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annyankers · 1 year

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train tell me about your xander 👀 (please?) (also hi)

XANDDDDERRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!

OKAY SO--- for one thing I have a tag for him on here that’s xander (train’s version) (we see a pattern here lol) also my old rp blog for him is @andhaert which has some things like headcanons and aesthetics.

For starters I use Liam James, especially in his role as Billy Bennett, for my actor for Xander for a few reasons:

1. It helps mentally separate this version of Xander from canon!Xander who we all know is Very Contentious whether you think he should be or not, also helps to separate Xander from the actions of his original actor Nicholas Brendan. This is kind of a standard practice in the tumblr rp world (swapping out your actor when you find out the original is Kinda Yikes) where I started to develop my Xander Concepts more coherently and it’s stuck.

2. I think Liam works really well as an actor for Xander both in looks and acting and his role as Billy really highlights it as they’re similar characters.

3. It’s probably his most prominent role atm that I know of so it’s the easiest to get content for. He also works for me as Xander with his normal brown hair but the mohawk is the dominant look.

Moving on from there I really just like..... think about Xander in terms of what we know about him factually and textually and then separate that from the Whedon and 90s teen male tv character taints. Whedon has said that Xander is like, mary sue-ish self insert of his high school self and i feel like it shows and frankly holds his character back a LOT. I’m actually a rabid Xander stan I think he has a lot of potential and good in him. I just feel like both the writers and the fandom don’t really uh..... wanna actually engage with it or his character lol.

We know canonically that Xander comes from a poor, abusive and unstable household. We see in the show evidence of verbal and emotional abuse and heavy neglect. There’s literally a scene somewhere in S1 or S2 that I don’t wanna spend and hour finding in the transcripts where he has to remind his own mom she has a son which is played for comedy but is like um... WOW. It’s implied both of his parents are alcoholics and honestly I think his father is physically abusive (I can’t remember if it’s actually canon or not but it just you know, the Vibe is There).

I don’t think we really see? A lot of that? In how he acts? Like we do see some of it but say, compared to how much the show loves to gorge itself on Buffy’s trauma the amount of time spent on Xander’s trauma and struggles at home is laughable.

So I tend to write Xander as the true ADHD loser burnout he is and things like the dyed mohawk, ratty clothes, punk shirts and bands and skater energy Billy has just like.... Works™ for Xander. Same with the ADHD energy. Xander strikes me as a kid from a bad home with learning disabilities who’s given up on school and has turned to staying out of the house as much as possible, weed/substances, and acting out for attention as ways to cope with his shitty life. He’s sad and desperate and begging for someone to care about him and the only person who does truly give a shit about him when we meet him is Willow with whom he’s in a kinda co-dependent clingfest with because of the huge amount of insecurities they both have.

I’m genuinely sad we didn’t get skater!Xander for the whole high school era and i’m making it happen for society. It fits in soooo well with the whole Vibe the show is going for. Also I made him worse and now he likes Ska because it’s the 90s and also just look at him. Ofc Xander would like Ska. It also adds in some interesting shit with the Xander-Spike dynamic to have Xander more on the ska/skater/burnout end of punk and spike on the more trad/this is a sociopolitical statement/i’m here for the ART side of punk. It does NOT give them an immediate middle ground but it DOES give them the ability to clock each other in 0.00005 seconds. Like Spike sees him in a Descendants shirt and is like “oh I immediately know everything i need to know about you now”.

I also just think it’s more real????? I find generally with people/kids that part of why they get into subculture and special interests and such is to Cope with things. I will never forget when this dude in high school basically told me he was so in the paint for sonic the hedgehog because it was the only thing keeping him fucking sane and it altered my whole fucking concept of life and reality. I physically cannot look at sonic the same now and every time I see it I think of him and all the other people who’re into it and I’m just like “godspeed mother fuckers may you find peace in those fucking emeralds”.

Even while trying to remove the elements of his character that I think are like, creator or era taint that tends to end up skewing the conversation around him from actually being about him to being about Other Shit I don’t remove his dogshit creeper energies in like, high school, especially 1x1 to 1x6. They get better over time sure but I think it’s important to show that side of him. His dad is the Worst and Jesse-- one of his ONLY friends-- is a Massive Creep and he’s a Teen Boy. It’s really not that shocking that when he’s like 16 he just.... Sucks So Bad. All teens Kinda Suck, it’s literally part of growing up. It’s things tho like The Pack that help to start not just him changing but galvanizing others into looking out for him more.

