Names changed.

Buckle the fuck in.

I have been wanting to tell anyone about this series of events at work. The story doesn't start with me, an ex-coworker who was a Lead and was the one who checked in Julius the dog for a month-long stay. It is well known that his owner Mario is a bit of an Eccentric old Queen. He thinks he's a vampire and other shit. Whatever. He's checking his dog in and mentions he's going to Colombia to find a husband and do cocaine.

Okay go off, if I were retired and lonely I'd probably do something similar. I know he's lonely because every time he comes in he starts the same conversation about how all his family is dead and he's single.

Clearly, he's a bit out there, but if I was a retired old gay like him I'd have some fun too. Whatever. The owner calls our partnered trainer for a few sessions. A few weeks go by and for the third training session, he's not answering. Really weird for him, but we chalk it up to him avoiding roaming fees.

Our trainer finishes his allotted training since he didn't answer to add more. She calls multiple times for 3 days, and she wants the extra money. This is very important.

We get a call from one of Julius's emergency contacts since s in South America saying that Julius is going to be staying for another 3 weeks, and now his stay is two months. Mario has to pay us the current total to prevent abandonment, Joe's friend gets the money wired and the stay is extended, he's using Facebook Messenger as his communication method. So it takes a whole day to do this Totally get it when I got back to my home country. I do the same with Whatsapp. This is normal, this is fine! We extended the stay.

Three weeks pass and we get another call from the same agent, Julius is staying one more night, and Mario's flight got canceled. Annoying since the dog is nasty and a pest (affectionate) but we extend the stay.

He comes in to pick up his dog the next day straight from the airport (not that far it's maybe 20 minutes away). He starts chatting with the Manager, Assistant Manager, and me. He's talking about drinks food, and hotel price. He keeps making a point about the currency exchange rate. USD to COP. So cheap to him. The Assistant and I eye each other we're both Latino so this is annoying.

Then he starts ranking about how he hired security to escort him through all the major cities of the country, Medellin, Cali, and Bogota. All with heavily armored guards.

Our computers start fucking up so the invoice has to be inserted manually, my Manager does it. This is when he starts talking about how dangerous it was in Colombia, how that's why he hired guards ( he had pictures, lots of them, lots and lots). Now I'm uncomfortable. Colombia isn't as dangerous as he's making it out to be, normal people live normal lives and tourism is huge!

By then I'm praying to Jesus and his baby daddy too, as he admits to drunk driving and running over a dog. Then he starts calling the locals whores? How everyone was pimping out their kids and everyone and their mother were forced into sex work because of poverty. Everyone was greedy and envious. I'm trying not to leap over the counter and beat the shit outta this guy.

Then he starts talking about how the main purpose of his trip was to go find a husband. He was proposed to by 2 guys, he showed us the rings (ugly as the man wearing them) and emphasized again how "they were all so fucking greedy". How everyone wanted to talk and be near him because he was popular and had money.

I try to veer the conversation away from that but he goes back to the shit load of drugs and sex he had. My Assistant manager leaves around here.

Now for the pièce de résistance.

He starts detailing how he got KIDNAPPED by a "family" (I'll sell my left kidney if they actually were a real family)

He was fucking ransomed for 7K USD and proceeded to explain that he was kept subdued with sex. This explains his mystery absence and random ass extension AND how his friend was the only one who could be contacted. As well as the obscene amount of money paid in full to extend Julius's stay. This guy is fucking loaded and he was showing it off so much that someone noticed he's as stupid as they come and kidnapped him.

Sweet baby Jesus. But it gets worse.

He shows us proof. He sent his guards away because he wanted to have sex with a 20-something-year-old. By now he's showing off pictures of all the men he had sex with. Accidentally showed us nudes while showing off the cocktails he drank. And turns out! That the family had a father and son and he had sex with both of them. He implied a threesome. I suddenly wished I didn't know English.

I leave because I will laugh, and yell. I start asking my ancestors instead for guidance but instead they laugh as I am forced to back up front.

So I get to hear how he wants to move to Colombia. Apparently, he's moving there as soon as he sells his house here. Which….no words.

