#rip Amy you would of loved vapes | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hookahmancer · 3 years

Text

Coldsteel: Hot and Cold Part 8

Eggman in his lab noticing strange wave patterns and calls some of his bots over.

"Look at the graviton expenditure out in far space! This is insane!!!"

"It sure is HP Lovecraft..."

"Why didn't I build you useless paper weights to be as smart as me?"

"Cause you're A narcissist and would feel threatened by..." Eggman shoves one of their faces into the monitor

"Just look at the dot! It's green!"

"It says not to strongly interpret the dot..."

"Have you been shitposting on /X/ again sir?"

"Nevermind that! We need too find out what is causing these disturbances!"

Coldsteel and Amy are on a nice picnic smoking hookah, and Coldsteel is tormenting an ant keeping a pie crumb just out of it's grasp. "Heh! Nothing person-el kid..."

"Coldsteel can you stop being evil for like two seconds?"

"Fine!!!"

"SIMP!" "What? Who said that?!" "I did soy boy..."

Standing by a tree is Scourge smoking a hookah too.

"Who the fuck is this guy?!"

Amy blushes "he looks like Sonic...but...not?"

"Cause I am Sonic tater thot." "Tater thot?"

"Cause you're young, retarded, mind of a potato...tater thot."

Coldsteel looks at Amy "oooh that's good"

Amy pulls out her hammer. "I don't know who you think you are but..."

Scourge zips right pass her and grabs her hammer and smashes the whole pie.

"My pumpkin pie!!!" "You need to cut back on the carbs anyway chubs"

Coldsteel is rolling around the ground laughing while Amy growls and Coldsteel gets up pretending to be offended. "Now listen here pip squeak, I..."

"You what? You're the big gay?" "What?"

"What ain't no countty I ever hesrd of! Say what again, I dare you! I double dare you!"

Amy says "ahhh, pulp fiction reference..." Scourge splats her sandwiches too.

"Now you're just being RUDE!"

Sonic runs toward the commotion and sees the three of them.

"Coldsteel, Amy! And..."

"Scourge. You know me idiot. I'm like...you from a parallel universe or something."

"Oh right right. Yeah...Scourge!!! Tails do we know this guy?"

Tails shrugs.

"What sorta Mandela Effect shit is this? We've fought like a bajillion times. I basically turned your super Sonic form into ultra instinct."

"Ohhhh I remember" "don't patronize me"

Coldsteel now actually gets offended

"Back off poser! Sonic is MY arch nemesis who've gone toe to toe!"

"Actually we never fought..." "What?! That's so weird..."

"I know right? There was that time you made Tails fall in love with you and I called you a groomer, that time you kidnapped Amy, that time you tried to nuke the planet... But nope. Never fought."

"Huh...so weird..."

Scourge gets in front of Coldsteel

"Well unlike this nerd I don't back down from a fight. Why don't we throw down right now?"

Amy is getting hyped "yeah! Do it! All these hyper masculine hedgehogs throwing down, getting all sweaty and vicious, testosterone protruding from their pores..."

Coldsteel says "Amy you coomer!" Scourge mutters

"She's a weird one..." And winks at her "I likem a little weird..."

She squeals a high pitch girly shrill and Coldsteel says "Sonic, let's double team this guy!"

Amy says "double team me!" They all get grossed out and Coldsteel yells "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" Eggman is zooming on his hovercraft "Stooooop!!!!"

Sonic looks up "oh great now Robuttnik is here..."

"And now I'm as dry as these crossaints Coldsteel made..."

"Hey I don't bake! I vape!" "Gay..." Mutters Scourge

"You vape too!" "Boys vape, men smoke."

Eggman gets off the hovercraft panting and flailing his arms

"None of you hedgehogs do anything!!!" Tails mutters "that's what they're best at..."

"I now see what the graviton leaks are about...Coldsteel, and umm..."

"Scourge. I'm not saying it again..."

