Lilo my love,

I might have found a new drama for us to scream about 👀 and it’s a law drama. Vincenzo! Which you have probably heard of, but I finally started it. It’s silly, heartbreaking and the main lead gives both Doom and Ethereal Prince Lee Soohyuck energy. With a badass female lead!

xoxo your Doom

kie my darling, hello 😘😘 perfect timing as always because i have been looking for something to watch in between new eps of this new kdrama i started (which btw, i LOVE!! it’s called strong girl nam soon and it’s a spin off from strong girl bong soon (have you heard/watched it?))

i actually started watching the first ep of vincenzo a few months back but it didnt pull me in right away so i gave up 😭😭 but i fully trust your taste and judgment so i will give it another go!! and i do like song joongki (he was in arthdal chronicles, another show i love) and a badass female lead is always a huge selling point 😍 ok away i go! 💕

Last Call (It Couldn’t Wait Another Moment Outtake)

Pairing: Drake Walker x MC (Riley Liu)

Book: The Royal Romance (Canon Divergent from Book 2, Chapter 15)

Word Count: ~1300

Rating: PG-13 (language, sexual innuendo)

Summary: Too often customers mistake a waiter or bartender’s friendliness as something more than an attempt to earn a good tip. Drake’s observation of this behavior in action prompts a heartfelt discussion with Riley.

Author’s Note: This is an outtake from Chapter 6 of It Couldn’t Wait Another Moment, set a few days after Riley is hired at the bar, while Drake is still looking for work. It was a lot more lighthearted when it was a part of Chapter 6, but as I worked to clean it up, it kind of took on a life of its own.

This series diverges from TRR canon, where instead of waiting to discuss his relationship with Riley until their last night in NYC, leaving her a note while Liam is proposing to her, Drake tackles this topic as soon as possible after Tariq makes his statement and Riley’s name is cleared. To catch up on this series, you can find the chapters of the main storyline in my masterlist (link is located in my bio).

Drake took another sip of his whiskey as he scrolled through job postings on his phone. Nothing new, or at least nothing new where he met at least half of the qualifications. Sighing, he shoved his phone back into his pocket and downed the rest of the contents of his glass.

Glancing around the bar, he noticed that it had emptied out significantly in the past half hour. It was now after 2:00, and this was the type of bar where people tended to start their weekend revelry before moving onto louder clubs, not end their nights. It was now just Drake and a pair of men sitting about halfway down the bar. The two men appeared to be around Drake’s age, one with light hair, the other with dark. They were wearing nice suits, apparently businessmen blowing off steam after a weekend client dinner. Businessmen who were clearly into Riley, which was probably why they had stuck around so long.

Drake had suspected that they were interested in more than their scotches for a while. He wasn’t sure how to handle this. Obviously, he didn’t want to be that boyfriend, the one who acted like a jealous dick. And Riley clearly had to be friendly with them. They were paying customers. And honestly, they were flirting with her, but nothing wildly inappropriate or anything. If pressed, they would just say they were being friendly. Still, Drake was on edge. Yesterday evening had been so nice. For the last few hours before bar close, Riley had been able to park herself across the bar from him. They had chatted and joked, played some hands of poker, taste-tested different drink concoctions. The only other patrons had been five women who appeared to be in their mid-50s and every time they had needed Riley for another bottle of wine, they had apologized for interrupting her and her “cute boyfriend.” Tonight’s stragglers were not going to be so accommodating.

Drake tried to distract himself by pulling out his phone again, skimming through some news stories, but his eyes kept drifting to the left, watching the two men. His suspicions were confirmed when the darker haired man clutched Riley’s hand when she moved to pour them another round. How dare he touch her! Drake felt himself rising off his stool, ready to stalk over there and let them know just what he thought, but in a flash Riley was over by him, refilling his whiskey and mouthing, “I got this.”

So Drake sat back down, taking a few breaths to calm himself. Riley could handle herself. The last thing she needed was him barging over and causing a scene. So he sat there, waiting for it to be bar close so they could get out of there and away from these assholes. Riley, for her part returned to the other men. She stayed chatting and laughing with them as the minutes ticked down until last call. Eventually, he saw Riley print off two receipts which she handed to the men before taking a tray of dirty glasses into the back. The two men dropped their voices, quickly discussing something. Drake couldn’t pick up what they were saying, but he could guess that it was some disgusting attempt at dibs. His fears were confirmed when they abruptly stopped talking when Riley stepped out of the back, at which point the lighter-haired one asked her, “So, your place or mine?” while his friend shot him an annoyed look.

Drake rolled his eyes. The sooner they got out of here the better. But Riley seemed to have another plan.

“How about this - I’ll go home with whoever here has the best line.”

Drake grinned. This should be entertaining.

“Wait, seriously?” asked the lighter-haired one.

“Yup, let’s see what you got.”

“Alright, well I’ve got a tip for you: Come home with me; it’s the best choice you could make,” said the light-haired one with a wink.

Riley nodded, somehow maintaining her poker face as she turned to his friend, “Derrick, you’re up.”

“I don’t know, with all those drinks you gave me, it would just be the responsible thing to make sure I got home safe.”

Riley grabbed their checks, running their cards through the register, obviously messing with them just a bit more. As she brought their credit cards back to them, the one apparently named Derrick asked, “Alright, Riley - who’s it gonna be?”

“Wait, he didn’t get a shot yet,” said Riley, tilting her head towards Drake.

He quickly reeled in his grin as the two men turned to look at him. After draining his glass of whiskey, Drake pulled a twenty dollar bill out of his wallet. “This cover me?”

“Yeah. Sorry gentlemen, but he’s our winner tonight.”

“Seriously?” Both men stared at Drake, but it was Riley who answered.

“Yup. Get home safely!” her bright smile almost openly mocking the men. The light-haired man glared and opened his mouth as if to say something, but his friend kept looking at Drake. He must have seen something in Drake’s eyes, because he bid Riley goodnight and ushered his friend out the door.

“That was quite the bold play, Liu.” said Drake, as he and Riley walked towards the subway station, waving goodnight to the manager, Cam, who had been on that evening.

“They were arrogant pricks. Everyone knows you don’t hit on someone on the clock in a service industry. I thought this might teach them a lesson.”

“Something tells me that they didn’t walk away with your intended message.”

“Probably. Still, it was kind of fun. Are you telling me you didn’t enjoy it?”

Drake shook his head, but he couldn’t quite hide a grin. Of course, Riley noticed it right away.

“I knew you liked it!”

“Fine, it was amusing as hell. That doesn’t mean I like the thought of you putting yourself at risk. You don’t know entitled like I do.”

“I’m pretty sure we’ve both had to deal with our share of entitled assholes. They weren’t going to actually do anything with you and Cam there.”

“I just don’t want to see you in another Tariq situation, Liu.”

At that, Riley grabbed his hand and tugged him to a stop. “Drake, I appreciate the thought, but I lived and worked in bars and restaurants in New York alone for seven years. Do you really think Tariq was the first man who viewed ‘No’ as a mild suggestion?”

