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cs-and-bellarke · 1 year

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Bellarke- Love isn't weakness

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Chapter 15

Clarke's P.O.V

Instead of answering me Bellamy pulls me closer to him and puts his lips on mine, for a moment I didn’t kiss back but then I did and the feeling I got was the best thing in the world. he tilted his head to deepen the kiss and then he swipes his tongue across my bottom lip asking for entrance and I give it to him, the kiss lasts a few minutes then I pulled away.

“Bellamy…” I started to say.

“What?” he asks.

“I can’t...I can’t get hurt again, and I know you’re going to say you won’t hurt me but the truth is that you don’t know if you are going to...please just don’t ruin this friendship we have please”

“Why do you think I will hurt you”

“I don’t think you will I just don’t want to be hurt and if something happen and most likely it will because we are in high school I don’t only lose a significant other I also lose a friend and I don’t want that to happen”

“I understand where you are coming from but if you don’t open up your heart again then how will you ever be happy with someone in the future”

“Someone once told me Love was weakness and I didn’t listen to her and after she died I still thought that she was wrong and then I got hurt so I need you to understand that I am not ready to give my heart to anyone and I don’t want to lose a friend” I say.

“Your sister,” he says.

“Yeah…”

“Okay” We sat there quietly, I didn't know what to say at this moment and I was scared to say anything so I waited until he said something, I looked at his face and I knew I hurt him but I didn’t mean to. I just can’t get hurt or lose a friend and I just hope he understands that. “Do you want me to take you home?” he asks me.

“What time is it?” I ask him in return.

He looks at his phone then says “15 till 2:00am” that means it’s 1:45am.

“Yeah I should get home before Murphy gets even more pissed than he already is” I said before I realized what I said.

“Oh I forgot he was your brother”

“Yeah, now can you take me home?” I ask him.

“Yeah, of course come on”

Bellamy’s P.O.V

After I dropped Clarke back at home, I went home myself but when I got home Octavia was awake and waiting to interrogate me. Don’t get me wrong I love my sister but I hate it when she meddles in my love life or sometimes my life in general, I tried to just walk straight to my room but she stopped me before I got there. “Where have you been Bellamy Blake!!” she yells.

“Out, now can I go?” I asked her.

“No, who were you with”

“How do you know I was with someone?”

“Because I know you and I heard you on the phone with someone right before you left,” she says.

“It doesn’t matter, all that matters is that I’m home now” I tell her hoping she will leave me alone.

“You were with Clarke weren’t you”

“How the hell did you…”

“Because I know you having feelings for her”

“I kissed her”

“You kissed her, what happened, you seem sad”

“She kissed me back but then pulled away, and then she pretty much said that she wasn’t ready to be with anyone and that she didn’t want to wreck the friendship we have” I say trying not to break down.

“I’m sorry Bell, but she did just get out of a really bad relationship so I don’t blame her for wanting to wait” she says, wait did she say really bad relationship?

“What do you mean a really bad relationship?”

“She didn’t tell you...Finn used to hit her and he has tried to force her to sleep with him but luckily he didn’t get that far”

“What? Are you serious he tried to force her”

“Yeah, I’m surprised she didn’t tell you because of all the things you’ve talked about”

“It never came up, she told me about the hitting but that’s it”

Octavia finally let me go to bed and it’s about 2:45am, I go to bed but I can’t seem to fall asleep after what O told me. I can’t believe Clarke never told me about Finn tried to force her to sleep with him and now I have an even better reason to hate him and kick his ass, I have never liked spacewalker (Finn) and I never will, he has hurt many people and I know I was a player but the girls I slept with knew it was just sex and nothing else. Knowing that Clarke was hurt by him makes me want to kill him and she is not the only one I know he has hurt also my friend Raven witch I know Clarke knows her but they are not that close as far as I know.

Clarke’s P.O.V

Bellamy dropped me off and I kinda stayed outside for 15 minutes but then Murphy saw me through the window and I knew I was in trouble, oh I hope I can get out of this. He comes outside and practicly drags me inside and sits me down on the couch and he looks pissed, and I know I'm going to get a lecture from him.

