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#so like honestly at some point ya boi might just peace out ive been on this platform for 7 entire years. i fucking graduated highschool
letgraysonsheart · 4 years
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(me: googles acrobatics, realising i know nothing, writes yogaposes instead. I’m not perfectly happy myself with how it turned out, and its probably not exactly what you had in mind buut i really wanted to finish and post this for you @sassydefendorflower​ since ive been very slow asfkjdl)
Jason stares up at the cave roof, consciously having to refrain from biting his nails. Digging them into the palm of his hands instead, where no one can see, he lowers his gaze to the rocky wall instead. Having yet to grow comfortable in the manors downstairs, even if he’s visited multiple times since coming back alive, the jitteriness that’s quickly spreading in his body doesn't come as a surprise.
It’s so very different from how he used to feel before. Before everything besides Robin. The cave had been the only place where he felt really alive. Now just the memory of it makes him feel a little sad, but that's an emotion he'd rather pack up in a quaint little box, stove away and never look at again.
He’d rather focus on how his nerves are on high alert, not that he has any choice, and how he’s going to deal with that without having a meltdown. All he wants is to book it right out of there. But he can't. He needs the intel the cave-computers offer, and to access it he has to wait while Tim updates... something. He isn’t sure. The replacement was already doing it when he arrived and Tim had insisted that he couldn't quit now that he had started.
For a few seconds, he watches Tim enter and leave windows, typing a little here and there, too fast for Jason to catch what he’s doing from where he's standing a few feet behind him. Not that he’s actually interested.
It’s forcing him to be in the cave longer than he planned, which is really fucking annoying. For every sound his ears pick up he fears that it’s Bruce descending down the stairs from the manor, and he really doesn't have the spare energy to deal with that.
“He knows you’re here,” a voice rings out, and he looks towards the gym-part of the cave. Dick’s standing there, looking at him, dressed in sweats and a tank top, his hair tied into a very small ponytail with a few wild strands stuck to his forehead with sweat. “Bruce won’t come down, you can stop glaring at the stairs.”
Jason shrugs, not confirming nor denying Dick’s suspicions.
“You’re so tense I can feel it from here,” Dick continues. Jason glares at his brother, which receives him a very immature eye-roll back.
“I’m just waiting for the brat to finish whatever he’s doing so I can get outta here,” Jason answers, a little protective, “The bastard refused to send it to me.”
“Sensitive information,” Tim comments, not even turning to look at them but apparently listening in to their conversation.
“Hey, less listening, more working,” Jason barks at the younger, and he sees the muscles in Tim’s back tighten, the rhythmic tapping on the keyboard coming to a halt.
“Stop yelling at Tim, Jay, get over here. I need help with something,” Dick butts in, probably to stop Tim and his conversation before it escalates.
Jason doesn’t particularly want to do anything. Then again, he’s also rather tired of standing right up and down being stressed. So a little reluctantly, he finds himself walking over to the gym mats. When he over, Dick’s sat down on the mat, hands pressed against the ground behind him as support.  
“What’d ya need?” Jason questions, looking Dick up and down. The older looks funny, placed so far down, and looking up at him with his big blue eyes. Way too trusting. It makes Jason feel a little uneasy.
There’s a new scar, Jason notes, just under Dick's hairline and barely healed. He can't remember hearing anything about Dick getting hurt, so it probably hadn't been serious. Then again, they rarely bother to tell Jason about what's going on if it doesn't directly affect him, so who knows.
“Could you help me stretch? I just need a little bit more of a.. force,” Dick says, grinning, bringing Jason out of his thoughts. “I can help you afterward, you seem to be in desperate need of it, with how pent up you’re looking.”
“Hah, no,” Jason replies with a dry laugh, even though he doesn’t turn to leave. Watching Dick jump up onto his feet, Jason figures the older is looking much too bright for someone working out in the cave.
“Come on, at least help me out. I’ll need it before patrol tonight,” Dick argues. Jason wasn't even aware Dick was there because of a patrol. He'd just figured the older was there to hang out or something, seemed like a Dick-thing to do.
Before he gets the chance to ask about any of it, Dick has already bent down and grabbed him by the middle. Jason almost gets hit in the face by the back of a stray foot, coming against his face much too fast. Only because of his trained reflexes does he manage to grab Dick’s leg, just above the ankle, but he still startles a little.
