goodnight

You are a good pet owner. Like it’s just a fact at this point. I don’t think you’re an animal hoarder seeing as you’ve had three I think you said but it is true that when we take pets in from a shelter or off the street that they probably would be dead if we hadn’t done that. You’re emotional because you care. I hope tomorrow goes as well as it can, you’re in my thoughts 😔

thanks -- also again i only have 2 right now, one dog & one cat (in addition to my 5 hissing cockroaches but if anyone thinks i should surrender those bc they haven’t been to a vet then idk what to say). the third dog is jointly mine but she lives with my ex & has for the past 2 years ever since we split. she is the dog being euthanized tomorrow.

& speaking of doing the best thing for quality of life even if it’s difficult, that is exactly what we are doing with her. her sarcoma is so large & will only grow back more aggressive if she has a second surgery to remove it. the only treatment option for her is amputation of her leg. she is 13, partially blind & deaf, & also having seizures which may be due to the cancer spreading to her brain. even if the leg is amputated, it’s going to be a painful & stressful surgery & recovery process for her, & at her age & with the possible brain tumor, it’s unlikely to buy her much time -- & whatever time it does buy is likely to be even worse for her quality-wise. even still, i made an appointment with the specialty hospital for an evaluation & to get a second opinion, but the soonest they can get us in is this friday & with her leg the way it is we (along with her vet) have decided that is too long to wait. of course we have both agonized over this decision, which is made even worse by the fact that my ex & i have not been in contact for a long time & aren’t on good terms. my followers know that i drew up a pet custody agreement when we split & that my ex hasn’t been keeping up with her end of the deal in keeping me informed & involved in the dog’s healthcare decisions; i was even looking at getting a lawyer just a week ago! of course we don’t want to euthanize our sweet dog but it’s the best choice out of our limited options.

also when i say my pets would be dead if i hadn’t taken them, this dog is the only one for which i know that is 100% true -- as i’ve said, she was abandoned in the parking lot of the shelter where i worked, unable to use her back legs at all. the shelter suspected she needed back surgery, but given how expensive that is (upwards of $5,000 -- if you look at a list of vet surgeries ranked by most expensive, it’s usually at the top), they did not have the funds to do it. again, it was a difficult quality of life decision, & the choice they made was going to be euthanasia.

my own dog had already had this same surgery once if not twice by then (he’s had a total of 3 & i don’t remember the exact timing). i wanted to be okay with seeing a similar dog put to sleep, but i wasn’t. (my ex, who also worked at the shelter, struggled of course because she became very attached, but for the record, she had resigned herself to seeing the dog put down.) i made my only sucker decision & said i would take her home. this was a decision absolutely made at the last possible minute -- they were preparing the room for the euthanasia & employees had started crying for her already. & then i had to beg the higher-ups to let me take her! they even at one point in the negotiations were going to ask for a bank statement to prove that i had the funds to get her her back surgery! they were quite literally holding her for ransom -- show us you can pay or we’ll kill the dog. i would have been able to afford it, but coming from previous experience & on the advice of a neurologist, we decided first to confine her to her crate for several months to limit her activity. this is an approved alternate to surgery for a dog with a slipped disk, which is what we suspected she had. after a few weeks of cage rest, she began walking again & miraculously recovered. she never had back problems again & still hasn’t to this day.

that was almost 6 years ago exactly. we bought her 6 years of a good life that she wouldn’t have otherwise had.