Drake dropped his eyes to the ground, shaking his head regretfully. He wasn’t naive enough to think that Riley had only dealt with complete gentlemen before he knew her. The thought of her having to deal with such douchebags regularly was just depressing. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“I know, Liu. I’m just sorry you have to deal with all that shit.” Drake turned his head up and looked her in the eyes, surprised to see a small smile across her face.

“Yeah, it sucks sometimes. Maybe that’s why I just wanted to mess with those two a little tonight, take the chance to have a little fun when men who knew I was counting on them for a tip decided it was a good idea to ask me to go home with them.”

Drake nodded, “I get it, Liu.”

“Besides, you know me well enough to know that I am not one to shy away from poking the bear.”

Drake thought back on all the shit she’d dealt to both Madeleine and Olivia throughout her time at court, “Yeah, yeah, I’m well aware.”

“Come on, it’s frickin’ late. Let’s go home, yeah?”

Drake felt like he should say more, but deep down he knew that his words wouldn’t erase years of actions from other men. All he could do now was be there for her when she needed him. “Sure, Liu. Let’s go home.”

Tags: @wickedgypsymoon @thesumofmychoices​ @cosigottahavefaith​ @thequeenofcronuts​ @thequeenchoices​ @katedrakeohd​ @carabeth​ @feartheendlesssummer

Jenny Hval and the Struggle to Define Art Pop

Written by Clea Wurster

Art pop, as defined by none other than the reputable Wikipedia, is “a loosely defined style of pop music influenced by pop art's integration of high and low culture, and which emphasizes the manipulation of signs, style, and gesture over personal expression.”

To me, it has always seemed like an ironically inaccessible form of music, that despite its best efforts to ground itself in the true culture of the average person, it still feels uppity in some way, possibly pretentious.

This imagined, or real, condescension is off putting for a lot of reasons and until I recognized the capacity of art pop to explore topics outside the realm of more generic, easily palatable genres, I couldn’t push past the inevitable feeling of unworthiness and distance that it can elicit in its listeners. Yes, art pop requires a bit of digging and some persistence, but it doesn’t require anyone to be intimately acquainted with the topics of exploration that often preoccupy its composition.

Plenty of artists who can be classified by this label take liberties within their music to consider broad subjects, often relating to the reality of human existence. But this form, uniquely unlimited by norms or expectations, is able to push past traditional understandings of what a piece of music should or can be and delves deeply into philosophical experiments in thought and art, all without pushing listeners too far away. Artists like Perfume Genius sometimes discuss less abstract topics, like adulthood, but in equally artful manners to artists with broader more, enigmatic concerns.

While it can be disconcerting and even distressing to hit play on a track that forces interaction between a listener and a weighty topic, the genre has incredible flexibility and power to involve its listeners in its project.

Up until very recently, over the course of the last year or so, my opinion has changed on the value of art pop. Initially, I shied away from music that might force me into a deep existential crisis, spinning out from the mention of  my mortality or human failure, but now I welcome the opportunity to splash around in topics that often require a deep dive, so deep in fact, it feels unlikely that it would be possible to resurface.

Or maybe, as I’ve immersed myself into a bastion of academia, elite condescension and inaccessibility, I’ve simply come closer to valuing that which art pop represents and upholds. But what’s important for the purpose of this article is not whether I have become a star member of the dreaded class of academic elite, but rather how I came to respect, love and explore this self-contradictory genre of music.

I came into this new understanding through the prolific work of Jenny Hval, and her 2016 album Blood Bitch. An album supposedly about vampires, as Hval states in the beginning moments of the track “The Great Undressing,” to which someone replies, “That’s so basic,” as the first lyrics come into the scene, “Late capitalism, it looks like unrequited love.” But really, the album is all about periods - no, not the punctuation marks. Vampires for Hval are a symbol for women, and display a continuation of her album’s long fixation with the female body and menstruation.

In the same vein as many albums within the genre, Blood Bitch on first listen feels surreal, and above my intellectual capabilities, but with repetition and concentration I soon came to love the album and regard the principle track, “Conceptual Romance,” as a favorite.

This high regard for the Norwegian artist meant I was ecstatic to hear news of a recent release. The single “Spells,” released on April 11, is the first hint of an album to come entitled The Long Sleep. Presumably, this album will tackle a similarly complex human issue: death. But for an album, and more specifically a single, about such a seemingly bleak topic, the music is pleasantly upbeat.

With lyrics like, “You are your own disco ball/Hovering above you like a comforting reminder/That not even you belong to you,” the song leaps into a lighter, optimistic view of mortality. Everything about the music is an open invitation for the consideration of something generally regarded as dark and dreary.

The piano is uplifting at the beginning, mixed into overwhelmingly jazzy tones with a saxophone that continues pulling you up into the music and preparing you for what’s to come.

A steady drum beat joins in with a pop-ish feel, forcing you to bop your head along. Then, the song hits its peak and Hval’s characteristic speak-singing soft voice with a high-pitch comes in to replace the saxophone and follow the piano keys. Something about it feels like an 80’s cocktail bar, but it’s a marked departure from the solemn, nearly angsty vibes that Hval generally unleashes in her music.

Her continual high pitched holds give the song a light, young feel despite the harshness of the lyrics “you will not be awake for long,” before coming to its conclusion with some light scatting - only furthering the jazz references. Her voice speaks softly in the last few lines of the song as the music fades and the saxophone returns to complete the song full-circle.

Hval has impressed yet again and pushed the edges of her style, attempting something new and wholly successful with “Spells.”

Nationalism...A Whole Lotta Nationalism!