“Where the hell were you!” he yells at me.

“Out, what's the big deal?” I ask him.

“Because it’s almost 2:00am and I told you to be home before 10:00pm”

“Your not my dad, I don’t have to listen to you, if I want to be out until 2:00am then I will, I know your worried about me and you care but you don’t have to be”

“Yes I do, you’re my baby sister and we are all each others got”

“No, you’re all I got but you have mom, the only reason I live here is because you forced her, she doesn’t care about me and neither does Kane, Kane’s only nice to me because of you. You are all I have left, my dad died right in front of me, you have people who want you and the only person who wants me is you”

“I’m sorry, but I’m always going to worry about you”

“I know but if I am out at 2:00am then you have to trust me that I’ll be responsible and I will make it home okay” I tell him, almost crying.

“Okay, but you were out with Blake and I don’t trust him with you” he says trying to calm me down.

“I know and he’s not a player anymore and we did kiss but I’m not ready to date and I told him I didn’t want to mess up the friendship we have created”

“Okay but I don’t want him to hurt you”

“I know, and I love you for it but can I go to bed now please”

“Yeah, see you in morning or afternoon”

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drawn-to-space · 6 years

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New Year, New Discoveries (part 2)

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Neither of them slept much, they both woke up sluggishly, seemingly both having nightmares. Thank god it was the New Year and they had a day off. But, still... neither of them wanted to do... anything.

Today was going to be hell and it was. However, it seemed like last night affected G more than it did Yumi. He wouldn’t speak, at all. The only moment he spoke in the entire day was when he asked her to change her bandages. She asked multiple times if he was okay or needed something but, he always refused, claiming that he was fine.

She knew it was a lie. Well, who wouldn’t be a little messed up after a situation like last night? However, she never pried too much about it, she thought that, maybe, he just needed some space. However, her worry only grew as time went on and he still wouldn’t really communicate with her.

Slowly, the night came again and nothing really changed, they bid each other a good night, despite neither of them thinking they’d actually have a good one again. Quickly fell asleep, still tired from yesterday.

At some point, Yumi woke up suddenly. She didn’t remember her dream, she wasn’t even sure if she woke up because of a nightmare, but something jerked her awake. She let herself calm down, trying to control her breathing, she didn’t even realize how panicked she was until she was fully conscious of what was going on. She tried to focus on her surroundings.

Suddenly, she heard rushed footsteps, probably heading to the bathroom. It was probably just Gill. Wait, he’s a skeleton, he doesn’t need to-

Before she could even finish that thought, she could hear him gagging and actually throwing up. She sat up on her bed, extremely worried, she didn’t know if she should call for him or get up. The motion made her dizzy, it didn’t help that the noises made her feel even sicker. She just stood there, staring at her closed door. She then heard the sink running and the toilet being flushed. As, quickly as he came in, he paced out of the bathroom. She could hear him panting, in between his steps. She decided that she should check up on him, he clearly isn’t fine. Slowly, she got up, fighting her dizziness to walk toward the kitchen and living room.

As she walked in the hallway, she could hear the sound of glass clinking, like someone was pouring themselves a glass... but not of water or milk... or juice. Oh, god, he’s not drinking, is he? Oh, fuck. There he was, doing exactly that. He didn’t seem to notice her until she was close enough for her clumsy steps to be heard. He stopped once he heard her, jolting a bit. He slowly turned around, as if he was expecting something else, his eye was glowing a bright yellow.

*O-Oh... i-it’s just you. Ah- sorry... I-I just-... “Did you drink yesterday?” she asked, worried. *W-Wha-? Well, I-I... y-yeah... sorry. he apologized, nervously. “... How many?” she asked in a serious and firm tone. *I-I’m not- “How? Many?” she stepped closer, speaking even more firmly. *... P-Probably more than I should. he finally admitted.

Obviously, she looked disappointed, but she couldn’t exactly blame him either. Though, she wondered how did he even get to her stuff so easily, she stored it not really somewhere hidden, but not in an obvious place, because she doesn’t really drink all that much. She started to wonder if he’s done this before yesterday. Fuck.

