this is real ,  i’m real .  look at me .

TOO MANY LIVES LIVED HAVE INSTILLED WITHIN HIM SOME SORT OF MADNESS THAT HE CANNOT SHAKE. tristan cannot quite recall all the individuals he's been throughout his life, such that he's not sure he could ever determine which of them - if any - had ever truly been him. he will admit aloud to no one what horrors his nightmares hold, the terrors stitched permanently within him by years beneath the banner of a clan which had snatched from him an unjust number of years. ( or perhaps that's what he would think if he put much stock in the concept of justice at all. ) as such, he prefers to sleep in solitude, isolated from the world with his back to the wall and nobody near to witness his weakness - nor be subject to that madness.

somehow, the nightmares have quieted since he began traveling alongside sheik - or at least quiet enough to remain his secret, even alongside the undoubtedly keen warrior. occasionally he wakes in cold sweats, tension clutching the muscles in his shoulders, nails biting into his hands, but if sheik has noticed, they haven't said anything, haven't even acknowledged it through body language - often the pair's preferred form of communication. tristan should have known it was only a matter of time before the illusion shattered, before he came to this way, his sickle pressed dangerously along the curve of the sheikah's throat and free hand knotted in the front of their tunic, snarling as though he faced enemy rather than ally, foe rather than friend and lover.

his breath catches in his throat, ragged and scraping, and sweat shines upon his brow. it takes a moment for him to come to, for him to realize that it is not, in fact, a member of the clan come in the night to claim his life for the slight of leaving it. the face that looks at him is familiar, a trusted companion - or as trusted as any companion of his can be, considering his nature. tristan's chest heaves as, finally, he removes the blade from their throat, making every effort to steady his breathing rather than gasp for air, rather than accept the position of vulnerability in which he had just found himself. ❝ you should be more careful, ❞ he tries to snap, though his voice emerges in more of a weak, hoarse rasp, even as he practically bears his teeth in a renewed snarl. ❝ I could have killed you. ❞

DIRE SITUATIONS.

❛ i have no queen, no king and no country. i have only ever had what i believe. ❜

⊹ ⁺ rule of wolves starters. ) ACCEPTING!

       THE WAKING DOES NOT QUITE SETTLE UPON HER.   sinking into these silken sheets and the bareness of limbs parting the froth of her duvet.   the bed had always been an excessively grand piece far too expansive for one and yet typically reserved for the dragon queen alone.   when she comes to she feels the gentle dark at her side,   their skin deep and warm in the excess of ivory.   here they both cut the same lines through the pallid dressings and she begins to recall their return to her.   it always began;   blood first and then the kiss,   the kiss that was also a memory.   the monk had stirred awake before she and the witch can feel the lightness of fingers dragging down her spine,   a study of the furrowed flesh where the tiger had staked its claim.   SOMETIMES I CAN STILL FEEL THOSE TEETH AGAINST MY WRIST.   the many animals within her stand at attention then to the adjoining heartbeat.   even half-conscious the invasive bond begins to remake itself out of habit.   

        this room holds all the markings of her status and perhaps this is what resurfaced the reminder of her place in this city.   gown of night sky laid out on the carpet,   the circlet of steel and bone tossed haphazardly over the surface of the vanity table.   ❛   i would never ask for you to pledge your loyalty in such a way.   ❜   a voice thick with fatigue as she raises her cheek from the pillow to face them.   morning's only presence in the room made known by the cracks in brocade curtains.   THERE WAS A TIME I WOULD HAVE ASKED YOU TO SWEAR;   MY NAME AND MY COUNTRY INEXTRICABLE FROM THE OTHER.   a greater purpose has shown itself to her and the years fell like torrent   ━   painfully quick reminding her just how much she had left to endure.   ❛   my crown is ephemeral as a storm...   my reign will pass and all this along with it.   ❜   pulling herself further out of the haze of sleep,   chin rests atop a palm and her eyes sweep the expanse of ocean-lined walls   (   the false sea,   a child's comfort she has taken with her into this new life   )   

