#serafina lom
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Jeans
Modern AU. Agi has a wardrobe malfunction, and Estinien gets turned on. Borderline NSFW.
Rrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiippppppppppppp.
“Oh dear!” Agnes squealed in her and Estinien’s bedroom at the loft. “Oh fuck! My jeans just ripped!”
Estinien rushed from the bathroom, in the middle of shaving, when he saw his red as a tomato wife quite literally trying to cover her ass. Don’t cover it! “Agi, what’s the matter?!”
Grinning sheepishly, she turned and removed her hands.
His pale blue eyes widened. Agi’s ass is simply too much for those jeans. ASSES OUT FOR HALONE!!!! “I, erm, you’re okay though?” OF COURSE SHE’S OKAY!!! HER ASS IS OUT!!!
Agnes scrunched her nose and giggled. “Yes, love. It was just a shock! I was rummaging through some clothes and remembered I have…had…these cute jeans. Went to try them on and goodbye jeans!” As she undid the button and zipper, she sighed. “I don’t think I’ve ever had a pair rip like that before. Love? Loooooooooooove?” She giggled again, waving her hand in front of his face. “Are you still with us?”
Shit. Fuck. Balls. Fucking hells. Focus, man! He nodded as nonchalantly as possible. “Aye. Need to finish shaving then breakfast?”
She smiled and then turned to find another pair of pants.
As soon as Estinien closed the bathroom door, he picked up his phone from the top of the hamper.
@EstinienTheTrainer my sexy wife’s ass ripped a pair of jeans. best day of my life. love my #softnhot wife <3
Within moments, Estinien received responses.
@bigmaninsharlayan @EstinienTheTrainer you’ve got to be the most blessed man in eorzea #softnhot
@spicypickles @EstinienTheTrainer goddamn ser you are a lucky man!!!! #softnhot
@boobooboo @EstinienTheTrainer her ass is too powerful for mere mortal pants #softnhot
A smug grin appeared on his face as he put his phone down to finish shaving. Got to look my best for MY WIFE!!!! When he was finished, he picked up his phone to see more replies.
@Model_RenaCalab @EstinienTheTrainer WHY DID YOU BLATHER THIS DICKHEAD?!?!!? AGI IS GOING TO BE SO EMBARASSED #EstinienTheIdiotTbh
@EstinienTheTrainer @Model_RenaCalab oh fuck right off lol she was laughing about it when it happened #softnhot
@SerafinaLomm @EstinienTheTrainer Agi’s got quite the ass lol #softnhot
@EstinienTheTrainer @SerafinaLomm THANK YOU SERAFINA :D #softnhot
@AgiTheTallLady @EstinienTheTrainer why am i not surprised you blabbed about this lmao
“I DID BECAUSE YOUR ASS IS PERFECT AND YOU’RE PERFECT AND EVERYONE DESERVES TO KNOW YOUR ASS IS SO BIG AND JUICY THAT IT RIPS FABRIC!” Estinien hollered as he left the bathroom. Big juicy ass. My wife’s big juicy ass. Needs to be—
Estinien stopped in his tracks, his mouth hanging open.
His wife, instead of finding another pair of pants, was still in her very booby top and her smalls and standing seductively by their bed. “You want this big juicy bum, love?” Her chocolate brown eyes twinkled and turned to shake her ass at him. “Well, come and get it.”
And I did get it. I got it several times. I’m such a lucky bastard.
#agnes currai#estinien varlineau#wolstinien#estinien x wol#agnes varlineau#these two dorks#modern au#serafina lom#rena calab#estinien wyrmblood#it is confirmed that agi's ass is simply too much
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Asdfghjklasdfghjllajdbka!!
The official LoM anime team just announced Heroine/Serafina is going to be in the anime too!!!!
They even updated the key visual oh my gosh, she looks beautiful.
I'm so stoked to know this, I never hoped she'd be in the anime too, I was expecting they would only use Hero/Shilo but I'm happy to be proved wrong.
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Texting
Modern AU. Agi starts her new job in Ishgard and immediately hates it.