I go to the back again and work on cleaning rooms. Later when I go to the kitchen my manager is there and I make a comment about him. And here's the really fucked up bit, while he was explaining that he was both terrified and in love with his experience in Colombia my manager was like "Yeah I don't think I could go and have a time like yours" He looked her up and down, a willowy, average height blond blue-eyed white women in her 20s, and said "no way you be raped so bad" My hand went to my mouth I swore loud and she just shrugged.

This guy has a coke-fried brain, my god. Anyways, the dog just stayed with us again while he was in Colombia again, and luckily, we didn't have to deal with another checkout since he had his dog shipped over to Colombia via a company. Good luck to them both, and I hope the guy who marries him leeches him out of all his money and then some.

Planning the Itinerary

After a few evenings of careful planning, I have mostly figured out the plans for our (my) stay in Japan. And it's... insanely tight-packed. Let's hope I can actually follow through with it! Weather and exhaustion may force me to change my plans, unfortunately.

Day 0: Airplane time! Day 1: Naritasan Shinso-ji Day 2: Mt. Takao Day 3: Hiking in/around Isehara Day 4: Hiking in/around Isehara Day 5: Hiking in/around Isehara Day 6: Go to Kyoto / Kiyomizudera / Fushimi Inari Day 7: Universal Studios Day 8: Uji / to be decided Day 9: Nara Day 10: Katsuo-ji / Minoh Waterfall Day 11: Himeji / Hiroshima / Miyajima Day 12: Hieizan / Enryaku-ji / Return to Tokyo Day 13: Rest / Shopping Day 14: To be decided Day 15: Nikko Day 16: Kamakura Day 17: Shopping Day 18: Going home...

Booking hotels is still an ongoing process.

For the first few days, we'll be staying at my older brother's place in Setagaya (West-Tokyo). Then, I'll move on to a friend's place in Isehara (Kanagawa), while my husband stays where he is.

From there, we'll go to Osaka. Originally we planned to stay in Kyoto, but the options in Osaka were just so much cheaper. In the end, we went with a place that's not quite a hotel, but not quite an apartment either. It's a single room that comes with a tiny kitchen unit and seems to have a living room section. It does make me a little nervous it doesn't have any reviews yet on booking.com, but judging by the photos it looks super promising!

The place we'll stay at upon returning to Tokyo has yet to be decided. My husband is too stressed from work to make decisions on hotels. Hopefully, we'll have everything booked this weekend.

Itinerary notes

Day 1, day of arrival. Depending on how I feel after a 13-hour flight with very little sleep, the whole plan to visit Naritasan Shinso-ji may be canceled. Though I am curious if actually doing something engaging right after arriving will help me fight of the jet-lag.

Day 2, Mt. Takao. Usually, I would extend my hike to the mountains lying beyond Takao, but I probably will stick to going up and going down. And then spending the rest of the afternoon / early evening at the onsen next to the station. Not sure if my husband will come along for this trip. This is planned for today, because my brother's house is close (15 min. walk) to the Keio Takao Line.

Day 3-5, I'll be staying with a friend who lives near Isehara. The exact plans have yet to be decided, but it's going to be a lot of walking, hiking, and... probably an onsen visit (or two).

Day 6, I pretty much plan to copy this itinerary from my 2017 trip. I intend to modify it slightly, but I do intend to keep my hike from either Awata Shrine of Chion-In up to Higashiyama Park and then onwards to Kiyomizudera. I also want to visit Fushimi Inari in the evening/late afternoon again. After that it's onward to Osaka to check-in to our "hotel".

Day 7, we're going to Universal Studios. Because my husband really wants to visit Super Nintendo World. I am moderately interested too. (Let's pray we can get a timed ticket to get in...) And I wouldn't mind another visit to the Wizarding World. Absolutely loved that part the last time I visited. (I wonder if you still need timed tickets for that part too...)

Day 8-9, I originally considered visiting Uji and Nara on the same day, but after a bit of research I concluded Nara has a lot more to offer than I initially expected, so... I gave it its own day. Due to that, Uji ended up being a lonely morning activity, the afternoon will probably be filled with shopping. In Kyoto and Osaka. Probably. Unless I come up with something more enjoyable.