        it is then that she presses a hand to their chest;   palm over thrum and that same reverberation goes through the whole of her.   ❛   this is what you believe in,   is it not?   ❜   to drown in this;   every molecule of oxygen in their veins humming in tandem to her own.   ❛   blood   ━   a red thread that ties your heart to mine.   that is what is ours and that is eternal.   ❜   leaning in her lips brush below their collar bone,   branding that space between life's blood and breath.   every word is its own hush as the day before the monarch begins to materialize itself.   TRADING THE DREAM FOR THE COOL CUT OF REALITY.   ❛   i still do not know why you came all this way.   i would have returned to you in my own time.   ❜  

⊰ CONTINUED FROM HERE, @sheikage

THOUGH A MASTER AT HIDING, IT IS NOT AN ACT SHE ENJOYS. calling the sun and watching its golden rays spill from her fingers fills her spirit with as much warmth as it does the world with light ─ and when she quenches it, hides it behind a wall of shadow not conjured from small science but from the necessity of safekeeping, a distinct chill wraps itself around her & takes and takes and takes, until there is little left to steal. for a split moment, the sunlight flickers & darkens, as if merely the thought of hiding it again is powerful enough to terrify even the sun. ❛ i’ve had practice, ❜ the sun summoner explains, head tilted to meet sheik’s smiling gaze. it spreads, and quickly her lips curve upwards again, the memories of a sick girl hiding from herself and the rest of the world carried away on the breeze. hovering above them, her light burns bright and steady again. ❛ so i’d better be good at hiding it. ❜

his words procure a quaint little image in her head: a silhouetted figure sitting crosslegged on a picturesque mountaintop, the high rocks colored in the white of snows until it melts away to the dark grey of graphite, the vibrant blues, pinks & purples of the ever-changing sky. at first she thinks, how serene it must have been. and then, creeping in like an encroaching shadow, another thought crosses her mind. how lonely she would have been if it were her. ❛ i consider myself lucky then, that an eyesight of such scale as yours is uncommon in most people. who knows where i’d be if others had noticed me the way you just did ─ burned at a stake, perhaps? ❜ the words are delivered with an airy chuckle, for alina is eager as always to soften the blow of their grim reality with a poor attempt at humour. even after decades upon decades passing in a blur, their people are still haunted by the same archaic beliefs as when she was an oblivious otkazat’sya child. ❛ don’t leave me hanging. how would you have known? ❜

CHARACTER ASSOCIATIONS

aesthetic : bruised knuckles. rebel with a cause. failure isn’t an option. the taste of copper in your mouth. my mother taught me that hope was vicious. sharp determination. fear is a prison. an elegy for the lost. screaming at the sky. old blood stains. clenched hands. grappling in the dark. a storm with skin. finding hope you weren’t expecting.  alignment : walks the line between chaotic good and chaotic neutral. animal : a small bird of prey ( perhaps a kestrel ). body part : knuckles. color : neutrals –– dark green, brown, black, grey. dnd class : fighter. element : fire. emotion : anger hope. gemstone : snowflake obsidian. mythological figure : god - ares. creature - harpy. plant : purple saxifrage ( deemed the hardiest plant in the world ! ). planet : mars. quote : " in a kinder universe, she would have walked away from scarif. i cannot imagine who she would have become, but i think she would have been extraordinary. " ( mothma reflecting on jyn's life ). season : the precipice between winter and spring, dark and cold but with rebirth and growth just around the corner.  smell : blaster oil, smoke, a bit of gasoline. underneath that, more earthy scents, like the dirt before it rains or something a bit sharper, like pine trees. song : heat stroke - black math ( fight scene music ). star sign : aries. temperment : choleric. vice : wrath, pride. virtue : diligence, justice. weather : foggy, dark, rainy –– something that makes it easy for her to stay hidden and anonymous.