Estinien: good morning my sexy wife have a great first day at school <3
Agnes: just leaving now thanks love you are the best <3
Estinien: NO U :D
Agnes: i’ll text you on my break love it’s pretty much the same time as last year so we’ll be good ttyl SMOOCH
Estinien: ooooooh i love smooches SMOOCH MY WIFE :D
***
Estinien: how’s it going my sweet
Agnes: um well could be better actually---kids are great but…
Estinien: what’s wrong ☹
Agnes: just getting a lot of nasty looks from some of the…more “senior” teachers and got a talk from assistant schoolmistress about my outfit
Estinien: so some old hags are giving you trouble LET ME AT THEM
Agnes: NO lol
Estinien: k :P but why are they staring? is it because you’re hot :D
Agnes: no love i think it’s because i’m fat and a hyur married to an elezen. i showed off some of our wedding pics and they got very…quiet and started giving me dirty looks (the “mean” ones are all elezen)
Estinien: fml ishgard’s come a long way but clearly people are still shitheads
Agnes: that’s one way of putting it :P
Estinien: sooo i also saw you choose your outfit last night it’s fine
Agnes: not according to the assistant schoolmistress. she thinks i need “looser” tops because my chest can be “distracting” i don’t understand…i wore this same outfit at summerford and it was never a problem
Estinien: oh agi it’s a halonic school so they’re fucking weird about stupid shit. if you need other tops we can get those no problem
Agnes: i just…i don’t understand. it’s a bloody school. i’m wearing what’s appropriate. i’m trying really hard to be nice to everyone and even brought it in baked goods! EVERYONE LOVES BAKED GOODS!
Estinien: maybe ask hami if he can talk to them? idk he’s a priest they’ll listen to him maybe? idk i’m sorry
Agnes: no it’s okay maybe tomorrow will be better! 😊
Estinien: oh agi i’m going to get you some flowers on my way home okay you deserve a pretty bouquet and some chocolates
Agnes: you don’t have to!!! oh love really it’s fine
Estinien: but i want to you’re my wife <3
Agnes: ;_; i love you so much
Estinien: i love you too my sweet girl <3 <3 <3 flowers, chocolates, and whatever shit you want to watch on telly tonight <3
Agnes: SMOOCH i love you got to head back in <3
Estinien: I’M GONNA SMOOCH THAT BIG ASS
***
Agnes: so you know how last week was…not the best
Estinien: oh no D:
Agnes: i’ve had a few parents come in and ask about a book i read to my class
Estinien: what book
Agnes: The Moogle and The Dragon. it’s about a moogle and a dragon who fall in love, get married, and help make the town square lovely with flowers.
Estinien: sounds cute
Agnes: IT IS!!!!! but some parents complained because it prompts heresy or dragonfucking or some shit
Estinien: o_O
Agnes: I HAVE READ THIS BOOK TO CHILDREN FOR YEARS
Estinien: people are so weird
Agnes: but now that they’ve complained the assistant schoolmistress (sister what the fuck) wants to go over all the books in my room and my lesson plans and still wants to talk about appropriate attire
Estinien: wtf do i need to cut some nuns because i will. i will punch them in their nun faces.
Agnes: oh goodness please don’t. i’m in enough trouble as it is…and i never had these issues in summerford.
Estinien: SMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCH well maybe you can see if there are jobs with the city schools…
Agnes: sorry got to go love you
Estinien: hey i love you more than anything and i will punch nun titties for you
***
Agnes: fml
Estinien: ???
Agnes: i need to go shopping this weekend. i also have to have everything i do in classes approved by sister twat.
Estinien: i’m so sorry sweetheart ☹
Agnes: do you know where i can get some plus size clothes in the city?
Estinien: ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm no?
Agnes: -_- okay
Estinien: listen, once i’m done with clients each day over the weekend i’ll go with you. maybe we can go into limsa or something and make it a little trip! 😊
Agnes: maybe
Estinien: agi?
Agnes: i should make some dinner or…nap idk
Estinien: agi, my love i’ll bring you flowers again and lots of cuddles
Agnes: no it’s okay. don’t bother with flowers. i’ll just…manage.
Estinien: is anyone at that school defending you?!
Agnes: the headmaster (father johannes) is nice but he seems to be rather hands off and let’s sister twat run things
Estinien: fucking hells
Agnes: anyways you have a client in a bit and i should eat or just cry on the couch it’s fine
Estinien: agi please don’t cry everything will be okay i promise
Agnes: you can’t make this better love you <3
Estinien: agi
Estinien: AGI
Estinien: AGIIIIIIIIIIIII
***
Estinien: YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY WIFE INTO YOU FUCKING TWAT ASS FUCKER
Hami: hello to you too big brother :P
Estinien: IT’S BEEN BARELY TWO WEEKS AND AGI IS ALREADY DEPRESSED AND DEFEATED WHAT THE FUCK HAMI
Hami: wait what?!
Estinien: the assistant schoolmistress is making her life a living hell as are some of the teachers and MY WIFE IS SAD HAMI MAKE IT BETTER FOR HER OR I SWEAR TO FUCKING HALONE I WILL GO INTO THAT SCHOOL AND PUNCH THEM ALL IN THE DICKS AND TITS
Hami: O_O
Estinien: MAKE IT BETTER HAMI OR I WILL
Hami: please please please do not just barge in there like you always do. i wrote her a recommendation letter--- more like a character letter. i don’t know anything about that school. i’m a priest in the city, but i have nothing to do with the schools. i can ask around though. i promise. and please, for the love of the fury, do not go in there screaming and threatening to punch people.
