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kusunogatari · 5 years

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[ ObiRyū October | Day Thirteen: Drug Issues ] [ @abyssaldespair ] [ Uchiha Obito, Suigin Ryū, Hoshigaki Kisame ] [ Drugs, vomit, vulgarity ] [ Verse: Make Ends Meet ] [ Previous || Next ]

It’s not like she isn’t used to it. Every day at work, Ryū typically sees at least one person suffering from substance abuse. Their city runs rampant with opiod addiction, let alone everything else being peddled. So the fact that Obito was a user didn’t really surprise her in the least. If anything, his is one of the most understandable cases she knows. The car accident that disfigured him left him in painful shambles. Of course he’d been prescribed something that strong for the damage.

And then, well...clearly things got out of hand, as they are wont to do.

So far, Ryū hasn’t really confronted him about it. There was their brief discussion of his addiction a few weeks after they’d gotten together, but...well, it had been rather inconclusive. Obito hadn’t agreed to go to any sort of detox or rehab at the time. And she doubts he will any time soon. His way of life just...doesn’t really have room for it, she supposes.

For the most part, she leaves the subject alone. He functions...fairly well. There are times where he goes a bit beyond managing his pain and instead gets himself high as a kite. But that’s not always just the oxycodone, either. Ryū has always been the sort to see substance use as each person’s personal choice. It’s their body and their decisions. But...well, part of her still worries about the effects it all has on his health. She loves him, after all...and she’d rather not lose him.

Overall he still seems to be in decent health. A stable weight, no seizures, and only the occasional nausea and headaches when he goes overboard. And Ryū knows well that pushing for rehabilitation when it’s unwanted can cause a bit of...tension.

But eventually she knows they’ll probably have to have that conversation again.

Sitting and watching a movie one evening after work, Ryū startles as the door flies open. Obito staggers in, clearly out of it and not even closing it behind him. Before she can ask what’s going on, he takes up the little garbage can by her front door and vomits into it.

Ryū can’t help a cringe.

Once he’s done heaving up his guts, Obito pants and wipes at his chin. “...sorry…”

She just watches him, seeing him go rinse out his mouth in the bathroom. “...again?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Just…” She sighs, legs drawn up to her chest as she sits in the corner of the couch. “...you know I worry about you when you get like this.”

“I’m fine.”

No response.

Obito leaves the bathroom, standing in the doorway for a moment. “Would you rather I be all twisted and locked up in pain?”

“Of course not! But it’s not just the oxy, either...you know that…”

His jaw sets. “Didn’t know this was suddenly such a problem.”

“I just worry about you, Obito. Human bodies aren’t meant to take this stuff in. Highs feel good, but...a lot of this stuff is hurting you in the long run. And I don’t want you hurt, I lo-”

“Sorry that I have shit in my life I like to leave behind on occasion,” he mutters. “Not everyone has stable jobs and nice apartments and -”

“Hey! That’s not fair! I’ve got my share of problems. Just because I don’t handle them like -!”

“Forget it,” Obito cuts in. “I’ve got a headache and don’t feel like having a fuckin’ argument with you about this. If you’re gonna preach, I’m out.”

“Obito, I’m not trying to -?” There’s a flinch as he slams the door shut behind her. In the pervading silence, she heaves a heavy sigh, trying to ignore a frustrated sting in her eyes.

Well that was a disaster.

Part of her knows he’s just aggravated because he doesn’t feel well. But she also has to wonder if she’s being too pushy. This is only the second time she’s really brought it up. It’s not like she’s judging him for it! She’s the last person to do something like that. As someone both medically versed and so stupidly empathetic, she realizes how hard something like addiction is to handle. It’s not a sin like so many paint it. It’s a medical condition. One that can be treated. One she’d like to see him treated for, so many he could stop feeling so miserable whenever the drugs make him sick.

No longer in the mood for her movie, she just shuts the whole thing off, remaining curled on the couch. Then a thought strikes her, and picks up her cell.

Hey, Kisame? You got a minute?

What’s up little boss lady?

...Tobi was here. High and sick and...grumpy.

Oh...I take it he wasn’t very polite?

No...I was trying to talk to him about it and he just...blew up.

Not easy talking to him when he’s like that, that’s for sure.

If you see him...could you just...say something?

What do you mean?

I wasn’t trying to...make him feel bad. Or shame him. I’m just worried.

I think he knows that. But yeah, I’ll pass that along. Tobi, he’s got a lot going on. It’s a crutch.

Yeah, I know. But it’s one that’s slowly eating at him, too. And I don’t want to lose him…

Well, I don’t think that’s going to happen. But I’ll try and talk to him.

Thank you...you’re very sweet, Kisame.

You’re gonna make me blush!

Smiling a bit to herself, Ryū puts aside her phone and sighs, trying to think of what else to do. She has work in the morning, and still hasn’t had dinner yet. But she doesn’t have much of an appetite anymore. Worry over what Obito might be up to now - being sick and ticked off - means her stomach is too knotted up to want to eat. Instead, she just makes herself a cup of tea before preparing for bed.

The next morning, Obito wakes with a groan. He ended up sleeping on his apartment floor, rising with a ringing headache. Fighting back the urge to be sick, he scrambles around to get his bearings. A check of his phone shows a message. Figuring it must be Ryū, he scowls and opens it to find...no, it’s not her. It’s Kisame.

You up to meet?

Dark brows furrow. He needs to meet? About what? Racking his brain doesn’t bring forth anything he can think of that would be of concern.

Sure. Usual place?

A minute of silence, and then, Sure. Half an hour?

Can do.

Rubbing a hand down his face, Obito makes and downs a cup of coffee before quickly changing clothes. With that, he heads out. Reaching the docks he typically meets Kisame at, he idles agitatedly, wanting a smoke but not having anything on him.

“Hey, boss.”

Obito glances over his shoulder. “Hey.”

“You look like shit. No offense.”