"Yeah yeah sure. Scourge!!! You both are cold!"

"Heh...well I am cold hearted..." Says Coldsteel and Scourge says "I'm cool not cold"

"No no no! You're BOTH Coldsteel!"

Sonic crosses his arms... "Is this gonna turn into some sorta pseudo scientific babble?"

Eggman uses a remote to turn on a hologram billboard "oh God it is...later" Sonic dashes off and Tails runs after Sonic "Sonic don't leave me here to deal with this contrived plot point alone!!!"

Eggman explains

"Space and time are both neatly defined parameters... However, it is possible to distort space to go back in time, creating an alternate timeline. Scourge...have you ever gone back in time? To do so could have the you as in Coldsteel, turn into Coldsteel as we know him but you remember Scourge."

"Can't say that I have Eggman..." He blows hookah smoke in his face and Eggman smacks it away

"An alternative is that someone from a specific moment in time distorts space enough to basically leak variables through their synchronized flow into what we perceive to be the now. Coldsteel, have you attempted time travel or stolen one of my inventions to go at speeds bordering on Tau zero to rip space and have quantum likenesses emerge from..."

"That sounds way too much like work. I wouldn't even do that shit for Amy."

Scourge says "hell yeah, bros before hoes!" They high five and Amy grumbles "I need to keep an extra hammer with me..."

Eggman nods and fidgets his mustache "mmmhmm mmmhmm...well than it's worse than I thought. Coldsteel or...Scourge. One of you is what I like to call an ordained cannon. Or o.c. if you will."

Scourge says "which means?"

"Which means one of you is real...and the other is not. One of you is the byproduct of the distortion between both space AND time. Not from a parallel world, not from an alternate timeline, you are an anomaly that will eventually correct itself...hopefully."

Amy rants at Eggman "well than it has to be this green booger looking Sonic! I don't remember him, hell you don't Eggman!"

"Not necessarily Amy... Because we're messing with both space and time here, we might have no recollection of one or both of them. This whole thing will have never happened if the unrealing event transpires. We would be none the wiser to it. Imagine if you will we never had this conversation, and in no place or time did it ever take place...that is unrealing. It is the omni death. It's all really spooky and dates back to what Christian scholars believed the second death was."

Coldsteel walks up "heh...I'm down for some spooky villainy! I wanna unreal Sonic!"

"But than you would unreal ME dumb ass because I AM Sonic! I told you, I'm just evil Sonic!"

"Nothing person-el kid!" Scourge kicks Coldsteel in the nuts and he whimpers "my deviantarts!!!"

Amy is struggling to take off her boots jumping around and wiggling her skirt "don't go breaking the China just yet!"

Eggman has this disgusted expression on his face "Amy what are you doing?"

"You said eventually this'll correct itself. So I'm gonna take this opportunity to get gang banged by two countem TWO Sonics!"

"That is a terrible idea!"

"Oh look out guys, we've been given a citation by the fun police..." Sarcastically announces Scourge.

Amy pokes Eggman in the eye "Yeah Robutthead! Stop trying to be a discord mod!"

"Ow! It's not like that! I mean don't get me wrong I do not wanna start my day watching Animal Planet."

"Than leave" says Scourge but Amy shushes him putting her finger on his mouth.

"No...I WANT HIM TO WATCH" Coldsteel just mutters "ew..."

Eggman screams at Amy

"What part of o.c. don't you understand woman?! Have you even thought about the significant damages this could have on the space-time continuem?! No, you haven't. Cause you're a young, hormonal, stupid little hedgehog! You get pregnant, then we have another o.c. to deal with, which could further distort the canon...and..."

Amy blushes "kids?!" Scourge raises an eyebrow "do you want kids?"

"I don't know...do you?" Coldsteel gets between them

"UHHH NOTHING PESON-EL KIDS, BUT I'M NOT COMFORTABLE WITH THIS WHOLE SITUATION"

They suddenly turn into the embie, Chud, and bunkercuck meme "I consent", " I consent", "I don't..." and Eggman in a small corner "is there somebody you forgot to ask?"

