#sooo many mixed feelings abt this one u guys im so sorry | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mooodyblue · 2 years

Text

square | austin butler x gn!reader

summary: your own insecurities stopped you from confessing to your best friend before it was too late, leaving you to wallow in your own sorrow.

WC: 1.6k

warnings: angst, gender neutral reader, a bit dialogue heavy tbh, loneliness, mentions of anxiety and depression, friends to lovers? all over the place if im being real

notes: making my austin fic debut!! im contributing to the few non-smutty fics out there so hopefully this doesn't flop lol heavily inspired by square by yerin baek may contain mistakes as i didn't bother proofreading this one, sorry y'all. wrote this at a cicis and was like yeah lemme upload it before i change my mind and delete it

masterlist | send a request or say hi :)

sometimes you wished you weren't so closed off when it came to your own feelings. especially when it came to austin. that deep feeling of anxiety was what continued to stop you anytime you came close to revealing your true feelings towards him. especially now that he has a girlfriend, who he's been seeing for a few months now. you liked her, she was nice but part of you knew she didn't like you. could you really blame her? all he ever did was text or call you. after filming elvis, he was always with you and now that he has a girlfriend, it feels like nothing has changed.

you'd known austin for quite some time now. he was introduced to you through a mutual friend and grew close with eachother immediately. nobody knew you like austin did and just that alone made you fall in love with him. whether it'd be you having a panic attack or just having an awful day, he'd rush to your side and make you feel better. if only he could be by your side 24/7. he may as well be.

so when you've found yourself at a get-together that austin would be at, you prayed you wouldn't run into him. it had been a couple days since you'd seen him, but you hadn't been up for seeing him. insecurities and worries were clouding your mind, you just weren't doing too great and didn't want to admit that to austin. you didn't even know why you came to this place, maybe for the alcohol or just to get out of the house. you'd been glued to your corner on your phone, occasionally saying hi to friends you hadn't spoken to in awhile before they ran off to their other friends.

"well well well." a voice said in front of you.

you looked up from your phone, part of you dying inside at the tall figure now in your personal square in the corner but flashing him a quick, welcoming smile. "hi austin"

"you been avoiding me? haven't seen you in forever." he leaned next to you against the wall, invading more of your personal space.

"i didn't see you! honest! i didn't even know you were here." you lied, shoving your phone in your pocket. "i think you would know if i was avoiding you."

he crossed his arms, "which you were definitely doing-"

"-which i was definitely not doing!"

austin sighed and grabbed your arm, "c'mon." you let out a small whine as he pulled you outside, away from the large crowds of people. he sat down on one of the steps, pulling you down next to him. "what's going on?"

you hugged your knees slightly, shrugging. "just been busy."

"it's a good thing you don't act cause you are a very bad liar."

you scoffed. "you play in one huge movie and suddenly you've gotten cocky?"

austin let out a small laugh as you shook your head at him. you both sat there in the cool air for a few moments in silence, just taking in eachothers conpany as you gathered your thoughts. you didn't have enough alcohol in your system to really admit what's been bothering you, but you had to tell austin something. anything.

you scooted closer to him and rested your head on his shoulder. he wrapped an arm around you, rubbing your arm gently. "you don't have to tell me anything. just know i'm here for you." he said softly.

that was the problem. nobody had ever cared for you like austin did. you felt undeserving of him sometimes, especially at times like this. you hated how nice he was to you and how he always knew the right things to say to cheer you up. you hated all of it. it made you love him even more. why love what you can't have? when austin got a text from his girlfriend asking him where he was, he gave you a final hug, told you to call him later and left you there alone on the steps, a feeling of relief overcoming you. you went home that night and cried yourself to sleep, not even bothering to call or text austin.

there had been many times in your friendship where you'd hinted at liking him. you definitely wished you had just been open about how much you adored him instead of just beating around the bush. you'd send him silly little love songs that reminded you of him, often joked saying 'we may as well be dating' and even acting heartbroken when he told you he had a girlfriend saying 'b-but i thought we were dating!' yet he still couldn't take a hint. now here you are, glued to your bed, refusing to look at your phone and gluing your eyes to netflix all day. watching other people being in love knowing how unloveable you felt was comforting at times.

austin was nice enough to give you your space after the party a few days ago, which then turned into weeks. you'd never gone this long without talking to him. but you couldn't bring yourself to answer his texts and he knew better than to show up at your doorstep. you wished he would though, but assumed he was too busy with his girlfriend to put in the effort. your phone lit up with another text from austin asking if you were okay and how worried he was about you. another text of his going ignored as you went back to your show.

just as you were about to doze off, you heard your doorbell ring. letting out an annoyed mumble, you slipped on your house shoes and a hoodie before making your way to the door. it was ringing nonstop, like it was being pushed repeatedly. "jesus, hold on!" you yelled and glanced outside the window. your eyes widened at a disheveled austin, glancing at you sadly. "what the fuck." you opened your door, austin throwing himself on you and holding you tightly.