“None taken. I feel like shit.”

Coming up to stand beside his employer, Kisame heaves a heavy sigh. “Heard you had a rough time of it last night.”

“What?”

“Boss lady was worried and sent me a text.”

That earns a scowl. “She trying to get you to preach to me too?”

“Boss...lemme ask you something.” After a pause to make sure he won’t be interrupted, Kisame begins with, “...how long have you been alone?”

“What?”

“Just answer the question.”

Obito mulls that over, still a bit pissed off. “...I’m never alone.”

“Bullshit. You know what I mean.”

“Tch…” Realizing he’s not going to avoid this, Obito mulls that over. There was his wreck...then Rin’s suicide. Then he fell out with Kakashi, and...fell in with Zetsu. From there, it was a blur of meeting and building his current gang. Drugs, murder, stealing...always with his cohorts.

...but that’s not what Kisame means, is it?

How long was he seeking out sex, and ending up disappointed when they left? How many one night stands, how many rough nights when partners went wrong, how many spent alone and feeling like he’d never fill that gaping, bleeding hole in his chest?

Shoulders hunch forward, not wanting to admit the truth. “...a long time.”

“And?”

“And what?”

“And how long have you been with Ryū?”

There’s a glance. He knows well enough by now Kisame only calls her that when he’s being serious. Like when she was… “...about six months.”

“Now, I want you to do something. I want you to think back over all that time alone. And I want you to think about the last six months. What’s the difference?”

Well that’s not even a question. “What are you getting at?”

“What I’m getting at is that you’ve changed since you met her. Maybe not everyone sees it, but...I do. I remember seeing that lonely, miserable, hard glint in your eye. You didn’t care about what happened to you. You cared about money and the rush, and...not much else. And that was fine. It was you, and only you. You did what you were doing because you didn’t have anything else. But that’s not true anymore, is it?”

Obito doesn’t reply, jaw set.

“...you dragged her into this,” Kisame goes on, tone a bit softer. “And she’s put up with a hell of a lot for a civilian. You remember all those times she’s saved your ass? Sat up with you when your doses went bad? When your brain was on the fritz? She loves you. So yeah, she’s gonna be a little worried about you. You already risk a lot in your work. Maybe she just wants you to consider where you can cut down on some of those risks. Cuz before? If you’d’ve died? Let’s face it, we might mourn you a bit, but...it’s our work. We’d move on. In the grand scheme of things, no one would miss you. But now there’s someone who’d be devastated if she lost you. Doesn’t that make you even a little concerned about the mortality rate of your job and habits?”

...no response.

“...I’m not saying you have to change yourself for a lady, boss,” the underling offers gently. “You’re you, and she’s her. You met and clicked because of that. But...I don’t think she wants you to change, either. She just wants to be with you as long as she can. So of course she’s going to worry. She’s been good with you. Good for you. Just...think about that. And try not to mistake her concern for you as a want to change you, eh?”

Obito still doesn’t have any words, just sighing heavily as Kisame claps a hand on his shoulder, offering a farewell. Dark eyes stare out over the water. It’s an overcast day, fog clinging to the surface.

...this life is all he’s known for so long. He can’t change himself overnight. He doesn’t even really want to. It’s all a blur, a cycle of highs and lows, rushes and dissociations. Those highs are what he’s chased for a long time now. Something to make him feel.

...but…

“…I look at you…or I touch you, see you, smell you…and I get that same feeling. My heart races, and my skin feels warm…I feel alive. I feel alive when I’m with you…!”

...is he happy? Has he been happy? What does that even mean, anymore? He’s thought, for a long time now, that risk and reward - the satisfaction of a hunt, or a job - make him happy. They give him that same euphoria as a high.

...but there’s always the crash…

“And I…I love that. I love you. I love you so much that sometimes, it…it scares me. What if you leave? What if I lose you? What if all I have left is the thrills of work? What if they fade? What if I never feel again? What if –?”

In a way, she’s the same. He’s content, and relaxed, and dare he say happy when he’s with her. But then he has to leave. Then the color drains, he’s left back in the grey...and he has to find something else to bring it back.

“…I love you, too. I love you so much…and I worry about you. About your work, and your medicine, and…things like this. I want to help you. And I’ll do all I can. But…I’m not your cure, Obito. I’m a person. I’m glad that I make you happy, but I’m not a replacement for other things you need. I think…it would do you well to talk to someone. Someone who knows more about all of…this than I do. I think it would help you.”

Bringing his hands up to his face, Obito grinds the heels of his palms against his eyes. He doesn’t know what to think, what to do…!

“She loves you.”

“I don’t want you hurt, I lo-”

“Ngh, damn it!” Turning away from the docks, he stalks back toward the warehouses along the shore. He’s getting frustrated, and when he’s frustrated he can’t think. He wants something to take the edge off, something to -

...no. That’s not going to solve this. And maybe he can’t solve it now. This is a hell of a lot more complicated than a few minutes of thinking and then making a split-second decision.

...and maybe Kisame is right. Maybe this isn’t wholly about him anymore.

Resting his forehead against the cool metal siding of a building, he tries to think. Then he takes a few steps, determined to go to her apartment, and just -

...he should text her first.

Taking out his cell, he tries to think of how to begin. He was a bit of a dick last night...ignoring that might just make her angry. But...then again, she’s yet to ever get angry at him. Exasperated? Yes. Frustrated? Definitely. But not angry.

...never angry…

Thumbs idle over the screen for a long moment before he just...takes the plunge.

I know I fucked up, but...can we talk?

Of course, she’s currently at work right now, so...he hardly expects a swift reply. Which is why he jumps so bad when his phone vibrates a few seconds later.

I was hoping you’d say that. I’ll be home by 5:30 - I can bring takeout?

For some reason...the reply punches him in the gut. No snark, no sarcasm, no passive aggressive throwback to his behavior. Just her ever-present patience.

