Gravemaiden’s Cover Post

Hello there!

I’m a little late to this party (that’s what I get for leaving this sitting in my queue), but have you had the opportunity to look at the Gravemaidens cover in its full glory yet? Take a look!

It’s absolutely stunning, and something that caught my eye was that tagline: “Beauty is a sacrifice”. Well, that’s certainly true, and it also rings true in the book. The book follows Kammani, a young woman healer who has decided in desperation to save her sister Nanaea from dying alongside the ailing king as tradition would dictate. It’s and honorable and beautiful thing that these maidens will join the king in the afterlife. In some ways, the tagline can be taken literally, three beautiful maidens sacrificed for the sake of tradition. More subtly, the book also looks at how outward beauty becomes sacrifice. Ms. Coon hints that she’s added makeup within the story of her book, and also has an obsession with Ipsy. I myself do enjoy occasionally using makeup to help myself feel more confident or to hide those pesky blemishes. The use of makeup in this story is well suited, after all, makeup can be used to beautify someone as well as deceive, hiding imperfections or flaws.

Another thought that I had while looking at the tagline was the sacrifice of beauty for truth. There’s a scene within the book that I can’t spoil, but essentially boils down to actions have consequences. Would you speak out against an injustice if it meant your body would physically suffer the consequences should the truth be proven otherwise? Though I don’t perceive myself as a terribly vain person, I would certainly think twice about it. Within the setting of this book, it almost seems like beauty or being beautiful is a heavy responsibility. At times it comes at a steep cost, one that Kammani is not willing to pay.

If I’ve piqued your interest, definitely go and pre-order Gravemaidens! Without spoiling you, it’s a phenomenal book with some complex characters, and if you’re into strong female relationships...especially sisterly ones, this is the book for you.

Crunchyroll Features' Favorite Anime of Fall 2018!

The Fall season, and 2018 anime with it, are finished. We’re looking at a lot of big anime titles wrapping around into 2019, so now is the perfect time for our editors to honor our favorites from this season before the Winter premieres begin. This was a huge season with a ton of big returning titles, so it was particularly hard selecting our Top 3 from the season. You can check out our top anime from summer season, see how our picks compare to our most anticipated titles, or scroll down and check out our favorites!

Peter Fobian

Fall 2018 was absolutely ridiculous. The season looked huge going into it with the shonen fighter RADIANT, returning giants JoJo AND SAO, and 2 mega hyped isekai in Goblin Slayer and Slime. Oh yeah, also a new TRIGGER anime. Then it got EVEN BIGGER with some unknown quantities turning into awesome favorites. We’re still riding the crest of this wave into Winter as so many of the top series are continuing, but the ones that are coming to an end this year really left an impression on me.

ZOMBIE LAND SAGA

This might be the single biggest anime dark horse that has emerged since I started following seasonal anime and that was kind of part of its design. Everything from the show to the promotion was masterfully orchestrated, with the studio giving away little more than the title and Mamoru Miyano’s gorgeous face leading into the season. The way this anime took both tourism and idol anime to the extreme with one of the best concepts and pretty meta. The writing was on point, the comedic timing was perfect, and it even had great emotional beats. I’m really hoping a few of those loose plot threads mean a season 2 because this anime could easily deliver more.

SSSS.GRIDMAN

I watched the first episode of this series back at Anime Expo 2018 and was extremely surprised at how serious it felt. Although it loosened up during the fight scenes, Gridman has to be TRIGGER’s most reserved project to date with some really great storyboards, character drama, and a slowburn mystery that are typically absent from their high-octane visual circuses. It even stuck the landing. This series wasn’t just good in its own right, but really proved TRIGGER is about to deliver in multiple styles of storytelling.

Golden Kamuy

There's never enough space to talk about all the good things in Golden Kamuy. The story is an amazing treasure hunt/survival game in a wonderfully articulated historical set piece of Hokkaido, Japan following the Russo-Japanese War. The characters are as adorable as they are psychotic. The mysteries just keep building up. The violence is magnificent. The food looks delicious. This manga has a the best bit of everything and continually shows new faces as the story develops. Hopefully the wait for more of the manga wont be too long.

Ricky Soberano

Woo! This fall season has been a chock full of great anime that varied from each other in many aspects so I ended up staying consistently caught up with almost everything that came out this season and shows that haven’t stopped going. Trying to pick three took many rounds of questioning from myself to the people that I care about and the conclusion was ‘Ricky loved everything.’ However I came up with my top three by only choosing the ones that made me 110% happy every single time I clicked to watch the latest episode.

Fairy Tail Final Season

  I’ve been a diehard Fairy Tail fan since the beginning (tattoo on my hip for proof) and frankly I’ve cried during every episode this season simply knowing that there will be no more of this amazing shonen that has saved my life more than once after this is done. This season exceeds expectations by not only doing a victory lap and bringing on almost every character that has ever shown up in the show but also by tying up every loose end, answering every burning question, and naturally showing every individual guild member’s badass power has gotten to a level so high up that one could barely fathom. Each episode has me screaming at the screen from the new insane revelation that they just revealed.

As Miss Beelzebub Likes It.

  I don’t usually watch cute anime. However watching Beelzebub be super encapsulated by the presence of fluffy things, show her an affinity for tasty snaccs, and captivation for adorable animals pulled me into a hug as warm as an alpaca sweater and I never want it to stop. The color palette of pastel glory has kept me in a happy mood all season and the stories told are ridiculous but make for a never ending sweet dream.

Run with the Wind

  This was a wild card for me since I may’ve ran track on high competitive levels but I don’t have a preference to sports anime. However the cast of 10’s journeys not only as runners but also as individuals take place with such high stakes on the line made it hard to not want to continue watching especially since the show did well to realistically show competitive running and the realistic sacrifices and training that goes behind it. With such high tension and drama circulating, I was truly on the edge of my seat the entirety of every single episode.

Nate Ming

Y'know, I thought I was gonna watch more JoJo… but I got my mom into JoJo over Christmas break, so that's gotta count for something. From retail hell to the frozen wilderness of Hokkaido to the sacred ring, my Fall 2018 season was full of emotional ups and downs… and I'm still screaming about that season finale for Golden Kamuy.

Skull-faced Bookseller Honda-san

All the built-up trauma from working retail and customer service for almost half my life came back in one huge wave with Skull-faced Bookseller Honda-san. No anime this season has made me laugh so hard I pulled a muscle (I'm not joking), and no anime this season has made me curl up in the fetal position remembering the insanity of working a Harry Potter book launch at Borders. But aside from all that, Honda-san himself is refreshingly positive and upbeat--work is work, it's tiring and frustrating, but if you love what you do and like sending customers home happy, it's all worth it in the end.

Golden Kamuy

The treacherous journey to find the stolen Ainu gold continued with a second season, bringing back our favorite characters while introducing plenty of new faces. Unexpected team-ups, shuffling of group rosters, and then pitting everybody against each other kept me watching every week, needing to know what was coming next--and that infuriating season finale means I'm absolutely tuning in for whenever season 3 starts airing.

Hinomaru Sumo

I keep joking that "no cowards allowed" is the tagline for this intense adaptation of the Weekly Jump manga, and it's a pretty fair assessment: characters may feel doubt and fear, they may question the decisions that led them to get into the ring, but there's nowhere to run in sumo, so finish the fight and worry about the details later. This show has so much heart, and I'm here to continue cheering for Hinomaru and team into 2019 as we head into its second cour.

Nicole Mejias

I gotta say, this fall season was STACKED with a whole bunch of great shows from start to finish! It was a season where my queue was at its fullest and trying to find time every week was actually a bit challenging to make sure I watched everything. There were so many shows that I ended up liking way more than I thought I would, so it was difficult to pick a top 3, and in some cases I feel my top 3 are mostly continuing from things I really enjoyed before, or last season; but that said, this was a tough season, and if I had more than 3 slots, I’d be in even more trouble picking!

Golden Kamuy

Golden Kamuy is a must-have on my list, and frankly should be on almost everyone's! I really had no idea what to expect from the series when I first heard about it, but whatever I thought it was, Golden Kamuy surprised me with it's amazing characters, fast and severe action, and its balance of comedy and suspense. As the second season draws to a close and some of the serious questions are about to be answered, I'll be waiting to see what's next for Sugimoto and Asirpa in the future. I probably would never get tired of this series, so I'm hoping we hear about a new season soon. Golden Kamuy is a series of feel almost anyone can enjoy, and I hope more people get sucked into it like I did!

JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Golden Wind

JoJo's is one of my favorite series of all, and when Golden Wind got announced I was extremely excited to see what was in store for me, since it was the JoJo part I knew the least about. Part 5 really does have a unique feel to it, from the mafia trappings to the unique and interesting Stand abilities, and now that things are really getting underway, I'm excited to see what's next! Giorno and the rest of the gang are quickly becoming one of my favorite collections of JoJo heroes, with their mix of fun chemistry and personalities, and I can just see Part 5 being in my favorite anime lists throughout 2019 too!

That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime

I'll be honest: I'm not a big isekai fan. I've never really found the power fantasy aspect of them interesting, and so I've usually found myself giving them a few episodes before getting bored or finding myself watching something else. Slime really grabbed me, though, because from the first parts of episode 1, I thought I was in for a similar experience, but it soon turned things on their heads! While Rimuru is super powerful, the world built in Slime is fascinating, and all of the interactions between characters is great. Also, seeing Rimuru put the smack down on baddies is incredibly satisfying! I'm excited to see where this series goes and how Rimuru's little collection of followers and hangers on grow!

And that's our editor's favorites for the Fall 2018 season! I'm surprised no anime got repeated twice except for Golden Kamuy with 3 votes, which is a fitting send off to an awesome series that reached its conclusion this year after an insane climax. But there's more to come. Prepare yourself for tomorrow when we'll be putting up our most anticipated titles for Winter 2019!

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Peter Fobian is an Associate Features Editor for Crunchyroll, author of Monthly Mangaka Spotlight, writer for Anime Academy, and contributor at Anime Feminist. You can follow him on Twitter @PeterFobian.

By: [email protected]

ABEO Invicta - Class Prophecy

Dropping it here so old posts don’t get read lol.

A revelation from the Higher Being, which was bestowed shows the ABEO Invicta on what must soon take place. This was made known by sending me a vision, I testify to everything I saw – the people who hear this may or may not take to heart of what is written, because the time is near.

I turned around to see the scenery that was before me. And when I turned, I saw five doors, and each door leads to different futures, the five doors are paths that each person from the ABEO Invicta chose to tread, whatever lies ahead, will have been or will not be the choices they made.

As I slowly turned the knob of the first door, I saw that there was a wide field, it was filled with countless of chances and coupons of hope, the sky was clear and blue and the ground smelled like rain kissing the grass and one can see a vivid display of a rainbow; and in there, I saw Maxine​, who will realize that she has always been more than enough, and she will be able to give the life she strived for her family. In a ​kombong​, and with her long-time lover, she adds more graffiti ​on the walls of Marawi, spreading love and not war! One day, she will also try her luck in Masterchef Australia, but unfortunately, be eliminated over a horrible plating. Speaking of food, ​Neil ​inherits Holy Halo, levels up his charisma and interpersonal skills, which prompts his confidence to skyrocket even more with nowhere to contain it. And then it shifted to a more, familiar face, ​Kirstie​, her exposure with Indians brought her to ​a whole new world​, paving the way to travels and explorations of Asian culture which she writes on her columns in a magazine but Kirstie isn’t the only one capable of swooning men of different colors, but also ​Rodrick​! A number of them love his ​diction and his love for art and aesthetics. And in that magazine, the Gazette, ​Sittie – now Dr. Sittie Aslimah Malaco, gets featured for being a writer on her cultural heritage and is now among the highly recommended candidates for a leadership position in the MSU system and in occasion, meet-ups with ​Bea​, a spazzer and a content writer in All-KPop, a renowned site for KPop News who rediscovers herself and tries to puzzle herself back piece by piece in a steady but secure pace. Speaking of spazzing ang rediscovering the self, ​MaTet stands next to her. Like Bea, she’s still getting butterflies from her KPop idols and when she’s not, she uses her incredible ​patience for her teaching job at a Special Ed school. And ​Doreen​, oh our lovely goddess​, Doreen, continues ​to not claim a man, but own them, and has been getting ​breaststroke lessons from them ever since. She also revolutionizes pageantry by finding a way on how to stop these events in objectifying women. She paves the way for ​Azrael’​s two beautiful babies, by being their surrogate mother. Azra is happily married with a super hot Spanish man and lives in a beautiful bungalow located along the coast of Santorini in Greece. A beautiful surprise just like ​Sam’​ s, wherein after graduation, a small time talent scout found her, recruited and trained her which then boomed after 10 years, with her as the face of their agency. She is also a part-time secretary at a company. Of self-discoveries and dreams, Ralph​, becomes the John Green of the batch, writes melancholic but woke entries with a cigarette on hand and a glass of vodka beside beautifully disorganized drafts, in a quiet city night inside his apartment playing his indie music vibe.

After this, I went back out of the door, and proceeded to the second door, a lot of them chose to mold the minds of the next generation, the field was occupied with children looking up at several adults. ​Ave was one of them, an English professor at Misamis University after taking up her Masters degree, co-working with ​Eurey​, who followed her mother’s footsteps, and finally had her ​first long-term boyfriend​. But for ​Grace,​ a long-term boyfriend should be promoted to being a husband, and temporary kilays should be made permanent! ​Tiis ganda, no more! For surprises, everyone thought that ​Renz would become a PBA basketball player or a regular in Barangay Ligas​, but he becomes an elementary teacher while simultaneously teaching them to become the next ring legend. However, some things never change, he still continues to carry his big, bloated, and heavy bag that he has been carrying since college. Another surprise is Jocel​’s, she becomes a kindergarten teacher, out of curiosity on how the ​sociocognitive and language acquisition process happens in the human mind. Children are the perfect example for this process, and witnessing this over and over, never fails to fascinate her just like how Ate Koy ​continues to mold young minds in and out of the four corners of her classroom and has married with Sir Andrew, with her own beautiful kids who inherited her ​husband’s crazy beautiful curly hair. ​Ate Christine ​joins this group as well, she’s still the same quiet yet strict lady who is now a young school Principal that shows the children grace and simplicity. Another Ate in the field is Elaine, after a strong recommendation from the department, becomes a lecturer and then to being an English professor, by finishing her masters degree in MSU-IIT and will pursue her doctorate, where she will meet her first and last love of her life. Also in the same field is Danielle​, who still swears like a traffic horn, will be bagging awards in each of h r performances, and will be a dance and acting teacher in her own studio. She still performs along with her fiance, the critically-acclaimed Sir Michael Lagura, but dedicates most of her time to nurturing potential theater actors and actresses. These eight people, carry with them the power to unfold the minds of the youth and breed their confidence.

