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danetobelieve · 4 years

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Who’s Fext? || Luce and Winston

As weird as it was being at a high school alumni event, Winston had to admit that at least Luce was there. She was cool. All the Vurals were. In their own way. If they had been forced to go through something like this alone then they weren’t sure that they would’ve come out of it entirely sane. They were dressed appropriately for the event. Just office wear really, a shirt and trousers, a jacket, sneakers, a hoodie, okay maybe they could’ve made more of an effort. But this was something that they were doing to keep their mother happy, rather then because they really wanted to. “Thank god,” Winston said as they headed out of the hall where the event had taken place, “I wasn’t sure that I could take another “have you ever shot a gun?” question if my life depended on it.”

Why the high school had wanted her here was beyond Luce. She didn’t think that “tattoo artist at a local shop” ranked all that highly on the list of things that would inspire kids to stay in school. But, she’d spent her day in the art classes, talking to kids about what she did and how her classes had helped prepare her for her career. Which was objectively a lie-- what she’d learned as an apprentice was what had made her successful. But, they didn’t need to know that. Plus, it was good to see Winston here. She’d spent the last five years living out in her cabin, very deliberately avoiding other people. But, it wasn’t bad seeing the neighbor kid again. “You could have just lied. Would have been fun to see the teacher just go wide-eyed and pull the plug on the whole thing.” Luce said with a grin. “I straight up just told the kids that I dropped out of college a semester in.” SHe said as they walked down the hall together.

Laughing Winston couldn’t help but imagine what the AV club kids -- or whatever the current Gen Z equivalent was -- would say if they tried to claim that they had dropped out of college. “I don’t know if it would work as well for me if I tried to lie about dropping out of college or anything like that, if anything I think that they would know that there is no way that I can actually make it anywhere meaningful in my career without college.” They shuffled their feet as they made their way through the corridors of their old high school. High school hadn’t been the best, and they didn’t exactly miss it. Winston hadn’t really found their feet till college and at that point it was nice that they could put high school well behind them. “Besides, I think I’m still too hard wired to be a good student to fuck with a teacher like that. They probably don’t want to be here either.”

“That’s a good point. Your whole deal requires a lot of studying and shit.” Luce said with a nod. Winston had always been good at that sort of thing-- they’d pretty much grown up together, their interests in tech stuff had gone a long way back. “I figured. But, this is why you’re the one with the internship with WCPD. You’re good and law abiding like that.” Stretching, the material of her flannel shirt rubbed against her forearms in an almost suffocating way. She’d figured it wouldn’t have been a great idea to roll up in her usual outfit-- leather jacket, tank, and jeans-- so she’d worn a flannel under her usual jacket. It didn’t hide the tattoos on her hands, but the art teacher had known who she was inviting when she’d extended the offer. As they walked down the empty hallways, Luce glanced down one of the corridors, a smirk growing on her face. “Hey. Do you remember Mr. Blume? Taught chemistry? Wanna pop by and see if he’s still teaching here?”

“I mean, it is all just practice, just a different way of practicing to the work that you do. Besides, my kind of practicing is a lot less permanent then yours, I don’t know if I would have the nerve to give someone a tattoo, I’d be terrified of fucking up.” Winston swallowed at the thought, imagining how angry they would be if someone gave them a bad tattoo. How did people work their way around something like that? They knew that they definitely didn’t have the spine for it. “Wow, am I that easy to read?” Winston asked with a shake of their head, they tugged at the rolled up sleeves of the shirt they had worn today, wishing that they had taken a leaf out of Luce’s book and dressed more casually. A t-shirt would’ve been more comfortable. AS they moved down the corridors and headed towards the classrooms which were called ‘labs’ they found themselves nodding. “Oh hell yeah, I loved Mr. Blume, he was like the best teacher that they had in this place, is he still around?” Winston made their way down the corridors, in some ways it was like nothing at all had changed. Things seemed to be mostly the same and yet they were different. “Think he’s got the same classroom?”

“That’s why there’s a three year apprenticeship. You practice on oranges for a long time, then pig skin, then yourself.” Luce said, rolling up her sleeves and showing them a faded and honestly kind of shitty crescent moon she had on the inside of her wrist. It was far from her best work, but she kept it as a reminder of how far she’d come in the last few years. “You just work until you’re too good to fuck up.” She said with an easy shrug. “And, you’re only easy to read cuz we grew up together, goofball.” Luce teased. As the two walked down the hall, she couldn’t help but smile a bit wistfully. High school hadn’t been too bad for her, honestly. She’d had to deal with being known as “Bea’s Little Sister” for a while, but by the time Nell and Winston got to high school, she’d carved out her own little niche in the art wing. “He might. I just remember blowing shit up when we learned about combustion reactions. That was fun.” She said with a smile.

“Three years of training so that I could potentially ruin someone’s skin permanently,” Winston chuckled and shrugged, “I don’t think after all of that I would trust myself to do a really good job. But then again I was never the artist that you were.” They glanced at the tattoo and raised an eyebrow. “Damn, you actually did tattoo yourself, that must have been a weird experience.” Luce really seemed to be in her element when it came to tattoos and Winston was kind of impressed. “True, I think when you’ve known a family as long as the Dane’s and Vural’s have known each other then you really get good at reading people, I know exactly what it means when your mom purses her lips. You know how she does.” Winston hadn’t loved high school, they’d not exactly been popular and they’d had friends but they’d also had … well not friends. “He once dropped a tiny bit of sodium straight into a puddle for the class, I don’t think that the janitor ever forgave him for it,” they strutted down the corridor and paused outside of his classroom, peering through the little square window of glass set into the door, Winston spotted him working at the desk at the front of the class. “Hey, he’s in there, you wanna say hi?”

“Eh. It’s all about practice. Some people might start with talent, but that doesn’t mean shit compared to consistent practice.” Luce said, a hint of humor in her tone. That statement could be applied to magic as well. Bea had always been the focus of their parent’s attention, the first born, the one with the flare their parents were looking for. But talent didn’t measure ability. At the mention of her mother, Luce full body shuddered, shaking her head at the mere thought. “You’re not wrong in the slightest.” She agreed. Yet another quote-unquote benefit of living with her sisters… their mothers increased ability to meddle in her life. She fucking hated it. At least when she was in the woods, she’d had some physical distance to keep her family out of her life. Laughing, she grinned at Winston. “That sounds just like him. He is? Shit, yeah, let’s go in there.” Pulling open the door, Luce grinned and waved a hand. “Hey there, Mr. Blume. Still kicking huh?”