Estinien: okay hami i promise but seriously agi is so sad and i hate that she’s sad ;_;
Hami: I’ll look into it because I don’t want her sad either
Estinien: ttyl
Hami: DO NOT PUNCH PRIESTS AND NUNS
***
Agnes: today is a piece of shit
Estinien: more sister twat problems?
Agnes: you know it and i don’t feel well on top of it ☹
Estinien: what’s wrong?
Agnes: just feeling so blah and i kinda puked a few times…
Estinien: AGI FOR THE LOVE OF…JUST GO HOME
Agnes: i think I’ll be okay…please don’t worry love <3
Estinien: you can’t just tell me you’ve puked and you’ll be okay. please go home and rest. Please.
Agnes: home to our renovation :P
Estinien: agi please you can crash at aymeric’s he won’t care or even my mum and dad’s but please go home and rest
Agnes: fuck sister twat is coming bye love you
Estinien: AGI GO HOME
***
Estinien: agi did you go home?
Estinien: agi?
Estinien: agi?
Estinien: MY WIFE
*Estinien Varlineau calling Agnes Varlineau*
Estinien: WHY AREN’T YOU ANSWERING? WHAT’S GOING ON? ARE YOU OKAY?
***
*Saint Reinette’s Primary School calling Estinien Varlineau*
Estinien: Hello?
Saint Reinette’s: Hello, Mr. Varlineau. This is Sister Henriette, Assistant Schoolmistress at Saint Reinette’s. I’m calling to let you know that your wife collapsed—
Estinien: Where is she?!
Sister Henriette: She was taken to Congregation Infirmary—
*Call ended*
***
Aymeric: you sent me 27 texts what’s up
Estinien: it’s agi. she’s in congregation infirmary.
Aymeric: WHAT?!
Estinien: i let her mum know and my parents and hami is here and don’t worry i texted rena and serafina too
Aymeric: what’s wrong? have they said anything?!
Estinien: still running tests and agi is asleep they said she needs rest ;_;
Aymeric: oh estinien, i’m cancelling the rest of my appointments and coming down there right now
Estinien: what if…what if something is really wrong and she’s going to die
Aymeric: o_O i don’t think so?
Estinien: i know it really hasn’t been that long but i can’t live without her. she’s everything to me.
Aymeric: you need to calm down. agi is going to need your support. you must calm down and hope everything will be okay.
Estinien: okay but her doctor is literally 16
Aymeric: WHAT
Estinien: Alphinaud Levelivur or some shit from Sharlayan who’s a visiting doctor. HE IS 16.
Aymeric: well…that’s…something
Estinien: i am freaking out…like on the inside
Aymeric: remain calm. deep breaths. i’ll be there soon.
Estinien: aymeric she can’t die ;_;
Aymeric: i’ll be there soon
***
Agnes: hey ladies just letting you know that i’m in congregation infirmary but i should be going home tomorrow <3
Rena: AGI I AM COMING BACK TO ISHGARD OMG
Serafina: estinien texted us. how are you feeling?
Agnes: better 😊 but i do have some news
Serafina: oh?
Rena: TELL ME FOR FUCK’S SAKE I AM LITERALLY DYING
Agnes: i’m pregnant…with quintuplets
Rena: O_O
Serafina: O_O
Agnes: yeah i had that expression too tbh lol
Rena: quintuplets is…how many
Serafina: five…FIVE O_O
Agnes: you know it’s funny during the house hunt we had joked about five babies at once and omg it’s happening
Serafina: how’s estinien taking it?
Agnes: he’s feeling all the feelings. he’s happy that i’m okay but worried and also very smug that “i made five fucking babies” lol
Rena: he’s such an idiot
Agnes: he’s not!
Rena: …agi he is but as long as you’re okay that’s what matters
Serafina: this is a lot lol
Agnes: no shit lol oh and btw i quit my job just as i passed out lol
Serafina: LOLWUT
Rena: AGI THAT IS SO EPIC
Agnes: i told sister twat that i couldn’t take it anymore and i didn’t think i was a good fit and then i passed out lol
Rena: holy shit
Serafina: seriously lol
Agnes: yeah lol nurse is back to take vitals i’ll text you two later okay love you <3
Serafina: love you and congrats <3
Rena: love you and REST OKAY <3
***
Luci: Five babies. Fucking hells lol
Esme: Haha yes it’s quite the surprise! 😊
Luci: I hope Agi is going to be okay. I mean, I know she is. I know. I just worry.
Esme: You’re her mother of course you’d worry. I am too. And so is Stini.
Luci: He looked like he was going to shit himself when they said five babies lol
Esme: Oh Stini, I wouldn’t have been surprised if he did.