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh,   The original title was going to be "A revert's thoughts on the rise in Nationalism drawing on the Quran and Sunnah", but "a whole lotta nationalism" is appropriate given the rise of it everywhere and the length, I',m afraid, of this podcast! I normally try to avoid politics but in this day and age, it's almost impossible (Brexit, Trump, Saudi, China, to name just a few that seem to be all that is in the Western news). As always I want to try and tackle this in a way that is helpful to reverts or those rediscovering their Islam as this can be a rather difficult area to navigate as it involves it seems one has to question identities, nationalities, allegiances, religion, etc. It is rather a lot easier to understand if you are of Pakistani or Bengali heritage in the UK or Latino in the US, you've sadly experienced navigating this complex mix of where you fit in one way or another on a daily basis. If you are a refugee, life has always been hard, you never left your home just for a giggle, contrary to what it seems many people think you are not an expat who is just from a quote-unquote 'undesirable' country.  If you are from Palestine the struggle is in your blood. And of course this is just a snapshot of cases and far from fully inclusive. But of course, as a revert, you may be from none of the cultures under 'attack' you may even be from the culture or nation that is doing the attacking of your now new Brothers and Sisters. As a Brother from Britain or France, for example, you have the colonial legacy to deal with too. A Sister from the USA has the modern colonial warmongering of her own country to somehow come to terms with. As an Arab, you have the difficulty of leadership that never seem to represent the Islam that is everything to you, in a good light...I found and find this topic incredibly complicated and I hope that InshaAllah my thoughts and how I try to navigate this minefield may be of some value. Let me set the scene by giving some examples of rife nationalism and then tackle the Islamic view on this through some excerpts from the Qu'ran and hadith.  Although a warning ahead of time: my efforts to deal with this through an Islamic lens are going to be in no way exhaustive. Alhamdullilah this is simply because there are so many references that I could choose. Allah is the most Kareem (Kind) and his Messenger pbuh the best of examples - it should not surprise you that like most things - we've got this covered! DOCUMENTARIES I cut the cord to the TV ten plus years ago but still sometimes go down a YouTube rabbit hole now and then with my wife! We basically stick to lectures or documentaries in some pseudo attempt perhaps to be educated or intellectual ha ha. I am more than aware that our recent 'watchlist' is thanks to Google and whatever clever algorithm they have deployed to nicely serve up things for us to watch on a plate. Thank you YouTube algo-developers you clever little things! The 'freedom of choice' that we have online and the 'echo chamber'  effect is a whole other topic. I'm not going there today!!   Anyway recently we watched a series of interesting documentaries, from what I can remember, on VICE channel, Journeyman Productions, Ross Kemp on Gangs, BBC, Al Jazeera, etc I said it was a binge so let me share the ones I can remember:   Immigration - the harsh, fraught, struggle filled, emotional journeys of Syrians / Sub-Saharan Africans / Eritreans (the North Korea of Africa) / kind British people on the island of Lesbos / less kind Greek locals with a 'treat them mean and they won't continue to come' approach (as if that is going to do anything when they are willing to risk injury and death to leave where they are coming from) / unkind French and Italian police / kind local French people willing to go to court over providing refuge in their gardens to tens of refugees every day /  the disgraceful French police behaviour at the Calais Jungle camp. Israel, although we normally don't watch things on the Israeli occupation as my heart breaks at the barbaric nature of this ongoing apartheid and the international communities unwillingness to act on behalf of the Palestinian victims, we did watch an interesting thing on how the Haredi Jews have refused to serve in the Israeli military for religious reasons and yet how the Zionist government are not letting them get away with it. Now persecuting their own people for their religious beliefs which they are meant to share. As I'm an Englishman and we have a bit of a dark humour, I must confess to being amused by how un-Jewish the Zionist government are, and how if you are actually a practising Jew you are also borderline, or maybe not even borderline, an 'enemy of the state'! Also, I had no idea what a large number of practising Jews were opposed to military service.  A cursory bit of research highlighted that there are many other Jews like the Hasidic Jews who are against the occupation and service in the IDF.   We watched on Guantanamo Bay and how it is still open and on a 'tour' were quite amazed by how little the US soldiers guarding knew about their 'enemy' that they were holding. This is rather damning of the educational level and natural intellectual inquisitiveness. Even the base commander with rather a lot of stars on his shoulder confessed to knowing next to nothing! Quite staggering. Of course, the former guard who reverted to Islam featured in the documentary, mashaAllah, so it is wrong to totally generalise - we come to Islam in some very unexpected ways! Allahu Akhbar! We also watched Hate Thy Neighbour on the Deep South of America and the horrid EDL in the UK which was simply staggering for the total demonstration of ignorance and racism that are on both sides of the 'pond'. As an Englishman watching the EDL I just felt horribly ashamed. It is quite hard for me to fathom how this country can produce such disgusting characters from its midst.   A documentary on the most insane murder rate in Mexico border towns controlled by the cartels and how El Salvador is just so dangerous that those expelled from the US who have never really known El Salvador as home are willing to walk this 'caravan' that takes a minimum 30 days, and is truly treacherous, to try and get back into the US. Fully aware of the stakes involved if they are caught and that is if they beat the odds and even get anywhere near the border in the first place. We watched one on Afghanistan being, amongst a cornucopia of other natural resources, a gemstone capital. The one we watched focussed on emeralds and if you can afford them and want the greenest in the world then Afghanistan surely has them! This backed up what Afghan friends of mine had said about mineral resources in the country that I confess to never quite believing. It is amazing when you see for your own eyes that it rams home the point that you've been sold a dud by the media. It might even make one question the real motivations over the presence in a country that historically has been a graveyard for one army after another? Also, a debate hosted by intelligence squared and Chaired by Lyse Doucet (BBC's Chief International Correspondent) with the motion that "The West should cut ties with Saudi Arabia". For the motion were Mehdi Hassan (Journalist and Al Jazzera Broadcaster) and Madawi Al-Rasheed (LSE Professor and expert on Saudi Arabia). Against the motion Crispin Blunt (Conservative MP for Reigate - just up the road from me) and Mamoun Fandy (Egyptian born Middle East expert). It was a thoroughly good debate and well worth the watch. Before coming into the event 41% said they were for the motion, 22% against, 37% undecided. After the debate the positions had changed to 63% for the motion, only 5% were undecided, 32% were against. That was a swing of 6% towards the motion that "The West should cut ties with Saudi Arabia".  