#stop eating cockroaches raw you gross old fuck
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Okay why is he lowkey giving
#cracken whispers#villains☺️☺️☺️#am I tripping!!!#love me some insane old cunts <33#stop eating cockroaches raw you gross old fuck#manifesting the power to draw this good one day
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I love Free Day because it means I can do Whatever I Want and I get to rb it to tucweek along with the incredible art pieces and insightful analysis other people have made and mine’s just, like, TUC as vines.
Anyway. Here’s the definitive power ranking of all minor characters* in the Underland Chronicles. It's quite long, because I tried to use every character.
Icarus
-this DUUUUDE. This GUYYYYY. SUCKS!
-“uh-oh looks like I’m infected with the plague better fly directly into a social gathering”
-would be an anti-masker probably
0/10
Reekwell and Gushgore
-Fangor and Shed part two, but unfunny this time.
1/10 y’all suck give me Fangor and Shed back
Purvox
-Purvox is apparently a beautiful red spider who teaches Hazard how to “speak” Spinner. That’s cool.
-that’s it. Why did Suzanne even feel the need to name her? I’m grateful for the extra details but
2/10
Ajax
-mean.
-nobody likes him
-this is probably why he gets on so well with Solovet
-some sort of flier general, it seems, which is pretty cool
2/10
Hero & Kent
-twins, I guess that’s fun
-they’re only like eight but they still Smirk Evilly. Good for them
2/10 just because there’s 2 of them
Anchel & Daphne
-some randos Keeda mentions as dead. They probably had some sort of significance to be mentioned by name but We’ll Never Know.
2/10 RIP though. I’m sure you’re worth higher than this but I don’t even know who you are
Horatio
-crony #1
-has a crush on Dulcet. Didn’t we all
3.5/10. Boosted solely by association with Dulcet
Marcus
-crony #2
3/10
Wevox
-thought her name was Weavox until I began writing this post
-sort of “Was Margaret Thatcher a Girlboss?” vibes
-“As it is, Vikus, we will not drink. Web them” is a RAW line and it bounces around my head sometimes
-the spiders are clearly very crafty about their political relations but she was not going to hesitate for a MOMENT to consider the ramifications of killing the monarch of Regalia and we gotta respect that
-docking points for the girlboss thing, though.
4/10
Stellovet
-queen of insults you gotta be honest
-had an INCREDIBLE amount of impact for only having like three lines. I remember being like 11 and reading so many fics on Fan Fiction Dot Net where she was a scheming villain
-funny how Luxa thinks her endgame is just becoming a princess. She doesn’t care beyond that she just wants to be royalty
4/10
Chim
-baby
-ok she’s 5
-doesn’t do anything but look confused and help provide a gateway for Howard to look like a good person
5/10, for years of life. What’s even your name? Chimney?
Andromeda
-she’s good. She is an Absolute Beast when she crosses the Waterway with Howard and Mareth, definitely saved Mareth’s life
-loves Mareth very much :)
-shuns Ares at first but comes around, we still gotta knock her for this though
5/10
Clawsin & Bloodlet & Ratriff
-Some folks who go to Ripred’s side, Clawsin gets blinded from the Bane, Ratriff gets his arm ripped off by the Bane, it is what it is
5/10 collectively
Reflex
-man’s got jokes
-very helpful with the code
-shoots streamers of silk around the room when they break it
-came to Regalia secretly... secretly to whom? The spinners? The gnawers? Whatever, he’s a rebel either way
-I had to look up his name though, so apparently not a lot of impact. Sorry Reflex
5/10
Treflex
-announced he was joining the quest, then IMMEDIATELY died. Yes king give us nothing
-made a good snack? Gross.
5/10
Cevian
-the scene where they find her body is beautifully written and so heartbreaking. She’s the catalyst for the entire fourth book
-gives Aurora the opportunity to make her first ever big impassioned speech. It’s what Aurora deserved
-still, she doesn’t get any dialogue so I can’t vote her super high
5/10
Euripides
-seems nice
-always described as “Vikus’ big grey bat,” never just big bat, never just grey bat
-tells Luxa to teach Gregor how to ride a bat because his neck is getting bruised lol
-nice of him not to embarrass Gregor though
6/10 speak up for yourself, king
Pend
-takes Boots back to Regalia after the moth brings her to the crawlers’ land
-Vikus recognizes him by name which is really impressive since crawlers look pretty homogenous, although we are told Vikus is better than most at picking them out. Still, Pend is probably a high rolling crawler.
