initial palworld first impressions: - unreal logo at startup is not helping the unreal asset flip vibe lol - I was playing on controller and idk if this was a bug or just unfinished but they hadn't mapped the controller icons to the UI so I just had to trial and error every control which felt really bad - the audio design is like really bad. however my cat really responded positively to the noises of the cat pal - I know its so you can automate crafting but I keep forgetting to Acquire things I crafted and then suddenly have no pal orbs and have to run far as fuck back to my base where all my shit is - the fact that you can't pause is annoying as fuck. again, I get that this is for multiplayer but it drives me nuts because your hunger and stuff continues to tick down as youre afk. this didnt even bother me in elden ring which got shit for it but here it drives me up the wall - not really specific to the game but because you cant save I handed the controller to my gf so I could get a snack and she managed to fall down a big as fuck hole where drowning was the only escape option. so that was funny idk if that hole was supposed to be there or what - I dont like having to whallop the cute lil guys to acquire them. I feel mean. that being said having them run around your base carrying stuff and helping out is incredibly cute - visual bugs galore but honestly the jank levels are on par with scarlet/violet lmao - while its similarly as barren as scarlet/violet, in real pokemon this was offset for me by the joy of encountering new guys. none of the guys in this fill me with joy, the monster design feels incredibly bootleg. that just personal taste

all in all it FEELS like an early access survival base building game. I don't really get why people are being like "this is the pokemon ive always wanted!" because it isn't the gameplay loop of pokemon?? for the record, my recommendation for Pokemon But Better is Cassette Beasts so thats the context of my own taste. but adding monster collection to the whole survival crafting thing seems novel I dont think anyones ever done that before

maybe I'll return to this on mouse+keyboard (and not super high lol) and see if I have more fun. it just seems kind of derivative and tacky to me. but if this legitimately lights a fire under the pokemon company's ass to make a competently assembled game then by all means, godspeed

15 childhood crushes that embarrassingly ushered me into puberty EXPLAINED! (Pt. 2)

(Click here for Pt. 1)

10) Jenny Blake from The Rocketeer (1991)

I have weird memories of The Rocketeer in that my family owned it on VHS and I watched it several times as a kid, but for the life of me I can barely remember the plot of the film (something about Nazis, the mafia, and Howard Hughes?) But damn do I remember Jennifer Connelly, going from playing the bratty teen heroine in The Labyrinth to playing this role, which she is so unfathomably stunning to the point where she looks like a painting of a pin-up girl on a B-52 bomber come to life. Connelly as most of us know would go on to have a successful Oscar-winning Hollywood career, which she undoubtedly deserves for being a fantastic actor...but she’s also adopted the Hollywood waifishly thin lifestyle. I’m probably not alone in preferring a full-figured Jennifer over the 0% body fat A-Lister she’s become. I’m not shallow, I just grew up with hearts in my eyes for a sexy full-figured woman with more curves than Mulholland Drive. Va-va-va-vroom!

9) Lola Bunny from Space Jam (1996)

Ooooooook. Oh boy--where do we begin on this one?

It’s one thing to crush on the fictional cartoon characters I’ve previously mentioned. Sure, Jessica Rabbit and Jasmine aren’t real but they’re animated representations of female human beings, with Jessica being created specifically as a caricature which you’re supposed to be sexually aroused by. There are other animated ladies on this list I’ll get to, but none is more confusing and rather inexplicable as Lola Bunny from Space Jam. And when I say “inexplicable,” I mean it -- I don’t know WHY I was attracted to this non-humanoid anthropomorphic rabbit who most of us recall was created as a love interest for Bugs Bunny despite having never appeared in any Looney Tunes related content prior to the movie and, as far as I know, hasn’t become a mainstay since then. She’s also good at basketball...and apparently has been adopted as feminist icon for her “don’t ever call me doll” persona and athletic ability. I supposed that explains the attraction I had to her, along with her breathy baby voice and her Toon Squad jersey that was pretty much a sports bra and athletic boy shorts that accentuated her rather voluptuous curves--UM, WOW, let’s just move on?!

(it also doesn’t help that cosplayers are now “humanizing” her at comic conventions...)