After this, I went back out of the door, and proceeded to the third door, those who were not afraid to strongly raise their voice for the unheard, and did not take neutrality for an answer. Their field was packed with an endless queue of people, patiently waiting for their turn to pour out and throw their weight to the persons at the end of the line which I can barely see. And so I walked over to see who were there and I saw ​Maegan​, still a very kind snowflake who also runs her own ​petshop​, becomes an animal advocate. Beside her was ​Lovely​, now a ​Pastora in a megachurch, and is giving everyone on the same field, a life-changing and anointed testimony that makes cold hearts beat again and dead dreams come alive again. ​AG and ​Ate Nikki​, are along the same lines with her – both of them become even more active leaders; AG, now a journalist in the Hope Channel while simultaneously trying to finish her masters degree and Ate Nikki, now the president of CARP, travels around the country to spread their advocacies. And advocacies are only ideas not unless there is a good promoter for that, like ​Fritz​, she continues to live up to her Moana persona as she ventures into many remote parts of Mindanao for a non-profit organization that holds educational and charitable works for environmental advocacies. Eventually, she settles down in Camiguin, where a lot of beautiful sunsets and ocean waters can be regularly seen. Contrary to beaches, I see ​Ate Patch, married to June, away from the city life in their quaint house with lovely cats roaming about. By way of art and writing books, as her living and advocates for destigmatizing mental illness through her works. The last in the circle is ​Lureva​, she finds her strength and confidence once again, where she becomes the president for Gabriella, an organization for women empowerment, she uses this platform to promote feminism, and abolish patriarchal dominance.

After this, I went back out of the door, and proceeded to the fourth door, are those who chose to represent, persuade, enlighten or discourage the public interest. In the field, I immediately saw Kuya JP​, a journalist and a researcher under the famous TV program, ​Kapuso Mo Jessica

Soho​, which helped him to be more ​longsuffering and modest ​towards other people. I also saw Ate Enya​, who becomes a filmmaker with a popular blog and holds online classes for aspiring filmmakers. Her first Masterclass was actually aired online a week ago. And of course, wher Ate Enya is, there is always the other half, ​Kuya Jzac​, a spazzer, who has gone in and out of South Korea and several countries to shoot, and study pop culture for a column in Sparkling! In that same pop culture, includes ​Kuya Roy​, a rockstar who has recently finished their second national tour and now owns a recording studio. Traveling countries have never been better, especially if they are for free! Flight attendant, Ivan​, now a revolutionary artist leaves each country he flies into with mind-numbing artworks, he also still accepts commissions on making lovely Powerpoint Presentations but he can now also make Keynote and Prezi presentation. And on presentations, nobody imagined that ​Shaira would be the brainmother of this era’s famous cosmetic taglines, she works for Teen Vogue and gets invited to speak on seminar-workshops to train young students who are into Journalism. She occasionally asks a lot of questions in our old groupchat. Another kind of presentation is ​Catherine’s​, where after graduation, she landed a few minor local modeling gigs, mostly for commercial products. She was then scouted by Mercator Artist and Model Management, a talent and model agency that housed some of the biggest models in the country including Miss Universe 2018 Catriona Gray, and has since then graced the Philippine television with her doll face. She also cover songs which can be found in her Youtube channel, some of which features Zarinah. Where they get all of these gadgets, instruments, equipments and all the technicalities? Of course, none other than from ​Peer​, who now goes around the country because he works as media advisor for a company who almost has everything, they loan and refer to him. ​Keanne​, also works on the same company who has now become a full-time IT specialist, still wearing that chinky-eyed smile. 

After this, I went back out of the door, and proceeded to the last and fifth door, in that field, are those who chose to protect and to promote the common welfare and those who have the passion to change in order for others to do great things. In the field, I only see a car, inside are a band of people you never thought we be in the same ride, behind the wheel is Zarinah​, the career woman. A lawyer with a voice worthy of being a pop music royalty, she’s the first ever lawyer in history who sings her opening speeches. Impressive, right? Sitting beside her is Claire, known for her unconventional ways, a rad lawyer who fights for LGBTQIA+ rights, perhaps she is one of the most influential lawyers in the media. At the back, ​Sheila​, former SK chairman, is now an active councillor of their city all the while actively playing volleyball leagues and sports events around Mindanao often crossing paths with multi-sport athlete veteran Lakandula who organizes more and more sports events throughout the country. Sometimes, h tries to wear ​pants on these events instead of his comfy shorts and casual slippers. ​Jolly, wins life one case at a time, putting criminals behind bars, in particular, those who continue to perpetuate misogynistic crimes. And proves to the world, or to the Universe rather​, that women empowerment can also be channelled in pageantry; there’s also ​Mia​, an ​angry lawyer. When she’s not walking around the court convincing people why justice should be served to the rightful, she’s in her fine house, writing fan fictions with LGBTQIA+ themes whilst tending to the needs of her eleven puppies and her wife, M. There to calm her is ​Jacky​, who works at the Municipal Office of Bacolod LDN, finally attaining a permanent position. She still continues to change her hair color​, but this time going for revolutionary colors such as neon orange, highlighter green, and mustard yellow, until such time that her hair has had enough of it and it starts to fall off her head. Not able to deal with the severity of her hair loss, she made the difficult decision to shave it all off and she decides to rock a bald head, serving mannequin realness. The most special of all the batch’s women of power was ​Jam,​ because of her love for film, she finally fulfills her dream to visit Hollywood. And as the ​first female chancellor of the MSU System​, she advocates for animal welfare, especially for cats. She also advocates for destabilizing stigmas on mental health. This advocacy is implemented to the institute that caused for the decrease of suicide attempts. I realize that visions are given to remind us that we can choose which dreams to pursue or to reignite a dying fire. It guides us to the right path and to the right destination. It also encourages our hearts and gives us strength in every good thing we do or say. Now, is the time to take that step and make no delay. 

 All those, only to be jolted back from reality – in front of me, is the scenery outside of my bus’ window blindingly disappearing from my eyesight the moment I try to focus on it. And then, the road becomes familiar, other than the several infrastructures and population added. It was just like the first time I travelled here for my freshman year. And after everything, I never also would have thought that I would come back to Iligan and attend my first ABEO Alumni Homecoming party.

My Daily Affirmations

(I opened for Tig Notaro in September of 2011 at a very cool little bar in Omaha called The Sydney. Its the same place I did my first stand up set and a lot of drugs. I love it dearly. Tig was great, such an awesome comedian. It was in the era of OK Party Comedy where we had a good relationship with a comedy tour manager who would try and route people our way even though we couldn't offer tons of money or much of anything else. Those were truly the best times.)

(To be read in the morning after waking up before your morning bath, not during!)

IDT,

   Today is the day!  It’s time to harness some forward momentum and make some positive life changes.  Like the movie Click starring Adam Sandler…the part where he realizes that dying from being fat is scary and awful and he quits being a dick to his hot wife and sexy kids…not the other stuff.  Try to avoid thinking about how you cried in front of your friends the first time you watched the movie Click, you will just spend the rest of your day thinking about the consequences of owning a magical remote control, rather than making positive forward progress.

   Today is the day that you start all of the personal and professional projects you have been putting off.  No more time wasting!  Remember that documentary you watched on Netflix about an all natural juice diet (That fat man became so much less fat!)…you are starting that diet today!  At the very least put a juice in your Amazon queue and check on it once every couple of months.  What about the  other documentary about cutting processed foods out of your diet to cure your diseases and become a better human being?  You are starting that today as well (at this point you resemble a sad pregnant teenager, but without all of the glamour).  Stop enjoying food and start hating yourself more!  What about the documentary you watched about ethnic genocide in Africa?  You should probably not do that today, that was terrible and sad…but keep that in your mind so you avoid any genocides while making juice and eating food from Trader Joe’s (sidenote: double check to make sure Trader Joe was not involved in any African genocides)

   All of those barely started screen plays, sketches, and dragon sex fantasy novels?  Today is the day you finally make an honest effort to become a “real” writer and finish ALL OF THEM!  That will require you not being a lazy idiot, so change everything about yourself.   Your best chance at getting super rich is the pitch for the movie you came up with called “Jesus! Hockey?”  Tagline: Jesus Doesn’t Save…He Scores”  Everyone wants to see a movie about Jesus returning to Earth from space to play hockey.  Think The Mighty Ducks meets Encino Man meets that Bible movie (see if we can’t get Sandler to play Jesus…he would be PERFECT!).  The sketch you wrote about “The Negro League of Extraordinary Gentlemen” (MLK, Reggie Jackson, Eli Whitney, Fredrick Douglas, and Tyrese)?  You might need to re-think that one.  Maybe just Tyrese…if all else fails just stick with what you know and love...sexy dragons..  Today is the day your dreams come true!

   Get in front of the bathroom mirror and read the following out loud to yourself in a non-hysterical voice (for once):

- I will be healthy and happy.

- I will not eat in the bath tub while taking a bath, or if I do I will not tell anyone about it (even if it makes total sense and cuts out the middle man known as the dishwashing machine).

- I am sailing on the river of wealth (probably the river from that Billy Joel song).

- I will do laundry today because at this point everything in my closet is covered in gross stuff, eventually you’re going to wear a black t-shirt that has your seed on it to a bar and no one will think it is quirky.

- I will be calm and relaxed in every situation.

- I will avoid the happy couples with kids or dogs that walk around my neighborhood, their judgement gazes bring down my victory thoughts.

- I am surrounded by love.

- I am also surrounded by bugs.  Yuck.

- History is fiction, God can’t touch us now....we’re out of his jurisdiction..

- I will stop taking my frustrations out everyone named Travis, it isn’t their fault their name is super fun to yell in a Southern accent..

- I will be successful in whatever I do.

- I will stop telling people about my Illuminati conspiracy theories that places the blame on former Minnesota Twins outfielder Kirby Puckett…Kirby Puckett is dead so it’s kind of a dickhead thing to say.

- I will practice both the male and female parts in Meat Loaf’s “Paradise By The Dashboard Lights”.  You never know when you’ll be asked to perform either…especially in corporate job interviews.

- Everything is getting better every day (except for most things).

   After reading these out loud, make sure you don’t have any shit in your teeth, drink one quick rum and Gatorade in the tub…and go out and make today the best today ever.

Love,

Ian Douglas Terry

(find out if they’re making a sequel to Click…if they aren’t, write it)

When the Spooks Have a Midnight Jamboree

They say that whatever music you loved when you were 17, that's the music you will love the rest of your life.  For Buddy Baker, who wrote the music for the Haunted Mansion, that would be 1935.  For X. Atencio, who wrote the lyrics to "Grim Grinning Ghosts," it's 1936.  That's just an interesting factoid to keep tucked away as you read what follows. No one doubts that a big part of the Mansion's appeal is its superb musical scoring.  The "Grim Grinning Ghosts" tune, written by Buddy Baker, appears in numerous arrangements throughout the ride, and however much it's rearranged and recast, it always sounds creepy.  Magic!

The lyrics are not exactly Shakespeare.  Actually, the title is Shakespeare.  The phrase "grim grinning ghost" appears in line 933 of the epic poem, "Venus and Adonis." "Hard-favour'd tyrant, ugly, meagre, lean, Hateful divorce of love,"—thus chides she Death,— "Grim grinning ghost, earth's worm, what does thou mean To stifle beauty and to steal his breath, Who when he liv'd, his breath and beauty set Gloss on the rose, smell to the violet? Too bad it wasn't in line 999.  Whether X borrowed the phrase consciously and deliberately or plucked it from a subconscious memory of his readings in Shakespeare—who knows? Anyway, there is no point in pretending that the lyrics are poetry with a capital P.  The graveyard jamboree scene (the only place you hear the lyrics sung) is not conducive to hearing a song with any kind of narrative.  "Grim Grinning Ghosts" is calculated so that someone can hear a line here or a piece of a phrase there and still get the general idea of ghosts and ghoulies coming out to party.  Except for the tagline at the end of each verse, you could almost put the rest of the lines in a hat and reorder them at random. [Edit 8/13: But see now the argument by T. Hartwell in the Comments.]  The song is a laundry list of spooky phenomena, explained at the end of each verse as ghosts coming out to socialize.  The arrangement is suitably rollicking and undeniably catchy: Grim Grinning Ghosts [Audio Link]

Grim Grinning Ghosts When the crypt doors creak and the tombstones quake, Spooks come out for a swinging wake. Happy haunts materialize, 
 And begin to vocalize. Grim grinning ghosts come out to socialize.

Now don't close your eyes and don't try to hide. Or a silly spook may sit by your side. Shrouded in a daft disguise. They pretend to terrorize. Grim grinning ghosts come out to socialize.

As the moon climbs high o'er the dead oak tree, Spooks arrive for the midnight spree.
 Creepy creeps with eerie eyes, 
 Start to shriek and harmonize. 
 Grim grinning ghosts come out to socialize.

When you hear the knell of a requiem bell, 
 Weird glows gleam where spirits dwell. 
 Restless bones etherialize, Rise as spooks of every size.(Laughter)

Incidentally, those singing busts have official names, which are on the blueprints and the film strips for each one (before things went digital).  Left to right you've got Rollo Rumkin, Uncle Theodore, Cousin Algernon, Ned Nub, and Phineas P. Pock.  We've already met Rollo and Phineas as tombstones in the original outside queue.  "Cousin Algernon" is the name of a character in the Oscar Wilde play, "The Importance of Being Earnest."  There was originally going to be a sixth bust, Aunt Lucretia, but they went with an all-male chorus, and Aunt Lucretia found useful employment elsewhere in the Mansion.

But let's get back to our topic.  When it comes to comic songs about ghosts and goblins coming out to party, the first one that comes to most people's minds is probably "The Monster Mash," but long before that record came out the theme was popular.  In fact, the heyday of such songs was the 1930's and 40's.  If you listen to some of those, you're probably hearing the inspirational roots that led to GGG.  Put another way, GGG is part of an established genre of novelty songs rooted in the 30's and 40's.  At times, the lyrics to some of these songs come so close that you could almost suspect direct inspiration, but there are no smoking guns that I know of.  Nevertheless, I've highlighted a few such lines in what follows.  These songs are a real kick to listen to, whatever the excuse for doing so.