tagged by : made it myself by cobbling together some other memes like frankenstein tagging : @gunbash , @warbyrds , @debelltio , @wilsonjacket , @avengeus , @vipier , @proditeur , @flxmekeepr , @strnza / @dsrtrose , @sheikage , and you !!

where should you be kissed?

palm. you give and give. you are a gentle heart, broken but still standing... always lending a hand for those who need it, expecting nothing in return. you deserve someone taking your hand and kissing your open palm, the hands which have selflessly helped so many others.

tagged by: @chateautangerine ( thank you sm! )

tagging: @huntershowl @thanatologies @ohshadow @mythvoiced ( go ham ) @ncrthernattitude @wolfcross @chromatiica @unseenking @tobedisastrous @dngsk @frombloodandink ( mister eiffel ) @ermiis ( for hermes or pat! ) @kokorowattari @kurjaks @detectivewoof @tempist @sheikage

𝙷𝙾𝚆 𝙳𝙾𝙴𝚂 𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁 𝙼𝚄𝚂𝙴 𝙲𝙰𝚁𝚁𝚈 𝙴𝙼𝙾𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽𝚂?

ANGER. jaw clenching, hands balling into fists, teeth grinding, yelling, going non-verbal, stuttering speech, rushed speech, slow concise speech, rambling, quiet, arms crossing, shaking head, tearing up, animated, expressionless, projects, internalises, vents, withdraws, passive aggressive, direct, physical outbursts, verbal outbursts.

JOY. easy smiles, fighting back grins, suppressed laughter, loud laughter, giggles, chuckling, smirks, whole body laughs, covers mouth when laughing / giggling, throws head back when laughing, slaps leg, touches people around them when laughing, looks down when laughing, looks for eye contact when laughing, sparkling eyes, bubbly happiness, quiet subtle happiness, obnoxious happiness, wants to spread joy, quietly savours joy.

SADNESS. crying, bottling it up, seeks distractions, wallows, meditates, trains and processes, avoidance, seeks out comfort, withdraws, talks it out, internalises it, sad smiles, depression naps, uses alcohol, uses drugs, seeks out sources of joy, fidgets with sentimental item, sits in silence, broods, gets moody, wants someone to share the misery, tries to hide negative emotions, nurtures others to make themselves feel better.

EMBARRASSMENT / SHAME. blushing, looking away, rubbing at back of head, covering face, laughing nervously, laughs it off, overthinks, lets it go, self-deprecating humor, deflects, gets irritated, smiles, withdraws, crossing arms over stomach, crossing arms over chest, hands in pockets, shoulders sinking, shrugs, falling into silence until comfortable again, talking a lot to compensate.

GUILT. avoiding eye contact, shoulders sinking low, head hanging down, crying, chest aches, lashes out, internalises, apologises, deflects, communicates, withdraws, grand gestures for forgiveness, accepts fault easily, punishes themselves, martyrdom, victim complex, guilt complex, healthy conscience, internalises even after forgiveness, seeking redemption, moves on easily, denial, lack of guilt / conscience, sorry they got caught more than caused harm, can’t handle knowing they hurt others.

FEAR / ANXIETY. trembling, crying, sarcasm / sass to cope, rambles, goes silent, gets angry, fidgeting, clenching jaw, picking at nails, chewing at lip, pulling at clothes, adjusting jewellery / clothing, swallowing thickly, eyes widening, over-reacts, under-reacts, calm, logical, panic, irrational, overthinks, carefully analyses, talks to themselves, breathing exercises, flight, fight, withdraw, fawn.

tagged by : the incomparable @daylighter! tagging : @reporther, @zmeydeva, @rosenvale ( spike, august, impa, anyone you want! ), @sheikage, @vicioushope, @w4ntd, @debelltio, @barrelborne, @lunaccult ( nesta and/or jude! ), @beartsar, and anyone else who wants to!

" come on. have a taste. "

⊹ ⁺ bloody prompts for the mentally unwell ) ACCEPTING!