8) Belle from Beauty and the Beast (1991)

Heeey, speaking of implied beastiality...

(shut up, I know)

While Ariel was the first Disney princess I became fond out in my early childhood, Belle was definitely my first crush. If you were to take all the character traits I talked about Ariel and Jasmine having that made them such endearing characters and combine them into one character, you would get Belle. She’s intelligent, independent, inquisitive, and rejects societal expectations in lieu of wanting more than some provincial life. More importantly, she’s selfless, empathetic, and lacks shallowness, all which plays in her favor when the film’s title finally pays off. There is, of course, her other attributes which help her live up to the film’s eponymous title: Belle’s unique look makes her not only one of the most beautiful Disney princesses, but also one of the hottest. If you’re puzzled about what’s so “unique” about her look, Belle was the first DP to have brunette hair and brown/hazel eyes. That’s right, after fifty-four goddamn years of showing blue-eyed/blonde-hair Aryan damsels in constant distress, Disney added some color to their characters--er, WELL, um, at least Belle was not a passive victim like her predecessors who just waited for Prince Charming to show up. 

Also, seriously, just scroll back up and watch that GIF a couple times. HOW COULD YOU NOT LOVE BELLE??

7) Dr. Chase Meridian from Batman Forever (1995)

So does anybody even remember Batman Forever? It seems to be the one Batman movie nobody seems to have a definitive opinion regarding. Then again, Batman movies seem to be judged on a binary system; they’re either the brilliant, near flawless The Dark Knight -- or the total nuclear meltdown shitshow of Batman & Robin. And right smack dab in the middle of this scale is Batman Forever, a movie that is awful in every sense of the word but is vastly more competent and enjoyable that its successor. One of the subplots deals with Bruce Wayne finally acting like a responsible human being and not the raging billionaire psychopath who beats up criminals from Gotham’s lower-socioeconomic class which he thinks makes him better than the villains and visits psychologist Dr. Chase Meridian. 

Like Lola Bunny, Dr. Meridian is a character who has never existed in any Batman/DC Comics medium, with her sole purpose being love interest to both Bruce Wayne *AND* Batman because tension(?) Then the movie ends and Chase is never seen, heard, or spoken of ever again in anything Batman related. Nevertheless, this was my first exposure to Nicole Kidman and I was quickly enamored by her beauty and seductive charm, which while was undeniably sexy coming from her breathy voice and Veronica Lake hair, it also makes for a confusing narrative. See, Chase isn’t a villain, but acts like a femme fatale looking to ruin Wayne with lust and psychology.    

6) Janet...Miss Jackson, If Ya Nasty*

*yeah, I went there

Being born in the mid-80’s and growing up during the 90’s — where before the term “Millennial” was uttered, my generation was referred to as “Reagan Babies” — you bet your ass I was raised on a steady pop culture diet of Michael Jackson. By the time I was old enough to start listening to music that wasn’t Raffi or Disney sing-alongs on cassette tapes (jfgi, kids), MJ had already reigned as the King of Pop for over a decade with the albums Thriller and Bad. Sure, I was aware of the Jackson Family, but if you rattled off the names Jermaine, Randy, Jackie, Marlon, La Toya, and Tito to me, I’d give you a deer-staring-at-another-deer-staring-in-headlights look. Far as I know, there were only two Jacksons: Michael, and his little sister Janet...Miss Jackso--NOPE, not gonna milk it.

Contrary to my lame-ass dated reference, I got into Janet much later than the Control / Rhythm Nation era. Oh I knew her music fairly well, from her duet with brother Michael on the song “Scream”, to the mid-90′s pop/House/dance track “Together Again”, but it wasn’t until her 2001 comeback as a pop superstar with the album All For You did I go from viewing Janet as the “cool and badass sister of MJ” to “daaaaaaaamn, girl!” She could dance like no other, sing infectiously catchy tunes, and showed off a bubbly, fun personality. Oh yeah, she also had an impossibly perfect body, managing to be in better shape than most (if not all) of the teenybopper pop stars of the time nearly half her age. And that was all before I listened to her song “Would You Mind” off the album...wooooo [*wipes sweat off forehead*]       

(Cont’d)