Obito’s jaw clenches, willing back the sting in his eyes.

...that sounds great.

One step at a time.

OOF this one gave me all sorts of feels OTL This verse (which is the same as The Good, the Bad, and the Beautiful) deals with a lot of heavy subjects. Been a while since Meg and I have dove back into it! I miss it, even the heavy stuff. I guess this one mostly speaks for itself...? My brain's a lil fried so extrapolating isn't in my skill set at the moment xD Meg's convinced Obito isn't quite ready to make that rehab plunge, so...I left it open-ended. Beyond that...idk? lol Anywho, that's all for today! Thanks for reading~

#obiryū october #abyssaldespair #uchiha obito #suigin ryū #hoshigaki kisame #drugs //#vomit //#vulgarity //#make ends meet [ au ]

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inukagome15 · 7 years

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The draft of the fourth chapter! I’ve started uploading on AO3 and I have the link below along with the tumblr links for reblogging purposes.

This chapter is entirely focused on Naruto, since otherwise all we’re gonna get is Kakashi training, trying not to drown himself, and moping. Next chapter will feature a return to Kakashi and something other than training.

On another note, writing a small Sasuke is cute? Especially since he was a sweet kid before the massacre. (I’m very glad I’m not writing a 5-year-old Kakashi although the lols would be hysterical because Naruto would just be like THAT’S NOT HOW A FIVE-YEAR-OLD IS SUPPOSED TO ACT.)

Chapter 1 (updated on AO3)

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Finding Sasuke was easier said than done.

Seriously. Naruto would've thought finding one five-year-old in Konoha would be easy, right? Especially if that five-year-old was Uchiha Sasuke. Sasuke was many things, but subtle was not one of them.

Man, if he could use his sage mode, finding Sasuke would be easy. But he couldn't. Because he didn't want to turn into a toad statue.

Damn it, he would need to undergo that training again to be sure that he didn't mess up with gathering natural energy.

But that was in the future. For now Naruto could barely walk on water without falling through every ten seconds. It peeved him that Kakashi had to keep grabbing hold of him so he wouldn't fall when they were having a conversation.

Even his tree climbing was substandard.

Naruto shot the nearest tree a glare.

Maybe it would be easier if he wasn't so tired. He hadn't been getting a lot of sleep lately, and this younger body was used to sleeping more.

Interlinking his fingers behind his head, Naruto turned his gaze up to the blue sky, considering where he might be able to find Sasuke.

The Uchiha district was a possibility… Albeit a possibility that he couldn't get into without his ANBU guards interfering.

Or maybe they wouldn't? They were supposed to be discreet, right? They only interfered if he was in danger.

And the Uchiha weren't going to jump him in broad daylight.

(Cut for mobile readers is here.)

Naruto should check the playground first, though. Just in case. He already had, but maybe Sasuke had shown up after he left.

Nodding resolutely, Naruto broke into a run as he headed in the direction of the playground.

He didn't think he'd ever done so much running around Konoha before, but it was all part of his program to rehabilitate his body and get better. Naruto couldn't yet tell if it was working, but hopefully he'd see results soon.

He needed to get his kage bunshin back so he could really up his training.

Kakashi couldn't do all this alone.

Naruto slowed once he approached the playground, breathing evening out several seconds later. There were lots of kids around, their parents lurking on the sidelines.

Swallowing despite himself, Naruto tucked his hands in his pockets and continued walking forwards, ignoring the looks the parents shot his way once they noticed his presence. The kids didn't pay attention until the parents pulled them aside when Naruto came too close, and then they were also looking at Naruto as if they could determine what was wrong with him.

Like there was anything wrong with him!

They just thought he was the Kyuubi.

Naruto resisted the urge to duck his head, keeping his head up and eyes scanning his surroundings for Sasuke. He would be smaller than Naruto remembered, but he'd still look mostly the same.

But Sasuke wasn't here.

Huffing, Naruto finished his circuit through the playground and settled on a swing, pushing it back and forth with his feet.

Sasuke wouldn't seriously be training now, would he? He was only five.

Never mind that Kakashi had become a genin at five. Kakashi was different. Sasuke was also different, but he was a different kind of different.

…That didn't make any sense even in Naruto's head.

But wait…Itachi was a shinobi already, wasn't he? And Sasuke idolized Itachi.

So if Sasuke wasn't on the playground…would he be with Itachi?

Like hell was Naruto going to be able to speak to Sasuke in private or pull him away from Itachi. He'd have to come up with something.

Eh, he could just wing it.

Note to self, just saying wing it didn't always work.

Although in this case, Naruto had somehow managed to stumble across Itachi and Sasuke in the woods close to the Uchiha district. So…that was a point in his favor?

But now Naruto was faced with the problem of how to approach the two without seeming like a creep.

It could be that he was overthinking it? He was physically five. People didn't think five-year-olds were creeps unless they did something bad. Like kill everyone in the immediate vicinity.

Hell, Naruto didn't think Kakashi had been a creep at five even though he'd been a genin at that point. Obito's memories had shown a really cute Kakashi, even if they'd been colored by jealousy and frustration that a five-year-old was so much better than him.

Shaking his head, Naruto refocused on the rather adorable sight of an awestruck Sasuke watching a very young Itachi nail every target in the area with a combination of shuriken and kunai. Those moves were very flashy…

"Oh cool," Naruto breathed. A second later his eyes widened and he clapped a hand over his mouth in reprimand because shit he had not meant to say that.

Sasuke didn't notice, but Itachi definitely did, his sharp eyes darting to where Naruto was hidden in the bushes.

Naruto froze, keeping his hand over his mouth to muffle the sound of his breathing.

"You can come out," Itachi said after a moment, leaning down to brace his hands on his knees. He was smiling, eyes still fixed on where Naruto was hiding.

"Who's there, big brother?" Sasuke asked, coming to stand by Itachi.

