More doodles! I’m extremely ill abt jfkonfucius atm, thye make me lose my mind

ALSSSOOO omg these four images together rlly show how inconsistent my style is 😭 Confucius looks different in ALL of them

Episode II: Age of empire

The world as we know it wasn’t always sunshine and rainbows, once upon a time it was an age of massive power across the world, and the lives of many innocent people were taken away by the cold and sharp scythe belonging to the grim reaper...

Our story begins with Senaka of the Assyrians, a horrible brute that ruled with an iron fist, terrifying to even his own children. He reeked havoc amongst innocent villages, either taking them away as slaves or slaughtered them in cold blood. Eventually the evil tyrant was murdered by one of his sons and as a hundred years went by, the empire had fallen for terror alone was not enough to rule the vast empire. They left into the world offering very little except for one huge component that would be used even up until this day, the alphabet. Developed by the Phoenicians, the alphabet was quickly spread throughout the world, wherever these people sailed to they always left it behind. Soon many great civilizations would pick the alphabet up and develop it into their own language. The Greeks developed it and the Romans later created the basis of Latin and as for other civilizations such as the Jews, they created Hebrew and the Arabs invented Arabic. Thanks to the vast lengths the Phoenicians went to spreading the alphabet. The world would become what it is today, a civilized and educated place, all thanks to the Phoenicians.

Though the invention of the alphabet might’ve brought upon a new world of intelligence, it did not stop the age of empire, so says the Persians. A new ruthless tyrant emerged, his name was Cyrus and he would make it clear that his name would be heard across the land, and feared just like Senaka’s name once was. Cyrus would turn his attention on the capital of Lydia due to the fact that they had once attacked the Persians, he sought out revenge and was on the verge of obtaining it. Croesus, the king of Lydia was once said to have all the gold in the world, however all that wealth was far from helping him now. He was on the verge of being burned to death until his life was spared by rain, to which he prayed for to the god Apollo. Impressed, Cyrus took Croesus under him as his advisor and eventually the Persians would develop a new way of currency, the golden coin. This ingenious idea that was eventually adopted by kingdoms across the land made Cyrus seen as a wise man with great ideas. A ruthless brute turned wise ruler by listening and showing respect towards other cultures and religions. He created and enduring empire known for its progress and prosperity all throughout the land and as far as his name could reach.

Around the same time somewhere hidden in the Himalaya’s, a new way of living was about to begin and it would all start with the guidance of one man, Siddhartha Gautama. Raised with a whole lot of wealth he began to notice that life wasn’t always going to be the way it was, money wasn’t the answer to everything. He left his old life and sought out a new one, becoming a man set to find inner peace through a simple life, spending his days walking through the forrest’s of India and meditating for long periods of time. His meditation lead him to finding inner peace and eventually became known as the enlightened one A.K.A the Buddha. Though like everyone else who walks this earth, his life went by however his teachings and his wisdom were kept alive through his students. The monks he taught would spread his knowledge of peace throughout the lands, still to this day in fact. The age of empire brought upon chaos and anarchy to our world whilst the Buddha sought peace and prosperity with no violence or hierarchy, open to everyone.

While Buddha was seeking a better way to live in peace, a new way to rule was set upon us and on its way to Europe...

Athens, a place where much of our world today has gotten its influence from. Before diving into all of that we must take a stroll down memory lane, to one of the greatest battles of all time, with democracy hanging in the balance. The Greeks faced off against the Persian empire, the number one ruling power of the world at the time, going up against a tiny little army produced by Athens, soldiers of which were mere fine folk of honest jobs such as farming, store clerks, etc. The great tactic of making their army weak in the middle and strong on the sides helped push them towards a glorious victory over the Persians. The tired army of Athens were now on their way home, racing against time to be there before the rest of the Persian armada reached the capital. After the glorious victory, The Greek society would erupt into its golden age of confidence, the finest literature and culture produced in the ancient world. The great Parthenon was erected in honor of the Athenian win over the Persian empire, and most of it still stands today, proudly reminding its citizens of the heroics their lineage had brought upon them.

While democracy was happening, something was brewing far far away out in the east. 500 B.C, modern day China was ruled by the Zhou dynasty and a series of small conflicts between clans were erupting across the vast land of China. A man brought into this world with a clear vision to restore order to society and its conflicts, a civil servant by the name we know as Confucius. His ways did not do much in the higher powers of China, instead they outed him and so he sought a new way of spreading his knowledge, through small villages he came across. Eventually he passed away at the ripe old age of 72, he might’ve died believing he was a failure but his students kept his legacy alive and carried on his teachings. In time, Confucius’s ideas were finally appreciated by the rulers of China. His philosophy finally took root in Chinese society and became deeply embedded in state institutions. 