Amy gently explains it to Coldsteel

"Coldsteeeel, it's literally just you. Like... This is literally monogamy as you're both the same person. How many times does a girl get a chance like this to buck break her own man? With himself?"

They then turn into the meme where Coldsteel has a gun to the back of Coldsteel's head (trust no-one...not even yourself)

Eggman looks around "the distortion is worsening..."

Coldsteel sighs "FINE!!! Eggman, just...go over there in the bushes or something."

Amy puts her finger on Coldsteel's lips shushing him and evily smirks "No...I WANT HIM TO WATCH!"

Everyone goes kind of quiet. Scourge breaks the tension

"You literally just said that..." "I did?"

Eggman is pulling at his mustache at this point.

"This can't go on! The disruption is too severe!!!! This is like Sega as a company shuts down levels of breaking canon here!"

"Heh, nothing person-el kid..." "Shut up!" Eggman blasts Coldsteel with a ray gun and Scourge says "wait did I say that, or...did I say that?"

Sonic and Tails come back.

"Ok, me and Tails talked it out and I think we have a way to settle this..."

Eggman sarcastically says "It better not be another movie reference. It's such low hanging fruit..."

All of a sudden Coldsteel and Scourge are on a stage with guitars like Marty from Back To The Future singing to Amy while they both look very ill and sweaty and become incorporal

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=k5VxvFOxB-U

Eggman just yells "God...DAMN IT!!!"

Sonic with his arms cross mutters to Tails "huh...doesn't look like it's working."

"I told you we should've watched all three again."

Coldsteel throws down his guitar and says "enough of this! Eggman... Can one of us choose to be unrealed?"

Eggman puts his hand to his chin and contemplates "I mean...I suppose it's worth a try. I don't know how..."

"Cause frankly I find this whole thing stupid!"

Sonic says "well yeah!" Tails punches Sonic in the shoulder.

"I offer myself as tribute..." Amy runs up to Coldsteel crying "Coldsteel no!"

"Its ok Amy. You won't remember any of this right? You'll still be with me...I guess... And that's enough for me. Even if they're not these memories, as long as they're my and your memories than no-one in time or space can take that from us."

Scourge walks up to him and shoves Coldsteel "oh no you don't! I'm not allowing myself to have a redemption arc! I nominate myself as unrealed to get rid of all the mods in the multiverse!"

Everyone just kind of looks confused and Eggman speaks raising his eyebrow "how would that work?"

"I don't know but I ain't dying in no time or place for a girl! If I go it's for something worth while!"

"Amy is worthwhile!" Yells Coldsteel at Scourge who shoves him again

"Yeah yeah, she's cute... But is that how we define ourselves? Through some hoity toity love affair? Or are we more than that?"

"So we define ourselves by just our hatred and resentments?"

Shadow is on top of the curtain rod and crassly says "interesting...justice versus vengeance."

Everyone gasps and says Shadow and Scourge looks around raises his hand up

"Who the fuck is THAT?! Was he from the Archie comics?!"

Shadow lands down kneeling rising up. Scourge mutters

"Oh I see...he's the cool dark brooding guy... Fuck you blackface Sonic."

Shadow walks right pass Coldsteel and Scourge up to Amy.

"You have to be the one to decide Amy."

"W...why me?"

Eggman takes out a calculator and mumbles to himself

"You know, that actually makes sense!"

"Both of these clowns have lived their whole lives trying to make metaphysics applicable through dialectical materialism."

Amy nods "those are definitely words..."

"It's like Sartre said; freedom is what you do with what's been done to you. From what I've gathered...both these guys have been defining themselves by just being bitter jackasses who happen to hate mods."

"And hookah" says Scourge and Coldsteel high fives him and they look perplexed

"I feel like we just did that not too long ago..." "Maybe we should sing what's new pussycat" "let's not and say we did"

Shadow looks at them annoyed and turns back "ANYWAY...now they've had a third thing to define their existence. You. Someone who appreciates them despite their..."