6/10
The scorpions
-I know I’m supposed to be doing named characters but they’re pretty cool. The passage they’re in is a really fun read. Mad respect
6/10 I’ll see y’all in Scorpio szn, baby
Razor
-showed SHAME and GUILT in the first book when he got called out by Ripred
-raised Pearlpelt as if he was his own. In payment, Pearlpelt knocked him off a cliff and then tried to eat him to hide the evidence
6/10
Fangor and Shed
-funny dudes.
-apparently constantly drunk
6/10
Gox
-Gox got shit DONE, okay? Gox got shit DONE.
-would eat your carcass without a moment of hesitation. It’s fine.
6/10
Hermes
-this guy is great!
-brings Luxa her crown
-gets seriously injured while protecting Lizzie on their way to Regalia
-might be dead tbh no one ever says
7/10
Keeda
-okay listen. Keeda’s great. Keeda is that warrior at the Battle of Marathon who ran all the way back to Athens to report their victory and immediately die, except Keeda was reporting that the gnawers were about to invade
-listen I know she was dealing with some other stuff, but Vikus asks, “how many rats?” And she says “many. Many rats” ??? No estimate? “An army?” Whatever. We give her a pass.
7/10 RIP
Pandora
-FUCK
-her death was possibly the MOST disturbing passage I’ve ever read. I could see it so, so vividly in my head. Man I remember the horror
-she just wanted to explore
7/10 but also 2/10 for emotional trauma
Queen Athena
-ICONIC one-liner in Curse of the Warmbloods, absolutely demolishes the gnawers over their treatment of the nibblers
-I’m really biased towards her because Athena is my favorite goddess
-probably could’ve done more for Ares, especially as seeing she’s supposed to be perceptive and a really good judge of character and whatnot
7/10
Daedalus
-flinches in fear when Boots says she’s gonna sing a for him, specifically
-basically pledges his life to Lizzie in the event the Code Room is attacked so that’s very nice
7/10
Heronian
-she’s in a full body cast, but that will not stop her.
8/10
Susannah
-can we talk about how she lost both of her siblings and she just keeps trucking along?
-REALLY wish we knew more about her
-clearly Very Kind. Can you please ask your daughter to be nicer
-takes really good care of everyone she comes across :)
8/10
Min
-creaky old cockroach dance
9/10
Frill
-was cool
-taught everyone the marks of secret
-taught Hamnet about pacifism and stuff too
-I get the feeling she was wayyyyy more important to Hazard and Hamnet and their survival than Gregor’s narrative really dives into
9/10
Mr. Cormaci
-nice man. Gave Gregor quarters.
10/10
Gregor’s grandma
-cool lady, you can’t deny!
-tells Gregor he can’t outrun his issues
-has a super cool quilt
-who IS Simon???
10/10
Scalene, Euclidian, Root, Cube, and Newton
-felt obligated to include all these kiddos because they are, in fact, named, even though none of them get any dialogue or anything else for that matter, really
-Scalene was a little nibbler pup that found her mom in the Arena, Euclidian and Root are two more that the mom was looking for, Newton was one that no one claimed but some other guy was like “any of us will take him” which is :’) but also, so, so sad.
-Cube was the pup Luxa named that ended up in the pit in the Firelands
-Scalene and Newton survived a genocide and Euclidian which is baller any way you swing it
10/10
Tick
-:( :( :(
-the selflessness.
-I shipped her with Temp when I was 8? I can’t answer for that
10/10
York
-LMAOOOO this guy’s a LEGEND
-7 ft tall.
-fights with a zweihander.
-says fuck, canonically.
-hosts hundreds of nibbler refugees
-very loving uncle to Luxa, helps her learn how to rule
- his exasperated affection towards Howard when he finds out Howard stayed in the Firelands even after he got sick was very cute 10/10
Honorable mentions: Perdita and Dulcet
Their roles are too big in the last book to be included in this list, but these ladies both get a 10/10.
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