An obvious trigger and feature of this debate was the alleged but clearly fairly solid 'off with his head' order by MBS on journalist Jamal Khashoggi in the Saudi embassy in Istanbul. We also watched an interesting Oxford University Hard Talk on "What is the human cost to China's economic miracle?" again with Mehdi Hasan who this time was challenging Charles Liu on China's economic and human rights record - particularly on the Uighur Muslim detention or extermination depending on who you choose to believe.  Many are calling this ethnic cleansing and again it is happening pretty much undeterred. I forget where we watched it, but a just heartbreaking look at the humanitarian disaster that is Yemen, with a war that has been going on since 2015!  The civil war was ongoing but everything got significantly worse and became the worlds worst humanitarian crisis upon the involvement of the Saudi-led coalition. As in every war, civilians are bearing the brunt and suffering. Normally Scandinavia is portrayed as the lands where everything works, people are the happiest in the world, etc. Yet another documentary on the rise of Far Right parties puts pay to that notion - at least in my mind. In the sidebar, there were similar documentaries on neighbouring and regional countries. Sweden was even interesting and frightening in that there is a vicious battle between these right wing hate filled groups and militant violent left groups that actively combat the fascist right. All of this centred around the topics of nationalism, immigration, race, etc.   It is not just the algorithm served documentary binge fest where nationalist, separatist, racist, derogatoriness seems to be the global norm. The Christchurch terrorist act occurred and is obviously fresh in everyone's mind. As everyone knows this was nationalist, racist and hate inspired. I will not elaborate on that here. You may like to listen to my former podcast that covered the global Muslim reaction I experienced to this dreadful event, especially as it may not have been the reaction you may have expected (you can find it here). WHATSAPP Another example is from my own WhatsApp. I am a member of a number of Malaysian WhatsApp groups, after having lived there, and there is always a whole heap of Malay nationalism due to their concerns about the Chinese takeover of their country and the economic destruction that comes from not following Islamic economic principles at the state level. Post Christchurch I have received a troublesome number of links to mosques being vandalised in the north of England, we had Surrey Police talk in my local mosque and say that there had been a terrorist act against Muslims in normally sleepy Surrey. A 50-year-old man ranting about 'white supremacy' knifed a 16-year-old in a supermarket carpark..... and what is sad I am sure there are far more examples that someone with less aversion to media and social media could add to this already saddening list. The Today Show was shared with me where Muslim parents are upset about primary school sex and relationship education and Piers Morgan, taking on the mantle of a gay rights activist, decided to slander the Muslim journalist on his show, and Muslims in general, with an Islamaphobic and racist rant which was aired on an apparently well watched national TV channel. Although interesting the last 6 minutes or so were not featured online via the TV station where Piers steps a little too far over the line (the full version was sent to me). Piers, Piers, Piers, we are here to stay, when are you going to get that? Many of us are white like you mate. No, we're not going back to Islamabad, most of us never came from there, we're as British as you and have contributed more to building this society with real-world jobs than you. Wind your neck in mate. Accept that in a pluralistic society a favourite soundbite that you like to throw out, which is defined as: "A pluralistic society is a diverse one, where the people in it believe all kinds of different things and tolerate each other's beliefs even when they don't match their own.", you are going to have to accept that there are a whole bunch of us who face Mecca 5 times a day, wear different clothes, and rank God above all things. We accept you, time to actually be pluralistic and stop always targetting Muslims. That my friend is called Islamaphobia and you are only getting away with it because we don't seem quite as good as the Jews have been at getting it to be a term that people quake at being associated with, like anti-Semitism but.... we will get there soon inshaAllah, so watch out! NEWSPAPER Now I don't normally get a newspaper as I have a method that suffices my needs using my investment platforms excellent resources and I prefer books or periodicals for their deeper more thoughtful analysis. In general, I am not a fan of the 'news' per se. I know many successful people who seem to be just fine operating in a complete news blackout or reading headlines on the daily newspaper as they walk past a newsstand. However, after my family took my Dad out for lunch at the Shard last week I picked up an FT. I did it as a kind of walk down memory lane as I used to take the FT every day. As a finance chap, there really is no substitute. Now, this is not meant to be topical but rather an example of what is being pumped out and consumed. What I mean is that it is not specifically these stories that matter but rather the type of content I want to highlight. Scanning other newspapers in preparing a bit for this podcast, there is a commonality running through almost all UK publications - the examples I'm citing are indicative of the general state of affairs. I'm going to be referring to the Tuesday 19 March 2019 International Edition. Amidst the pages, on literally almost every page, what do you get but: Nationalism, Nationalism, Nationalism!   Also, I quite like the FT as they don't mess about! The news section is a few condensed pages before they get full-on business. So let me walk you through this sample Tuesday from our look-for-the-nationalist or leaning-that-way articles and references: 

