potential trouble. 

“But she never wants to hurt you. She never wants to hurt anybody. I get it.” Allyn’s hair falls in loose red waves over shoulder and neck and lays against their face. He tucks a little of it behind their ear, watching their freckles shift as they smile at him, flashing white teeth against pink lips, sparkling gray-blue eyes. 

He listens to their voice, tastes the rainshower that comes with it. 

“I don’t mind hurting,” He repeats, but softer this time. “If it’s the right person hurting me.” There’s an unmistakable flirtation in his voice, then, although it’s tentative. He’s never sure how to start this, now that he isn’t having to guess at a master or owner’s mood, read the tension in the air and break it down by handing his body over to the whip and the cane until they are both bonelessly satisfied. 

No, this is… something else.

Something honest.

Something equal. 

If Allyn hurts him, he knows, it will be because he asked to be hurt. Not because it’s his place. The idea feels like wandering in a new landscape. Touching unfamiliar trees that at least still have bark and leaves, but wondering at colors and shapes he’s never seen. Lost, even with map in hand, because the place he is in is so like but not at all the same as the world he knows.

Jameson shifts forwards, as best he can, back curving a little so he can kiss them. Their lips are warm and soft and his own are a little rough and chapped. For a second they go still, and then they’re kissing him back. It’s perfect, at first, too perfect, and then both of them drop the instinctive training and the kiss goes clumsy and they both laugh as they bump teeth.

Trash Cat chirps, lifting her head to look back at them, and then slowly stands up. She stretches in a perfect arch before stalking down to the end of the bed.

“She’s giving us our space,” Allyn whispers against Jameson’s lips, and giggles. The sound of their laughter sends warmth down his spine, and he moves closer, until they’re touching from collarbone to knees, even their feet twining together. His bandaged hand moves slowly up their side, feeling the slight curve, nearly an angle, from narrow waist to larger ribcage. His thumb is so, so close to their chest, and they inhale in a soft hitch. 

“She just doesn’t want me to push her off the fucking bed in a minute,” Jameson answers, a little breathy, and he hates his hoarse voice - can remember he had a normal voice, with Nanda, before Brute and Robert made him scream until it was gone over and over until it stopped coming all the way back. 

“Can I-... can I try something?” Allyn asks in a whisper, and when Jameson nods, they give a little smile and reach up, taking his hand from their face and holding it in their own. Their soft sotto voice is like subtle droplets on Jameson’s tongue, a burst of the way the air taste just before it really starts to rain. He watches them, meeting their eyes with his own, as their thumb settles just over the center of his palm. Beneath that, a healing cut, where Nat had jammed a GPS tracker as deep as she could get.

And Jameson hadn’t screamed.

He knew how to hurt.

“Can I push down?” Allyn’s eyes search his. “While I kiss you, can I… push down on the cut a little bit?”

His mouth goes dry. Jameson’s body is a lightning rod, and he stares at the storm and wants to beg for the roll of thunder that follows the strike. He nods, a little jerk of his chin. “Yes,” He breathes.

Their lips are on his own, again, opening to slide their tongue against his, and he hums into the kiss, pressing his body to theirs. Warmth stirs deep in his stomach, his body waking up, answering the firmness of their kiss.

Then they press down, pain racing down Jameson’s arm and into his body, and he moans, unmistakable and louder than he means to be. He’s rolled onto his back with Allyn pressing into his hips before he can think, and Allyn’s mouth is on his neck, teeth bearing down on soft skin as they roll their own hips against his, and he moans again.

The front door closes, muffled downstairs.

Allyn pulls back, startled. Then they burst out laughing, leaning over until their forehead touches Jameson’s. “Oh, no, I forgot she was home.”

Jameson breathes in soft gasps, and laughs, too. He tips his head back, baring his neck. The place they were biting is cold where air and the remnants of drying saliva meet. “She’s not home anymore,” He offers.

Allyn leans down to bite again, and presses their thumb into his hand at the same time. 

“I love this,” Jameson groans, eyes fluttering closed. His hips move to meet theirs right through their clothes. It doesn’t occur to either of them to take them off… not yet. “I love, love this-”

“I love it, too,” Allyn murmurs, nipping at his earlobe.

Neither of them says what they really mean. Both of them have loved men who could never fully love them in return. Both of them know the words have always been hollow. But both of them think it, if not consciously, then with every inch of skin where they touch.

I love you.

-

“Antoni.” Kauri’s voice, still hoarse as he heals from the hands that had tried to choke the life from him, is laced with a kind of affectionate irritation. “I don’t need it.”

“You do.” Antoni sets the mug down on the side table next to the bed. The tea within is faintly pink, see through, not marked with milk. Kauri can look down into it and see, a little muddied, the image of a cat face painted on the bottom. He sighs and looks up at Antoni, whose eyebrows raise. “You do,” He repeats. “Tea is good for sore throat.”

“Yeah, for like… when you have strep or the flu or some shit,” Kauri groans, but he pushes himself slowly up to seated, back cushioned by approximately eleven million pillows Jake and Antoni have both insisted on keeping near him at all times. Not that it isn’t really, really nice to have one to sit on when he leaves the bed and ends up in a chair like a dumbass. “I was choked, Ant, it’s not the same. Not even the first time I’ve been choked. Not even just Owen! There was this one guy I went home with once…” He smiles, but the laugh dies in his throat before it comes out as he meets Antoni’s dark eyes.

“I remember,” Antoni says. “I remember that night.”

“Of course you do.” Kauri sighs, and pats the bed beside him. Antoni sits, just at the edge, as if he might flee at any second. Like he wants to run from the pain still marking Kauri’s skin. 

Kauri leans over, and places a hand over his. Long fingers that have been slightly cool for so long are warm from too much tea and time under the covers. His ring glimmers in the light, back on his finger where he plans to never ever take it off again. It overlays Antoni’s own. 

“Ant,” He says, softly. “For the thousandth time. It isn’t your fault. I knew what might happen when I went into that room. I was… I was ready for it.”

I was ready to die.

“I should have been inside faster,” Antoni says, and he leans slowly over until his head rests on Kauri’s shoulder. The soft, messy nearly-black hair tickles Kauri’s cheek and he smiles, pulling Antoni’s hand to his mouth to kiss his knuckles, gently, one by one. Bruised knuckles, torn and bloodied the night of the rescue, now healed but still scarred. “The fight with the other one was not supposed to take so long. We had a plan, and we nearly-... you could have been dead-”

“I’m right here,” Kauri says, voice low. He turns and breathes deep. Antoni’s hair smells like tea-tree and mint shampoo, and there’s always something of a kitchen around him. Smells like flour and baking things and sweetness. “I’m right here, Ant. I am alive, I’m right here, look, I feel like a flip flop left out in the mud but I’m here.”

“If not for Vince-”

“Then you would have saved him.” Kauri smiles, and he keeps that smile in his voice. “And that’d be something, wouldn’t it? Secret runaway pet saves multi-millionaire movie star…”

“It would not matter. It would be nothing, if Jasha and I lost you.” 

“You would still have had each other-”

“It would be nothing. You are the… the piece of puzzle that holds two others together. You are color, we have none without you.”

“Bullshit.” Kauri’s smile widens, though, and he flushes a little at the praise, at being told he is needed. Not just needed but wanted. That, at least, he’s never quite lost, and he wonders if that was inherent in Liam Harker, the man who once walked around in his skin. What parts of him have survived within Kauri? 

Maybe just a need to be loved, and wanted, and needed. 

Maybe Liam had that, too.

“Kasha, I love you,” Antoni whispers. It’s hard for him to say the words. Kauri kisses his forehead. Then the tip of his nose.

He pulls back. “I love you, too, Ant. You and Jake and I… we’re forever.” They sit in silence for a few minutes. In the background, a soap opera plays, which both of them are entirely ignoring. Then Kauri says, softly, “Antoni… will you go get my phone? I forgot it in the bathroom and I don’t think I have the energy to go get it on my own just yet.”

Antoni stands, retrieving the phone where it lays on the bathroom counter. When he comes back, he climbs right into the bed, lying on his side under the blankets, near to Kauri without quite touching him. Kauri doesn’t push, this time. 

Antoni offers touch, when he wants it.

“I’ve been thinking,” Kauri says, taking it and tapping idly on the screen, listening to his fingernail click against the shining black. “About a lot. Since I, uh, didn’t die. Lots of time to think when your partners won’t let you leave the fucking bed.”

“Mmhmm.” Antoni doesn’t take the bait, but he smiles a little, pleased with himself. “What do you think about?”

“I think I should call my mom.” Kauri says it all in a rush. He barely gets the words out, even so. The old drumbeat begging him to run from what’s behind him is still so strong, it nearly drowns him out inside his own mind. But he clings to this thought, because he needs Antoni to either encourage him or talk him out of it. “Well, Liam’s mom. I was thinking, if I had died… she’d been trying to get ahold of me, but what if I died and like, she found out Liam was alive and then I got his body killed anyway? Before she could see him?”

“You are Liam, Kasha,” Antoni says. He watches Kauri with inscrutable eyes, looking up at him from where he lays propped up on one elbow. 

“Yeah, but… what if I’m too different, and she hates me for stealing him? What if she thinks Liam is lost, and Kauri is what came back from the dead?”

“You cannot do this,” Antoni says, shaking his head. “Steal him. WRU stole, and he is not lost. You are him. I think it is a good idea to call your mother.”

“But… what if she hates me?”

“Then you never speak to her again, and she can go fuck herself.” Kauri’s eyebrows nearly raise to his hairline, and Antoni laughs, low and soft and deep. ‘What? You think I can’t swear?” He takes Kauri’s hand, and presses warm lips to the back, right in the middle of blood vessels and nerve-endings, making Kauri shiver pleasantly. “Call her. Kauri Grant is brave, and strong-” He kissed again. “Smart, and good. I think that Liam Harker would like this Kauri Grant. So I think Liam Harker’s mother will like Kauri Grant as well.”

Kauri swallows. “Are you-... are you sure about that? I’ve done some pretty seriously fucked-up shit to this body, Ant. Remember when I spent like a month straight on ecstasy?”

“I do, yes.”

“Plus, there have been, like, seven orgies…”

“Sssshhh. Kasha. Listen to me. She will love you. She loves you already, she is Liam’s mama and that means yours. And also… it will probably help if you do not talk to her about the orgies.”

“Right, right, keep a lid on the orgy talk. Got it.”

“Oh, one more thing.”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t talk to me about the orgies, either.”

Laughing hurts, but Kauri discovers that once he starts, he can’t quite make himself stop. 

-

“And… and, and then they… laugh at me.” Chris sits with his knees pulled to his chest, the heels of his feet just barely balanced on the edge of the chair, arms wrapped tightly around his calves. He won’t look at everyone else, keeping his chin tipped down so the shimmering light purple of his hair hides his green eyes. “And, and, and say, um, you-you wanted me to, and when I, um, when I say I, I, I-I didn’t, they, they, they… get angry.”

He has a silicone feather pendant on a small cord stuck in the corner of his mouth, slightly muffling his speech. 

“They say then, um, then why did you you you sign up? Like… like they, they don’t already know that, um, that I didn’t, and… and then they, they say, let’s go again, and I start… I, I, I start crying, because, because they sound just, um, just like… like my-... like him. And they, um, they put me on my, my my my my, my, my… on… on m-my… stomach…”

There are tears in Chris’s eyes, running down his cheeks, but no one moves. No one speaks. Not yet. 

“And, and, and then… I wake up.”

There’s a breath of silence, and then a man to the left of Chris leans towards him, putting a hand to his back. “I have dreams like that, too.”

Chris looks over at him, resting his head on his knees. His eyes are red-rimmed, wreathed in shadows. “You, you do?”

“Yeah. I’ve been married for, like, what, three years now?” The man gives Chris an encouraging, soft smile, rubbing at his back a little. “And free for ten. And I still, sometimes, I wake up just gasping for air because I remember how it felt. And sometimes I dream that my wife is the one hurting me like he did. Probably-... probably all of us have nightmares, right?”

He looks to the rest of the group of twelve, seated in a circle of folding chairs in a small side room in a community building they rent for these meetings. The others, men and women from their early twenties through their late forties, all nod. 

“It just… it goes with getting better, is that-” The man’s eyes flicker to the therapist ostensibly in charge of this meeting. Dr. Francis just nods, gesturing with one hand for the man to continue. He has a cup of bad, bitter decaf coffee in his hands, slowly warming the styrofoam cup, with powdered creamer stirred in and bits still floating a little on the top, refusing to fully dissolve. “That your brain doesn’t always know that you’re safe. And nightmares are just… how your mind tries to, to put together the two parts of your life.”

“It’d… it’d be, be, be be-be nice if it could, um, could do that some other way,” Chris mutters, and there’s a scattering of soft laughter, kind and well-meaning, from everyone else. 

“It would be,” The man says, and gives Chris a final pat on the back before sitting back. “But that’s not really how brains work.”

Dr. Francis clears his throat. “Isaac is correct,” He says, and moves to take his own seat, sipping his coffee and steadfastly making no expression at the awful taste. “It is, indeed, more common than not to have nightmares, and for many those nightmares can last for years. But they are just that - nightmares. They are your minds working inside of you to put together a life of subjugation with one of freedom, and struggling to reconcile the details. But that doesn’t mean you aren’t doing that. It’s only that our brains must adapt in order to survive at a lightning speed. But… it takes so much longer, doesn’t it, for our brains to realize those adaptations are no longer necessary.”

More nods from everyone around the circle. 

“It… it, it does help,” Chris offers, without uncurling himself. “To know everyone else, um, does, does those dreams, too, that it it it doesn’t… they wouldn’t ever, um, hurt me… they wouldn’t.”

Dr. Francis nods. “But someone did. And our bodies and minds catalog those hurts, and hold on, because they are trying to prepare you for that pain to start again. Your body is trying, as hard as it can, to keep you safe. Let’s take a moment to close our eyes, and just-... you can do this silently, everyone - just say thank you to your body for keeping you alive, and safe, to get this far. Just a quick thank-you. All that fear and pain, that was adapting to survive. Let’s thank our bodies for those adaptations.”

There’s another silence, heads bowed and eyes closed. It looks like a prayer. Some of their lips even move, but no one here is thanking God, not really. Instead, they’re whispering a prayer of thanks to nerves and bone and blood that bruised and broke and sent screaming pain signals to brain cells that rearranged, rerouted, made new pathways of survival where none had previously existed. They are giving their gratitude to lungs that fought to expand even with hands around their throat, to a heart that refused to stop beating even as it broke again and again, to hands that slapped and punched, feet that kicked out, lips and tongue that held desperately to the memory of words they weren’t supposed to say.

Words like fuck you and I don’t want this and stop touching me.

Words like we did not sign up for this.

Words like no.

Dr. Francis ends the moment of silence by clearing his throat again. Some of the men and women in the circle have glimmering eyes when they look back up, rubbing just under them in ways they think are subtle, but which everyone recognizes and no one remarks on. 

“Now,” Dr. Francis says, “We have someone new here tonight, and he would like to tell his story. Would it be all right if I call him in? Remember that there is no wrong answer here. And he won’t be listening to any of your stories, just telling his own.”

Some of the group meet eyes, and then they look back to the doctor and nod. Some carefully, others more enthusiastically. A few even smile, kind and soft, agreeable. 

The doctor stands and steps out of the room.

“It’s the guy who came with you, right?” A woman asks Chris, and he nods without uncurling, chewing on the silicone feather. He starts to sway, just a little. “I wondered why he didn’t come into the room right away. He’s one of us, right?”

Before Chris can answer, the door opens again. Dr. Francis steps in first.

Vincent Shield steps in after him.

He moves with a slow, slightly shuffling step, showing the aches that haven’t quite faded in a body still working hard to heal itself. His movie-star megawatt smile is subdued, simply lips pressed together. The shadow of a bruise still wreathes his eye on one side, another clings to a cheekbone. Finger-shaped bruises are finally fading enough from his throat to not be immediately visible for what they are. 

“Hey, Chris,” Vince says, voice low and slightly rough. Chris hums a greeting. There’s a whisper from a few of the circle participants, people who have seen his movies. Their eyes are wide, surprised, but no one comes at him. No one even stands.

They respect the circle, and the people within it.

“Okay, Vince,” Dr. Francis says amicably. “The circle agreed to hear your story tonight, and welcome you to our meetings from here on out. Gang, let’s make some room for Vince to sit down.”

“Uh, Dr. Francis-”

The doctor looks over at a woman in her thirties, while others are shifting their chairs with soft scrapes along hard floors so Vince can unfold a new one and put his own into the empty spot, slowly sitting down, looking around and smiling with a nervous shyness utterly at odds with the empty friendliness he has on the red carpet. 

“Yes, Trin?”

“He’s… he’s not a Romantic, though,” Trin says, glancing to the side. “Sorry, Vince, no offense.”

There’s a bit of low laughter, not unkind, from the participants. “It’s not exactly something anyone should apologize for not being,” Isaac says, good-naturedly. Trin blushes a little and looks down and away, shrugging, smiling a little uneasily. “But she has a point, Dr. Francis, this is group for Romantics only, isn’t it?”

“Normally, yes. But Vince’s story is a little different. He’s been seeing me for a couple of weeks now, and I think it’s worth all of you hearing it. So many of you struggle with feeling separate from the world, and that’s because of the laws and societal isolation, of course, but… I want you to hear this. Your stories, your experiences, they are connected with the experiences and stories of people outside of WRU, outside the system. I think it could help to see that you are not set apart in that way. Vince, if you wouldn’t mind?”

Vincent Shield sits back. He doesn’t look like a movie star - his hair is shaggy and unwashed, he’s wearing an old Nirvana t-shirt he borrowed from Nat and sweatpants, a pair of sandals that don’t even match. You’d never know who he was, if you saw him on the street.

You might wonder if Kauri Grant was having a bad day, but looking at Vince, you’d never see the movie star beneath the real man. 

“Hi, um. Hi everyone.” Vince smiles. “Dr. Francis asked me to talk to you all tonight. He thought it might help, and I’ll… I’ll talk about my, um. What happened to me, and then you can… I’ll step out and you can vote if you want me here. If you don’t, no harm no foul, I totally get it. I’m not sure I even want me here.” He laughs, but there’s no humor in it. “I’m… I’m really lost, if I’m honest. I’m totally lost at what to do with… everything now. I have this entire life and it’s just… hollow. I’m just doing what everyone told me I wanted to do, but-...”

“But it’s not what you want,” Trin suggests. 

“It isn’t. I’m not sure it ever was, or if I just… was told so many times…”

“They tell you that you want it, the way they treat you.” That’s another young woman. “They tell you you’re a flirt, but they make you flirt to get everything, to get food, to get a place to sleep. They make you… they make you pretend, over and over, and tell you that you’re not pretending.”

“They call, they, they call you a slut,” Chris whispers. “And, and, and if you say you’re not, they, they, they say you’re so good at acting that, that, that you must really be…”

“Right.” Vince clears his throat. “Shit. I didn’t know that I would feel… I told myself for forever that what everyone told me was true. But I can’t… I can’t lie to myself any longer. I just can’t. It’s been eating me alive for so long, and I don’t know what it’s like not to feel that way, and… I guess we’re going to find out. But Nat suggested… therapy, and… maybe not lying to my therapist so much this time.”

“You lied to Dr. Francis?” A third person, a man Chris’s age, asks in a scandalized hush.

Vince smiles - it’s a real and sincere smile. He shakes his head. “No, my old therapist. I’m not seeing her any longer. I wanted to start over. I’m… I’m starting over. So. Uh, where… Dr. Francis, where should I start-”

“Anywhere you like,” Dr. Francis says, voice low and gentle. 

“Uh, okay. I’ll, uh, I’ll start kind of like I start when I go to AA, if you all don’t mind?”

“I go to AA,” Isaac offers, a kind of hand outstretched, in words if not in gesture. “Every week. I’ve been sober for two years.”

“Congrats,” Vince says, sincerely. “I’m, uh, it’s been… a few weeks, but after I got to Nat’s I kind of, I fell off the wagon. I wasn’t sleeping, every time I closed my eyes I saw him... what happened. At the end. Drank until I blacked out and woke up on the floor with Nat’s, uh, that Jameson guy pouring water on my face. Then I got so sick I could barely move, turns out when you stop drinking and then start again, your liver gets really angry… it doesn’t matter. I’m starting over. So here’s to… three days sober, I guess?”

“Here’s to three days,” Isaac says, and smiles. “Three days is a start.”

Vince looks up, then, letting his eyes drift over the ceiling. He shifts and his chair creaks beneath him, as if castigating him for pausing for so long, for letting the silence draw out. Then he takes in a deep, deep breath. He fills his lungs with the oxygen until it burns, lets it slowly, slowly push out again.

“My name is Vincent Shield, and I’m an alcoholic. Sorry, just. That bit’s habit. Anyway… When I was twenty-one,” He starts, still not looking at anyone. His voice shakes a little. It’s thin and strained, pushed out past twenty years of keeping secrets and bruised from Owen’s hands. His throat wants to close around the truth, the way it has always wanted to close. The way he allowed it to close over and over for so, so long. His hands find the sides of the chair and grip, white knuckled. “When… when I was twenty-one, my best friend - my only friend, really, kind of my only real family, my parents had already stopped talking to me by then - told me he loved me.”

The room is silent, except for the soft hissing crackle of the coffeemaker and the hum of air conditioning blowing cold air through vents. 

“I told him I didn’t… feel that way about him. He said okay. For a little bit, things were okay. I thought it was fine… and then he-... he acted normal for a while, but… but then he drugged my drink. And when I woke up, I was tied to a bed.”

Vince swallows.

“Naked.”

Perfect silence, nodding heads. They’ve been tied to beds, they’ve woken up naked, they’ve faced down what had felt like such a unique horror to Vince. A terrible thing that it felt like didn’t happen to other people, and here is an entire room of people for whom it was so commonplace they were told their entire lives revolved around it.

Here they all are, with new lives, hobbies, friends. Things they do that aren’t pretending to be someone else, or being… or…

“I was raped.”

It comes out all at once, a single breath of air, a slur of syllables. Iwasraped.

The next words, somehow, harder to say. He forces himself to speak more slowly. He makes his mind dwell on each and every single word. On what it means, on what it’s always meant, on what damage it’s done. He fights not to cry.

Vincent Shield confesses someone else’s sin.

And grants himself absolution.

“Owen Grant raped me… and it wasn’t my fault.”

-

@burtlederp @finder-of-rings @endless-whump @astrobly @thefancydoughnut @newandfiguringitout @doveotions @pretty-face-breaker @gonna-feel-that-tomorrow @boxboysandotherwhump @oops-its-whump @cubeswhump @whump-tr0pes @downriver914 @whumptywhumpdump @whumpiary @orchidscript @nonsensical-whump @outofangband @eatyourdamnpears @hackles-up @grizzlie70 @mylifeisonthebookshelf @keeper-of-all-the-random-things

A Human Wiretap (Poe Dameron x Reader)

GIF BY @captain-flint​

Rating: G (General Audience)

Type: Fluff

Summary: While in Kijimi, Reader is shocked by the revelation of Poe having been a spice runner before becoming a Resistance pilot, unaware that he knows about her own secret

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: None

A/N: let the stream of Poe content commence

MASTERPOST | REQUEST HERE | KO-FI

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Kijimi was the last place you wanted to be right now. You had always known of this place to be infested with pirates and all the lawless beings of the galaxy, the country being practically a crime heaven.

The destination had been appointed as The Thieves' Quarter, the place you were told you could find Babu Frik, and to your unrest, your husband seemed to be able to navigate the streets of the foreign planet pretty well, occasionally stopping against a wall at any given corner, looking around for any threats.

“Are you sure you never came here?” you ask one time while leaning against his side on a cold brick wall, waiting for the safe sign.

“Not really.” He says looking over at the snowy empty street, before turning his head back at you for a split second “Coast’s clear, let’s go”

And just as he took the first step to round the corner, an armoured woman came into view pointing a blaster at Poe’s face.

Not even allowing a second to process another thought, you reach for your own blaster, pulling it from its holster and aiming it perfectly so that it was secured in the direction of the person’s head on both of your steady hands.