(including the gifs as breaks in the behemoth lol kill meeeeee)

For one thing I will die on the hill that XANDER WAS ALSO A VICTIM OF THE HYENA POSSESSION AND THE SA ATTEMPT. That’s not something he’d do, want to do or ever try to do and it occurred while he did not have full autonomous control of his actions. I’ve seen some REAL DOGSHIT TAKES ON THIS ONE AND I WILL SHOOT ON SIGHT OVER THIS.

I tend to see him trying to cover it up as him trying to compartmentalize and repress the trauma of it instead of whatever the fuck THAT was in the show. I also think it really only works for so long before he loses it because I don’t think he can look Buffy in the eye without mcfucking losing it because he just feels so awful about it. Which is what prompts like..... the only moment of Giles giving a shit about Xander because he talks to him about it and helps him find a way to get some help (be it Giles himself or whatever professional-ish help they can get him given his situation and the desire to keep his parents out of it).

And that’s one of the huge differences in My Xander™ just like, he fucking-- he fucking SEES the fucking guidance counselor or some shit for you know, THE CHILD ABUSE, NEGLECT AND SA TRAUMA. Which I mean... he probably should’ve been already give how guidance counselors work but dskjghsdkfj shhhhhhh. It’s then with that, friendship, dating Cordy and Time that he starts to get less and less shitty and more Baby Boy Little Guy Meow Meow Deluxe. He still cheats on Cordy and says shitty stuff but like... there’s a noticeable overall improvement in him over S1 to S3. He’s not getting full on grade A therapy and all that but like, he’s being given a sounding board and some tools and the thing is that Xander at his core IS A VERY GOOD AND SWEET PERSON!!!! So really it’s just all about getting him to a place where all the bullshit beaten into him by his dad and SoCieTy is out of the way so he can Be A Good Boy™.

I maintain his crush on Buffy and his struggle with it over the years but I also have it kinda Die finally around S4 and then not hang around as a weird Complex for the rest of the fucking series. Seeing how he absolutely fumbled his whole relationship with Cordy and then how his relationship with Anya is going in Some Kind of Direction it all helps to finally shut the door on that for him and he really whole chestedly embraces his role as best friendboy after that. I think especially around then when he’s being a MANIAC trying to save up to gtfo out his parents’ house and Buffy’s having a Crisis about like... being a votech gal in academic world they really hardcore bond. They’re both smart but neither of them are really made for academics or classical office vibe jobs and it’s just something people like Willow and Giles will never get. It’s basically ADHD kid solidarity and they’re finally able to achieve their final friendship form without his pining issues out of the way.

I think also to make Spike’s Yoko Factor Nonsense make ANY sense Xander should actually BE SEEN CONSIDERING JOINING THE MILITARY and it’s ENTIRELY because they have that whole recruitment thing of like “join up and we pay for your education/board/etc” and he’s DESPERATE to get out of his shitty home life. Like he cannot get a half decent job for more than a fucking week, he’s desperate for money and stability and idk he didn’t die that one time on halloween and he monster hunts w/o dying either so maybe he can handle this???? and finally Escape????? but then there’s a lot of Classic Xander Strife around the choice and a genuine fear that if he leaves they’ll just... get on with their lives just fine. which would be crushing for him, that he contributed so little they just kept going with out a hitch.

Season 5 to Season 7 is really where Xander for me comes out to be just like.... the carebear godsend hero that he’s supposed to be. Like he’s talked about as the Heart of the Scoobies and Buffy’s metaphorical heart but while he does do a solid job mirroring/expressing/etc her heart he’s kind of a shitty one for the group. Like if he’s supposed to be the MOST EMPATHETIC SCOOBY IN THE GANG THEN JFC YIKES.

By S5 everyone else’s lives are like, officially starting to fall apart while Xander’s is getting more certain and more together. He’s like, Maturing. Like a fine Faygo. And even better he’s finding the balance between being Goofy Silly Mohawk Nerd Xander and like, Adult Big Boy Xander. I think that Xanya and Spuffy should be even BIGGER parallels especially in this season with Xanya being like the more wholesome human/demon romantic relationship dynamic-- basically PROVING that it CAN work-- something that can then be used to lampshade the issue in S6 when Spuffy enter toxic hookup hell. What Spike is asking for ISN’T insane, Xander and Anya ARE DOING IT!! wHaT’s ThE pRoBlEm BuFfY?!?!?!

But Anya’s human you say!!! it’s totally different!!!

Shut the fuck up she was a demon for 1,000 years, had a soul the whole time and never once feels bad for her past actions. She’s in the same boat as Spike you’re just a sheeple falling prey to the broken ass soul propaganda.