"i was so worried about you." he said, voice deeper and more tired than usual. you pulled away from him to get a good look at him, frowning slightly. "austin-i-are you okay?"

"she broke up with me."

"oh, god. i'm sorry. c'mon, i'll get you some water." you closed the door behind him as he took a seat on your couch, face in his hands. "i tried, i really did."

you grabbed a water from the fridge and handed it to him before sitting next to him. "what happened?" you felt bad for austin, really. you'd neglected him for weeks all while he was having problems with his relationship and you were the one person he wanted to talk to throughout all of this. you felt awful, but you were glad to be there for him now at least.

austin began picking at the label on the bottle nervously, hands shaking. "it always feels like people leave me, am i not loveable? why can't i hold a relationship?"

it was ironic, you having the same feelings in regards to austin. it was the reason why you had been avoiding him all this time. "you know that's not true, austin."

he refused to look you in the eye, still making a mess of the label. "why've you been avoidin' me? if it's not true then why won't you talk to me?"

"i-" you sat there silently, looking at the floor. this wasn't the time to admit your true feelings to austin, but you couldn't come up with a better reasoning. "austin-"

"d'ya know i used to be so in love with you? like-god." he sighed and placed the bottle on the coffee table, glancing over at you. "moving on was so hard. i just-i wanted to be with you. i think that's why she broke up with me. because of you."

your jaw dropped, leaving you speechless.

"this whole time-i just wanted you. it's always been you. been so worried about you these last couple of weeks, just wanted to come over and hold you for a few hours. i wanted to take care of you but i thought you were mad at me about somethin'-"

"austin. are you serious?" you interrupted. you leaned back on the couch, laughing softly.

austin looked at you with his brows furrowed, slightly annoyed at your sudden mood change. "whats so funny?"

"i must really be a bad actor cause i've been throwing hints at you for the longest time." you laughed again.

"hints?"

"austin, i've been in love with you for years. when you got a girlfriend, i was devastated. i didn't know what to do, i thought you were gonna leave me."

austin turned to you, bringing a leg up to the couch. "i would never leave you. are you kidding?" he took your hands in his and held them tightly. "after everything you and i have been through? hell, after everything i put you through? i mean c'mon, i could have asked anyone to sit through all of elvis's movies with me but i asked you instead."

"surprisingly not that bad."

"right?" austin chuckled then shook his head. "no but seriously, you mean everything to me. i can't lose you." he stood up and pulled you up. he hugged you tightly before placing a kiss on your forehead, smiling and leaving his arms wrapped around your waist.

you placed your hands softly on the sides of his face, locking your eyes with his. "let's go to bed, yeah? we can finish this in the morning."

"i'm all yours, baby."

#austin butler #austin x reader #sooo many mixed feelings abt this one u guys im so sorry #also send in austin requests !!!

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morningmarionette · 4 months

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THIUGHTS ON THE GUILD GO! I loved them sm they were my fav faction and all the characters make me deeply insane I am WAITING for them to come back they have to asagiri set up too many plot points not to bring them back. Sigh. my favs r lucy n poe n mitchell n hawthorne n steinbeck but I like all of them

Omg omg okay i LOVE thr Guild I spent like 30 minutes last night trying to predict the different Guild members because Autism. (I FUCKING LOOKED UP MARk TWAIN BC I WAS LIKE U CANT HAVE AMRRICAN AUTHORS AN NOT HAVE MARKY YKW??? LIKE HES LItERALLY BROUGHT UP IN EVERY SINGLE LIT CLASS IN AMERICA BRO and nothing came up OU IM SO MAD)

BTW, I tend to use a first name basis with authors btw theyre actually all my best friends i know them on a deeper level (my mom said that i need to seek help today, this is what happens when all yr friendships are superficial as a kid methinks)

anyways. here are my thoughts:

Mr Francy Pants (Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald): i wasn't too opinionated on him til I learned his ability (like i said we need to stop letting white ppl get rich bro...) and then i was like i need this guy dead and then i learned his motive and i was like oh my god hes literally just a guy he wants nothing but to mAKE HIS WIFE HAPPY OUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH so he slays actaully i hope hes alive :((