“Heard you were spotted at Monk’s Gate. Thought He’s not stupid enough to come back here.”

“Oh, you’d be surprised.” Poe mumbles from his stance.

“Blaster off him. Now.” You warn from your spot, a scowl upon your face, ready to shoot, in case she dared to make another move.

“Zorii!” Poe exclaims in fake enthusiasm, before snapping his head quickly between the two of you. “She won’t ask twice, I would listen to her”

“You pull that trigger, you’re next, honey.” You assure her, readjusting your fingers as to place a stronger grip around the camera.

“She used a pet name, she’s serious.” Poe nods and nervously warns the woman whose weapon was now closer to his forehead, almost pressed against it.

“We’re only here to find Babu Frik, we don’t want no trouble.” You tell her cordially, expecting to explain your presence in the clearly unwelcoming planet and maybe have her help you. You eye the woman up and down, eyes scanning the shining golden armour, before settling on the deep black visor.

“Who are you?”

“Honey,” Poe speaks, being careful not to make any sudden moves that could make the woman pull the trigger “this is Zoriii. Zoriii, this Y/N, my wife.”

You are a little taken aback by the fact that they seem to know each other fairly well, given the assurance that Poe had just given you moments ago, that he’d never step foot on Kijimi.

Her helmet turns to you “Wife?” she scoffs “I guess there really is someone for everyone.”

“You have no idea.” he smirks, a momentary lapse, and you snap a look at him.

“I could pull this trigger right now.” She says, pushing the blaster harder against Poe’s head, and you take a step forward.

“You do that, my blaster is the last thing you’ll see in this life.” Sharp words leave your mouth, both you and Poe knowing damn well that you were badass enough to keep the promise.

“Babu only works with the crew. That’s not you anymore.” Zorii says, still talking to Poe, as if your presence and the one of your weapon aimed at her is non-existent.

“What do you mean crew?” you ask her, and for a moment, her attention is directed to you, before slowly tilting once again in your husband’s direction, whose hands were still up in the air in a surrendering feat.

“Oh your wife doesn’t know?” her voice, goes up an octave, clearly amused by whatever is about to unfold. Your eyes scan between the two of them waiting for some kind of explanation of whatever secret conversation was going on in front of you. “Funny he never mentioned it…”

“What is she talking about?” you question Poe but he gives himself no time to utter a word at you, just quickly waving his hand and facing Zorii.

“Zorii, married people are still allowed secrets- “ he tries but she is too quick to reveal the information you were dying to be delivered.

“Your husband was part of the Spice Runner Gang.”

You can’t stop your jaw from going slack at the revelation, not being able to form any coherent words and instead just moving your mouth like a fish out of water, dwelling on whether you felt hurt, angry or any other emotion of the rush that caught you in that moment.

Poe’s shoulders slump slightly and he bites his bottom lip, eyes closed in frustration. He then turns at you, hands still up, as you were still gripping the blaster, which was now pointed at him as he was walking towards you, cautious steps, one at a time.

“I can explain.”

“You were a smuggler? AND A SPICE RUNNER AT THAT?” You drop your blaster to your side, stepping towards him, your brain having decided on anger as the momentary emotion.

“Y/N-“

“In 2 years of marriage NOT ONCE did it occur to you to mention that!?” you yell the two middle words, incredulous at your husband’s secret, having spent your whole relationship that he had always been a resistance pilot, just like he had assured you.

“Oh, don’t act like I’m the only one with a secret here!” his hands drop to his side, and he is no longer trailing in front of you like a lost puppy looking for forgiveness but instead returns to his conflictual side, a defence mechanism, you’ve come to learn.

“What is that supposed to mean?” you scoff, genuinely clueless as to what he could be referring to. And definitely not expecting him to voice the secret you fought years to keep.

“I know you’re a Sywalker!” he says loudly, and its as if your spirit has left your body, the blood draining from your face, and for a moment you forget that breathing is a necessary bodily function.

“H… How do you…”

“The week before we got married I-…” he takes a deep breathe in, running a hand through his wild curls, now dusted with white snow. “I heard you and Leia.”

Poe was making his way to the X-Wing hangar when he stumbled across an ajar door from where he spotted your figure passing across it and disappearing multiple times.

It wasn’t until he stepped closer and leaned against the wall, that he got the full picture.

You were pacing back and forth in an empty resting room of The Radus, pattering your boots across the white floor as Leia sat by the window, looking at you in this impossible frenzy, fingers pressed against your mouth while the other hand rested on your hip.

Your motion comes to a halt in front of her, turning on your toes to face her.

“Should I tell him?”

“I think you should do what you think to be the right thing.” Leia answers her, reaching forward to grab your nervous hands in hers.

“We’re getting married next week, but I don’t think telling him would be any good…”

That’s when Poe’s heart sank to the bottom of his chest, tightening at the implication of your wedding and a number of awful possibilities running across his mind as to what you could be hiding from him.

“He’ll think…I don’t even know. I’ve spent more than half of my life hiding this and if he finds out… What if he thinks I’m a freak? And…And just leave me?”

Poe, from across the door, inches closer, curiosity getting the best of him and brows furrowing.

“Y/N, honey, Poe has been around plenty of force-sensitive people. I can assure you that my niece being one won’t scare him away.” Leia assures you while giving your hands a firm squeeze, and you let your head fall back, closing your eyes.

Wait, what? Poe was really trying to connect the dots at the amount of information that he had been bombed within this short amount of time.

“Not the daughter of Luke Skywalker.” You sigh.

“You knew?... All this time…” your eyes brim with tears.

Poe turns to Zorii who still stood behind him, the blaster having been lowered.

“Can you…give us a moment?”

“Who the hell do you think you are to be asking favours right now?” she snaps but Poe’s eyes plead at her for a single ounce of sympathy. “I’m staying right here.”

Poe turn around to face you, still very aware of the blaster pointed at the back of his head and he lowers his voice so that only the two of you can share the conversation.

“Honey…”

“You still married me?” you are looking down until you speak, watery and red eyes finding those of Poe who’s demeanour completely changes upon your question. He rushes to your front, gloved hands finding your upper arms, giving them a reassuring squeeze. “You knew I was lying to you and you still… you still…”

“Honey,” his hands slide up from your arms to your cheeks “Look at me. I love you. I know why you did it. I probably would’ve done the same. I’m not mad, never have been, never will be.”

You were fighting the urge to ramble on, but upon looking into your husband’s sincere eyes, you relaxed your whole body and he takes that as a cue to pull you in for a hug. With your face flush against his chest, you mumble an apology, fists tightening around the fabric of his cloak.

“I’m sorry… for snapping at you earlier. It was very hypocritical of me.”

Poe smiles against your forehead, before placing a tender kiss against its warm flesh.

“It’s okay, honey, I swear. At least…at least I think I owe you an explanation.” Poe takes a deep breath in “I… When I was a teen, still living on Yavin 4,… their ship crashed near my hometown and I just… I needed out of there, I wanted to be reckless. So I joined them.”

You pull your head away from his chest, craning it upwards.

“Zorri’s mom was… she was the leader of the Spice Runners and she had this plan of inviting other crime lords here to form alliances, but she really was just planning on killing them. Zorii offered to fight against her with me and take control of the Spice Runners but I was done. Honestly, I wanted a better life.”

“And you got it. Congratulations.” Zorii’s voice makes the two of you snap back at her, Poe’s hand rushing down to your side, grabbing your hand and stepping slightly in front of you. “You know, I’m still digging out of the hole you put me in when you left to join the Resistance.”

Her helmet then turns in your direction and you have no time to manoeuvre the blaster back to pointing at her, afraid that she’d shoot.

“You. You’ll do.” She says referring to you “A Skywalker. A bounty for her might just cover us.” She says and you frown at the word us until you find your peripheral vision starting to get dotted on the sides by equally armoured soldiers who you assumed to be Spice Runners.

“Djak’kankah” she commands.

“Don’t djak’kankah” Poe pleads, knowing the meaning of the word.

Just then, when you perceive that the smugglers are running in on you, you quickly snap up your blaster and take them all one by one with perfect aim, sliding your leg under Zorii’s feet and akeing her fall to the cold ground right in front of you, both of you pointing your blasters at each other.

“We could really use your help. Please.” You huff, trying to calm your beating heart from the adrenaline of the previous moment.

“Not that you care…But I think you’re okay.” She breathes through the helmet.

“I care.” You let a sly smile tint your lips, sliding your blaster back into its holster and offering the woman who just seconds ago was dead set on killing you your hand.

When she is hoisted back to her feet, she walks ahead of the both of you signalling for her to be followed but as she is about to pass Poe she throws him a few words.

“She’s a keeper.”

“Don’t I know that.” He smirks, turning back to see you walking to catch up to him. Before you can say anything, his gloved hand is already pressed against your cheek as he brings his lips down to crash against yours.

“I love you.”

“I love you.” You whisper against his lips “But I still need to-“

“You can tell me all about it tonight. While laying in bed. No rush.” He smiles assuringly at you and you swear if you didn’t have a mission at hands you would melt into his embrace for as long as the galaxy aloud you to.

“Let’s find that droidsmith.” You smile at him, before placing one quick kiss against his jaw and walking towards Zorii, leaving the former Spice Runner, current lovestruck Resistance Pilot, completely enamoured and stunned behind you.

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TAGLISTS

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like me better (Coco Cruz)

A/N: Good afternoon everyone! This is Bea! I’m back with another installment for our fall series! This one is for Coco! I’ve never written for Coco, so I hope I did him some justice!

Megan and I would like to thank you for all the love you’ve been giving us! We truly appreciate it and we love giving you all some content to read. 

We love you all!

Masterlist

Word count: 1654

We’re currently working on the tag list! If you would like to be added, please message us or drop a comment!

CREDITS TO THE ORIGINAL GIF MAKER!

Johnny Coco Cruz never thought he deserved anything. 

At a young age, he wasn’t exactly nurtured by his mother. The earliest memory he had of his mother was when he would watch men come in and out of their apartment, his sisters trying to shield him away from her work. 

His eldest siblings Elma and Selena, they were decent. 

But as soon as they had the opportunity to leave Celia’s home, they left.

At an early age, he recalled that he never called Celia mom, at least not when he spoke of her with his friends. He would rarely refer to her as his mother. But till he was eighteen, he called her mother.

Till he got in the Marines and told her she could fuck herself.

He had an ounce of respect for her, just due to the fact she birthed him, but otherwise, Coco stopped caring about his mother way before than he could remember.

Due to his tumultuous relationship with Celia, he chose to not be a part of his kids life, Letty and his son, Leo. He wanted Letty to be given up for adoption as her mother was no better than him, but Celia adopted her at her faux reasoning of getting a second chance as a mother. 

Coco never believed that and he was correct.

It was for welfare.

He finally found his place in the Marines, the discipline and skills he learned didn’t prepare him for life outside of the military, but it prepared him to contribute to his family.

The Mayans MC.

A place where people who didn’t belong anywhere fit. 

A place where Coco was able to find a family he never knew he needed.

Johnny Coco Cruz never thought he deserved anything.

Not until he met you.

You were a tattoo artist for one of the shops the club frequents. It was rare for you to do a piece for any of the members since you were in high demand and the shop owner, your father, was one of the few people the MC feared.

A gentle man that would make no hesitation to kill for you.

Your father had numerous stories going around about him, but the most prominent seemed to be him being a former gang leader who reformed.

Your father was never part of a gang, he was a firefighter once upon a time and now, he was a tattoo shop owner.

When Coco first laid his eyes upon you, you were leaving the shop as he and Riz waited for one of your co-workers to finish a piece on Creeper. 

You turned towards them, your glasses slightly slipping down the bridge of your nose. A small smile to greet your father’s favorite customers appeared on your face, your eyes lingering at Coco before walking out.

And that was the start.

Coco never tried to talk to you, you were too pure for him.

Too good.

So kept his distance because nothing ever goes well for him and he was almost certain that nothing would ever happen with you.

But then you worked on a piece for him and his life, well his self-hatred due to past trauma began to change.

“Damn, so you punched him on the face?” Coco chuckled, trying to contain his laughter since he didn’t want to ruin the piece you were doing on him.

“Listen, he was messing with my baby sister, of course I did. Let’s be honest he fared better with me cause my dad would have killed him.” You ran the needle along Coco’s skin, admiring the previous work he had done.

“Damn mami, remind me never to mess with you.” Coco smirked.

“I don’t think you’ll need a reminder, but I got you Coco Cruz.”

From there, your relationship evolved. You two started off as friends and in six months, Coco won you over, which wasn’t hard since you had a crush on Coco since he stepped foot inside your father’s shop. You were shy and it’s not like they were exactly approachable.

But when you got to know these men better, you realized they were definitely hardened men who could kill people in a bat of an eye, but, they were also kind hearted men.

There was hardly any black and white in the world.

So many grey areas were what was had instead.

You and Coco have been together for four years now and as much as Coco didn’t think it would last, your relationship would surprise him instead.

Coco was never a big fan of himself.

He thought he was worthless, a scum and he was making up for past grievances by keeping to himself and not ruining others’ lives, like his children.

But you showed him that he was more than that.

Traditions he used to scoff at were now becoming things he looked forward to.

New year’s celebration.

Christmas celebration

Thanksgiving celebration

And Halloween.

You absolutely loved fall and as soon as it was October, you were decorating the house you two shared. 

This was the second year in a row that you were decorating the house and if Coco was honest, he looked forward for the rest of the years you would be doing this.

He realized early he wasn’t willing to let you go. He was in love with you and you made him better.

Even if you forced him to drink a pumpkin spice latte.

Currently, you, Letty and Coco were at the pumpkin patch, looking for three pumpkins that you three could carve together.

Another thing Coco appreciated was how you accepted every aspect of his life. The club was going to be hard, at least he thought so, but you were part of this band of misfits before you two even dated.

But then Letty came and he became lost.

He couldn’t ruin her life.

But then your words brought him down.

“I know you feel that you’re a terrible man, one who ruins anyone’s life when you touch them, but that’s not true. You made my life better. The best thing about life is that everyone gets a second chance, this is it for you and Letty, take it.”

He took your advice and he was incredibly glad he did so. 

You gave him the strength to push the doubts away and give Letty the life she never had with Celia. You and Letty immediately got along and ever since then, you three were a little happy family.

Coco watched as you and Letty took your time picking the pumpkins. He never understood what exactly you were looking for, but that victorious smile on your face always made the question fade away.

“Coco, are you just going to stand there or are you at least going to pretend and help us pick?” You teased your fiancé as you playfully narrowed your eyes at him.

Coco chuckled. “For what? You two got it handled.”

“Your input would be nice.” You pouted.

“Okay mami, I got it.”

You three picked your pumpkins and just as you were all going to go home, Bishop called. Coco had taken his bike, meeting you after his shift at the yard.

“I’m sorry reina,” Coco frowned.

“It’s okay, I get it. We can do it later.” You offered him a smile, understanding the importance of the club. “Letty and I can go shopping for Halloween costumes.”

Coco took his wallet out to give you some cash, but you shook your head. 

“Don't be silly, I got it.” You pressed your lips on Coco’s and hugged him. “Be careful.”

Letty hugged him as well. He got on his bike, glancing at his mirror every once in a while till you both were out of his range.

Coco never cared about losing his life when going to do something for the club, but now, he had something to live for.

Coco came home later that night with Letty asleep and you sketching on the couch. He saw the relief come over your face and he had to smile at that.

“Hello mi amor.” He dropped a kiss on your lips.

“Hey baby, everything okay?” You questioned.

“Yes, just usual bullshit.” The rebels were ambitious and had a good cause, but at times, Coco questioned just how great the cause was. 

You nodded, continuing to sketch, feeling at ease with Coco home. 

Coco watched you, the sense of calmness that he felt whenever he was with you was something he craved for as long as he’s known you. He always waited for the rug under his feet to be pulled, knowing you wouldn’t stay with him for much longer, but for some reason, you’ve stayed.

And with how much he loves you, he would never want you to walk away.

“I love you.” Coco blurted out of nowhere.

The way your eye softened made his heart skip a beat, the blush on your cheeks further making his heart rate race.

“I love you too. Everything okay?” You closed your sketchbook then, placing it on the coffee table. You sat on his lap, his arms wrapping around you.

“Yes, everything is good baby.” Coco never liked himself too much. Due to the verbal abuse from Celia, his self esteem wasn’t the best even though he’s been working on it. He craved the assurance that he was enough, that he was good enough. 

He never had a true family either.

But it was changing with you.

He became a part of your family. You had him wanting something more in life. You gave him the strength to be there for Letty. 

“Just realized something.”

You raised an eyebrow, running your fingers through his hair. “And what’s that?”

“I like me better when I’m with you.” 

Johnny Coco Cruz never thought he deserved anything.

He definitely didn’t like himself much.

But being with you, growing with you, he found himself liking himself better.

Irreverent Pt. 39 - Dinner Party

Title: Irreverent Pt. 39 - Dinner Party Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Reader Rating: M Words: 5812

Irreverent Series Masterlist

Clyde was handling another assignment so you were working out of Quantico for the time being. You'd learned really quickly that not everyone had a Penelope Garcia at their disposal and you needed to skill up fast. You'd bribed her with concert tickets and a very handsome Elliot Greenberg as her escort in exchange for teaching you the basics.

Elliot worked for the white collar crime unit in New York after the BAU rejection and had recently made the transition to Quantico for sex crimes. The two of you had kept in touch over the years and he'd hit you up when he'd moved back. He'd broken up with his girlfriend back in New York for the job - which really just told you the girlfriend hadn't mattered all that much. Elliot was smart, good looking, and doing well at work but you knew he also had a nerdy streak that Garcia would appreciate.

It was kind of fun being on the other side of a case and watching Penelope in action. You figured it would be easiest to learn on the job so you'd stayed holed up in her office and the two of you worked together with the team on a case. She taught you how to do some of the less complex stuff and you got to flirt with Hotch anytime he called for an update - it was a win-win really.

When they got back, he'd decided to have everyone be home for a week and do reports and consults to coincide with your schedule. No one was really complaining about a week of no travel.

Aaron had gotten home before you as you'd had a late afternoon meeting with McKinney to update him on your progress. When you walk in, you can smell roasted spices wafting from the kitchen. Aaron had always enjoyed foods from other cuisines but with you he'd really embraced cooking it as well, since you'd lived all over and had curated your own recipes over the years. If your nose wasn't mistaken, he was trying his hand at your Chicken Vindaloo recipe.

You walk into the kitchen to see him wearing an apron and manning the stove while Jack sits at the island doing his homework.

"Hi baby." You greet Jack and place a quick kiss to his head before going over to observe Aaron's handiwork - it smelled pretty good and he already had the rice cooker going as well. Jack mumbled a hello and you could tell something was off. You raise an eyebrow at Aaron who mouths "Soccer" to you, peaking a glance backwards at Jack's head bent over his worksheets.

Aaron and you had decided to sign him up for soccer lessons, figuring it was a good age to get him into team sports and be a little more active in a structured setting. Apparently he wasn't taking it too well, though you couldn't fathom why.

You take a quick taste from the spatula that Aaron had been using to stir and add a little pinch of salt to the pan. He throws you a mock glare. "I was getting to it," he mutters, shooing you away.

You leave him to the cooking and go sit at the island by Jack. Grabbing a tangerine from the fruitbowl, you peel it and break off a piece. "Orange for your thoughts?" you ask Jack.

You can see him hesitate but he still reaches out for the small slice, putting his pencil down. "I don't want to do Soccer," he confesses, reaching for another piece. Aaron's back is turned and he appears to be bustling around the kitchen.

"What part of it do you not want to do?" You pop a piece of tangerine into your own mouth as well.

He seems to consider your question as he chews on another piece. "It seems messy and the other kids seem mean."

You and Aaron had taken Jack by the soccer field a couple of weeks ago and you realize he's referring to the mud covered kids all pushing one another. Jack was a sweet and sensitive kid and you could understand how that was maybe a stressful situation for him. But you also wanted him to give it a shot because it would be good to do some team activities - help him make some more friends and be more active.

"It does seem kind of messy," you agree. "But I don't think the other kids will be mean. You're good at making friends and as long as you're nice to them they'll be nice to you."

He thinks over your response and you know you can seal the deal. "If you don't like it after you give it a fair shot, then we can discuss. Is that okay?" Jack was a reasonable kid and you and Aaron tried to give him choices as much as possible.

"Okay, Y/N." Jack nods, grabbing the last piece of tangerine from your palm.

"You know," you lean in a bit to Jack, lowering your voice, "your family has a special history with soccer fields."

"We do?" He quirks an eyebrow at you and he looks so much like Aaron in that moment. The cheeks are all Haley but the expression is completely Aaron.

"Well, you know how your parents met, of course," you confirm with mock seriousness.

Jack smiles and nods. "Pirate #4"

You laugh, ruffling Jack's hair. Aaron had kept his word to Haley and he did his best to make her a part of Jack's life as much as you could. But you had a feeling this wasn't a story Jack knew yet. Jack had been obsessed with all of the Disney movies lately so you know he'd appreciate a good romance story.

"Yes, your parents met during the play. But your dad was quite the young soccer star when he was in high school." You look and see that Aaron is adding the finishing touches to dinner and undoubtedly listening in. Jack has turned fully to face you, bringing his chair a little bit closer to yours.

"Well, your mom started to go watch him practice and go to his games. After a game where your dad scored the winning goal," you pause as Jack hangs on every word, "they were hanging out on the field and your dad finally plucked up the courage and asked your mom to be his girlfriend."

"That's pretty cool, I guess." He smiles, turning to look at his dad. "But not as cool as Buttercup and Wesley. Can we watch The Princess Bride again after dinner?"

You and Aaron laugh as he nods and tells Jack to go get washed up for dinner. The three of you had already watched The Princess Bride a couple of times and Aaron insisted that Inigo Montoya looked exactly like his old boss, Gideon. He'd pulled up pictures to show you, but you just didn't see it. It was probably the longest argument the two of you had had in recent memory.

As Jack leaves, Aaron turns to look at you, his face identical to Jack's from earlier, eyebrow quirked just the same. You know he's wondering how you knew that story about him and Haley because it sure hadn't been from him.

"Jess and I bonded while you were gone," you explained with a small smile. "He should know your love story."

Aaron nods as you get up to get changed for dinner yourself. He adores that you go above and beyond to make sure that Jack feels connected to Haley. Sometimes, though, he worries that you end up minimizing your role in his and Jack's life in the process.

As far as Aaron was concerned, Jack got to be witness to his favorite love story.

*------------*

With the whole team at home base for the coming week, you and Aaron decided to host the long postponed dinner party that you had initially aimed to have as your relationship reveal party. Between the team jumping the gun on you and then all of the work and cases, it had gotten pushed back indefinitely. However, now seemed like the right time to do it. You'd planned it for the end of the week when both Henry and Jack were invited to a birthday sleepover and all of the adults had the next day off.

Emily, Derek, and Penelope were all bringing dates. Rossi was seeing Strauss but knew better than to invite her to a team thing. You still remembered worming that particular secret out of Aaron. You had known something was up when you'd happened to catch his face when Rossi told him. You'd been too far to actually hear what caused that face, so you'd brought it up later. In his defense, he'd valiantly tried to protect Rossi's secret, but you had your ways. When he'd finally given in and told you, you regretted having tried so hard to get it out of him. Rossi and Strauss. Just the thought of it made you shudder.

However, with that large of a group, you decided to get some outside help, though you'd still make dessert. You'd left for lunch to go meet with the caterer, taking Rossi along with you since he'd actually be helpful. Aaron was in some budget meetings through lunch anyways and you'd grabbed him a salad on the way back. You thanked Rossi for joining you and he took Aaron's food up with him as you turned to see Derek and Emily hanging out by her desk.

"Hey, so what'd Hotch mess up?" Derek asks as he sees you.

You're confused for a second as to what he means but then you catch sight of the large bouquet of flowers on your desk. Your heart stops. You recognize that arrangement - the ostentatious roses arranged artfully. You'd forgotten what day it was. After he missed last year, you'd thought he'd forgotten - that he'd moved past it finally. This was the first time they'd arrived at the office. Usually it was sent to your home so you could deal with it in private.

