#sometimes we don't have a choice but to keep going. ⟹ verse; early days. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

antisatiric · 7 months

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[ CHANGED ] - a scene from my muse's past that represented a turning point in their life

The pale figure smiles, but it doesn't really comfort Sam, whose throat and chest still hurt from coughing up water. There's a haggard, tense silence that passes between them, only Sam thinks he's the only one that can feel how uncomfortable it is.

"Hello, Sam." The figure says.

"Don't call me that," Sam shoots back instinctively, though the response is given more out of fear than hostility. He knows how close to home he is still. If the cops are around, looking for him, he can't afford for them to hear. He lies, "That ain't my name."

"Your protests are irrelevant. I know what your name is. But if you do not want me to call you by it, I won't."

The assurance eases Sam in a strange way. His savior is strange, but he'd respected that request, and he did save Sam's life. That, he figures, must count for something. At least, it should mean that he'll put more weight on the stranger's continued presence.

"Who are you?" he asks, not disrespectfully.

"You may call me 44," answers the stranger. "I'm an angel."

"Angels don't exist."

44 laughs, but the sound is wrong, fake. It reminds Sam of the sorts of people who'd laugh just to be polite, only 44 doesn't look so awkward about it. Instead, it's just like he's laughing 'cause he thinks he should. It's a little frightening, but it's not more scary than the things he's running away from, so Sam doesn't feel on edge.

"It's true. If angels existed, we'd be a hell of a lot happier."

"That," 44 begins, "is a very generous interpretation of the nature of angels. Moreover, it depends on your particular teachings. They may not be undeniable forces of all that is good. In some interpretations, they simply exist in a way that is incomprehensible to the residents of Earth."

"Whatever," Sam says, because talking about religion makes him uncomfortable. "Why'd you pull me outta the river?"

"I was interested in you." When Sam's face contorts into a more wary expression, 44 lets out a robotic laugh, and continues speaking. "I watch over most beings in this universe. Individuals with a sense of curiosity pique my interest. I'd like to offer you a job."

"No thanks."

"Alright. But you'll die if you refuse."

"What?!" The deadpan delivery of the statement makes Sam skeptical, but there's something about 44 that pushes him to believe the claim. "You can't kill me!"

"Why not?"

"Because---I'm wanted. And there're cops lookin' for me everywhere. And you'll get arrested."

44 laughs again. "I'm an angel. And either way, I won't kill you. The water will."

"But you pulled me outta there," Sam insists.

"I pulled you out of there a moment too late," 44 corrects. "It was through my will and connection that the water flushed itself from your lungs. If that connection is severed, it will return, and you will almost certainly drown."

"That's sick. You're sick. Don't fuck around with me like that."

"I'm not."

It's a ridiculous statement and situation, but Sam has an inexplicable and unshakable faith in the truth behind 44's words. He can't help but feel a sense of hatred for his savior---even if he'd changed his mind and decided while down there that he didn't want to die, it probably would have made him happier to die on his own terms. Now...

Now, it's up to this guy when and where I die.

That's right. Because before anything else, the river had instilled in him a fierce desire to live. It might have made other people balk, but Sam's face steeled itself resolutely, filled with a newfound determination.

Maybe it's 'cause I wished real hard for someone to save me that someone came and saved me. So what if I could die later? I'll probably die before I'm 20 anyway.

"What's your job?" he asks.

"It's a simple job that won't require much from you. I want you to collect stories," 44 explains. "Specifically from people who guard them closely---who refuse to write down their recollection of events that have happened to them."

"Okay," Sam says, because he can't do anything but agree.

"Of course, I'm not uncharitable, so I'd be happy to compensate you in addition to saving your life. I appreciate your pleas for help and safety and admire the desire you have to continue living, so I've supplied you with the means to protect yourself. I believe, owing to your family's circumstances, you might be familiar with that kind of thing."

"... A power?" Sam asks, trying not to sound hopeful. "What'd you do to me?"