Day 10, Katsuo-ji and Minoh Waterfall. We have yet to decide which one to visit first. The only proper connection between the two seems a hiking trail, which isn't a problem for me, but might be a problem for my husband and his fear of heights. So, he kind of has to pick which one he absolutely wants to visit. Or follow me across a possibly very scary hiking trail. If time allows it, I may want to drop by Osaka Castle Park at the end of the day too. (I do not expect to enter the castle itself.)

Day 11, I'm quite certain it's absolutely insane, but I'll be visiting Himeji and Hiroshima in one day. In my case, it'll mostly be Himeji and Miyajima, while my husband will be visiting Hiroshima and Miyajima. I have yet to pick the hiking trails I want to explore. I'm pretty sure there is at least one I haven't tried yet.

Day 12, it's my birthday! And I'll be celebrating by visiting Otsu. Enjoying views of the lake (Biwa), climbing a mountain (Hieizan), and visiting a temple (Enryaku-ji). After all that is done, we'll catch a Shinkansen back to Tokyo.

Day 13, is the first day dedicated to rest. We'll sleep in and probably spend the afternoon shopping in Akihabara. And maybe a walk around Ueno park.

Day 14, I'm not sure what to do with this day yet. I don't want it to be just shopping. Maybe a visit to Kasai-Rinkai Kouen (Aquarium)? Or Odaiba (Miraikan)?

Day 15, although transit time will be excruciatingly long (roughly 3 hours), it's possible to visit Nikko without completely breaking the bank (1600 yen, one way). So, we might as well... I suppose. The last time I visited Nikko was in 2014!

Day 16, I can't go to Japan without visiting my all-time favorite place! I just love Kamakura! I will probably follow the Rokkoku hiking trail, grab a portion of the Tenen trail, and make my way over to the Asahina pass. I do want to drop by Enoshima too, but I'm not sure if I'll have time for that. My husband will have to fend for himself today. Even if he comes along to Kamakura, he won't be joining me for the hike, that's for sure.

Day 17, it's time to get the last bit of shopping done! I'll probably be rushing around Ikebukuro, Shibuya, and Harajuku today.

Day 18, airplane time! A whole day of traveling! So much fun!

(All plans are subject to change due to weather conditions)

Friendos please all pray that my Berlin flight doesn't get cancelled and that I get to the gig

my mind is a little crowded today.

i feel so many emotions.

let's start with B -

they randomly texted me this afternoon asking if they could watch stella this weekend. i love them, always. but this feels like a bad idea.

it's a bad idea because (1) when we communicate the language goes from sweet to shitty really quickly, and (2) if B did get disrespectful, it would be an issue for me and an issue for Ivy.

so I told them that I appreciated their kind way of asking but that i wasn't ready. it's sad for me to not allow this because i literally will always love them. i will always think fondly and warmly of the years when our lives were perfectly entwined - best friends, partners, inconceivable to be apart. and i am sad because i know that i was a part of making the decisions to end those daily connections. i was staying in because i didn't want to hurt them, but i knew i wasn't being true to myself. so there is still mourning there - still love that does feel lost. but i'm working to heal that wound. it does hurt sometimes. it does bleed just a little. i'm working to get to a place where i only smile on our memories and i'm not broken about them. i pray that B can get there too.

but i digress -

I needed Stella to be watched because this weekend i'll be out of town to see Candace in LA with K

which is annoying for a few reasons as well

1 - last week, candace last minute said she was cancelling the trip because she needed to go to ohio to see her grandma.... so i cancelled my flight, and then she said nevermind the grandma thing isn't happening. so i had to jump through hoops to rebook it. that's fucking stupid. i almost didn't rebook the tickets at all. it feels disrespectful of my time and energy. i don't appreciate last minute shit.

2 - today when we got on the phone Candace said we'll need to stay in an airbnb cause her sister is in town... which, considering we leave in 3 fucking days is also stupid. stupid as fuck if i'm honest. why am i now paying several hundred dollars extra because your family doesn't know how to plan? i'm annoyed already. i really fucking am. i'm trying to fix my attitude, but right now it's a stretch. and it's putting a fucking sour taste in my mouth about the whole trip.

and then there's Ivy. holy shit, fucking Ivy.