Luci: …do you want to share with the rest of the class, Esme? 😉
Esme: In person. 😉 We’re going to be grannies! 😊
Luci: If only Corrai were still here. He’d be so happy to be a grandfather. ☹
Esme: He’s with us, Luci. He’ll be with Agi, Stini, and the babies. <3
Luci: <3 You are such a love, Esme. I’m so glad our children are married and we get to be grannies together!
Esme: Best Grannies Ever! I can have shirts made or mugs!
Luci: Ooooooh yes! Lol I just imagined your son with five daughters
Esme: Oh dear, Stini would have his hands full!
Luci: He would die lol
Esme: Hahaha I can just imagine five granddaughters driving him insane, and it’s just too funny! 😊
Luci: Agi is calling ttyl GRANNY <3
Esme: Tell her I say hi <3
***
Estinien: ARE YOU RESTING?!!?!?
Agnes: yes love I’m resting :P
Estinien: do you have water? food? soft pillows? a blanket?
Agnes: omg yes i’m fine i’m lounging in bed. got water and gonna watch some telly. i’m fine please don’t worry <3
Estinien: you are pregnant with our FIVE babies and you quit your shit job and I WORRY. YOU ARE MY WIFE AND I WORRY.
Agnes: all this stress isn’t good for you either though. besides, my mum is coming up so that’ll be fun! 😊
Estinien: …oh? she’s going to be in our reno mess?
Agnes: lol she isn’t staying overnight. she’s going to hang with me in our room.
Estinien: i need to look over the backsplash for the kitchen again…
Agnes: OMG NO
Estinien: why?!
Agnes: because you’ve changed your mind three times already!!!! just let it go! we need to make decisions and stick to them or else this renovation is NEVER GOING TO BE FINISHED, ESTINIEN!
Estinien: …but it’s our perfect home i want it perfect for you and our babies
Agnes: omfg it is already perfect everything is great PLEASE STOP
Estinien: …i’ll stop on the backsplash
Agnes: for fuck’s sake i love you so much but holy shit
Estinien: i love you too SMOOCH now about the flooring in the third bedroom…
Agnes: o_O
Estinien: jk lol we can talk about that later :D i love you so much you’re already the best mum ever <3
Agnes: you are far too kind and i love you so much too sexy <3
Estinien: i made five babies lol
Agnes: WE made five babies :P
Estinien: okay but my super sperm made five babies :D
Agnes: you are too much lmao
Estinien: estinien the trainer more like estinien the jacked super strong dad of five babies with a SEXY WIFE :D
Agnes: lmaoooooooooooooooo omg you need to stopppppppppppppppppppppppppp
Estinien: can’t stop won’t stop SMOOCH love you ttyl <3
Agnes: love you too sexy SMOOOOOOOOOOCH
#agnes currai#agnes varlineau#estinien varlineau#estinien wyrmblood#estinien x wol#wolstinien#aymeric de borel#hamignant varlineau#esme varlineau#rena calab#serafina lom#modern au#pregnancy#congrats on having tons of sex
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Santa Serafina is Comin’
One of the things about Serafina that people don’t know is that she is very silly and will dress up to make someone who’s feeling down laugh.
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Happy Starlight
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Some Shots from This Weekend So Far
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Adventure
Day 25 of Fluffvember: Adventure featuring Serafina, Thancred, Mortimer, and the koala joey
#serafina lom#thancred waters#sercred#mortimer the chocobo#koala joey#fluffvember#and one day ryne will hopefully be able to join us#tol queen smol king
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In Another Life...
Serafina would have told Haurchefant how she felt.
#serafina lom#haurchefant greystone#another life#haurchefant day#canon is that they loved each other but never got to confess their feelings#but in another life...that would have changed#gpose#gshade
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She’s Baaaaaaaaaaack
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A Wild Lala!Serafina Appears
#serafina lom#she's got a fanta addiction#she just goes and does whatever#thancred's like my lady does her own thing#gpose#gshade
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Really dumbass idea sorry not sorry. Modern au Estinien losing Esme in the ball pit then he practically dives inside the pit gets embarrassed seeing Aymeric holding Esme because he went in for nothing
(It's funny you say this because in the Modern AU Agi's going to have quintuplets and Esme is one of the quints lol)
Estinien watched as his four three-year-old sons ran around the indoor play park with a smile on his face. Any day I spend with my children is good, however...even better is that they run around and then easily nap when we get home! He and Aymeric (Thancred's away on "business" whatever that means) took the toddlers so Rena and Serafina could treat Agi, now pregnant with their sixth child, to a spa day. She deserves everything. My wife. My pretty wife... "Hey Hami, careful! Don't push Laure down the slide okay?"
Hami, the eldest of the boys by several minutes, laughed and let his brother slide first and then he squealed happily as he took his turn. Pip and Marcelin were chasing each other in a circle for some fucking reason. I don't get it, but you do you, sons.