You approach your desk not bothering to look for a note. Quickly, you pick them up and place the bouquet in your trash can, in the hope that no one else would see them. Both Derek and Emily eye you curiously.

You have to make sure your voice will come out steadily before you speak. "They're not from Aaron."

You hope they'll just go back to their conversation as you sit down in your chair, your mind whirling. You'd have to deal with this situation. Him sending them to work was an obvious escalation and to what end, you couldn't be sure.

From the corner of your eye, you see Derek stand from his spot on Emily's desk. He walks towards you with purpose and before you can stop him, he's reached into the trash can and fished out the note.

"Matthew? He's sending you flowers?" His voice is low and he looks troubled, holding the note in his hands and taking a seat on your desk instead. Seemed like him and Emily had decided he'd deal with it, as she was conspicuously missing, leaving just you and Derek in the bullpen.

You sigh internally. It had been too much to hope that they would've just ignored it. "It's our anniversary," you explain, looking around and making sure there wasn't anyone else around. "He didn't take the break up well. Now he sends flowers every year to torture me - though usually he's tactful enough to send them to the house."

Your revelation does nothing to ease Derek's mind. If anything he looks even more worried now than before. "So he's escalating. Trying to get your attention."

"He's not going to actually do anything," you say, trying to sound reassuring. "I can handle it, Derek." You place a hand on his knee closest to you and look firmly up at him. The last thing you needed was for Derek to be all worried and nosey about the situation. Or worse, for him to tell… "Do not tell Aaron."

He looks at you as though you're stupid and you can tell he's going to argue with you, but you really don't want to bother Aaron with this. Not in the one week you guys have at home together. "I mean it, Derek. He has a thousand other things to worry about. My sociopath ex does not need to be one of them."

Derek frowns and you know he's racing through the thousand cases you guys have done on stalker exes and escalation. Luckily for you, Matthew was too lazy to actually stalk anyone. Unluckily, he still found the time to order you flowers to remind you that he'd once been a very large part of your life. You didn't even like roses. With a glance up to Hotch's office, Derek nods, knowing he won't be able to convince you otherwise right now. He drops the note back into the trash can as Emily returns and you all go back to pretending to work.

It's late afternoon when you hear Hotch calling your name from the upstairs landing. "Y/N, can you come up here please?"

You'd gotten very little done, your mind whirling with what to do about the Matthew situation. You just wanted it to be over. You briefly wonder if Aaron wants to talk about the meeting with the caterers or Jack's schedule for the following week when the two of you will both be away. You enter his office, closing the door behind you.

"Hey, what's going on?" You walk in and take a seat on his couch. The blinds facing the bullpen are closed, but the ones facing outside are open, casting a warm glow around the room. Curiously, he hasn't moved back to his desk and is standing in front of you, with a concerned look on his face.

"When were you going to tell me about the Matthew situation?" he asks, placing his left hand on his hip and looking every bit the part of SSA Aaron Hotchner instead of your boyfriend.

You let out a breath. You couldn't believe Derek had told him, after you'd specifically asked him not to. And now he had that furrowed brow and the concerned face and he has a deadline from Strauss on the new budget. This wasn't what he needed right now and you knew it would distract from everything else.

You grit your teeth and stand up, ignoring his voice, and open the door to his office to scan the bullpen until you catch sight of who you're looking for. "Agent Morgan," you call out, "could you please join us up here?"

Derek looks up at you before he quickly walks upstairs and enters Hotch's office. He goes and stands by Hotch while you close the door once again, undoubtedly knowing what this was about. The two of them made quite the image - frowns marring both of their faces though Aaron's was less pronounced. I knew moisturizing was a good call.

Squaring your shoulders, you cross your arms across your chest, facing the two of them. "Figured it was more efficient to just talk to you both together. Save you the trouble of finding each other afterwards," you say, your tone hinting at how annoyed you were. Not that either one of them had the decency to look ashamed. If anything they looked defiant.

Aaron started to speak but you cut him off.

"You two need to realize that I can handle my own problems. If I say Matthew isn't an issue, trust me. If I say I have it handled, believe me that I do."

"No." You expected that, but not from Derek. Maybe from Aaron, but not from Derek.

"Excuse me?"

"I said, no. Not with our jobs. Not knowing what we do. I'll tell Hotch, I'll tell the whole team. The more people on the lookout the better."

"I -"

"Morgan's right. So, let's figure out what to do."

"There's nothing to do. He sent flowers, not a bomb. Leave it alone. If the worst thing he does is send me flowers once a year - well people have dealt with worse. You're both overreacting."

"You expect us to do nothing? What about when he escalates?"

"He won't!"

"You can't possibly know that." His entire demeanor is stiff and tense and he's aggravated with you for not taking this as seriously as he is.

"I was with him for four years, Aaron. Trust me. I know him. He has nothing to gain from an escalation and everything to lose. He's married, he doesn't exactly want me back. He just hates that I dumped him and once a year he remembers that and gets pissed off and drunk and in his own passive aggressive way, chooses to do this. It's not worth any of us wasting a second more of our time on!"

Derek looks like he'd rather be anywhere but standing in the middle of the two of you at that moment.

Aaron breathes out slowly before he speaks, as though if he takes a moment it'll prevent him from shaking you into seeing it his way. "I still would like for the team to be on alert. Just in case." It would appear he'd decided on the reasonable approach.

You groan, but know that's the best you're about to get. At your nod, Aaron and Derek exchange a look before Derek moves to leave the room.

"Hey," you stop him as his hand touches the doorknob. "Next time I ask you to not tell my crazy, overprotective boyfriend something. Just don't."

He grimly shakes his head at you. "No promises."

You narrow your eyes at him. The two of you will be discussing this later.

Turning away from you, he nods at Hotch before opening the door and closing it behind him.

Aaron sighs before sitting down on the couch next to you. "Why wouldn't you just tell me?" he asks, as though he's afraid of the answer.

You know he's genuinely worried about you and grasping at the implication of you not telling him about this. You reach across the couch cushion and grab his hand, squeezing it. His fingers intertwine with yours instantly.  

"Aaron, if I thought - for even a second- that this was some sort of actual threat, you'd be the first person I'd tell."

Which was the truth. If there was any chance that Matthew was a threat to Aaron or Jack, you'd have told him immediately. As it stood, however, your ex boyfriend was nothing more than a coward who got off on his little annual psychological warfare.

He nods, his mouth a straight line.

You spend a few more minutes in his office reassuring him properly (How convenient that the blinds were already shut), before leaving him to finish up the rest of his work.

*------------*

Derek watches from the bullpen as you exit Hotch's office, not a hair out of place, though he could imagine that hadn't been the case a minute earlier. He sees your eyes dart around furtively before making a quick phone call. You say barely two words before hanging up.

*------------*

Ricky Costello had the self-assured charm of a boy who had never questioned his place in life. He'd grown up scrawny and had to learn how to fight and stand up for himself. As he'd grown older and filled out some, people knew better than to pick on him or anyone he was friends with. He was loyal, headstrong, and the smartest of the family - which is why his father had pulled some strings and gotten him into a good school where he could learn something and be of some use to the family.

You'd met Ricky in your accounting class when he'd tried to partner with you for a project, thinking you'd do all the work for him. He'd had to rethink that strategy when you'd shown up at his dorm room, pretended to be his girlfriend to get rid of his flavor of the week, and then promised to continue ruining his chances with every gullible freshman unless he did his share of the work. Needless to say, the two of you had the best project in the class.

You arrived at the bar he'd texted you the address to. It was in a quiet street just off central downtown and at six in the evening, there were only commuters headed back home. No one paid much attention to you as you quickly looked around before entering.

The place was mostly empty save for an older couple seated at a table in the corner. You see Ricky seated at the bar and you make your way towards him. Feeling someone approach, he turns around, a grin breaking out on his face when he sees you.

"Hi Doll," he stands and wraps you in a hug that lifts you off the ground and elicits a small squeal of surprise.

"Hi Ricky." Your face lights up at the sight of him. It had been a while.

He indicates to the bartender for another round, before guiding you to a small table at the other corner of the bar. He pulls out a chair for you as the bartender sets down two glasses of scotch.

"Cheers," he says, lifting his glass and clinking it with yours. "To seeing old friends."

"Cheers," you smile, taking a sip, your eyes studying him. He looked older, the beginnings of grey could be seen near his temples. His leather jacket hugged him just right and he'd grown out his usual stubble into a full, well-kept beard. His smile was still very much him - a little cocky and every bit as affectionate as you remembered it.

The two of you drink for a while as he catches you up on all the drama your old group had gone through recently - the weddings, the breakups, the kids. It was odd to have missed out on all of it.

"So, tell me, why'd you really call?" he asks, leaning back in his chair, his hand playing with the rim of his glass.

You take a breath, mimicking his posture. "Matthew is planning on running for Congress."

He takes in your pursed lips and the tenseness of your shoulders. "I heard," he says slowly, deliberately. "Been meaning to pay him a visit. Congratulate him."

"Congratulate him for me too."

The quirk of his lips tells you he knows why you're telling him this. There was no love lost between Matthew and Ricky. If they were in the same room they were bound to get into it. You'd done your best to keep them sequestered in different parts of your life - however some events were inevitably meant for larger groups.

He nods with a soft laugh, before indicating to the bartender for a second round, which is delivered promptly.

"You should come back, Y/N. Give up the straight laced thing. The crew, we miss you, doll." His voice is earnest and for a moment you see the hint of the boy who'd confided all his secrets to you during study sessions that had bled into the early morning hours.

You smile, and your voice catches ever so slightly. "I've met someone - and well, he's pretty much as straight laced as they come."

Ricky laughs at that and you know he's just a little surprised. "What's his name?"

"Aaron." His name feels right at home in your mouth.

"Nice Catholic boy?" His face is one of boyish teasing.

"I always did have a thing for those," you joke. And you know, you know Ricky will take that in the friendly manner that it was meant.

The two of you wrap up and Ricky closes out the tab before walking you back to your car. As you're about to pull out of the parking spot, he leans into your window, placing the lightest of kisses to your cheek.

"Tell your boy Aaron, he's the luckiest guy in the world."

*------------*

You hear the front door open and close as Aaron arrives, having dropped Jack off at the birthday party sleepover he was invited. You'd spent the day making sure you'd made enough tiramisu for all the guests while both Jack and Aaron snuck bites of it when your back was turned.

You've just finished dusting off the final pan with cocoa powder, when you feel Aaron's arms circle your waist from behind. You have to slap his hand away as it makes its way into the dessert. Him and Jack had polished off half a pan that morning and at this rate, you'd have none left for the actual guests.

"You can't eat all of the dessert before the guests get here. At this rate, you're pretty much cut off from it entirely. I don't think I can make it again if you and Jack are going to be like this," you scold, turning and poking at his stomach.

He doesn't have the decency to look even a little embarrassed. He just smiles and shrugs, his arms encircling your waist again. "I'll just have to find something else to eat instead, I guess."

His words send a spike of heat and desire through you. The two of you had been making the most of being home at the same time and every night had ended with him between your legs - one way or another.

Shaking your head, you escape his hold and move to clear the island for the caterers. He was relentless, however.

"You expect to wear this and have me keep my hands to myself?" His voice is a deep rumble behind you as his arms cage you against the island countertop and his mouth finds your pulse point. He's referring to the off shoulder dress you'd changed into while he'd been gone, highlighting your collarbone magnificently. It flared out from the waist, making you look like the epitome of the perfect housewife you had once been destined to become.

"I'd hoped you'd at least wait till the end of the night," you retort. His arms are warm and his chest firm behind you and you really didn't have it in you to push him away again. You were pretty helpless against him.

"I always like to get a head start." You can hear the humor in his voice as he pushes you against the counter a little more firmly, his arms coming from around you to clear the space right in front.

"Aaron." His name escapes you with a soft sigh as he plants warm kisses along your neck down to your exposed shoulders. He sweeps your hair to the front, lips traveling down your spine as his hands move underneath your dress, finding the waistband of your underwear and then slipping inside to find you wet, warm, and waiting for him.

He lets out a groan at the feel of you and can't help but grind himself against you. He knows he's working against the clock and is surprised you've let him get this far.

You let out a sharp gasp as his thumb presses against your clit and he inserts two fingers deep within you. He had the art of getting you to come, down to a near science. He quickly pumps his fingers in and out, his thumb rubbing your clit in repeated circles. With his other hand he brings your head around and captures your lips. The press of his lips against yours is a feeling you'll never tire of you.

You come embarrassingly quick, fluttering around his fingers, your back arched and your ass grinding into his hard length behind you. He turns you around, his mouth hot and needy against yours. When you pull away, his eyes are blown wide and there's a sheen of sweat on his forehead from the exertion of keeping himself from simply plowing into you.

You make quick work of his belt buckle and help him work his jeans and underwear down, eager to have him in you. With one eye on the clock behind you, he hoists you up to the countertop, placing you on the edge, and enters you swiftly, eliciting a loud groan from you.

"Fuck, sweetheart. Always so ready for me. Always tight…wet." His voice is rough and low and makes the coil in your stomach tighter and your breath come out harsher. He moves efficiently, his head tucked into the crook of your neck and his arms working to keep you balanced on the edge.

His breath is warm against your neck, and he's panting and leave wet open kisses to any skin available to him. Your fingers dig into his shoulders, holding on for dear life as he thrusts into you. You're close and you know he is too based on how irregular his movement is becoming.

You remove one hand from his shoulder, pulling on his hair to move his head enough to reach his mouth in a lazy kiss. He groans into your mouth as he comes, drawing your orgasm out right after, causing you to tremble against him.

As you come down, you're entirely slumped against his chest and he's moved you to sit more firmly on the island. You know you look nowhere near as presentable as you did fifteen minutes prior, but you're finding it hard to be too upset about it.

Still, you can't help but be a little bratty about it. "I'm going to have to redo my makeup," you whine against him.

Laughing breathlessly, he picks you up to carry you upstairs. It was a wonder he had the strength to do that right after. You could barely stand up when he deposited you outside the shower.

The two of you work quickly to get cleaned up and Aaron is the one to let the caterers in as you redo your hair and makeup. You fish out another dress - one with sleeves and a higher neckline. You couldn't afford to be pulled into the coat closet with people around.

*------------*

An hour and a half later, the party is in full swing. Emily had brought Henry Eastwood - Senator Williams's Chief of Staff. The two of you had run into him while out shopping a few weeks back and having recognized you, had come up to say hello. You had a feeling that had Emily not been with you, he would've entirely ignored some girl his boss had dated for a few weeks a year or so ago. However, you couldn't deny that they made a handsome couple.

Penelope had brought Elliot - the two of them had really hit it off and you were happy to see her smiling and laughing with someone. You'd given in and allowed Rossi to bring Strauss and you were pleasantly surprised to see her being on her best behavior around Aaron. Derek had brought Savannah and they were talking to JJ and Will.

You walked to the kitchen to open up another bottle of wine and refill everyone's glasses. It seemed Savannah had followed you, empty glass in hand. Laughing, you top off her glass with the almost empty bottle in hand, before opening the next one.

"Thanks for having everyone over," she says, taking a drink from her glass.

"Of course. Aaron and I honestly meant to do this ages ago, but work got away from us."

You have a feeling Savannah wants to talk to you about something else, however, so you don't say much more, trying to give her the chance to speak up.

She looks around a little nervously, but seems to make up her mind. "You're different for Derek, you know. Different from Emily and Penelope. He's very protective of you."

"I'm protective of him too," you respond softly. You know what she means however. You and Derek had gone through the worst thing in the world together and only came out the other end because of one other.

"Savannah, you have nothing to worry about," you reassure her, knowing that's what she really needed at the moment. Her and Derek hadn't had much time together lately and you could understand feeling insecure. "Derek loves you and you're good for him. You challenge him and you're the first girl I've seen him be so head over heels for."

She smiles and you know that helped a bit. "Thanks."

The two of you each grab a bottle and head back to the main living room. As you pour more wine into Dave's glass, you catch Aaron's eye and you feel warmth pooling in your stomach, the promise of a good night ahead of you. You walk around the room and top off everyone, making sure there's enough appetizers still out.

Derek offers to help you carry back the empty platters and follows you into the kitchen. "So, I heard something interesting today," he says, placing the platters on the counter.

You hum, as you grab more of the stuffed mushrooms from the warmer and arrange them on the empty platter.

"Cops responded to a call about a break in in New Hampshire, placed by someone's neighbor," he pauses and he knows you're listening. "When they get there, guy living in the house was obviously beat up, but his wife seemed alright. Just a little shaken up. Funny thing is - dude refused to press charges, even though cops could tell that the house had been broken into."

Your posture has gotten incredibly stiff as he spoke. He knows. You don't say anything, simply look at him apprehensively.

"Tell me," he continues, "what's the Italian mob's going rate to put the fear of God in someone?"

You take a breath, before meeting his eyes. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh yeah, you wouldn't. Probably get the friends and family discount," he trails off, grabbing the platter and walking out of the kitchen.

Crap. He really did know. He knew about Ricky. Which meant he'd probably gotten Penelope involved as well.

Quickly composing yourself, you carry the other platter out, joining him by the appetizer table.

"Derek - "

"Don't worry. Garcia won't say anything."

You look at him, and you know he won't either.

"Thank you."

He nods, popping another mushroom in his mouth and smiling at you. He wouldn't be doubting you again when you said you had something under control.

He wouldn't tell anyone. When Hotch asks him later about the Matthew situation, all he'd say was that it was handled. Hotch would pause, look at him, but then trust Morgan to know that it was really handled.

Excerpt/Sketch Scene: Ardisci

I shared lines from this recently but in looking it over I remembered how much I love it so I decided to share. From Ardisci’s POV, Ardisci is the god of knowledge and is living sort of in-hiding on Earth.

---

Alright. So we’re here: Kaitlyn is lying on the couch, reading chapter 3 of her textbook on cultural anthropology. Netalia is lying on the floor, her book— a thick book with thin pages that’s a survey English literature— open above her. It’s open to Lines Written in Early Spring by William Wordsworth, but I’m not sure if she’s reading it— Buttercup, her golden retriever, is licking her face, and she’s laughing and pushing her away. I’m taking notes in my notebook. My reading, Plato’s Allegory of the Cave, is open as a pdf on my laptop, though that’s mostly for show, since Netalia is here. My notebook, which Kaitlyn insists is technically a journal (but it’s not my place to say it is or isn’t— language and labels aren’t my responsibility to determine), lies in front of me, and I’m scribbling in it with a recycled water bottle pen that I got at freshman orientation that Netalia always marvels that I haven’t lost and Kait and I then share a knowing look about. If Kait (and the collective’s) definition of “journal” is a place for writing out one’s own thoughts, rather than simply noting facts for studying purposes, then yes, it is a journal. I don’t have much need for notetaking— even without the constant stream of direct-and-all-encompassing knowledge, simple information—what’s part of the collective knowledge—is provided to me automatically. But that’s why I love philosophy classes. In the science class I took I did find it interesting what aspects they taught or what they knew, but still, so much of it was known information, simply a method by which to integrate that knowledge. It didn’t excite me the same way. But philosophy? No answer came to me automatically. I know how others have answered the question before, yes, but there’s no collective answer, and I can listen to classmate’s opinions and thoughts and I actually feel like I’m learning.

Focusing. I’m journaling on the allegory of the cave. I won’t be able to bring what I write up in class, but thoughts—my thoughts, my own!—are coming tumbling out. Because I know the outside world, the sun, all of it, I am the regular people in this metaphor when everyone around me are the prisoners who know only shadows and can but squint at the sun. Because not knowing and a limited perspective isn't something I was ever able to to really have. Because not that long ago I didn’t even have an “I” through which to narrate. Google doesn't have an “I” and never has a choice in knowing that these are shadows, not the extent of human existence, but maybe I could know only that. And who would feel jealousy of prisoners chained up in a cave with only a fire casting shadows to quantify as real— and since when has jealousy been a thing I feel?

Kaitlyn had been the one to suggest I write, to journal. She’d given me a look that she told me later was frustration (which I don’t feel bad about not recognizing— psychologically speaking, most people don’t recognize the facial expression “frustrated” as they do “happy” or “sad”—it’s not a basic emotion) and said in a very calm voice that as much as she loved listening to my rants, not everyone had the collective knowledge at their disposal—she actually had to study. And she later suggested writing out my thoughts, telling me that writing could be helpful in self-discovery, which got a green-light from the collective knowledge, so I agreed to try it. 

Netalia pushes Buttercup’s nose away. “Buttercup, go-lie-down. I gotta read this.” Buttercup harumphs and trots over to me, pushing her nose into the space between my arm and my waist. That’s something I never got to appreciate—the simple joy of an animal burrowing into you. Of loving you. I suspect that’s something few gods get to experience—at least, outside of the Nature domain. And to have that physical form in which an animal can burrow into.

I can’t write with Buttercup there, so I finish the sentence, put my pen down, and turn to Buttercup, taking her face in my hands and scratching behind her ears. Buttercup starts panting, her tail wagging loud enough to slam against the carpet.

“Did the good doggie get snubbed?” I coo to Buttercup. It’s lucky humans developed a way to communicate thoughts, or I may never have had access to even the concept of thoughts and emotions, just behavior and knowledge of consciousness. At least a person can tell me what they’re thinking and feeling, even if it’s not always true— or all I’d have is what I can tell about animals, what their behaviors indicate. 

“It was not a snub,” Netalia said. “I have to read this.”

I quiet, just smiling at Buttercup and scratching behind her ears. Kaitlyn’s looking at me. I know what face she’s making without looking up, but I look up anyway because sometimes using the human eyes helps me interpret it better. There’s a slight smile. I think it’s in reference to “Some of us need to actually read the assignment.” Just because that’s usually what Kaitlyn likes to tease me about. 

Kaitlyn closes her textbook and sets it down on the table. “Talia, can we take Buttercup outside and play with her a bit? I think Addie’s getting antsy.”

Addie’s not really my name—my god name is Ardisci, and before going into hiding, Kaitlyn called me Ardi, which I love—never had I been close enough with someone for them to need a shortened way to refer to me. It felt affectionate. But going into hiding I needed a name-name, something not quite my god name. Kaitlyn had actually said that Adelaide felt too close to Ardisci to her, but once I’d picked it it had felt comfortable and I couldn’t pick another one, so we went with it. Plus, “Addie” and “Ardi” sounded similar, which made the transition easier. 

“Sure,” Netalia sits up, folding the book over her finger for a moment. “Her toys are in the basket next to the porch.” She stood and sat down on the couch Kait had been lying on.

I stood, giving Buttercup a tug towards the door. Buttercup lept, realizing what we were doing, and ran to the door, barking when it didn’t open for her.

“Hold on, girl.” Kaitlyn followed us over to the front entrance and grabbed her jacket off the hook, then handed me mine. Now out of earshot from Netalia, she said to me, “The rest of us need to actually read the assignment.”

“I know,” I said. My jacket was thick, zippered, and knit, with cables curling up the sleeves. I wanted to try knitting sometime, to see if it was as easy as the information of “how to purl” came into my mind. Kaitlyn had said she’d knit when she was younger, had described how she’d learned to spot the difference between a knit stitch and a purl stitch and how to make a cable or bauble. When I look at it I know, but I have a feeling that that knowledge is different from recognizing it.

Kaitlyn takes a moment to adjust the collar of my jacket, which wasn’t folded properly. “I know you know,” she smiles—me saying “I know” is ironic, she’s said, just as anyone saying “do you know?” is to me. But “know” doesn’t, in my case, always mean knowing, it means understanding, and that (I know) is a different thing. 

Buttercup bolts out the door as soon as I turn the handle to leave—it’s into Netalia’s family’s backyard, where Buttercup has previously been allowed to roam freely, so I’m not concerned—and Kaitlyn shouts to Netalia’s mom that we’re taking Buttercup out. Her mom, Lynette, tells us alright, and that she’s heating up some hot apple cider for us. Lynette was horrified my first year living as a human that I’d never had hot apple cider, and had filled me up on it ever since. I’d told Kaitlyn how I knew what apple was used, the origins of the drink, different versions, what was considered the best mixture. 