       IT WAS NOT THE SAME TO FEEL THAT PULSE IN HER MOUTH BUT MISS THE SAVOR ON HER TONGUE.    she had imagined it;   conjured up crimson fantasies that made that thrumming in her throat real.   the dragon demands tribute by blood in all forms.    it was not enough to have them by the vein,    to twist an artery from a distance,    to rupture its tender exterior with the length of a mountain's pass between them.    this was the conditions of such a dalliance;    to do ruin to one another without the need for touch.    it spoils the art,    dashes it with the physical when it was purely a battle of will,    of the mind.   THE TWO ARE NOT AS SEPARATE AS YOU SEE THEM,    NOBANA.    as they called her,    a blossom with teeth for petals and that is what they requested of the witch    ━   mouth.    

         a cruel coaxing in the monastery's dimness.   the wind howls against its fortified walls;    built to withstand the sikurzoi's unyielding turmoil.    the sky seems to beat in tandem to the rising tantrum within her.   a successful strike at an aorta had caused a blooming,    a redness that had escaped their lips before they could mend the internal lashing.    she moves through the room with no need for further beckoning.    once the scent has traveled there is nothing but silver in her gaze and hunger knotted in her chest.    it spills over their chin and they let the brilliant river flow,    dripping onto the floor    ━   the only color in the sparse,    muted space.    ❛   what if i want more than that?    ❜   they seem to sink to the ground in unison then,    two bodies of one mind alike in intention.    she makes a mess of their lips dragging her thumb across that uncharted landscape and taking that first morsel into her maw.    lapping at what had been gathered and still wanting    (    can i unlearn the patience you sought to teach me?    )   it was only ever an illusion    ━   a temporary showing of control.    

         stained fingertips carry that blood onto the bare expanse of their neck    ━    the skin there feverishly warm from the increase in circulation.   GOOD,    YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT IS TO COME.   a rehearsal to a scene they had yet to play but memorized all the lines to.    prediction,    that is why they engage in such fatal schemes.    to anticipate what comes next for the other;    the body always knows before the mind.    ❛   will you stop me?    ❜    her mouth is against their pulse point,    feeling each beat not only as an echo but through the very ivory of her teeth.   this time it is not a taste;    it is a bloodbath and it is a banquet.   the ice flees from her in its entirety then she is warmth,    and years,    and shadow,    and time rewound.    an eclipsing of the self as she fills her own veins with theirs.   

basic information.

legal name: alina starkova. most known as: the sun summoner, sankta alina, sankta alina of the fold, alina the bright, alina the just, alina the merciful, sol koroleva, daughter of keramzin, daughter of ravka, daughter of the fold, rebe dva stolba ( daughter of the two mills ), rebe dva volkshiya ( daughter of the people ), the patron saint of orphans and undiscovered gifts. nickname(s): alya, alinochka, lina, solnishka. date of birth: december 21st. sex: cis-gendered woman ( she / her ) place of birth: dva stolba, a small settlement along the border between ravka and shu han. currently living: verse dependent. usually the little palace in os alta ( ravka ) if she's not traveling, or somewhere along the coastline of novyi zem. spoken languages: ravkan, and later she becomes fluent in shu. education: taught to read and write by ana kuya at the orphanage, then trained as a mapmaker with the first army at 16. hair colour: natural hair colour is dark brown bordering on black. after using merzost against the darkling her hair turns completely white. eye colour: dark brown, though during and after more intense summoning they glow with a slight golden haze. height: roughly 1.66m. originally she was much shorter, but after recovering from the wasting sickness she had a late growth spurt.

family information.

siblings: none. parents: both her parents were assumed to be murdered in the border wars when she was a child. she barely has memories of them. children: none. pets: a tabby cat named oncat.

relationship information.

sexual orientation: bisexual for clarity's sake, though she doesn't actively use any label herself. relationship status: single. since when: since she killed both her situationships during the war :/

tagged by: @sheikage ✨ tagging: everyone who hasn't already done it but wants to!

what symphony are you?