- The front page headline has of course Brexit with "May's Brexit hits block as Bercow rules out third vote on same deal", naturally this sets the tone for a number of other articles where everyone guesses about the fiasco that has become the Brexit. The FT indicates what is coming in the rest of the paper on the front page. - Turning to page two, blissfully we get a pass.  - Page three has four articles all of which are loaded with nationalistic, and because this is Britain schoolboy antics of our esteemed politicians. The main article is "Bercow adds to May's problems while delighting Europhiles and Brexiters". The photo below showing Union Jacks and European flags jostling for our attention. As its a Brexit piece it is safe to say that this is nationalistic, them and us stuff. Then we have "Leavers will back PM's deal 'if she agrees to go'. In short, this is where conservative party members seem more interested in their positions in parliament than the future of the country. Pretty standard fare for politicians. We also have "Article 50 Back to Brussels with extra baggage" which is of course more of the same about poor old Theresa May having to go back and forth to Brussels to try and find some way out of this pickle we as a nation have got ourselves in. Finally, we have more of the games in the Conservative party with "Johnson and Raab jockey for position" which is all about how to slip into the PM spot as Theresa May leaves. Oh yes, it's not about serving the public interests first but rather serving their own. Loyalty to none it seems. Of course, cherrypicking some terms we have plenty of "leading Eurosceptic contenders", "prominent Brexiters", "insisting they are acting in the national interests", "hardline Brexiters", "pro-Brexit hardcore", etc, etc, yawn, yawn. - Page four we have a detour from Brexit woes for a little foray into Europe-land. "Staff resist Czech tycoon in battle for Le Monde"  is an article on a Czech billionaire looking to acquire control of the famous Le Monde newspaper. We have quotes like "I'm very suspicious of a foreign billionaire trying to get a foothold in the western establishment through the ownership of a media, especially through a newspaper such as Le Monde, which sets the tone and agenda of news in France and beyond". Yet we also have someone presumably talking on behalf of Kretinsky the billionaire saying "He is a Francophile and believes that France plays an important role in the fight of populism.". So here we have suspicion, foreign, western (making Czech back to the Eastern Bloc I presume), French nationalism in Le Monde as voice, Francophile, populism. Then it gets deeper as of course, we have "French interior minister in hot seat after yellow vest protest". This is more of the yellow vests protests that descended into violence with rioters setting fire to newsstands, a bank, restaurants and ransacking more than 90 shops. Sadly also for this chap they report on his playing around with waitresses rather than his wife. Who only knows what this movement is about anymore. It may not be so nationalistic but it is certainly popular and violent. And of course the French are often quick to say that everywhere immigrants come from are uncivilised and yet here we have France regularly looking like a war zone. - Page five, oh dear me, we have "Brazil's Trump pivots towards US in boost for White House", with subtitle "Rightwing Bolsonaro's Washington visit brings hope on both sides of closer ties". I can probably rest my case here but there are two disturbing quotes I will site to ram home the point: Firstly: "Day's before Jair Bolsonaro's meeting with Donald Trump this week, a select group of enthusiasts gathered at the Trump International Hotel in Washington to celebrate the ideas that helped bring the two rightwing populist leaders to power.Eduardo Bolsonaro, son of the Brazilian president who won a landslide election in October, was there. So too, as co-host of the event, was Steve Bannon, the former White House strategist who has set up a club for nationalist populist leaders called The Movement. "This is a very important movement and not just for Brazilian-US relations.... but the world," Mr Bannon told the gathering. "Ideas have consequences, and with the arrival of Bolsonaro [in Brazil], Trump [in the US], Orban [in Hungary], and Salvini [in Italy], it's a critically important time."We're at last doing what communists and socialists did a long time ago," added Eduardo Bolsonaro, who is also head of Brazil's congressional foreign relations committee. "We're organising ourselves internationally". All I will say personally is that I find this level of organisation globally of Nationalist leaders, the language used, and the titling of their club as The Movement, simply terrifying. - Page 6 and I promise we're done, inshaAllah, but there are a couple of things here which are both nationalistic and divisive. I have to make a little detour here. The first is "Erdogan angers Wellington by airing video" where we find out the Mr Erdogan screens footage of the mosque killings during his election rallies. It seems whilst everyone else is noting how well the NZ Primeminister has dealt with the whole affair Erdogan is trying to garner voters that he is struggling to hold onto. Now I am not sure who his advisors are but even my local Imam preached to the community not to share the videos due to the hurt it would cause the victims families, the disrespect to the martyrs, and the fact that it aids the intention of the killer himself. Oh no it seems Erdogan went and dove in with both feet the videos even being captioned "A terrorist who is the enemy of Islam and the Turks". In the rallies, Erdogan said 'the "real target" of the New Zealand killings was the Turkish people, the Turkish flag and the Turkish state.' Do we need to remind Mr Erdogan that whilst he might be struggling for votes that Islam, Muslim and Turk are not synonyms. But, without going too deep into this from the Islamic perspective, we have again(!) another example of rife nationalism. Next, we have "China talks up close ties with EU in riposte to 'systemic rival' label" and language like "concerns Beijing is trying to divide the bloc", China being an "economic competitor" and "systematic rival". China's representative making a big thing of "co-operation is a mainstay of European relations". The whole thing, of course, suggests discomfort from both sides with Europe marking their turf and China doing the same. I am going to finish with the headline "Beijing attempts to justify Uighur detention". As we all know by now Human Rights groups, international concern, yet not enough governments speaking out about the atrocious, ethnic cleansing, abuse, forced marriage, forced consumption of pork and alcohol, all in the name of education, oh and torture, murder, etc,  treatment of the Uighur people in China. Here we have Erdogan reclaiming some class by being the "first leading Muslim-majority country to call on China to close its mass internment camps holding Uighurs." Of course, I don't have to work hard to convince you that this is nationalistic, ethnic, racist, behaviour at play. I do have to say one thing.... you know you have that one friend or family member who is prone to massive exaggeration. Well, it seems China's state council has a serious case of exageritis! Let me read you this quote "Xinjiang has destroyed 1,588 terrorist groups, arrested 12,995 terrorists" and it goes on. But really? Really? 1,588 terrorist groups. 1,588 terrorist groups inside Xinjiang province. I spat my tea out reading that! Come on China state council pull the other one! I think you need to double down on your editorial control to ensure that the 'stats'  you produce have at least some basis in reality. WRAP UP THROUGH THE LENSE OF ISLAM Ok, ok, no I haven't turned this into a news review podcast but what I do hope I have done is demonstrated how everywhere you look there is the talk of nationalism or conditions that trigger nationalistic feelings. There are whole regions in flux and mobile populations at unprecedented scales. I want to say unprecedented but I'm not a good enough historian to know if that is totally true. What is for sure is that there is a significant amount of population movement and a significant amount of nationalism. What I'd like to do now is address nationalism through the eyes of Islam and my views as to how we as Muslims are meant to actually tackle this specific issue of nationalism. I'll start with making the point that Muslims living in non-Muslim majority countries can have issues that are kind of hard for them to deal with although I emphasise they have to rely on the religious teachings of our Deen (religion). Let's note the ease with which Muslims can feel awkward in Western countries with things that are nowhere near in line with our Religious views e.g. homosexuality, sex education at increasingly younger and younger ages, public debauchery, the promotion of gambling, sexualisation of almost everything, diminishing moral standards, etc, etc. Regrettably, the list is quite long. As this warrants a whole other podcast in its own right I am going to cover this in as short and sharp a practical manner as I can without giving any specific scriptural references, I'll save that for the full podcast inshaAllah. The key point: Muslims as long as able to practice their religion have to respect and uphold the laws of the land. After having travelled in many Muslim countries, you will find that many in those lands are jealous of the law and order in the West. There is no perfect Islamic environment in the world. We have to simply make do with what we have and in the West you are really rather blessed, whether you know that or not. Just wise up and be pragmatic. Thank God that you can freely worship, that you can listen to khutba's (sermons) that are not written by the state, that you can homeschool your children if you don't like the state education, that there is good state education at all, that there is access to medical care - which is often free, the rule of law is more balanced, bribery is not rife, etc. My suggestion is don't be a complainy-pants. Don't focus on the few things that are less pleasing and overlook much that is good. We should have shukr gratitude, for the blessings Allah swt has bestowed on us and sabr for those things he has also bestowed upon us that we find hard. As Muslims, remember we are people of shukr and sabr. So what do you do my brothers and sisters about things you are uncomfortable with, like homosexuality? Well how about this? Don't go to any gay bars!! What if you meet someone 'strange' or 'odd'? Be kind and well mannered. You never know if you may be an instrument of Allah swt and a trigger for them looking to Islam. There is no compulsion in religion and we are all the creation of Allah swt after all. A simple heuristic is to worry more about yourself, then your family, then your community, and work your way up. I am sure there are more than enough things for you to work on in those first three areas before being outraged by fringe groups. Even if they are rather vocal considering their meagre numbers.   