“Now, come on,” Dick says, and Jason can feel the back of the older's head pressing against his underarm, thankful Dick doesn't mention anything about his reaction. Keeping their peace, for now. “Drag my leg towards you.”
Jason does as told, careful not to pull too hard or too fast. He’s almost a little disgusted by how flexible Dick is, and how easy he makes it look.
“Is this another one of your yoga moves?” he finds himself asking, his thoughts drifting to a different time, years ago. He feels Dick’s muscle stiffen a little, his leg almost jerking out of Jason’s hold.
“Didn’t think you remembered that,” Dick says, making a move to wanting to be let up, and Jason lets go, watching Dick straighten. The first Robin is looking at Jason with something in his eyes Jason isn’t sure if he likes or not.
Shrugging as an answer, because he does remember, no point in lying, he lets Dick study him. It hadn’t been a regular occurrence, but sometimes when Dick showed up at the cave while Jason was Robin, they’d work out together. Dick had been happy to show him some moves, lecturing him on the importance of stretching and strengthening your agility with glee.
The two of them would always end up doing wacky, very unserious, poses. All of them were always surprisingly hard and had them laying on the mats laughing, toppled over in a pile of limbs, more often than not.
Sometimes Bruce would come over and study them from the side, and Jason could remember spotting what he had suspected was fondness on the older man's face.
It had been nice, even Jason could admit that, but it’s also something for the past. It won’t be like that again, ever. Not between him and Dick, and certainly not between him and Bruce. There's been one too many deaths for that. Now the memory just leaves him with a bitter aftertaste, and the thought of Bruce studying him as he trains.. just- no.  
Dick bends down again, and this time Jason is prepared for the leg coming up, helping Dick stretch his other side too.
“Come on,” Dick grins when they're done with the stretch, any weird look from before hidden behind a mask again. "Let’s do one, just like we used to.” He’s already grabbing Jason, pushing him down on the mat, leaving little room for argument. Jason, because why the hell not, he's already there just waiting around, kicks off his boots and drops his jacket on the floor by the side of the mat.
“What about the one where we both bow down, and one leans their feet against the other ones back? Like a double bridge. That’s fairly easy,” Dick suggests, then looks Jason up and down, as if he’s judging whether it will work or not.
“I am not leaning my whole weight on you,” Jason states deadpan, “you’ll break like a twig.” He can feel Tim’s eyes on his back and pushes down the urge to yell at him again.
Sighing, Dick rolls his eyes again and plants his hands on his hips, “honestly, does everyone think I’m all flexible goo and no muscle?”
Sending a glare in Dick’s direction, Jason is already starting to regret his decision. He won't dignify the golden boy with a response either. There is no doubting Dick is strong, Jason knows that, but he is still quite a few more pounds heavier than Dick. And bulkier. They’re of very different body types, see.
“I think it would have been great, defying gravity and all that, but I guess I can let you be the foundation,” Dick relents. “Do you remember how to stand?”
He tries to ignore the itch he gets from Dick watching him as he bends down, feeling a definite pull in some of his muscles.
“Remember to keep your back straight,” Dick says, but it’s not a reprimand, just encouragement. No ill tone.
Jason feels rather ridiculous, standing there, like a human triangle. The blood is rushing to his head, and his socks are threatening to slip against the mat. Should’ve ditched them too.
He hears Dick move, and soon enough there’s a pair of feet resting on his lower back, basically his hip. “I assume you remember the importance of breathing?” he hears Dick say, and it makes him take a deep breath, almost without thinking.
Dick’s feet move, the pressure disappearing from his back, and Jason sits down on his knees.
“Okay, let’s sit down in front of each other,” Dick commands, not even asking if Jason is interested in continuing, but he does as Dick says. Might as well humor him, now that he’s started, and the sound of Tim's fingers on the keyboard is still going strong.
It’s a little awkward, he finds, suddenly sitting so close to Dick and looking right at his face. He busies himself copying Dick’s pose, his knees drawn up against his chest, so he doesn’t have to look directly into the other's eyes.
“Now, reach out your arms like so,” Dick stretches his hands out, waiting for Jason to do the same. Biting his lip he hesitates for a second before lifting his arms.