"In simple words, you'll be able to bring life to stories temporarily. I would suggest experimenting with some books when you find the chance," 44 explains unhelpfully. "In addition, I'll allow you one request of your own from me, though my abilities are limited, and I won't grant the request to be freed from this arrangement without the penalty of watery death."

Of course not, Sam thinks, but he doesn't say that.

"I want a friend," he blurts. "I---I don't wanna be alone out here."

"A friend?" 44 asks, looking surprised. It's the most emotion he's seen out of the 'angel' so far. "Alright, then. I'll see what I can do."

scenarios. / accepting.

#a story repeated word for word exactly as i heard it. ⟹ ic.#i think that what you're askin' for just might make things worse. ⟹ ask.#sometimes we don't have a choice but to keep going. ⟹ verse; early days.#starwonderz

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believingicanlv · 6 years

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25 Years. . .

It was exactly 25 years ago today, when I heard a loud knock at the door. It was bright and early, a few hours past midnight... Who could it be? As I gained my composer and realized, I knew then and there who it was; it was them. US Government officials in pursuit of my best interest.

Shipping date had arrived and there I was. Saying my good byes to one of the most loving woman I knew. As the tears streamed down my face, I knew in that moment, it was going to be the first day of the rest of my life.

Within hours, I found myself at the Los Angeles International Airport, ready to board a plane with less than a hand full of dollar bills and the clothing on my back, of which the colors and descriptions, I’d never recall.

There was no turning back, no phone call to make, not a familiar person in sight. Perhaps a emergency rescue was not in the cards tonight. I boarded a flight heading straight for Orlando, Florida. You see, Orlando was home to, US Navy Training Command and thousands, upon thousands, of un-rescued recruits in pursuit of each and everyone of their own best interest.

“Join the navy you can see the world.” “Join the navy you can obtain a college degree." "Join the navy and become a leader." All these propositions seemed so promising, but really? What’s it gonna take?

A whole lot of COURAGE, a whole lot of courage and a whole lot of LOVE in my heart for my fellow man. A LOVE I didn't know I had. Easy day, you say? We’ll let's just check it out, case the property, access the scene and report back with our list of does and don'ts. Not so much.

The rude and obnoxious greeting, upon arrival to recruit training command - shocking to say the least. How dare they treat me that way; how dare the hurry me along. Upon walking off a chartered bus, how dare they refer to me by my last name and a number... simply a number. I recall asking why would this become so important. How could anyone possible identify me by a number? Was my height, weight, stature, appearance, clothing, description, gender, enough? Was I enough?

I knew in that moment I would set out on a quest to prove them wrong. I was not going to be reduced to merely a number. Something must be wrong and how and when was I going to find the opportunity to correct them. This all had to be a joke. To my dismay, I wasn’t going to be correcting them anytime soon. So, I had to convince myself, one way or another, we (me, myself, and I) were going to make it through.

Quickly we acclimated to the abrupt and what appeared to be intimidation at the 10th degree. It was in this moment I knew I made the biggest decision of my life. The decision to put myself last.

In the Bible, Jesus talks about being last. He said, "if you want to be first you must be last." At this time I had no concept of selflessness and couldn’t figure out why anyone would sign up for this dog and pony show. Regretful and ashamed at how seemingly foolish I was at the time of enlistment, I knew there was no turning back. We’re in the navy now.

So, every minute, I mustered the COURAGE for the next step, one right after the other, day after day and year after year. As hard as it was and amongst all the bickering and fussing of the 80 other women that had made the same poor choice, I recognized that 25 years later, some good things were worth fighting for and I knew I had to dig deep, way deep, to perfect this reality of being a United States Sailor and far from perfect I was.

I graced myself through, with the help of the Almighty, year after year. Recalling, memory after memory of the why and the how. Why this and how am I? I sensed a feeling of contentment as the years passed...a semi-tolerance for the intolerable. This perfection in me grew closer and closer to the reality of imperfection and a spirit of resilience resonated within me. This resilience, I learned as a young girl.