Itachi didn't answer, staring in the direction of Naruto. His smile didn't waver, and there was nothing but warmth in his dark eyes.

Why should there be anything else? This Itachi hadn't had to kill the Uchiha clan.

Naruto couldn't remember how old Itachi was supposed to be right now, but he still looked really young.

Hesitating, Naruto uncovered his mouth, setting both hands on the ground and digging his fingers in the dirt. He shifted to his knees, slowly standing to show himself to Itachi and Sasuke.

Sasuke's eyes widened when he saw Naruto.

"Hello." Itachi's smile widened slightly. "Who might you be?"

Eh? What sort of kid spoke like that?

"Uzumaki Naruto," Naruto's mouth said on autopilot. "That was really cool what you just did, ya know!" His mind caught up a second later, and then he was cringing, scrambling for what to say next. A hand went to scratch at the back of his head, and he grinned sheepishly. "Ah, sorry. You probably don't want me here, huh? I just…couldn't help it."

"Couldn't help spy on us?" Sasuke asked, eyes narrowing slightly.

Naruto laughed, letting his nerves creep into his voice. "I didn't mean it, honest! But that's cool, ya know! I want to be a shinobi, too!" He spread his legs, punching a hand in the air. "Just like the guy that ran me over the other day and then flew across the roofs!" He mentally apologized to Kakashi even as he made the accompanying hand movements to show what Kakashi had done.

Itachi's eyebrows raised. "You want to be a shinobi because someone ran into you?"

"But he was so cool!" Naruto said enthusiastically. "Just like you, ya know! How did you do that?" He gestured wildly to the targets and the kunai/shuriken embedded in them.

"My big brother's a shinobi," Sasuke said, pride in his voice. "He's really good."

"Sasuke…" Itachi rested a hand on Sasuke's head, his smile turning slightly embarrassed.

"It's true!" Sasuke protested, looking up at Itachi in earnest. "You're already a chuunin!"

"Oh, really? That's awesome!" Naruto moved forwards, jumping over the bush he had hidden behind. Then he paused, making himself out to be embarrassed and hoping he was hitting the right notes. "But, er…what's a chuunin?"

"You don't know?" That definitely sounded like the Sasuke Naruto knew, all high and mighty.

It was easy enough for Naruto to reenact what would have been his response if he was actually five, loud voice and all. "Hey, it's not like I know everything, is it! Isn't a shinobi just a shinobi?"

"Sasuke, not everyone knows what shinobi are," Itachi said, mild recrimination in his tone. He turned to Naruto. "Naruto, you said? Shinobi have different ranks: genin, chuunin, and jounin. Genin are typically newer shinobi, those who have just graduated. Chuunin are shinobi who can lead squads. Jounin are the elite."

"And the Hokage?" Naruto asked, hoping he didn't sound too eager.

"The Hokage is entirely different," Itachi said. "He's responsible for leading the village and taking care of the shinobi in it, ensuring the village is protected."

It was such an Itachi-esque answer that Naruto was impressed. The Itachi he had known had been older and tired. This one was young but somehow already had some of that weariness about him. Still, there was a vibrancy to him that hadn't been present when Naruto had seen him last. Although Itachi had been a walking corpse, then, so maybe that didn't count.

But the time before that Itachi hadn't seemed very good either. So the point totally counted.

"So that's the old man, huh," Naruto said slowly, rubbing his chin.

"Old man?" Sasuke sounded offended on behalf of said old man, and Naruto had to resist the urge to burst out laughing.

Itachi just looked reluctantly amused.

"What – he's old, isn't he!" Naruto couldn't resist a grin, though. "But he is pretty awesome!" He looked back to Itachi. "And who're you? That's your little brother, yeah? Sasuke?"

"Uchiha Sasuke," Sasuke said before Itachi could.

Itachi laid a hand on Sasuke's shoulder, smile soft. "I am Uchiha Itachi."

"Cool!" Naruto shot them both a thumbs up. "Like I said, my name's Uzumaki Naruto, ya know! And I'm gonna be a shinobi!" He'd leave the Hokage thing for later.

"Yeah?" Sasuke had a small smirk on his face. "So am I!"

Sensing that a barrier was down that hadn't been before, Naruto darted forwards, keeping only a small distance between him and Sasuke. "So we'll become shinobi together! Like a team, ya know! Like the chuunin Itachi here is!"

Instinctively, Naruto held his fist out for Sasuke to bump, remembering too late that fist bumping was something Octopops had done with him. Kakashi had caught on after a little while, as had Sakura and Sasuke, but they'd never done fist bumping before Octopops.

Sasuke stared at the fist Naruto held out, eyebrows scrunching together slightly. He glanced up at Itachi, whose expression was unreadable. Then, uncertainly, he looked back at Naruto, eyebrows still furrowed.

Naruto shuffled his feet, embarrassment creeping up his spine. He didn't drop his fist, though. He was made of sterner stuff than that. Besides, fist bumping was neat!

Slowly, Sasuke raised his own hand, knocking his knuckles against Naruto's. "Okay!"

Exhilaration coursed through Naruto, and he grinned broadly. When Sasuke smiled back, Naruto's heart quickened its beat.

Mission Find Sasuke and Become Friends with Him was a success!

Naruto hadn't packed any lunch, but Itachi and Sasuke were willing to share some of theirs with him. Minus the fact that there was no ramen and Sasuke's lunch had way too many tomatoes, Naruto didn't have any complaints.

"So you must know a lot of really cool stuff if your big bro is a shinobi!" Naruto promptly took a bite of a rice ball, leaning forward towards Sasuke.

"I…not really." Sasuke's eyes were downcast. "I'm not in the Academy yet, and big brother doesn't want me hurting myself."

"And yet you know how to throw a kunai," Itachi said dryly.

Sasuke ducked his head, rubbing one of his hands tellingly. "I'm not as good as you," he muttered.

"You're young still," Itachi said. "You have time."