All was well, except...
Where's Esme?
The eldest of the Varlineau quints and the only girl was nowhere to be seen. Estinien's heart rate began to climb. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. She couldn't have gone far. "Esme? Es?" He called out to no response.
"Bapa, ball!" Pip said, pointing to the ball pit.
What if she's hurt? What she's unconscious and can't breathe in the ball pit?! ESME!!!!
Being an experienced and educated personal trainer, Estinien ran and then leapt into the ball pit, alarming several of the children in it. "ESME! ESME! WHERE ARE YOU?" He dug through seemingly hundreds of balls and cried out her name several times. "ESME!"
"Estinien, for Fury's sake, she's right here." A smooth voice shouted from outside the pit. There was Aymeric holding Esme, who was drinking from her sippy cup. "Esme, tell your father you're safe and sound with Uncle Aymeric."
With a big smile (Agi's smile...she's so much like Agi), Esme stopped drinking and burped. "Bapa! I'm wit Uncle Am'ric!"
Oh. Oh okay. Red-faced, Estinien exited the ball pit with other parents giving him dirty looks. Fuck off, assholes. "You wanted a drink, Es?"
She nodded. "Yup! Sippy time."
Estinien took Esme from Aymeric and held her close. "Just tell Bapa next time, okay? Promise?" His pale blue eyes met her brown ones (they all have Agi's chocolate brown eyes), and the look she gave him melted his heart. She smiled, giggled, and patted his cheek with her little sticky hand.
"'kay Bapa. Love you!"
I love you too. I love you and your brothers so fucking much. Thank fuck this pregnancy is going a lot better and is easier for Mummy. You're all miracles, each of you. And now you get to be a big sister again, my little one.
#asker i wuv u#ask and you shall receive#agnes currai#agnes varlineau#wolstinien#estinien x wol#estinien varlineau#aymeric de borel#modern au#rena calab#serafina lom#these two dorks#the varlineau kids
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Short King and his Tall Queen at the Moonfire Faire
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All Saints’ Wake
Modern AU. It’s Agi’s second favorite time of the year. Estinien tries to make his girlfriend happy. Serafina has a party. NSFW.
Estinien tapped his foot while riding the elevator up to Agnes’s apartment in the Lavender Beds Building. Season’s changing, which means only one thing---All Saints’ Wake and that bloody nonsense. It’s all for children who get scared easily and shit…or adults who want to dress in stupid costumes for stupid parties. He exited the elevator, carrying his overnight bag and a bouquet of flowers for Agnes. Estinien knocked on the door and heard the prettiest voice ever call from the other side.
“It’s unlocked, love!”
Estinien opened the door hoping to find his girlfriend putting about in the kitchen or running into his arms.
What he saw was Agnes decorating her apartment for All Saints’ Wake.
Oh.
Agnes dropped some orange and black lights in a box and walked briskly to him. “Hi! How are you, sexy?”
“Good, good. And you?” How does she have so many decorations?! Where does she keep them?! “I see you’ve been busy.”
Agnes’s eyes widened and then it hit her. “Oh, right! I love All Saints’. I fucking love it. I decorate my apartment and classroom. I always love dressing up! Plus, Sera has a party every year, which is amazing! And you know what the best part this year is, sexy?” As Agnes spoke, she got more excited and is fucking vibrating with excitement. She’s so cute…and so hot. Cute and hot. “We can do costumes together!” Once she was saw his face, hers fell. “Or not.”
Fuck fuck fuck you have GOT to save this. Swallow your damned pride and do this for her. You love her damnit! Make her happy! Estinien rubbed the back of his neck. “We can. I just…I don’t want it corny or anything.”
She bit her lip nervously. “I promise it won’t be. I was thinking,” Agnes went into her bedroom and pulled out a school uniform. “I was thinking either zombie or vampire schoolgirl!” She held up a sweater, white shirt, and black skirt. “What do you think? You could be like zombie or vampire jock who’s my boyfriend.”
At least it’s not like dressing up as a kitten and puppy or some shit. “Hmph, I’ve got those clothes at least. Won’t have to shop.”
“Nope!” She’s happy again. Good. “I’ll get us the vampire ‘fangs’…high quality ones…” She’s fucking giddy! “Ooooooooooh this’ll be so much fun!”
“Fun” is certainly a word. Estinien hugged her. “As long as you’re happy that’s all that matters to me.” He rubbed her back and prayed to himself. Please, let her be happy. Let me make her happy. Even if it means looking like a twat, I’ll do it to see her smile.
***
On the night of All Saints’ Wake, Estinien escorted Agnes to Serafina’s apartment in Mist for her annual All Saints’ Wake Super Spooky Party. I can’t believe that was actually on an invitation. Those words. All together. For Fury’s sake. At least I’m wearing “normal” clothes…minus these damned vampire fangs. Remember, this is all for Agi. All for her.