“Alright,” Kaitlyn had said. “But the drink you’re drinking right now. Do you like it?”

I’d been confused at first. I’d taken another sip— not really familiar with the concept of myself liking things. I knew it was generally accepted as good, but then I really absorbed the flavor, the heat, the spice, the sweetness. “Yes,” I’d said finally. “I like it.”

I bound outside, running to the basket under the porch and grabbing a frisbee. “Wanna catch?” I ask Buttercup. Buttercup jumps side to side, ready. I swing my arm, try to snap my wrist, and let go. Buttercup runs after it, but the frisbee curves, making about a 60° angle away from where I thought I’d aimed. I laugh, and Buttercup, who started running straight, looks around in confusion.

“I gotta get better at that!” I shout to Kait, and run over to where the frisbee landed. Running is nice, a feeling I’ve gotten used to. The exertion, adrenaline, my lungs pulling in air, my heart beating, lactic acid starting to flow through my muscles (which’ll make them sore later). One of the things I can’t know, I have to feel. I get to feel. I scoop up the frisbee and toss it again. This time Buttercup knows to watch it, and runs after the very curved path it follows. I run back over to Kait, meeting Buttercup halfway as she trots back with it. Kait takes the frisbee.

“Here,” she holds it out, but instead of letting me take it, guides my hand to hold it. She takes me through the motion of throwing it, of the flick of the wrist. “And here you let go. Eyes on your target.” she says. 

I know how to on an instructional level, but when Kait releases my hand for me to try, this time I pay attention not to the collective knowledge, but her instruction. I follow through, and this time it goes straighter, only curving a bit at the end. Buttercup races after it, then picks it up from the ground.

“Better,” Kait observes. She’s staring at Buttercup at first, but her eyes don’t follow the return, so she seems to have spaced on the trees. “Russell never quite figured out how to throw one,” she said.

I take the frisbee from Buttercup, spinning it in my hand for a moment. I don't look at her, knowing she won’t notice me averting my eyes.

I still haven't told her. I should tell her. It’s my obligation really, to our friendship and to my role as god. But really, just because I am the god of knowledge, did that mean I have to tell her? I’m trying to escape that role.

She’ll find out eventually. And maybe I can say I just hadn’t thought of it— I’d been shutting down the constant stream of information, and one person's death isn’t collective knowledge. If I hadn’t wondered, I still wouldn’t know, not actively.

But I do know actively. I’d checked in and realized. And decided not to tell her.

Her brother had died two years ago. That’s why he’d never found her, never shown up. I hadn’t known him, not really, but I knew him somewhat through Kait, though her memories and relationship. 

Maybe it’s a bit selfish, too. I don’t know how she’d react, but I have a feeling (that was new too, having a feeling) that knowing might change things. It might lead her back to her family, and yes perhaps I can stay in hiding without her, but I don’t want to.

A part of me has always longed to do this. Live as a person, learn, experience. Not be the source of all knowledge for once. And part of why I finally had was the pressure had gotten worse—but really, a large part of it was meeting Kaitlyn. Kait, who never used me, who never asked questions I wouldn’t know if I wasn’t god of knowledge. Who actually got to know who I was, with enough patience to handle me. Who’d believed I even got the chance to be an I.

I throw the frisbee again. It arcs a bit, but Buttercup jumps up and catches it midair. “Whoo!” Kait cheers. 

I bend down, clapping and then petting Buttercup. “Good job!” I tell her.

“Good job to you,” Kait says, tousling my hair the same way I’m tousling Buttercup’s ears. I grin.

A/N: Hi guys! This was something I came up with whilst talking to @hotchsbabygirl and this fic was born, so enjoy! 

Possible Triggers: Swearing, reference to a bad previous relationship where consent was not given and smoking.  It’s called... Sugar, yes please! 

You sigh, typing up your report of the last case as you rub your eyes. “Anyone else jet lagged?” You ask Spencer and Emily who work at the desks beside you. It’s your fourth case with the team, and as much as you are settling in well, the flying is taking it’s toll on you and you suffer badly from jet lag.

“You get used to it. Took me a few months.” Emily said patting your shoulder relating to how you are feeling. “3 months, 1 day, 4 hours and 1 minute and 59 seconds.” Spencer added. “Oh, so the first few numbers of Pi then?” You smirked. “I didn’t think of that, but yes, I suppose you could think of it that way.” Spencer said, adjusting his glasses. “Nerds.” Morgan said. “Anyone wants a coffee speak now whilst it’s fresh.” “Nothing nerdy about numbers and statistics.” You smile, walking over to the coffee machine as Spencer looks at you with googly eyes. “Just like that, IQ of 187 drops to 60.” Emily laughed knowing Spencer has a crush on the young agent. Spencer snapped back into reality and went to join you at the coffee machine where you were deciding which donut to have, settling on the chocolate sprinkles one. “That’s my favourite too!” Spencer exclaimed “Oh, sorry! Do you want it? I can have the cinnamon sugar instead.” You offer “No. It’s fine really.” Spencer smiled picking up the cinnamon one. “You have it.” “Or we can share.” You offer taking a large bite of the chocolate one, leaving Spencer the remaining half on a napkin. Spencer nods, doing the same thing and hands you the other half of the cinnamon one, noticing you make a coffee. “You want one?” You ask, noticing Spencer is still staring at you, not that you mind. You’ve developed a small crush on the slightly older agent, with you being 25 and Spencer being 28. “Please. My mug has my name on it.. The one you have been drinking out of.. But it’s fine. A different mug will be sufficient.” Spencer says blushing “Oh Spencer, I’m so sorry, I thought all these mugs were the same!” You say, feeling awful. “I don’t wear my glasses very often.” “Don’t worry Y/N. Honestly. They are mostly the same, apart from the brightly coloured ones. They are Penelope’s.” Spencer said. Meanwhile . . .

“Rossi, you won’t believe this. Y/N used Spencer’s mug and shared a donut with him, and he didn’t even flinch.” Derek said, sipping his coffee. “Damn. He must have the hots for Y/N. You know she’s studying for a PhD in psychology and forensics?” Rossi said signing off a document that Penelope gave him. “What are you all talking about?” Hotch said in a stern voice noticing the agents  are not doing their work. “Well…” JJ began and told Hotch “Pretty boy better say something soon or I’m going to flip a table.” Morgan said “Keep it professional.” Hotch said, pleased that Spencer has a crush. “No. We will not rest until genius makes a move.” Penelope giggled Back by the coffee machine . . . “You want sugar?” You ask Spencer getting it down for yourself, adding an unhealthy amount. “Please, same amount actually.” Spencer smiled, trying to buck up the courage to ask Y/N on a date. This weekend he had planned to go to a pumpkin patch and get a sweet pumpkin spiced latte afterwards, but would much rather have company, and take Y/N with him. “And I thought I was the only one who liked sweet coffee.” You say putting the now empty bag of sugar in the bin. “Looks like they’ll have to order more sugar.” Spencer smiled as you both walked back to your desks as everyone goes back to pretending they were busy and not listening/watching your conversation.

 Later in the day . . .

Since there isn’t a case, you and the team go for a beer after work to celebrate your first month with the team. You sit in the middle fiddling with your converse and sipping your beer. “So, what do you guys have planned for the weekend guys, if we don’t get a case?” You ask, attempting to make some form of conversation that isn’t work related. “Chocolate thunder and I are going to his Mom’s birthday party.” Penelope smiled, sipping her cocktail as Derek smiled as Penelope snuggled into his arms. You think Penelope and Derek are adorable together, and wish you had a relationship like that. “I’m taking Jack go-karting with Henry.” Hotch smiled “They had so much fun playing mini golf last time.” JJ said showing you photos on her phone. “I’m taking Sergio for a check-up and meeting some college friends for a drink.” Emily smiled “I’m revising for my Psychology exam. You all have much more fun planned than me.” You sigh, wishing to be doing something fun. “I’m going to a Pumpkin patch and getting some pumpkins to carve.” Spencer smiled “Do you like Halloween Spencer?” You ask, sipping your beer as everyone groans knowing what’s coming. After about 5 minutes of Halloween facts... “So yes, I guess you could say I like Halloween.” Spencer says sipping his fruit cider. “Well the pumpkin patch sounds like a lovely way to spend a Saturday.” You smile, “I’m going for a cigarette and to get another drink. Does everyone want the same of what they have had?” I’ll get a round on my way back.” You say Everyone nods, and Rossi joins you outside. “So pretty boy, you going to ask Y/N to the pumpkin patch with you?” Morgan asked “No! I’m sure she was just being polite.” Spencer said sipping his cider, trying to hide his blushing cheeks. “Just ask her Spence, I think she’d love to go with you.” JJ smiled “You have nothing to lose besides us embarrassing you for a while regardless of the outcome.” Hotch said “Besides, you have already shared cooties with her anyway.” Penelope said reminding them all of earlier “Fuck this. I’ll do it if it shuts you all up.” Spencer sighed getting up Outside …

“I can’t believe you have been here a month Y/N.” Rossi said exhaling from his cigarette. “It feels like you have been here longer.” “I hope that’s a good thing Rossi.” You smile “It is.. and Spencer has taken quite the shine to you too.” He says “I think it’s that I’m studying for a PhD, or that he’s no longer the youngest on the team.” You say Rossi chooses not to say anything, as the door opens and out comes Spencer. “Hey guys.” He says and gives Rossi a facial expression that means, “Please go away”. Rossi nods in understanding and goes back inside where the team are all behind the door like children, about to listen to the conversation. “Hey Doctor Reid.” You smile at him “Hey future Doctor Y/S/N.” He smiled back “You come out to smoke or just to say hello?” You ask. “Both actually, plus I got a leg cramp.” He said stretching his leg “I didn’t realise you smoked.” You say lighting another one up “Mainly after cases as a way of relaxing, or if something is on my mind.” Spencer said. “Can I use your lighter?” He asks “Sure. Which is it today?” You ask handing him your lighter. Spencer lights his cigarette and hands your lighter back. “Hm?” “You said you smoke after a case, or if something is on your mind. Which is it? It’s fine if you don’t want to tell me.” You say taking a drag from your cigarette. “The latter.” Spencer says taking a drag from his. “I’ve been thinking...” He begins “You? Thinking? No.. Really?!” You joke, trying to cheer Spencer up from whatever is on his mind. “Come on pretty boy... You can do this.” Morgan whispers from the other side of the door. Spencer flushed his cheeks. “Do you like Halloween?” He asks as a few quiet groans are heard from the other side of the door. “Must be the game on the TV.” You say “Or our bastard co-workers.” Spencer thinks to himself. “Probably.” Spencer says through gritted teeth “I love Halloween! I’ve got pumpkin and ghost lights around my apartment at the moment.” You smile. “Why?” “Er..” Spencer shakes a little dropping his cigarette which he quickly picks up again. “I was wondering… It’s okay if you don’t… But do you fancy going to the Pumpkin Patch with me tomorrow?” He says looking down at his converse, with his Halloween socks, little ghosts on one and Frankenstein’s on the other. You smile, a single tear going down your cheek. It has been a while since a guy asked you out, since you left your ex after he cheated. “Spencer, are you asking me on a date?” You ask “Y..Yes I am. But like I said, it’s fine if you say you don’t want to.” Spencer says, still looking down. “I’d love to go with you Spencer.” You smile, lifting Spencer’s head up with your hands as cheers are heard from the other side of the door. Spencer looks at you, smiling wide. “Really?” You nod. “As long as I get to buy a pumpkin for my apartment.” “As long as I get to kiss your cheek.. Like, right now if that’s okay.” Spencer said biting his lip. “Damn pretty boy.” Derek whispered. “We didn’t discuss this.” “But he did ask for consent. That’s more than her ex did.” Penelope whispered “Her ex?” Derek whispered back “Long story delicious.” Penelope whispered “Yes Spencer, that is more than okay.” You smile as Spencer softly kisses your cheek making you blush. “I’ll pick you up at 12.” Spencer smiled, putting his hand on yours. “For now though, I think you promised the team a round of drinks.” “Shit. I forgot about that.” You say getting up, still holding Spencer’s hand and walk to the door. “MOVE MOVE MOVE.” Emily said shoving everyone back to their seats but it was too late, you and Spencer caught them all in the act. “I didn’t realise a sticky bar floor was comfortable to stand on for more than 2 minutes.” You chuckle, finally clocking what the cheers were about earlier. ________________________________________________________________

Well guys, I hope you enjoyed that! I have a few more in the works, and let me know either in the comments, asks or on messages, if you’d like to be on my taglist! Requests are OPEN!  Follow up coming soon! Taglist: @pumpkin-goob , @jpegjade , @andiebeaword , @hopebaker , @hotchsbabygirl , @hercleverboy , @cupcake525 , @aperrywilliams

Miraculous Flash Forward Part 11: Something Missing

A Miraculous Fan Fic

Written by

AJ Dunn

Adrien didn’t get much time to spend with Marinette during her first week here as she thrust herself into preparing for the Fashion show. She wanted to make it perfect as Felix was counting on her. Adrien didn’t like her working so hard to impress his twin brother/cousin, but it made her happy to be doing what she loved and Felix was giving her every reason the G brand had to offer. 

It was easier to refer to it as the G brand rather than change all of the insignia from the Gabriel Brand to the Graham De Vanily insignia, considering there wasn’t one. However, now the G brand was featuring the Marinette label. It made a lot of the Shanghai designers jealous but they got over it quickly when they met Marinette and her kind-hearted always helping everyone else persona. Adrien was proud of her, but he was still waiting for his cousin to leave at the end of the week so he could have her to himself. 

“So what are we having for dinner tonight?” Marinette propped herself up on the stool as Adrien worked in the kitchen. “Another Cheng specialty?” she mused.

“Breakfast actually.” He cracked several eggs into a bowl, added some spices, chives, and scallions then whisked them together. He poured it over a hot skillet that he had melted butter onto. The eggs hardened slowly as he layered the egg with nori and sliced cheese. He then began rolling the square egg until it looked like a pinwheel sandwich and sliced it just the same. He separated the pieces onto three plates, then added some sausages that he had sliced to look like little squids, and a scoop of rice topped with sweet & sour sauce. He set the three plates on the counter then turned back around to hang up his apron. He moved some bowls to the sink and accidentally splashed liquid egg onto his shirt. 

“Damn,” he said stripping his shirt off without thinking about it. His back was turned to Marinette but he could feel the heat in his face as he turned and left the kitchen without looking at her. He got a clean shirt from the drawer in his closet and returned to the kitchen. Felix was already sitting next to her on her right so Adrien sat on her left. “How is it?”

“I’m inclined to stay another week if you keep cooking like this, brother.” Felix had grown accustomed to calling him that and now in front of Marinette who didn’t seem fazed by it, it was normal between the two of them. Adrien watched as Marinette toyed with her food lazily. He picked up his chopsticks and grabbed one of her sausages and shoved it into her mouth. The legs of it still hanging out of her lips as she turned to him in shock. Adrien and Felix began to laugh. The sausage quickly disappeared into her mouth as he cheeks lit up. 

“What was that for.” She choked as she swallowed the sausage.

“You need to eat, you have been running yourself ragged all week.” Adrien chastised. 

“What about you, up before the sun, gone before me, and you still make dinner.” Marinette pouted.

“Just want to make sure my princess is well taken care of.” Adrien smiled. 

“My plane leaves early I better get to bed.” Felix finished the last bite of his tamagoyaki the set his plate on the counter. 

“You can clean up if it means that much to you.” Adrien offered. Marinette smiled and began to eat her food unassisted. 

“Okay, I will.” Marinette finished her food and began rinsing the dishes and loading them into the dishwasher. Adrien watched her for a minute then went to the couch and turned on the television. He must have fallen asleep because he woke up to Marinette sitting on her knees in front of him. 

“See, this is what I am talking about.” She stood up taking his hand with her as if she could lift him from the couch herself. He moved his body to her command as she guided him to his room. He stumbled lazily behind her. Once in his room, he allowed him to fall onto his bed. He held onto her hand as she tried to leave the room. One tiny tug and she was laying on top of him, her face inches from his. He smiled coyly at her as he wrapped his arms around her then rolled to the side nesting his face into her neck. He pretended to snore as she attempted to wrestle out of his grip.

“You are not sleeping you goof.” she laughed, her struggles were in vain. His grip held her arms to her sides. He was safe until he wasn’t. 

“What are you doing?” he looked up at her in concern as her fingers began a blind exploration of the tiny hairs circling his navel. “Hey now, stop it, come one what are you doing.” He laughed uncontrollably as her fingers tickled the skin on his belly and crept to his side. He didn’t want to let go, but he didn’t know how much more he could take. He released one arm grabbing the invading hand. It was enough to give her an advantage as she threw a leg over his rolling body until she was sitting on his belly with his arms pinned to his side by her legs. She continued the invasion of tickles on his side as his shirt lifted nearly to his chest. He lifted her bottom up with his arms as she fell forward catching herself by dropping her hands on either side of his head. 

It had been enough to free his arms so he could grab her face bringing it in for a kiss. Before their lips could meet, they heard a cough at the door.

“Should I be recording this?” Felix asked, annoyed. “I mean you did leave your door open, maybe it’s an invitation to join, a … free for all?” Adrien threw a pillow at him. Felix threw it back hitting Marinette who grabbed it then leaped off the bed to hit him with it. Felix wrestled it out of her hands and beamed her on the head. Running for cover as Adrien came at him with another pillow. Marinette was left without a weapon and the boys now blocking her escape. The boys smacked each other around for a few minutes before Felix finally surrendered tossing his pillow to Marinette then headed back to his room.

“You guys are too much,” he said laughing. Marinette gave Adrien one last swat with the pillow as she marched past him. He grabbed her arms pulling her back to him as he kissed her lips gently then released her.

“Good night purrrincess.” Her face lit up 

“Good night, kitty,” she whispered, then went to bed. Adrien couldn’t stop thinking about how comfy it had been holding her on his bed and wondered how it might have been if she had been holding him back. He fell asleep with that feeling in his mind. 

Felix was gone before Adrien got up. He went into the bathroom to take a shower still groggy from yesterday. He didn’t want to hire a chef to cook for them, but he worked a lot and so did she, he also didn’t want to have to eat out all of the time. So for now, he would agree to rotate kitchen duty with her. 

Adrien stepped out of the shower grabbing his towel to dry his face when he realized he hadn’t brought in any clothes. 

“She’s probably still asleep.” He breathed to himself. He finished drying off then wrapped the towel around his waist and left the bathroom. To his surprise, Marinette was already in the hall dressed and now frozen in place right in front of the bathroom door. Part of him wanted to rush to his bedroom, part of him was as frozen as she was but the larger and more boisterous part of him wanted to take advantage of the situation. 

“Good Morning Princess.” He wrapped his wet arm around her waist pulled her closer with one arm as his other hand held her face as he placed a loving kiss on her lips. She melted into him as he knew she would. He released her and left her on the landing as he returned to his bedroom. His heart throttling in his chest as he leaned against his closed-door panting trying to catch his breath. He could hear a dozen tiny voices laughing from the hall. He listened until he could hear Marinette squeal before she slowly walked downstairs. He smiled and shook his head. 

“Adrien.” Felix had called him “I am at the airport there has been a change of plans.” Adrien had only just gotten dressed and was about to head downstairs. “Hold off on telling her please, Emelie and Amalie want you two to come to London, I am heading there myself.” 

“Why?” 

“They’re our moms, why else?” Felix didn’t sound convinced himself. “Emelie had something about signing the Agrest Mansion over to you, and staying with Amalie.”

“I’m not dragging Marinette all the way to London just for that,” Adrien said. “Besides, I still have a lot to process about all of this.”

“Emelie has made a full recovery,” Felix said “She wants to see her son, she needs to know what happened and why you are avoiding her.” 

“I’m….I’m not ready to see her.” Adrien thought to himself. “It’s just that, She was dead, I mourned her, I recovered.”

“That wasn’t her, that was…” Felix stopped, talking about Gabriel had been hard on both of them over the past year, more so since Amalie confessed to them their true parentage. 

“How do we know that she didn’t end up in that coma the same way Nathalie ended up getting sick, she had the same symptoms.” Adrien had often wondered if using the Peacock miraculous had caused his mother’s condition. Nathalie had confessed that it was damaged while she was using it. 

“Go talk to her,” Felix said. “I have to go, my flight is boarding.” He hung up the phone and went downstairs. Marinette was in the kitchen making breakfast. Adrien could smell something in the oven baking, how did she have time to bake something.

“What’s for breakfast?” He said, taking his seat at the counter.

“Biscuits and gravy.” She said, mixing a pot on the stove.

“How…. did you?” His eyebrows narrowed as he scrutinized her. “Did Tikki help you?”

“I mixed up the batter last night and dropped the biscuits this morning, the sausage gravy is the easy part.” She pulled the pan from the oven then flipped a biscuit onto two plates then spooned the thick sausage gravy over them both. 

“I was thinking if you want me to…” Adrien took a bite. She handed him a glass of orange juice then sat down next to him. “I could hire someone to come in and either cook or clean up for us.” 

“Pfft, what for?” She said as she began to eat. “Besides, we need to get used to it being just the two of us here, we also have waaaay too many secrets to trust just anyone in.” She wasn’t wrong, while Plagg and Tikki were always with them, the rest of the miracle box was safely hidden in her bedroom. Yet the Kwami’s were free to roam the apartment as long as they stayed unseen by anyone but them. 

“Marinette?” there is something we need to talk about.” Adrien gulped. She set her fork down as he watched her eyes looking back at him with concern. It was as if she could read his thoughts.

“What is it?” 

“It’s kind of about Me and Felix, but it’s kind of also about my mom, or should I say moms.” He turned his head away. This was a lot more difficult to say. 

“As in plural?” she sounded confused.

“Felix and I are twins, and Amalie is our mom.” Adrien announced then shoveled food into his mouth.

“Oh, well that explains a few things and makes a lot of sense.” Marinette seemed to understand something he didn’t. “I mean, after her first pregnancy she couldn’t have any more kids, and that was way before our time.” 

“Wait, what are you talking about?” Adrien dropped his fork unsure of where it landed. His head began to spin. 

“I know we never talk about your sisters, because no one really knows what happened one minute they were there, and the next…”

“I don’t know what to say, how do you know so much about my family?” Adrien had no idea what she was talking about. He decided to play along. 

“You know I used to be a huge fan of the Gabriel Brand, I thought I knew everything about him.”  She paused to take a bite. “His wife, his twin daughters who looked just like her. And how one day, they were just gone. I remember reading a news article that said wanted to move on and not think about what happened to his ‘little angels’. 

“When was this?” 

“I think I was ten when I read that article.” she picked up her phone and typed something into the search bar. “There hasn’t been another mention of them since.” She held up the article on her phone. A picture of a set of twin girls in their early teens posing for the camera appeared under a headline, The Agreste Twins Were Lost At Sea. He read the article. He remembered the yacht that his father used to own and how they were hit by a massive storm, he had survived with his parents but the yacht went down.

“I’m sorry you must miss them.” Marinette placed a hand on his shoulder. 

“We have to go to London.” His voice was ragged as he spoke. His whole body shook as he stared at the article. He sent it to Felix then handed her phone back. 

His phone rang as he was packing his overnight bag, Had insisted that Marinette go with, though he felt bad dragging her into the drama of his family. 

“Marinette sent me an article I think you should see.” Felix said. 

“It was me, she showed it to me on her phone, so I sent it to you.” 

“We need to talk about this.” Felix wasn’t wrong.

“We are heading to the airport, we’ll talk when I get there.” Adrien hung up the phone and headed to Marinette’s room. She was scrambling around trying to figure out what to pack. 

“Is this a Marinette thing or are all girls chaotic when packing for a weekend trip?” He laughed at her. His laughter was met with a Cat Noir pillow to the face. 

“I’m going to be meeting your mother…” She turned around looking at him confused. “Mothers?” 

“Amalie is our biological mother, but Emelie is my mother.” He said. It was weird how she was more accepting of this new dynamic than even he or Felix were. “Don’t be nervous, I mean, I am but it’s only because I haven’t seen her… or I mean see her awake all of these years.” 