"You were better than this," Sasuke protested.

Itachi didn't say anything, but Naruto could see his eyes tighten.

Was this where Sasuke's inferiority had stemmed from? That wasn't cool at all. Naruto didn't want Sasuke to be as bad as he'd been last time.

Yeah, that was Sasuke, but that had also been really screwed up.

"But you're Sasuke, right?" Naruto asked, getting Sasuke's attention. "And he's Itachi! Maybe you'll be better later! I don't even know if I can throw a kunai right." He rubbed the side of his nose, laughing. "So you're already better than me, ya know."

"Hn." Nothing more was said, but Naruto could see a small smile twitching at Sasuke's lips.

Then, surprising Naruto, Sasuke said, "Do you want to learn how?"

"Huh?" Naruto blinked at him.

"Do you want to learn how to throw a kunai?" Sasuke repeated. "I can show you."

"What – really? You'd do that?" Naruto's grin was hurting his cheeks. "Yeah! That'd be awesome!"

Naruto crammed his last rice ball into his mouth and sprung to his feet. Sasuke was more composed, but Naruto could read his body language and Sasuke was definitely excited to teach someone else.

This hadn't originally been in his plans, but Naruto could definitely see how well this could work out. Now he had more of a plausible reason to train like hell if Uchiha Itachi was a friend.

But first, he needed to not be a complete ace at throwing kunai. But not a complete dunce either.

"When are you going into the Academy?" Naruto asked as Sasuke gathered some kunai from the targets Itachi had nailed earlier.

"Next year," Sasuke answered.

"All right!" Naruto took a kunai, deliberately looping a finger through the hole at the end, keeping his fingers away from the pointy end. "I'll join, too! I just have to ask the old man."

Sasuke hesitated, frowning slightly as he looked at Naruto. "The old – the Hokage? Why not your parents?"

Naruto could tell that Itachi was listening very carefully, even if his body language was relaxed. So he shrugged, eyes on the kunai in Sasuke's hand; he copied the other's grip. "I don't know who my parents are. They died during the Kyuubi attack."

"Oh." Sasuke sounded a bit like he regretted asking. "I'm sorry."

Naruto shook his head. He didn't have to fake the slightly pained smile. "Don't be! I bet they were both really cool shinobi! And they helped protect Konoha!" He looked up to the sky, remembering his father's proud face and smile, his mother's warm hug and beaming grin. "So I want to be like them. I want to be better than them!" Naruto met Sasuke's eyes, his smile more genuine now. "And this is step one to achieving that goal! C'mon, Sasuke! Teach me!"

Sasuke's smile was visible, which had always been a rare sight. He held up his own kunai. "All right! This is how you do it…"

Training with Kakashi that night had been an exercise in frustration, Naruto too sleepy to do much other than continually fail at walking on water. Kakashi had eventually called it quits and brought Naruto back to his apartment before disappearing to do his thing.

Although the last place Naruto wanted to be was his apartment.

It was lonely here and far too quiet. Besides, he'd wanted to spend time with Kakashi and catch him up on Sasuke and Itachi. As it was, Naruto had probably managed to blurt out half of what happened in-between falling and inhaling water.

Kakashi had seemed more amused than frustrated at Naruto's lack of progress, which was easy enough for him because he'd gotten the hang of tree and water walking in no time.

Naruto should try to sleep, though. He hadn't been getting a lot since coming back in-between training with Kakashi and the nightmares.

Rolling over onto his side, Naruto curled his knees into his chest, bringing his right hand up. There was no sign of the scratches he'd received earlier that day from throwing kunai with Sasuke.

He'd need to come up with an explanation for that next time he saw Sasuke.

As soon as he slept…

Sasuke was screaming, the sound utter agony. And then it cut off, his voice gone like it had never existed.

He couldn't see Sasuke. There was no sign of his best friend. And he was looking, running through shapeless white bodies and the bodies of shinobi that had fallen in this last battle.

Lightning flickered off to the side, Kakashi releasing one of his massive jutsu. There was a howl from the Hachibi.

He was running, feet stumbling over cracks and body parts. But there was no sign of Sasuke.

He almost tripped over a Zetsu head, but when he caught himself he was standing in the massive crater that the Juubi had created before Obito had become its jinchuuriki.

Sasuke stood close by, both eyes Sharingan-red and his sword at the ready. Sakura stood at his other side, the diamond seal dark on her forehead.

But where was Kakashi?

"Pay attention!" Sasuke barked out.

"I'm paying attention," he snapped back instinctively, a Rasengan whirling to life in his right hand. But, wait, had he been able to do one-handed Rasengans now? Wasn't that later?

Sasuke had gone off ahead, and Sakura was punching out smaller versions of the Juubi.

And he – he aimed his Rasengan at the closest enemy. Only it wasn't an offshoot of the Juubi he struck.

It was a young Sasuke.

"N-Naruto." Sasuke coughed out blood, looking up at him with betrayed eyes. "Why?"

And then it wasn't the young Sasuke he was looking at. It was his Sasuke, and his eyes were bleeding, his left arm torn in half and a hole punched through his chest with his own sword, and he was dead—

He fell to his knees besides Sasuke's body, clutching at it and screaming.

Naruto jerked awake with a stifled yell, hand in his mouth to muffle the scream. With a scramble, he threw off his blankets and was on the other side of the bedroom, huddled in a corner.

A dream, a dream, it was just a dream.

He hadn't killed Sasuke.

Breathing raggedly, shoulders shuddering in near sobs, Naruto buried his face in his hands.

Shit, shit, shit.

Naruto should've expected something like this after seeing Sasuke today.

Sasuke's death during the war was one of his greatest regrets. He hadn't been there for his friend. He'd been on the other side of the field, too busy defending other shinobi and trusting in Sasuke to be able to protect himself.