Ivy is a force of nature.

when she smiles, it feels like sunshine. like the pop of a champagne cork. like the longest, coolest sip of water hitting your dry lips on a hot day.

her arms feel like safety. like protection. like a warm cup of tea. the softest hoodie in your wardrobe. like a place i could call home.

she spoils me in all the ways i want to be spoiled. which at this point, isn't even with gifts but with affection. she does it perfectly without me ever having to ask. she does acts of service for me constantly - opening my doors, getting things for me so i don't have to get up, bringing me food, taking out the dog, anything. she showers me in words of affirmation - probably 5x a day she says "literally anything for you", she tells me i'm beautiful, how i'm smart, how she's inspired by me every day and that she prays for me. she gives me physical touch - her laughter is like medicine, the little taps on the nose, the tickling fingers across my ribs, the massaging of my back. she dedicates to me as much quality time is as physically possible. and she's gotten me thoughtful gifts multiple times in the one month that we've known each other... so that would be all 5 love languages.

but i'm scared. i guess i'm always scared.

i'm scared because it's so intense so fast. and the last time things were so intense so fast, i was fucking decimated. and i don't want that for me.

being with her feels so good, it's almost like a drug. and i've seen before how relationships like drugs turn into habits like addiction. really bad habits.

what if we hurt each other? what if things get ugly? what if we get jealous, or unsure, or unkind, or even mean?

i would hate for it to be that energy between us. i really would. and i'm honestly kind of scared of that too. i would never admit it aloud to her or anyone else, but Ivy's anger scares me a little bit too.

i know what it's like to come from a place of deep anger. maybe not as deep as hers, or maybe it was. but i know what it feels like to be blinded by rage. and while i never wish to judge her on any feeling she has, her actions when she's angry at her dogs scare me a lot. like a ton. it's hard for me to see that side of her with them, although i know she doesn't mean to. i know that with my whole heart. but it makes me scared of what she might do if she were ever inconceivably angry over me.

i've had many partners say they felt crazy over me at times. literally crazy. and for someone with BPD (even well managed, like Ivy's), i'm scared of what my presence might bring.

and i'm scared that i'll get hurt too. what if we're moving too fast? the critics will say i always have a girlfriend or i'm always talking to someone. well fuck it. i guess i am. what's so bad about that, anyway? does it make the love less real? does it make the memories less valuable?

i do know myself, for those who think i don't. and i'm with people because i love love. i love friend love, i love romantic love, i love family love, i love self love. i'm always working on love because it's why we're here on this earth - to experience great things, including love.

i am so ready for this adventure of life. i am working to walk with courage and confidence. i can't miss the universe's timing. it's written in clouds. the stars. in the heavens.

today i've had a lot of feelings. a ton. but i'm working on myself, and the journaling helps.

rec one fic and one blog to your followers and send this to five other people, let's spread the love during this impromptu hiatus! ❤️

i’m gonna cheat right now and maybe do a little shameless promo by saying all the fics in the to hell + back anthology are the bomb and my fellow mods/dear friends are killing it; i rec their blogs wholeheartedly: @justholdingstill, @casthewise, @dusky-rambles, @naruhearts, @ravenscat-tumbler, @destimushi and @thebloggerbloggerfun

The Craziest Thing I Did For Seventeen

I like planning things.

Ever since Ideal Cut and missing the chance to see them in 2018, I've been thinking of ways to fulfill my fangirl dreams without sacrificing my responsibility as a daughter and sister, and also my goals as a nurse.

Working in a private hospital doesn't give you lots of extra money for fangirling. My regular salary could only cover my daily expenses plus contributions for my family needs, so I could only save for my most awaited unannounced Seventeen concert by doing overtime, not using my holiday pay and saving my night differentials, plus super tight budgeting.

It took two years for them to finally announce "Ode to You" world tour. And this time, I'm planning on turning my plans into action.