Coldsteel and Scourge are setting up hookah and arguing over cinnamon roll or double apple flavor.

"FLAWS... Your man needs you Amy. Whoever that might be."

Amy looks at both of them tearing up as they smoke and wave at her.

Sonic rolls his eyes and groans

"What's the big deal?! They're the same person!"

Tails scolds Sonic "Its an existential thought experiment Sonic! Shadow is saying that Coldsteel and Scourge are defined by a series of Axioms. An axiom is an irreducible primary. It does not rely on anything to be valid."

Sonic nods "those are definitely words..." Tails smacks his own face.

"If we know these truths to be self evident that we as living persons are defined by our desires, our likes, our dislikes, our memories... What are we without them? We're nothing."

Eggman interjects "hence unrealed..."

"And what is one of those Axioms? Loving Amy."

"But isn't he just me anyway?"

Eggman interjects again "yeah but the blue you is just really stupid..."

"Thanks Robotdick..."

Tails finishes "therefore the most villainous thing they could think of to do, was to place the burden onto Amy. In the ultimate testament of radical freedom, they're leaving her to decide what is the dominant axiom. What is at the top of a man's soul? Before anything else...you get amnesia and don't remember your name, your parents, your favorite food, what axiom so vividly is yours, that it can transcend being erased by circumstances? If Scourge got rid of all the mods would he still be Scourge and I don't know, just be a simp?"

Scourge smokes and points at Coldsteel "like this guy" Coldsteel grabs the hose "quit being a smoke hog nig!" Coldsteel starts smoking...

Tails continues "If they didn't have their passion for smoking what would be their passion? Would they just be like SUPER EVIL and hate everything?"

Scourge mutters "I mean...I kinda do...this cinnamon roll AND double apple mint tastes like ass together."

Amy yells at both of them "you all were supposed to be eating MY ass!" Coldsteel and Scourge say at the same time "not it!"

Tails points to Amy "or are they defined by her?"

Sonic inhales deeply "WOW this is way too fucking deep for Sonic the hedgehog..."

Amy yells again "and yet no-one is going that deep into me! CURIOUS!!!"

Eggman has a portable radar ringing and says "Well Amy if you're going to make a decision you better do it quickly. Something is coming this way that is also distorting space and time."

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WE3a68G5afo

Amy panicking looking back and fourth "its like one of those game shows with two doors to choose..." Eggman says "but only one bares your name"

Coldsteel and Scourge start laughing like Beavis and Butthead.

Sonic says "how is that even in relation?!" Shadow tells Sonic "Beavis and Butthead used to play rock and metal song videos when regular MTV wouldn't..."

"How would anyone younger than fossil KNOW THAT?!"

#sonic memes #sonic fanfiction

0 notes

purplesurveys · 4 years

Text

898

Sniff.. what can you smell? Nothing in particular. I suppose our house has a certain unique smell to it, but since I hang out here everyday I guess I just don’t recognize it anymore. What is the last thing you watched on TV? The last thing I watched on an actual TV was the evening news for last Friday. The last show I watched regardless of platform was The Big Bang Theory. What is the last text message in your inbox? It was my service provider telling my weekly promo ended last night. Who is the best cook in your household? Dad. He’s literally a chef, so that shouldn’t be surprising. What were you wearing today? Striped tank top and shorts.