“Mirror my hold,” the older continues, grabbing Jason around his wrists in a secure hold, watching as Jason copies it.
“Okay, now we’re going to press the bottom of our feet together, and then move them while keeping them together,” Dick says, already starting to move his feet toward Jason's.
“We’re gonna what?” Jason asks, already fearing for his legs and knees. There’s no room for them to stretch their feet straight forwards, which can only mean they’re going to go upwards.
He doesn’t even know if his body does that anymore.
“Let’s do one foot at a time,” Dick suggests, pressing the bare toes on his right foot against Jason’s sock-clad ones. Dick then starts pushing both their feet upwards, and Jason lets him. He finds himself grateful that he’s wearing agile pants because man, it pulls more than he wants to admit.
Their feet are about face-level when Dick starts moving his other feet, forcing Jason’s up with it too, their knees still slightly bent.
“Let’s just try to get them as straight as possible, the feet don’t have to be completely straight lines, it’s not supposed to hurt,” Dick says, voice calm and comfortable. To his own surprise, and perhaps Dick’s too, Jason lets the older press their feet further up, again much like a triangle made up of their feet and the floor.
Their hands are still clasped together, he can feel how Dick’s are slightly clammy from having worked out, but still, the older's hold is strong and not suggesting that he’s about to let go any time soon.
“Now, we’ll breath,” Dick says, and Jason watches Dick close his eyes momentarily, taking a deep breath. Jason himself tries to let go of the still nagging itch to bite his nails. His back is towards the stairs now. Bruce might come down and Jason may not hear it. The elevator is behind him too, out of eyesight, he might miss the sound of it arriving in the cave. Bruce might suddenly be standing right behind him without Jason having any time to prepare.
He has no idea what he would do if that were to happen. Probably punch something or more likely; someone. And then run.
Just as Jason is about to break his hold on Dick's arms, his fear almost becoming too much, Dick opens his eyes, bringing their feet down again and releasing their arms. He watches his older brother opens his mouth to speak -
“Now, for the n-”
“I’m done now,” Tim exclaims, interrupting Dick, whose face turns into a scowl directed over Jason’s shoulder.
Jason hears the sound of the wheels on Tim’s chair squeaking against the floor as the younger pushes away from the computer. When Jason turns to look Tim is already up from the chair, looking much like he’s planning to leave the cave.
“As I said for the next-” Dick tries again.
This time it’s Jason who interrupts, already pushing himself up off the mats.
“No way, Goldie, I just humored you because I was sick of standing around,” he huffs, brushing away imaginary lint from his pants. “I’m gonna go get my intel now, and then head out."
Suddenly hit with what the hell he is doing, where he is, almost forgotten in sappy nostalgia, makes him feel jittery to leave again. It’s like a sledgehammer to his heart, kick-starting his anxiety.
He ignores the look on Dick’s face, something he can’t properly decipher, as the older man also gets up on his feet again.
“Come on Jay - it’s almost like old-”
Once again, Jason stops him. “Don’t,” he states, feeling anger blossom in his chest, prickling like he swallowed a cactus. “Don’t say that. Don’t even try.”
“Jason,” Dick tries, voice too soft.
“No, I’m getting my intel, and then I’m leaving,” Jason tells him, already throwing on his shoes again, pulling his jacket up off the floor. “I thought I’d made my distaste of this place perfectly clear,” he continues as he turns towards the computers, refusing to meet Dick's eyes.
From the corner of his eyes, he can see Tim getting into the elevator, not sparing either of them a second glance.
Jason stomps over to the computer, falling heavily into the chair Tim had been using only seconds ago. With a huff, he turns it on, slightly irritated that Tim even turned it off in the first place. His fingers tap impatiently against the table as he waits for it to boot up.. Freaking replacement, always trying to be as annoying as possible.
There is the sound of someone moving behind him, maybe Dick continuing his workout. As he types in his login, that for some reason Jason would rather not dwell on Bruce never removed, he tells himself that he couldn’t care less. Sending it to himself, Jason finds he doesn't give a shit about what Tim or Bruce says about sensitive information and security risks. Fuck that.
He needs to get out of there, asap.
So he hits send, deletes all traces of what he's been doing, and shuts down the computer as soon as all that's done. For a second, he stares at the dark screen, contemplating leaving a surprise for the next person who tries to use the computer. Then the sounds of Dick moving around remind him that he’s not alone which sets him in motion again.