But before that, I had to find ways to ensure that everything would go smoothly: first, is to arrange my schedule, second is to prove my parents that Seventeen is my drive towards success and not a distraction (because it it necessary for me to get their approval and I don't want them to think that I'm choosing Seventeen over practicality), and three, take my sister with me, because she's the reason why I saw them in the first place, now it's my turn to bring her to them. It's about time that I return the favor by chasing our happiness together.

Maktub.

The first one was resolved probably due to luck that I never knew I had.

Since I've already become a regular employee, I was entitled for an annual vacation, but my schedule was December 2019, while the concert was set on February 2020. I went to my nursing manager and asked if my vacation could be moved to February, but she said that it wouldn't be possible, since the date is fixed. But when she tried to check the schedule in the HR, conflict arised since 4 of us in the ICU department, have the same schedule, and due to under staffing, they needed to arrange it. I volunteered for my schedule to be moved to a later date and so February 1-15 was given to me as my vacation leave.

Lucky, right?

In my excitement, I already booked for the flight and hotel, a crazy impulsive decision that could only be paired with prayers, in hope that it would go the way I plan it to. (But in my defense I had to do it, because it's much cheaper if you booked it earlier than later)

-------------------------------------------------------

The second one was a challenge. How could I convince my parents that I know what to prioritize and that choosing Seventeen isn't impractical? The only answer I could find was to take the english proficiency exam that I was supposed to take 2 years ago, but doesn't have the guts to do it. I've already saved for the exam, but I always come up with excuses (or actually somewhat true) that I don't have time to study due to my work schedule.

But this time for Seventeen (and my nursing career), I'm willing to take a chance (although my non-risk taker self is shaking with anxiety).

It was late in November when I decided to book my exam, I was hoping to take it by December, but maybe God knows I'm still not prepared since I haven't studied intensively yet, that there was a conflict of schedule. My coworker already booked December, and since we're on the same shift, we must not be on leave at the same time. So, I booked the next available schedule, which is January, at least I still have a month to study for the test.

During night shifts, if I don't have anyhing to do, I would practice my writing, then on weekends I would practice my reading and listening. Everyday after duty, I would only sleep for about 6-7 hours, so that I could wake up then practice my speaking for 1-2 hours before my next shift.

Four days before my exam, I had to ask permission to be on leave, so that I could camp out at the site and buy my desired ticket. I had to study while waiting in line. Despite the long hours of waiting, I am determined and excited to finally buy my concert tickets. It also helped that Carats surrounded me, and I felt that I've really found my place. We met our mutuals, and chatted with our co-fans. It was a very memorable moment for me.

January 16,2020. Boo Seungkwan's Birthday and also the day of the exam. I was so nervous, and to calm my nerves, I silently prayed to God for guidance, I joked that "God if only the examiner would ask me about my favorite music, I would be sure that I could pass this exam, because I could talk about Seventeen all day". In my surprise, it was the first question for the first part of the exam. And that's when I knew that where God guides, he provides.

I believe that the universe is conspiring to help me achieve what I truly wanted the most. I passed the test with flying colors, and it helped me gain the approval of my mom to go to the concert.

But then 2020 strikes, and it seems that the pandora box was opened. Health threats due to the covid virus was rising, and everyone was worried that it would reach the country.

I knew the gravity of the situation, but I couldn't stop myself from wanting to go to the concert despite the fear. I started becoming desperate when most of the events were cancelled due to the pandemic.

I held onto that hope that God didn't let me achieve everything I did so far, just to break my heart. I already have the concert and plane tickets, and the hotel was already paid, but on top of all that, I didn't want to disappoint my sister, who wanted this so badly like I do, because after long years of waiting, she could finally have a chance to go home to Manila. Also, my friend, who has never been in any concerts (despite wanting to go), finally took the courage to do this for herself.

When Running Man announced the cancellation of their concert, which is one day after OTY. I couldn't help but cry. I feel like my world is falling apart. Without the fangirl side of me, I would just be my pessimistic, melancholic self who doesn't know how to have fun.

As if that's not bad news enough, due to the massive resignation in the Icu department, they had to rotate the ward staffs and place them in our department, and when they announced the name of the "new" Icu staffs, it feels like I've been struck by a lightning.