What have you eaten today? Nothing yet. Do you like lemon meringue pie? I’d eat a very small slice because I can only do a few bites with lemon-flavored stuff, but I don’t entirely hate it. What are your country’s staple dishes? I would say adobo, sinigang, and kare-kare are our top three. Do you want kids? Yes. Are you a virgin? Nope. What is one thing you'd never want your parents to find out? That I smoke/vape now. It’s just one of those things they never have to know about. What was the last thing you felt disappointed by? The way Gab turned down my request to call while I was feeling depressed because she says that particular weeknight is reserved for her weekly video chats with her two best friends. Meh, thinking about it still stings a little. Let’s move on. When was the last time you exercised? I didn’t do it with exercising in mind but I took a walk with my dog around the neighborhood during the weekend. How long have you been on the computer right now? Just around ten minutes. My pup has started to nap and now I have time to take a survey. Do you play games on your phone? When I’m waiting in line or if the internet is down, yes. Which 3 are your absolute favourite dead celebs? I don’t have favorite...dead celebrities...but those whose deaths affected me quite a lot are Amy Winehouse, Christina Grimmie, and most recently Naya Rivera. If you could invite 4 famous people over for dinner who would you choose? I’d invite Beyoncé four times. Would you ever want to be famous? Just for the free trips and free stuff. Do you have music on your cellphone? I don’t have music files anymore but I do have offline songs on my Spotify. Name something red that you can see? A side table here in the living room. Name three black things that you can see? Cooper’s crate, the electric fan, the PS4. Which room of your house are you in? Living room. How many blankets do you sleep under? Just one but it’s large and super thick. What is the time where you are? 8:19 AM. I miss my school lunch menu.. what's the fave thing on yours? I never bought lunch from my high school because I found them too expensive for my allowance which was only ₱100/day; and I preferred to technically starve myself so that I had money to go out with my friends during the weekend instead. Not the healthiest thing ever, but you were considered cool if you had friends to go out with in the weekends and I didn’t want to miss out on that. Typical high school peer pressure. Have you ever had any drugs (if so, what?) Other than caffeine, nicotine, and painkillers and medications I’ve taken, no.

Do you own a pair of those ripped short denim shorts? I own denim shorts but none of them are ripped. I just feel like if they’re already short, it doesn’t have to show even more skin lol but you do you if you prefer ripped denim shorts. Do you like your best friends’ parents? Could you even tell me their names? I love both sets. I know all of their names, but I won’t say them on here. Favourite thing about summer? Beach trips. That’s it. Otherwise I hate summer. Favourite thing about winter? Based on what I see on movies and stuff, I really like the image of being all curled up in front of a fireplace wearing mittens and having a cup of hot cocoa. I dunno if everyone is always that peaceful during winter, but that visual has always been so soothing for me. What are your 3 favourite foods? Nasi goreng, any kind of curry, and burgers. Do you like any weird combinations? My bf loves nutella and banana on toast. People have chocolate and banana together all the time though?? I don’t think it’s weird lol. Anyway, I love mayonnaise and I think I’d be willing to pair it with most foods, except in cases where it’s gonna be obviously gross, like putting it in spaghetti. Are you more of a mum’s kid or dad’s kid? Dad. Marilyn Monroe or Audrey Hepburn? AUDREY Have you ever heard of the tv programme 'shortland street'? I don’t think so. When I say the word 'mongrel' what thoughts come to mind? Jacob Black from Twilight lol...Rosalie Hale in particular liked calling him this word. Anything silly that annoys you? (I hate hearing nails being clipped) Arguments on Facebook have always been funny to me.

#survey #surveys

0 notes

amferry0-blog · 5 years

Text

Week 3 of Classes

Sept. 9th- 13th

Weekend Work: 603- Saturday I got drop kicked back into the real world coming back from vacation. I’m working on concepts from Module 3 but it was locked until I figured out I needed to clear out Module 2 pages that I already did! The rest of the mod work was pretty easy and I finished it early obviously because when I went to preview mod 4, it said locked until the 9th at 11:59! My main focus now is to embrace the week again with my regular, school counseling courses and my first day at Fort Hill on Wednesday!

Monday: 612- Practicum was a little overwhelming. I had a huge problem with figuring out the scheduling aspect. I was also very scared when Ms. Jackson said that we might have parents coming in with their tax forms and asking them for help with their FAFSA. I don’t even do my own taxes! All in all, this class was not a pleasant one.