As father times clock went ticking on, the age of empire was soon to meet a man of great significance in all of history itself. 356 B.C, the son of the king of Macedonia was born and would grow up to be known as the greatest empire builder in history, his name was Alexander the Great. At the young age of twenty, he became the king of Macedonia and set his young self out on to the world, conquering the Persian empire. Though Alexander was a conquerer, he was no tyrant, in fact he was the complete opposite. Past all the battles and wars, Alexander’s true goal was to bring him and his people together along side the Persians, even if it meant some backlash was received. A true union of the east and the west, through one man and his brilliance in battle. Though Alexander’s life was short, his legacy lived on and the democratic ways of the Greeks were carried on, spreading across the middle east, to N. Africa and eventually even Asia. 

In many ways the Greek society brought upon much of what we needed in order to have a proper civilization, though without one crucial thing that was so important, we might’ve never been the civilization we are today. Socrates, a philosopher who brought on the idea to question all in ones path formed the basis of what would be known to day as freedom of speech. His philosophy was thought to be poisoning the minds of the youth, and of course the government would not have his dangerous wisdom to come knocking on their doors, for it was seen as a threat to potentially ending democracy. So, with that he was sentenced to death but even so he stuck through with his words, never once resenting them. His ideas were eventually accepted throughout time, expressing oneself and ones opinion went on to be a well respected idea. Future users of the democratic way would see that Socrates had a point, that there needed to be a freedom of speech in this world for in that way the leaders would respect the citizens words and their opinions, as a sign of respect and mutual understanding towards each other. 

In many ways the age of empire brought upon mass chaos and an abundance of trouble to our world. Death was more common than the common cold, however in life you must break a few eggs before you can get an omelette. I think that in all aspects of life throughout all of human time, no matter what humans will always make mistakes, we will run into problems, trouble, a vast wasteland of struggle. However, we strive through thick and thin, eventually coming upon a brighter tomorrow. 

- Marko Mladenovik  

10/3/19 : A new beginning

Greetings, everybody! Though it may come as a surprise to some, I have found that I am not ready to completely stop writing about my life and thoughts, and I figured that I could no longer write under the service blog since I was no longer in that program. I like the idea of a blog because it has connected me to many people who I have missed because they are far away as well as provided joy and reflection to those who were reading it. Therefore, I'll keep writing (hopefully every week) about the new things in my life as well as any reflections or thoughts I might want to share with the wide web. So, let's get to it!

I arrived home about two weeks ago (October 19th) and was picked up by my cousin, Zander, at the airport. Afterwards, we got milkshakes at Steak N Shake, and I told him funny stories about living in Sacramento. Life has been slow and fast at the same time somehow. I couldn't stay still (that's not my mourning style), so I've been working at my Aunt Karen's shop (Karen's Couture,340 S Main St, St Charles, MO 63301, https://karenscoutureboutique.com). Feel free to visit me anytime and buy some amazing merchandise ;) Meanwhile, I've been applying to a variety of jobs (postal service, recruitment, HR, history museums, medical receptionist, healthcare, community engagement, local government, legal courts, and the public library). FedEx has quickly gotten back to me and are planning to make me an offer, but I don't think I'll take it since it's not really what I'm passionate about. I applied for FedEx and many other jobs unrelated to my degree the day after returning from Sacramento, but now that it's been about two weeks, I have had some time to reflect on things. I think I purposefully applied for a job like FedEx because I knew I would be hired quickly. When I first returned from Sacramento, I wanted to move on very quickly and not think about what I was leaving behind and how that made me feel (my community mates and like someone smashed my heart with a sledgehammer). I felt FedEx would be a job where I would not be constantly challenged and filled with self-doubt because it would be very straight-forward with very little risk-taking involved. I felt so incredibly burnt-out and unwanted/incompetent when I first returned home, but I feel a lot better now. To put it simply, since I was fired from my last job, I wanted a job where I knew I would never be fired or my competence questioned so intensely/frequently.

 I'm still hurting and filled with self-doubt, but I'm gradually healing from what happened. It's been harder to move on than I thought it would be, especially since I'm still so close with the ones I left behind in Sacramento. Even though me and my community members try to speak on the phone or Facetime whenever possible, I still acutely feel their absence. It hurts to see them moving on, even though I know and wish for them to do so. More than anything, I want to be back with them, growing closer and doing fun things together. I'm visiting them from December 13-15th for their regional Christmas party, and I'm excited to see everyone again, but I also know that I will have to leave again which will be enormously hard. After what has happened to me, my soul still feels very small, and my heart is still broken, but I also see a light shining brightly above me, always. There are many moments when I want to seek out revenge for the way I was treated. Maybe one day I will get my revenge, and people will lose something precious like I did, will hurt so deeply like I did. I find a part of myself wanting/needing wealth and power so that I can feel safe again. I want to ensure that I will never be hurt again and therefore should protect myself with what society says will elevate me, like money, a house, fame, success, and a cold heart and mute conscious. However, I know that is not right, and I want to keep living genuinely and being vulnerable because it hurts a lot more but it makes life way more beautiful than if I just shut out all my feelings and work on protecting myself. A house won't protect me. Neither will money. Life does not owe us anything, and there are no guarantees in this world, so I need to live accordingly.