“It’s just the first time…” Marinette blushed

“If she doesn’t like you then we leave.” Adrien said flatly. 

Adrien’s nerves were on edge even more as they exited the plane. He saw Felix standing near the baggage claim. He had convinced Marinette to only take one bag of clothes because he didn’t expect to stay very long and would carry her back if he had to.

They carried their bags to the car Felix had waiting. The driver took their bags as they climbed into the back seat. 

“How much does she know?” Felix asked dryly. He took a deep breath preparing himself.

“That we are twins…” Adrien started. “That Amalie and Gabriel are our parents.” 

“Anything else.” 

“Gabriel and Emilie had a set of twin girls.” Marinette added. “Emilie couldn’t have any more after that.” 

“You know something we didn’t, how odd.” Felix said. “How do we not remember them, Adrien.” 

“Given that we now know Gabriel was Hawk Moth we can only assume he used his powers to erase everyone’s memory of them.” Adrien guessed. 

“How would he do that?” Felix was still ignorant to the intimate knowledge Adrien and Marinette had to Hawk Moth’s powers. 

“Remember that one time, we were on a school trip and an akumatized victim was erasing people’s memory.” Marinette pitched in. 

“Right, he could have sent one back then to erase everyone’s memory who knew about them.” Adrien added.

“Then how did Marinette know?” Felix asked.

“Who would expect a ten year old girl to be so invested in the Agreste family.” She shrugged. “I was always a huge fan of his before...you know.” she tucked her hair behind her ear as Adrien threw his arm over her shoulder. He could tell she was getting nervous, especially talking about Hawk Moth, it had been primarily the two of them to finally defeat him after years of battling his victims.

“But, why would he want to erase everyone’s memory of them?” Felix wondered. 

“I guess we’ll have to ask them about it, yeah?” Adrien said as the car pulled up to the Graham De Vanily Manor. 

A PLANT GUIDE TO ALTERNATIVE FOOD SOURCES/PLANT BASED MEDICINE/POISONOUS HERBS

FOR WHEN YOU ARE A 15th CENTURY PEASANT AND GOING TO THE DOCTOR WILL KILL YOU BECAUSE NO ONE HAS WASHED THEIR HANDS IN A MONTH.

This post ended up huge. 

DISCLAIMER CAUSE I DON’T WANT ANYONE TO GET SICK BECAUSE THEY ATE BAD LEAF:

Natural medicine is a fascinating topic and it carries a rich history of survival, culture and human history.

It is also a valuable source of insight for traditional medicine – it is often by searching the traditional, plant or nature based solutions and researching the active compounds on them that regular medicine can be crafted. These sciences are allies, they aren’t enemies, and the end goal is, always, to save lives.

HOWEVER it is NOT a replacement for traditional medicine. Traditional medicine works on isolating and amplifying components that are proven to be the source of the healing properties of plants and other things, both increasing the chances of obtaining a result and reducing the collateral effects, as well as monitoring people on a close and safe environment were any side-effects particular to that individual, caused by other pre-existent conditions, can be taken in consideration and dealt with by professionals. Dosage is also a very important factor that has to be considered. Doctors are equipped to deal with that. Everything can be a poison in excess.

By this, I mean to say if you go around using this info to justify selling mlm essential oils or being antivaxx I’ll personally haunt you once I’m dead. Natural medicine can be an interesting addition to conventional treatments if used responsibly, but it is not a replacement and is not to be used if you have no clue what you are doing. Please don’t go outside to eat random leaves and don’t trust random moms on facebook, their ‘research’ is far less than what I did for a tumblr post :’)

I can’t stress this enough: this is intended as a writing resource and not to be used in real life or as a guide. Don’t eat/use plants you don’t know. Please don’t. I’m also not a medical professional, I’m a plant nerd :)

And – a lot of this comes from oral traditions passed on by family. So shoutout to my grandma. Most of it is stuff you should be able to verify with a quick google search and I expent the day doing just that as well as gathering more info; I can link more trustworthy sources than Wikipedia if someone is interested, but they are mostly not in English.

ALSO, as a note: Popular plant names are NOT RELIABLE and vary greatly among regions, besides, they often are used to refer to a great number of species of the same genus; when in doubt always check the scientific name of the plant as that is standardized globally and taxonomists work hard to keep it concise.

Go to the doctor if you are sick please please please please please please please please please please please please please please :)

And just one more little note: I live in South America, that’s the flora I’m most familiar with. I know very little about European and Oceanic flora; but I reckon a lot of these might be similar to Asia and North America since a bunch of these plants are invasive species originated from Asia that have adapted well and spread around the continent.

Ok, first part is medicine second part is poison.

Some general info:

TO MAKE A BALM: You’d need some sort of animal fat or vaselin + a triturated mix of the correct plant parts and bee wax. Fat needs to be melted first, then you’d add the plant mix and lastly the bee wax; it needs to be constantly mixed until it gets the balm consistency and then filtered.

HOW TO MAKE A POULTICE: It’s basically just the mashed ingredients + something to make it slightly moisty; it largely depends on what it is exactly but it could be water, milk, coconut oil or animal fat. The paste is to be spread over a warm wet cloth and wrapped around the wound.

ON TEAS: A lot of the time you will need the fresh plant leaves and not the dried versions they sell on little sacks; Or they might both work, but likely to different things. Different parts of the plant might have different effects.

ACTIVATED CHARCOAL: It’s the go-to emergency poison retardant. It has the characteristic of being an adsorptive; this means other particles tend to cling to its surface and later be expelled with it. It can cause vomiting and nausea. Regular charcoal has been used historically for the same reasons. Eating the charcoal may interfere with other medications the person might be on.

 A Few Non-Conventional Edible Plants and Medicinal Herbs:

-Pereskia aculetea: Popular names are lemonvine; blade-apple cactus; leaf cactus; rose cactus; fruits, flowers and leaves are edible and has high-nutritional value. Depending on how it’s prepared, the leaves taste somewhat like fish. The flowers are sweet, and can be used in baking cakes and pies. They have sharp thorns on the fruits and branches. It is a good emergency food-source as it causes a fulfilling sensation and can be consumed raw.

Tea made with the leaves is good for the intestinal flora. It is anti-inflamation and helps ulcers heal. Can be used externally if the leaves are triturated and mashed into a paste. The fruit is anti-oxidant;

Stanchys byzantina + some others of the genus: Known as Lamb’s ear. It’s cute and fluffy. It also tastes like fish if fried on butter. Making tea with the leaves can help with cough and throat irritation. Helps with stomachache and indigestion.

-Mentha sp. – MINT! Everyone loves mint. It smells nice and is fresh. It helps with colds and is effective against parasites such as giardia and amebas. The tea has to be made with fresh leaves for it to be effective, not dried ones.

-Arnica sp. – NOT EDIBLE AND CAN BE TOXIC IF INGESTED. Small amounts can be used as a spicy however is not recommended. However, it’s a very good topical painkiller; can be used as a balm, a poultice or on lack of other options, making a strong tea and infusing a clean piece of cloth on it then applying to the sore muscles can work.

-Calendula sp. – It’s edible but not exactly tasty, a little spice I’d say. A balm can be made from it that is very good on cuts and bruises.

-Begonia cucullata – Known as wax begonia. It’s all edible, but calcium rich so should be avoided by someone with kidney problems.

-Portulaca oleracea – The Poultice is good against acne and insect stings; helps with inflammation and tea can be used against intestinal parasites. Slightly cooked leafs can help with burns (1º degree burns, don’t apply on anything worse). The seeds are specially good against parasites. Leaves, flowers and seeds are edible.

-Conyza canadensis / bonariensis – The Horseweed. Leaves are edible. They taste spicy-ish.  Can help treat hemorrhoids and diarrhea.

-Echinodorus grandiflorus: This one is common of wetlands and water proximity. The crushed rhizomes can be put over the skin to alleviate rashes and hernias. Tea made with the fresh leaves is a diuretic and laxative; is also good against throat inflammations. Cold tea can help with skin conditions as well. Leaves are very bitter, the rhizome is somewhat sweet.

-Hedychium coronarium: White-ginger-lily or garland flower; It is common on wetlands or near water sources. The rhizomes and flowers are edible (leaves aren’t), flowers usually consumed as sort of a jam and the rhizomes as flowers. Helps with throat inflammations and pain. Oil made from this plant can be slightly sedative.

-Cymbopogum winterianus: Citronella; or Lemon Grass. NOT EDIBLE. It’s super sticky to the touch, makes your hands sticky too and very easy to get cuts from it because the leaf blades are somewhat sharp. A poultice of the leaves can be used on cuts, but the better use for it is as a natural repellent. Mosquitoes and other insects hate this plant. Just by having it planted somewhere near is very unlikely they’ll approach; candles can be made from it and incenses too.

- Pampinella anisum – Commonly known as aniseed and actually easy to find as dried leaves or the seeds. The dry leaves tea help with cold and throat swelling. Poultices and the essencial oil can be good as a relaxant; Tea made from fresh leaves is good for insomnia, nausea and stomachache. Tea made with the seeds can be used against intestinal parasites; breathing the vapor helps clean a constipated nose.

-Plantago major – Probably the most common one on this list and one of the best.  Called great plantain or broadleaf plantain. Leaves are diuretics; help against inflammations and help soothe stomachaches and diarrhea. Everything but the roots are edible. Tea helps with cold.

-Ilex paraguaiensis – Yerba-mate or just matte. Has a very good nutritional value. People drink the dried leaves tea like water in Brazil and it’s very good for cooking sweets. It is slightly stimulant(high caffeine teor) and highly antioxidant. The fruits and leaves are nutrient rich; can be good on fighting anemia; has some effect against caries inducing bacteria and is effective against certain types of fungi; it only grows in forested areas because it is very sensitive to sunlight.

-Xanthosoma sagittifolium – Arrowleaf Elephant’s Ear. Rhyzomes, leaves and haste are edible BUT ONLY IF COOKED. Tastes similar to spinach. When they are raw, they have oxalic acid and are somewhat toxic. Is somewhat good against fever. A fried leaf can be used as a wrap over burns.

-Hibiscus sabidariffa  - Slightly sour tasted tea made from the leaves; have a diuretic effect. Can be used as a natural pigment on other foods.

-Pistia stratiores – Water lettuce. It looks like a lettuce and it floats. Can be consumed as a juice, infusion or used as a poultice on hernias. HOWEVER I’d recommend never using any found on nature. Floating plants are being studied as having absorbent qualities and helping filter toxins and heavy metals from water, so much so they can make part of sewage treatment.

 Dangerous/Poisonous Plants:

General treatment idea: A very generic idea of how poisoning is treated would be the administration of activated charcoal and a gastrointestinal wash depending on how long ago has been the ingestion. Mucosa can be treated/washed with products like egg whites, milk and olive oil in small quantities. Eyes are washed with water and saline. Most poison’s don’t have antidotes, so everything else would be treating the specific symptons. Catheterization may be needed on cases where the urinal tract is paralyzed because it’s important to keep the person hydrated. Laxatives may also be used in cases where it is safe. Everything largely varies with the specifics of each compound. On many of them inducing vomit might be worse.

PLANTS:

Brugmansia spps.: Known as Angel Trumphet; Angel’s Tears or Snowy Angel’s Trumpet. This plant likes high-humidity, so in a dry climate, it might indicate proximity to water sources. The in-nature form of this plant is highly toxic; every part of it being leaves, flowers trunk or roots. Seeds and leaves are specially dangerous. Can induce a trance-like and delusional estate as well as induce visual and auditory hallucinations; can cause paralysis of smooth muscles, confusion, dry mouth, pupil dilation and paralysis of the eyes. Can lead to death; severity varying depending on part of the plant ingested as well as the age of the plant and hydration state. They start from 15 to 30 minutes after ingestion.

Euphorbia milii.: Known as Christ’s Thorn; Crown of Thorns or Christ Crown. Honestly this one’s strength is the aesthetic. It has thicc thorns, pretty red flowers and I’m pleading you all to put it on a Whumpee’s head. It’s a moderate poison compared to the others; Inside the whole plant there is a white latex substance that is toxic. It causes skin and mucosa irritation. It can cause severe stomach-ache. Can lead to blindness if non-treated eye contact occur. If ingested, can cause severe stomach-ache and ulcers. The latex is very sticky to the touch. 

Dieffenbachia spp: Similar to the one above without the fun thorns.

Zantedeschia aethiopica: The Calla Lily. In contact with mucosa’s it causes swelling and irritations; feelings of burn, nausea, vomit and diarrhea; difficulty swallowing and can cause death by asphyxiation due to internal swelling of the digestive system that in turns compresses the pharynx.  ALSO: This is not exactly widespread knowledge I think, but this plant is hallucinogen and like 2-3 years ago the tea has been used as kind of a drug around here. However, this plant does not work as other popular recreational hallucinogens; it causes damage to the central nervous system and even if used just once, the user might never recover from it. What I heard from people who did try it, is that the hallucinations tend to be really bad and on the negative side.

Cicuta maculata – If you want to be dramatic and die like Socrates I guess. Its poison was used for execution in ancient Greece.

Calladium spp. – It’s ALSO called Elephant’s ear. See what I mean by common names not being reliable? Irritation, pain and swelling of tissues. All parts of the plant are poisonous. If ingested can lead to death due to swelling of throat/tongue.

‘Curare’ – this is actually not just one plant, but a mixture of several made into poison for darts and arrows. The Strynchnos and Chondodendron genus are the most important. It was used for hunting, but considered bad practice on war. Causes paralysis of the external body and some of the main internal systems killing the prey by asphyxiation. The person responsible for producing the poison was very likely to die due to being exposed to toxic fumes, because it was needed to cook the tree-barks during two to three days. Someone hit by the poison can survive if artificial respiratory methods are available until the poison-effect passes.

Potatoes – I’m not even going to elaborate on this one but raw and green potatoes = bad; however cultivated potatoes are way less toxic than the wild variations and the most poisonous plant parts are the leaves;

Aesculus hippocastanum – A horse chestnut seed, bark, flower and nut can cause poisoning when consumed raw. Causes muscle twitching, weakness, loss of coordination; vomiting; kidney problems and stupor. It slows the formation of blood cloths and might worsen the condition of hemorrhagic wounds.

Agave sp. – The flowers are edible and the saps can be used for an alcoholic beverage. But the saps cause pain and burning in contact with the skin; it will also start to develop blisters soon after the exposure. The healed skin tends to remain sensitive and have reoccurring itchy for years after the contact. Ingesting the saps might be fatal.

Anemonoides nermorosa – Wood anemone. All parts of the plant contain protoanemonim, it can cause irritation and burning sensation to skin; ulceras on the mouth; vomiting blood and nausea.

OK that should be it for today, but it isn’t even the surface. If anyone wants to expand or correct something on this, I encourage you to do so. Just don’t eat the leaf. Please don’t.

Not all but some of the sources (again, not english): here; here; here; here; here; here; one that IS in english and a shoutout for wikipedia cause why the hell not and one to my grandma who is a lovely lady who hates just about everything in the world.

Feed a Cold, Starve a Fever

Sickfic drabble that I wrote at 12 am. It’s probably terrible but it’s fluffy so I’m good. TW: scars, fever, sickness, illness, reference to torture/mutilation. Prompts used are bolded.

Spencer had a bad habit of ducking through doorways, even though the elevator doors were an easy foot taller than him. He carried two warm cups in his hand, a spiced chai latte for Piper and his own. He smiled to himself as Anderson opened the glass double doors before sidling past him. His girlfriend, he’d never get used to saying that, had taken it upon herself to get Spencer off caffeine. It hadn’t gone well until she told him that she’d have to drink coffee every time he did. It was working so far, in that every time he almost poured himself a cup of coffee, he’d remember every bad thing his mom and Piper had ever said about too much caffeine. He’d cursed his memory and settled for a soothing cup of ginger tea.

Spencer looked up to see their corner of the bullpen empty save for his pile of pending paperwork and consultancies. That was strange, he noted. Piper was notorious for waking up unnaturally early and as such, getting to work at exactly 8 am. Dismissing it as just a trip to the bathroom, he set the cup on her desk, before remembering her distaste for stains. Her discomfort had been challenged once by Derek who had called her ‘OCD’ and proceeded to challenge her. She’d get 10 bucks if she didn’t wipe away the mug stains on her desk for the next hour. Suffice it to say, she’d failed miserably, snapping at everyone who spoke a word to her and egregiously misspelling her report. Eventually, she’d shoved the takeaway cup she hadn’t even raised to her lips into the garbage before wiping down the desk. Unfortunately, she was exactly 40 seconds from winning the bet. Spencer placed the cup gently on a counter before settling into his seat, getting started on his paperwork. Emily arrived a few minutes later, a latte held firmly in her hand. “No Piper?” Emily asked, slipping into her seat.

“Haven’t seen her yet,” Spencer replied uneasily. He glanced at his watch.

“Maybe she’s with Penelope. She’s been having a rough time with JJ gone.” Spencer leaned back into his chair.

“You think we’ll get her back?”

“I hope so. We need her. I don’t know how we do this job without a communications liaison.” Spencer nodded, taking in a deep breath.

“We still have to do the job,” Spencer sighed, glancing over at Piper’s desk. She always knew how to make his fears go away. He remembered when he’d first told her about his addiction, how forgiving she’d been. That was before he knew she’d battled it before. But she had this magical way of making everything feel so much simpler. “She should be here by now,” he murmured.

“Maybe she took a day off,” Emily shrugged. “I know Rossi took a few days to work on his book.” Spencer nodded, a little uneasy. He was about to dive into his work again until Anderson marched over to Piper’s desk, lifting a large pile of files from her corner across from Spencer’s desk.

“What are you doing?” Spencer asked in outrage. Piper would kill anyone who messed up her desk.

“Dr Bishop called me,” Grant said defensively. “Said she wasn’t feeling like coming to work, asked if I’d bring the files to her apartment. I don’t really have anything to do until Gina gets the forensic report from the Maryland case.” Spencer narrowed his eyes and Emily chuckled.

“Let the man do his job, Reid.” Taking it as a cue to leave, Grant pulled the files into a box and left promptly and Spencer tapped on his desk, still thoughtful as he stared at Piper’s empty desk. “My god, Reid, just call her,” Emily groaned as she pulled a file from her desk to start working on and he punched in her number into the dark receiver. It took a few rings until Piper’s stuffy voice filtered through.

“Anderson, where are my files? I have work to do, I can’t stay in bed.”

“Piper?” He heard muffled curses, and something crash on the other end of the line before her voice came through.

“Hello, light of my life. Have I mentioned how much I love you?”

“Yes, Pipes, is everything okay?”

“Yep, just peachy.” He heard a muffled cough on the other line.

“Piper, are you sick?”

“No… I’m just…tired?”

“Is that a question or a statement?”

“I don’t—Wait, the room’s spinning again...that’s not normal, is it?”

“No, it isn’t normal. Honey, you’re not making any sense.” He was very conscious of Emily’s stifled chuckle on the other side of the desk.

“Oh, don’t worry,” he heard her say after sneezing loudly. “’M fone.”

“Oh, well if your fone, then sure.”

“You know, last I checked, they don’t pay you to check my grammar,” she grumbled. and Spencer would’ve chuckled if he wasn’t so worried. “Besides, it’s like Dr Phil says, you don’t have a fever if you believe it strong enough.”

“Okay, that’s it. I’m checking up on you.”

“No, really, pretzel, I’m fine. Everyone has colds, you don’t have to—”

“Pretzel?” A reluctant chuckle spilled from his lips. “You know what, I—I don’t care. I’m coming over.”

“No, don’t!” But the rest of her protest was deafened by Spencer placing the receiver into his landline.

“What’s up, pretzel?” Emily said, valiantly fighting back a laugh.

“Shut up,” he murmured as he left his seat, almost tripping over himself as he made his way up the steps to Hotch’s office. Emily was still laughing by the time he marched past.

Spencer found Anderson waiting outside Piper’s apartment. “Hey, Dr Reid,” Grant greeted him. “I tried calling her cell, she didn’t pick up. I’ve been waiting for her for 20 minutes and Gina’s almost done with her report—”

“That’s okay. You can give me the files. Besides, I’ve got the spare key.” He watched Anderson leave and carefully tucked the box under his arm before rummaging through his bag for his key. He pushed his shoulder against the door, calling out her name while squeezing through the door. But the sight of his girlfriend collapsed on the floor made him drop the files, rushing to her side. She moaned softly as Spencer rolled her on her back. Piper squeezed her eyes together. He called out her name again, but she just rolled to her side.

“Five more minutes, Mama,” she mumbled, and Spencer blinked slowly. Quickly, he pressed the back of his hand to her forehead, then to her neck.

“Oh, you’re burning up.” Ignoring the number of germs that were probably covering her entire body, Spencer slung her arm around his shoulder, slowly lifting her up. He shifted her weight, inching towards the bedroom. Piper was wearing one of his button-ups that he’d left at her apartment and a pair of sweatpants. She’d rolled up the sleeves high enough that her scars were visible. Her university seal glowered against her warm beige skin while faint white lines traced her other arm. Finally, Piper seemed to wake up for a moment and her weight was shared between them until her head hit the mattress and she let out a groan. Spencer retrieved her medical supplies, returning to the familiar room with an armful of various medications and inhalers. “Have you eaten anything?” Piper shook her head thickly.

“Waffles,” she mumbled. “With butter and whipped cream and chocolate and—”

“And DayQuil,” he finished for her as he pressed to fingers to the bridge of her nose, forcing her to open her mouth. He popped the pill in and passed her a glass of water. Grumbling, she swallowed it.

“I told you not to come,” she said nasally. “You’re gonna get sick, peanut.” He looked up; forehead wrinkled. “Not peanut?” Spencer smiled at her and she looked to the sky to take an enormous sniffle. “I can’t breathe,” she groaned before collapsing backwards onto the mattress.

“How’d you get so sick?” Spencer asked her, fumbling for the thermometer.

“Well, I remember I was really sad about JJ leaving so then I was eating ice cream and then Mrs Jameson came over,” she said deliriously. “She told me her cat got stuck up a tree. I think.” She shot up, sniffed deeply, relieved at being able to breathe for about 2 seconds until her nasal canal was blocked again and she groaned, collapsing sideways. Spencer stuck the thermometer into her mouth and Piper continued the story. “So, I left and what Mrs Jameson forgot to mention was that it was raining.”

“How did you not know it was raining?”

“Because I was blasting Linkin Park. I was sad, remember?”

“Right, duh,” Spencer scoffed, folding his legs under him next to the bed as he waited for the thermometer to ping.

“So, there I was, half-way up the tree, only for the cat to jump down. Only issue was, now I was stuck in the tree and it was raining a lot and if I took the wrong step, I’d probably fall.” Piper sighed miserably. “By the time I got home, I had a huge cold and probably a sinus infection. I figured chow mein and sleep would get rid of it. But no, my body can’t fight off a cold without turning into a bloody oven.” Spencer pressed a kiss to Piper’s forehead.

“How ‘bout a cup of tea?” Spencer murmured. “We can watch Doctor Who.” Piper’s eyes drooped and she hummed before shaking her head and wrinkling her forehead.

“No, I’ve got work to do. My paperwork—”

“Really?” Spencer challenged as his gaze hardened, a nearly impossible feat at Piper’s shrunken, stiff, pale body. “Where’s the last case we went on?”

“Maltimore,” she mumbled.

“And the names?”

“Sigmund Petersen and, um, Jilly Boel,” she said, grinning. “Fee, I’m sine!” She wrinkled her nose before the thermometer pinged and Spencer plucked it, careful not to touch the moist end.

“Baby, you’re 110 degrees.”

“That’s me,” she mumbled. “Always 110 per cent.” Spencer shook his head, moving to unravel Piper’s sleeves and tucking her into bed.

“You need to sleep.” Piper tried to mumble something, tried to fight the drowsiness but her body seemed to want to heed Spencer’s words and soon enough she was snoring softly. Spencer sighed, rubbing the back of his neck as he got up from his uncomfortable seat next to the bed. He figured he’d have an hour before she woke up again, plenty of time to get Penelope to make her signature soup and clean up.