Wednesday: Practicum Placement at Fort Hill Highschool- I got up at 5AM this day to ensure that I got all the way to Cumberland in time lol. And all my nervousness was such a waste of time as my placement supervisor, the school staff, and the students were welcoming and polite. I learned more in one day in the school counseling office about the profession than I did all of last year. I was surprised at how much sitting goes on. I was also surprised to see how tumultuous the relationship between the counselors and teachers can be. My biggest surprise was the amount of non student personnel that came in throughout the day, just to vent! Its as if they were utilizing the counseling services that they had most ready access to lol. I think I’m going to do my presentation on vaping because its a legal issue in the news right now and apparently last year, the janitor found 50 juul pods hidden in the ceiling tiles.

613- I wasn’t looking forward to this class after a long day of practicum, but I really enjoyed the exercise we participated in. We wrote down three things that were personal and private and analyzed how they made us feel judgement about ourselves and why we wouldn’t share them. The good news is, we didn’t share them at the end and we got to rip them up! I found this very therapeutic because they were essentially, a list of my grievances. I was a little bored at the end when we went over the ethical implications of running a group.

Thursday: 610- I fell a little behind on the readings for this class and the assignments that included a journal of my placement experience, and an outline of my personal values paper which we did something similar to last semester in diversity. The Stone reading even though it was five lengthy chapters was fascinating. I loved reading the case studies and how it related to how school counselors should practice. This class really feels like its going to be useful in my future career and I will definitely have gotten my moneys worth out of these books! I am a little nervous about having missed it for vacation last week, but Amy did a great job summarizing the discussions for me. I have some questions written down too about specific things relating to what a school counselor does, legally in certain situations.

What a great class! I didn’t feel like we discussed the readings very much which I was ready for, but at least I was prepared in case we did. We laughed and vented about our placements and discussed important ethical issues that we may be faced with in our future work as school counselors. A new word that I learned from this class was when Henderson said we live in a litigious society. This basically means people can and will try to sue you. The only thing that made class a little uncomfortable is that lately I’ve been struggling with this little voice that says that I would much rather be a teacher than a school counselor. Lord knows it’s too late for that as I’m over half way done and have already invested thousands, upon thousands into this program. I don’t know if there’s even any truth to it, I just feel that there is certain things that people who get into this field are super liberal about, and I still think like a teacher who has very high expectations for students. I do feel very positive about the way this week went. It was long and difficult especially because I was coming home from vacation, but I am proud of myself for putting a lot into it and the amount that I learned in readings, discussion, and in the field. I am so excited for tomorrow and the weekend. “Positive thinking equals positive results!” That’s my favorite quote that I heard this week and I intend to employ it in my academic and personal life.

0 notes

blockheadbrands · 5 years

Text

Why the Women of Broad City are the Stoner Heroines We’ve Been Waiting For

Jennifer Boeder of High Times Reports:

As we embark upon the premiere of the final season of Broad City, we recount all the reasons why Abbi and Ilana are the weed queens the world so desperately needed.

When the cultural history of marijuana is recounted, the women of Broad City will be ranked alongside Willie Nelson, Dennis Peron, Bob Marley, and Jeffrey Lebowski as some of its most groundbreaking and influential 420 icons. Lead characters Abbi Abrams and Ilana Wexler (played by the show’s creators, Abbi Jacobson and Ilana Glazer) have given us a completely original entry in the cannabis canon: a female Stoner Duo.

Stoner Heroes have been with us since the release of Easy Rider in 1969. The archetype arose with the ’60s counterculture, but much like cannabis itself, the trope evolved into an array of countless strains. Cheech and Chong’s Up In Smoke, however, spurred a seismic change in stoner screen-history. Released in 1978, the film not only invented the stoner comedy genre, it expanded the archetype of the lone Stoner Hero into the even-more-iconic Stoner Duo.

