It wasn't super intentional... but ended up with a lot of power fantasy of uprooting a corrupt government and taking out those who enforced it that were in power within the Bleeding Magic AU.

I wish life would imitate art with that.

It really just be like:

Lucy: The system is broken and must be fixed. Jayce: The system is working as intended and must be destroyed.

Finally got on setting up a pool for Matteo's vet bills bc it's been hard to keep up with work while I've been so emotionally drained trying to watch and spend time with him since Sep.  He's our baby boy but also expensive. 

I kept being unsure how to set one up with the PayPal changes but it still has a fundraiser option I guess. It only lasts for a month tho. $3,000 is just the rough estimate of how much his bills have cost since Sep and I'm waaay behind on covering losses... Anything helps. Pls spread if you can.

It's a special boy's 7th hatching day today!~ 💚🦜🎂

We made some snow creachers today

A snail and... a lil guy.

I never want to say anything & be a bother or sound like I'm desperate, but I am very lonely and have very little social life online and offline and idk what to do about it, but don't think I'm good at making and keeping friends bc I'm too annoying with my hyperfixations. 🙃

Don't want to be self-deprecating, but damn...

Tell ya what, it does suck to be in a fandom that doesn't really exist. OTL

And for those very few out there that like the same thing but for entirely different reasons. And then the version I've made up in AU is different from the canon material anyway. 😔

I just wish there were people to talk to about it sometimes....

I finally got to see IDKHow live yesterday and it was great to do that~ I've been enjoying his music for quite a while now and was bummed I missed when he was on tour for Razzmatazz before, but was glad to get a chance this time not too far!

I hadn't been to a concert since 2019 so it was nice for a change, but tiring. I'm just really glad they played Clusterhug~

Been obsessively listening to this album lately. Just thought I'd share lol The whole album is mostly fun and fast pace except for the first and last song. Last one goes fucking hard on the religious trauma. All these songs live in my head rent free.

Need to stop overwhelming myself when I want to post art and overthinking which order I do things in and getting hung up about posting old art and also about feeling I have to explain things and being in the mood to post but not explain all the story stuff that goes with it.....

Finally watched Wish tonight.

Hmm... woof. 💀

Damn. Christmas really just kind of happened this year... Most of the holidays did unfortunately.

We at least looked at more lights this year and took more walks with that this year and I'm happy for that~

I do really miss when I'd get people in my streams and talking. It's the only socialization I really get. Kind of hate that Picarto doesn't really show viewer count either, so I have no idea if I'm even drawing for anyone for hours and if I wanted to draw alone, I wouldn't bother streaming, you know? :/

I know I'm not always streaming at the best times of day, but I feel like it hardly ever matters either way. I just don't get anyone these days and I wonder who even ends up seeing the posts.

People probably won't even see this post.

At least 3 car alarms went off all at once from those fireworks lol

happy new year

Took a depression nap too late in the evening and just hoping I can fall back asleep at some point so I don't ruin my sleep schedule even more, esp bc I have an appointment tomorrow.

You know. I really hate that popular post about me struggling to draw buildings that people added on to saying "do it in 3D first and trace over it" and other things that can be helpful but....

MY ISSUE WAS THAT I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO EVEN START WITH MAKING A GOOD LOOKING BUILDING AND EVERYONE SKIPS OVER

STEP 1) KNOWING HOW TO MAKE A BUILDING OUTSIDE OF JUST A BOX!!!

These tips don't help me!!! I don't understand creating architecture!!! I was literally using Sketchup (the 3D program everyone on the post recommended) when I made the damn post and I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE ANYTHING LOOK LIKE A FUCKING BUILDING IN THAT EITHER BC I AM INCOMPETENT AND NEEDED HELP!!

I've still been trying for years with reference and STILL feel like all I can do is copy them directly bc inanimate objects don't work in my mind's eye the same as organic beings, and I don't know why, but it makes it so I go into the creation process blind and it drives me nuts and I hate it and I hate that all these years later I still haven't even improved on it much and I feel like shit for it. That post just makes me feel worse every time it comes around ffff (Granted I did fall off drawing for a good few years too so that didn't help, but still.)

Shit sucks.

I am just no good with doing buildings from combining my knowledge from refs bc I feel like I retain any of that specific knowledge for some reason. :(((

It's like if I said "I don't know how to mold clay" and everyone gave me info on which clay to buy and how to bake it properly, BUT NOT ANY TIPS ON HOW TO ACTUALLY FUCKING MOLD THE CLAY INTO THINGS!!!

Spent most of last night in the ER (8pm to 2:30am) for extreme fatigue I've been having this last week and some intense arm weakness in both but mostly left side. With my heart issues as is, it felt like a decent concern, but I still put it off till later to do anything. I kept hoping it would go away but it hasn't.

Unfortunately didn't find anything then but now I have a referral to neurology at least that I need to follow up with soon. (Sigh) It's just exhausting never having answers but always feeling like shit. I hope this isn't the new norm again and maybe it's just from trying different meds or whatever.

But wow, the one nurse TOTALLY fucked up my arm and now I have even more arm weakness/soreness on both with how much I got stuck. :') I have a pic of the bruise on my dominant arm under the cut ffff idk how you fuck that up so bad.