The walk over to his bike is barely controlled, he’d much rather prefer to run, but that would be a little embarrassing. Grabbing his helmet laid abandoned by the front wheel he presses it over his hair. Thankful for the security it gives him, he climbs onto his self-built Red Hood bike.
As he starts it up, the rumble of the motor fills all of the cave, hopefully so loud that they can hear it up in the manor. The u-turn he takes as he starts up is so fast and hard his tire screeches against the floor. It's bound to leave marks, and that is so worth burning the expensive tires for. He's sure it'll annoy Bruce to no end.  
Jason never glances at Dick through all of it. He can feel the older’s eyes on his back though, following him as he speeds out of the cave. Even as the weight on his shoulders lessens with every meter he puts between himself and the cave, there is a new weight in his heart that he can't quite pinpoint.
Figuring it’s best to ignore it until it disappears, he presses the bike to go a little faster. He hopes it’ll be a long time until he has to go back to the cave again. For now, getting the hell out of there has to be enough.
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isaacathom · 4 years
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ive come to the conclusion that logging onto tumblr at like 11pm (i closed it bc of lectures and then just didnt reopen till now) was actually a mistake yall fucking depressing, jesus
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survivormarmoreal · 5 years
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Episode #12: "FUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuoooouuoock me." - Maynor
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Well. Looks like Bryce wasnt trust worthy at all. I can only have annabelle but we dont talk too much. I need to win immunity or my ass is gone next.
I definately need to win this immunity if I want to regroup. A even bigger fire in me wanting to play even more aggressive. Ive been passive. Now I dont really care who goes. Except for Annabelle ❤️. Im going to try and throw wrenches in their plans and try to get someone from their side out.
I’m on 230. Idk what my goal is going to be but i think im going to stop around 2pm so i can go back to 1 before 5pm deadline comes. I really need to win this immunity. 😰
Update. I am now at 500 for the number. Its barely noon. Idk if i should keep going or start to go back down to one. I just hope im the furtherest from everyone else. I would die if i dont win.
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I feel so terrible. like that Nathan vote was the hardest thing I have had to do in this game so far. He betrayed my trust a lot. But I really got along so well with him. And Nathan deserves better. Ugh. Like Brian and I literally feel gross. And now I have to do damage control with Anna and make it seem like a last minute switch when actually it was me being a terrible person and plotting all round against one of the nicest players ever. I'm feeling rough and this season is getting really tough.
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Well I am still here! I am honestly shocked that I am, but I will TAKE it gladly! Maybe I will stop being the target now cause nathan is gone (we shall see though, I feel like Bryce and brian are now HATED by Maynor and Anna) which will be nice. I now have the lovely (....) distinction of having the most votes cast against me in celestial history. and ALL Since the merge started lmao! I really am a magnet for votes huh. I feel good, might have to be rude to someone to get a target off my back though so uh maybe bitch boi matt will make a return at some point? We shall see
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its so awk trying to talk to annabelle bc 1 she doesnt talk to me but more importantly idk what to say like. she feels betrayed but sharkys the one who threw nathans name out NNN she should be glad if it were up to me shed be in ponderosa right now ASFKJADSHFKJS. idk like i literally just forced a convo with her so i could confront her about leaking to sharky and she just ghosts. i want DRAMA. i want TEA. and yet nothing. maybe instead of doing the most i should be doing immunity but counting is literally so anxiety inducing and daunting JKHDAFSDKJFHKJ. anyways 6th is cute too
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FUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuoooouuoock me. I got to 626 to pay my respect to Stitch and i mess up gojng down from 323 and put 321. I never wanted to cry so bad. I wanted to scream into the void. I cant even with this challenge. I restarted and back at 404. Its 1:25 and deadline 5. Hopefully itll be enough time.
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OK, so I definitely won't win immunity, but I tried to do well!  I don't think my submission will be good enough, but I can hope and pray it is!!  I don't even know if I fucked up, but I don't think I did... so hopefully 317 is the number for me!!
