#so i musn't give up. now matter how depressed i feel
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my mum died last night
#i was with her. i spoke comforting words to her as her breathing slowed#she didn't suffer - she wasn't in any pain. she heard me and became slower and slower then i... saw her die#i never predicted i'd be there at the moment of death#it was her time. her body had been slowly shutting down the last three days and she'd been officially dying for 5 months#she was so strong. she was hanging on for me. needing to know i'd be able to survive with her gone#once it was clear that things were gonna be fine (besides the emotional toll) she started to truly let go#i've been with her whenever i could be the last three days. and night nurses watched her as i slept#last nights nurse woke me to be with her in her final moments#besides hearing me talk the last few days - i was also running star trek for her to listen to#she couldn't communicate or move but we all knew she was aware of things around her#i gave her words of reassurance and comfort and the last words she heard me say were ''i love you''#and three days ago before she lost the ability to speak the last words she managed were ''i love you''#so things went as well as they could be considering the situation#she died a little over 12 hours ago. it was 7 hours before they could take the body away. that was. haunting#it's been a rough day. worst day of my life. but mum is at peace now. and i have a lot of kind people to support me#everything will be okay eventually and i have my whole life ahead of me and mum wants that life to be good#so i musn't give up. now matter how depressed i feel
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