Piper rolled over, her hand migrating to settle under her pillow. Slowly, her eyes opened to find Spencer sitting in bed next to her, reading one of her books. “Thank you for staying with me,” she mumbled. Spencer looked over at her warmly.

“How do you feel?” Piper clutched her head, finding the energy to push herself into a sitting position.

“I feel thoroughly disgusting.” She smiled feebly at Spencer’s chuckle. He never laughed; Piper noted as Spencer adjusted her pillows. Always little chuckles and smiles. Sometimes it was hard to tell when Spencer found something funny, almost never at the moment. Most of the time he found things odd, but he’d always laugh about it after. He reached out a hand to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Hungry?”

“Starving,” Piper smiled. She still felt a little weak, but maybe the sickness was worth it if it meant a little love and affection from Spencer.

Beepr Goes To Shows: Governor’s Ball 2021.

In this first installment of Beepr Goes To Shows, I spent all 3-days at this years Governor’s Ball to give you crowd coverage you deserve and concert recaps/reviews you want. Stay tuned for more show write-ups and other updates!

Freddie Gibbs and The Alchemist

What happens when you put two legends on the same stage? You get one hell of a fucking show. Freddie Gibbs and The Alchemist were on another level that Friday afternoon, delivering classics from Madlib collaborative albums (Crime Pays, Fake Names, Palm Olive, Thuggin), recent singles from Freddie (Big Boss Rabbit, Gang Signs), and all your favorite offerings from Alfredo (Baby $Hit, Scottie Beam, Something To Rap About). The braggadocious swagger Freddie brings to the stage is tempered by Alchemist’s suave production and generally reserved demeanor, making them a very balanced performance. Despite being an acclaimed producer, you get the sense that The Alchemist is there to support Freddie rather than make the performance about himself. Freddie’s natural humor shines through in between songs, cracking jokes while taking tokes and hitting a bottle of Hennessy. Chants of “Fuck police,” cheers for the Alchemist, and concert-goers belting choruses created a deafening atmosphere, rivaling some sold out indoor venues I’ve visited. To call Freddie a cult artist would be disrespectful of all the mainstream achievements (Grammy nominations, cracking Billboard Top 25s, etc), and yet for some reason, he remains on the fringes of superstardom. Part of what people love about Freddie Gibbs is his larger than life personality, as he has an authenticity about him that’s naturally charismatic. If there’s anything I can be certain about after that set, it’s that Freddie Gibbs and The Alchemist have undeniable chemistry and I hope they have more on the way.

Phoebe Bridgers

In January of 2018, a report from Nielsen Music identified that rap had surpassed rock in terms of overall music consumption. But Phoebe Bridgers will not allow her genre to go quietly into the night. She very well may be the next iteration of a rockstar. From her band all being in uniform, to the stage production, and most importantly, her diehard fans: Phoebe Bridgers is killing it in all aspects of the game. Apparently, I had been living under rock for quite some time as I only did a deep dive into her music when I saw her on the Governor’s Ball lineup announcement. How foolish was I? Phoebe has an incredible catalogue despite being only 27 (bolstered by her work with groups like Boygenius and Better Oblivion Community Center). Songs like Motion Sickness, Garden Song, and ICU feel more like Phoebe hosting a singalong, as the entire crowd is belting back each and every lyric at the top of their lungs with emphatic energy. Tracks like Kyoto also fall into that category, but there’s an immense rush of excitement as the brilliance of Bridger’s music blares through over the speakers for the chorus. Ballads like I Know The End are blissful moments of serenity, as I found myself swaying with my eyes closed in my little spot in the crowd. Her nonchalance in between songs is intoxicating, as it’s a beautiful contrast to her immensely emotive and personal performance. It’s so endearing to see past what’s on the outside and find an individual who profoundly cares about their work. What perhaps is most endearing about Phoebe’s performance is how she’s unabashedly herself: quips like “Fuck nihilism, too” are interjected in between songs, her outfit a glamorized rendition of the classic skeleton t-shirts. While I might have been late to the party in terms of the Phoebe Bridgers hype train, you can bet I’m going to be early to every one of her shows from here on out.  

A$AP Rocky

As Saturday night of Governor’s Ball was drawing near to an end, there were millions of individual conversations buzzing around in the crowd. But almost all of them were centered around one question: When will A$AP Rocky start? At 9:12pm EST, our question was answered, with a bang. Crowd surfing around in an inflatable car, bullhorn in hand, Rocky showed off some new sounds as unreleased tracks (Grim Freestyle amongst the slew of unreleased tracks) boomed over speakers. Mosh pits opened up left and right as the concert slowly evolved into a beautiful, New York block party-esque chaos. Hearing recent work like his features on Slowthai’s MAZZA and Famous Dex’s PICK IT UP were unexpected yet gratifying moments. But what really amplified the crowd was hearing some of the “older” radio hits. I can’t remember a time in recent memory when I’ve been as excited as when the first synths on LPFJ2 and Telephone Calls hit. Classics like Praise Da Lord and Yamborghini High ensured that there were no lapses in energy or excitement. Babushka Boi set the crowd ablaze, as the off-key notes intermingled in the beat acted as cues for the rowdy meter to kick it up a notch. Rocky even gave up some of his set to ensure the rest of the Mob was represented, as he had the DJ play Plane Jane by A$AP Ferg. The softer side of Rocky’s discography was met with equal anticipation as Sundress and A$AP Forever were met with exuberant cheers. Fully embracing his trippy side, after asking us if we liked hallucinogens, Rocky performed L$D to a roaring crowd (he also teased us with the unreleased Mushroom Clouds after asking us if we fucked with mushrooms too). During what felt like a showcase of the Harlem rappers’ ability to generate raucous ovation, the time had the crew informed Rocky his set had to be wrapped up. An earnest plea to keep it going was made, begging to at least get off Peso, but the euphoria was always going to be finite. It’s safe to say, anyone saying Rocky fell off is full of it.

Burna Boy

From start to finish, Burna Boy kept it hot. Bringing plenty of Nigerian flair to the CitiField air, I can safely say that Burna Boy’s set was one of the most enjoyable of the weekend. Even before he appeared, loud chants imploring him to take the stage could be heard ringing throughout the grounds. As his band and mom (who doubles as his manager) patiently waited, you could see them grinning and laughing as they knew we were in for a great show. Burna Boy then graced the stage and we were transported to another world, filled with laid back vibes, political protest, and triumph. Opening up with Gbona, it was apparent that the entire show was going to be electric. Hitting dance moves, grinning from ear to ear, it was obvious that Burna Boy planned on making a stellar first impression at the Governor’s Ball (he also earned major New York brownie points by giving us an animated performance of his velvety feature on Enjoy Yourself by Pop Smoke). Hearing some of my favorite songs live cemented them even further in the favorites category, as his performance adds another level of fun and personality. Collateral Damage, a beautifully subverted political protest anthem, felt truly harmonious as the entire crowd chanted the chorus with their fists in the air. As much as I love my AirPods, the heartfelt energy of both the crowd and Burna Boy I felt in the crowd during Anybody and Dangote could never be matched by speakers. Even the less upbeat songs (such as Wetin Man Go Do) he performed were met with incredibly cheerful reactions as. Live riffs from the band during some of his most popular singles added great spice for those who are familiar but equally exciting for new listeners. It’s apparent that there’s a great sense of camaraderie amongst the whole crew, that their main goal is to put on a memorable and joyous show. I can only hope that Burna Boy and the band make trips to the states more frequently.

Ellie Goulding

Have you ever felt the urge to forget everything that’s worrying you and just live in the here and now? Then you should go to as many Ellie Goulding shows as humanly possible. There’s a good chance you’re already familiar with some of her work (I’ll get to that in a bit), but it’s an entirely other thing to see her bring them to life. Hidden under the surface of a soft-spoken, singer-songwriter is a powerhouse performer, ready to give the show and attendees her everything. Watching her confidence grow during the set, seeing her come out of a shell that had likely developed as a result of not touring, was a beautiful sight to behold. In between comments about how grateful she was to be performing, quips about her outfit, you really got to watch her conviction begin to grow and take root. Anthemic at every instance, the crowd was equally ready to return the same energy Goulding graced us with. The only thing that was all over the place about her refined and poised performance was the eclectic mix of work she pulled from. From Lights (and yes, if you’re curious, that shit slapped) all the way up to her latest album, Brightest Blue, we got treated to the Ellie Goulding evolution set. Intermingling a solid slate of collaborations like Diplo’s Close To Me (I don’t know if I’ve ever sung along as fervently as I did for that one), Calvin Harris’ I Need Your Love (okay, I lied, this is the one where I lost my voice), and Major Lazer’s Powerful, there was a reference point regarding how they discovered Goulding for everyone in the audience. Hearing oldies like Aftertaste, Anything Could Happen, and Only You instantly transported me to simpler times, back when bills and deadlines seemed like an abstract concept. In another edition of music star leads a sing-a-long, the crowd could have taken over for Lights and Love Me Like You Do. Thankfully, we got to hear Ellie too. It’s a magical moment when a few hundred (maybe a full thousand) are all united by one common goal: to embrace the present and shower the performer with adoration in the form of knowing every lyric. Harmony amongst total strangers, tied together through a common love of music. Ellie Goulding gave us more than one of the best sets from the weekend, she gave us a sense of unity and togetherness unlike any other I’ve experienced.

Post Malone

When you find a superstar, with millions of fans and millions in the bank, that you feel like you can still crack open a crispy Bud Light, you’ve found something special. And we all know that Post Malone loves a cold one. The final chapter of Governor’s Ball 2021 ended with Post Malone’s Sunday night set, a perfect way to wind down the weekend. Opening up the set with an inquisitive “Hello?” to test out the mic, this show was one of the most authentic and down-to-earth concerts I’ve been to in quite some time. It almost feels like you’re just hanging out hearing some song ideas from your friend Austin Post, wearing some regular denim shorts and a “Where’s Waldo” style striped shirt, until the audible roars from the crowd of “Posty” remind you you’re at a headliner. Arguably the most larger-than-life aspect of Post’s set was his entrance on the stage, via a smoke-cloud suspended platform adorned with metal chains. With a healthy mix of beerbongs & bentley’s, Hollywood’s Bleeding, recent singles and old hits, Post Malone was showing us all of his repertoire. Chugging beers at the request of the crowd, checking in with all of us in between songs, calling for celebration and happiness, Post goes to great lengths to ensure that the crowd is with it and that everyone is having a good time. Tracks like Psycho were somehow both relaxing and energizing at the same time, as the chorus transformed the venue into an incredible echo-chamber. We also got to see how many friends Post has, as we got guest appearances from Young Thug (performing Goodbyes), Roddy Rich (gracing us with Every Season and The Box), and 21 Savage (to perform Rockstar, which Post Malone did his best to embody all night). With each feature, the crowd seemed to kick into another fear of excitement, but that’s not to say people didn’t lose it for some of Post’s solo work. Stay, which Post performed seated strumming an acoustic guitar, was as heartfelt as it could get in its stripped down state. Despite previously admitting to not being able to sing without autotune, you could see how much he cared about capping off the weekend right while performing that song (without autotune in an effort to be as real as possible). White Iverson and Congratulations were both barn-burners, as the whole festival grounds were chanting lyrics and bouncing along. After a very long weekend of raging and raving, Post Malone’s set managed to run through the whole gambit of festival emotions: joy, excitement, surprise, and relief. It’d be disingenuous to say anything other than Austin Post has mastered the art of headlining.

Survey #365

“i’m numb to the pleasure, but still feel the pain”

Are there palm trees where you live? No. Do you own any Hello Kitty stuff? If so, what? No. What’s your favorite flavor of ice pop? Blue raspberry. Do you like animal print? What’s your favorite print? Not really. I think animal "print" only really looks nice on, well, animals. Does your dad have any facial hair? Yes. What do you think of foot tattoos? They're not my favorite, but some look nice. I myself wanna get "11121" (a Silent Hill 4 reference) "carved" onto the top of my feet. Do you like bugs or do they scare you? Some do. I've gotten more into them though as my passion for tarantulas expanded to other inverts, like mantises. Ever seen the movie Chernobyl Diaries? If so, did you like it? If not, do you want to see it? I haven't, but I'd be willing to watch it. I find the whole Chernobyl incident to be extremely fascinating, so I'd probably like it. Did your senior class in high school have a class trip? Where did you go? Bitch I wish. :/ Do you have an instagram account? What’s your username? Yeah, two: brittanymphotography and eldritch_obscura. Do you like Gir from Invader Zim? I think he's cute. Do you or would you ever own a gun? Why or why not? No thanks. If I'm not mistaken, I can't legally obtain one anyway because of my suicidal history. I'm fine with having like, pepper spray and a bat handy by the bed, lol. If it was offered for free by a professional, would you get your hair dyed platinum blonde? For FREE? Fuck yeah I'd try it. What do you normally order at Dunkin Donuts? A chocolate frosted donut, and sometimes a plain/cake one. Do you watch football? Favorite teams? No. What about WWE? Favorite wrestler? That's an even bigger no. Funniest thing you’ve ever heard a teacher say? Okay so this is hard to actually explain and it be funny. I had this amazing, kinda charismatically awkward history teacher in high school, and when talking about some legal stuff I can't remember, she deadass quoted "Without Me" by Eminem ("if the FCC won't let me be...") like so casually and everyone fucking died, just from knowing her and her personality. It was just very unexpected. Do you wear a lot of makeup? What do you think of girls who do? No. Girls can wear however much makeup they please. Do you have a savings account? Are you good at saving money? No. I can't really answer the second question because of me never having a steady flow of money. Would you rather have a relationship or casual flings? Relationship, 100%. I would never have a casual fling. Do you know anyone that’s part Native American? Yes. Who was your favorite Spice Girl? I remember none of them. Have you ever tried to poison someone? Yikes, no. Have you ever saved anyone from a fire? No. Have you ever had a seizure? No. I've had sudden spasms, but never a full-on seizure. Have you ever had an out-of-body experience? No. Have you ever had a black eye? No. Have you ever had a tooth pulled? No. Have you ever had pneumonia? I have not. Have you ever had tubes put in your ears? Yes, as a baby. Have you ever been shot with an arrow or bullet? Thank god no. Have you ever had kidney stones? No. Have you even been bitten by an venomous animal? No. Have you ever thought about being in the military? Fuck no. I wouldn't qualify, anyway. Have you ever been sedated or put under anesthesia? Yeah. Have you ever used shrooms or any other hallucinogen? No. What upcoming event are you most looking forward to? I can barely believe my tat appointment is almost here lakjsd;ajwlej;rwe What was the last song you heard? I'm currently listening to Motionless In White's synthwave edit of "Voices" they just put out. I looooove it. What time did you wake up today? Maybe like, 5:20? Is there a vase in the room you’re in? No. Have you recently been insulted? Yes. Compared to someone else of your age and gender; do you feel that you have a lot to offer someone? N O P E How many days a week do you work? I'm unemployed. Is there ONE person you feel more connected to than others? Yes. What is your worst relationship quality? I obsess over the person probably leaving, so especially at the beginning, I'm paranoid and distrustful. I want to emphasize that I'm not the asshole that snoops through her partner's phone out of distrust, but still, the fear is just there. What was your most recent serious injury? A serious one? Man idk. I've had a lot or negligible and smaller ones, but a big one... *shrug* What were you most recently happy about? I was happy to see "synthwave" in this video title, haha. Are you a fan of cake? Oh yes. What is your favorite insect? Butterflies. Is your town beautiful? Ew, no. Do you prefer the city or the country? THE COUNTRY. Have you ever witnessed an eclipse? Lots of lunar eclipses. Do you wear lipstick often? No. You’re going on a date with someone you like. What would you like to do? Considering the pandemic, probably just like... grab fast food and sit and eat at a park. That'd be cute. You’re hanging out with your best friend. What would you like to do? It'd be nice to get back to Avatar: The Last Airbender while hanging out with Doris (her beardie that I adore), too. Have you ever written or considered writing a play? No. Who is considered the “black sheep” of your family? Why? Ha, me. To begin, I like all the "dark" stuff, I'm the unreligious one, the one with political beliefs unlike most of my family, I'm not doing what I should be... Why is your favorite movie your favorite movie? It's just a masterpiece. I love love love animals, African one especially, and I find it to be an amazing story of courage and dedication to family. Plus I shamelessly love all the songs, haha. What’s an odor you hate? GASOLINE. FUCK. What’s a sound you hate? Fingernails on a chalkboard. Or screech-y noises in general. If money was no issue, what would you like to do right now? I was initially gonna say go to Yellowstone, but fuck that hot weather this time of year. So, this brings us back to Venus' terrarium; I'd want to get a new one and better materials. What’s something you’re so good at that you take pride in your skill? I wouldn't say I'm "so good" at it, but I do take pride in my writing. What’s something you’d never ever dare to ask another person? Hm. Under ANY circumstance, I guess "are you pregnant?" There's almost like... no situation where I'd be comfortable asking somebody that. What’s the worst/best thing you’ve done without your parents knowing? We're not getting into that lmao. Do you know anyone who has a hearing deficit? No. What is one thing stopping you from becoming a veterinarian? I could never stand seeing so many hurt and dying animals and still be okay at the end of the day. Are there any opinions you used to have even a few years ago that you look back on and think, “I can’t believe I ever thought that way”? THERE ARE!!!!!!!!!!! A LOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The last time you cried, what was wrong? I fell and skinned my knees when stepping over this barrier Mom made to keep the damn dog out of the hallway and thus my room to fuck with the cat and eat his food. I previously twisted my ankle, fell backwards, and had one other accident with it despite moving stuff, and I didn't cry from pain, just massive frustration. I want this dog GONE. Do you like multi-choice tests or tests you have to write out? Multiple choice. Who last called you ‘beautiful’? Couldn't tell ya, bud. Have you ever caught a firefly? Yeah, I did that lots as a kid. Do you own any camouflage? No. What’s the stinkiest pet you’ve ever had? Uhhh I dunno. Have you ever been on the news? For what? No. Have you ever seen one of your friends get arrested? No. Do you put sprinkles on anything? No, I hate sprinkles. How do you like your steak? Medium well. Long hair on guys: yes or no? Yaaaaaaaas. Is there a basement in your house? If so, what is it used for? No. When was the last time you started a new medication? It's been a while. What is your favourite type of nut? Cashews, I think. Where did you eat the best pizza you’ve ever eaten in your life? I'm so fuckin basic, like my genuine answer is Domino's lmaooo. Did you ever watch The Rugrats when you were a kid? Yeah, I loved that show. I even had the two video games; I was obsessed with the first one in particular. Do you know anyone who was adopted? Yes. Do your parents’ professions match their college degrees? No. Do you write shopping lists on paper or just remember it in your head? I don't do the shopping, so. But I would definitely need to write it down. Have you ever used a lawnmower? No. Have you ever consumed so much alcohol that you vomited? No. Can you tie balloons? No, actually. My hands are just too shaky. When was the last time you were at a pet store? A few weeks ago when we got rats for Venus. Ugh, it is SO overpriced; they come in a box of two, and as I feed her twice a month, it's honestly quite a bit of money. Like if I remember correctly, it's around $16. FOR TWO. SMALL. RATS. I've recommended we just buy them in bulk NOT from an overpriced chain pet store, but the problem with that is then we have *too* many, and the nutritional value of frozen rats apparently does degrade with time, so I don't want to feed my snake poor food. So it's just an annoying thing we have to do. Have you ever taken a pregnancy test? Not like, an at-home one. I've been tested before surgery, but that was just a safety protocol. Does your ex still think about you? "The" ex, probably not. Honestly, who is the last person to tell you that they love you? My mom. What is the last state you were in besides your own? Virginia. Would you go down to see the Titanic if given the chance? Man, that's kinda tempting. Maybe. It'd be super cool. Have you ever seen the Hollywood sign in real life? No. Did you ever see a scorpion in the wild? No, they don't live here. Do you type the proper way? Have you ever typed on a manual typewriter? Yes to both. What was your maternal grandmother’s first name? Cecelia. Name a word that people use locally that outsiders probably can’t pronounce. Conetoe. You said it wrong.

run for your life

pairing: kai parker x reader

word count: ~2k unedited so excuse mistakes

summary: snapshots of Kai and reader throughout their childhood. 

warnings: possessive Kai; Kai being Kai  

Idk what this is, I was just watching tvd and this popped into my head. I might make this into a full-fledged fic with chapters but for now, it can be a stand-alone. BUt y’all can expect more Kai related stuff soon. 

1978

You huffed as you ran after Kai who had once again run away from you. For along as you could remember Kai had always been a part of your life, being next-door neighbors and part of the same coven helped in that aspect. When you first met Kai, he had originally pushed you away and went to go sulk while ignoring you and Josie.

You couldn’t help but feel the need to get to know him. You were relentless, always pulling him to play with you and even when he antagonized you by pulling your hair or pushing you, you never let him go. Eventually, he gave in and did not push you away as much as he used to.

Wherever Kai was it was almost guaranteed that you were not far behind.

“Kai!” You screeched out, before tackling him onto the leaf-covered forest ground.

“You promised you would play with me,” you whined out. He squirmed underneath you, “Leave me alone, YN. I don’t want to play with you.”

“Come on Kai, I’ll give you some of my magic if you play house with me.”

“Fine, but I am not playing the puppy again.”

1979

It was the first day of kindergarten and you were increasingly getting nervous as you got closer to the school. You wouldn’t know anyone and you were especially nervous that Kai wouldn’t be in your class.

“You’re going to make a lot of new friends YN, it will be fun,” your mother tried to reassure you.

“I don’t want new friends I have Kai,” you replied back.

“I know honey, but you can have other friends too,” Your mother, just like the rest of the coven knew about Kai’s abilities and did not want you to be so close to him. She had tried to keep the two of you separated but you would always throw tantrums; you were still young and couldn’t properly control your magic it would send things flying, the aftermath was like the wreckage of a hurricane. Since then your mother wasn’t as vocal in separating the two of you.

**

During recess, Kai was beginning to get annoyed that his shadow wasn’t with him. For as much as he claimed to dislike YN, he didn’t dislike her as much as he hated his classmates. You were at least tolerable to him. He always hated when you ignored him and played with his sister or the other neighbors, you were his toy and no one else’s. Which was why he was currently on the lookout for you, he didn’t want you playing with anyone but him.

He could hear vaguely you sniffling, wondering why you would be crying if he hadn’t done anything to you today. When he saw you on the floor surrounded by some other kids, he felt himself get angry. Only he was allowed to torment you, balling up his fists he stomped over to where the group was. He picked up a broken tree branch and swung at the ring leader. YN was surprised that he had actually helped her, knowing how finicky he could be. He continued hitting him with his makeshift bat until he got bored and instead shifted focus on you.

“You need to stand up for yourself,” Kai scolded you while helping you get up.

“Thank you, Kai.” You replied back sniffling.

**

Later that day, Kai’s parents weren’t surprised that they were called in for his behavior. They knew he would constantly lash out and isolate himself from others. Kai was sitting in one of the chairs, stone-faced with Y/N in the seat next to him, teary-eyed and holding on to his arm.

Seeing his parents you quickly stood up, “Don’t be mad at Kai, please. He was only helping me. They were being mean to me.” You didn’t want him to get in any more trouble than he usually was, you knew his Father was often cruel to him for his abilities.

“Thank you YN, we will keep this in mind. Malachai, we will talk about this when we get home.” Mr. Parker sternly said.

1980

The past week he had been feeling down, he hadn’t explicitly mentioned it but whenever he was in his moods it was always evident when he pushed you away even more so than usual.

You had stayed over at Josie’s birthday slumber party, Kai had been throwing a tantrum that Josie was stealing his friend. For you to hear Kai refer to you as his friend, sent you over the moon.

“Mom, I want to bake cupcakes for Kai,” you yelled out to wherever she was. Without waiting for a response you began to gather random ingredients that you found throughout the kitchen, not exactly caring what they were.

“Well unless you want the cupcakes to be inedible, you should put the cayenne spice away, honey,” With that you spent all morning trying to make chocolate cupcakes with cream cheese frosting. By the end of it you were proud of your creations and were excited to gift it to Kai, later tonight.