The Skeleton in the Closet [Audio Link]

There's an old deserted mansion on an old forgotten road, Where the better ghosts and goblins always hang out. One night they threw a party, in a manner à la mode, And they cordially invited all the gang out. At a dark bewitching hour, when the fun was loud and hearty, A notorious wallflower became the life of the party. The spooks were having their midnight fling, The merry making was in full swing, They shrieked themselves into a cheerful trance, When the skeleton in the closet started to dance. Now a goblin giggled with fiendish glee, A shout rang out from a big banshee, Amazement was in every ghostly glance. When the skeleton in the closet started to dance. All the witches were in stitches, while his steps made rhythmic thumps, And they nearly dropped their broomsticks when he tried to do the bumps. You never heard such unearthly laughter, or such hilarious groans, When the skeleton in the closet rattled his bones.

That's Satchmo himself, of course, Louis Armstrong, from the soundtrack of the 1936 film, Pennies from Heaven.  The similarity of theme between "Skeleton" and GGG is obvious.

Swingin' at the Séance [Audio Link]

In a house up on a rock along the countryside, At precisely twelve o’clock the spooks begin to rise. Swingin’ at the seance, twelve ticks, Swingin’ at the seance, hot licks, With the medium in trance, How that horn began to dance. Swingin’ at the seance, five men, Swingin’ at the seance, jive men, When the trumpet blasted out, All the spooks began to shout. That music came through so sweetly low-down, Yet nobody knew who was riff-riff-riffin’ around. Swingin’ at the seance, black coats, Swingin’ at the seance, blue notes, While the trumpet could have won a cup, Its jivin’ broke the seance up, And who do you think was a riffin’ away? No one else but Billy May.

That's the Glenn Miller Orchestra, with Dorothy Claire, in 1941.  Looks like it may have been written by Billy May.

The Headless Horseman [Audio Link]

Now, gather ‘round while I elucidate On what happens outside when it gets late. ‘Long about midnight the ghosts and banshees Get together for their nightly jamboree. There’s ghosts with horns and saucer eyes, And some with fangs about this size. Some short and fat, some tall and thin, And some don’t even bother to wear their skin. I’m a-tellin’ you brother, it’s a frightful sight Just to see what goes on in the night.

When the spooks have a midnight jamboree, They break it up with fiendish glee. Ghosts are bad, but the one that's cursed Is the Headless Horseman, he's the worst.

When he goes a-joggin' 'cross the land, Holdin' a noggin in his hand, Demons take one look and groan, And hit the road for parts unknown.

And there's no wraith like a spook that's spurned. They don't like him, and he's really burned. He swears to the longest day he's dead, He'll show them that he can get a head.

So close all the windows, lock the doors, Unless you’re careful, he’ll get yours. Don’t think he’ll hesitate a bit, ‘Cause he’ll flip your top if it’ll fit.

And he likes them little, likes them big, Part in the middle, or a wig, Black or white or even red, The Headless Horseman needs a head.

With a hip-hip and a clippity-clop, He's out lookin' for a top to chop, So don't stop to figure out a plan, You can't reason with a headless man.

So after dark he’ll get the goods. Head home, the way that you should, ‘Cause right outside, a-waitin’ there, Is the Headless horseman.  Beware!

Now we're closer to home.  This was sung by Bing Crosby in Disney's The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad (1949).  Nothing at all against Bing, but I prefer this version by Kay Starr, released only a few months after the original Crosby version.  Kay's lyrics are slightly different, as you can see, since I've printed the BC version.  When she and those background singers get to "...what goes on in the nighhhhht" you know you got your money's worth for THAT record.

The Haunted House [Audio Link]

When the doors all squeak And the windows creakAnd the ceilings leak ‘Cause the roof’s antiqueAnd you hear a shriek And your legs feel weak— It’s a haunted house

There’s a dismal moan Like a weird trombone And the old hambone Is suddenly thrown You are all alone With the great unknown In the haunted house

There’s only one good spirit, it’s the spirit in the bottle. With shaking hands you pull the cork and pour some down your throttle.

There’s a clank of chains And a smell of brains And a gory stain Where the Duke was slain And you’ve got chilblains And varicose veins In the haunted house.

When the old oak beam Feels a corpse [?], you seem To feel a wet stream With a sinister gleam And you wake with a scream From a horrible dream Of the haunted house.

When the cavalier With the dreadful leer Tried to disappear Through the chiffonier And you cling with fear To the chandelier It’s a haunted house.

The air is full of clammy claws that clutch you by the collar. So gargle night and morning just in case you have to holler.

There are lights and sprites And awful frights In flesh-pink tights But the dead of night Comes a woman in white So you’re quite all right In the haunted house.

When the old church clock Strikes twelve, there’s a knock. With a sudden shock You remember the lock On the door is a crock— Oh, why did you mock? At the haunted house.

It is black as pitch And your eyeballs twitch In the darkest niche Sits a dirty witch And the lighting switch Is out of reach In the haunted house.

When the slavey’s filled with gravy why is she so pallid? Something pushed her in the pantry when she fetched the salad.

“I’m filled with dread. Yes I’m nearly dead. I saw a head Underneath my bed. Come out if you can. I could do with a man In the haunted house.”

That's the oldest one of the bunch (almost: see below).  1931, Ray Noble and the New Mayfield Orchestra.  It's British, and there are a couple of pop culture references in there that are hard to decipher at this distance.  "Slavey" is slang for any menial servant.  What the flesh-pink tights are all about, I don't know [Edit: see comments].  The opening line is startlingly like GGG, and the structure of the song is similar: a litany of spooky phenomena with an explanatory line repeated at the end of each verse.  No partying spooks in there, however. This list could easily be extended by quite a bit.  You can buy a whole CD full of these '30s-'40s novelty ghost tunes.  But you get the idea.  "Grim Grinning Ghosts" features a contemporary arrangement (for 1969), but it feels right at home with some of these old chestnuts, don't it? Reader Melissa has directed our attention to a Gilbert and Sullivan ditty that may be the granddaddy of all these songs, and as it happens, it's a very good match to GGG in a number of ways.  The laundry list of spooky phenomena followed by an explanatory final line.  The topic?  Ghosts having a midnight jamboree.  The repeated lines at the end of each stanza explain that to us.  This is a lot like GGG.

When the Night Wind Howls by: W.S. Gilbert (1836-1911)

When the night wind howls In the chimney cowls,  And the bat in the moonlight flies And the inky clouds Like funeral shrouds, Sail over the midnight skies--

When the footpads quail At the night-bird’s wail, And black dogs bay at the moon, Then is the spectre’s holiday-- Then is the ghost’s high noon!

Ha! Ha!

Then is the ghost’s high noon! As the sob of the breeze Sweeps over the trees And the mists lie low on the fen, From grey tomb-stones Are gathered the bones

That once were women and men, And away they go, With a mop and a mow, To the revel that ends too soon, For cock crow limits our holiday-- The dead of the night’s high noon!  

Ha! Ha!

The dead of the night’s high noon! And then each ghost With his ladye-toast To their church yard beds take flight, With a kiss, perhaps, On her lantern chaps, And a grisly grim, “good night!”

Till the welcome knell Of the midnight bell Rings forth its jolliest tune, And ushers in our next high holiday-- The dead of the night’s high noon!  

Ha! Ha! 

The dead of the night’s high noon!

W. S. Gilbert (1836-1911) Taken from: Ruddigore: or, The Witch’s Curse (London: G. Bell & Sons, 1912)

We will revisit this song and go into greater detail in THIS post.

Originally Posted: Friday, August 13, 2010 Original Link: [x]

SATURDAY SIX: 6 Reasons We Love JURASSIC PARK at Universal’s Islands of Adventure

This week’s SATURDAY SIX takes a look at Six Reasons We Love JURASSIC PARK at Universal’s Islands of Adventure. In 2015, Jurassic World became an instant worldwide smash becoming the first film in history to earn $500M worldwide in its opening weekend, and going on to become one of the five highest grossing films of all time. This weekend comes the anticipated sequel – Fallen Kingdom – and that means its time for us to return to one of our favorite lands in Jurassic Park.

I can hear the Jurassic Park theme in my head right now. (photo by Michael Carelli)

  While the Amazing Adventures of Spider-Man has been the critic’s darling since the day it opened in 1999, and the Wizarding World of Harry Potter completely changed Orlando tourism when it debuted in 2010, Jurassic Park has always been my favorite “island” in the park. Why? For as much as a phenomenon that Jurassic World was, those of us a certain age can remember when the original Jurassic Park film was released and the seismic effect it had on not just the film world, but pop culture in general.

The tagline for the original Superman film in 1977 was “you will believe a man can fly,” and the original Jurassic Park‘s might as well have been You will believe that dinosaurs have been brought back. The ground breaking CGI and physical effects work were years ahead of their time, to the point where the movie has aged better 25 years after its release than pretty much any special effects laden film made in the last 10 years, let alone 20. The score by John Williams is iconic and well known as those in Star Wars and Jaws. And lastly, it’s about dinosaurs, and everything is better with dinosaurs (at least that’s what Tom Bricker keeps trying to tell us.) So today we’re heading into Universal’s Islands of Adventure and checking out our favorite parts of Jurassic Park, starting with…

# 6 – Raptor Encounter

Some readers may remember the time that Walt Disney World tested a walking velociraptor experience at Animal Kingdom. It was something that was impossible for many of us to forget (no matter how hard we tried.) So when Universal announced they were opening a Raptor Encounter, to say we were skeptical is an understatement. We should have had more faith in Universal Creative though, especially after they nailed the Transformers meet and greet over in USF. Because it turned out the Raptor Encounter is perfect. With raptor puppets designed by Michael Curry (the same genius behind the puppets in Finding Nemo: The Musical and Epcot’s legendary Tapestry of Nations parade) and a themed set that hides the human actor, this is a meet and greet that will bring you right back to the days of When Dinosaurs Ruled The Earth. The raptor sound effects and the Team Member “Gamekeeper” are the cherries on top of this awesome theme park sundae.

What I love about the Raptor Encounter is that it is one of the few theme park attractions where not only is your experience fun, but it’s great just watching others interact with the raptor while waiting your turn in the queue. Now that Talking Mickey has taken a vow of silence, it has become the best pound for pound meet and greet experience in the theme parks. Now, when Jurassic World came out in 2015, Universal ramped up the SYNERGY MACHINE with an insanely great line of t-shirts that you could get in CityWalk. For Fallen Kingdom, Universal Creative topped themselves as the character “Blue” was added to the Raptor Encounter.

Blue says “hi” to a guest. (photo by Michael Carelli)

Raptor Encounter. (photo by Brian Carey)

Raptor Encounter. (photo by Brian Carey)

SATURDAY SIX editor in chief Megan Stump meets Blue, her second favorite dinosaur (Meg’s favorite is still Safari Mike of the Radio Harambe podcast)

  But wait! The SYNERGY MACHINE is not done yet. Out in CityWalk, our beloved Voodoo Doughnuts have created a special Raptor Claw doughnut. Filled with raspberry sauce, covered in chocolate, and topped with sprinkles, this is one doughnut to make the keto diet go extinct.

Raptor Claw. (photo by @HedgehogsCorner)

  # 5 – Thunder Falls Terrace

One of the most underrated quick service locations in all of Universal is Thunder Falls Terrace. It has large indoor and outdoor seating areas that face the big drop of Jurassic Park River Adventure, so you can see (and the hear the screams of) guests as they plunge down into the water. This is even more fun to watch when guests walk by this area not realizing they are about to be in the Splash Zone and get soaked. It also has a menu that contains many of the items found at the Three Broomsticks, so your family can enjoy items such as charbroiled ribs, rotisserie chicken and corn on the cob instead of the normal theme park burgers, chicken strips, and pizza.It is also one of the only counter service locations where you can get a mixed green salad made in front of your eyes. Like Voodoo Doughnuts, currently Thunder Falls also offers some special items themed to Fallen Kingdom.

Thunder Falls Terrace. (photo by Michael Carelli)

Some of the inside seating at Thunder Falls. (photo by Brandon Glover)

Theme park dinner theater.

Rib platter at Thunder Falls Terrace.

Fallen Kingdom themed dessert at Thunder Falls. (photo by Megan Stump)

SYNERGY MACHINE dessert. (photo by Megan Stump)

Dinosaur egg dessert from Thunder Falls. (photo by Megan Stump)

# 4 – Discovery Center

While Hogwarts Castle has replaced it, there was a time when the Jurassic Park Discovery Center was the “weenie” of Islands of Adventure. It is what your eyes are immediately drawn to as you exit Port of Entry and does an incredible job of replicating the feel of the visitor center from the original Jurassic Park film. Because there are no rides at the Discovery Center, many guests now pass it by, but it is worth checking out to experience all the interactive elements inside. With tributes to Mr. DNA and Dennis Nedry’s Barbasol can, this area is a must for any hardcore JP fan, but even your average park guest is going to enjoy seeing an animatronic raptor being hatched. Also underrated is going out the back entrance of the Discovery Center (the side you see from Port of Entry) and just taking in the gorgeous view you have of IOA. The area is relaxing and a fantastic place to take photos. Also located in the Discovery Center is the Burger Digs restaurant and one of the more unique gift shops in the entire park (selling everything from silly dinosaur plush to high end amber jewelry.)

Jurassic Park Discovery Center as seen from Port of Entry. (photo by Michael Carelli)

Team Members interacting with guests. (photo by Michael Carelli)

The most famous can of shaving cream in cinematic history. (photo by Michael Carelli)

A raptor is hatched. (photo by Michael Carelli)

Dinosaurs! (photo by Michael Carelli)

“Toe bone connected to the foot bone…foot bone connected to the heel bone… heel bone connected to the ankle bone…”(photo by Michael Carelli)

In the original Jurassic Park, Mr. DNA is an example of the perfect way to give exposition to the audience so they know what is going on without boring them to pieces. (photo by Michael Carelli)

With food carts like “Natural Selections” (where you can get fruit) and “The Food Chain,” the entire land is filled with dinosaur related puns. (photo by Michael Carelli)

The side of the Discovery Center many guests don’t take the time to check out. (photo by Michael Carelli)

Looking back at Port of Entry as well as the Hulk coaster. (photo by Michael Carelli)

  # 3 – Pteranodon Flyers

I am going to take some heat for this one, especially from hardcore Universal fans. But that’s okay, and I’m ready to die on this hill. Pteranodon Flyers makes the “worst” list for many guests, mostly because of its horrendous loading time. I’m not here to defend that, but I think that it is awesome that a theme park has an attraction which caters directly to small guests, especially Islands of Adventure. One of the knocks against Universal, and one they have made great strides in overcoming, is a perception that the parks are not kid friendly.  At IOA, there is one ride after another that they are told “No” to, but not only is Pteranodon Flyers a “Yes,” it is the one ride at either park where you have to be with a small child to ride. I think it is fantastic that there is an opportunity to make these smaller riders feel special, that they can go on a cool ride that their older brothers and sisters can’t, because it’s almost always the opposite. Pteranodon Flyers is also cool, having that Magic Kingdom Skyway-feel that many of us miss. Thankfully the attraction has gone to a “virtual queue” experience, which is a huge positive, and the queue itself is gorgeous to walk through.