“Oooooh I’m so excited! Sera’s parties are always so much fun. You’ll see, love!” Agnes exclaimed, holding onto his bare arm tightly. While Agnes was wearing her old school uniform (not the “ugly shoes” she had to wear---she went with sneakers instead), Estinien put on a pair of shorts (extremely short shorts all for my special girl’s benefit), a t-shirt (very tight, once again for her benefit), and my best ratty old sneakers.
“I bet.” Estinien snorted. “Which apartment is hers?”
“Let me have her buzz us in.” Agnes stepped up to the buzzer and chose Apartment 67. Then a loud buzz unlocked the door in front of Estinien. “All set!”
Upon entering Serafina’s apartment, it took approximately no time for Rena to roll her eyes at Estinien. “Is that seriously your costume? You realize this is an All Saints’ Wake party right?”
Agnes giggled as she approached Rena for a hug. “Oh, hush you. He’s a jock vampire, and I’m his straight-A student vampire girlfriend.”
“And the seven hells are you supposed to be Rena?” Estinien asked, crossing his arms over his chest. “You look like a—”
“Slutty lawyer? Why yes! It’s a shame Aymeric didn’t want to match…” Rena sighed dramatically.
“Dearest,” Aymeric’s sonorous voice boomed as he and Serafina (the hostess is wearing a butler’s costume with a fake bloody hatchet on her back) came into the living room, each carrying a tray of snacks. “I’m so much better than your slutty lawyer!”
Estinien’s eyes bugged at the sight of his best friend. A fancy waistcoat, big fur jacket, and A BLOODY WALKING STICK?!?! “What the fuck are you supposed to be? A bloody pimp?” Or an asshole on one of Agi’s romance novels?!
Aymeric’s mouth dropped open as Serafina, Rena, and Agnes all laughed. “How dare you! I’m my ancestor and namesake the first Lord Speaker of Ishgard! And you look like you’re ready to do some training at the gym!”
Wrapping an arm around Agnes’s shoulders, Estinien smirked. “Jock vampire boyfriend to this lovely vampire girlfriend.” Agi is by far the best looking and best costumed person here! That’s my opinion, and I’m sticking to it!
Serafina laughed. “Get a room you two! I’m expecting a few more victims…erm, party guests. Thancred should be back any second. I can’t believe I forgot to get extra ice.”
“Your hero in shining tights has returned, princess!” Thancred announced, wearing a sexy maid costume and holding large bags of ice in each hand. “Hello everyone! Thank you for coming!”
“I must say Thancred you look smashing in your costume.” Agnes said happily. “Best maid ever!”
Flashing his usual charming grin, Thancred nodded and gave Agnes a hug. “Thank you, my dear. And you look positively splendid as a vampire schoolgirl.”
The guests chatted for a few moments before Serafina spoke. “My beloved victims, I mean friends, welcome! First, we’re going to do a little twist on Pin the Feather on the chocobo…” She held up a jack o’lantern smile. “Pin the Mouth on the Jack O’Lantern! Either do a shot or ten spins with your eyes closed for everyone’s turn. Whoever gets the mouth to where it’s supposed to be gets a prize!”
That’s not a bloody twist. It’s just stupid! Why can’t we just drink and gossip and then I take Agi home so we can fuck? Remember, you’re here for Agi. Have fun for Agi…and Serafina too because she’s got great booze.
Several shots and spins later, Rena won Pin the Mouth on the Jack O’Lantern with a perfect placement. She shrugged. “I have to do all sorts of shit for modeling and have to walk perfectly. This was nothing!” Her prize was a bottle of Wineport’s best champagne, which is fine I guess. Champagne’s not my favorite, but I wanted to win damnit! I was so bloody close! That bloody pixie woman…
More drinks and food were served.
Everyone ate.
Then Serafina grinned.
“Now that all of you, minus Agi of course, are suitably liquored up, I think it’s time for some Truth or Dare.” What the fuck evil ass grin is that?!?!?! She’s a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped into an allegedly fantasia-addicted woman. “In a circle everyone. I think that the most sober among us should go first.”
Agnes blushed. “I-I’m not really the best at this game, Sera…”
Serafina chuckled, sipping her wine. “You’ll be fine, Agi.”
Agi at the very least won’t make someone do something too humiliating. Just not her nature, my sweet girl.
“I, erm…okay…Rena, truth or dare?”
Rena, a little glassy eyed from wine and a homemade margarita from Thancred, smirked. “Truth.”
“Why do you tease Estinien so much?”
The room fell silent as all eyes went to Rena.