During the slumber party games, you sneaked away to Kai’s room, where he was still reeling from his earlier tantrum. He barely looked at her before dismissing her away, “Go back to Josie, I know she’s your favorite, just like everyone else.”

“You’re just mad. You know you’re my favorite twin,” you said scooting closer with every word. Once you were next to him you reached over into your bag and took out the tupperware, that held the cupcake and a single candle.

Offering the cupcake, “Happy Birthday, Kai!” You could see his lips twitch almost turning into a smile. He took the cupcake, “YN—”

“Wait—take my hand,” he furrowed his brow in suspicion before following your request, “Siphon me,” he didn’t have to be told twice. With the magic he received from you he lit up the single candle and smiled at you before blowing it out.

1984

During lunch Kai was beginning to get annoyed, thinking that you had finally decided to abandon him. You were the only one that didn’t call him an abomination or look at him with pity in their eyes. When Kai wasn’t forcefully siphoning magic from his younger siblings he received it willingly from YN, they had become one of the two people he actually held a soft spot for and he wasn’t going to let you get away from him that easily.

As he peered through the hallway looking for you, he noticed you standing off to the side with two other girls. He hated them, they were annoying and talked even more than him, which was saying something. He muttered out an “invisique,” with the magic he still had in his system and got closer to hear the conversation.

“Stop hanging out with that freak, Malachai, YN.” The taller of the two said.

“You don’t need him, you could do so much better. Hang out with us,” the other continued.

“Shut up. Don’t talk about him like that,” YN fumed.

“He’s a total lose—” she didn’t even finish her sentence before the hallway lights burst. YN pushed the taller one into the lockers.

“Because I’m in a good mood today, I will let this go, but if you ever talk about him like that I will make sure that pretty face of yours isn’t so pretty anymore,” they threatened while caressing girl’s face.

“Do you understand?” YN asked forcefully. The girl nodded, looking to her friends as if to ask for help.

“I said: Do you understand?” YN snarled, roughly grabbing her face so she would be looking at them.

“Y-Yes, I’m sorry.” The girl squealed out.

“Good, now get out of here before I change my mind.” The girls ran away, wanting to put as much distance between them.

“That was really hot,” Kai said aloud as he undid his invisibility spell.

“Eh, what can I say? You’re starting to rub off on me.”

1989

Despite constantly being by Kai’s side, you had been invited to the biggest house party thrown every year by the captain of the football team. You had mentioned it to Kai, save for the part of the captain— you knew how much Kai despised them and didn’t want to set him off before you had even reached the party.

You had lost track of how many tequila shots he had taken, you could tell he was drunk because he was much more smiley than usual and physically more affectionate. “YN, look!” he screeched out from the top of the table as he did the running man and his odd version of what seemed to be the sprinkler. He had gathered a decent-sized crowd and brought up other people to dance with him.

Oh how you wished you had brought your camera, you quickly went over and coaxed him down to where you were sure he wouldn’t be a harm to himself. He put his arm around your waist and was trying to kiss you, “Kai, you’re drunk. I don’t want to do anything you will regret. Stay here I’m going to get you some water.”

You gently eased him onto the couch, before disappearing into the crowd.

**

To Kai, it felt like you had been for far too long and quickly went stumbling after you. When he caught up to you in the kitchen he sobered up quickly when he saw the captain of the football team putting his hands on you.

His hand rested on your hip, he could feel himself growing angrier every second. He stomped over to where the two were and roughly pushed him away before punching him in the face. Kai could only grin when he heard a crunch and feel a warm liquid covering his knuckle. He knelt to where the captain was on the floor, grabbing the front of his shirt and pulled him closer, “If you ever touch her, no if you ever look or think about her again, I will kill you.”

1990

“You need better music taste,” Kai continued to dismiss the records and CDs you had organized on your shelf.  

“Hey, the Beatles changed the game. Don’t disrespect them like that,” you said throwing a pillow at his head.

“Not my fault you can’t appreciate real talent like Nirvana and Pearl Jam.” He threw back the pillow aiming for your face, “Speaking of, I made this for you,” he continued, pulling out a mixtape he had made.

It was labeled, get some actual taste in music, in his messy scrawl. You could feel your heart flutter and a slight blush overtook your face. You weren’t sure what the two of you were, ever since the party last year, your relationship had been more than friends, but you never officially established what the two of you were. The whole school was convinced the two of you were together, and why wouldn’t they? You were constantly together, whether it was studying, ditching, or just sitting at lunch where one was the other was never far behind. You were the only one who could put up with Kai’s constant chatter, not to mention keep him from constantly being in a mood. Even Josie, Kai’s twin, was convinced that you two were together.

You put the mixtape on and moved to where Kai was standing.

“Thank you, Kai.” You muttered out, hooking your arms around his neck. You pulled him onto the bed and kissed him. With each kiss you could feel him siphoning you, he deepened the kiss and flicked his arm out, shutting the door. You broke away from the kiss and placed your forehead on his and whispered out, “I want you, Kai. Only you, be my boyfriend?”

“I thought you’d never ask."

1052

surveys by lets-make-surveys

1 - Who was the last person to knock on your door? Were they there to see you? Nina usually knocks briefly in the evening to let me know it’s time for dinner. Other than my ex in the past, I don’t let anyone stay in my room for long. Knocking and peeking into my room is enough.

2 - Have you left the house yet today? If not, do you have plans to leave the house later on? No, as it’s only 10 in the morning and I don’t really have a reason to be out somewhere this early. I might go out to buy presents for more relatives, but that’s only if I feel productive enough today. We’ll see.

3 - What’s your favourite brand of chocolate? What type of chocolate bar from that brand is your favourite? The older I get the more I feel like gagging from the idea of chocolate bars lol; they’re all just so sweet. These days my top three would be Hershey’s cookies and cream bar, Whittaker’s chocolate peanut butter bar, and Twix bars. I also love Reese’s, but they aren’t bars.

4 - Have you ever met someone in person who you first met on the internet? Do you have plans to do that anytime soon? Yes, I’ve done this before and I’ve recounted the stories on here multiple times. As for the second question, yeah I technically do? I’ve only met my workmates online so far, so I’m constantly looking forward to the opportunity to finally meet them all in real life.

5 - What was the last thing you used a blender for? I’ve never used a blender. We don’t even own a blender.

6 - Have you ever got into an argument with a stranger on social media? Do you remember what it was about? Yeah, but I don’t even remember what it was about anymore...I do know it was this year, and the person deleted the comment that I replied to not long after.

7 - When was the last time you cracked your joints? Is that something you do often? Now that you reminded me, I just did. I do it at least once a day, whenever my fingers start to feel tight and tense.

8 - What time is it right now? If you weren’t doing a survey, what else would you be doing right now? It is 1:52 PM. I’d be heading to the mall to buy more presents, but I don’t feel like getting out of bed yet. I’d also do embroidery, but my online orders are taking a while to arrive :( My online shopping app says I'll be getting them by Jan 3rd, but the shipping tracker says it’s already being shipped from China to here so I’m looking forward to receiving it this week. I hope that’s the case; otherwise it’ll miss the point of being my hobby this Christmas break.

9 - If you had ten minutes to run around an empty supermarket and fill your trolley for free, what’s the first aisle you’d go for? The fancy meat/fish section. Then I’d go to the condiments/spice section, then frozen food, then chips.

10 - Aside from Tumblr, what websites do you visit the most and why? YouTube, because I find videos a soothing distraction; Twitter to keep me updated on local and international news; Reddit for quirky posts; and Wikipedia so I can continue learning trivia I’ll never have to use but want to gain anyway.

11 - Has COVID had any impact on your Christmas plans this year? What’s going to change or be different to normal? My dad is home for Christmas this year, which is one silver lining from Covid. But my relatives living abroad who usually fly back to the Philippines for the holidays obviously won’t be able to this year, so we’re not gonna have a packed family reunion like we normally do. Everything else is the same, but I think the biggest thing about this whole thing is that I can barely feel Christmas coming this year. I think it’s going to feel like such a plain Friday this week; and that makes me a little sad.

12 - What’s your favourite flavour of cake? Are you any good at making that kind of cake? My favorite flavor is chocolate, but my favorite kind of cake (which I enjoy a lot more than general chocolate cake) is cheesecake. I cannot make either, nor can I bake at all.

13 - Do you prefer sweet or sour candy? Sweet. I hate any sour foods with a passion lol especially sour candy; it is my absolute least favorite taste. I don’t find anything enjoyable or fulfilling about it.

14 - What colour is your favourite fruit? Is this a fruit you eat often? Already made my feelings for fruit clear on this blog, haha.

15 - Is your favourite restaurant an independent place or a chain? What is it that you love about it so much? It’s a chain, like most popular restaurants here. Independent places are a little hard to come by, to be honest. They make the best katsu I’ve ever had; and I also like that despite being a chain restaurant, the ambience is still quite sophisticated and date-friendly so I always feel like I’m treating myself whenever I eat there.

16 - Are you genuinely a fan of Starbucks or do you think it’s all hype? I personally enjoy everything about Starbucks. I like their coffees, their Frappes, the ambience in their coffee shops, their playlists, and their line-up of mugs and tumblers. I’ve always felt right at home in their shops and out of all the cafés I’ve been to, it’s always their baristas that have been the nicest.

17 - Do you own a Christmas jumper? What design/pattern does it have on it? No, I don’t.

18 - What’s your favourite fit/style of jeans? I was obsessed with mom jeans throughout 2020.

19 - What was the last non-essential item you spent money on? Overpriced coffee and a sandwich.

20 - Are you currently under any COVID-related restrictions where you live? Are people generally following the rules? Public places are super strict with requiring everyone to wear a face shield and face mask; before entering any establishment, people’s temperatures are taken and everyone’s also required to take a contact tracing form. Anyone under the age of 21 still isn’t allowed to go out for the most part, though I think there are some exceptions now because I see kids younger than me already going on out-of-town trips again. Some places that are big on tourism like Sagada, Batanes, and Baguio are still closed off from the public; those that have since reopened, like Boracay, follow strict protocol and everyone going there is required to undergo a swab test. Everyday Filipinos follow the rules; it’s the politicians and police force who don’t, which feels disgusting to say.

21 - What did you last leave the room you’re in to do? A package arrived for me so I had to pay for it. It was the phone case I ordered for my cousin.

22 - Have you ever read any self-help books? Did you find them useful? No. I don’t really believe in that genre, so I never felt pulled to buy a book.

23 - What’s your favourite programme on the Food Network (if you watch it)? If you don’t get that channel, what’s your favourite food/cookery show in general? All things Gordon Ramsay, man. MasterChef, Hell’s Kitchen, and Kitchen Nightmares are all *chef’s kiss* The Great British Bake Off is also great and something I like watching when I want to wind down :)

24 - Do you still watch cartoons? From time to time.

25 - Who do you know with the most number of siblings? Would you ever want to live in a huge family? My grandpa was one of nine siblings, if I’m not mistaken. I’m not sure if I know a bigger set than that. Unless my family was filthy rich, I would not want to have such a big immediate family.

26 - Are you a fan of garlic bread? Sure. I tend to ask for others’ too, heh.

27 - Do you own any personalised clothing? What’s the reason for getting it? No, not a fan. Two years ago we had a huge family reunion on my dad’s side and we had to wear these cheesy shirts that said “[Last Name] Reunion” with some cheesy motto at the bottom. My parents hated it, which made me feel better about my own feelings about the shirt lol.

28 - Is anyone else in the same room as you right now? What is that person up to? No, it’s just me here.

29 - What colours are you wearing right now? Does your wardrobe contain a lot of those colours? White, maroon, and scarlet. I have a lot of white and maroon; not so much of scarlet as I find the color too bold.

30 - Do you like adding condiments to your food? If so, what are some of your favourites? Yes. My food always needs to have soup, condiments, or sauces; otherwise I tend to feel the dish is too dry. I like mayonnaise, banana ketchup, hot sauce, and lechon sauce.

--

1 - What have you been up to so far today? Is that a typical thing for you to do on this particular day of the week? I’ve taken a couple of surveys and started binge-watching segments of my newest Korean reality show discovery, 2 Days 1 Night. The breakout actor from Start-Up and the newest love of my life HAHAHA is a cast member on the current season of 2D1N so I’ve been all over the show today. It’s hilarious; I can hardly believe I’m only discovering the show this late.

2 - Did you get a decent night’s sleep last night? How many hour’s sleep do you consider a decent amount? It was around five hours, which isn’t a lot to me. I usually sleep 7-9 hours these days, but I might wreck my body clock during the holiday break because I want to keep being awake and do the things I haven’t been able to do because of work.

3 - What is one silly thing that really gets on your nerves? Seeing pickles in a burger.

4 - Who was the last person you saw who wasn’t family? What did you guys end up doing together? The friendly Starbucks barista from yesterday; her name was Princess. We didn’t do anything lol, she just took my order and was super friendly about it, and she also gave me the Starbucks planner that I chose to redeem.

5 - Do you prefer hot or cold drinks overall? Cold. I avoid hot drinks now haha. Ever since I had that incident with the takoyaki, I’ve been too scared to let any hot food or drink touch my mouth.

6 - Do you own a decent set of waterproofs? If so, what do you use them for the most? If not, do you think that would be something you’d find useful? I don’t know what this is referring to, and I’m too lazy to Google right now. I’ve only ever known this word as an adjective, whoops.

7 - Do you have any plans for the rest of the day? Take more surveys, and maybe have another cup of coffee. I’ll also have to get started on a daily report I submit for work every weekday morning so that my load will be lighter tomorrow. Our office is technically on shutdown until January 4th, but some clients require a daily report every day and I’ll have to shoulder that with another co-associate. It sucks, but at least it’s the only thing I’ll have to do for the next two weeks.

8 - How often do you get your hair cut? When hairdressers were closed due to COVID, did you try cutting it yourself at home? I only go to the salon once a year, and I already did it this 2020 when I chopped off my hair and got bangs. Yeah, whenever my bangs start to get too long I either ask my mom to trim them or I do so myself.

9 - What did you wear the last time you left the house? Is that different to what you’re wearing at the moment? I walked Cooper half an hour ago and I just stayed in the same clothes I’ve been in all day, which was a tank top underneath an oversized hoodie and a pair of shorts.

10 - Would you rather have a relaxing beach holiday or a more active holiday in the mountains? The beach would be perfect right now, but I think my answer changes every time this is asked and I’m pretty sure I picked mountains the last time HAHAHA. I just realized being in the mountains would give me the same cooped-up feeling I’ve been having from staying at home for such a long time, and it might not be the best and healthiest trip for me...the beach definitely sounds more freeing and therapeutic.

11 - Do you know how to tie a tie? Nah, never learned. I’ve never been good at tying anything up, period.

12 - How old were you when you first had a sleepover at someone’s house? Did you miss home? I was 15 or 16; I’m not entirely sure anymore. Not at all, I was so excited to have been allowed to go to my first sleepover.

13 - How often do you spend time with your extended family? Under normal circumstances, we’d visit my grandma and cousins on my mom’s side once every few months or so. It was pretty regular since they’re just a stone’s throw away. But obviously we’ve since had to drastically cut our get-togethers back, and I’ve only seen them around three times since the beginning of the year. My dad’s family lives pretty far south, so I only get to see them once or twice a year even in pre-Covid days; not much of a difference there.

14 - When you get up in the morning, do you have a set routine? No. I just wake up feeling dread and have no choice but to wait for the weight in my chest to subside.

15 - Do you remember the last time you cried? Were they sad or happy tears? Yesterday in my car, in the mall parking lot. Sad tears.

16 - What do you have planned once you finish this survey? Look for another one. I misseddddd taking surveys and I plan on taking a crap ton of them this Christmas break. I may also be called for dinner, so there’s that.

17 - What was the last thing you cooked? Did you cook from scratch or just heat something up? I dunno if it counts as cooking, but I just made the DIY ramen kit that I received as a Christmas gift from the branch I was originally an intern at. Everything was already prepared in the kit and all I needed to do was boil water for the noodles and prepare the broth. Turned out surprisingly good.

18 - Are you a fan of hot chocolate? Do you like it plain or do you prefer to add things like whipped cream or marshmallows? I love hot chocolate and will order it sometimes, but given my aforementioned fear of hot beverages I always wait for it to considerably cool down hahaha. I like my hot chocolate plain.

19 - What caused your last injury? Cooper’s nails.

20 - How many tattoos and piercings do you have? Do any of them have an interesting story behind them? Just a piercing on each of my earlobes. No interesting stories...yet.

21 - What kind of flowers do you like the best? When was the last time someone bought those for you? I like peonies, though I’m not sure if my ex ever gave me a bouquet that included those.

22 - What’s the smallest thing you’ve ended a relationship over? I’ve only been with one person and I dated her twice, but I was never the one who ended the relationship either time so can’t really answer this.

23 - Would you rather order a starter (appetiser) or a dessert? Or would you be able to manage a full three courses? Three-course meal, pls. I’ve only experienced it once, when my parents treated me to dinner during my cruise gift for my 18th birthday; it was great and every dish was made amazingly well.

24 - How do you get most of your news, if you pay attention to it at all? I catch the evening news every weeknight because we keep the telvision turned on during dinner. I also get to read articles on social media.

25 - Have you or a member of your family been diagnosed with COVID yet? None that I know of, thankfully. It’s always been someone that a relative knows, but so far none of us have gotten it.

26 - Are you a vegetarian? If so, what persuaded you to stop eating meat? If not, is it something you’d ever consider? No. I have been considering it for years, but I truthfully don’t know if I could give up meat.

27 - Do you prefer rice or pasta? Rice.

28 - Is anything you’re wearing a gift? Who bought it for you? No.

29 - What’s the dominant colour in the room you’re in at the moment? I guess white, since my walls are white and that’s the first thing you see when entering my room.

30 - Did you do laundry yet today? If not, do you need to do any before you go to bed? Not my chore to do, but it was already done a few days ago.

All hail the new queen... - 18 (Hades Original Story)

You fought your way through the maze of the underworld to make a deal with the King…intrigued the lonely king listens…

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six Part Seven  Part Eight  Part Nine  Part Ten Part Eleven  Part TwelvePart Thirteen  Part Fourteen  Part Fifteen  Part Sixteen  Part Seventeen

Hades walked briskly through the stacks and stacks of records of the Underworld library. Until he finally found his brother standing there, lantern floating above him as he pulled another dusty scroll out of its place holder, “Whatever this is…make it fast.”

Zeus looked at him blinking several times, “What is so important that you can’t indulge me?”

Hades rolled his eyes before they landed in his brother’s face again. He raised a hand pointing at Zeus, “You shaved.”

Zeus frowned looking back at the scroll, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Y/N was right, wasn’t she? Hera didn’t actually like it.” Hades smirked a little watch his brother scowl more. Hades chuckled before crossing his arms, “What are we doing here, Zeus?”

Zeus put the scroll back, “I’m looking for a blessing record.”

“A blessing record?” Hades straightened up finding his brother to be here for a serious reason, “From who?”

“Hecate.” Zeus chuckled when Hades got an even more confused look, “I know, she’s not really a blessing type of person, but that’s what my source told me.”

“Source? Did you ever think to ask Hecate?” Hades reached up grabbing the lantern and began walking away leaving Zeus to catch up.

“I did, and she said she didn’t remember.” Zeus told him finally getting in stride with him, “In fact she said she did some strange things back in the day and things are a little fuzzy. They started to clear up when she came to visit Percy in the Underworld and then when you asked her to stay on to help here and there…that’s when things become clearer.”

“Well, any blessing will be recorded under whatever god or goddess granted it.” Hades led him over to Hecate’s section, “You know Hecate sorted this library out for me, I’m not sure if you’re going to find anything. What’s this about?”

Zeus began running his hands over the documents looking at the descriptions and titles, “I don’t know, I just have a feeling. It’s time for me to be king again and take an interest.”

Hades watched his brother taking in a deep breath as he looked at his watch. You would understand…he knew you would, you always did, “Zeus, if there’s something you need to talk about…”

His brother looked at him seriously for a moment before he broke out into a smile, “I’m sure it’s nothing, and besides you are dressed in a very nice suit. What’s the occasion?”

Hades didn’t freeze much around Zeus anymore, but he wasn’t sure if he wanted the whole of Olympus to know about his progression in relationship with you. Not that much happened after your cousin’s party. The whole way home he’d ran through different scenarios.

Several that might even make his dear younger brother blush…

Hades glanced over to you as he drove into the driveway. You had become very silent on the ride home and it worried him. Things had moved so quickly in a manner of an hour, he hoped you didn’t regret it.

He parked, turned off the engine and looked at you, “Y/N…I…if I’ve put you in a position…”

“Hades,” You interrupted him with a touch on the arm and a smile, “I wouldn’t have done anything if I hadn’t wanted it.”

He felt a knot in his throat as he gently took your hand kissing your fingers, “Good…”

You smiled at him taking your hand back as you reached for the door. He could see that you were sincere with your answer but there was something in your eyes that clouded this happy moment.

He got out quickly coming around helping you out of the car taking your hands in his, “Y/N, is something wrong?”

You swallowed looking away, “I’m not very good at hiding things from you…I never have been.”

“What is it?” Concerned crushed any heat from his mind as his role as a protector overtook him.

“…I think there might be something wrong with my dad…I don’t know I just got this feeling as we left.” You finally looked him in the eyes, “I know he wouldn’t say anything…and I know mom she would be telling everyone…”

He nodded listening for a moment, “…I could look…if it’s what you want, but Y/N…knowing when someone goes…it often doesn’t work out the way the person intended.”

You hung your head nodding a little, “I know…it’s just…”

Already he could see your emotions becoming wild and out of your control. He stepped forward pulling you to himself hoping to shield you from it all, “I promise if I find out anything, I’ll let you know, but…you have to promise to ask him yourself.”

You promised quickly wrapping your arms around him. The rest of the night was quiet. What he had expected to be passionate and awake, ended up being reserved perfection. Reading by the fire while you studied, until you could do no more falling asleep against his shoulder.

The side of his mouth twitched as he looked at his brother, “It’s just a suit…”

“Oh don’t think I didn’t notice those electrified eyes of yours just because it’s dim lit and I’m on a mission.” Zeus’ eyes narrowed on him, “Hades…”

“Fine…I’m taking Y/N out for dinner.” He shut his eyes preparing for the onslaught that would be coming his way.

“Well it’s about time! When this all happen? Unless…is this when it’s happening?” Zeus slapped his brother’s back raising his eyebrows.

“If you are referring to us become a more unified couple instead of roommates?” Hades internally groaned at the satisfied grin on Zeus’ face, “A couple weeks ago…”

“How? I must know!” Zeus smiled at him brightly, “Was it her? Was it you? Who made this sudden move for the better?”

Hades felt his cheeks burn, “I’m not talking to you about this.”

“It was both of you! It’s kismet!” He threw up his arms.

“That’s not ours brother, shame on you.” Hades shook his head, “Especially down here…”

“The Fates can go suck it…kismet is much more poetic.” Zeus smirked at him, “But seriously, I am happy for you.”

Hades looked at him for a moment before he smiled, “Thank you, if you need anything…”

“I will not dare disturb you tonight.” Zeus waved his hands shooing him away as he walked back down the stack, “I will manage and make sure that I am out on time, I promise. You’ll not have any trouble from me, so don’t worry.”

“Zeus…” Hades watched him stop looking back at him, “You look good.”

“I do, don’t I?” Zeus winked at him before he turned away, “Tell Y/N hello for me, oh! And I’d still like to see that book if we can arrange it?”

Hades waved his hand to him as he exited the library into the foyer of the house. Cerberus ran up to him tongue hanging out happily.

Hades smiled scratching behind his ears, “What are you so happy about?”

“I just had a long tug of war session with him.” Hades looked up seeing you in sundress with a shrug. His mouth dropped open slightly as you smiled at him, “I hope this is ‘dolled up’ enough?”

He chuckled at the reference to the text he sent you earlier in the week requesting you get dolled up for their date this evening, “Quite. Does the request date me?”

“No.” You stepped up to him eyes twinkling, “It’s sweet.”

“Glad to know.” He offered his arm to you, “Ready?”