“I guess it’s like a musical instrument, the more that you work on it the more confident you are, but also the more able to deal with unexpected shit you are able to be… though I hope with tattoos you don’t often have to deal with any surprises.” Winston laughed gently at the idea of a surprise arising during a tattooing session. That wouldn’t be ideal. Obviously. “It’s nice that you’re back around, I know you had to do your time in the woods and stuff, but it’s cool to actually see you and Nell and Bea more now, there were a couple of years when I was in college and Nell was travelling, kinda felt like you guys were on a different planet you know.” The Vural family had always been beyond good to Winston and they would never forget that goodness. They had given them a lot and they would do whatever they needed to feel as if they were on equal footing once more. Following Luce into the classroom, Winston waved as well. “Hey Mr. Blume, can’t believe you’re still stuck here right…” they fell silent as Mr. Blume’s eyes snapped up and locked with Winston’s leaving a chill to trickle down their spine as they realised something was wrong, “you okay Mr. Blume?”

“Yep, pretty much. Eh,” Luce paused, thinking about the strange walk-in tattoo that she’d just done the other day. “There are some surprises that can happen. Usually just people saying they’re ‘totally fine’ and then passing out on me. When you decide to get a tattoo, just be honest with your artist.” She advised. At their mention of the time when the family was spread all over the place, Luce’s joking expression wavered for a moment. If Winston thought they were on a different planet then, then call her a fucking astronaut. She’d rather be back in her cabin than living with Bea and Nell. She’d had an entire place to herself, now she had a room and a shed. A great shed, but still a shed. As soon as the two of them stepped closer, Luce’s eyes narrowed, the hair on the back of her neck standing on end. There was something off, something evil about Mr. Blume. Not in a typical science teacher way either. In straight up, that’s some bad shit kind of way. As Winston moved closer, Luce grabbed them by the shoulder. “Don’t--” Before she could finish that sentence, Mr. Blume vaulted over his desk and hurtled towards them with unnatural speed.

Winston frowned for a moment, “I definitely think that I would be the type to think that I was totally fine when in actuality I would be moments away from passing out, besides, I’m not exactly the best with blood and shock and stuff…” they sighed and shook their head gently before continuing. “Either way, if I do get a tattoo I will do everything that I can to be entirely honest with whoever is putting a permanent mark on my body. Seems like it is in my best interests really.” They noticed Luce’s expression and immediately realised that she hadn’t felt the same. But now didn’t exactly seem the time to ask her about it, so Winston decided that they would simply have to ask about it later. Or not at all. Depended on how they felt it would be received. They didn’t want to intrude after all. “Fuck, run,” Winston didn’t need to see the empty look in Mr. Blume’s eye, they didn’t need to see the way that they had cleared that desk with a single bound and they didn’t need to see the bee line that they were making towards them, “run run run.” They were pushing Luce out of the door and sprinting after them. “I don’t remember Mr. Blume doing that when we had chemistry together, even when I forgot my homework a few too many times.”

As soon as Mr. Blume yeeted himself over the desk, Luce had already turned on her heel and started sprinting away. Thank god she didn’t go running this morning, her legs were fresh and she needed the extra oomph, given she was hauling ass in heavy fucking boots. “Less quipping, more running!” Luce yelled over her shoulder as she booked it down the hallways. The school was empty, which worked out in their favor. But, as she looked behind her, Luce saw that Mr. Blume was hot in pursuit and gaining fast. There was something about his eyes, a dead look behind them, that just screamed ‘oh fuck no’ to her. “This way! Shortcut outta school!” Grabbing Winston’s arm, she pulled a hard right down one of the hallways towards one of the back entrances she’d used to cut class back in the day. Here’s hoping the door lock was still busted. As they neared the double doors, Luce kicked her foot out to push open the door and ran outside into the darkness.

It was all that Winston could do to stop themselves from screaming and swearing. Something that they weren’t about to do in front of someone who they had grown up in semi awe of. “Good idea, more running,” Winston said as they glanced over their shoulder and realised that Mr. Blume was easily keeping pace, in fact they might’ve even been gaining on them. Winston was sure that if Mr. Blume had seen them back in the day then they would’ve definitely told them off for running. Luce seemed to know exactly where they were going however, and as Winston saw that Mr. Blume was maybe seconds behind them they tried to pack on a final burst of speed as they exploded out of the school and into the perpetual night. “My car is in the car park, we should just get the fuck out of here and get someone more qualified to deal with this to help.” Things were going well, they were really making progress, they were getting further and further away and then of course, Winston Dane, the clumsiest person in the world had to have two left feet and trip over a curb.

Luce nodded at Winston’s plan-- it was as good an idea as any and whatever the fuck Mr. Blume was clearly wanted both of them dead. He looked human enough, so maybe if they lured it to the police station, the police would just riddle him with bullets and that would end that situation? Just make up some story about the guy going nuts and trying to murder them? But, as soon as they made it out into the parking lot, Winston tripped and fell over the edge of the curb. Pausing to help them up, Luce gritted her teeth together as she saw that Mr. Blume had not, in fact, been tricked by the sharp turn. “Fuck it.” She said, glancing over her shoulder to make sure she and Winston were the only ones around before holding her hands out and letting free a burst of magic. A ball of fire the size of a softball, concentrated and burning a bright white, soared from her hands towards Mr. Blume. “Get fucked, old man!” She yelled. But, instead of engulfing him in flames, something weird happened. The fire seemed to dissipate, recede, the colors growing dimmer and dimmer until there was nothing but smoke in front of him.