It’s also an opportunity with the solidification of his relationship with Anya as like Something Real and not young adult horny relationshiping to show how he really is as a person. Less of the belittling “helpful” comments and more him just like, genuinely LISTENING to her and LEARNING her language like we see him do when he’s Suave!Xander in 5x3. like he Hears her and then is able to almost IMMEDIATELY understand what she’s actually saying/where her anxiety is coming from. I love the idea of Xander basically always being the most kneejerk reactionary to all situations and sometimes saying Dumb Shit because of that but then also being the only one who’s brave enough to then circle back later and reevaluate his stance.

Like he’ll say something that hurts someone’s feelings then be willing to circle back unprompted and look at himself with harsh honesty and see what he did and what’s going on with him then act accordingly and adjust/apologize/reconsider his stance/etc. Basically if Buffy is a bleeding heart then Xander should be too and the thing that makes him The Heart™ and not Buffy is that unlike her he is unwilling or unable to close off his heart to anything. Buffy can face off against the hordes of Hell but will collapse under the threat of emotional honesty with even herself. Xander was raised in Hell and not unlike Angel tbh, has to constantly reevaluate his like Whole Existence to make sure he’s not becoming what he hates-- the very real and human monstrosity that his parents represent.

His whole goal in life is to not be his father. His superpower that not even Buffy has is that he’s so incredibly brave in the face of human evil, human cruelty AND emotional vulnerability. He’s been mocked, ridiculed, bullied and tormented his entire life and he’s still stayed big hearted and intensely kind when it counted his entire life. He’s open, thoughtful, understanding, empathetic and more than willing and able to put himself in the other guy’s shoes. Something none of the others can manage like... at all lol. His relationship with Anya should be in part about showing us this and it only fails because he’s like what... 21? and still working through all his bullshit around his shitty family. Not because they were a broken couple which is more the show vibe no matter how they wanna pretend like he wasn’t a shitty boyfriend to Anya for 2 seasons lol.

I think it’s important in the back end to have at least one of them still semi-functional and Xander’s already been living in “I have to do something about my life bc otherwise I will Become That Which I Fear” hell since high school. He’s the furthest along on that road and the emotional anchor of the group so ofc he fucking sam gamgee carries them all up the side of mt doom for like 2 solid seasons lol.

my depiction of Xander is always about healing, growth and the power of empathy, love and kindness. I feel like making him more subculture-y and with a certain amount of substance abuse (weed and booze mainly) makes sense given his history. I think he’s the foil to Angel and Spike (and Giles in someways) and their own explorations around toxic masculinity and masculinity in general. He unpacks the damage done by his father way more efficiently than Angel ever does and he learns how to be more emotionally open without reflexive retaliation when hurt than Spike does. He’s very much trying to get to this place where “I am. And that is enough.” sits well in his chest and permeates his life. Which is more than anyone else in either series can say LOL.

Also just like.... make the whole Xander vs the trio toxic nerd boy culture meta discussion thing actually WORK.

He also highlights in the narrative the idea of there always being another option. He’s not living the expected college life. He’s not acting or dressing like society thinks he should. He’s also found a way to thrive via construction/carpentry and finds a happy place between growing up and not giving up all the things he likes that can be considered childish or lame. He also hasn’t compromised his personality or identity to “be more mature” or “act like an adult”. He refutes the ideas that Giles keeps expressing about what he (Giles) has to do as an Adult or what Buffy should now be capable of as one by just like being a Cringey Little Dude and also Pay Taxes On Time. Like Spike he’s living and working in defiance of a society that has done nothing but hurt him but unlike Spike he’s coming from a place of optimism and compassion.

Xander SHOULD be friend shaped. He and Tara SHOULD be the go-tos on all things emotional. He should be kind, creative, open minded, empathetic, and loving all while also being Kind of a Dick sometimes. When the writers talk about how when they wanted to make the audience upset/riot they’d just put Willow in danger or emotional distress -- by the end of the show that should be Xander!!!!!! by S7 I should be RIOTING if Xander is in danger!!!!!

Also the faith-xander victims of child abuse self recognition via the other vibes oh god the faith-xander victims of child abuse self recognition via the other vibes

He’s just a silly little guy!!!! just a fun little boy!!!! just a harmless little fun-time boy!!!!!! you wouldnt sentence a silly harmless little fun-time boy!!!!! its his birthday!!!!!!

GOD THIS ISN’T EVEN ALL OF IT BUT I LOST MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT AND THIS IS SOOOOOOO LONG ALREADY FUCK

(last gif for the road bc this is massive Xander/Cordelia energy)

#train.txt #xander (train’s version)#answered

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