“Very. Everything okay with Zeus?” You looped your arm with his.

“Yes. He’s just investigating something.” He smirked a little as he lowered his voice, “He shaved by the way.”

Your laughter brought him joy, “But I doubt he’ll admit that I was right.”

“Never.” He opened the door leading you outside to the car, “He also mentioned a book he needed to barrow from you?”

“Oh, that’s right.” You closed your eyes nodding, “I was talking to him about the book I used to get to the Underworld. I could go get it now…”

“No…we can arrange something when we get back. Zeus has taken up enough of our time tonight.” He opened the car door for you.

“You sure?” You stopped in front of him smiling sweetly.

“Very sure, he’s waited this long, he can wait another day.” He could see that you were not entirely sold on this, “Fine…I’ll have…uh…”

He snapped his fingers trying to remember the shades names as you watched him, “…Lil..”

“Lilly, yes…I remember. I’ll have Lilly find it and deliver it?” Ever since you’d arrived the shades had begun to change. They remembered who they were in a sense and you’d been requesting them by name. A few even moved on. He still struggled with the idea of addressing them differently from what he’d been doing since…oh you know…ever, “Acceptable?”

“Yes, it’s on my desk.” You leaned up kissing his cheek.

He grinned as you stepped into the car before he shut the door. He stepped around the other side shutting his eyes reaching out to Lilly giving her the instruction. She acknowledged as he sat down starting the car looking to you, “Done.”

“One day you will have to teach me all of your secrets of communication, so I no longer have to get out bed and still participate in class.” You smirked at him, “So, where are we going?”

“A place with food.” He reached over taking your hand as you gave him an unsatisfied look, “It’s an old curry joint on the ocean. I normally order out, but recent company has prompted me visit and sit down.”

“Aww, I’m getting you out of the house.” You squeezed his hand, “So you like Indian food?”

“I do.” He glanced at you slightly worried, “Do you not?”

“I can’t say I’ve had much of it. What is it you like?” You seemed to watch him intently as he answered.

“Uh…well not much grows in the Underworld.” He spoke softly, “It was the colors of the spices that drew me first. Then when you try everything…the taste…”

“It’s hot right?” You made a worried face.

“It can be, but it’s more flavorful.” He saw your face and smiled, “It’s about how you cook it…I know the chef, I’ll make sure he’s gentle with you.”

“Good…I wouldn’t want anything to prevent what happens after dinner.” You looked away smirking when his head turned to you, but he caught your reflection in the window.

Hades sometimes felt he was in over his head with you. Your world was fast and new. His was old and slow. You lived in the now, while he lived for the future. You were a mortal…he was immortal.

Yet, every time he looked at you there was this spark. Something began to burn inside of him that he couldn’t explain. It was in everything you did; it gave him a rush that he’d never felt before.

“How is it?” He smiled watching your eyes begin to twinkle from the first bite you took.

“It’s…” You put your hand to your mouth as you continued to chew, “oh my gosh…it’s like heaven.”

He chuckled as he filled the water glasses again, “Good, I’m glad you like it.”

“I can’t believe this place is in town, I’ve driven past here so many times.” You spoke with exuberance, “How did you find it?”

“I…walk Cerberus…occasionally…Sometimes I need some fresh air,” He told you awkwardly, “and about 25 years ago I happened by here. It was just opening.”

You laughed a little, “I forget who you are sometimes until you say something like. What do you tell the owner? That you’re, your own son?”

“Yes…I used a glamor last time…changed my nose a bit.” He chuckled as your eyes widened, “What?”

“So…you choose how you appear to someone?” You reached for your glass letting the question rest between you both.

“If you’re worried that I’m not who I seem to be…don’t…I didn’t have a chance to change what I looked like when you came. You took me by surprise.” He liked the way your eyes lit up behind your cup when you heard the admission, “God…you do things to me…”

“Excuse me?” You blinked several times confused, “What does that mean?”

“You do things to me. The way your eyes light up when you talk to me. The way your smile makes me want to draw you near.” His smile only grew as you blushed, “You bring light into my very dark world and bring warmth where it’s been so cold.”

“You don’t mix words do you, Hades…” You licked your lips staring at him.

“I try not to. I find being direct gets you want you want.” He leaned forward putting his hand over yours, “Though if you prefer something more flowery and poetic…”

He watched your face get a strange look as you stared off behind him, “Hades…isn’t that…”

He looked back toward the bar were several gentlemen were at all dressed in business suits, but there was one man dressed to the nines with thick rimmed glasses. His dark complexion practically reflected the blue light from the overhanging lights. Or was it simply his god like charm feeding everyone around him.

Technology…

His eyes met Hades’ and nothing prepared him for the look of concern that fell on the young gods face. Hades turned back to look at you seeing worry. He smiled squeezing your hand, “Whatever happens in the next few moments, know that you are safe.”

You nodded slowly before looking up to the approaching Gy. Hades looked up to him waiting for what was about to happen, “Hades…Y/N, enjoying your meal?”

Hades nodded slowly, “Yes, things are always good here. Looks like you have business?”

“Yes…some developers.” Gy looked back over to the group of men who barely seemed to miss him, “Ground breaking work on a new OS. It’s going to be revolutionary, especially for the medical field. You might have heard of it Y/N, Metis.”

Hades watch your eyes get wide, “I…I have. It’s the new system to basically give faster imaging for x-rays, CAT scans, MRIs…everything. It’s going to be a fluid system, results will be something almost from a sci-fi novel, almost instantaneous…”

“Fluid…like water to an ocean…it’s why they thought it fitting to name after an Oceanid.” Gy smiled at you, “I happy to hear the hype is working, should get them the funding they need to accomplish their goals.”

“Good, sounds like your priorities are in order.” Hades gained Gy’s attention, “You should tell your friend to follow suit.”

Gy’s smile fell quickly, “That’s actually why I came over. Hades, have you heard of the Prophecy of the Rise?”

Hades shifted uneasily, “It’s a fable…something the Fates fabricated to keep young gods inline from going too far.”

“The doors will open; the brother shall mark a strengthening of bonds by the spilling of mortal blood. It shall be then, the exiled one shall awaken from his cage causing an age of pain and the dawn of evil, and a rise of a new god by greater sacrifice.” Gy told you both frowning, “Meedia, she believes in this prophecy. She has devoted her spare time to it, and she tried to drag me along.”

“I thought you two were tight?” Hades looked over to you when you spoke seeing a look of confusion and worry.

Gy sighed a little, “Often times we have to work together…she’s had an outlet since town criers were a thing, but she really took off when I came to be. You could say a light bulb went off…radios, telegraphs…we work in tandem, but not always in sync. Right now, her goals lay far, far away from mine and I want no part in her misguided attempts to power.”

“What would Media get out of this, if the prophecy were true?” Hades stared up at Gy.

“She believes the awakening of whoever this exiled one is will grant her a great favor. Give her more dominance of the realm of gods.” Gy looked away from him, “Look, I don’t want to be involved in this, but I know she is a devious bitch. Watch yourself Hades.”

Hades followed him with his eyes as he left the restaurant. His mind far away reading the lines of the prophecy over and over until an echo in the void slowly drew him back, “…ade…Ha…s…Hades.”

His eyes snapped to you, “I’m sorry…I was…”

“Worried.” You frowned looking at him, “We can go home if…”

“No.” He smiled shaking his head, “No, it’s nothing to worry about. Just a silly string of words to frighten everyone.”

“Are you sure?” You asked when he took your hand in his again.

“Yes.” He closed his eyes bringing your hand up to his lips kissing your fingers. “I love you for caring so much.”

He looked back to your face seeing it flushed a deep red. It took him a second to realize why. As he began to babble about how of course he meant ‘I love you’ as a form of endearment to your character, that in no means did he expect anything as strong in return at this time, you leaned over the table and kissed him.

You pulled away biting your lips together staring into his eyes as he tried cleared his throat. Finally you smiled, “Hi…”

“Hello…” His voice held a slight husk before he swallowed feeling everything from the moments before slip away. He found such a calm feeling when he looked into your eyes. It was enough to make him feel confident to move on with the evening, “We should go…”

Zeus flipped through the pages of the old book astounded that Hecate could be so careless to leave it in mortal hands. Yet he looked through the family’s history and they very rarely used it. They sought out Demeter once when crops were bad and then once with Athena when they needed protection.

Hera walked over to him, “Dear what are you looking at?”

“Did you know Hecate gifted the way of doors to a family of mortals?” Zeus held the book out to his wife watching her take it, “And that family is Y/N’s?”

“What?” Hera looked at him shocked, “How did you find that out?”

He held up the blessing record before setting it down standing up, “Hera, I fear somethings coming…and that girl is in the center of it and Hades is going to be wrap up as well.”

“Zeus…” She stepped up to him seeing the worry on his face, “You’re scaring me.”

He looked into her eyes forcing a smile, “Don’t be, I’ll figure it out. I always do.”

Que piensa; What do you think?

The diner was just another hole-in-the-wall built in to the Tower District.  One young and very beautiful woman was the only one on shift tonight even though there were seven people at the bar, and nearly all the booths were full.  He felt disgusted with the fact that she should have to put up with this as he snapped his finger in the air for service.  He hoped she hadn't actually seen him do it, but she was there right away with a fresh face.  

“Are you survivin' the night?” he asked.  “This place is packed!”  

 “Well, I like to think that I'll never get jaded, but I do get a little from a friend.”  She places her left pointer curled against the right side of her nose.  The thumb presses against her cheekbone and outward, opening her nasal passages and she sniffs cleanly in.  “It ain't so bad, just gotta keep on keepin' on ya know?  More coffee?”

“Thanks...” he squints at her chest, taking time to look without seeming pervert-y.  “Delia?  Delaila?  Diladid?  No wait...”  She chuckles.  He tilts his head to the side like a bird getting another vantage point for its food.  You know how they do.

“Cute...” she wants to roll her eyes, but she does so rapidly enough that no one notices.  Hard to fake sarcasm on the go.

“You know I can never tell when someone in the,” he air-quotes “service industry is having a good time with me, or just after tips.”  Gretchen sinks lower in to the booth reading Nietzsche.  It almost pissed him off the type of stuff she was reading these days, like she would start dressing in all black any minute now.        

“Ah, gotcha” double-tapping a click to his teeth like a check mark.  She worked hard even though she had substantive support.  He hated waiting on people; she must put up with a lot.  Jesus, He knew the owner too, and he was a dick.  Literally... his name was Richard.  

“So, you good then?”  she sniffs.  He can still see a little bit of white Halloween in the crevice between her thumb and forefinger.  He was always observant regarding psychoactives.  Why?  It was like something like that always finding him and staring straight in to his eyes.  Staring him down almost

“Um, naw, we're ok.  You doin' ok honey?”  She took off quickly emptying the coffee pot in to three different cups.  

“Miss, I had decaf” one of the patrons at a booth said.

“Then just drink a little bit Henry,” she retorted.  “Besides, I've always given you regular... you tip better when I sneak ya some.”  Henry shrugged his shoulders.  

“Don't address women, like that, or anyone for that matter.  It can be perceived as demeaning Dad.”

“Well, shit, maybe you should start calling me Mr. Dad?”  He was slightly embarrassed at the remark, but maybe she was right.  The times were changing and change made him very uncomfortable.  He thinks about all the changes in his life that he fought tooth and nail against and how they bit him in the ass.  The change happened and he didn't like the fight.  Ugh, he thought.  He missed not caring.  He missed the booze.  He missed the fun times he thought he had.  

“Are you familiar with honorifics Pop?” she asked snootily, knowing he had no idea.

“What do you think daughter?” curling roughly the way he called her to show he was a little pissed off at the educational lecture he was about to endure.  

“In Japanese culture, politeness is key.  After the feudal era, the status of people was highly important to contrast the lack of order during war.”  Stephen rolled his eyes.  Pissing him off gave her fuel for some reason; medieval fuel for a modern era.  She would 'sophen' him up a bit to get him pissed off enough to go to work today... this time.  

“So, honorifics are expressions of respect and endearment like the nature of a relationship when people talk with each other.  Like, if I was a student and you were my teacher, I would refer to you as senpai.  You would call mom, mama-chan.  I would call someone in a grade below me kohai.  You would refer to everyone around you as bozu cuz you hate everyone.”  She enjoyed teaching her father random stuff at random times.  He couldn't take it otherwise.  Knowledge had to be peppered on to him as if from the mill.  She couldn't tell him this or else he would figure it out and be shut out permanently; or at least until he forgot.  

“This is too much shit honey... fuck... shit... goddamnit...” he smacks the table hard, rattling the dishes.  You hear the spoon next to his daughter's cup of coffee.  She drinks it black referring to it as Mississippi Mud.  Mmm, smacking her lips every time she takes her first sip.  She falls in to her seat.  'that ain't right he says to himself.'  

“I am only saying that this is another way to think.  And it's nice, right?”

“Yes.  Yes it is Gretch.  But that kind of stuff would never fly here.  Everyone is just sitting in their own shit, thinking their better than everyone else, waiting for the right time to strike when the iron's hot and the people, ripe for the picking.  Let's talk about something else.  What'd you do in school today?”

“They had us take apart owl pellets.”

“What the hell are those?”

“Ok, you know, owls catch mice and eat 'em and stuff?  It's not like they have a knife and fork with their bib tucked in when they go to town,” she eyes how ridiculous her father looks with his done in.  It would be nice if the whole Beethoven look was still the style, but it's not.  “Well, they regurgitate whatever is left over from the carcass.  Owls eat the rodent.  Then, after their body sucks all the meat and nutrients out of it,” she imitates vomiting “Ughaah ughaah!”

“Oh, that's cool!  Not!  Haha,” he laughs at himself tritely.  “What the hell's the point?  I feel like they are wasting their time with this kinda shit.  My taxes pay for someone to go out, catch fucking shit-ton of owls, and go through their shit?!?”  

“Our tax dollars daddy.” responding slowly to make sure he doesn't feel so alone.  “And besides, that's not how it works.”

“Whatever,” he looks away and throws his arm in the air.  

“Alright what else?” he regretfully asks, but these are his fatherly duties, to know what's going on in the life of his offspring, especially at such an early age.  It's only our current cultural climate of capitalist consumerism that has begun to lay the tile of family disruption.  

“Well in health class after seeing all of those fucking STD's!  I find that sex can be summed up into this: 'a stinky yellow discharge.' And that's on both sides!” she doesn't care what she said.

“I told you to stop swearin' like that Gretch.”

“I like to think that I have a spice rack that sits on my tongue.  You haven't taken me Costco for a while.  And I'm all out of “like, really? damn and cun---”

“Stop right there young lady!  Goddamnit!  Sometimes I wish your mother was here to teach you how to speak proper.  But then I remember how big a' cunt she is.” looking off in the distance he moves his eyes towards her to make sure she knows he's fucking with her.

“How else am I supposed to put some flavor on what I say?” snickering.  

“You're smart, I know you'll think of something.”  He sighs with his forearms propping up his entire upper-torso.  He feels the weight of being a father in his brain.  It's emotionally exhausting.  What were the payouts?  What was the reason he had a kid in the first place?  Oh yeah.  

Such weird juxtaposition.  The dissociation of church and state.  The association between church and state.  Dangle the lusty lace in our faces while those we were supposed to love tell us what we think is wrong.  Just gotta explore.  Just gotta find out... find out... find out... for yourself.  

“You need any money for school tomorrow before I forget?” Stephen asks her squarely, and then immediately nonchalantly.  Gretchen looks around, slightly unsure, slightly disgusted, but she says something anyway.  

“I don’t know.  Look at everyone.”  Stephen looks around.  “What, you don’t see it?”

“See fuckin’ what?” he tries to take out the meat of the fuck as he speaks.  

“Look at how sad they all are.  We all come here to get something.  To get something we have to give something.  We feel bad that we have to have this exchange; always feeling that we’re being cheated, scammed, or not getting our money’s worth.  This has given life to this negative connotation with even receiving something for free, like ‘What do you want?’”

“This is the way the world works Gretch.  Scratch my back, I scratch yours.  Quid pro quo.  Nothing is free, except freedom.  They like to say it isn’t but that’s just one more piece of bait.  Tradition!!!”  he imitates Fiddler on the Roof.  

"I don’t want to accept it.  That cannot be the final say of how we turn out; hating the fact that we have to get together just to hate each other through barter.  And then!  And then we retreat back to whichever hole we found to hide from them,”  she is enamored with the anger and logical emotion she produced.

 “Look, I just don’t want people thinking I’m a deadbeat Dad.”  An obvious tweaker stumbles in like an electron firing in every direction.  The camera speeds up and slows down, like in Donnie Darko as the montage music plays.  The camera pans for the first time through Middlesex school depicting the main characters how the director wants you to see 'em.  His body parts flail while still seeming like he's about to fall over any second.  He walks toward the bathroom and stops dead.  He turns around looking at Stephen.  He collapses with his ass out and his elbows on their table, jumbling the words “How much?”

Stephen sticks his hand down his pocket, grabbing an ugly wad of cash and lots of change.  Gretchen grabs her backpack and stands on top of the trampoline-like pleathery booth.  She weighed practically nothing compared to the bounciness of the seat.  Stephen turns with the fist full of money and plows the presently degenerate right in the face as the cash flies everywhere.  The faces of the patrons all looked up at the scene, like a frozen applause.  Gretchen jumps in to the air towards her father as he's shaking his fist in painful disgust.  “Gretch!” he yells. “Fuck that hurt!”  He catches her and tucks her under his arm like a football; she and the backpack flailing beneath at the mercy of her father's panicked and happy gait.    

The camera pans upward: -25 to -32.5 degrees, quadrant IV of basic geometric circumstance...    Aside from the third dimension, vantage vector is at y=-1/3x +1, where the y axis presents the door, and the vantage point is just a few feet in front of and below Stephen and Gretchen; with Delia halfway out the glass door, waving the coffee pot in her outstretched and snowy appendage.  This is slow motion of course...

He says panting in run “I wish that pot pie place hadn't close hun.”

“I know Pop, we'll find another place soon.  I'll find somewhere we've never been before.  A unholy, holier hole in the wall, K?” her voice staccatos with every bounce, like when a baby is trying to make noises when you bounce it on your knee.  It sounds funny.  

“Fuck, that's the third place this week.”  

“I know Dad.”

You know I love you Gretch.  Everything ”

“I know Dad.”  They are both smiling while he sprints heavily away with his most prized possessions.

Appmon quick FINAL thoughts

Wow! What a 7 months that was...I know I could have finished this series waayy sooner (especially if my blog wouldn’t have taken a break in July-August), but I had a life and future to worry about outside this tumblr bubble and in the end I’m glad I was able to find time to watch this series whenever I wanted to relax. Overall I really thought Appmon was good! I never really found a problem wit the episode pacing for important plot points, and I didn’t really find the beginning to be that boring really. At least it was better than Xros Wars’s first arc in my opinion. I can understand why maybe some people didn’t get into this because of maybe the humor it presented, or how much “filler” plot it had in certain episodes. I didn’t really see any episode to be filler (well maybe except the clip show in episode 26) because each episode at least addressed the main plot and how they could get one step closer to Leviathan. The series definitely wasn’t perfect, and I wished they would have used more of Appmon they gained throughout the series. At least with Xros Wars, you saw multiple appearances from many of Taiki’s Digimon that he had in his Xros Loader. At the same time, it really took me a while to understand how evolution worked and why the super grade needed to have a link most of the time. I just went with the flow and enjoyed what was shown to me on the screen lol.

I also have a few picky questions that really isn’t that significant but left me wondering...was Dantemon ever freed from being stone? Poor fella. Did L-Corp really just dissolve like that? No repercussions from its employees like Yuujin’s “mom”. And speaking of Yuujin...was that final scene confirm him to be alive again? If so, then I don’t get it lol...but I think it seemed to be like a dream or a fantasy from Haru? And Knight Unryuji man...I was a bit disappointed they didn’t bring him back for the final arc besides that short cameo in the end. His character had so much potential from what I was saw in him

Anyway with my minor complaints being out of the way, I pretty much love everything what Appmon was about. The theme of artificial intelligence taking over our world is interesting itself, and by using modern smartphone applications to this story presents a good example of how we today really so much on our phone and the internet to do everyday tasks and even in relaxing outside school or work. Honestly you don’t even have to be a Digimon fan to get into this series, because Appmon can stand alone on its own for being that unique. Sure it has some Digimon references (like the buddy partnership), but if you compare this to previous installments from the franchise it really gives off a different vibe from the characters and humor alone. Any sci-fi enthusiast would love a concept like this, and could easily get into this series.

I pretty much loved everyone from the main cast! Unlike other Digimon series where it actually took me a while to get in to the characters, I was intrigued with each one from the start (excluding Yuujin since I thought he was a side character in the first half of the series). From Haru’s adorkableness to help others (probably the most kind-hearted goggle protag out there), Eri’s badassery with a spice of elderly respect, and Astra’s eccentric attitude filming himself doing funny things while trying to follow in his family’s footsteps. BUT REI OH MY GAWD, he’s probably my favorite character! Episode 42 has to be my favorite episode from the series hands down. From being this punk hacker kid that drinks jelly juice we get to see a caring brother who wants nothing but to be cook good food for him...that drinks jelly juice too lol. And of course the best character of them all in everyone’s book the NOOOOOOOOOOOO guy. Probably one of the funniest gags I’ve seen in a series in quite a while. Pokémon typically does this stuff, but I’m happy to see Toei trying to format that with this goofy character. Too bad we never knew his name :(

For the Appmon, everyone was great! At times I did find Dokamon a bit annoying, but in a funny way xD He always made me laugh trying to get Eri’s attention. Offmon has to be my hands down favorite...I mean who doesn’t like Offmon?! JUST LOOK AT IT :3 Too damn adorable for this show.

I also really do wanna try and play the 3DS game too...then I realized it was only realized in Japan and I would probably need a 3DS emulator to get like an English translation -_- Oh well...maybe one day. But by looking at the cover art from the game, all I recognize is Haru, Gatchmon, and Offmon and I’m like WHO ARE YOU ALL YOU PEOPLE???? Probably the game’s AU xD

Anyway I don’t want to ramble too much about this and make this post long as it already is, but man what series that was...a highlight of 2018 for sure! And even though I am done with this series, that doesn’t mean that I can’t bring it up on my blog from time to time 👀I CAN FINALLY REBLOG STUFF FROM THE TAG NOW YESSSS (and I already saw similar posts of mine that were already GIFed and I wasn’t aware of it lol...was expected). To my new followers that I gained from this series (or old ones that liked Appmon too), please feel free to ask me questions or send me messages if you’d like to chat about it since I won’t be talking about it that much anymore moving forward after today. I don’t want to mention names, but I’m sure some of you are aware of a certain user that isn’t too fond of Appmon based on the reblogs on some of my posts. To each their own opinions, but please if you want to be critical and do nothing but hate, bash, and pull up ignorant arguments, don’t even bother getting a serious conversation with me lol....just putting it out there :^) I don’t hate anyone here, but I will ignore the ignorance, and hey you should too!

I know that a few Digimon Elitists and certain other folks feel a bit indifferent with Appmon (and some just judging a book by its cover), but you shouldn’t let that get to what you enjoy! This same goes for the Pokémon fandom as well, so I know the feeling. I personally will be an ambassador for Appmon to help spread to others (especially Digimon fans who don’t even know of this yet) when I get the chance to talk about it. I think I’ll start with my friend from college who watched Adventure to Frontier only...let’s see how he likes it xD

Again, I want to thank the Appmon fandom for all their kind words especially to @latiwings who always chats with me after each episode. It’s amazing how you can make friends by watching something! There are countless others too I want to mention, but it could be a long list lol...YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE <3 I am also grateful to have some of my posts being reblogged by @digi-egg who (if some of you didn’t know) is probably the biggest Digimon blog on the tumblr fandom. Basically the equivalent to @shelgon in the Pokémon tumblr side of things. Finally I want to thank Digimon Universe: Appli Monsters, for teaching me how to be a protagonist in my own life. I needed something like this because of the struggles I had to overcome this year. Haru and Gatchmon, thank you for my spiritual buddies! We all need a Yuujin in our lives.