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#sorry for being so depressing all day oof ik i already said it before but it's been a rough couple of months
daz4i
ยท
8 months
Text
i know aging isn't the end of the world and 24 isn't that old and life isn't a race etc etc etc. however,
#i think a big reason i feel so bad abt being this age is ppl told me this is when things start to get better
#and i still feel the same way i did as a teenager so. well. is it really ๐
#(being on t probably isn't helping but it's been over 3 years already so... not an excuse i think)
#but I'm also physically aging like the reason i barely upload selfies anymore is i see myself getting uglier every day
#despite fighting for my life to at least take care of my face and hair...... can't fight the passage of time ๐
#+ ofc. my (younger) friends being way more sorted out than i am on every level
#again ik life isn't a race but. it can't help but hurt to know I'm still behind literally everyone i know
#and my excuses for that aren't even good. bc other disabled ppl my age are also more sorted out than i am
#other depressed ppl other borderlines other autistics etc etc. hell these are also my irl friends ๐ญ
#and it's dumb. bc feeling like i wasted my life isn't really pushing me to change that now. just makes me want to die even more
#(bc i mean what's the point. i will never catch up. I'm still at the starting line AND i move so slow it doesn't even count)
#(i don't have a single milestone ppl my age have not even finishing high school which is like. the bare minimum)
#(and it sucks bc i also know i have potential i KNOW i can do shit in theory i know I'm smart and got skills. but i can't put it to use)
#(and now this is turning into less of a thing abt age and just generally me talking abt how i wasted the last 24 years)
#this was more of a stressed rant abt how I'm turning ugly and feeling super old but well. it all boils down to self loathing at the end ๐
#vent
#negative //
#ask to tag
#sorry for being so depressing all day oof ik i already said it before but it's been a rough couple of months
#(nothing happened my brain just needs to get flushed down the toilet ^_^)
#edit: i think. part of my panic about aging. is bc as a kid i was used to being the youngest everywhere
#i was the youngest in my class bc i started school a year early. i was the youngest in acting school bc they don't normally accept teenagers
#and in addition to that as an adult but before starting t i was always told that i LOOK young too
#but now ik i look like I'm in my 20s. and it's killing me that i aged this much in so little
#i wonder if shaving my beard will help but i don't wanna get misgendered ๐๐๐ and rn it's the only thing guarding me from that
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