 I'm very easily slipping back into my life in St. Louis, thanks to all my friends and family who welcomed me with warm hugs and promises of retaliation against those who hurt me on my behalf (that German/Irish culture is showing, haha). Tonight, I had dinner with my Pa, a tradition that is held every Sunday at his house and very special to me (we order Imo's Pizza and drink Diet Pepsi while chatting about the newest episode of 60 minutes or our favorite family stories). My grandpa and great-aunt were so happy to see me, and it warmed my heart a little with gratitude that I was able to spend such precious time with them again. Something that I had worried about when I was in Sacramento was that something could happen to my Pa, great-aunt, or any other family member while I was gone. One of my greatest fears was that if something happened, I wouldn't be able to get home in time to say goodbye or help in any way. I was missing priceless moments with my family, and that bothered me. Now that I am back, that fear can be put to rest.

 I've been trying to consciously do the activities that most brought me joy since I've been back. The first Thursday I was back, I went to Club Viva for salsa dancing and was welcomed back with a hero's welcome. There were many hugs and comforting words, which made my heart grow three sizes, like the Grinch (it's never too early to celebrate Christmas!) The club owner, Caesar, was so happy to see me and kept coming over all night to see how I was doing and to tell me how happy he was that I was here. My salsa/bachata/merengue/cumbia/cha-cha technique was a little rusty since I hadn't really been dancing in Sacramento, but otherwise, I had a great time dancing and hanging out with my salsa friends (plus I super duper missed their mojitos-best in all of St. Louis city, I tell ya). On Saturday night, I attended Club Viva's costume party as an angel and was forced by my friends to enter the costume contest (no, I didn't win, but Jessica Rabbit did). One of my friends, Kristine, was dressed as Mary Poppins, which was absolutely hilarious.

 When I'm not at salsa, I'm spending time with my friends who I missed and who missed me A LOT. One night, me and my friend Hanna made our own pizzas from scratch (with dough from Trader Joe's) and watched the very artsy movie, Midsommar. On Wednesday nights, I've been carrying on the longtime undergraduate-graduate school tradition of getting pizza at Pickleman's and then sneaking into one of the buildings on Saint Louis University's campus to watch a movie on their nice projector screens with my cousin Zander. I'm hoping I can also keep my Saturday nights open for trivia at Fuzzy's Tacos to play trivia with my friend, Skylar.

 Since being back, I've been invited and included in so many things which I'm very grateful for. On Halloween, I went to a party at Big Daddy's Bar on the Landing that was meant for Saint Louis University law students (I went with some of my friends who are currently students there). I dressed as the Virgin Mary, Mother of God, and I was given many compliments that night as well as many people bowing down before me and making the sign of the cross at me from across the bar (lol). I visited my friends, Liz and Kim's, new apartment, WHICH NOW HAS A TINY BEAUTIFUL KITTEN IN IT. His name is Desmond, and I've already decided that I would die for him a thousand times over. He was a stray and abandoned by his mom, but Liz found him, and then she and Kim adopted him. I held him until he fell asleep in my arms, and I felt my entire self melt with joy and contentment at experiencing such a beautiful moment. Liz is completely right when she says that Desmond is "great self-care". I'm very honored to be able to babysit him next month, so expect a lot of cute selfies of us on Facebook.

 A fun, new development is that I am traveling to Budapest with my mom from November 10th-22nd! She is teaching a law class in Budapest and invited me to join her since I am currently unemployed. We will also be visiting Prague which everyone says is amazing, so I am really excited and open to this new experience. One thing that I've always been dying to see is the Sedlec Ossuary "Bone Church" which is a very old church made entirely of real human skeletons! I understand that some people may find this disturbing, but I also spent the day of my 21st birthday in the underground catacombs of Paris, so this is right up my alley. We are also interested in visiting the famous thermal baths and paying our respects at the memorials for those killed by the Fascists during World War II.

  I'm also incredibly grateful for my opportunities to babysit so I can save up money for a dog or to buy souvenirs in Budapest. I've already babysat the twins and felt many years younger than I actually am-just by being around their childish wonder. At first, I was worried about what parents would think about me supervising their children since my last supervisor fired me on the grounds that I was incapable of keeping children safe, but it seems like that fear has been unfounded as evidenced by my flood of requests from parents all over St. Louis to babysit their children (insert emoji of me painting my nails).

 Lastly, the name of my blog is "wherever I'm goin'" due to my love of the quote by Confucius that is "Wherever you go, go with all your heart." I love this quote because it speaks to the impermanence of life and how important it is to do whatever you do with all your heart. I've never really been one to do things with half a heart, but I think it's still a great quote for me to live by and remember as I continue on with my life...going wherever I will go.

MK