After learning the truth about the Vural family, Winston had suspected that Luce could also do magic too, but they weren’t about to admit that to them without letting them explain it first. But apparently when she had thrown a literal ball of bright white fire at Mr. Blume, that wasn’t something that they were going to need to do. “Yeah, get fucked…” Winston had made it to their feet just in time to see the fire expand around Mr. Blume, it should’ve burned them away and yet the magic just seemed to dissipate and vanish as if the oxygen around them had been snuffed out, “okay we should definitely run,” Winston said sprinting past Luce and grabbing her hand, pulling her towards their complete shit mobile. Their ankle twinged gently as they ran, the mostly healed wound that they’d received from the weird gremlin thing at UMWC not loving the amount of aerobic exercise that they were getting. Looking back, Winston tried to think of something that would buy them more time, do anything to get them more space, they had a plan, but it would take them a minute to enact it and they wanted to make sure they were in the car first.

The effort of throwing the ball of fire barely winded Luce, but it was the irritation of watching the man just continue to pursue them that really got to her. What the fuck? How did he just do that? There was no way that he would have been able to just… dissolve her magic like that. It was a fucking fireball. Letting out growl under her breath, she raised her hands again, intent on nuking this man into the ground. But, before she could conjure up another ball of flames, Winston had grabbed her hand and yanked her towards their car. “I can take him!” She protested, but when she saw the way that they were limping, she gritted her teeth. Even if she wanted to try and duke it out with Mr. Blume, there was no way that Winston would be able to manage. They shouldn’t be caught in the middle of this shit. “Ah screw it, the car it is.” She said, running ahead towards the familiar looking vehicle. “Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go!” She yelled, watching as Mr. Blume continued his relentless pursuit after them.

“You can absolutely take him I am completely and totally sure of it, but at the same time the guy just absorbed what looked like a white hot fireball, which by the way was very very cool, and I don’t really want to find out what the hell else they can do.” Winston reached into their pocket and dropped their keys immediately. Great. “Uh, if you could throw a few more fireballs at him whilst I get the keys then that would be great,” Winston was already pressed flat to the tarmac of the car park, they were wriggling under the very greasy and dirty underside of their car in an attempt to reach their keys, praying that they would be able to get them before whatever the hell Mr. Blume was got to them first. Somehow they didn’t think that when their old chemistry teacher got their hands on two of his former students that he was going to explain covalent bonds to them or quiz them on the periodic table.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me.” Luce groaned, but stepped up to bat nonetheless. Rolling her sleeves up, she took a deep breath. Calm. Steady and calm. Disregard the neighbor kid behind her fumbling with their keys, completely ignore the murderous chemistry teacher on a warpath. Just straight up forget the fact he’d made her fireball completely vanish in a puff of smoke. None of that mattered, none of it. There was only the fire inside her. The burning, white hot energy. Flames she so carefully stoked and tended to, urging her onwards. And all she had to do was let them free. With a sharp exhale, Luce held out her hands and jets of red hot fire streamed out from her palms. Not fireballs, he’d already demonstrated he didn’t give a shit about those. No, she was going for volume this time. The parking lot lit up with the red hot glow of flames, shooting twenty feet in front of her from both of her hands. Aiming at the ground, she urged the magic on, fueling the fire to burn, even on the empty asphalt. Pulling back her hands, sweat dripped down the side of her face as she glared triumphantly at Mr. Blume, who had stopped for a moment on the other side of the flames.

As Winston’s fingers curled around the ring of their keys, they dragged them towards them and managed to bound up to their feet, slipping their keys in the lock of the car they pulled the door open and slipped the keys into the ignition. As they turned it and heard the car roll over a few times before sputtering into life, Winston thanked whoever had given them luck today because their car never ever started first time. Turning around, they were just in time to see Luce’s hands fire … well flames in great jets in front of them. A huge wall of fire erupted into life and Mr. Blume was hidden from view. Winston’s jaw fell slack and they were awe struck by the sheer display Luce had made. They’d managed small magic but nothing as big as what Luce had just done. For a moment, Winston was convinced that she’d saved them. Second time lucky right? And then, the most terrifying thing that Winston had ever seen happened. Mr. Blume appeared inbetween the flames that licked the open air, and then stepped through the magical inferno, causing the flames to shy away from their form as they made their way forwards. The heat seemed intense however, and Winston was convinced that they could see some of the skin on Mr. Blume’s face sizzle in the heat of the air, but they were through the wall of fire and making their way towards the car. “Luce, get in now!” they snapped, throwing the door open as they spun the car around and revved the engine, ready to speed away.

The second Mr. Blume vanished from sight, Luce had a fleeting moment of exhilaration. She’d done it, she’d made him back off. Maybe she’d even-- before she could get too happy, he appeared again, in the middle of the flames. Her magic was repelled away from him, skirting around his form as he took a slow step towards her. His eyes stared at her, unflinching, entirely focused on her. A chill ran down her spine and she recoiled. “What are you?” She asked, more to herself than to him. Before either of them could respond, Luce heard Winston’s car roar to life, heard them yell at her to get in. They didn’t need to tell her twice. Turning tail, she ran for the door and slid inside, slamming the door shut. Grabbing hold of the Oh Shit Handle, she stared through the window as Mr. Blume continued to come for them. “Let’s get the hell outta here!”

“You don’t need to tell me twice.” Mr. Blume was sprinting towards them, Winston could hear their footsteps and see them hurtling towards them in their rear view mirror. They shifted gear, slammed their foot on the accelerator and felt the wheels spin in place for a moment before the car shot off. Keeping their eyes bouncing back from their mirrors and the windscreen, Winston reached inside of themselves and harnessed the well of energy that they accessed in times of magical need. Taking a deep breath, they began chanting under their breath. Mr. Blume was moving with surprising speed and Winston could see them cutting across the car park as Winston was forced to weave between the cars that were still parked here, which wasn’t many. As they reached the exit to the school, Winston turned left and finished their incantation. As they turned left an identical copy of their car appeared to peel off towards the right. Winston slammed the speed on, heading towards the one place that they could think of which might have some information on what the hell this all was and what was going on here. “Fuck, that was really fucking close.”

As they zipped out of the parking lot as quickly as Winston’s car would allow, Luce slumped in the back seat, panting from the effort. Doing a mental check of her energy levels, she grimaced. She’d expended more of her energy on that than she’d originally thought she would. And it didn’t even phase him. What the fuck was Mr. Blume? As she stared out the window of the car, she was startled to see an illusion of their car appear in the middle of the road. What? That wasn’t her. Which meant… Leaning forward, Luce grabbed the back of Winston’s seat to stabilize herself. “Winnie. When were you gonna tell me you were a spellcaster, huh?” She asked, exhaustion letting her annoyance come through in her tone a bit more than she intended.