Back to Nationalism. Look I checked my logic on this whole topic of Nationalism and being a Muslim with one of my close Arabic Brothers who has memorised the Quran mashaAllah. I also asked him for verses that he thought were relevant. There are honestly so many on this topic and additionally many many Hadith. I messaged him the following: "I would like to write something on nationalism and its dangers. It will be along the line of what I believe is stated in the Quran and the Sunnah: that we are Muslim first and from a nation second. That cultural things from our national traditions are cool as long as they don't contradict explicitly something from the Qu'ran and the Sunnah. This is my logical understanding so far." My Brothers response was "I stand with you for this Brother, flags and colours should not take us away from each other, we are being called by Allah swt as "one Ummah" and the only differences between us are in Taqwa which no one can judge except He." Note the key points here. 1) we are an ummah before we are nations with flags, colours, etc, (2) our unity as brothers and sisters in Islam supersedes our allegiances to nation states, (3) in the eyes of Allah swt we are all the same except in our taqwa. Taqwa if you have not heard of it before is our God consiciousness or you can have it translated as fear of Allah swt. It is what makes us do acts in remembrance of Allah swt. This can only be judged by Him the Most Magnificent as He is the only one who can look into the hearts to see this taqwa. None of us mere mortals possibly can. Actually, there is another area I want to share in my communication with my Brother that I think is important to reflect on as Muslims. I laughed with my wife that it is so amazing that I can just ask him for references and he closes his eyes and can just pull relevant verses from the Quran database that is his brain. What an incredible blessing that is from Allah swt and for someone who didn't grow up with any knowledge that people have memorised God's word in its entirety with no errors I continue to be astounded when I see this. I told him we thought this and he laughed. He said "Alhamdullilah Brother, when someone says this to me I really would say as Prophet Suleiman (Solomon) said in the Quran 27:19 "... "My Lord, enable me to be grateful for Your favour which You have bestowed upon me and upon my parents and to do righteousness of which You approve. And admit me by Your mercy into [the ranks of] Your righteous servants" Alhamdullilah" Then he tells me "you should teach your kids Arabic Brother, they will be grateful to you afterwards, they will appreciate how much you really love them especially when they read the Quran and understand it the way it was revealed" Then he said: "Walahi Brother, Quran is the only guidance in my life, and without it, I am completely NOTHING. It is my soul's oxygen! and every Muslim's too (supposedly)!" I share this as I feel it imperative to ask anyone still listening or reading: is this how you feel about the Quran? Is this your relationship with it? Is it your oxygen? Are you nothing without it?   It is meant to be! This is what creates our unity, creates our understanding, means that when there are issues like nationalism we know 100% where we stand as Muslims. We know that we're united with every single other Muslim on the Straight Path as we all go our understanding from Allah swt's direct words to us in the Holy Quran as well as the example and explanation of those words from the Prophet pbuh and what we have learnt from the Sahaba (may Allah be pleased with them), and the great scholars who have helped ensure in these modern times we understand as we were meant to the way to live. May Allah swt enable us as an Ummah to reconnect with Him through His Words and may we have the Qu'ran such a part of our life that it testifies on our behalf in the hereafter. Ameen. So here are a few quotes from the Qu'ran:    21:92-93 *"[Prophets], this is your community, one community, and I am your Lord, so serve Me. They have torn their unity apart, but they will all return to us."* 23:52-53 *"This is your community, one community - and I am your Lord: be mindful of Me - but they have split their community into sects, each rejoicing in their own." *   In both of these the emphasis, the angle that is being stated if you like, is referring to us as a community which is understood as an Ummah-nation. A community united by shared beliefs. One where our religion is the unifier, that is what makes us a nation, we are not separate from any other Brother or Sister, we are united as an Ummah through our religion, through the Lord we worship, the Lord we fear, and the Prophet pbuh who's example we follow. Allah swt reminds us of the risks of division and how we will all ultimately return to Him. He swt also highlights at the end of the second verse how the Jews and the Christians split into sects "each rejoicing in their own". Here the Quran is warning Prophet Muhammad pbuh and us that we are meant to be united as an Ummah, as a community, and not divide up into groups, making the errors of the former peoples of the book. Do you see how this trumps all human constructs of nations or nation-states? How it runs so much deeper? *3:102-103 *"You who believe, be mindful of God, as is His due, and make sure you devote yourselves to Him, to your dying moment. Hold fast to God's rope all together; do not split into factions. Remember God's favour to you: you were enemies and then He brought your hearts together and you became brothers by His grace: you were about to fall into a pit of Fire and He saved you from it. In this way God makes his revelations clear to you so that you may be rightly guided." * This is massive! We were enemies, and He brought our hearts together, through the religion, and His favour and we became brothers. Allah swt tells us that this saves us from the pit of the Fire. He swt tells us that we must "hold fast to God's rope all together".  So why are we fighting, killing, making enemies of other Muslims, fighting as nations against other nations, when that favour of Allah swt and brotherhood in religion that he has given us is what keeps us from the fire? *3:104 "Be a community that calls for what is good, urges what is right, and forbids what is wrong: those who do this are the successful ones."* As is the case throughout the Quran Allah swt tells us what makes us "the successful ones" and it as a community - a global ummah again - calling for what is good and forbidding what it is wrong. Calling to good is about as expansive as it gets. Are nationalistic motivations, the superiority of one type over the other, calling for good? Is this treating our brothers as we would hope to be treated? A community is stated here, not multiple nations. A community of believers where collectively, we focus on good. United we are successful as a single global community. I see this as knowing that deeper than the human constructs of nation-states there is a bond between me and my Moroccan brother, or between me and my Yemeni brother, or between me and my Colombian brother, or any other brother you can think of.... that transcends that nation-state man-made construct.   *3:105 "Do not be like those who, after they have been given clear revelation, split into factions and fall into disputes: a terrible punishment awaits such people."* This should make us think, should it not? Are we going down the route of those in the past who became divided? Have we not been given clear revelation? Have we not witnessed the mess that has become of those who have split into so many factions they lost all unity and are clearly in confusion? Do we no longer fear the punishment of Allah? Allahu Akhbar! La illah ill Allah. We hear and we obey! Or at least we should be unified by that La illah ill Allah. There is a community or a nation but its the community or nation that unites across all languages, races, and types under the shahada: La illah ill Allah, Muhammad rassululah.   THIS TOPIC REQUIRES MORE I actually got into this topic without thinking it through fully! I realise that I have only really scratched the surface of what needs to be said on this matter. For example, I need to address the race and racism part. How the inclusiveness of Islam is one of the biggest draws and how the Quran and indeed the Prophet pbuh's last sermon covered how we are all the same no matter our skin colour or where we happen to have been born. Maybe even more so than this is the importance of highlighting the importance of brotherhood and sisterhood as a broad concept in Islam and how this adds to the trumping of nationalism. However, this is already exceptionally long and so I guess I shall inshaAllah break this topic up and cover these in future podcasts. InshaAllah I also didn't lose everyone with the length of this one, in what seems to be, unintentionally, my first long-form podcast. CONCLUSION To wrap up I hope that I have made a clear case that as Muslims we must be very careful around nationalism and tribalism. We are Muslim first and of our countries second. Or maybe even deeper we are of the human community first and foremost, as all are created by Allah swt irrespective of belief. Then as Muslims, we believe in Allah swt and we happen to live in a particular nation, for what is ultimately a very short period. The purpose of this residence being to work so that we get where we so desperately hope to in the hereafter which is eternal. Furthermore, I hope that, although I didn't drum it home so much that, as long as we are able to practice our religion we are bound by the laws of the lands we reside in. This can raise emotions that can be difficult to deal with but we must be patient (have sabr) as well as being grateful (having shukr) for all those things we are blessed with. I've lived in different European countries most of my life and then in Muslim countries. I have good friends and business interests in many different countries and I can categorically tell you that even if things look 'idyllic' somewhere else - they aren't. Remember this is the dunya - you want idyllic? - work for it through your worship and remembrance of Allah swt. May Allah swt draw us together as Muslims, enable us to be the best of examples and the ones no one fears, may we not harm our brothers and sisters in any way and may our leaders lead with wisdom and mercy for all humankind. Ameen.