But Madara…

Madara had taken Sasuke's sword and driven it through his chest after making damn well sure that Sasuke knew how outclassed he was. How inferior Sasuke's eyes were in comparison to Madara's, and how little hope they had of beating an Uchiha with another Uchiha, even one with an eternal Mangekyou Sharingan.

And Sasuke had died, Madara retreating after that. He'd made some comment about enjoying seeing them all sink into despair, but it was probably Obito and Kakashi teaming up with Kamui that had prompted him to leave before Naruto could pummel him into the ground.

Not that Naruto could have done much aside from toss Madara around. Even as the jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi, the jinchuuriki of the Juubi was in an entirely different class.

Fingers digging into his head, Naruto struggled to compose himself.

Crying wasn't going to do anyone any good. Not now. Not ever.

The war hadn't started yet. Madara was dead. Obito was alive and masquerading as him. Sasuke was alive and knew nothing of the pain his older self had.

All Naruto could do was pick himself up and keep moving forward.

With a shaky exhale, Naruto let his head fall back against the wall with a soft thump, rubbing at his eyes with a hand. He closed them a second later, focusing on his breathing.

What a sorry mess he was. And there was no one he could spend the night with in silent companionship.

Something tugged at the back of his mind, and the seal on his stomach warmed for an instant before fading.

Naruto's breath punched out of him, and he grasped at his stomach. Kurama?

There was no response.

Gritting his teeth, Naruto shut his eyes and let himself fall back into the depths of his mind, to the shared space between him and Kurama.

His feet were wet with water, and the sound of dripping filled his ears. The air was still, but there was no wind in this place. Not here in his mind.

The cage stood before him, an unfamiliar sight after so long without it. The doors were shut, the seal intact like it had never been tampered with.

And within it…

"Kurama?" Naruto asked, hardly daring to breathe. His voice sounded deeper than what it should have been, and he looked down, surprised to see his adult self staring back in the water's reflection. "Oh." He reached a hand up to touch his hair, longer than it was in his current physical body.

"Naruto." Kurama's voice was as guttural as always, only this time it sounded tired in a way that signaled severe chakra exhaustion.

Naruto's head jerked up. "Kurama!" He darted forwards, water splashing as he moved. "Is it you?"

"Of course it's me." Kurama stared balefully at him, teeth bared in a familiar grin. "Who else would it be?"

Naruto slipped through the bars, coming to a stop by one of Kurama's paws. "It might not have been you!" he protested. "You know what a grump you were back then!"

"Hmph." Kurama huffed, his breath hot. "Be that as it may, I'm here."

Naruto paused, wonder spreading through him. He…wasn't alone. His friend was here. "Yeah," he breathed, eyes stinging. "You are."

"Eh?" Kurama looked vaguely alarmed. "Are you crying?"

"Of course I'm crying!" Naruto shouted, pointing at Kurama. "I thought you didn't come back! But you did! Why the hell shouldn't I cry if I'm happy?"

"Why wouldn't I come back?" Kurama asked. "I'm an embodiment of chakra, Naruto. Chakra isn't constrained to time as you know it."

Naruto sniffed, rubbing at his eyes. "You could've told me that, you know. You and Gyuuki didn't say anything."

"We didn't know," Kurama said. "No one's ever done this jutsu before."

"Except us," Naruto said, taking a deep breath. Eyes dry, he looked up at Kurama, glad that he was in his normal adult body here. "We're here, Kurama. We made it."

"Yeah." Kurama grinned. "We did. How's Kakashi?"

"Oh, you know." Naruto linked his hands behind his head, grinning. "Being his usual awesome self. Which I would be, too, if my chakra control weren't shot to hell and back. I mean, Kakashi-sensei's control's bad, too, but he's getting the hang of it. A lot faster than me…" he grumbled.

Kurama snorted. "He's a genius, isn't he? That's what they all said."

"Yeah. He is." Naruto's grin turned fond. "He'll be glad to know you're here. Which reminds me…" He glanced back to the doors. "I should unseal this—"

"You don't have the key."

"Eh?" Naruto's eyes turned to Kurama.

"Don't you remember?" Kurama lifted a talon to point to Naruto's stomach. "That sage handed over the key after he died so that you could start the process of using my chakra. You don't have the key now, so unlocking it without unleashing me in the middle of your village isn't going to work."

"Oh." Naruto touched his stomach, half turning so he could look up at the locked doors. "Shit."

"It doesn't matter," Kurama said, sighing. "I still need to regain my chakra. Traveling back in time took practically all of it."

"Is that way I couldn't get in contact with you before?" Naruto asked.

"Yeah." Kurama settled back down, one of his eyes still several feet above Naruto's head. "Don't expect much from me for the next several days either. The seal's intact, so communication's going to be tricky unless you come here."

"I'll be here," Naruto said, nodding. "And I'll see what I can do about the seal. We're partners, ya know. It wouldn't do if I leave you here, would it?"

"I know, Naruto." Kurama sounded amused. "Now go. Your voice is keeping me from sleeping."

"Yeah, yeah." Naruto backed out of the cage, grinning loosely. "I'll be seeing you, Kurama. Sweet dreams!"

Naruto pulled himself out before Kurama could say anything else, opening his eyes to the dark of his bedroom.

Several moments later, Naruto started giggling. He tried to stop, but the laughter bubbled up despite himself. He just…

Kurama was here. It wasn't just Kakashi and him.

And Naruto was crying before he realized what was happening. Which – what the hell – couldn't his body just stick to an emotion?

Shaking his head, Naruto rubbed at his eyes even as the tears kept flowing.

Maybe…maybe crying was okay in this instant. Happy tears were different from sad ones.

And Naruto was so happy.

Naruto had his own lunch packed the next day, but he was rather disappointed to see Itachi nowhere around when he met up with Sasuke.

"Hey, Sasuke!" Naruto ran into the small clearing, seeing Sasuke sitting on the tall boulder that had served as their lunch spot yesterday.