Pteranodon Flyers. (photo by Michael Carelli)

Part of the Pteranodon Flyers queue.

Smaller guests, and their +1, ascend up Pteranodon Flyers. (photo by Michael Carelli)

Pteranodon Flyers. (photo by Brian Carey)

  # 2 – Camp Jurassic

Time to say it: Camp Jurassic is the #1 most underrated attraction in Orlando. Because there are no rides for adults, many guests completely skip this area, but I implore you to check it out on your next trip to Universal. This is the most immersive play area I have seen in my entire life, with two completely different components. Think of it as a dinosaur themed Tom Sawyer Island, except with a lot more stuff to interact with. Slides, rope bridges, water cannons and more are mixed along an insanely elaborate rain forrest theme. Forget kids, I have gotten lost in this area several times… it’s incredible. But the real draw here is the amber mines. It’s almost impossible to believe these actually exist in a theme park, let alone a kid’s play area. The caves are so detailed and immersive it is as if you stepped into another world. Highest possible recommendation.

Camp Jurassic. (photo by Hate To Fly)

Inside the amber mines of Camp Jurassic. (photo by HTF)

Outside play area at Camp Jurassic. (photo by Michael Carelli)

Camp Jurassic. (photo by Michael Carelli)

Camp Jurassic. (photo by Michael Carelli)

Water Canons. (photo by Brandon Glover)

  # 1 – Jurassic Park River Adventure

Jurassic Park River Adventure hits a lot of great beats for me and it all starts with the attraction being a boat ride. From the Jungle Cruise and Pirates of the Caribbean at the Magic Kingdom to Living with the Land and Gran Fiesta Tour starring the Three Caballeros in Epcot, if it’s a boat ride, it’s probably one of my favorite attractions in the park. Our journey on JP River Adventure begins by passing through the iconic Jurassic Park gates and proceeds to give a Jungle Cruise-like leisurely ride while enjoying some larger-than-life dinosaurs. As theme park rides will do, “something goes terribly wrong” and we find ourselves smack dab in the middle of a raptor attack and surprise, you’re NOT the alpha. In fact you just may be dinner. It is during the second half of the ride when the tension gets amped up, highlighted by the incredible T-Rex animatronic and a huge drop to cap off the ride. When all the effects are working, Jurassic Park River Adventure is one of the greatest water rides in any theme park.

Jurassic Park River Adventure. (photo by Michael Carelli)

“I have a big head…and little arms.” – Meet the Robinsons. (photo by Jeff Kyle)

Splashdown! (photo by Mike Sperduto)

What a fun drop. (photo by Mike Sperduto)

  HONORABLE MENTION – The Photo Ops

Get out your cameras while in Jurassic Park, because the land is filled with places to take some fun photos with friends and family.

The iconic Jurassic Park gates are even more impressive at night. (photo by Brandon Glover)

Jurassic Park Jeep. (photo by Michael Carelli)

Triceratops. (photo by Michael Carelli)

SMILE!(photo by Michael Carelli)

  DOUBLE SECRET HONORABLE MENTION – Dinosaur “Rumors and Innuendo”

Recently a whole bunch of items from the former Triceratops Encounter attraction have shown up at the Prop Shop in Universal Studios Florida. This is only interesting because many insiders are speculating that we are very close to the Universal Orlando Resort announcing a new attraction inside the Jurassic Park land, taking over that spot in the land. The most informed speculation is that the new ride will be a family friendly roller coaster. While its a shame the Triceratops Encounter has been shuttered for a while (it’s a unique concept for a park, and references an incredibly memorable moment in the first film,) it is definitely exciting to think we could be getting a new dinosaur based ride in the near future…

Items from Triceratops Encounter.

RIP Triceratops Encounter.

So there you have it: Six Reasons We Love JURASSIC PARK at Universal’s Islands of Adventure! See you next weekend for the latest installment of the SATURDAY SIX, where we’ll look at something fun from the world of Disney and Universal. If you enjoyed yourself, be sure to check out The Magic, The Memories, and Merch! articles, or, for your listening pleasure, check out the E-Ticket Report podcast. You can also follow Your Humble Author on Twitter (@derekburgan).

If you enjoyed this article, you will surely like the following:

Movies and Television Shows Filmed at the Universal Orlando Resort

6 Reasons We Love Universal’s PORTOFINO BAY HOTEL

6 Reasons We Love Universal’s SAPPHIRE FALLS

Walt Disney World Locations Used in Hulk Hogan’s THUNDER IN PARADISE

SATURDAY SIX Investigative Report: Disney PET PEEVES

The SATURDAY SIX Uses Disney Villains To Explain Theme Park Blogging

6 Times Our Favorite TV Shows Went To Walt Disney World

Special Thanks to our spirit animal Brandon Glover, hot shot Michael Carelli, photo wunderkind Mike Sperduto, Universal park icon Hate To Fly, the Siren of Secret Shopping Hedgehogs Corner, the sommelier of Tony’s Town Square Brian Carey, the SAT SIX Fun Squad of Parkscope Joe and Nick, crazy cat lady – and our Fearless Leader – Laurel Stewart, and blogger to the stars Megan Stump for their invaluable assistance with this article. Be sure to also check out Brandon on The Park Blogger podcast with goofballs co-hosts Aengus Mackenzie and LitemAndHyde , while fellow Potterheads may enjoy Meg’s work on the Central Florida Slug Club.

FINAL PLUG! Did you know The 2018 Unofficial Guide to Universal Orlando has a special edition of the SATURDAY SIX in it? Finally, someone came up with an actual reason to read a book. ORDER this baby now!

Tap THAT Mickey!(photo by Michael Carelli)

The post SATURDAY SIX: 6 Reasons We Love JURASSIC PARK at Universal’s Islands of Adventure appeared first on TouringPlans.com Blog.

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Jurassic 25: A Celebration - From Victoria's Cantina

“An adventure 65 million years in the making.”  The year was 1993.  8 year-old me, who had already been obsessed with dinosaurs at that point, caught wind of a TV spot that contained that simple tagline.  I distinctly recall seeing the herd of Gallimimus flocking, and it excited me in a way no other movie commercial had.  The movie was called Jurassic Park, and it was the movie to see that summer.  Thankfully, my wish came true.  It was a hot day in Fort Worth, Texas, when my father, uncle, brother and I went to see it at a theater in a local mall.  The moment the film began, I was mesmerized.  The way it began with such an intense scene of a man being violently attacked by what was obviously some sort of monstrous dinosaur truly set the mood.  But this was not a scary movie.  Sure, it had terrifying moments.  (I still recall the shot of the Tyrannosaurus Rex breaking through the glass to attack Lex and Tim scaring the living daylights out of me.)  But there were warm, touching moments, such as when our heroes are taken to see a dinosaur for the first time.  Or when everyone suddenly abandons their Jungle Explorers to get up close and personal with a sick Triceratops.  Indeed, for an 8 year-old dinosaur-crazed kid, this movie was nothing short of a great adventure.  And it was one that would stay with me into adulthood.

Fast-forward 25 years to 2018.  In April, Universal Studios Hollywood announced that it would be hosting the Jurassic Park 25th Anniversary Celebration.  Originally set to span two days on May 11th and 12th (May 13th was added due to the high demand for tickets), it would celebrate a quarter-century of one of the biggest film franchises in cinema history.  Being somewhat local in San Diego, I knew this was an event I could not miss.  I convinced my husband that this was something we absolutely had to do.  (If visiting Kualoa Ranch and hunting for Jurassic Park filming locations across Hawai’i in 2016 did not affirm my fandom to him, what would?)  We booked our tickets and made plans to drive up to Hollywood on Friday, May 11th.  While I do visit Disneyland periodically, I had not been to Universal Studios Hollywood in 8 years.  I did get the chance to visit Universal Studios Japan last year, but I always feel that despite the grandeur of their newer iterations, theme parks just do not hold up to their original locations.  (And surely, the same is often true when we speak of our favorite film series.)   After surviving the always chaotic Los Angeles traffic, my excitement heightened as we parked in Jurassic Parking and made off towards Universal CityWalk.  According to our tickets, we would not be let into the event until 5:30 PM.  Since we were a bit early, we bided our time at CityWalk and admired the beautiful Jurassic Park Jeep Wranglers and Jungle Explorer that sat adjacent to the CityWalk AMC movie theater.  It was a cool evening, and my hair decided early on that the intermittent drizzle would become its greatest foe.  What was nice about this event was that the park did not close until 7 PM.  So we made use of this precious time to wait a ridiculously short 10 minutes for Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey.  After admiring the recently opened The Simpsons area, we followed the signage leading our way to the Jurassic Park event and rode the Starway down to the Lower Lot.  When we arrived, we were instantly thrown into Jurassic mode. 

Universal used the Jurassic Park: The Ride area to stage the Jurassic Park 25th Anniversary Celebration.  Along with the ride itself, the celebration included a main stage, an activity area, the Raptor Encounter experience, restaurants, shops, and multiple bars that were set up to meet the needs of alcohol-deprived fans.  The queue of Jurassic Park: The Ride contained prop displays such as Claire’s outfit and a gyrosphere from Jurassic World.  There was also a Mattel Jurassic World toy display.  The activity center featured face painting and caricatures.  The main stage would be where Jurassic World director Colin Trevorrow would be moderating a panel with special guests a little later.  Shops such as Jurassic Outfitters were filled with merchandise, some of which was created for the 25th Anniversary Celebration.  Mattel toys were priced double their MSRP.  You could get a Super Colossal T-Rex for the “special” price of $90.  (Markups on merchandise are not uncommon at theme parks, but such drastic premiums came across like gouging.)  And as an added bonus, Revenge of the Mummy and Transformers: The Ride were open for fans attending the exclusive event.  Both were walk-ons for the entire night, which again, is just unheard of.  Around 7:15 PM, the D.J. put his beats on pause as Velociraptor Zulu and Velociraptor Blue made their way out to taunt the crowd awaiting the panel.  This was a confusing moment, as many fans who had already gathered in front of the stage for the panel were asked to disburse so that the raptors could do their thing.  The “show” included several ACU soldiers who were working to steady the two raptors and contain them.  It really lacked any choreography or plot and came across as very disorganized.  I got the impression that most fans could have done without it; especially since it disrupted most everyone who had already claimed a spot for the panel.  Moments later, the emcee welcomed Colin Trevorow to the stage.  The Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom co-writer spoke a bit about his fandom and then promptly welcomed three Hollywood veterans who were involved with the production of Jurassic Park.  They included assistant director John Kretchmer, cinematographer Dean Cundey, and visual effects artist Dennis Muren.  The three esteemed guests shared stories about working on Jurassic Park and why it remains such a beloved film.  For me, the panel was the biggest highlight of the evening.  And what was quite great about it was that each night of the celebration would feature different guests.  (Saturday attendees got to hear from Laura Dern, while Sunday guests got a nice dose of Jeff Goldblum!)  When the panel concluded, the D.J. cranked the music back up.  But his performance was again paused for the costume contest and trivia game.  Of course, another highlight of the evening was the IMAX showing of Jurassic Park at the CityWalk AMC theater.  It contained the opening sequence to Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, which was met with a rave response from fans.  And of course, there is nothing like seeing one of your favorite films on the big screen.  While all of these activities were fantastic, I would be remiss if I did not mention how special it was interacting with so many Jurassic Park fans face-to-face.  Seeing their enthusiasm for the franchise, with their faces lighting up as they discussed their favorite characters and dinosaurs and memories, truly left an impression.  It was truly special to connect with like-minded Jurassic Park fans, and it was tremendously special to meet former online friends who I can now simply refer to as friends. 

On the whole, Universal did a remarkable job organizing this special event for the Jurassic Park fans who had traveled not only from within California, but also from other states and even other countries.  There was abundant signage throughout the park for fans to find their way to the event.  The fact that the Upper Lot was available for attendees for an hour and a half was a huge plus that made the event all the more enjoyable.  The exhibits, activities, and games added an extra layer of interactivity that gave fans an ample number of things to do.  The Raptor Encounter special show was quite disorganized and seemed more of a nuisance than a contributing element to the experience, but it was countered with a great panel and a tram ride through part of the backlot towards the movie theater.  And then when you factor the showing of Jurassic Park with a preview of Fallen Kingdom, you truly feel like the $69 paid for the event was quite a bargain.  What’s more is that through my observations, I noticed fans of all demographics enjoying the event.  I also got the sense that attendees were happy and having a great time, and it was certainly nice to see Universal commemorating the anniversary of one of its biggest films.  With the first two events selling out, I have to wonder if Universal will hold similar events in the future not only for Jurassic, but also for other established franchises like Harry Potter or Back to the Future.  I know more than a few fans who would wholeheartedly welcome a Jurassic Park 30th anniversary party in 5 years. 

In 2018, I am enormously excited.  Not only is Universal celebrating the 25th anniversary of one of my favorite films, but they are also releasing Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom this summer.  Mattel is putting out some of the finest Jurassic Park toys of all time and truly delivering on the promise of what a great toy line should be.  Indeed, it is perhaps the best time to be a Jurassic fan.  Somewhere inside 33 year-old me, 8 year-old me is smiling and enjoying every minute of it. 

Victoria B.

Please find Victoria's Cantina on YouTube, Twitter, Facebook and Instagram! Don't miss our special episode focusing on the Jurassic Park 25th Anniversary Celebration at Universal Studios in the player below. Also find a few more photos in the gallery below:

How Your Team Can Ace Social Media Collaboration

Whether you’re a social media agency or a brand, there’s no doubt about one thing– coordinating multiple team members to work on a social media account is challenging. And when I say challenging, I mean hugely stressful. As the creative director at Contentworks, I’ve experienced the struggles first hand, so in this article, I’m going to show you how your team can ace social media collaboration.