Suicide

      I am sitting here on a bright sunny day, having absolutely no clue on how to start this touching memorable topic. I am afraid and have been questioning myself for so long, wondering why would one of my loved ones want to give up on this wonderful life, been angry and simply remaining quiet but never having just the right answers. I decided to to pick this topic due to these causes, although I have never spoken about this. It makes it so difficult for me to speak of and rewind my memory to these shocking moment in my life. I do not know what your story is or perhaps what you are currently facing, all I want is for you stop and listen to this and to know you are not alone. The most important thing that people have in their lives is their dreams. Dreams are goals that people may have deep in themselves and will try reach them at any cost. In order to reach their goals, it  is necessary to work very hard. To never give up means to keep trying and never stop. I totally agree with this statement because of three reasons: first, as long as you are alive everything is possible. Second, because you have to learn from your mistakes in order to make succeed. Lastly, because you are stronger than you think. 

To start with, as long as you’re alive everything is possible. There are chances everywhere. If you did not succeed in a specific time and place, you will in your next attempt. If you just give up, you will not see the chances and everything would seem more difficult because you did not develop the skills to succeed Equally important is learning from mistakes; nobody masters something in their first attempt and are prone to fail and make mistakes. Mistakes let you see the areas you need to improve. The only unacceptable failure is to completely give up because you would be rejecting the opportunity to master something, of living better. Finally, even when you seem or feel weak, your spirit strength is huge. It is necessary to prove that you are capable of achieve what you have set out to do; because you deserve to be happy and because if someone else has achieved what you have set out to do, then so can you. There are people in a worse situation struggling to succeed. For example, Chris Gardner, the main character of “Pursuit of Happiness”, was in a very difficult situation with no money and no job but never gave up and soon became a millionaire. To sum up, “never give up” should be the phrase you repeat everyday if you really want to make your dreams come true, because of the three major reasons: first, as long as you are alive everything is possible; second, because to master something is necessary to fail and make mistakes; and finally, because you have strength enough to fight for your dreams. Continue dreaming and never give up! Everyone should be heard and feel supported, we are not alone.

The two questions I decided to analyze were: what causes people to give up? and What effects does suicide have on our loved ones? After weeks of dedicating time to my research, I found many interesting things about suicide. I analyzed and compared different books  as well with popular show Thirteen Reasons and a specific book I read having a strong  connection called Slut to this show. First, what is suicide? many of us ignore this topic and not grabbing any source of attention to it like if it is simply nothing to worried about or to be concerned about.  Let me take the moment and explain to you that May is the month of mental illness awareness. I am sure you did not, but let me tell you more. Through the month of May, the association NAMI and other participants across the country are raising awareness for mental health. Each year, they fight stigma, provide support, educate the public, and advocate for equal care . Each year the movement grows stronger. Millions of Americans face the reality of living with a mental health condition, as 1 in 5 U.S adults will experience a mental health condition in their lifetime. However, everyone is affected or impacted by mental illness through friends and family. Furthermore, suicide is the act of purposely ending your own life.  So how does society view and react to suicide? Well after conducting a few interviews, which I will share with you in just a moment. Let's go back to how society views suicide. The view of suicide varies widely according to an individual’s culture and religion.  For example, many western cultures, as well as mainstream Judaism, islam, and Christianity tend to view killing oneself as quite negative. One myth about suicide that may be the result of this view is considering suicide to always be a result of a mental illness. Society also can target suicide as an attempt as if it were a crime more than 800,000 people worldwide committed suicide in the year 2012, with many more suicide attempts annually. That translates into people committing suicide every 40 seconds somewhere in the world. More than 39,000 people reportedly kill themselves each year in the United States, making it the 10th leading cause of death nearly 43,000 die by suicide every year the second leading cause of death are ages 44 and under the fifth leading cause for ages 45-54 years old. The suicide rate among american Indian/ Alaska native adolescents and young adults ages 15-24 is 1.5 times the national average .  Suicide is defined as an intentional, self-inflicted death that occurs in all cultures and usually is executed by people who are suffering from some sort of extreme emotional pain and feel unable to cope with their problems (Shneidman 6). Suicide is seen in our culture to be something that happens to only the crazy or drug-addicted people. But the reality is that normal, everyday people commit suicide as well. Since suicide-ology is a fairly new field of scientific study there is still much to learn about it. Some theories and other scientific information have been discovered and are very interesting. Typical suicide people suffer from fear, anxiety, defeat, and delusional attributes and the end result for them is to give up life.

Now I will share back with you about my process with my research as well interviews. First when I began to research I had double thoughts about actually going along with my topic. It seem impossible how I could focus and remaining strong and not having to feel angry and sad, but I managed step by step as I could. I started watching the popular show Thirteen Reasons and slowly analyzing each part and season I read many negative comments targeting  the show after I finished watching each episode of Thirteen Reasons I compared the show to a book I read it was called Slut. Yea, you might wonder what a harsh name on a book well while reading the book and comparing thirteen reasons in the show Hannah Baker. The main character is a high school student she decided to leave behind thirteen tapes explaining each situation how she felt harmed   and the reasons that caused her to end her life. Why I connected this particular book to thirteen reasons well Hannah Baker’s reputation gets ruined by a guy that changed a whole story of just a kiss. Well in the book it said that two out of five girls in the nationwide 42 percent have had a sexual rumor spread about them according 10 a 1993 poll conducted for the American Association of University women on sexual harassment in schools .  three out of four girls today have received  sexual comments or looks and one in five has had sexual messenger written about her public areas.  Bullying is a prime reason why teenagers begin to think of suicide. It can occur in the classroom. The bullies might resort to verbal bullying to get under their skin. Sometimes, it gets physical and they can suffer from severe injuries. When nobody steps in, it triggers thoughts of suicide as they feel alone and isolated from the rest of the world. Teenage suicide occurs due to a variety of factors. The numbers remain fairly consistent and schools have attempted to roll out a number of schemes to tackle the problem. The main cause of teenage suicide is time. Young people who spend longer with such a chaotic emotional state are far more likely to commit suicide. Time is the main factor. If something begins to bother someone, it starts as a mere irritation. They can put it off for a while, but eventually it begins to take over their lives. Over time, they start to lose the ability to cope. And this is when they start thinking, and attempting, suicide. But certain events in a person’s life can trigger this scenario, and it differs for everybody Parental divorce is another reason why problems begin to occur. When a beloved parent permanently leaves the household, it generates feelings of abandonment. It also destabilizes the family household and removes one of their sanctuaries. Without any emotional outlet, they start to believe the only option is suicide. Teenage suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Teenagers experiencing such thoughts believe there’s no future for them. A lack of a long-term future and no way of being able to imagine a positive future leads to apathy. Apathy eventually transitions to depression, which leads to suicidal thoughts. Friends play a vital role in a young person’s life. Young men and women growing up rarely develop the level of independence needed to confront life alone. Teenagers without friends are far more likely to experience thoughts of suicide than those with a strong support network around them. Someone who isn’t independent needs a support network or they’ll start feeling lonely and abandoned. Not having any friends to lean on offers them the free time they need to indulge in dark thoughts of suicide. All the above troubles can only happen when nobody steps in to help. If nobody lends a hand to help them, there’s the potential for these feelings to turn into actions. The lack of any support mechanisms, such as through school counselling, parents, and friends allow negative feelings to build up over time. Overall, it’s time which causes the most damage, time to let these negative feelings bubble under the surface. When the pressure begins to reach higher levels, teenagers begin to attempt suicide. By stepping in early and eliminating these risk factors, the rate of teen suicide can go down.

My interviews well after explaining my connection to Thirteen Reasons and the famous book sluts know I will share with you the people I interviewed during my process . The first person I interview was focusing on the community her name Is Lanae she is a part time  worker she is twenty two years old Lanae shares with me her thoughts about suicide she says she wishes people wouldn’t  want to end their life when she thinks about suicide necessarily does not  judge she has a brother who is ADSD and tends to have lots of thought’s wanting to determine his life. She wishes there were my sources and more support groups  towards suicide. Lanea wishes to have the answers why his brother wants to end his life and why simply he gets these thoughts.