*I-I’m really sorry, Yumi, you know I’m not the type to take your stuff without permission but... last night was... “I know... I know... just... just one okay? I don’t really mind that you’re drinking my stuff, I don’t really drink that much anyway... I’m just... I just don’t want you to drink yourself out. L-Like... I care about your health a-and... I’m just worried. Y-Y’know?” she shyly explained.

She tugged a little at her sleeve, blushing slightly. Normally you wouldn’t really be able to see, as it is dark, but the blow in his eye and the fact that he can still see, at night, still made her fluster visible. There was a flutter in his ribs again, however, it did not feel very good, considering he just threw up recently. He didn’t say anything and drowned the feeling with a gulp of alcohol. Already, he felt a little better.

*Th-thanks. And I’m sorry... things have been rough, lately... this kinda... made it worse. he explained. “I-I’m sorry too... I shouldn’t have gone there so late.” she lowered her head. *No- it’s fine... besides, I should’ve stayed with you. I know it can get dangerous at night. I was a big idiot... “... I-I just... I feel like I ruined it... You were having so much fun a-and I was too. B-but I was too excited to think.” she admitted *It’s fine, Yumi.... really. And you didn’t ruin anything, it wasn’t your fault. It’s theirs if anything. Attacking someone at a temple on New Year’s Eve. That’s pretty fucked. he reassured her.

A brief pause, but a painful one. He made the gap with another sip. She was staring at him, with a worried expression, still tinted with guilt, despite the reassurance. Because she was trying to guess with his eyes what was the other things that were “rough”, she realized that his glass was shaking a little. Well, rather, he was shaking.

“D-Did you... have a nightmare?” *... Yeah. he didn’t even deny it.

Another pause. Normally, he wouldn’t say anything but... he was too tired and out of it to even care much information he tells her. She continued talking.

“... D-Do you want to talk about it?” she hesitated. *Heh... no... not really. But... “But...?” she repeated, tilting her head worriedly. *I’m pretty sure I’m only going to get worse... if I keep it inside... it’s hell. I just wish I would’ve forgotten completely... that I wouldn’t have these memories to deal with on a near-daily basis. he vaguely explained “I-I... I understand how you feel.” she admitted. *Maybe... but I don’t think to that extent. “W-What do you mean?” she asked, slightly panicked.

He let out a deep nasal sigh. He really was going to tell her everything, wasn’t he? Not that he cared, not today, maybe he’d regret it later but... he really doesn’t care right now. He should at least start with some kind of warning, like that she wouldn’t feel forced to want to continue the conversation if ever she wasn’t comfortable. Still, he hesitated on throwing a bomb like that.

*... Do you... ever feel like you shouldn’t have existed, Yumi?

As expected, she had a strong reaction to that sentence, however, he did not know why. She was shocked, of course, to hear this out of him, it made her sad, angry and millions of other feelings she couldn’t describe. Hearing those words triggered something in her, something that she’d rather forget as well.

He expected her to say “no” or, at least, have an expression that clearly said so. However, he could only feel a horrid sensation as the answer clearly was the opposite, that it was even something she was afraid of even answering herself. He couldn’t look at her for a long moment, guilt filling his throat. He felt nauseous and somehow decided it was a good idea to drown the feeling with another gulp, nearly finishing his glass.

“W-W-What h-happened to you?” *... I’m not sure you really want to know that. “I-I’m sure I can handle it.” she says, not very confidently. *Fine... I don’t want to get into details but- ”T-That’s fine, G. I-I understand.” *... it was some kind of experiment failure. he vaguely explains.

Of course, she looked a little confused, however, it was mostly covered in worry. Honestly, she didn’t even know if she was ready to hear what he was about to say, but she still wanted to hear him out, maybe it would help take off a little bit of his burden, at least. Still, she was afraid and that fear only grew as he hesitated to speak again.

The sane and sober part of him really didn’t want to tell her all of this, to be honest, but this was starting to accumulate and the frequent nightmares he’s having, specifically because of last night’s incident, didn’t help. He needed to, at least, tell someone and it’s not like he didn’t trust her, he was just afraid of how she will take it. But why worry about it now and to this extent? What even if happening to his soul? He felt like it was twisting. There was no reason to be afraid. Is he going nuts or something? He tried to ignore the feeling by taking another sip, before talking again.