Perspiration beaded on Winston’s forehead as they slammed their foot down as hard as it would possibly go. They knew that they needed to eat, but they would have to do that later. But they’d found that for them, after using any amount of magic it was important to have a sudden and ferocious hit of calories as soon as possible to avoid too much of a deficit. “Sorry, I ….” they swallowed, “towards the beginning of this year I found out about all of this and I just haven’t been telling people about it because honestly I’m not very good and I also know that with Miriam Flemming out there it isn’t exactly safe to be broadcasting that information.” They took a left, then a right, then three more lefts, then two rights and another right, finally convinced that they were safe, they turned the wheel and headed for the old Scribe building. “But, we need to work out what that was and how we’re going to deal with it, because Mr. Blume is too dangerous to just leave to their own devices apparently, but I have a place we can go.”

#who's fext?#p: luce #wickedswriting #para #chatzy para

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breakingitswings · 4 years

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1-30

Not sure if this is all 30 I had to copy and paste one at a time

your favourite playlist (made by yourself or someone else): damn my old crying playlist from like 6 or so years ago. Never ever failed to hit hard

how many houseplants in your room, and what kinds are they?: none, not a plant person, although I like how they look, succulents are cute though

your favourite “grounding” activity (anything that involves using the hands/doesn’t involve “spacing out” or escapism - something like gardening, knitting, dancing, cooking): cleaning, cuz that usually involves dancing

an account on social media whose posts make you smile: my girl somethingabouttheway haha like the last account here I follow that's active. And a girl we know on fb always posts the funniest things.

5 tv shows that cheer you up: the office, brooklyne nine nine, soul eater, ouran high school host club, the good place

how you get relaxed when you’re struggling to sleep: I don't, I just put on YouTube and wait till I knock out

your favourite board game: my bros and I took a monopoly board and made our own, however it's broken and while one bro was getting all these things I still technically won. A version 2.0 patch is still to come

if you were going to write a non-fiction book on any topic, what would it be?: not sure, maybe heartbreaks, just curious to actually talk to people about emotions and thoughts on life in general but pain is always interesting

a quote that you would consider getting tattooed or putting in a frame: "We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman, "O me! O life!... of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless... of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life?" Answer. That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. That the powerful play *goes on* and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?" Dead Poets Society

something you’ve created in the last year that you’re proud of (a playlist, a piece of art, some writing, a craft hobby, a social media account, etc): oof been a year of just getting by, well last how many years I guess. One of my bros and i are trying to write more, we keep brainstorming ideas whenever we hang out

a tip or hack you’ve learned that makes cleaning or tidying easier: nothing, still clean how I usually do

if you could make a candle that smelt like anything, what would you pick?: I don't even know, honestly my favorite scent is usually from a girl so

the last so-bad-it’s-good joke you heard: what's a duck's favorite drug? Quack lol wasn't that good but a friend and I were just sending jokes at each other it was a good moment

an artist (of any kind) whose work you look forward to seeing: in what way? I mean love to see whatever epik high does next. Or I wanna read more of Neil Gaiman. Or now that I've heard of Terry Pratchett I wanna read the Discworld series

the last tv episode that made you laugh out loud: brooklyn nine nine, watch it every week

how you wake your body up when it’s feeling tired, achy or needs a stretch: so I slap my chest, rotate my shoulders and start jumping

a bath, shower, beauty or toiletry product that makes you feel revived, or that you always re-order when it’s running out: nada

a book series you can always escape in: I wanna read series of unfortunate events again, I have most of the books, found them at a place that sells used books

the sport or exercise you enjoy the most, and what’s helped you get better at it: basketball, I still suck, but the sound and movements, the rhythm, feels amazing

a skill you’ve picked up in the past few years: I am a guy of no skill sorry

a youtube video you find useful, entertaining or relaxing:

https://youtu.be/AaV8NeT0fnY

And this isn't even mu favorite episode

if you were going to dye your hair any colour of the rainbow, what would you choose?: so weeb of me but I been wanting to do a white or silver with black mix. Was actually getting the balls to do it for vacation but that's canceled

the book you just finished and what you thought (no spoilers!): Good Omens was really good, not my favorite from Gaiman but how do i even compare books from my favorite author. It was enjoyable the whole way, i had fun and laughs.

describe the most wacky, weird and wonderful at-home outfit you’ve put together: don't think I have one, I prefer less clothes at home lol

a game you’re playing that takes your mind off things: besides the obvious of animal crossing haha astral chain

the film you watched most recently that you could watch again and again: tough one, I don't watch too many of the good ones over and over like I enjoyed parasite and knives out but not sure I'd watch often. I'd probably get sick of sonic or alita or detective pikachu after too many. AH rush hour was on tv, damn I can watch those all the time and still laugh

your favourite flavour and brand of tea: not sure, kinda just drink whatever tea is lying around the house. Not a big tea drinker but I like it and prefer it over coffee

a good-will story you’ve heard on the news that’s made you feel hopeful: my friend invited me to a fb group called go outside and howl at 8pm and it's just super wholesome seeing strangers send supporting messages or how people can post recovery type stories and find solace. Makes my day seeing it

a favourite easy recipe: 5 ingredients or less, or takes less than 30 min to make: does spaghetti take long? Cuz mom's spaghetti of marinara sauce, ground beef, pasta, brown sugar, sausages and pasta (yes that's 6 but whatever) love it

a song that makes you want to have a boogie round your bedroom:

https://youtu.be/Lbc2BkJrvWQ

My favorite singer took one of my favorite songs from him and changed it up and I still love it

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solaneceae · 5 years

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MFKZ OS 10: Flowing

Climate change was no joke it seemed.

Vinz awoke drenched with sweat, his blanket -the one with little tigers leaping around, his favourite- pooling at the foot of the couch. He groaned in faint disgust as he hurriedly sat up, hating the sensation of moist fabric against his back. Gross. He rubbed the crust out of his eyes and looked towards the window; the sun had barely began to peek out over the horizon.