The second interview I did was Christie Harrington –Tsai M.A  a counselor in mental health first I want start of she has been a great moral support to me and when I shared with her my topic I was planning to do she was shocked and was afraid of my emotions how would I react  she felt very proud of me been able take this step to speak about suicide. She took the time and dedication and we talked about my two questions and gave me extra sources that helped not just myself but each one who is facing any type of situation with a mental illness, we discussed on what was causing specifically the rates that are  increasing  although there is no actual answer determining the situation depression is big factor to suicide as well antidepressants she says they can actually cause you to end in an even darker places than you possibly are already. She discussed fifteen factors that can cause suicide one was of course mental illness as we have discussed  as well in traumatic experience can lead a person to feel helpless another popular factor was bullying especially on young teens as I have discussed as  well unemployment can lead to feeling of isolation. Another one she grabbed  my attention was men in ages 40 years too 45 yes if you are surprised I was to how can men this age fall in this category well its due to men at this age are  married and so focused on maintaining their family that they simply start loosing connection to their surrounding they lose friends and start feel old  and not having the same capability and energy as when they were young can cause them become isolated. Mrs. Harrington took the time to share each and one of these information ad provided me with free resources for family members who have loved ones living with a mental health condition or mental illness as well other suicide prevention  lines to contact  at the end of my blog I will be uploading each and of the sources that I hope be a great sources for you or perhaps someone you now.

    I also thank my professor Guillaume Fournier for taking the time and sharing with me his life story he shared with me deep situations he shared with me during his graduated years a lot of his friends had suicidal thoughts losing hope do too hitting an age where society sees  you where your suppose to  have a family been settled with a home and a set career. He faced a difficult time while completing his masters degree feeling so hopeless and just making it so impossible for him to just finish that last touch he remembers how his dad simply couldn’t believe such thing so one day his father went in his room and started be his coach to guide and bring him up from this hole he believes in form for us to succeed we always need to have a coach a mentor to help us not to  feel alone .   

My last interview I focused on was in religious believes I felt I needed to hear a religious point of view on suicide thanks to Mrs. Perez for helping me and sharing with me her religious believes and as well her ways of seen this particular topic suicide. She starts telling me We have so much courage before God and we are so important to him and he loves us with everlasting love. And gives us the love of God. Given eternal life. God loves them so much that his son died for us. Mrs. Perez shares with me a few bible verses I find very touching. The first one was  John 3:16 “because in such a way I love God the world that He has given His only begotten Son so that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life.” John 3: 8 “He who practices sin is the devil. The enemy the end of devil.”  As you can see a religious person believes it is a sin but with complete full faith we can heal with spiritual connected to Jesus Christ.  Going through all my interviews was very interesting seeing different points of views of each one of us on are believes.   

Why do humans kill themselves? Each day people go out into the workplace, school, or some sort of other activity and experience the threat of failure. We all know that life is sometimes enjoyable, usually routine, and almost always difficult. We experience happiness and joy along with contentment and love. Much of our life is also taken up by the routine, everyday, and emotionally neutral actions of life. Then on the flip side there are the negative emotions that we feel like sorrow, shame, humiliation, fear, dread, defeat, and anxiety. When we digest these negative emotions psychological anguish and disturbance can be the result Regrettably, some people live in a state of constant disturbance. This disturbance is sometimes caused by physical pain, but usually psychological pain. Psychological pain is the main contributor of suicide. Psychological pain is not the same as bodily or physical pain. It is how you feel as a person; how you feel in your mind. It refers to how much you hurt as a human being. It is mental suffering; mental torment. Suicide is never the end result of joy or contentment. Pain by its very nature makes us want to stop whatever action we are doing or escape from it. Most of the the time people who kill themselves are very sick with depression or one of the types of depression illness, which occur when the chemicals in persons brain get out of balance or become disrupted in some way. Healthy people do not kill themselves. A person who has depression does not think typically like a person who is feeling good. Their illness prevents them from from been able look forward to anything in life. They don’t realize they are suffering from a treatable illness and they feel  that they can't be helped. Seeking helped may not even enter their mind. They do not think of the people around them family or friends because of their illness . they are consumed with emotional, and many times, physical pain that becomes unbearable. They don’t see any way out. They feel hopeless and helpless. They don’t don’t want die, but it’s the only way they feel their pain will end. It is a non rational choice. Getting depressing is involuntary no one asks for it, just like people don’t ask to get cancer or diabetes. But we don’t know that depression is a treatable illness. That people can feel good again.

After visiting a psychiatric hospital, it was simply incredible the way their patients that got admitted to a psychiatric hospital and do not end up committing suicide end up relieving their own stress as well as their loved ones. Unfortunately, patients and doctors are increasingly seeing hospitalizing defeat in the last report.  So why do people avoid talking about suicide? I believe the main reason people don’t talk about it is because of the stigma surrounding the topic. People who suffer from depression are afraid that others will think they are “crazy” which is untrue. They simply may have depression. Unfortunately, society still hasn’t accepted depression illnesses like they’ve accepted other diseases. A good example is alcoholism – no one ever wanted to talk openly about that and now look at how society views it. It’s a disease that most people feel pretty comfortable discussing with others if it is in their family. They talk of the effect it has had on their lives and different treatment plans. Everyone is educated on the dangers of alcohol and substance abuse prevention. As for suicide, it’s a topic that has a long history of being taboo- something that should just be forgotten and swept under the rug. This is why people keep dying. Suicide is so misunderstood by most people and the myths are permuted. Stigma prevents people from getting help and prevent society from learning more about suicide and depression. If everyone were educated on these subjects, many lives could be saved. So what effects of suicide on family members and loved ones? Suicide is devastating and the effects of suicide on family members and loved ones of the person who has died by suicide can be severe and far- reaching. Those left behind by suicide are often known as suicide survivors and while this is a very difficult position in which to find oneself, it is possible to heal and move forward.  Learning that a loved one has died by suicide can absolutely be traumatic. In addition to all the feelings that anyone would feel about the death of a loved ones, when the death is a suicide, it is absolutely traumatic. In addition to all the feelings that anyone would feel about the death of a loved one, when the death is a suicide, there are additional feelings in  my experience I felt extreme guilt not knowing how to have prevent the situation I felt failure because a person I loved felt unloved and wanted to commit suicide I felt extreme anger and resentment against  my own loved one wanting  to end their life I was confused and felt so lost about the situation .

In conclusion, remember you are not alone and can face and fight anything in life that gets in your way. There is people in our society experiencing the same challenges that perhaps you are facing. People may commit suicide because of a mental illness, depression, and traumatic life experience. Most families will react negatively to suicide such with anger, confusion, guilt, and resentment. What I learned during my process was suicide is a serious topic that we need take in hand by speak up and taking this mental illness to consideration and stop ignoring it. I see now that I am not alone in this world. There are many people facing similar stories as I one day faced. When I first started my research, I was not sure of facing this topic, but now I feel inspired and hope to be a motivation to people facing difficult situation.

Work cited

http://afsp.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/2016-National-Facts-Figures.pdf

http://www.medicinenet.com/suicide/page2.htm

https://www.netflix.com/

https://www.nami.org/

http://www.electronicbookreview.com/thread/fictionspresent/easy

by Katie Cappiello, Meg McInerney, Jennifer Baumgardner (Preface by), Carol Gilligan (Afterword)

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