In other tea time news, Nathan... ya... um... when you see this I want you to truly understand how heartbroken I am at what happened.  I knew with all the strong-minded gameplay and trust you had in me that we would've been final 2 given the chance, but I also think that what threw me off was Annabelle's constant tea spilling at Sharky and the fact that your closest allies (aside from myself) were her and Maynor, who I like but have little to no actual game relationship with.  In addition, your desire to take out Matt every single round of the merge?  Wig.
I also found out Bryce was the other Matt vote during the merge vote... so... wow I'm powerful....
According to me and Bryce's plans in this game, ideally, Sharky will go this round... but after sending home Nathan last round, my whole ass heart is on some different shit.  I just feel like me doing that would be another rough ass round, and I don't think I could handle it.  It was easier when people like Nick, who annoyed me on a game level, were the names being thrown out, especially with how cocky he was... but now I'm like... wow, these people?  Amazing.
I think Sharky winning immunity wouldn't be too bad because then I can finally push Annabelle out and won't have to worry about her, so I'm banking on that!  I don't wanna ruin Bryce and I's plans in this game, I just feel more confident sitting with Sharky than like anyone else.
I also think my relationship with Maynor is so much better, and I can actually work with him further down the road.  He sketched me out a lot in the past, but I really think it's a solid ally for me if I can get him passed this round.  Annabelle or Sharky are the ideal targets, but I'm really feeling an Annabelle vote this round.  I may not be in the best spot for immunity this round, but I know I'll have my A-game on and ready next round, so I'm READY.
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I was doing so well in this challenge. I had like 900 and I screwed up. Now I'm feeling the pressure. And I keep messing up. Now I've got less than 3 hours to make it up and hopefully finally win something. Brian told me he did not do well. And I don't want anyone else to win because it will limit our options going forward.
I'm over it. I screwed up HARD. And now I have like no time to recover. I'm over it.
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I decided to go back to 626. And at 2:41pm i was able to get back down to 1. Im happy but i really hope that was enough because if it wasnt then im going to cry. I really want to win this. Stitch my favorite please give me luck. 🦑
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last round was so risky i hope it doesnt just get me 6th. i tried to get together with anna again and i think we are but maynor not so much which sucks but as long as brian is real with wanting to keep me i should be good imagine if it was fake and he wasnt really taking me to the end NNN adsjkfhadskj the gag of the season? but ugh sharky really wants me out again like maybe get a clue and stop.
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That was upsetting. But Bryce did really well so I applaud him. Its most likely going to be me tomorrow night. It sucks but i can at least try and see if i can find a way to stay.
There is some hope. Annabelle and I want to make it a tie with Matt. And when its rock time, Brian or Sharky hopefully get the odd color and they are sent home. Thats the only play right now that I think can save me. I have to rely on Bryce who i dont trust at all anymore. But kind of have to if i want to survive tomorrow.
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i'm down for some mutual destruction this vote. I hope that this pays off or it could totally fuck me over but it is what it is if this works out i'll take this as like a win for nathan and i'll  be in a much better spot i think. wish me luck <3
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I WON IMMUNITY PPL CAN TRY TO COME FOR ME BUT THEY CANT SURE MAYBE I PLAYED BAD IDK I HAVE BAD SENSE OF SELF WORTH BUT MAYBE I DID PLAY WELL BUT MAYBE I DIDNT BUT U KNOW WHAT IS TRUE AND FACTS!!! ME WINNING THIS IMMUNITY. BRIAN DOESNT WANT TO VOTE SHARKY ALL OF A SUDDEN WHICH IS SKETCH BUT NOW THAT I HAVE IMMUNITY IM NOT AFRAID OF VOTING SHARKY AND HOPING ANNABELLE AND MAYNOR VOTE WITH ME IM TALKING IN CAPS BC IM SO EXCITED MY STOMACH WAS LITERALLY A MESS ALL DAY BC OF HOW NERVOUS I WAS COUNTING UP AND DOWN AND SEVERAL BREAKDOWNS LATER I WON WOOOOOOOHHOOO IT REALLY IS BRYCE HISTORY MONTH!!!! anyways yaa i hope f5 is me brian matt maynor anna and that brian is real one and uses vote steal there so we auto have immunity but maybe i try to win immunity again anyway to make sure im safe.... but then at f5 i think anna has to go but she'll be so mad idk maybe maynor.. or  maybe matt whomst knows KJASDHFKJS but wooh in this moment... i am at peace
Im convinced annabelle is like a marine biologist or something with how much she loves sharky! i just want him out KFJASDHFKJ i love being pushy jk i literally hate it but i just want him out its not a lot to ask and i feel like im getting played idk but at this point my loyalty is to brian so if he betrays me its like w/e NNN just hoping itll work out maybe i comp my way into a losing finalist spot... anyways i just got into dear evan hansen again so love that renewed obsession
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The Fajita Fellas are actually a solid alliance. I know I've been skeptical of Bryce in the past but I'm actually starting to trust him which is cool. HOWEVER it's also an issue because if I'm going to keep trying to save Anna it's only going to get harder. I'm hoping this vote will be easy squeezy. I told the FF that Maynor is easy and least likely to have an idol. They seem good with that. So...we'll see.