Uuuuugh. Only in DMC one could wake up to suffocating heat at 8am in the middle of november. The world truly was going to shit. Good thing the flames atop his skull were only hot if he wanted them to be, however that worked.

He sighted. Even with their new president doing her best to undo a decade’s worth of damage on environmental laws, it would be a long time until things started to change for the better.

“Wow, you look like death!”

The hothead turned around to huff at the other couch, or rather the half-alien laying upside-down on the back. His socks don’t match, Vinz noted distractedly. Heh. What an airhead.

Angelino flashed him a shit-eating grin, seemingly unbothered with the humid heat taking over the neighbourhood. Vinz glared back; his roommate’s freaky genetics must’ve granted him some kind of resistance to high temperatures. Lucky bastard. “Dude, shut up. S’too early for your sass.”

“What? I’m just being a concerned friend. You don’t look so hot after all.”

“Oh my fucking god.”

The skeleton jumped to his feet and hurried out of the room, eager to get out of earshot of his best friend’s terrible puns -the dumbass radius as he called it- and cool down in a cold shower. Which one he wished for the most right now was up for debate.

***

He didn’t step from under the delightfully freezing water until his fingertips turned blue and his body seized up in uncontrollable shivers. He should be set for a couple of hours.

The young adult entered the kitchen in a much better mood, finding Lino munching on cereals right out of the box, not-so-sneakily dropping some on the floor for his roaches to feast on. “Took you long enough, thought you drowned or something.” the hybrid stated, passing the half-empty box to Vinz’ awaiting hands. He smirked, a teasing glint in his inky black eyes. “Did you have fun in there?”

The hothead half-groand half-snickered. Christ, the hothead could almost hear the italics. What was he, fifteen? “Well I didn’t die. Glad you still care.”

“I always care!”

“I know. Remember that storm back at the orphanage? I went outside to see and you got so scared my flames would go out and I’d die. You cried for like an hour.”

Angelino tensed up in protest. “What? Bullshit, I didn’t cry!”

“You so did. You didn’t want to go outside cuz you’re scared of thunder -don’t give me that look, I know it still makes you flinch-, and when I came back you were screaming about Charmander. Ring any bells?”

His best friend looked like he just bit into a particularly sour lemon. He was fidgeting with the edge of his sleeve and was definitely avoiding his gaze now, his cheeks a darker shade than the rest of his pitch black face. Vinz wished he could take a pic to immortalize one of the rare moments he managed to shut his roomate up.

The image of a much smaller, younger Lino sobbing into his shirt, his tiny fists clutching the fabric came to the forefront of his mind. S’okay Lino, don’t cry! he remembered laughing. My flames are magic, see? Stupid water can’t hurt me!

He felt himself smile. Granted, he couldn't actually smile with his lack of skin (and facial muscles. And lower jaw.), but the way his eyes squinted and his flames turned to a vivid green were good enough indicators. He teasingly grabbed his pouting roommate and trapped him into a ruthless noogie. “Don’t worry you lil’ shit, I’m not kicking the bucket anytime soon. Someone gotta watch out for your scrawny ass.”

The hybrid hissed in discomfort and wrestled out of Vinz’ grip, rubbing this head. “‘Scrawny’?! Fuck you, yours is bony!”. He then proceeded to trip the other with a swift little kick. The hothead yelped as he hit the ground -thank god for the shitty carpet-, his rival cackling evilly. Angelino used the other’s stunned state to sit cross legged onto his back -earning a strangled oof in the process-, grab his right arm and, with a triumphant smile, twist it against his clavicle.

“- Ack! Lino, the fuck?!

- That’s what you get for screwing with me! Now yield!

- Hell no, you motherfucker!”

Vinz didn’t quite know how it had come to this, him face planted into the faded orange carpet with his best friend sitting on top of him and basically asphyxiating him. It was all in good fun though, he could feel the tremors of uncontrollable giggles rattling his chest.

“- You gonna say ‘uncle’ yet? No rush, you make a good seat.

- Ngh… thought I was bony?

- A bony seat is still a seat.

- So deep. Ten outta ten, truly inspiring. You gonna write a book on that?”

The half-alien just smiled wider, pulling on his arm a little harder.

“Ow, ow, okay ow, fine, you win!” the hothead wheezed from under him. “You win! Now lemme go before I burn your ass!”

Lino let go of his arm, chuckling. “You wouldn’t dare. My ass is a national treasure.”

Vinz repressed a certain thought immediately after it came to existence, letting out a deep sigh and glaring over his shoulder. “Right, keep thinking that. You gonna get off or what?”

His roommate didn’t respond, still sitting crossed legged in the small of his back. He was staring right ahead, head tilted to the side and brow furrowed, like he was trying really hard to figure something out. The skeleton squinted. “Lino, not that I don’t appreciate you, but it’s a little hard to breathe here and I’m getting sweaty again so-”

“You think that place is still there?”

The hothead’s voice trailed to a stop at the interruption. The young hybrid had turned to look at him, something fuzzy and familiar in his bug eyes. He blinked. “...Well, it’s not like a place can actually go anywhere… else... than where it’s at. You talking about the orphanage? Cuz I’m pretty sure it’s still where it’s always been.”

“Not that, dumbass. I mean the stream.”

Vinz’ eye sockets widened, a glint of recollection in his yellow pupils. “Wait, that stream? The one with the little waterfall overhead?”

“Yeah.”

“The one where we ran off to when it was too hot and we wanted to piss off the old broad?”

“Yup.”

“The one where you hit your head while trying to do a flip and you almost died of hypothermia?”

“Uh, I don’t-”

Now Vinz was just fucking with him. The skeleton’s tone took a teasing edge. “The one where I went to get some water and came back to find you-”

“YES. Yes Vinz, that one.” Angelino quickly cut him off and jumped off him, voice going up an octave. His victim dramatically rolled onto his back and took a much-needed gulp of air, as the other sneered from above him. “Fucker.”

“Bitch.” Vinz responded, flipping him off. He sat up against the bottom of the couch and cracked his joints. “So, our old secret place. What about it?”

His friend grimaced. “Don’t call it that, what are you, five ?”

Yeah, five inches deep in your MOM. Oh how Vinz wanted to quote that iconic vine. But he refrained from doing so, given who stood in front of him.