The challenge of being separated from my loved ones and navigating life essentially on my own, was new. However, the lessons I learned at a very young age were steadfast. They stood as pillars in my life and came to fruition in moments when I needed them most.

This “loving women” I made mention of, taught me that “LOVE” was not a “thing." LOVE had a name and His name was Jesus. I might have believed she was the most loving woman I knew, but very quickly I learned, this LOVE would never leave me. This Jesus had His eyes set on me from the moment I entered the earth. Scripture says, “be STRONG and COURAGEOUS. Don’t be afraid or terrified because of them, for The Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6. As each day passed, I held onto this promise.

Being in youth Bible studies and attending youth group, camps and functions, also built a desire within me to learn scripture. One of my favorite scriptures in the Bible is Philippians 4:13, which states, “I can do all things through Christ who gives me STRENGTH.” I have held on to this verse for decades. As far back as I can remember. Little did I know, it would carry me through one of the most challenging times of my life. Philippians 4:13 stands as a pillar in my life today; so much that I have dedicated my life to BELIEVING that, through Christ, I and YOU CAN too!

Because I had a heart bent for Jesus, I found myself meeting and associating with like minded people. One of my best friends today, is a woman by the name of Lisa, who I met the day I checked into my first command at Pearl Harbor Hawaii. I was fearful and she was there. She was there to introduce me to my new home, away from home and ease the process of acclimating to Navy life. Lisa and I had a common interest in our LOVE for Jesus and built a friendship, which lasted many many years. Today Lisa and I have remained close and enjoy each others company often. While in the Navy, we shared stories about our faith, our families and our dreams. Together, we encouraged one another and stood in the gap for each other. I’m convinced the Lord allowed our paths to cross because He knew we would need each other.

While serving, I would draw the Lord into each and every circumstance. I remember, a prayer I prayed for my loved ones, before each and every meal. A simple yet profound prayer, “Dear Lord, thank you for this food and please keep all my loved ones in your tender loving care, amen." This prayer was prayed a million times and I am grateful for His grace and mercy.

Have you ever been challenged with adapting to a change in culture? Have you ever been forced to adapt to a change in lifestyle? Have you ever had to leave home, knowing you were leaving all of your loved ones behind?

In the beginning, as the tears streamed down my face, I couldn’t imagine I’d ever be able to tread these waters, but drawing from the lessons I had learned as a child, holding on to the promises I knew to be true in the Bible and allowing myself to build meaningful relationships, made all this possible and some.

Before I knew it, I was forging ahead and building, day by day a long, lasting, meaningful and rewarding career in the US Navy. Something I wouldn’t change for the world.

If you're faced with a challenge and you aren't sure if you can take that next step, I’d LOVE to encourage you through prayer. Will you pray with me?

Dear Lord, before we were born, you knew exactly what roads we’d travel and you knew the challenges we’d face. We are asking you, today, to be near our dear friend and comfort him/her with peace, as they take that next step. Help them make sound decisions and to seek you first in all things. We trust your hand is in the details and we know you will never leave us or forsake us. Guide us along life's journey and soften our hearts to be sensitive to what your will is for each and every one of us. We thank you for walking with us and standing, as our pillar in our feeble soul. Sometimes we don’t have the exact words, but we know that you know our hearts cry. Thank you for what you have done and for what you are doing in our lives. As the scriptures say, “you work all things for our good….”. We LOVE you and we praise your holy name. In Jesus name, amen!

Thank you for joining me in prayer and I encourage you to take the very next step; a step into a life of abundance, even when it seems hard. God is greater than any hurdle, obstacle or challenge you will ever face.

In Christ, I’m Believing I CAN and so CAN YOU!

Claudia Moser

#believingican #socanyou

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antisatiric · 7 months

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[ FORGED ] - a scene from my muse's past that they think made them stronger in the long run

His hands were shaking.