In my two years of working, I only had a conflict with two nurses from different departments: The girl who spread rumors about me and the senior nurse from my previous area who traumatized me during my junior days. So, how shocking was it that the newbies would be the both of them? I almost resigned right there and then.

But it only made my desire to go to the concert much stronger, because the only thing that could push me to work even in the most stressful environment with the most difficult co-workers would be Seventeen.

I felt so down as the days went nearer to the concert date. I felt that anytime they would announce the cancellation of the event, and I had to cancel everything I booked as well.

I wanted to tell myself that safety first, but the other side of me wanted to see them so badly...desperate even to risk and live presently without fear. I debated in my head that I would die faster working in the hospital rather than to a one-day concert.

I prayed to the Gods, even done some bargaining, so that we would all be safe to go to the concert. I would rather have toxic shifts with my toxic co-workers than to miss this concert. I was that desperate.

But Inang announced that the concert would push through.

*Insert happy tears and fangirl squeals*

I made the necessary preparations, so that I would ensure our safety. We brought n95 and surgical mask with us plus we take 1000 mg vitamin c everyday.

We encountered problems along the way such as the hotel canceling our reservation, even though I've already paid the downpayment, and heavy rains while searching for the hotel, but we made it.

We were able to sort out the problems, and enjoyed the day before the concert. We did some pilgrimage and went to Saem store where they did their fansigning event. We also stopped by their hotel, but just to look at the place.

On the day of the concert, we went inside the arena early, and was able to join the Carat activities. It was exhilarating to be on the same area as Seventeen, and I felt so ecstatic like I'm in cloud nine.

Although me and my friends were separated by barricade while we're looking for coffee, we still had a great time chatting with others.

Finally, we we're allowed to go inside and find our VIP seats. I was so overwhelmed, because of how close it was to the stage as compared to my previous lower box experience, that I couldn't stop from shedding happy tears. My sister was in awe, and I held onto her as I calm myself.

This is the moment I've been waiting for. Not only these past 2 years, but I think that I needed this for my whole life.

I cried once again after the concert. I was so happy. I've never been this happy in my life. Everything was worth it and I don't regret anything.

SepAnx was real, as me, my sister and my friend, cried during our flight back to the province. But despite the longing, we knew that February 8, 2020 will forever go down in the history as the perfect day when we were able to reached goals, and became the happiest fangirl in the universe.

Hopefully, we would be able to do this again when the world heals. And when that time comes, I hope we'll see them, all thirteen of them.