AGI, SERIOUSLY?!!? YOU GO IN FOR THE FUCKING KILL ON YOUR BEST FRIEND?!?! Estinien, a little tipsy himself, leaned into her ear. “Sweetheart, you didn’t—”
“Because,” Rena said loudly. “he’s a loveable dumbass. Emphasis on the dumb. Of course I know you’re a good guy, Estinien. Aymeric wouldn’t be friends with you otherwise. You’re just a dumbass. A loveable dumbass.” Her light purple eyes narrowed at him. “And you better not hurt my Agi, or else I’ll fucking kill you and no one will find your body.”
Aymeric’s eyes widened. “SHE DIDN’T MEAN THAT!”
Agnes, mouth hanging open, nodded. “Ohhhhhh yes she did.”
Thancred coughed discreetly. “Ahem, Rena you’re up next.”
“O-oh no, you don’t Waters. Rena, you fucking pixie woman, you’d kill me and make my body disappear?!?!?” Estinien’s voice steadily rose as he spoke. “How?!?!?”
Rena tutted him and sipped more of her margarita. “No, no, no. It’s not your turn, dumbass. I choose…Thancred. Truth or dare?”
SHE…SHE FUCKING…WHAT DOES AYMERIC SEE IN HER?!?!
Thancred thought for a second. “Hmmm, dare.”
“Do the Moogle Dance.” Rena looks positively evil here. Why though? It’s just a stupid dance.
Thancred blinked, and Estinien swore he saw a scowl. “Ah yes, my favorite dance in the world.”
Agnes touched Estinien’s hand and whispered, “Thancred fucking hates the Moogle Dance.”
I can tell. He’s shit at dancing this. Even I’m better! ME! And I’m a shit dancer! Not like Mr. I Know How to Waltz Like a Fucking Asshole…
Once Thancred was finished, he sat down next to Serafina and looked at targets. We’re all his targets. Shit. Waters is no fool. He’s smart. He’s charming. “Ah, Estinien…” FUCK. “Truth or dare, my good man?” He asked with his most charming grin.
Shit. Fuck. If I say “dare” maybe he’ll simply let do some pushups…or do something wild. Fucking hells. Think Varlineau. THINK! “Truth.” He blurted out before he could fucking think! SHIT!
Raising an eyebrow, Thancred nodded. “Alright then. Who has the bigger cock---you or Aymeric?”
“I DO, OF COURSE!” Estinien bellowed. “MY COCK IS THE BIGGEST COCK, AND AGI LOVES IT!” Oh…oops. Maybe should’ve thought that through first. NO MATTER! “Tell them, Agi.”
A sound resembling a tiny squeak escaped his red-faced girlfriend, while the Serafina and Thancred laughed. Rena narrowed her purple eyes at Estinien.
Aymeric drank the rest of the wine in his glass and practically slammed it on the carbuncle coffee table. “I’ll have you know, SER that my cock is the larger one! And RENA LOVES IT! Tell them, darling.”
Rena rolled her eyes. “There’s only one way to settle this---get them out. Serafina, find some measuring tape.”
Agnes’s face somehow became more red. “A-are you for real? You want our boyfriends to just whip out their cocks and have Serafina measure with tape?!?!?”
“Agi, it’s the only way we’ll know for certain.” Rena explained as if she were talking to a small child. “And besides, what’s an All Saints’ Wake party without some cocks?”
“WHO SAYS THAT?!?!?” Agnes yelled, knocking over her plate of cookies. “WHO?!?”
Rena shrugged nonchalantly. “People.”
Estinien rose, smirking, and began to undo the tie on his shorts. “You’ll see who’s bigger, Mr. Fancy Pants Lawyer.”
Standing, Aymeric also smirked and started to unbutton his trousers. “Ah, but your confidence is misplaced, Estinien, because I have something you don’t!”
“A law degree!” Rena squealed and clapped. “My darling is so smart!”
…no. I don’t have a law degree, but that’s not needed in this situation, you mad woman!
Slowly pulling down his trousers, Aymeric’s sapphire eyes glittered with excitement. “Nay, but thank you dearest. What I have is known in my family as the LCD…” When he revealed himself, Serafina, Thancred, and Agnes gasped. “The Lord Commander Dick---the finest and largest dick blessed by Halone herself. Named also for my famous ancestor the first Lord Speaker.”
Estinien rolled his eyes. “You think you’ve got a famous cock? Look at this Coerthan born and raised cock!” Estinien’s cock, adorned with white curls, stood at attention. Because I’m already thinking about not only beating Mr. Lord Commander Dick but also fucking my super sexy girlfriend after! “Are we stroking ourselves to hardness and then measuring, Serafina?”
While the spectacle around her continued, Agnes simply sat with her mouth agape and looking between Estinien and Aymeric. “Are we actually doing this? Is this happening? IS THIS REAL?!?!?”
Serafina, thankfully, took pity on her friend. “Alright, alright. Let’s stop this before Agi’s brain explodes.”