The woman, no longer under knifepoint, didn't even scream---she ran the second she could, locking eyes with Twain for only a short moment. He could tell she was afraid of him too, and he didn't blame her. Facing a loaded gun, he'd probably be afraid too, even if it was on his side. Especially if, as it had just now, that gun had taken a life.

Well, he'd taken a life. There wasn't any point in beating around the bush---that was where the shaking originated. His body had understood that fact before his mind had the wherewithal to react to it.

He lowered the gun once he was alone. Some part of rationality in his mind told him to run; someone would have heard the gunshot, and it was likely they'd have called the police. Even if he could argue the guy with the knife had been going for him, he wasn't supposed to be carrying a gun. The thought of going to jail terrified him.

He didn't move.

He'd killed a man.

The idea should have brought him into a crisis, but he was thinking surprisingly coolly. It wasn't that he believed the man deserved to die---he just didn't feel horrified. Even the shaking, it wasn't from fear. His heart was beating fast only because he couldn't believe what he'd done.

I'm okay.

It was a repeated mantra as much as it was a realization. Twain really was okay. He swallowed a lump in his throat and took a few steps back, looking over the man's body.

He felt nothing for the nameless man. The thing in front of him that had once been a person---he'd ended that story, and he'd probably never get to learn it at all. All the corpse was now was another part of his story; another 'event' to recount to the generous angel who'd saved him. That perspective probably should have made him feel guilt, but it didn't.

Things happened this way 'cause of bad luck on his part. That's all.

Thinking a callous, morbid thing like that, he turned tail and darted out of the alley, heedless of the people who might have seen him; he'd be out of state by morning anyway, and it wasn't likely anyone would miss a guy like that.

scenarios. / accepting.

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antisatiric · 7 months

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send STRAINED for a scene from my muse's past in which they interact with someone they have a difficult relationship with

"Hi, Henry."

Sam doesn't look at his brother. He doesn't really want to---Henry always looks about as mad as Pa, and even though Henry's said he'd never be like Pa, Sam doesn't really believe the things he says anymore. Pamela had told him that he should make sure not to trust the things Henry tells him to do as much as possible, but he's seen the things Henry can do, and he isn't sure not trusting him would be enough.

Henry's never used it on him, but Sam has seen the way even a quick 'I didn't have anything to do with it, you should ask Sam' can make Pa turn around and yell at him in just a few seconds. The worst part is that he doesn't blame Henry. If he were Henry, he'd probably do it too.

"Hell's wrong with you?" Henry asks, voice about as hushed as Sam's had been.

Sam assumes he's talking about the bandages and blood, so he replies, "I was at the river today."

Henry puffs out a short, exerted breath of air in reply. He probably doesn't approve of that, but both of them know he doesn't really have a right to tell Sam not to go there because it's dangerous. If it were Pleasant or Benjamin or even Pamela, he'd probably listen, but Henry's just as bad as Pa when it comes down to it. He doesn't really care about how well off everyone else is as long as his own skin's alright.

The worst part, defintiely, is that he blames Henry least of all. It's a little hard to understand when everyone else in the house tries to be nice to him, but he gets Henry being mean just as well as he gets the back of his hand.

"You missed dinner," Henry says.

"Had a piece 'a bread."

"That's not dinner."

"What'd you have?" Sam shoots at him, and Henry looks away.

"You should go to bed."

"Don't wanna." Sam curls up tighter on the couch. "I gotta walk past Pa's room."

"Sleep with me and Orion."

"I don't wanna."

"Fuck yourself, then," Henry mumbles. "See if I ever do anything nice for you."

Sam bites his tongue to prevent himself from saying anything. He wants, badly, to bite back, but he knows what Henry can do. He sometimes even thinks Henry might like it---he almost wishes Henry liked it, so he'd be a whole lot harder to forgive.

But Henry sighs and trudges down the hall to his room, in the opposite direction of Pa's, and Sam knows he's just wishing. It's hard to like anything, here.

scenarios. / accepting.

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