𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙨𝙞𝙙𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙜𝙖𝙢𝙚 | 𝙚. 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡𝙞𝙖𝙢𝙨 𝙭 𝙖. 𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙤𝙣

pairing: ellie williams x abby anderson

w/c: 1.2k

tags: kinda angsty, takes place during santa barbara era, not proofread, some descriptions of violence and injuries, ellie and abby need therapy real bad, uh description of trauma (?), i probably missed smth, but we know that i suck at tagging, what’s new

Before you continue, please read this! - I absolutely do not condone the purchasing of any other the last of us games. The Last of Us is heavily influenced by Isreali politics. Also, here are some ways to inform yourself about Palestine. Link 1 | Link 2 | Link 3. You can even help simply by clicking here.

A/N: tried to be in my descriptive era!!! also ignore that my user isn’t the same thing that’s on the lil banner thing, this has been sitting in my drafts since 1948. 😭 anyway yall i hope i ate down. also also, song title from the other side of the game by erykah badu (w song btw u should listen to it ONG!!)

Blows were exchanged in both directions. Ellie brought a knife to a fist fight, but that meant practically nothing to Abby. Water sloshed underneath their feet, swirling with the crimson of their blood. Each punch, hit, and stab was given with emotion. They grunt with effort as they try to take eachother down, yet to no prevail. Just when Abby thought it was over, she’s overpowered by Ellie. The girl had somehow managed to hold her down in the water, drowning her. Abby clawed at Ellie’s arms, attempting to wiggle from underneath her.

A multitude of emotions wash over Ellie. Hatred, sadness and anger. But the one that was the largest in this moment was regret. Regretting not making amends with Joel. Leaving Dina alone with JJ. Everything. Her face twists and she cries as all the emotions she had bottled up finally came out. Her grip loosens on Abby and she lets her free. Abby sits up as she catches her breath, coughing a little between gasps of air. After catching her breath, Abby looks at Ellie with disbelief. She was certain that this would be her last day on earth, dying amidst an apocalypse by the hands of the girl she loathed. 

“Go.” Ellie murmurs through her tears. Her legs are crossed as she sits, the bottom half of her body completely submerged in the water. The stiletto switchblade was gripped tightly in one hand as the other dropped blood where two of her fingers had been missing. Ellie thought initially that killing Abby would’ve stopped all her pain. Relieved of that false sense of justice Tommy convinced her she would feel if she had just gone after her and finished her off. But it only made her wallow more in her own self hatred. She’d turn back time if she could.

She’d make things up with Joel, become on good terms with Dina, and kick Tommy out of their quaint farmhouse before she could even hear what he had to say. But she couldn’t. After seeing Abby for what she thought was the last time at the theater, her brain chemistry had altered. She was craving to kill her. She had wrote many entries in her worn journal about it. Her nimble fingers gripped her pen as she wrote. She wrote fast and feverishly, her handwriting becoming damn near illegible. She hid these things from Dina and tried to drown herself in the task of raising another human. But she couldn’t. It was on her mind like the plague. She hated it. It made her wanna smash her head against a wall one hundred times.

Of course she understood the consequences of killing Abby. She thought it would mean nothing. She was killing another person wouldn’t matter. But she knew that killing her specifically would matter. It cost her relationship with Dina. She knows she should’ve just stayed home but she couldn’t. She needed to be in control of her mind. She hated the self destructive thoughts and how her moods were so irrational. She wanted that burden to be lifted off her shoulders. 

There was a sting of silence after Ellie’s words. Abby didn’t say anything, the waves sloshed and Levs breathing could barely be heard. Ellie slouchs. She didn’t hear Abby moving. She was confused. She’s just slinky escaped death, why didn’t she leave? Why didn’t she just go take care of Lev? What the fuck was wrong with her? Ellie couldn’t understand and it made her mad. “Why won’t you leave?” Ellie doesn’t actually look at Abby. She never looks her in the eyes. She can’t. 

“I’m not going to leave you here with no way home.” Abby said as she looked down at her. “I’ll get home. Just take the boy and go.” Ellie instructed insistently, raising her voice slightly. Abby hated how stubborn she was being. Ellie had a hard time accepting help and accepting it from someone she’d just nearly killed seemed well, outlandish. Abby walks infront of Ellie, crouching down to her level. “Ellie. Look at me.” Abby starts gently. Ellie turns her head in the opposite direction. “Ellie. Please look at me.” Abby asks again. Ellie won’t turn. A gentle, calloused and large hand comes up to Ellie’s face. Naturally, Ellie flinches a little. She hadn’t let anyone do this since like, forever. She had forgotten what a gentle touch was. “Listen to me. I want you to come with me and Lev. I’ll pick you up and bring you over there if I have to. I’m not leaving you here by yourself.” Ellie doesn’t say anything. She looks into Abby’s green eyes.

Despite the fact that her eyes were full of pain, they were still pretty, Ellie thought. She didn’t know why she’d been thinking about something at a time like this. A hazy fog settled around the girls, making it seem like the rest of the world didn’t exist. Ellie keeps her eyes on Abby as if something would happen if she looked away. Ellie was horrible with eye contact but right now? She was a pro. It almost seemed like Ellie was searching for something in the girls eyes. “But why do you want me to come with you? I just tried to kill you.” Ellie asks with a slightly raised eyebrow. “I just tried to kill you too. If I wanted you dead, you’d already be dead. But you’re not, are you?” Abby asks, mimicking her raised eyebrow. 

“Huh. Well, I guess I’m not.” Ellie mumbles. Even though she was telling her that she wouldn’t kill her, she still wasn’t 100% sure. Ellie was already in enough pain as is. Abby had lost enough in life. They were two girls who were suffering in different ways. Abby seemed to also be searching for something in Ellie’s eyes. Solace. She would’ve been ridiculous to think the girl she’d just fought a handful of minutes ago would come with her. She didn’t even know why she proposed that. I mean, Ellie hated her, didn’t she? No way she’d— “Fine.” Ellie spoke again. Abby was a little shocked. “You’ll.. come with me?” “Yes. Now hurry before I change my mind.”

Neither of them smiled at their agreement. They moreover were relieved. This is what Abby was hoping for; a fresh start in their.. ‘relationship’ or whatever you’d call this. Abby goes to try and start up the boat, the sound of a sputtering engine could be heard. Ellie goes for her backpack. It drips with sea water as did her clothes. By now, it was almost entirely dark, a small lantern illuminated the boat. The fire inside flickered. The boat finally starts up. Wordlessly, Ellie treads across the water over to the boat. She sits next to Abby awkwardly because of the girls large frame. In one of her hands, she still held the switchblade as if her life had depended upon it. She hadn’t looked in Abby’s direction as the boat drove across the water, but Abby looked at her once and redirected her attention to what lay ahead. They were both painfully silent, not knowing what to say to eachother. The silence was awkward yet comfortable. Ellie wasn’t really ready to talk, nor was Abby. In their own way, they both understood that.