Ali & Ro

Ali: One of your kids is here??? Ro: Oh no! Ro: I double checked everyone was aware of the cancellations and everything Ali: You know what people are like, probably received but didn't actually read/listen to the message, like Ali: I'll quickly get in before ma can be her charming self any harder Ro: Thank you Ali: [allow time for that] Ali: Done Ali: Why'd you have to cancel anyway? Ro: Sadly I have yet to master being able to be in two places at once, especially when one of those places is so ridiculously far away Ro: What's more surprising though is that you've remained at home for long enough shepherd my pupil in and out for me without assumedly cursing Tess Ali: Ugh, I feel that Ali: until we're blessed with time-turners, we'll all have to muddle through Ali: and I've been there enough myself to guess where you are, so I won't pout about any potential adventures you could've been on Ali: everyone is DOA and MIA today, plus if I let her shout at me for long enough she might not ground me forever 🤞 Ro: Indeed Ro: Well, I can't deny that would be very much appreciated as I've been subjected to plenty of pouting already as things stand Ro: You can let her know that I'll be making my grand return soon enough which will at the very least give her another target should she desire one Ali: You can probably ignore him, he's just feeling the ill-effects of a 3-day bender, like Ali: some hydration and vitamin c and he'll be over it Ali: can't say the same of mother but my sins definitely outweigh yours Ali: though the offer is appreciated 💚 Ro: He's very much fine in that regard I'd been assured prior to my arrival and of course did my part to truly make it so by making him a late lunch or early dinner once I got there Ro: Regrettably, that offer was taken very much not in the manner it was intended Ro: The tally of my sins therefore apparently exceed the number of yours, in Drew's eyes at any rate Ali: Sounds like Drew Ali: you spoil him Ali: Caleb's mum made him work today, as he was too sick for school Ro: All I've spoilt is his afternoon seemingly Ro: Yet again, I'm a waste of time Ali: Hey Ali: don't take on his bad mood just 'cos he's mad he didn't get what he wanted Ali: you know it's bullshit Ro: None of his grievances are unfounded Ro: I shouldn't break promises Ro: Even if I did make them for less than ideal reasons Ali: No, but you know Ali: you have those reasons regardless Ro: And he has his own reasons to be upset Ali: Which you're clearly giving a fuck about Ali: so he owes you the same in return, yeah Ro: Of course, but his anger is fuelled by how much he does care, obviously Ro: It's because he likes me so much that he wants to take things further than they are Ali: Partly Ali: but I don't think anyone can say that that's all it is Ali: not to discredit how he feels in any way Ali: if anything, it takes into consideration all aspects Ro: He is the only one who can address that with any degree of clarity but its a conversation we're unlikely to have for a while Ali: I'm sure it won't be anything like that long Ro: That almost sounds as if you are in fact discrediting how he feels but I have no desire to get into a disagreement with you about the one I just had with him Ali: No, I'm saying he's nothing if not persistent Ali: trust me, he'll get over it if he has any sense Ro: It's less about the sense he possesses and more about the degree to which my own has abandoned me Ali: Do you regret the fact you didn't or regret the fact you were considering it? Ro: Both regrets somehow exist side by side and I have no idea how that can be Ro: Or which of the many internal voices vocalising my many mistakes I should begin to listen to Ali: Sounds about right Ali: are you in love with him? Ro: Yes Ali: Yeah Ali: it's Ali: the worst kind of headfuck Ali: amongst many other things Ro: What would you do in my place? Ali: About what Ali: specifically Ro: My next move Ro: He says I won't lose him but I know it's more likely than not Ro: Especially now that Carly has her own caravan to host in Ali: You shouldn't do it if that's the only reason why Ali: doing it because you're fearful of any outcome is just a bad idea Ali: it should always be primarily that you want to Ro: I do want to but I also don't want to Ro: It's complicated Ali: It is Ali: it might stop being complicated Ali: or you might do it before it does Ali: either of those is fine and valid Ro: What if it doesn't and I can't? Ali: You will Ali: if you want to, then you will Ali: I said it was the most important factor but definitely not the only, not even close Ali: it's complex but you know, like most things, stressing upon it will never make it less so Ro: I suppose Ali: It's like all this stuff isn't it Ali: thinking you'll never get your period and then it just happens Ali: we've all got our own pace for all of it Ro: And my pace is several steps behind always Ro: Maybe next time I should just go to the party Ali: Well his is coming up so Ali: you will be at that one Ro: Oh my god, don't remind me I haven't even begun brainstorming gifts yet Ali: 😂 Ali: you do have time Ali: but it might distract you from this worry so have at it Ro: You're so fortunate that Caleb's is ages away Ali: I know Ali: so much of me cannot hack that, I'd actually die Ro: After emerging from