Sasuke inclined his head in Naruto's direction, graceful even as a five-year-old. It kind of made Naruto envious. "Naruto."

Naruto paused at the base of the boulder, making a show of looking for Itachi. "Where's Itachi?"

Sasuke jumped down from the boulder, landing besides Naruto. "He had a mission."

"And you're here." Naruto paused, the ramifications of that settling in.

"Of course I am." Sasuke folded his arms, giving Naruto an unimpressed look. "I said I would be, didn't I?"

"Yeah, but…" Naruto knelt, setting his lunch down, carefully not looking at Sasuke. "That usually doesn't mean anything."

It never had in the past. Anyone he tried making friends with always ended up avoiding him the next day because of their parents warning him off. So that Sasuke was here…it was surprising.

Even if relieving as well.

"You can't be a good shinobi if you can't even throw a kunai," Sasuke huffed, shoving a kunai into Naruto's hands. "Let's see if you've improved any today."

Naruto had to resist the urge to grin sheepishly. He'd probably screwed it up yesterday by pretending to be really awful. His kunai had gone awry, flying into the tree branches and anywhere but the targets. The only kunai that he'd somewhat aimed purposefully had been the ones that almost hit his ANBU stalkers.

They'd had to switch trees quickly to avoid getting scratched.

"Practice makes perfect, right?" Naruto swung the kunai around in circles, using his finger as a focal point. "Show me the stance again!"

"Hn." Sasuke turned to face the closest target, demonstrating the stance that Naruto hadn't really learned the last time he'd been in the Academy. It was a little different from the standard style the Academy taught, but Naruto wasn't going to complain. Sasuke had been a badass at throwing kunai and shuriken.

This time when Naruto started throwing his kunai, he made an effort at not being absolutely terrible. He didn't think Sasuke would notice him deliberately aiming his kunai off the mark, although he tried to mess it up enough that the ANBU wouldn't get suspicious.

"You're learning fast," Sasuke noted, sounding a mixture of pleased and surprised.

Naruto laughed, turning his head to beam at Sasuke. "I've always been really good at learning with my body! But books? They make my head hurt."

The corner of Sasuke's mouth tipped up. "My brother says there's a lot of reading to do in the Academy."

"What?" Naruto made a show of looking absolutely aghast. "But why? Shinobi don't need books! They just need to beat up the bad guys!"

Sasuke tilted his head. "Shinobi do that, but they also need to know what's going on around them. How are you going to know if the Hokage is on good terms with the Daimyo of the Land of Fire if you don't read?" He paused, then added with a hint of pride, "My brother graduated early. He couldn't have done that without reading."

Naruto paused, holding back from his default response. He wanted to be different, right? So… "I guess that makes sense," he conceded, bending down to pick up another kunai. He rubbed a thumb over the flat edge. "Which means I'm gonna need to read."

"It's not that bad," Sasuke said. "You won't be doing it alone."

"You mean you'll help?"

"Well…" Sasuke averted his eyes, a hint of red dusting his cheeks. "We're going to be shinobi together, right? If you can't even throw a kunai straight, I don't know if you can read properly. Which means I'll need to help you."

That was the kind of convoluted Sasuke logic that Naruto simultaneously loved and hated. Only this time the Sasuke spouting it was a lot cuter. Because he was small and tiny and squishy.

A second later Naruto realized he was also small and tiny and squishy and that these thoughts were horrifying and he needed brain bleach.

He could hear Kakashi snickering at him and his sensei wasn't even anywhere close by.

"That's awfully nice of you, Sasuke," Naruto said eventually, teasing just a little. He couldn't help it. This Sasuke was too easy.

"Shut it!" Sasuke snapped, cheeks definitely red now. "You'll definitely need the help!"

Naruto laughed, rubbing under his nose. "Ehh, probably. But I know I'll do great with you, Sasuke!"

"Hm." Sasuke turned, his ears distinctly pink.

Naruto had to hide his grin behind a hand, because that vocalization was different from Sasuke's other one. This was a pleased sound.

Wait, did Itachi have those types of vocalizations? Naruto would need to find out. He would be disappointed if it wasn't just a Sasuke thing, because then he would have to learn Itachi's mannerisms.

Turning back to the target, Naruto continued practicing, letting Sasuke adjust his stance every now and then while he threw kunai. It was boring, so he couldn't help but let his mind wander to what Kakashi was probably doing.

"Huh." Sasuke's surprised voice drew Naruto back to the present. "That was fast."

"Eh – ahhh." Naruto stared at the last so many throws he'd done absentmindedly. They were all perfect bull's-eyes. Rubbing the back of his head, he looked to Sasuke. "I did say I learned fast with my body, ya know?"

Sasuke didn't look upset, though. There was a hint of excitement in his dark eyes, and he started pulling out shuriken.

"The stance is similar with these," Sasuke said, showing how to hold them. "But throwing is a little trickier because they move differently."

"Awesome!" Naruto took several shuriken. "I'll be an amazing shinobi in no time! Soon I'll even be flying across roofs like that other guy!"

"The one who ran into you, you mean?" Sasuke asked, amused.

"Yeah, that one!" Naruto slumped as if disappointed. "He just gave me a quick 'sorry' and ran off. He could've paid for the paint…"

"Paint?"

"Yeah!" Naruto flung out a shuriken without thinking, knocking it into one of the kunai that was in the bull's-eye. It knocked the kunai out and fell to the grass. Pretending to ignore what had just happened, Naruto linked his hands behind his head. "It was gonna be a really good prank, too! But he knocked everything over… At least I know that getting that color out is going to be a pain." He snickered, remembering how orange Kakashi's fingers had been that night.

Sasuke eyed Naruto with what looked like curiosity. "You…do pranks?"

"Of course I do!" Naruto managed to hold his grin for a few seconds before it faded, an old pain resonating in his chest. "I mean…it's not like I can play with anyone…" He shrugged, hands still linked behind his head.