The Problems

Large social media accounts will require more than one team member to work on them. You may be working on the account in shifts or simultaneously. Having multiple team members working on the same account can be fraught with problems which can damage, or even sink, the brand. Here’s just a few of them:

Tone Inconsistency: Different personalities posting and replying in different ways

Failure to Collaborate: Duplication or delays in replying, posting, approving

Organization Chaos: Delays in finding brand assets like images, GIFs, and passwords

Poor Reporting: You’re doing the work, but nobody is gathering information

Notice a common thread in all these problems? The main problem is communication.

1. Tone Inconsistency

Managing social media in a complex organization isn’t easy. There are multiple departments, leaders, and policies, all of which can lead to confusion. Having different employees answering and posting differently on the same account can also reflect badly on the brand. Perhaps John answers in a formal way while Sarah is playful and fun. The tone of each person’s posts will reflect the brand, influence the customer experience, and affect the outcome.

The Solution

Your brand needs a clear set of guidelines that manage tone, spelling, style, and brand personality. I’m not talking about a huge PowerPoint presentation. I’m talking about a basic one-page doc that acts as a referral point for staff. The document should include basics like:

The tagline

The brand voice

UK or US spelling

Hex color codes

The company values

The customer demographics

Before new staff members begin working on a social media account, be sure that they understand the brand and how to effectively represent it as a team. You can also create saved replies using the Agorapulse dashboard. That means that employees can choose from a list of pre-approved and on brand answers saving time and maintaining consistency.

2. Failure To Collaborate

Failure to effectively collaborate as a team can cause numerous problems. It may mean duplicate replies to the same message or a failure to reply at all. It may also mean too many posts being published or none at all. Worse still, it could cause you to contradict yourself and confuse page fans.

Remember not all social media teams are based in the same physical working space. In my case, I have a team in China and Europe so I can’t just walk into the office and make an announcement. Different time zones, different departments, and different perceptions of what needs to be done can cause huge confusion.

The Solution

Sending out emails to your colleagues for every action is not a viable solution. The answer is a social media dashboard where team members are assigned different actions and roles. Look at this screenshot from the Agorapulse platform. Here you can assign one of four roles to each user with varying levels of posting, replying, and reporting access.

Choose from:

Admin

Editor

Moderator

Guest

So immediately you have some clarity over who is authorised to take actions on the social media accounts. Next, you have the option to schedule, queue, and assign actions to others on the team. For example, my junior copywriter may assign a post to me for approval before it goes live. Cool right?

Even better, the panel also shows when someone else is replying to a fan, so you never suffer from embarrassing duplication! I find this system particularly useful for financial services accounts which may have high standards of compliance and legal. Checking that posts are compliant before they go live is super important in this sector. Learn more about team workflow.

3. Organization Chaos

Social media marketing is fast-paced, and this can prompt a lot of corner cutting in a large social media team. I will give you an example of some actual events that occurred (names changed because I love my team!):

Sarah spends $50 on Facebook and forgets to update the client’s budget sheet

Todd receives images from the graphic designer and saves them on his desktop pc

Charli (yes me, I’m also guilty) speaks to a client about a new idea and forgets to tell the team

The Solution

These actions are all totally normal for a large social media team, yet they can cause untold chaos. You must be organized with your social media collaboration from day one. Every time and for every social media account.

Having client files on Dropbox and assigning relevant team members is one way to ensure everything is stored in one place. Your team must be briefed to store assets properly, update budget sheets, and add new ideas into a communal notepad. Alternatively, you could also try one of the popular team collaboration tools below (screenshot taken from Trello):

Trello: I love Trello for keeping track of campaigns and ideas, assigning users, and ticking items off as “completed”. The key to good social media collaboration here is to avoid lengthy essays and keep ideas as bullet points or short notes.

Basecamp: Basecamp is a sweet little tool to use for updating the team without getting caught up in lengthy email chains.

Workstack: This is a tool that works directly with Basecamp, so you can see the hours and days your team allows for Basecamp projects. With several people working on one account, tracking where the hours go can eliminate waste and maximise team efficiency.

4. Poor Reporting

Social media collaboration is great until it comes down to the reporting. A social media report should be produced at the end of each month whether you’re an agency working for a client or a team reporting to your director.

A report should clearly identify actions taken, money spent, KPIs hit or missed, and next actions. So, what’s the problem? The problem is that with multiple people working on the same accounts, how do you get together every month to create a report? One thing’s for sure– if you are not clearly reporting your actions to the brand owner, they won’t be happy.

The Solution

All you need to produce every month are two documents– your social media report and your budget sheet. First, you should create a running budget sheet for each social media account. That means each time a team member adds a spend figure, the total is recalculated (Google Drive is good for this).

Be sure to write a spending limit in the sheet so your team knows the boundaries and make sure that everyone is doing this as it happens. You might forget the odd $10 here and $20 there but it all adds up! Secondly, head into your Agorapulse dashboard and pull off a report for your social media accounts. It’s so easy and looks professional.

Because the report is generated as a PPT, you can simply add a cover page showing key stats, budget spend, and leads, and you’re good to go.

Because your team is using Agorapulse, there’s no need to go into each channel or ask members to put together tricky reports– it’s all done for you! When you produce the report, be sure to share it with the team and highlight success areas or weak points to work on. Remember, communication is key!

More Tips for Social Media Collaboration

Time Zones: Make sure you are utilizing your team to cover different time zones on large accounts. Posting 8-5 really won’t do for big brands. Similarly, different language posting needs to be targeted and clearly communicated to others.

Editorial Calendar: Encourage your team to check and update your editorial calendar and schedule posts in your Agorapulse dashboard.

Hold Meetings: Yes it sounds old school, but a regular update meeting is important from time to time. Patch in your overseas team on Skype and be sure everyone has coffee and donuts!

Encourage Feedback: If you’re leading a team, you may not be aware of the administration problems going on elsewhere. Encourage feedback, ideas, and problem sharing within your team.

Holiday Cover: Do you have a process in place for holidays and sick leave? Don’t just expect the rest of the team to know what to do if a key member is away.

Social media collaboration can be a fun experience if you get the basics right. Is your social media team playing nicely together? Tweet us and let us know.

The post How Your Team Can Ace Social Media Collaboration appeared first on Agorapulse.

How Your Team Can Ace Social Media Collaboration posted first on http://getfblikeblog.blogspot.com

Buying a New Boiler

Buying a New Boiler David Lawrenson of LettingFocus.com looks at the things you should consider when buying a new gas boiler. So, it’s cold right now, very cold. And naturally enough, this is just the sort of time your boiler breaks down. (Machines tend to break when they are being used most intensively). As a landlord, in winter time especially, you really have to swing into action to ensure your tenants are not left in a freezing cold house. These days, tenants have the reasonable expectation that they shouldn’t be left to be cold for a long time. (We always have some electric fan heaters to give them tide them over for heating for a day or three whilst we get a boiler fixed or replaced. It’s also good if your heating system has an immersion heater and/ or if you have an electric shower so they can at least have a warm shower too.) If you have followed my advice in the past, you will have already developed a good relationship with a competent gas safe certified contractor, (who ideally can look after plumbing matters too). Someone you can trust to tell the truth when he or she tells you that maybe your old boiler has seen better times and it’s now time to get a new one. Over the years I have come to realise that when certain big things go wrong with boilers or when they need new parts more than once a year, that is probably the time to admit you need a new machine. Fixing it repeatedly is usually just not worth it, the time has come to get a new boiler. The good news is that in real terms, the cost of new boilers has gone down significantly in the 30 odd years I have been a landlord. And, (so we are told), the boilers are far more efficient in terms of how good they are at transferring fuel into heat than they were back in the old pre-condensing boiler days. That’s probably true, though many older experienced boiler fitters tell me that the models today simply do not last as long as the old ones did – a fact which they put down to the larger number of parts the newer machines have, which in turn means there is simply more things that can go wrong. (Some experts think the more efficient combi boilers of today have a shorter life expectancy, because the burners are always being fired on and off, as required to heat up water, on demand). Getting hard and fast information on boiler efficiency is difficult, not least because the industry as a whole has a vested interest in pushing the fact that the new boilers that they are marketing are so much better in terms of efficiency (and hence lower carbon footprint) than old ones. But some of my gas fitter guys and girls question just how much more efficient the new classes of boiler are and I often consider their comments in the light of the Volkswagen car emissions scandal, (where low emissions rates were being faked by the car firms own tests), and adopt a very skeptical view as to the manufacturers claims. Until some trustworthy and neutral organisation tests the claims of the boiler manufacturers, we will never know the real truth. I think they are undoubtedly more efficient than old boilers but I suspect the government is probably being hoodwinked by the boiler makers as to how efficient they really are. Boilers of The Old Days What I can say, from experience, is that the boilers we have in our properties that were installed from 15-20 years ago have not lasted as long as the ones that were fitted between 20 and 40 years ago. In our portfolio, we still have one boiler, (a non-combi), which is at least 25 years old and which is still running just fine and continues to neatly heat our sole one bedroom flat. I will say more about this particular boiler later, but it is worth commenting that it certainly appears to be extremely efficient if the heating bills of my tenants over the 20 odd years I have owned the property are anything to go by. (They seem to spend less than £50 a month for heating and lighting the one bed flat). There is no doubt that the larger the portfolio of properties you have and the more work you have given to the same heating (and plumbing) contractors, the nearer the front of the queue you will be to get the work done quickly (and at a reasonable cost). If you are just starting off as a landlord or if you have properties all over the country and not more than one in any location, it can be harder to get to the front of the queue. 90% of our properties are within 20 miles of each other, which helps and we give all our landlords gas certificate work and plumbing call outs to just one or two local tradesmen. They get a regular flow of call out maintenance work from us, (which can be as profitable as fitting new boilers for those fitters who are on call to many clients and can thus generate a lot of work covering the whole of their working days). You should note that I will only work with fitters who are prepared to look after ALL my plumbing and boiler needs – both the maintenance AND the fitting of new boilers. One reason for this is that I want to be able to give the tenants the tradesman’s phone number and email for them to contact the tradesman directly, so I’m not involved. I’m a landlord, not a plumber or gas fitter! Trust the Boiler Fitters So I trust to the experts to make the “right calls” on the works to be done. And because I give them a lot of work, I don’t expect them to rip me off with unnecessary work. In fact, the fitter only needs to call me to discuss the job, if there is a decision to be made – such as whether to spend £200 fixing an old boiler, or whether the time has come to get a new boiler. These are the types of things that are “my call” and they will need my authorization on. In summary, I try to set clear guideless and they follow them. It works for the tenants, it works for the fitter and, most of all it works for me. You will of course, be aware that the likes of British Gas, (advert tagline, “Looking After Your World), are very keen to get the business of landlords and to fit and maintain new boilers for them. They have a heavy advertising presence, marketing extensively on TV and other media. They, and a wide variety of other companies like them, sell a variety of service contracts to landlords and other homeowners in which they promise to maintain a variety of household appliances, look after plumbing and drainage etc., for an annual fee. But from what I have seen, it is simply not worth getting the likes of British Gas to come and fit your new boiler (nor to assess if your old one is possibly kaput – see more on this below!). Their fees are always higher than a local independent gas safe fitter would charge you. Sure, you have the reassurance that if anything goes really badly wrong, you could always write to the Chief Executive of British Gas and threaten to write to the Daily Telegraph etc., and things will get fixed. However, if you opt to use an experienced local independent local fitter, (and avoid the big corporation), you will find not only will you pay less, but that many fitters will be able to give you up to a ten year part and labour guarantee anyway on certain models. It’s not the fitter that is giving the guarantee, it is the manufacturers, who are also big companies with reputations to protect. Both Worcester Bosch and Vaillant, two of the biggest players, offer such long term guarantees, provided the machine qualifies, (many machines will come with at least a seven year guarantee), and provided also it has been fitted by selected tradespeople who have built up a track record with them and who are fitting a certain, minimum number of boilers each year. So, check with the fitter if they qualify with the manufacturer to give you the longer guarantees. And get all this in writing before you commission the work. Invoking Boiler Guarantees And if you have a really long guarantee, you won’t need a service contract either, because if the boiler fails, all you need to do is call Worcester Bosch or Vaillant (or whichever manufacturer it is) and they will come and fix the machine, no problem. When you have a good machine backed by a long term part and labour guarantee of this type, who needs a service contract from British Gas or Homeserve, or some other such service company? As far as we are aware, the big manufacturers are usually pretty prompt at coming out and fixing boilers that have broken but which are under guarantee, though it may take a few days in the middle of winter, when breakdowns tend to peak. (British Gas and other providers offer no hard and fast guarantees either, it should be noted) And, of course, there is no charge for the call out or the work to fix the machine if it is still under guarantee. To continue to qualify for the guarantee, you will need to boiler to be serviced annually by a qualified gas safe registered fitter, so don’t forget this and make sure to record the service in the log book that comes with the boiler. In practice, of course, the machines rarely breakdown within the guarantee period. We always buy the machines with the longest guarantee period, so we usually have ten years’ worry free on our boilers. It works for us. Just a comment on British Gas. Back in 2004, the same one bed flat where my old boiler of 25 years + happily chugs along to this day, was being let under a housing association lease scheme to a London-based housing association. The housing association took the property off my hands for four years, paying a guaranteed rent. Within their contract they looked after most repairs, and for the boiler they had entered into a service contract with British Gas. The contract with the housing association stated that their contract with British Gas covered most things but not major breakdowns that would require a new boiler. Boilers and British Gas I was then contacted by the housing association to say the boiler had broken down and that British Gas had told them it could not be fixed and a new boiler was needed – and it would cost in the region of £2,500. I said I would have my own fitter look at it. He came around and fixed it for a fee of £80. It is still working 14 years later! At around that time, many people had said that British Gas workmen were very keen to condemn old boilers in order, it was alleged, so they could get the profitable business / commission from installing a new boiler along with the usual service contract that they can often upsell along with it. This was a number of years ago and it is possible that British Gas have since improved their service. Do write and tell me of your experiences. For now, I am keen to give my business to my local small contractors. They do a good job for me. Unfortunately, one of my excellent plumbers says he finds the profit margins from fitting boilers is too small, so has since stopped doing it. (Generally, a fitter has to do a certain number of jobs a year to be able to maintain membership of the gas safe register, qualify for the manufacturers’ discounts and to be able to offer the manufacturer’s long term guarantees on the machines they fit). This does point out that one must pay a fair price for tradespeople’s work. Economy 7 Boilers One of our properties has Economy 7 boilers – in which storage heaters can be used to heat storage units overnight (on a lower night electricity tariff) and then pump heat out in the day. These are also very efficient, if my tenants’ bills are anything to go by. In the long years I have had this property, I have only had to once call out for a repair to the boiler. Plus, you do not need an annual gas safe check, thus saving around £60 a year, nor have to worry about carbon monoxide detectors. I’m a big fan and I wish more of my properties were Economy 7. I hope you have found this blog of interest. I would be very keen to hear what experiences you have had and will happily publish any useful tips. ABOUT LETTINGFOCUS Services for Private Landlords We help landlords and property investors by showing them how to make money in the private rented sector using ways which are fair to tenants and which involve minimal risk. Our advice is completely independent. We take don’t commission payments or fees from anyone, ever. Services to Businesses and the Public Sector We advise a range of organisations including banks, building societies, local authorities, social housing providers, institutional investors and insurers. We help them develop and improve their services and products for private landlords. David Lawrenson, founder of LettingFocus, also writes for property portals, speaks at property events and is regularly quoted by the media. HOME PAGE OF THIS BLOG: Blog THE HOME PAGE OF THE MAIN SITE: http://www.LettingFocus.com For general information on our CONSULTING SERVICES: Consultancy and Seminars For ONE TO ONE PRIVATE CONSULTANCY FOR PRIVATE LANDLORDS: Property Advice CLIENT TESTIMONIALS – from both organisations and private landlords: Testimonials IN THE MEDIA: Recent Press Coverage BOOKS: “SUCCESSFUL PROPERTY LETTING”: Our book is the highest selling personal finance and property book in the UK. Click here to Find Out More and Buy it. And if you are from an organisation and would like to bulk buy, please ask us for special rates. NEW BOOK – “BUY TO LET LANDLORDS GUIDE TO FINDING GREAT TENANTS”: Get this great new guide here, which covers everything you’ll ever need to know to avoid either you or your letting agent getting anyone other than the perfect tenant. Click Here to Buy It. BOOK FOR TENANTS: Kids going off and renting for the first time? My Book for Tenants is also Available TO JOIN OUR FREE NEWSLETTER MAILER which goes to over 3,950 people (as at Jan 2017) just send an email to [email protected] We do not send spam or sell our mailing list to advertisers, though we occasionally mail landlords about good products from third parties. Please put us on your “white list” to ensure you receive our emails. OFFERS ON PRODUCTS FOR LANDLORDS and TO ADVERTISE YOUR PRODUCTS to LANDLORDS: Landlords Resources PERUSE LAST TEN BLOGS BY GETTING THE RSS FEED: Click Here NEXT ANNUAL SEMINAR EVENT FOR LANDLORDS: Landlord and Property Letting Seminar TWITTER PAGE My thoughts on property, personal finance, plus a lot of other random things: Twitter  Copyright of Blog: David Lawrenson 2018. Please link to us here or quote us. We actively pursue copyright infringements. The blog is updated roughly every two weeks.   The post Buying a New Boiler appeared first on Letting Focus.