“I was thinking…” the hybrid began, plopping down next to him. “It’s early, it’s warm as all hell and we got fuckall to do today. Maybe we can go back. To see if it’s still there. And not, y’know, bulldozered and shit.”

The skeleton stared at him. “...What, ten years later? Why?”

“Why not? It’s a bit far, but I remember how to get there. And with how we originally found it by complete accident and all, pretty sure no one but us knows it exists. Could be worth it.”

Huh.

Vinz hummed. Maybe it would, as the alternative would be to spend the day either under cold water or complaining about global warming. Why the fuck not. He turned to an expectant roommate, determination steeled in his features. “Okay. Let’s go.”

***

Angelino finally stopped at the edge of a huge grey rock, chest heaving as he struggled to catch his breath. He didn’t remember the way up being so steep. Vinz wasn’t far behind him, his heavy breathing and cursing catching up to him. Given the colorful words leaving his mouth about the “fucking piece of shit trees that don’t have anything better to do than fuck up my day”, he guessed his companion must’ve had tripped on a root at some point. In any case, the hothead finally hauled his way up the rock and bend forward, panting in exertion as his best friend sat down, legs dangling over the edge.

“Shit.” Vinz wheezed out, wiping the sweat off his skull. “I think we need to work out more, I feel like passing out.”. The hybrid snorted, not tearing his eyes away from the scenery below. “Yeah, fuck that noise. I’m doing fine, you’re the one who needs to go out more.”

The skeleton made a noncommittal grunt and popped his back into place, sighing in relief. He opened his eye sockets and took in the sight below them.

It felt… weird. It was the same old place he remembered, but not? Kinda? The thin waterfall dropping down the red stone cliff was the same. The deformed bean-shaped basin at the bottom was the same. The clear water (hallelujah, it was still clear after all those years) overflowing from said basin was the same. But everything else seemed to have shifted slightly, and the whole place felt scaled down. Smaller.

Eh. After more than ten years it was probably normal.

They stood still for another minute, silently letting fleeting memories and faint nostalgia wash over them. Then Angelino looked up at his best friend and smiled softly. “Wanna go down?”

***

“- I remember it being a lot bigger, don’t you?

- Nah dude, you were just short.

- Shut up, you were even shorter than I was, and that’s saying something.”

The hybrid ignored the jab at his petite frame, staring at the sky peeking out from between the foliage. He was floating on his back, half immersed into the basin. Cold water lapped at his ears now and again, drowning the world the low hum of moving water.

The basin wasn’t that deep, two meters at most, and only wide enough for about two grown adults to do the starfish without bumping into each other. So, wide enough for two of each of them.

Thanks to that and the sun heating up the stones all day, it wasn’t too cold, juste pleasantly chilly. Vinz had insisted on preparing some heating runes and sigils for some reason, and Lino had indulged him with a shrug. And even though, deep down, the hothead had been intrigued by the strange (worried?) look Angelino kept giving him while he worked his magic (heh), he decided not to ask.

The half-alien closed his eyes and filled his lungs with relatively pure air, at least compared to DMC’s usual smog.

In. Out. In and out, again.

His lead felt clear, quiet, a welcome reprieve from the constant outside noises and the numbing buzz of his own thoughts. It was nice.

Had it been worth the two-hour long bus trip full of rude and sweaty people? The forty-minute trek through the wilderness that left them breathless, dusty and bloody in some places?

Heck. Yes.

“Vinz?” he called out, eyes still closed. His voice was quiet, most of his energy having been sapped by the heat and the climbing.

His friend only acknowledged him with a hoarse, inquisitive hum. Sounded like the hothead wasn’t faring much better. Angelino took a deep breath.

“Why did we stop coming here?”

A few seconds of silence. Thinking Vinz needed him to elaborate, he kept talking. “I mean, this place is amazing. S’always been this way, our own little thing, you know? It was hard to get there, I remember that much, but it was always worth it in the end. Sure, we got older and life kinda kept kicking us into the ground, but it was still here, just a few hours away. So why-”

“You mean you don’t remember?”

Angelino cracked his eyes open; Vinz was staring at him with a tired but sharp look, slowly drifting onto the surface of the water. He blinked in confusion. “Remember what?”

His roomate let out an airy laugh, running a now chilly hand against his face. “Figures. Don’t worry it’s fine, s’not a life-or-death kind of info. Uh, do you remember earlier when I told you you almost died here once?”

The hybrid lifted an eyebrow. “Yeah, when you were fucking with me this morning.”

“I wasn’t. It happened, for real.”

“...Oh.”

His best friend was staring at the sky now, hands folded casually in his lap. He continued. “I think we were like, ten? Yeah, sounds about right. We knew this place like the back of our hands by then, so we stopped paying attention to everything so much. We got uh, reckless.”

Hid hands fidgeted with the hem of his soaked shirt. “It was kinda cold and rainy that day, so not the ideal weather to go for a swim, but we didn’t give a shit. It was still better than being with the other stupid brats.” He lifted his arm and pointed to the top of the thin waterfall, about four meters above them. “Happened riiiight there, on that ledge. Take a guess at what happened.”

Angelino rubbed the back of his head, an uncomfortable ache pooling under his palm. “Knowing us, we probably did something stupid and someone fell down.”

“Close enough. Some dumb bets were made, doesn’t matter what they were about, I slipped off the ledge and we both fell. Cuz you tried to catch me.”

The hybrid’s eyes widened. He truly didn’t remember these events at all. And the ache wasn’t going away, even if it wasn’t getting worse either.

“So yeah, we both got knocked the fuck out. Think I busted my ankle too, it hurt like a bitch for days afterwards. Anyway, I think I woke up about ten minutes later? It wasn’t too bad really, just a concussion.” Vinz distractedly ruffled a tree branch hanging low over the basin. “Still, I was pretty damn cold, and the wind had picked up so it wasn’t making anything better. But uh, I realized pretty quickly that I was just peachy compared to you.”

“That bad, huh?”

“Dude. You slid into the basin when you fell and just, soaked there in freezing water for ten minutes. Good thing you were on your back.” He shook his head. “But the thing is, spending that amount of time in the cold is bad for everyone, okay? If you’re really unlucky you get a pneumonia or some shit. You looked like you were dead. Blue skin and everything.” The hothead slid a knowing glance at his friend. “Yeah, that shade of blue. Even without the uh, context we know about now, this was pretty fucking terrifying. Also your nose was bleeding, so there was a nice big head trauma on top of everything else.”