*It’s really complicated... and even I don’t remember all of it, but...

There was a worrisome pause.

*Long story short, there were two scientists working on some kind of project after monsters were freed from the Underground, but things weren’t going where they wanted... One of them got stressed to the point where they started having Soul Down. he finally explained. “S-Soul Down? What’s that?” she asked, worried. *It’s kinda like... when monsters get really depressed, because they kinda live on HOPE and LOVE... they eventually start deteriorating.

Yumi let out a short gasp, covering her mouth. She did not like where this is going, at all.

*Because of that... they tried to use the experiment to transfer one of the two’s DT and Soul Fragment. he continued. “DT? What’s-” *That’s too complicated to explain... but it’s short for DETERMINATION. “O-Oh... okay, s-sorry.” she apologized, afraid of the implications. *It’s fine... anyway, something went wrong, I don’t know what exactly, but it made their Souls fuse into each other. The machine exploded, they died... I was... “born”. he admitted, hesitantly. “W-What!? I-I think I lost you with that last part... I-I don’t understand.”

She was unbelievably afraid, not of him, but... she couldn’t help but worry about what that meant, she couldn’t grasp it, she wasn’t even sure if she understood it correctly. G, couldn’t look at her, though, he didn’t want to explain it in more detail, it was painful enough as is. He was getting bad flashbacks and tried to drown them with a gulp of alcohol, finishing his glass. Still, it didn’t help. He couldn’t look at her as he spoke.

*I-I was “them” Yumi... some kind of Amalgamate of their Souls... they died and I still have their voices in my head. I still have some of their distorted memories. I still have nightmares about their past! About the accident! About all the stupid shit I did! Like fucking abandoning my “brother” because I can’t stand the fact that they’re DEAD and I’m alive somehow and have to take all the fucking burden of their deaths! It makes me want to fucking wish that they just died and nothing happened THAT I DIDN’T HAPPEN! I WISH I DIDN’T FUCKING-

Suddenly, his glass was taken away and he was yanked into a hug. With the small sniffles he was hearing, he realized that she was crying. He didn’t mean to upset her and especially not yell at her while he was aggressively venting.

*I... I-I’m sorry Yumi I-I don’t- “I-It’s okay... I just-... you were right that I probably don’t know how bad it is for you but... I-I know how you feel. Well, I used to... I... my mother was... horrible... she made me feel worthless because of how I was... my arm and my magic... she blamed me and my brother for my father leaving her... I-I... I often wished that I was born diffrent...m-maybe even... n-not at all... I-I kinda had a S-Soul Down myself...”she admitted.

He couldn’t say anything about what she admitted and what it implied. It was one thing to feel like this on your own, but someone else feeding that into your mind and your own family too? He was... words can’t even describe how he’s feeling, right now.

“B-But... even if she d-destroyed my self-esteem and e-even if my back looks l-like this because of her... I realized that she was wrong. Everyone has the right to exist! A-And... y-you’re a great person G... I-I wouldn’t have let you stay for this long i-if... if I didn’t c-care about you... y-y’know?”

She was a bit embarrassed to say that out loud, but it was more important to say it than her own embarrassment. It did help her on lessening her tears, though. But, she was still sniffling quite a bit.

Of course, it also shocked and embarrassed G that she would say something like this. However, he was still very thankful and glad that she felt that way. But, maybe he was strangely a little too glad. He doesn’t know why but, he had yet another intense fluttery feeling, just like at the New Years. This time, however, he was even tearing up a little. It didn’t help that even his Soul was also beating intensely. He doesn’t know why he would have that strong of a reaction. Maybe the alcohol made it worse. Still, he hugged her tightly, hoping it would calm him down, somehow. What is even going on?

Yumi noticed that her shoulder was starting to get wet as he laid his head on her shoulder. However, she didn’t say anything about it and they stayed like this for a little moment.