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Kim Garst | Marketing Strategies that WORK

Are you still manually monitoring and managing all your social media accounts?

There’s a better way!

Using the right tools to manage your social media can not only make you a more effective marketer, it can save you time, money and a lot of frustration.

In this post, I share 15 of the best social media management tools you should consider using. Be sure to leave YOUR favorite(s) in the comments at the end of the post!

One of my favorite tools of all time. One of the best features is the ability to manage all your social media messages at once in your Agorapulse inbox. Other great features: publish all at once across all social media channels, set queues to automatically republish popular tweets, and set up rules so you never see social media spam again!

Want to learn more about this fantastic tool? Check out my post 9 Things I Love About Agorapulse.

 Hootsuite not only lets you schedule and manage your social media posts, its real-time analytics help you spot trends and see exactly how your posts are performing. It also lets you track brand mentions and messages, meaning you always stay on top of your online reputation.

Post scheduling, the ability to customize posts for the specific network you’re sharing to, engagement tracking, and in-depth analytics and reporting – it’s no wonder Buffer is an industry favorite. Bonus: Buffer’s add-on graphics program, Pablo, will ensure you always have amazing images to share!

 If you’re looking for a robust social media management tool for your entire team, look no further than Sprout Social. This tool lets you manage your social media posts and messages, all while maintaining your team’s workflow. It even lets you see exactly how responsive and engaging each team member is!

The ultimate social media management tool for Pinterest and Instagram. Tailwind lets you find new content to share, schedule your posts, measure how your posts are performing, and much more. I also love the price – starting at just $9.99/month, it’s definitely one of the more affordable tools out there.

  SocialFlow does all the usual social media management stuff, but here’s another feature I LOVE: SocialFlow shows you exactly when your target audience is active and what they’re interacting with at that moment. No more guessing what time you should post for optimal engagement! Currently, SocialFlow lets you manage Facebook, Google+, LinkedIn and Twitter (unfortunately no Instagram at the moment).

   One of the least expensive options out there, SocialOomph lets you do everything from scheduling posts, viewing messages, finding new people to follow, scheduling and publishing blog posts, checking out new followers, and much more. I especially like the “daily digest” it sends each day with ALL of your social media messages. Never miss a PM or DM again!

One of my favorite features of Everypost is the ability to easily find relevant new content on YouTube, Instagram, RSS feeds, etc. that you can share with your audience. Also offers the ability to customize posts depending on the platform you’re sharing on, and lets you more effectively collaborate with your team using roles and permission levels.

   SocialPilot has all the usual features plus a few unique ones: post scheduling, bulk tweeting, team collaboration, customer short URLs, and even client management. I also love their content suggestions feature which ensures you always have something awesome to share with your audience!

 Definitely an industry-favorite, but not the cheapest tool on this list ($49/month). Their tagline is “Like hiring a content manager for a fraction of the cost” – and this is pretty accurate! Edgar shares and re-shares your content at optimal times, lets you create categories of content you can share, and much more. Worth the $ if you can afford it! (Hint: A cheaper and still GREAT option you can check out is SmarterQueue!).

Crowdbooster lets you schedule posts, find your most engaged fans and followers, get real-time reporting and much more. Sadly, it seems they’ve temporarily halted new signups…so if you want to check it out, you may have to wait!

TweetDeck is an industry-favorite for managing and scheduling your tweets. An official Twitter-owned tool, TweetDeck lets you view and manage all your Twitter activity – posts, new followers, DM’s and feed – all on one screen. Even lets you view multiple profiles, and shows you live updates via a little popup box. If you’re only using Twitter – or just really want to focus on Twitter without getting distracted by your other social accounts – this is an excellent choice.

 If you’re looking for a tool just for Instagram management, look no further. Later lets you plan our your posts on a weekly or monthly basis, keep your stuff organized via a media library, and search for and repost related content. The business plans even show you exactly when the optimal times to post are, so you’re almost guaranteed to get engagement!

If you offer – or want to offer – social media management to clients, you should definitely check out Sendible. It helps your team easily keep track of multiple clients, all from a centralized hub. I especially love that you always know exactly which tasks are done and still need doing, even when you have multiple team members. I also like the ability to “white label” your services, making your business look more professional when working with clients. This product is one of the most expensive on the list (starts at $49/month up to $499/month), but is worth it if you’re working with multiple clients.

If you’re just using the “big 3” networks – Facebook, Twitter and Instagram – Autogrammer is a solid choice. Gives you team functionality, bulk image uploading, and of course scheduling and management of your posts. I also love that you can edit your images right from within the dashboard!

And that’s it…15 of the best social media management tools out there!

Looking for more of my favorite tools? Check out these posts:

Top 5 Twitter Tools For Entrepreneurs

10 Instagram Tools For Small Business Owners

15 Top Facebook Tools For Marketers

I’d love to know: which tool(s) do you use to manage your social media? Please let me know in the comments below!

                              http://j.mp/2xx63Wn via Kim Garst | Marketing Strategies that WORK URL : https://kimgarst.com

The following post is from my website here. I’ve copied it over exactly the same – but without the images (reddit doesn’t allow images in text posts).If you’d prefer to read it as it was intended click here. Otherwise, buckle up and read below...Most of you have probably heard of the graffiti-artist Banksy. Nobody knows who he actually is, but he spray paints pretty cool pictures around the world. His work and mystery persona make him one of the most famous and talked about artists in the world today.Back in 2015 Banksy (along with some other artists) launched a theme-park inspired art exhibition called ‘Dismaland’[1]. It was billed with the tagline “Prepared in secret, the pop-up exhibition at the Tropicana, a disused lido, was "a sinister twist on Disneyland"[2]. Banksy described it as a "family theme park unsuitable for children."The hype around it was massive and tickets were flying off the shelf. As with anything shiny my then-girlfriend-now-wife was itching to see. We managed to get tickets, and made the 3.5 hour car trip to see it.Honestly overall we had a pretty shit time.Now don’t get me wrong. It wasn’t shit overall. But we made it shit because we made a REALLY dumb decision - one we massively regretted the whole journey back, and still even today to some extent.I want you to play close attention. I’m going to explain the psychological forces-at-play that led us to make our dumb decision. If you understand it fully you’ll discover one of the most powerful and exploitable tools in business. Big claim I know, but I’m not overhyping one bit.Ok back to Dismaland.Now first thing to understand is that there were 3 showings each day. And that meant you only had 3 hours inside the arena before the next bunch of people were let in. Second there were various exhibits you could check out – see below for the map of dismaland:Dismaland MapNow some of the exhibits required queuing because they were inside a room or enclosement. Examples include numbers 1,2,3,6 and 9. It should be noted that we knew absolutely nothing about the Dismaland exhibits, nor had we seen the map or read reviews etc.Immediately as we entered we saw a HUGE queue for the Water Canon Creek exhibit (Number 6 on the map). There were other queues for other exhibits but they were pretty short. Number 6 was the only one with a huge queue. So we joined the back.The queue took close to 90 minutes. Fucking 90 minutes. But hey we made it to the front and braced ourselves for the exhibit inside…It was shit. Complete total shit. It was a few pieces of obscure art inside a van. We walked through it and came out the other side EXTREMELY DISAPPOINTED.Why was the queue so long you ask? Because there was a shitload of writing with every piece of art. A lot of people in the van were reading a hell of a lot of it, and that’s what was causing the massive queue. I’m deadly serious. That’s the reason.Now I don’t profess to be an art connoisseur, but the exhibits we saw afterwards were actually pretty cool. Not all of them, but some were. But I assure you there was nothing special about the exhibit. Eventually we ran out of time and left Dismaland without seeing quite a lot of it.I later spoke to a few others who had attended, and also felt pissed off having made the same error of joining the humungous queue. So the question remains – why did we end up joining the queue?.So What Made Me Stand In Line For A Piece Of Shit Exhibition In The First Place? (Do I suffer from brain rot).It’s simple. I saw a big queue. And that made us think it must be good.That’s it! That’s how the human mind works. That’s how just about every human mind works [3].We had ZERO idea what we were queuing for. We hadn’t read anything about it to make our own judgments. We hadn’t read a single review or had anyone tell is it was good. Seeing the huge queue subconsciously singlehandedly made us believe it must be great.Now before you start to think we’re mentally retarded I urge you to think about your life. Ever walked by a bunch of restaurants and seen one way busier than the others? Or maybe you were walking somewhere and saw a big queue and thought “hmmm… what’s that about?”I want you to know the second you recognised the busy restaurant or queue, you unknowingly put it above every other restaurant/store/event you know nothing about. You’ve subconsciously convinced yourself there’s something to whatever the queue is for.It works off a simple premise. While we believe that any one individual can be stupid and make a dumb decision, we don’t believe a bunch of people can be collectively stupid enough to make a dumb decision.This is what is often referred to as “Social Proof”. The simple act of assuming something’s great because a whole bunch of other people are backing it..“OK, But I Can’t Create A Big Queue of People at My Doorstep – How Is This Useful To Me”.You don’t need a big queue at your door. Nor would it be much use seeing as most of us have potential clients phoning or emailing us. They couldn’t see the damn queue even if it were there.You must understand it’s not the queue which changes an outsider’s perspective of you. It’s the fact they believe that there’s a big number of others who are already convinced you’re the man/woman for the job.So how can we achieve that?It’s extremely simple. Just do anything which subconsciously makes it seem like you’re in demand. Do this consistently throughout the process until they make the decision to work with you and you’re a significantly more attractive option. Not only will this increase your close rate[4], but your increased desirability will allow you to bump the price – and therefore the amount you earn for ZERO additional work on your part – without resistance.It’s seems silly but it’s not. The illusion of others interested in your business gives the potential client reassurance in your abilities. They’re willing to pay more for that reassurance…The human mind is a wonderfully manipulatable thing!.So How Can You Sneak In Demonstrations of Social Proof Into Your Business? (Two Real Life Examples).There’s literally a 1000 different ways to do this at just about every stage of your business – be it your advertising, on the phone, in person.I didn’t write this post to layout a million examples. This post is about the power of social proof and how it can be leveraged.The truth is it’s bloody obvious when you put a little thought into it. If you scrutinise the way you’re communicating to your clients-to-be, and compare them against someone who is in demand you’ll notice big differences. Simply change them to reflect what the person in demand would do and you’ve got it!Regardless I thought I’d share two quick common scenarios, and how a smart brained marketer/businessman could adapt them to subtly communicate they’re the real deal.I'll be releasing an article in the future on that for those interested here. But for now I’ve picked two examples below.1) Someone Needs To RescheduleImagine you’ve made an appointment and someone needs to cancel. They call you and say “John, I can’t do 3.30pm tomorrow because I need to lick my cat’s asshole. Can we make it 4pm instead?”Now most people I know say “Yup”. But think what that subcommunicates. It says you’re twiddling your thumbs in front of xvideos waiting for people. You’re free and ready to be at service for anyone who’ll throw you a scrap of business.Instead say this “Sorry John, I’m busy until 6pm. I can do then, otherwise it’ll have to be Wednesday 4.30pm”. Bingo. You’re now a man in demand. You’ve subcommunicated you’re not some bitchboy who bends and twists to any on-demand request. That your time means something. Because you’re busy with other business.Oh yeah, some of you will be scared to do this. You’ll have some fear in your head that the inconvenience caused will lose you a client-to-be. In short, your fear is complete shit. Serious clients want someone in demand FAR MORE than they want drop of the pin convenience.Remember they approach people like us because they have a problem to be solved. The person in demand is the one who they consider most likely to fix their problems. It sure as hell isn’t the bozo who is so out of work – and therefore ability – that others simply won’t hand it to him.2) Someone Comes To Your Office For An AppointmentHere’s a particularly brilliant application of the illusion of social proof.If possible book the appointment smack bang in between two other clients. The aim here is for your potential client to see someone else leave as he enters. And to see someone enter as he leaves.If for whatever reason you can’t make this happen, then use two friends or family members as plants. Again this subcommunicates you’re busy and wanted..But Wait – This Is A Form of Lying. Isn't it Deceitful and Wrong?.Some people consider what I’ve described as immoral and unethical. They believe it to be “lying” or “deceptive”. My response is simple. Do you believe you can help solve the clients problems, and do you do it better than most of the others in your market?If the answer is yes then you’ve done your client a service by helping him make the right choice. Understand that the majority of practitioners in your market are complete crap. And many won’t hesitate to pull out any effective psychological to nab a client-in-need from you.The quality of work you do is all that matters in the end. By jesus help them make the right choice. If that’s deception then so be it. I call it business. If you know you’re good, you know you can do the job they need, drop your pretensions and make it happen.If however you know deep down you can’t solve a client’s problems then I’m afraid it won’t be long before your reputation is so shitty that no trick in the book will help you. I suggest you change career..How To Develop This In Other Areas Of Your Business (And Other Examples of Manufacturing Social Proof To Boost The Number Of Clients and Fees You Charge).You simply need to think strategically and apply social proof in other areas of your business. All this requires is a little brains. Hopefully the examples, and more importantly the thinking behind it, will help you apply it elsewhere..Side Ramble Points From Above.[1] A clever play of Disneyland for my mentally handicapped readers [2] Clearly the work of a copywriter or two [3] You may think you’re smarter than this. Firstly you’re not. Secondly it’s not about you, it’s about the way others think dummy! [4] Close rate = percentage of people who you convince to become your paying client – out of those who enquired.If you enjoyed this post then give it an upvote, and for godsake leave a comment. I’ve written this post because I enjoy it and want to share. It takes time, effort and heart to write this thing. The last thing I want is to feel like I’m writing it for nothing. Your comments mean the world to me. The more positive response I receive the more I’ll continue to write and share my experiences.If you enjoyed the post you’ll probably enjoy my site The High Fee Club. The site is dedicated to significantly increasing fees for those of us who are good at what we do.For the record the site isn’t for newbies looking to start but who’ve never got a client – I don’t cater for that. But if you’re actually in business and good at what you do head on over here.Anyway, feel free to ask me any questions you may have around social proof. It’s an area of discussion I love, so fire away and I’ll pick up any questions which sound cool.