PARTITA IN E MAJOR BY BACH. you are the silence in the theatre as the soloist readies his bow, and the chill one feels at the strike of the first note. you are the undeniable gravity that brings everything together, and you hold captive the fool and the genius alike. you make no promises with life for which path you are to take, and that is why your life can be nothing but extraordinary - you know no other way. though the mirror may be your greatest enemy, you know there is no absolution but that in the reflection. through light and dark, you feel no discomfort in being alone though, at times, you crave affection. no matter. you persist. and that is your greatest strength.

tagged by: @gunbash thank you !! tagging: @hav01c , @sheikage , @wornkindness , @jeditrash , @kraaiking , @hollowedchest ( dealer's choice ! ) , @loetise , and you !!

* & beatrice interaction call ( accepting ) — @sheikage

There's pages of scores, all pressed with tidy notes penciled in, that litter her lap and parts of a window ledge that she's perched upon. An old, forgotten song spill from her lips; sweet like an angel’s smile, heavy like their burning halos. It wasn’t the same solo that's printed on the sheet before her, though. More of an idling tune that she usually hums while figuring out what to do next.

The pencil tucked behind an ear's messed with; her hand not quite sure if it wants to ghost a new note or leave the measure alone. Bea changes the melody without pause. This time staying true to the work she’d done so far. Yet the last scribbled note's drawn out, lingering with all sorts of loose ends before she bellows a sigh.

She's stuck. Simple as that, but such is the woe of being musically inclined without any fresh inspiration. Bea pats blindly for the drink to her side, nearly knocking the bottle over with how precariously it's situated on the sill. The bar just opened, but it's still fairly early for the normal crowd to filter in. Dhrish'd been the only other soul around until he noticed otherwise.  

“Been listenin’ long?” She asks, light eyes still glued to the pages instead of the person addressed. “Any thoughts or opinions?”

⊹ archetypes quiz.

⁺ 50% royal: when the royal walks into a room, they command attention. they are the one in charge, and they enjoy reaping the rewards of their hard work.

⁺ 25% althete: the athlete's focus and drive are unparalleled. staying healthy and being fit are paramount to them (as for winning, that doesn't hurt, either).

⁺ 25% visionary: leave it to others to live by the status quo. the visionary is interested in new ways of seeing, solutions not yet imagined, products not yet built.

tagged by: @sheikage & @daylighter basically the polycule is all here tagging: i think everyone i would normally tag has already so feel free to steal this if you see it 💗

❊ archetypes quiz. tagged by, @daylighter & @sheikage ✨

CAREGIVER, 63%. friendly, sincere, and compassionate, the caregiver finds their reward in helping others. no one could ask for a better best friend. CREATIVE, 26%. the creative appreciates all beautiful things, in art and daily life. the creative act is essential to who they are. INTELLECTUAL, 11%. the intellectual is the ultimate dinner-party guest. engaging questions and thoughtful debates are their trademarks.

tagging: @notodin @listmny @oddyseas ( any muse of your choice! ) as well as anyone who'd like!

UNUSUAL MUSE ASSOCIATIONS

SPICE. pepper. WEATHER. thunderstorms. PRIMARY COLOR. green. COLOR OF THE SKY. dark storm clouds. MAGICAL POWER. SHOE. steel-toed boots. HOUSEPLANT. cactus. WEAPON. truncheons. SCHOOL SUBJECT. computer science. SOCIAL MEDIA. none. CANDY. anything spicy. ICE CUBE SHAPE. sharp icicles. ART STYLE. dadaism. MYTHOLOGICAL CREATURE. harpy. PIECE OF STATIONERY. shredder. THREE EMOJIS. 💣🤺💢🌟 🔪 CELESTIAL BODY. exploding star.

tagged by: @gunbash thank you ily!! tagging: @strnza , @wtrss , @vipier , @w4ntd , @tsareviich , @exhunter , @proditeur , @hollowedchest (cassian!), @sheikage , @daylighter , @guttersniper , @tectress (howl!), and you !!