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autismsubway-remade · 2 years

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domestic ingo fic because im insane (EVERY INTERACTION IS PLATONIC)

(inspired by a comic from @hoofpeet ^_^)

In Hisui, Ingo had to do many things himself. Cooking and cleaning were a given, because Lady Sneasler was a pokemon and unfortunately lacked opposable thumbs (and also had knife claws.) As a warden, he was to help his noble with every one of her new litters and was to watch them once she was recovered enough from birth to hunt again. He did not mind, finding the routine comforting in an otherwise unpredictable place.

Lady Sneaslers newest litter had brought upon a predicament.

A sneasel had arrived too early, and was much too small. Ingo feared he would have to bury yet another child of Lady Sneaslers, an unfortunate occurrence that was becoming far too frequent for his liking. The tiny sneasel squeaked in his arms, small enough to be held with only one hand. Lady sneaslers other eggs weren't set to hatch for quite some time yet, so he focused his attention on the kit. She was a girl, feather so small that it was nearly nonexistent.

By the time Lady Sneaslers other kits were hatched, the tiny sneasel (affectionately dubbed little lady) had grown much stronger.

The only issue was that she refused to see Lady Sneasler as her mother, opting instead to follow Ingo wherever he went, strutting behind him like a ducklett and constantly pleading to be held. Eventually, he crafted a small sling from a soft blanket he had sewn.

Nobody batted an eye when he appeared in the settlement with a very affectionate sneasel on his chest, swaddled in a makeshift baby sling.

Even when little lady was old enough to leave the den, she refused to, and when Ingo was returned back to Unova she came along.

Ingo quickly fell back into his routines, waking up with the sun to clean his and Emmet's apartment, and making breakfast with little lady still fastened onto his chest.

She purred and swatted at his beard with her poisonous knife claws. He was wholly unaffected.

Emmet however, was not.

"Ingo? What are you doing? It is 6am." Ingo looked back at his brother, who was still rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "Oh, did I wake you? I apologize."

Emmet stared at him.

"Ingo. Why do you have your sneasel in a baby sling."

He looked down. Little lady stared back up at him, and continued to tug at his hair. The menace.

"She does not like being away from me, or on the ground for that matter. I have no idea as to why that is, however." He mumbled, focusing on cracking eggs into a bowl.

"You said you raised her because she hatched early, right? Maybe she thinks you're her mother!"

He stopped.

"What."

Emmet was silent for a total of 3 seconds before doubling over in laughter.

"Did you seriously never notice??"

Ingo did not. Most of his time in Hisui was a blur of disassociation and mild poisoning (before his immunity, that is) so he truly never noticed. It was simply more convenient to carry little lady around, and nobody in the pearl clan even batted an eye.

"I...Was not entirely present for most of my time in Hisui. I guess I just assumed she was simply more affectionate than the other kits." He scrambled the eggs, and lightly batted little ladies hand away from the raw bacon.

Emmet sat down on the floor. "I kinda figured, you kinda had a thousand mile stare in the photos I found." Ingo hummed in response, the smell of bacon filling the apartment as he cooked.

"By the way, Elesa said she's coming over since we're awake. I don't know how she figured that out though."

"Maybe she has telepathy?"

"Verrry unlikely. She probably just has our routine memorized."

Ingo placed the bacon and eggs on a plate, and placed little lady on the floor.

"Snea!"

"You are going to steal more bacon if I keep holding you, little lady."

"Sneas!"

"Do not deny it. You are guilty."

Little lady was in fact guilty, claws not dripping with poison but instead a light sheen of bacon grease.

"Crrriminal." Emmet spoke through a mouthful of egg. "Emmet, it is rude to speak with your mouth full."

Emmet blew a raspberry at Ingo, who pretended to be scandalized.

Little lady started to weakly claw at Ingo's pant leg, whining to be picked up. Ingo sighed, and obliged her. He placed her on his hip, and fried more bacon. Elesa was a notorious bacon fiend.

Speaking of Elesa, she barged (not really) into the apartment.

"BACON SPO- Wait." She cut herself off mid sentence, instead deciding to stare at Ingo.

Ingo who was in the kitchen, little lady placed on his hip as she watched him cook with wonder in her little eyes. His apron, that he most definitely did not own before. She looked at Emmet, a flash of understanding in his eyes as she took in the sight.

"Iggy. You kinda look like a housewife right now."

Ingo nearly dropped the pan of bacon in his hand.

"I- What?" He flushed, confusion etched across his face.

"Elesa is right. You are even holding little lady like how the old timey mothers do."

Ingo turned off the burner. "I. I do not think that is what I'm doing."

"Nah, it totally is. You're very wifey, got the apron and everything!" Elesa teased, before beelining to the bacon.

Ingo shifts little lady in his arms, and she chirrs in displeasure as she is moved against her will. Ingo does not speak, but instead turns around to try to hide his blush. It fails, his red ears giving him away.

"Wait holy shit this bacon is really good, when the hell did you learn to cook?"

"Probably in Hisui. Ingo was verrry bad at cooking before."

"Well, you weren't a very good cook either Emmet."

"Mm, fair. Wait, did you actually learn to cook in Hisui?"

Ingo nods. "It was essential for survival. A fellow warden helped me though, as I was indeed incredibly bad at it when I first arrived. I had kind of attributed it to the memory loss though." Ingo breaks a piece of bacon in half and hands it to his Excadrill, who has also taken to begging him for food. Little lady is a bad influence.

"I'm kinda suprised you didn't get shredded living on a mountain." Elesa says through a mouthful of bacon. "I didn't leave much, to be fair. Most of my duties were easy to accomplish without even having to go down the mountain, but I did develop an immunity to poison."

"What?"

"These sneasels are poison-fighting type. I thought you knew?"

"I am Emmet. I did not do my research."

Little lady steals more bacon off of Ingo's plate, but hands it to him, skewered in a very poisonous claw. He eats it without batting an eye, and scritches under her chin.

"Ingo. Ingy. Iggy. Go-Go. Can you please be my platonic malewife." Elesa pipes up from his other side.

"Um. Why?"

"Bacon."

"No."

Elesa sighs. "Worth a shot."

#writing #sorry if this is incoherent i am. sleepy #ingo #elesa #emmet #nimbasa trio #pla #pokemon #pkmn #pkmn bw #pokemon black and white #sneasel #malewife ingo....<3 #submas #proship dni i will killa you

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