#rest easy Nana♥️ | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

whodarestoloveforever · 9 months

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We lost you on Thursday.

We laid you to rest today.

My entire life you were my best friend, and my Nana.

The dread and loneliness that consume me attempting to comprehend the reality that you’re gone feels insurmountable, but otherwise is indescribable.

And I ask myself a question almost identical to one I’ve heard numerous times before, but is now so raw, painful and real:

How can such a strong person,

a life brimming with so much energy and love,

a soul so powerful,

simply…disappear?

You lived life in a way that made the inevitable seem impossible. You made 95 years seem too soon. In the past 15 years alone you battled and fully recovered from heart surgery, a stroke, emergency surgery, cancer, and technically even covid. You could’ve lived forever, proved immortality is actually possible, and it would’ve been less of a shock than this. I genuinely never expected to outlive you.

Thank you for quite literally everything you’ve ever given me, and for all the memories I have of/because of you.

For the memories I share with D and H, and even with B; all the times I’d come over to your apartment on a Saturday evening, and we’d order Chinese food (was there ever a time you didn’t get sesame chicken?), then set up the pullout sofa-bed exactly the way you wanted it, and finally watch a movie or tv until we’d doze off. It didn’t matter how late mom and dad would pick me up the following day, they always came too early.

For all the trips the two of us would take to the mall to get dinner from some place in the food court, and then walk around and shop…and sorry for all the times I pulled you into Hot Topic, I know you hated going in there.

For the countless stories you got to tell me about relatives I never had the chance to meet.

Even for the times I took you to doctor’s appointments, because we’d still spend time together afterwards, whether it was going to the diner or Red Lobster, or just going back to your apartment and keeping you company.

And even for all the things that may seem unimportant or even silly;

Like when you were the only one who showed genuine anger after the girl who bullied me left a threatening note in my backpack, and you told me to “punch her right in her fucking face”.

Or that one time mom and I were at your apartment and she had seemingly gone through every channel on your tv, but still couldn’t find something you wanted to watch, so she gave up and handed me the remote. So I sat down next to you on the couch, then almost immediately found and put on IASIP for us; you thought it was the funniest fucking show(and of course you decided Charlie Day was your favorite before we’d even finished one episode).

I’ll miss everything about you, right down to the smart ass remarks, the multiple, sometimes nonstop phone calls, and the never ending voicemails that’d fill up the mailbox on mom’s phone.

I could go on forever, but it would never be enough; 5 giant trifold boards filled with cards and photos of you throughout the years with various family members and friends could only display the tiniest fraction of photos, and memories, that really exist. All of the family and friends in one room for you, and it felt so wrong that you weren’t right there along with us.

Your hair and makeup looked amazing. And I promise that you were taken care of by some of the best in the industry, at least one of them a former classmate of mine, so you were not left alone with strangers like you’d so often worry about.

Mom got you your newspaper and gave it to you along with $5;

Ash bought you your usual lucky numbers for the next lotto drawing and gave that to you;

I snuck a $20 into your pocket, just like you’d do to me and all your other grandchildren.

We made sure, and I think it’s safe to say that you’ve got pretty much everything you usually need and want, so you’re all set for wherever it is you may be.

The last time I visited you, before saying goodbye I told you, “I’ll see you soon”. I hope so badly that somehow, in some way, I’ll be able to.

#tw loss #tw death #tw grief #rest easy Nana♥️

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