Know Your Enemy: Celebrating 50 Years of the Forever War

Robert Sammelin

No one drank more than the scientist. Every night, after whatever patriotic black-tie gala marriage played props at, he could be found at the hotel bar, trying to extract existential meaning from a banana colada. It was an odd drinking of option for such a serious human, but only once did he respond to our interrogations about it.

It pleases the nerve fibers, he said, all baritone to his voice, before disappearing into the chilled yellow muck again. We were in New Tulsa, debriefing after a grueling dinner with a bunch of white-haired solar energy exec. Wed been on the road for months, and morale used to go the way of the glacier. I ordered a round for the table, and we toasted to the hustle. Heroes of the nation, peddling war bonds by day, drinking like froufrous by night. Our drill instructor would not have been proud.

Maybe it wasnt New Tulsa. Maybe itd been in Charlotte after the fund-raiser with the nanofinance douchebags. Anyhow.

There were 11 of us on the bond drive, 12 if you included the JngerBot. The Forever War had just entered its sixth decade, and our politicians didnt pretend they were going to end it anymore, even during elections. They couldnt. Wed tried everything: nation-building, nation-destroying, sending terrorists and their families to the Mars penal colony, sending the rebel Young Siberians to actual Siberia. Nothing had worked. We were at war because we always had been. We were at war because we always would be. We were at war because we were at war.

Matt Gallagher

About

Matt Gallagher is the author of the novel Youngblood and the Iraq memoir Kaboom: Embracing the Suck in a Savage Little War.

The government decided to celebrate the Forever Wars golden anniversary with loud, shiny bombast. We were part of that bombast. AMERICAS HEROES, TOGETHER AT LAST, ran the tagline. We were like a roving assortment act, but without name recognition or singing or sex appeal. Without anything, truly. Just pasts wiped clean with the antiseptic of narrative. So we stood there and smiled and waved while other people told our tales to the crowds. The crowd cheered. We waved again.

After the coladas, I settled the tab and excused myself. The younger veterinarians night was just beginning, but mine was nearing its end. In the queue for the teleporter to the rooms, a human about my age waited behind me. He wore a rumpled dress shirt and an overlong tie-in and a goatee on the brink of coherence.

He was looking everywhere but my hoverchair. People with legs always do that. It reminds me of the route some men used to try very hard not to look at my cleavage when I was younger. The endeavor simply underlines the fixation.

Thank you, he said. For what you did.

Thank you for your supporting, I told, a answer as hollow as it was practiced. He mustve been at the event earlier.

Cancan I tell you something?

Sure, I told. Women in military uniforms have this impact on men in dress shirts, for some reason. If youd like to.

I wanted to be a recon marine when I was a kid. He said it like it was a church confession, something hidden away in the lost rifts of his soul for decades. Did the recon workout at the gym for years, he continued. Stupid, I know.

I nodded, both because it was stupid and because I knew.

Youre a bona fide hero. The men segue was as graceful as a startled dog, but it was late. That scientist, though. Hes killing people. And not only the enemy.

I thought about “the mens” words. They were true enough. So what would you do? I asked. If you were him.

Me? The man stroked his goatee. I wouldnt even know.

Pragmatically, I told. Youre the scientist. You live in this country. The wars happening. You can perhaps aim it or not. Either style, people succumb. What do you do?

II object to the question. And to the idea. Im not him. The human voice had a quiver to it now. Not an angry quiver, either. A frightened one. I was just sayingI dont think its right. Thats all.

OK, I said. Night. It was my turning at the teleporter. I get in and went to my room. I didnt begrudge the man his opting out. We all had in some manner. Even us.

Especially us.

The Federals had discovered me at my sisters, on the porch, scrolling through a holopad article about the rabid lemur thatd killed Justin Bieber Jr. Furious George Howls With Delight! read the headline. Its always spooky when sons succumb the same way their fathers did. The past comprehend us all, eventually. Even Biebers.

I was on my seventh year of an indefinite visit, still sleeping in a bare guest room. A potted flower or framed scene would have felt like marks of permanence, somehow. Id been living in increments since high school and wasnt about to stop simply because I couldnt figure out what to do with the rest of my life.

Theywell, welived at the top of a windy mound in a suburbium of a suburbium, wedged between a stand of wild honeysuckle and a pond shaped like a swollen snout. It was green and quiet. The kind of place where big flags hung from porches with humility. I taught painting at the community center and took my nieces to soccer practice and spend my Saturday nights at the one townie bar that served ros.

The life didnt induce me happy or anything, but it could have. Maybe should have.

There were three of them. They all wore jeans and plaid shirts of differing blandness. Id have expected suits and black sunglasses, but the decay effects of after-empire were reaching and vast.

Chief Warrant Officer Valerie Speer? one said. Well, asked. I didnt look my part, either. Female veterinarians tend to cut a certain mold. A liter-sized gremlin in a gardening hat wasnt it.

They told me about the bond drive. About how it would inspire patriotism again in the hearts and minds of the person or persons. About how it would get everyday citizens invested in the wars again.( Like they ever were. I knew the history .) About how the governmental forces needed the money, how 50 years of blowing up things in strange, faraway places had taken its toll on the budget, especially since the geothermal insurgency in Blue Russia began eating away at Uncle sam foreign trade.

About how the bond drive needed a woman on it, because they had an old guy, a blexican, a mexipino, and a robot, and showing that heroes were as diverse as the country mattered.

I laughed. A female. I danced my metal fingers through the air. In the right sun my prosthetics could look like flesh. We werent in it. Thats why you need me.

That made the two men in jeans and plaid look down at the ground, but the woman Fed just stared at me.

Youre Valerie Speer, she said. The tone in her voice sounded so earnest it snapped. Do you know what you mean to my generation of status of women? I joined the agency because of you.

She was lying about that, I was almost sure. But shed appealed to my pride. I danced my fingers through the air again and took in all the green, all the quiet. Seven years here. Seven years that had induced me soft. Did people my age go on escapades anymore?

I requested information about financial compensation.

Heres the thing about being labeled a war hero: You either love it or hate it. Theres little space for mixed impressions. Take the scientist. Invented a drone mosquito that gives people the runs, sold it to the military, and stopped the Arabican conflict practically overnight. You cant fire a rifle when youre crapping out your brains. But some of the mosquitoes werent as specific as billed. During strafes, they bit foes and civilians alike. Which wouldnt have mattered much had we been fighting in the developed world. We werent, though. Outbreaks of dysentery and super-cholera followed, and the last UN estimate I watched numbered deaths in the tens of thousands.

The bond drive needed a woman on it. They already had an old guy, a blexican, a mexipino, and a robot.

The scientist had ended a war all with his mind. Yet the only thing he wanted in the world was to return to his lab, to his anonymity, and forget any of it ever happened.

The JngerBot seemed to resent the attention for other reasons. It didnt know what to induce of people, and truth be told, people didnt know what to attain of it. They could handle robots, had been dealing with them all their lives. Even the rough-and-tumble behaviour of a regular InfantryBot could be explained away. But an elite InfantryBot 5000 upgraded with the transcendental heroism and philosophical musings of decorated German World War I soldier Ernst Jnger? That caused some issues.

The anarch wages his own wars, the JngerBot said at a fund-raiser to a journalist whod would like to know whether it missed battle. Even when marching in rank and file.

Before a boxing prizefight, the JngerBot felt it necessary to remind the crowd what was what. Furrow opposing is the bloodiest, wildest, most brutal of all, it said to 70,000 drunk revelers in Vegas. Of all the wars exciting moments , none is so powerful as the session of two cyclone troop leaders between narrow trench walls. Theres no compassion there , no going back. The blood speaks from a shrill exclaim of recognition that tears itself from ones breast like a nightmare.

And then there were the children.

It told a 10 -year old with a JngerBot poster on his wall that killing an adversary would be a finer tribute. And when a bank presidents “girls ” pointed to us and asked if we were heroes, the JngerBot objected as only it could TAGEND

Heroes deeds and heroes graves, it said. Old and new you here may assure. How the Empire was created. How the Empire was preserved. It paused. We sought the death of heroes. There is no lovelier demise in the world.

The little girls face paled to glass as her father resulted her away. We all laughed about it , no one harder or longer than Dizzy. Dizzy was a walking, talking debate for breeding the remaining cis-males out of the gene pool, if only he hadnt been so pretty. Drone pilots. They think theyre so starfish because they can laser insurrectionists dead from space. And Dizzy was an superstar. He adored every minute of the bond drive, “members attention”, the parties, the hoverfloat rides, the certain type of female patriot who wanted to see the view from his hotel balcony. Beats going back to Pueblo and coaching CrossFit, hed tell, before unleashing that smile of full, fluoride shine. God, he could charm the sorcery underwear off a Mormon.

Would try, at least.

Hed earned the Silver Star in the Iraq war. Well, the Iraq war before the last one. Maybe it was three Iraq wars ago.

Dizzy and the younger vets on the bond drive are always privateersmercenaries if youre the protest, virtual-petition kind. WarriorCorps and Foreign Legion Inc. and Armed Humanitarianism Limited and the like. I was hybrid: part contractor but also part national military, before that ran extinct during the Whig Revolt of 36. Merely Emo Carlos was old enough to have been GI from beginning to end. Hed earned the Silver Star in the Iraq war. Well, the Iraq war before the last one. Perhaps it was three Iraq wars ago. Anyhow. We asked Emo Carlos about it over sushi, after a parade in Cleveland.

Jumped on a grenade at a checkpoint, he told, defining down his chopsticks with a shrug. Didnt go off.

We hollered and banged the table just because we could. Itd been a couple decades since anything but a bot had been close enough to a grenade to do anything like that. Even the JngerBot conveyed its admiration.

Defective? I asked.

Emo Carlos nodded. One in a million, they said.

What happened then? Dizzy asked.

The creases in Emo Carlos forehead folded into one another like papier-mch. He usually never talked about anything but drumming for his old-man punk band. Theyd served together back in the day and were known across the greater Rochester area as the Infidels. Geriatric humor.

Stood up, he said. Dusted off. Looked down. Realise Id pissed myself.

We hollered and banged the table all over again.

An elderly couple came over to us subsequently. Theyd overheard our conversation and wanted to say thank you. They said they had two grandsons in privateer training.

I know our thanks is a small thing, the spouse said. He and his wife looked so cute in their nice old-people clothes, khakis and sweaters and thick-rimmed glasses. They looked like other peoples grandparents always look. But sometimes its all those of us here can offer.

The wife nodded. Were all involved, she told. We believe that. As taxpayers, as citizens, thats how it is. Were with you.

We thanked them for thanking us and they left the restaurant.

What did she mean, Were all involved? Dizzy asked. No theyre not.

There were echoes of agreement and deliberation over what the old woman had meant, and not just about the word involved . Also about the word we .

Yo, Emo Carlos told. The table hushed. Theyre from my hour. When wars had objectives. When citizens tried to keep up. America used to be young. Thats what she meant.

Then say that, Dizzy told. Taxes? Who the fucking cares.

Emo Carlos shook his head again. He was trying to clear himself of frustrations, either with himself or with us. Then he pointed at me. Sent her to the damn moon. Supposed to save us all, putting the wars up there. Preserve the land and resources, remove civilian demises. Be tidy and simple. That was the plan.

And no one ever went back, Dizzy told. The game changed.

Well. Emo Carlos giggled. Military lesson numero uno, son, he said. No plan survives first contact.

The rest of us chuckled along with the old wisdom. Everyone but the scientist, who sat off by himself in the corner. He looked up at us with something between sadness and ferocity. It was hard to decide which.

Tidy and simple, he said. I like that.