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I am very nervous for tonight. I am 2 of the options for Sharky, Brian, and Matt to do. Annabell and I are throwing each other under the bus to them. But our plan is to vote Sharky and hoping have Bryce with us and cause a tie. And on the revote hope one flips on Sharky or we go to rocks. And hopefully Matt or Brian get the rocks.
The vote is me tonight. If plan goes according to it should be 3 vote sharky and 3 vote me. Im really hoping they flip on sharky or that Matt or Brian get rocked out. 🤞🤞🤞
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So this vote seems so simple, its like kinda amazing for once. Last tribal had so much deceit and lying to get Nathan out and this tribal is like. so. quiet? you could literally hear a pin drop. Maynor and Anna seem like they have legit given up trying to get further, with both apparently voting for the other. How quiet it is is making me slightly nervous, but I do know that if i do somehow leave i am very proud of my game I have played. and I will have the same placement as Standrea so like nothing could be wrong with that huh?
The vote ties, 3 votes Maynor and 3 votes Sharky.
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Im died. It worked but now here is hoping for matt or brian to flip. Im scared n excited.
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bro... wtf. Can I say I am mad at Bryce? no not really I saw this coming from a mile off, hell even from the other side as the Atlantic. so like mad? nah? Its just... making me so sad. Like I REALLY DO NOT want to go home, i've been through too much to get to this point. But like,... I REALLY love sharky as a person. Like, I love him loads so this is a REALLY hard decision. Fuck my life I don't know what to do
I HATE REVOTES. SO. MUCH. i AM REFUSING TO TELL ANNA ANYTHING cause i like know she will immediately run to sharky and if I am to flip I am gonna tell him first not let him hear via Anna cause that is fucking SHADY. she's just pissing me off tbqh and its just like??? at least be cordial and get off invisible for fucking once
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i think the plan worked? it was so awk trying to talk to matt i felt bad but i hope he understands he said he did so! and like... idk its just so hm idk idk. hm. like brian and matt both prob gonna flip wooh. matt said i played well so maybe i did like i tend to never think i played well but maybe i did but maybe hes just lying so KJFSDHJFA wooh
BRIAN IS THE SKETCHIEST PERSON IVE EVER PLAYED WITH I JUST WANNA GO TO THE END WITH HIM BUT HES LITERALLY BACKSTABBING ME I WANTED HIM TO JUST 4-2 SHARKY BUT NO HE WANTED TO MAKE IT GO TO ROCKS TO FEEL BETTER OR WELL GO TO TIE NOT ROCKS AND NOW HES LIKE SORRY SHARKY HAS TO STAY LIKE NO HE ACTUALLY DOESNT HAVE TO STAY IF U VOTE HIM AND ANNA STOPS BEING FAKE AND TRYING TO KEEP HIM WHEN HES DONE NOTHING BUT LIE TO HER AHHHH THIS IS SO FRUSTRATING SJDKFHADSKJFHSDKJF DSHFKJADSHFKJADSHFKASJFHKADSJFHADSKJSKFHASDKJFHASKJFAHKJFS ps: i love everyone in this game... but in this moment? i was ATTACKED
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It’s almost about that time. 20 more minutes. I am very nervous. I hope that Bryce and Annabelle stick with me and hope Matt or Brian flipped if not then at least go to rocks. Im really hoping that this move works. But this final 6. I ❤️ Annabelle. ❤️ Sharky. ❤️ Brian. ❤️ Bryce. ❤️ Matt. They are all awesome.
Brian is rocked out.
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