“FUCK THAT! Measure our cocks!” Estinien bellowed. “Get yourself fully hard, lawyer boy, and let’s see who’s bigger!”
***
Several hours later, Estinien lay in bed and stared at the ceiling. Equal. Fully hard we’re the exact fucking length. I thought for sure I was bigger…
“Sexy, for the love of…go the fuck to sleep.” Agnes muttered, curled against his side. Poor Agi nearly passed out when we did the measuring. She was pissed and kept calling us “stupid teenage boys” while rolling her eyes. I’ll make it up to her. I promise. I’ll do the most romantic shit ever next weekend when I go to Gridania.
And Aymeric can keep his not-nearly-as-impressive family heirloom to himself!
#rena calab#aymeric de borel#thancred waters#serafina lom#agnes currai#estinien wyrmblood#estinien x wol#estinien varlineau#wolstinien#wolcred#wolmeric#all saints wake#modern au#serafina is such a troll#so is rena#LCD
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March of the Tropes Day 2: Blind Date
College AU? COLLEGE AU!!!!
Serafina: AGIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
Agnes: SERA :DDDDD
Serafina: how have classes been so far?
Agnes: very good! 😊 yours?
Serafina: great!!! so my bf haurche has a friend named estinien and we told him about you and he wants to meet you!!!! 😊
Agnes: …oh?
Serafina: what better way to get back in the saddle than going on a blind date!!!!
Agnes: oh dear lol
Serafina: come onnnnnnnnnnnnnn agi live a little!
Agnes: excuse you i do live---i had a very spicy sushi roll for dinner tonight!
Serafina: uh huh lmao okay can i give estinien your number? i swear he’s not a creep, agi
Agnes: and what does rena think of him? that’s conspicuously absent lol
Serafina: shehateshim
Agnes: oh for fuck’s sake lmao
Serafina: she just thinks he’s stupid but she thinks that about most people
Agnes: very true! okay okay give him my number and i’ll give him a chance. no promises though!
Serafina: :D YOU ARE THE BEST AND DESERVE TO BE LOVED
Agnes: NO U <3
***
Estinien: hey it’s estinien, haurchefant’s mate
Agnes: oh hi hello! 😊 how are you?
Estinien: good just hanging in my room before class. how’s your day going?
Agnes: pretty good! got a package from my mum so excited :D
Estinien: oh yeah what’d she send?
Agnes: little treats and such from home (costa del sol) and a cute little card. ooooh she also sent some brownies :D
Estinien: fuck yeah love brownies :D
Agnes: my mum is such a good baker! and so am i! maybe i could bake you brownies some time? 😊
Estinien: i’d like that 😊 anyways was wondering if you wanted to meet up at the coffee shop inside louisoix hall later? or tomorrow? whatever works for you
Agnes: my last class gets out at 5:30 so i’m free after that 😊
Estinien: perfect my last class also ends at 5:30 so see you at 6:30?
Agnes: sounds good to me! 😊 i have a giant pink glittery backpack you can’t miss me
Estinien: see you then :D
***
Agnes waited at the coffee shop inside the main academic building of the University of Eorzea and watched for…
For…
WAIT IS THAT HIM?!?!
Serafina mentioned that Estinien Varlineau was an elezen with white hair.
The only elezen with white hair she saw was a guy leaning against a pillar.
Wearing the tightest jeans I’ve ever seen.
And the tightest black t-shirt I’ve ever seen.
And he’s got rings!!! And earrings!!!
Oh no.
OH NO HE’S HOT.
Slowly, Agnes approached the extremely hot guy and squeaked, “Hi? Are you Estinien?”
The elezen turned his head and looked at her. Oh no. He thinks I’m ugly or stupid or the worst already!!! To her relief, he smiled. “I am indeed. And you must be Agi. Nice to meet you.”
Estinien held out his hand.
Agnes gave him a hug.
OH NO HE FEELS GREAT!!! OH NO I HUGGED HIM! “Oh gods, I’m so sorry! I’m a big hugger!”
Estinien chuckled and hugged her back. “No worries. Sera told me.” Of course she did. “You wanna sit down, and I’ll get us some drinks and maybe a snack? My treat.”
Agnes, very reluctantly, released Estinien and nodded. “A light iced mocha and a cookie?”
“Aye, sounds good. Be right back!”
She found a table and sat down, watching Estinien as he went to the counter.
Please, please let be the start of something good. I have a good feeling. Please.
#agnes currai#serafina lom#estinien varlineau#estinien wyrmblood#estinien x wol#wolstinien#college au#oh no he's hot
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Fortunes
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Elezen!Serafina
Fantas are on sale, soooo here’s elezen!Serafina
#serafina lom#ffxiv gpose#koala joey#only race i haven't played as on her is female elezen so why not
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