When my nieces turn 12 and gain access to FreedomNet, they will find these three paragraphs about their aunt, etched into the digital histories forever and ever TAGEND Valerie Jade Speer( born May 2, 2011) was a chief warrant officer( air) and assault pilot in the United States Army and later the privateer organization Star Spangled Security. She was awarded the Star of Valor in 2042 for her actions during the Battle on the Moon, of which she was the only survivor . Deployed to the moon as part of the NATO coalition during the course of its South Seas dispute, Speer flew a Flying Yeager fusion helocraft during the battle, destroying five Chinese Federation space-helos and two Young Siberian cosmo-planes. Struck by an enemy dwarf ballistic, Speer crash-landed into the Titius Crater. She was thus sheltered from the amaze thermonuclear strike carried out by the Young Siberians that killed all other fighters and blew the hole in the moon now known as Putins Smile . Initially presumed dead, Speer was found during NATO recovery operations two days after the end of the combat. She lost three extremities, suffered burns over much of her body, and survived over 90 surgeries. President Natasha Obama told Speers life and narrative are a testament to the American spirit at her Star of Valor ceremony at the White House .

Words can be funny beasts. Her actions suggest some sort of agency, even control. Destroy is such a clean term for such messiness. Struck by defied my memory of it. Same with crash-landed.

Less so with lost. And suffered.

Testament. As if enduring were a selection. I did what anyone would have. There are no atheists in moon craters. And there are no fatalists in survivor wards of one.

I was thinking about that ward as I zipped up my suitcase in my sisters guest room for the bond drive. Thinking about the long stills of quiet during the nights. Guessing about being “ve called the” Burn by nurses who guessed I couldnt hear them. Supposing about the full-thickness graft done without anesthesia.

You sure about this, Val? My sister stood in the doorway. Her posture betrayed opposition. She was four years older and had always asked me questions that she already had answers for. You have options.

Shed said the same years prior, before Id left for the moon.

I am, I told both times, even though I wasnt both days. Id always detected power and resolve in ambiguity, though. Most people werent like that. My sister, for one.

Youve done more than your share, she continued, moving to the bed and putting her arm around my shoulder. So much more. I leaned my head into her and tried to hold in some of the familial warmth. Id miss it, I knew. Only sisters and nieces hug people like me. I dont think its right.

I smiled at that.

Its not, I told. But. If not me, then who?

Even running can be its own form of opting out. I didnt know that the first time. But I did the second. The last night in the guest room, as I tossed and turned in bed, I thought about that. Then I thought about the survivor ward again. And the long stills of quiet during the nights. And being “ve called the” Burn. And the graft.

Somewhere between Omaha and Tesla City, I began to realize just how different the younger vets were. It wasnt simply that they were privateers, either, or that they called adversary combatants pixels as an insult. Dizzy and his crew, they crowed about their service. Owned their superiority, then basked in it.

Do soldiers think theyre better than citizens? Of course. It has nothing to do with what did or didnt happen in their service, either. It has to do with the very notion of joining up. Americas been at war since before most of us were born. We joined because we wanted to go. Wed been told we were special from day one of boot camp, doing something the rest of our nation couldnt. Or worse, wouldnt. Too fat. Too selfish. Too lazy. Which made the realization after we got out that citizens think were beneath them all the more shocking. If theyre fat, selfish, and lazy, then whats worse than that?

We werent supposed to say any of that, though. My generation didnt, at least. We were taught that part of our service was biding quiet about it. To rise above, because thats what Jesus and George Washington and Beyonc wouldve wanted.

Thats what I did. Or tried to, at the least. Let the citizenry think what it wants, ran the logic. All part of being a republic.

Maybe we had it incorrect, though.

I wondered about that the night the protester confronted us. We were in Washington for a gala. Ordinarily “were in” ushered in through side or back door for events, but the organizers of this one had us walking in on a red carpet, through a galaxy of flashing lightings and holographic cameras.

Finally, Dizzy told, pausing to adjust his bow affiliation and lick his front teeth. The treatment we deserve.

Why the protester chose the JngerBot to cream-pie, Ill never know. By the time the uproar had reached my ears and Id floated around in my chair, the JngerBot had the young man by the throat. Request order to remove home-front adversary, it said, which was funny, and then not.

We got the young man free of the JngerBots prongs. He was reed-thin and had thick brown curls with eyes as dark and mad as the moon. I didnt know what to think about him or his pie. People didnt protest war in person anymore. It wasnt sane behavior.

Youre not heroes, he told. His terms were shaky. Its never easy coming face to face with people youve demonized. Or cockpit to cockpit. Youre tools of empire. Fuck you. Fuck all of you.

The cameras along the walkway started popping off like mortars. We all only stood there, waiting out his denunciation, because we were there to be seen and applauded , nothing else. His anger dazed me, and the others too. Not Dizzy, though.

Get bent, joker, Dizzy told, intersecting his arms for the cameras. War is bad? No shit. But it wont go forth just cause we want it to. Last month, two brigades from the same base get deployed. One goes to Kurd Mountain, saves those households from the horde. The other goes to Blue Russia, blows up some insurrectionists. Ones a humanitarian mission. The others combat. Both involve destruction.

Id never heard Dizzy speak with eloquence and passion before. He was good, and he knew it. He pressed on.

This JngerBot is a goddamn national gem. I dont know what brought you here tonight, and I dont dedicate a single fucking. We went so you dont “re going to have to”. Suck my hero balls.

The arrogance. The entitlement. The narrowness of thought. I loved it all, and I wasnt the only one. The red carpet explosion with applause. Dizzy even took a bow. But the acclaim wasnt universal.

After the protester had been escorted away and wed run inside for the gala, the scientist saw Dizzy. Dont do that again, he said. He loomed over the younger human like an angry parent. That guy is not your adversary. Neither is anyone else youve met on this stupid tour.

He aint a friend. Dizzy was trying to sound unbothered, and he leaned back in his chair and set his feet on the table. So what is he?

Only morons speak in absolutes, the scientist said.

Dizzy changed tactics. You know what he likely thinks about you? he asked. What all these people say when they think we cant hear? I had a woman tell me she didnt think we were whole human beings. Fuck her, and fuck that protester. Fuck all of them.

I wondered what the answers were to Dizzys questionwhat did people say about us? When they thought about us at all. Beyond the pomp and rite of the bond drive, we werent anything, I supposed. Just ciphers with tales people believed in, or didnt believe in, even before they heard them.

So. What. The scientists voice turned to iron as he responded to Dizzy. Thats the job. We have consequences.

Dizzy opened his mouth, but the scientist cut him off. You did . You did when you didnt “re going to have to”. Thats enough. It has to be. Then he stormed off, presumably for the hotel bar.

The scientist opted out that night. The rest of us did too, by doing the job. We stood there and smiled and waved while other people told our stories to the crowds. The crowd cheered. We waved again.

We walked back to the hotel as a group after the jamboree. We stopped in a park with green lawns and a marble fountain and joked about the protester, giggled about the scientist. The scientist had been right, but so what? What did being right have to do with anything? Dizzy had regained whatever force-out it was that sustained him and began chatting up a pair of young women who considered themselves patriots. I watched it all and thought about the ward and then my sisters home. The JngerBot came up beside me.

You managed that pie well, I told it. It didnt say anything, so I continued. Waiting for an order, I mean.

Here is our kingdom, the best use of monarchies, the best republic, the JngerBot told. Here is our garden, our happiness.

What a random thing to tell, I thought. Even for a robot. But subsequently, after considering it more, I decided otherwise.

The Fiction Issue

Tales From an Uncertain Future

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Hey guys, our startup was featured on Beta List last week and had solid results. Wanted to share the strategy we used for the launch, where I messed up, and some info on Beta List for those considering getting featured.To give a bit of context, we’re working on a personal CRM that enables you to manage your professional life without leaving your inbox. We’ve been busy developing the product and the need to gather beta users crept up on us. My research brought me to a bunch of different pre-launch platforms I submitted to - Beta List brought in significantly more signups (over 70% of total so far) than the rest so I thought I’d speak on our experience with them. Here’s what we did:Created A Landing PageWhile we obviously previewed the product's core features, I didn't want to go into extreme detail. Our site focused on one thing above all - sign ups. The idea was to cut right to the chase by quickly pitching product and guiding the user to register immediately. In most cases Beta List visitors with the intention of registering for new startups, so we tried to make the process as easy as possible.To do this, I used the entire first fold to zero in on the sign up form. We only asked for a user’s email - if you’re tempted to ask for more info to get insights into your audience, don’t do it. I really think lengthening the signup process significantly decreases the chance a user converts. The lone content we included is our tagline and a small descriptor letting users know the benefit of signing up. This setup has converted on 36.19% of our visitors so far. That's including all visitors, if you only account for new its just under 43%. We're a week and a half in, but after the first 3 or 4 days signups gradually lessened day by day.I know “Coming Soon” templates are a quick and cost effective way to put together a page, but if you have the time and resources I’d suggest shying away from popular templates. You run the risk of looking similar to the dozens of other startups featured next to you, so standing out from the crowd is key. Beta List visitors are probably way more familiar with these templates than you think, just from checking out a some options when I initially considered using one I could identify a ton on the site.Tried to Make it PersonalIf you look at most startup listings on the site it’s a product, their pitch, and a couple comments if the page has done well. The pages that showed visitors there’s a team behind the startup tended to do better, so we commented to introduce our product, thanked them for giving us a bit of their time, and encouraged them to provide feedback so we can continue to tweak. We also used Drip to send new subscribers a personalized thank you, and let them know what they can expect to receive from us in the near future. I used split testing on to see what messaging got more responses. We ended up getting some good data and had noticeably higher open and click through rates on our informal version.Identified CompetitorsWhen you set up your page you can select 5 different tags to identify your startup. We chose 3 or 4 tags obvious ones but struggling to find the last. To grab that one I considered the subjects our persona’s would also interested in - users can search by tag if they have their mind set on one space. These tags also helped us in identifying competitors. At the bottom of your Beta List page there are a list startups similar to yours. I checked these guys out to see what the competition is up to, I knew some of the names on but learned about a few new players in the space.Payed for FlexibilityBeta List can have a lengthy waiting queue with submission because of its popularity. They offer a $129 package to get you to the front of the line, which to us was worth it. We were able to select the exact day we were featured, which along with some research on their traffic gave us a slight edge in visibility.Invited the FriendsWe wanted to grab the attention of Beta List visitors by validating the product with a nice base of likes or “hearts” (don't think they actually call out what they're named on the site). While I don’t think this was make or break for the feature, it’s an easy way to give your page a push and build momentum. I’m not suggesting you beg every one of your contacts to go give your startup's page a like - just posting on your personal social medias to let friends/family know they should check it out will bring in more valuable, honest feedback. Site's like Beta List also probably have some for of voter ring detection, so you probably won't get too far with that.If I Could Do It AgainThe mistake I’m still kicking myself over is not initially including our social information on our landing and thank you page. We didn’t have our Twitter or Facebook linked for the first two days, our most active period for traffic and sign ups. As a result we didn’t capitalize on some potential fans, which are especially difficult to establish starting off.Again, we had a really good run with Beta List and would tell anyone considering to spend more effort on this launch than a BetaPage, Beta Bound, Launching.io etc. Still definitely worth doing, just hasn't brought us in nearly as many conversions.

Hey guys, our startup was featured on Beta List last week and had solid results. Wanted to share the strategy we used for the launch, where I messed up, and some info on Beta List for those considering getting featured.To give a bit of context, we’re working on a personal CRM that enables you to manage your professional life without leaving your inbox. We’ve been busy developing the product and the need to gather beta users crept up on us. My research brought me to a bunch of different pre-launch platforms I submitted to - Beta List brought in significantly more signups (over 70% of total so far) than the rest so I thought I’d speak on our experience with them. Here’s what we did:Created A Landing PageWhile we obviously previewed the product's core features, I didn't want to go into extreme detail. Our site focused on one thing above all - sign ups. The idea was to cut right to the chase by quickly pitching product and guiding the user to register immediately. In most cases Beta List visitors with the intention of registering for new startups, so we tried to make the process as easy as possible.To do this, used the entire first fold to zero in on the sign up form. We only asked for a user’s email - if you’re tempted to ask for more info to get insights into your audience, don’t do it. I really think lengthening the signup process significantly decreases the chance a user converts. The lone content we included is our tagline and a small descriptor letting users know the benefit of signing up. This setup has converted on 36.19% of our visitors so far. That's including all visitors, if you only account for new its just under 43%. We're a week and a half in, but after the first 3 or 4 days signups gradually lessened day by day.I know “Coming Soon” templates are a quick and cost effective way to put together a page, but if you have the time and resources I’d suggest shying away from popular templates. You run the risk of looking similar to the dozens of other startups featured next to you, so standing out from the crowd is key. Beta List visitors are probably way more familiar with these templates than you think, just from checking out a some options when I initially considered using one I could identify a ton on the site.Tried to Make it PersonalIf you look at most startup listings on the site it’s a product, their pitch, and a couple comments if the page has done well. The pages that showed visitors there’s a team behind the startup tended to do better, so we commented to introduce our product, thanked them for giving us a bit of their time, and encouraged them to provide feedback so we can continue to tweak.We also used Drip to send new subscribers a personalized thank you, and let them know what they can expect to receive from us in the near future. I used split testing on to see what messaging got more responses. We ended up getting some good data and had noticeably higher open and click through rates on our informal version.Identified CompetitorsWhen you set up your page you can select 5 different tags to identify your startup. We chose 3 or 4 tags obvious ones but struggling to find the last. To grab that one I considered the subjects our persona’s would also interested in - users can search by tag if they have their mind set on one space.These tags also helped us in identifying competitors. At the bottom of your Beta List page there are a list startups similar to yours. I checked these guys out to see what the competition is up to, I knew some of the names on but learned about a few new players in the space.Payed for FlexibilityBeta List can have a lengthy waiting queue with submission because of its popularity. They offer a $129 package to get you to the front of the line, which to us was worth it. We were able to select the exact day we were featured, which along with some research on their traffic gave us a slight edge in visibility.Invited the FriendsWe wanted to grab the attention of Beta List visitors by validating the product with a nice base of likes or “hearts” (don't think they actually call out what they're named on the site). While I don’t think this was make or break for the feature, it’s an easy way to give your page a push and build momentum. I’m not suggesting you beg every one of your contacts to go give your startup's page a like - just posting on your personal social medias to let friends/family know they should check it out will bring in more valuable, honest feedback. Site's like Beta List also probably have some for of voter ring detection, so you probably won't get too far with that.If I Could Do It AgainThe mistake I’m still kicking myself over is not initially including our social information on our landing and thank you page. We didn’t have our Twitter or Facebook linked for the first two days, our most active period for traffic and sign ups. As a result we didn’t capitalize on some potential fans, which are especially difficult to establish starting off.Again, we had a really good run with Beta List and would tell anyone considering to spend more effort on this launch than a BetaPage, Beta Bound, Launching.io etc. Still definitely worth doing, just hasn't brought us in nearly as many conversions.Edit: a word