Up In Smoke laid the blueprint for Half Baked, The Big Lebowski, Pineapple Express and a plethora of other films. It birthed iconic duos like Bill and Ted, Craig and Smokey, Method Man and Redman, Harold and Kumar, Jay and Silent Bob, and Shaggy and Scooby.

While these onscreen Stoner Duos have been remarkably diverse in terms of age, race, and socioeconomic status they’re almost inevitably male. Historically, the rare stoner chicks we’ve seen in film and television are bit players, adjacent to male leads. Exactly one woman made Ranker’s Top 20 Most Influential Stoners In Film History: Annie Hall, a Woody Allen character from 1977.

All of the above explains why, when women saw Broad City for the first time, millions of us nearly dropped our bongs. Finally, we were seeing ourselves onscreen for the first time–and not as desperate suburbanite widows driven to drug-dealing; or cute, pixie sidekicks to leading male characters. Broad City puts fully-realized lady dope fiends center stage.

The show also treats pot differently than any series that came before it. While weeddrives the plot of some episodes, it’s also just a part of the landscape–like bodegas, graffiti, and the subway. Whether Abbi and Ilana are partying, FaceTiming, masturbating, working, eating, managing sprained ankles, or coping with heartbreak, getting stoned is portrayed as essential– but also ordinary. Like regular trips to Bed Bath and Beyond as well as the love and loyalty of dear friends, cannabis is experienced as an integral accessory for the human condition.

In honor of this iconic, trailblazing duo (and the fifth and final season of Broad City), here’s a breakdown of the ways in which Abbi and Ilana are the weed queens we didn’t know we needed:

Abbi and Ilana Take Pot Seriously

In Season 1, Episode 2, Abbi embarks on the heroine’s journey of buying her own pot like a grown adult—a quest inspired by the sight of Ilana pulling a bag of weed from her own vagina.

In Season 2, Episode 9, Ilana plunges into a fiery romance with Adele, a mirror image of Ilana who seems perfect in every way—but when Adele wrinkles her nose and announces that she doesn’t smoke pot, Ilana promptly shows her the door.

Men might compromise on this issue, but weed queens have their priorities straight.

Fast forward to Season 3, Episode 4, in which Ilana throws a party at her apartment to raise funds for a rat exterminator. She rummages through her belongings, apartment, and hair in search of spare nugs she can sell. And the weed bar she assembles is truly a sight to behold.

They Also Overdo it

In a quest to be an adult who purchases her own pot, Abbi gets mistaken for a weed dealer and ends up scoring from a middle schooler. Then, she decides to smoke in the bathroom at the dentist’s office– and triggers the smoke alarm and sprinkler system. Then there’s Ilana, who frequently smokes joints before napping at work and is known to steal office supplies that she uses to barter for grass.

Then there’s the time in Season 2, Episode 9, when the duo gleefully vape at their coat check job and lose Kelly Ripa’s coat. There’s also that classic moment while attempting to swipe an air-conditioner from an NYU dorm room in Season 2, Episode 1, that they decide to teach some undergrads about “the dangers of ripping underage bongs.” How they do this? By ripping bong hits with them, of course.

Obviously, no one should steal, or vape at work, or purchase weed from eighth-graders, or get underage boys high; yes, these are unarguably foolish decisions. But it’s liberating to watch female fuckups act irresponsibly. Male stoners onscreen (and in real life) have always had permission—nay, encouragement—to be libertines and jackasses. As Broad City’s executive producer Amy Poehler noted, Abbi and Ilana’s transgressive behavior is intentional: “Women always have to be the eye rollers, as the men make a mess. We didn’t want that. Young women can be lost, too.”

Abbi and Ilana are messy, and while their weed-fueled debauchery may not always be wise, it’s both subversive and funny-as-hell. And it’s genuinely refreshing to watch women who don’t care about their jobs get high and eat cereal. Abbi and Ilana DGAF about the grind: they’re too busy looking for the grinder.