Lino stayed silent.

“I’m not sure how I managed to get us back to the main road, because I was so numb and cold and my leg hurt and i felt like puking my guts out. And bro, no offence but you weren’t exactly a lightweight for me at the time. But we made it somehow, so that was good! But then I uh, passed out again.”

Vinz linked his eyes with Lino’s again, his tone lighter. “But hey, someone found us and got us back to the orphanage, so no one died! …Obviously, I know, shut up. I was really sick for a few days after that -heck we both were, you were out for like a week- but I got over it. The whole incident thing.”

He looked up again. “You uh, didn’t. Not completely. After that, everytime I mentioned this place, or what happened, you got really weird. Like, all distant and jumpy and not all there, you know? Some serious PTSD shit, but I was ten and dumb so I didn’t know shit about that. So I stopped mentioning it, and then you just uh, came back to normal at some point.”

The young man hummed, squinting. “...Aaaand that’s it. We never brought it up again, life kinda happened, freaky shit happened, and now we’re back here. So yeah, I was a bit worried when you told me you wanted to come back. But it went well in the end, right?”

Vinz reached out, lightly touching his best friend’s shoulder with his fingertips. His flames were a cold blue, anxiety radiating from every inch of him. “You aren’t gonna freak out on me, right....?”

Angelino hadn’t stopped looking right at him. Something warm settled onto his features. “Nah. I’m good.”

“Oh thank fuck.”

Vinz let out a nervous chuckle, covering his eye sockets with his arm. “That’s, that’s great. Because I missed this place so fucking much and I’m really glad we came back.”

The half-alien bumped their shoulder together with a small smile. “Yeah, me too. Sorry I got you in trouble.”

“No you’re not.” his childhood friend replied without malice before turning back to the sky, eye sockets slowly closing.

Angelino did the same, darkness filling his vision. The headache was gone. Not in a “I just had an epiphany and remembered everything” kind of way. He still didn’t remember. But that was fine. He was fine. He had to be.

And he sure as shit intended to stay that way, because he knew that that moron would get himself killed trying to help him if he didn’t. He understood the reasoning behind the heat sigils now (watching your friend almost die of cold twice would make anyone paranoid he guessed), but that didn’t mean he had to accept it.

He wasn’t stupid. Coming home one day to find Vinz drained and barely conscious on the couch, the very same day one of his little voodoo -wicca or whatever- thingies stopped a truck from hitting him? It didn’t take him long to put two and two together. That shit could kill him, he knew that.

He wouldn’t let Vinz put his bony ass in danger for him, not if he could help it. By not ending up at death’s door every few days like the dumbass he was.

“Hey Vinz.”

A quiet hum. Quieter than before.

“...Thanks.”

“...Dun mention it. Didja ‘member?”

Vinz was slurring. Count on this weirdo to fall asleep anywhere.

“Nope. Sorry.”

A short silence. Their hands almost touched.

“...S’okay...”

Almost.

“...can ‘member for th’both of us.”

The water was cold, but the sun kept his core warm. Vinz’ slow, even breathing, not far, never far.

He was fine.

*slaps hands on table* 28 STAB WOUNDS-

jk, nothing that extreme. but it did take me eight hours to write this, cuz those two keep escaping me how the fuck do they keep doing that.

also DON’T do what those jackasses did and fall asleep in the sun. you’ll just end up with a monster headache and sunburns.

imma go eat now bye

#mfkz #vingelino #mutafukaz

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iluvtv · 6 years

Text

Break Fast with Snack Blankets

I celebrated the Jewish New Year and the masochistic Jewish tradition of atonement by wrapping up season 3 of Difficult People. I had been waiting, savoring, delaying… but can’t seem to hold off any longer.

Finishing a secular, divisive comedy on the holiest night of the year may seem sacrilege to some but I would argue it is entirely apropos. Much like some choose to fast for their sins, this too is a masochistic “task” as once I finish I will have another ENTIRE lonely year without my dear difficult friends (and that’s counting on another season even being made at all….*).

In the spirit of the season premiere where Julie found it necessary to medicate just to survive Passover I will wager bets that I may need a tranquilizer (or two) to survive the combination of another terribly sad Yom Kippur along with the end of my annual DP fix. Thank goodness a season premier of Great News will quickly follow. While it is, perhaps a more mainstream, accessible sit-com, it also is fabulous and produced by Tina Fey. Let’s be honest I basically need something fresh to laugh at from either Pohler of Fey at all times. It should be like a law or something that their particular female dream-team is always gifting us with their comedic fruits of labor.

So, let’s debrief the season (but seriously let’s put the brief back in debrief as I am a little swamped right now, looking at menus from pricey local restaurant in hopes that my exceedingly generous client will treat me to yet another wonderful dinner —and time is of the essence).

We’ll start where I left off…

Episode 3 delves into Julie’s addiction to her Mother. Grappling with her diagnosis Billy asks Julie what the opposite of Endorphins are.

“Judaism” she replies, deadpan.

And of course it is. Hence the desperate need to self-medicate in episode 1.

In episode 4 I can’t help but notice all the subliminal and yet repetitive advertising of shitty restaurant chains (all of which happen to be in serious financial trouble according to my limited research). Why are Quizno’s, Applebees and Subway advertising with such a leftist show? What is their agenda exactly? Saving face perhaps? Or maybe Julie just really likes sandwiches on terrible bread. And if staring at Applebees doesn’t excite you here are three unbelievably relatable quotes:

Julie: I have plans later

Billy: food or tv related?

Julie: both, I'm curling up with my snack blanket to watch the lifetime movie of all lifetime movies.

Julie (to her doting man): “I need a break from the sweet snack blanket can you grab the savory one from the closet?”

(I literally own both a sweet and savory snack blanket! How am I single?!)

Julie: I know cunt moves, I respect them

And the cunts that move them.

Namaste.

(And that’s literally how I feel about yoga).

And then, of course the episode ends with Billy and his new boyfriend's first kiss taking place in front of Equinox.