After a few seconds, he pulled away while wiping his tears with one hand, the other was still on her shoulder. He took a deep “breath” before speaking again.

*I-I’m really sorry Yumi... I didn’t mean to upset you. But- “Really, G, i-it’s fine. That wasn’t why I was crying... I just-... I kinda had some bad flashbacks of back then... b-but it’s okay! It just... made me realize even more how horrible it was to feel that way, even though... I had people supporting me.” she explained her eyes filled with melancholy.

Her eyes started watering again, remembering the things she went through. But, she didn’t want to think about it, not right now. She was supposed to try to comfort him, but she keeps deriving it to herself. But, no matter how much she told herself to stop crying, to show her support instead of wallowing in the past, wiping her tears away, she just couldn’t stop. She hates this.

“I-I’m sorry I-I'm supposed to cheer y-you up a-and... I-I just-”

He could see that, despite trying to seem like she was okay, that she got over this, she clearly hasn’t, maybe she still had those feelings in her mind, to this day. Knowing her, she’s probably hiding it to not make others worry. He doesn’t know what came over him but, without even thinking, he cupped her face with both his hands and wiped her tears away.

Of course, she blushed a deep red, caught off guard by the gesture, reflexively holding his wrist. She wasn’t really expecting anything but, it didn’t stop her from being embarrassed by... whatever he was doing. She squirmed a little, when he brushed his thumbs near her eyes, causing her glasses to get a little crooked. But, she didn’t mind too much, other than that, despite being a little confused.

He doesn’t know why he stood there for a few couple of seconds, making things gradually more awkward. His mind was going a bit fuzzy, his soul felt a lot fuzzier, though. It could be the alcohol starting to kick in but, this felt a little... different. Strange, even. What the hell is even going on?

Still not really thinking straight, he leaned in a little closer. What is he even planning on doing?

A little closer. Maybe, deep down, he knows the answer?

Closer. No, he can’t keep denying it. He knows why. But why does he even what to do “that”? Rather, why now?

He... no, everything feels fuzzy, he can’t think straight. He can’t do that, not like this, he doesn’t even know why. He can’t think straight, he can’t.

He can’t.

He stops his tracks, close enough where he could feel her restrained nasal breath on his face. He realized that she was very stiff, as if she was kinda holding her breath, eyes closed almost firmly, blushing furiously. It didn’t really look like she wanted to, but it didn’t look like she was planning on pushing him away either. She honestly could’ve, he wasn’t holding her in a way that would’ve restrained her, even her hand was free. But, she still held his wrist.

He doesn’t get it. He doesn’t understand anything that is happening right now. Things are just too fuzzy right now.

He derives his previous attempt to, instead, rest his forehead, blushing about what he almost did. Regaining a little bit of his rationality back, he hesitantly speaks up again.

*... I-I’m sorry... I dunno what I’m doing right now... I think... it’s the alcohol starting to kick in. “I-I-It’s o-okay... I-I think...” she tried to reassure, hesitantly opening her eyes. *We should go to bed... it’s really late now... I’m tired... and probably kinda drunk. “O-Okay.” she nodded, avoiding his gaze.

He let her go and took a step back, still looking at her, but half avoiding her gaze. She was completely avoiding his, however, but she also looked like she wanted to say something. However, she didn’t speak up and turned away towards her room. However, remembering something, he stopped her for one more moment.

*Oh, uh... and... I wanted to tell you... Thank you, Yumi. I... I care about you too and... I hope we can overcome our past... someday.

She didn’t know what to say to that, it made her even more flustered but, she’s the one who said it first. However, something else caught her eye. Maybe it was just because they were in the dark but... G’s soul was glowing through his shirt. She didn’t know what to make of that information, so she just stood there.

He thought she either wanted to say something again, or she thought he was going to say something else, so he continued. Or, rather, he gave a sign that he was finished saying what he wanted to say.

*Goodnight. “U-Um, yeah... g-goodnight.”

She awkwardly heads back to her room. What a night. He needs to sleep on all of this. Many questions needed answers.

#Purple Bones #chapter 7 #part 2 #new year new discoveries #yumi kizui #g!sans #gill sans #two-in-one-skele

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