"Why not?" Sasuke asked, head tilting inquisitively. "There are civilians that would play with you."

"Their parents are all like 'Don't go near that boy! He's baaad.'" Naruto drew the word out, lips twisting. "Not that I did anything to them. I mean, I probably could if I wanted to? But I haven't, so I don't know why they're being so mean."

Naruto let his hands drop, fingering the shuriken that he hadn't let go. After a moment he threw one, purposefully making sure it missed its mark and dropped short of the target. "Not that it matters!" He turned to Sasuke, painting on a bright grin. "I'm gonna be totally awesome, and then they'll be sorry they never got to know me!"

Sasuke said nothing, throwing his own shuriken and hitting the target dead on. "It's their loss," he said eventually, side-eyeing Naruto. He held out another shuriken, a smirk playing at his lips that Naruto was all too familiar with. "Come on. You're not going to get anywhere without knowing how to throw a shuriken."

Returning Sasuke's smirk with a grin, Naruto shot him a thumbs up.

This was going so well that Naruto couldn't help but wonder if there was going to be a catch.

Maybe Sasuke hadn't told his parents what he was doing? His best friend always had a bit of a rebellious streak to him…

The Juubi's roar was terrifyingly loud, the sound itself somehow transforming into wind that shook trees and reshaped the land around its body. It was a sound of destruction and death and calamity and heralded the end.

And an instant later, the bijuudama it fired enveloped the land.

The heat was blistering, but then it was suddenly cold before there was absolutely nothing at all.

He hadn't had any time to react, to reach out with Kurama's cloak to shield his allies.

When the dust cleared, when the sound died out, when the energy from the bijuudama dissipated finally, he didn't want to look to confirm what his senses had already told him.

He was alonealonealonealone.

Ashes drifted about him, and he didn't want to breathe, didn't want to take in the remnants of his friends' remains. Why was he still alive?

There was no use in being alive when everyone else was dead and he couldn't defeat the Juubi by himself.

There was another deafening roar, and this time he closed his eyes, let Kurama's chakra go, and waited—

Only to open his eyes when two hands grasped hold of his shoulders and he was looking into Kakashi's eyes, his sensei shaking him and yelling in his face.

This wasn't the same battlefield as before. There was no Juubi towering over them. There was just Madara, horrifyingly white due to the Juubi's chakra, and Obito struggling against him, using his Mangekyou Sharingan to its full extent to dodge Madara's attacks.

He reached out with trembling fingers, pressing a hand to Kakashi's flak jacket, pushing in until he could feel Kakashi's heart thundering. His sensei was alive and he was going to damn well keep it that way.

Kakashi grabbed his wrist and turned, pulling him alongside as they ran.

Several steps later, he was running down a street in Konoha, no longer by Kakashi but rather Sasuke and Sakura. They were younger than he remembered, both of them looking twelve.

He breathed, relief/agony/terror ringing through them even though there was no sign of war around him. It couldn't be that easy, could it?

His friends slowed to a walk, and he did as well, looking over his shoulder for Kakashi but not seeing him. Butterflies swam in his stomach, and he wished he knew where his sensei was.

Dropping a beat behind Sakura and Sasuke, he watched his surroundings warily. Nothing was ever as good as it seemed—

The ground shook; he kept on his feet just barely. The sky darkened, and he looked up instinctively, mouth going dry in terror when he saw the moon.

It was red.

When Naruto woke, he had something stuffed in his mouth to muffle his scream. After a moment, he realized it was his blanket, and he spat the cloth out, breathing heavily through his mouth.

He reached up to rub his forehead, uncaring of the tears smeared over his cheeks.

The end of that dream hadn't been that terrifying. Why was he so scared?

They had red moons all the time, usually because of something funky with the atmosphere, but red moons plus tomoes signaled something bad. Usually they managed to kick down Madara before he could pull the Infinite Tsukuyomi off, although by the end he'd gotten so irritated with the "mangy rats" that he'd bypassed the genjutsu altogether in favor of hunting them down.

Naruto still wasn't sure if that was something to be proud of or not. He opted for pride; Kakashi opted for a quiet weariness and planning for the next attack.

But that dream hadn't been the worst he'd had, so Naruto didn't know why his heart was beating so quickly, why his skin was clammy with sweat, or why he couldn't quite get his breathing to even out. He'd had worse, so why was this one hitting him so hard?

Naruto rolled over onto his back, kicking the blankets off to let the cool air in his apartment touch his skin.

He hadn't trained with Kakashi tonight. His sensei had dropped by, told Naruto to rest up, and then left. Naruto hadn't been able to tell him anything about what happened today with Sasuke or ask about how Kakashi was doing.

He hadn't been able to talk with Kakashi since the last time they'd trained, and that time he'd been so exhausted that he wasn't sure if he'd said anything coherent.

Naruto missed talking with Kakashi. He'd gotten too used to being able to spend time with his sensei day in and day out, even if the circumstances hadn't been the best.

Naruto missed talking with anyone, but Kakashi especially. His sensei understood things in a way Sasuke and Sakura didn't, having lived through another war and more death than any of his students had. So Naruto had a lot to talk with him about as the war dragged on, and as he began to understand more about Kakashi than he ever had as a child.

Watching the shadows play on the ceiling, Naruto laid the back of his hand against his forehead, exhaling softly. The shakiness was gradually leaving, and he thought he could probably get up without stumbling over thin air now.

Not that he had anywhere to go aside from finding out where Kakashi lived.

It would be a mission for tomorrow night Naruto figured. Especially if he had another nightmare.

He had no doubt Kakashi was having just as many difficulties, only he was too idiotic to say anything about it. His sensei always liked punishing himself.

But Naruto wasn't going to have it. Not on his watch.

#kakashi time travel fic #naruto #hatake kakashi #my writing #you know those dreams that aren't technically nightmares but still leave you trembling when you wake up?#yeah those dreams #they're the worst

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