And while clearly Equinox and Gay Pride do go together like me and Gay bars (never underestimate a fag hags love of only flirting with the unavailable -- I guess if the “snack blanket” didn’t cinch the deal this might explain things) Klausner and Eichner might be a bit interested in the fact that I (a girl who only flirts with the unavailable) was actually fired from the company on an unfounded accusation of sexual harassment… basically a sexist overreaction to a female saying the word vagina. I know this isn’t really relevant to our debrief but cultural relevance is cultural relevance and basically Equinox isn’t as progressive as you might think....

Which of course, brings me straight into episode 5 where Julie and Billy discover that the part of Central Park which used to be reserved for Gay hookups is now an outdoor Equinox yoga studio. So, it is basically the same thing but with a hefty price tag. Gentrification is everywhere and even fictional butt-fucking in the park isn’t free anymore. Sad face emoji.

This episode is also fabulous for its intense focus on sexism and the tremendous pressure on women to smile at all times.

Julie just can’t do it.

And that’s why we love her.

Then there is episode 6 where there are so many riffs on sex, politics and TV I don’t even know where to start. So, let’s instead discuss OpenTable’s odd arrival to the small screen. First with this quote from a casting agent to Billy and Julie:

We know from your opentable reservations neither of you have NYE plans

(Oh, fuck my life neither do I. Unless, maybe we can count watching the Season Finale of Difficult People on Yom Kippur and call it a day...?)

Later in the episode it is revealed the the aforementioned reservation platform is also “running original content”. And while they may be the one app that isn’t yet doing this I’m sure they actually are close behind. Funny cuz it’s true?

Which reminds me, I must be brief…I have my own OpenTable reservations to make...

But, before we move on I simply must mention one more sexist/tv/food related quote from this episode:

“Like the ad for yoplait where the woman gets so thin she disappeared and the man says, ‘now there's a woman I don't wanna punch’”

If that doesn’t make you lol you’re dead inside.

If you like the recurring theme of how sexist TV is, Episode 7 takes the cake. Julie (thanks to a vision board) is able to try her hand at working in a writer’s room. Clearly though, no matter how hard she tries she simply cannot make the opportunity successful because what we learn from these insiders is TV is written for men by men (though the recent 2017 Emmy’s did prove times are a-changing). The whole episode is perfect but is best summed up with this quote from the writer’s room:

"Oh no I hate women, I got into writing for tv so I could not write for them"

Meanwhile Marilyn decides to “do something for herself” (gasp, I know) and settles on a Bat Mitzvah. And while I (a Bat Mitzvah myself, actually) had no idea, she teaches us you can’t become a woman without a theme. Her theme? “ME”.

Why didn’t I think of that?

Episode 8 is a perfect representation of modern day city life. Billy and his boyfriend aren’t able to fall asleep next to each other as this quiet act is just far too intimate (I can relate). The lovebirds spend most of the episode trying to tire themselves out in a desperate attempt to move forward with their relationship. Their antics towards exhaustion are, of course, fantastic especially when the most tiring thing Billy can think of to do is calling his cousin and asking her “why she decided to take a break from social media.”

They take part in every boring, typically tourist adventure New York has to offer only to discover that those who visit their city are actually bigger freaks than those who choose to live full-time in New York. Fabulous.

Meanwhile, the two most narcissistic people on the show (Matthew and Marilyn) secretly work to manipulate the other in selfish attempts to steal the other’s identity.

And if all this wasn’t enough antics, Julie tries to return to improv only to discover she just isn’t the requisite “yes, and” girl of improvisation but does quite well with “a no but girl.” agenda

Me too Julie, me too.

And finally we have episode nine which includes an unintentional ayahuasca trip, a trans-sorority reunion vacay and most importantly a focus on the premise that the opportunity to change on a whim is available to all selfish, difficult people because we don’t have dependents. You’re welcome world.

Here are the most quotable treats:

Billy (who is feeling very over NY) on Bowling Alleys (and I suppose hipsters in general):

"It's like Poor Man: The Ride "

The team’s view of Etsy:

Julie: “Etsy’s a cult "

Billy: "except for with arts and crafts so basically it’s camp"

Yes, OMG, how did I not think of that?!

And then there is the neurotic Jewish Mother’s method of procrastination/anorexia.

Marilyn: “I should have a lemon wedge. I worked out this morning, I deserve one.”

There is one of the best public transportation scenes I have ever witnessed. I won’t even debrief it because I literally just can’t do it justice.

And then we get down to the nitty gritty: the crew accidentally do the trans-sorority girls’ ayahuasca and in a panic of the unknown Arthur finds a step-by-step guide on Miley Cyrus’s website.

Of course.

They all are on board with most of her steps (no-one even flinches in regards to vomiting) but when the thought of confronting their innermost truth they are less than thrilled.

I agree, who wants to do that?

But they do and it seems to be bliss for them all:

Marilyn enters a Marilyn only world

Matthew hallucinates a terribly fat, naked gay man in a chef’s hat, jumping

Arthur hallucinates Julie taking charge

Billy gets on a tv show and breaks up w/ NYC

And Julie’s crafting persona has a duel with her actress persona

so, basically everyone wakes up glad they did ayahuasca .

Maybe being a difficult person also means you are secretly really well adjusted?

Revelations aren’t easy but they are wonderful from this crew:

Julie reading her closing monologue which is covered in vomit: "because I do comedy I will always be on the misery spectrum...I am an unhappy person but the alternative is being someone I don't know and that, is terrifying."

Motivated to change, Billy starts looking for apartments in LA, but finds the process a wee bit exhausting (even his IMDB page must be submitted— fucking LA).

Meanwhile, the trans-sorority girls recite their pledge:

“never go on CNN to discuss Caitlyn Jenner.”

OH GOD IT’S ALL SO GOOD.

Shall we mourn it’s passing with a yahrzeit?

But before we commemorate this tragic, tragic end I’ll have the series finale recap for you shortly....

*sadly since writing this first draft the cancellation of this essential comedy has been revealed

#difficult people #julie klausner #billy eichner #codechange #rabbitversary #cindarestylox #bernie and blythe #fuzz buddies #criminal minds #sweet tea #andrea martin #cole escola #shakina nayfack

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