Abbi and Ilana are Role Models for Women

Okay, capitalists. Maybe they’re not role models in terms of their non-striving, just-lie-and-leave approach to their jobs. And, sure: they probably shouldn’t have gone on that creepy Craigslist, housecleaning-in-your-underwear job to raise funds for a Lil Wayne concert. Or substituted weed shakes for Vicodin post-surgery. Or made out with super-stoned minors. Or tried to sneak pot into Israel by hiding bags of weed in their vaginas. These are all horrible ideas.

But I would argue their defiance, rule-breaking, and risk-taking is admirable and something females need to see more of–regardless of age. As Abbi Jacobson told theNew York Post, “Maybe not a lot of women on TV act the way we do—but a lot of the women we know act that way.”

Broad City hasn’t just broken boundaries around sex, nudity, queerness, and bodily functions– it’s also shattered the archetype around who’s allowed to be a slipshod stoner.

Weed is part of Abbi and Ilana’s unapologetic pursuit of pleasure, which is radical and deeply feminist. But their love for the herb pales in comparison to their love for each other. Their adoring friendship, both in front of and behind the camera, truly makes our Grinch heart grow three sizes.

“Where people of my rapidly advancing age had Jay and Silent Bob, millennials have Abbi and Ilana as their Stoner Superheroes, and thank Weed Jesus for that,” says Samantha Irby, comedian, blogger, and New York Times bestselling author of Meaty and We Are Never Meeting In Real Life. “It’s a shame that it feels revolutionary to see female friendship depicted in such a real and honest way, but it totally is. Abbi and Ilana have filled a little nug-sized hole in my heart and for that I’m forever grateful.”

The Duo Prove Pot is a Feminist Issue

Season 4, Episode 1 opens with Abbi and Ilana strolling whilst casually discussing hairstyle choices. The camera pulls back to reveal they’re actually escorting a woman through an enraged throng of pro-lifers to the door of an abortion clinic. Ilana bids the woman farewell by saying, “Your body, your choice”—and then whips out a bowl and lights it. A protester yells at her, causing Ilana to blow dope smoke in his face and shriek, “You don’t know how much you need that!”

Abbi follows suit, exhaling smoke all over the infuriated crowd. Ilana puts the bowl in her pocket, and they walk off into the sunset, chatting with smiles on their faces. The camera cuts to the first protestor, standing in shock: “Why are we doing this?” he says to himself, munching on a cookie.

It’s 59 seconds of pure, smoke-laden genius. In under a minute, Abbi and Ilana somehow manage to convert a religious nut bag with the power of pot. They show us that young women can be stoner slackers while still stepping up to take direct action to defend women’s rights. The sight of them smoking grass in their clinic escort shirts is like manna from feminist stoner heaven.

Broad City is first and foremost an absurdist comedy. But despite its surreal silliness and ridiculous antics, it’s had a real impact on women.

“I can definitively say that if it weren’t for Broad City, I might not be in the cannabis industry today,” says Tiara Darnell, Oregon’s 2017 Budtender of the Year and host/executive producer of the podcast High, Good People. “These weed queens busted through the D.A.R.E. wall in my mind and helped me define my relationship with the plant. In the show and in real life, Abbi and Ilana have inspired me to define ‘normalization’ on my own terms and to create the smart stoner content I want to see in the world.”

And that’s exactly what the ladies of Broad City have instilled in canna-loving women across the world: be the Weed Queen you want to see in the world.

Jennifer Boeder is a content specialist at Grasslands: A Journalism-Minded Agency. She writes about cannabis, music, politics, and culture. Her work has appeared in Cannabis Culture, The Weed Blog, Oxygen, Chicagoist, Wonkette, Built In Chicago, Cuepoint and The Urbaness. She lives in Los Angeles.

TO READ MORE OF THIS ARTICLE ON HIGH TIMES, CLICK HERE.

https://hightimes.com/culture/why-women-broad-city-stoner-heroines-weve-been-waiting-for/

0 notes