Louisa May Alcott: LOMLLLLLLLL i love little women so im extremely bias towards her but wtv when Francis was going on his lil rant abt owning her and everything i was like woah now careful abt how you speak to my girl

Nathaniel: Lord....forgive me...... HES SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FINE OH my GODDDD Nathaniel was made for the girlies with complicated relationships with religion i fear (ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME )

Margaret: love me a woman who dresses like that okay but im fairly certain the actual woman was racist soooo kinda mixed feelings?? but the character is amazing and perfect (ignoring the restoring her family's honor.........) and i actually loved her accent lol it was southern enough to be southern but not too southern to be fake lol southern accents actaully arent always there for my area lol they come and go and are stronger when angry/ come out stronger on certain words or phrases loll

Lucy: OUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH seeing that she got caught PAINED ME LIKE NOOOO ATSU WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ABLE TO GO AND SAVE HER BUT NOW I FEAR HES FORGOTTEN IN ALL THE EVERYTHING GOIONG ON OUGHHHHHHHHHH

Anne is SOOO Cutie Pie too btw and I love that one she looks like Anne of Green Gables (obvi) BUT ALSO Raggedy Anns!!!!!

Marky Mark: HES SO CUTE ACTUALLY ???? I love his "im just here for the fun of it" attitude that was rlly nice AND HUCK AND TOM ARE SOOOO CUTE and i love the fact that hes a gunsmith despite im pretty sure the book characters he brought to life and real life author being like these scrappy lil southern boys lolll i like that they didnt go the kenji route with him and have him be like a (read this in a southern accent btw) lil farmer boy with good intentions for everyone :D type character !!!!!! love him 10/10 scrunkly

John Steinbeck: his grape thing freaked me the fuck out the first time he did it i was so thoroughly gagged like...... hes cute but in term of design he and Francy look soo similar I got tired of these basic ass white men sorry TvT (looking at them made me feel like i was watching hetalia again LMAOOO) hes scrunkly poo too tho and i love his quirk (mha gagged with quirk im sooo sorry)

Lovecraft: He rlly puts the love in Lovecr....Im gonna stop there sorry :( that sounded jsut as bad in my head LMAO I LVOE HIM i love the fact that him turning into Kraken is just. smth he can do. not his quirk hes jsut like that. (okay actually he didnt write Kraken so idk what the fuck he turns into but he just like me fr) i love his absolute apathy to everything he rlly is sucha girl like he just wants to sleep fr !!!! he had empty eyes and long lucious hair and thats enough to make me love you so i literally DONT CARE bout NOTHIGN ELSE !!!! 10000/10 hes so fine omg....

Melville: hes actually so chill. i like him! he had honor and standards that he upheld himself and i heavy respect that! going down w yr ship is like the easiest way to gain my respect cuz that troupe >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

AND LAST BUT ABSOLUTELY DEFINETELY NOT LEAST:

Edgar Allan Poe:

do I, Dorian Nico di Marionette (my legal Tumblr name), even need to say anything about how much I love this man. I'm not even just talking about the bsd character. I'm talking about the actual author too. He's literally so cool. Like so cool. He came, he lived, he fucked around and found out, and he died!!! He is literally everything I wish to be. Cool, Autistic, Mysterious, Silly. And now specifically the character: I love his need for praise bc ME tOO. I love that he had given himself ONE PURPOSE and that purpose was to beat Ranpo and give him the mystery of his life like yes girl devote your entire being and existence to that ONE (1) man !!!!!! (me) (we need help)

i love that he has a pet Raccoon esp since the general agreement is that he died of rabies like...... ( i personally think he was murdered but idk... ijust feel like someone didnt like him bc he accomplished alot and they probably couldn)

he and ranpos lil friendhsip warms my lil heart to like................... like i said in my tags they remind me of Hikaru and Kaoru in a way where their world was "us" and "not us" and like they are the only ones who can keep each other on each others toes and constantly getting better and giving the ultimate form of praise (theres nothing like getting praise from someone in your field of work, esp someone that you regard as "better than you") and thats so.......... (and if i say codependcy (I WILL PUSH CODEPENDCY ON EVERYTHING BRO I NEED TO SEEK HELP))

anyways these are my excessive thoughts i need help lol

#mari answers !!#mutuals :>#tia tag 🩵#bsd 🗞️#this was osooo fun omg i love answering asks I WIH TUMBLR GAVE MY NOTIFS ABT THRM !!!!

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