Carly's mostly unscathed, you could be forgiven for believing yourself immortal, I'm sure Ali: It was pretty hectic Ali: not sure if I'd say life-threateningly so but keep that between us Ali: could tell ma though Ali: keep her from hysteria Ro: I'll use that as my conversational opener when I come in if you'd like Ali: Subtle, cheers Ali: tell her there were no recreational drugs or pre-maritial relations too, whilst you're at it Ro: Carly would appreciate the lack of, I'm certain Ro: More so than Tess would my attempts at such a clearly crafted lie Ali: Can't win with her, like Ali: don't lead with that though Ali: even if that's a truth Ro: It's the kind of day I'm having Ro: I'll simply wish on everything possible that the losses extend to calories as well Ali: Don't waste the magic Ali: I know you skipped lunch Ro: You know because I told you I was busy running around after Drew Ali: Exactly Ro: Nonetheless, I've spent more time on this bus than anything else Ro: It's a pity I can't transfigure my bike here Ali: it seems like a good idea until it starts chucking it down halfway Ro: True, I'd be unlikely to garner any sympathy or permission for more time off from Tess even if I caught my death Ali: Seriously Ali: if she has to see any of us tomorrow at all, she might actually lose it completely Ali: what with Bea and Fraze being their delightful selves all weekend too Ali: the only ones not on the shit list rn are Tommy and Joe and that's only through absence Ro: Precisely Ro: Much like how the idea of finding birthday gifts for Drew is favorable after the nightmarish pursuit we all have to endure in order to provide something that Bea will undoubtedly dislike and return where possible Ali: 😂 s'why I kick it homemade Ali: good luck finding any takers for my sentimental tat, babe Ali: bless Ro: Alas the memory of my childish homemade cards finding their way to the recycling bin earlier than I feel necessary haunts me still Ro: Did Carly like what you made for her though? Ali: 😞 Ali: Yes, thankfully she's far more receptive and forthcoming with her thanks Ali: and the caravan looks amazing Ali: looked, I HOPE everyone kept out Ro: It would be difficult for her not to be, Bea, of course, is without competition in that regard Ro: I was impressed by the pictures despite being well aware of your artistic eye and resourcefulness in gathering materials Ro: Perhaps you should take and utilise all the magic yourself immediately Ro: Protection spells have been employed and succeeded for less Ali: True Ali: and a good idea to boot Ali: I better do it remotely Ali: aside from me leaving the house for anything but school and work rn being a deathwish, I'm not sure of the state I'd find the residents in, like Ro: Hm, yes arguably that is an even better idea Ali: Obviously, I do not plan to be her prisoner for long Ali: but for a great escape, I need even greater plans on the outside Ro: It would be my pleasure to extend such an offer, dear sister, but my own flight of fancy earlier did little else but backfire so it's best I stay under lock and key until I feel suitably chastised Ro: Either by Tess or myself Ali: Self-flagellation is next to godliness, of course Ali: I'll think of something Ro: I have no doubt that you will Ro: But whilst the subject of faltering has been raised, can I ask you something? Ali: of course Ali: scientia potentia est Ro: I was just wondering if you spent much time with Drew this weekend, that's all Ali: Not a huge amount Ali: but I saw him about, doing his thing Ali: if I saw anything like that I would've kicked his arse and told you Ali: in that exact order Ro: Okay Ro: Well, thank you Ali: Of course Ali: sisterhood before everything Ali: especially boys Ro: My favorite religion and the one to which I've been devoted to for the longest and most faithfully Ali: 💚 Ali: What's your ETA? Ro: 13 and a half minutes Ali: Ooh precise Ali: that'll please the jailer Ali: tell her 15 and you'll be back in the good books when you're arse is up the table without her even having to shout up the stairs Ali: 👍 Ro: I already told her 21 minutes so I have enough time to fix my face somewhere that isn't a very full bus Ro: She doesn't need to know that I've been crying Ali: 😕 Ali: Cold water fixes all Ali: we can talk about it properly after Ali: feels like forever Ro: It's not too late to pray for a summer storm Ro: Though it seems everyone misses me until they get the opportunity to spend time with me, so I might be wise to adjust my prayers accordingly actually Ali: Not everyone Ali: just him Ali: and just because he's mad Ali: we'll tea and talk, promise Ro: As long as you share too Ali: I gotcha Ali: you wanna hear all the fantastical and sordid exploits Ro: Fantastical yes, sordid not so much Ali: 😂 Ali: I'll do my best to spin the yarn into something comfortable and befitting Ali: don't worry Ro: Being guaranteed one less thing to overthink about will forever be appreciated Ali: That's my job Ali: one of Ali: labour of love, really Ro: tá mé i ngrá leat freisin Ali: 💚💚💚 Ali: right, I got a table to set Ali: not gonna know what's hit her Ali: Rock even agreed not to throw any spaghetti up the wall Ali: providing I buy him sweets for a week Ro: I'm in awe of your power whether or not she will be Ali: whether a six-year-old can stick to a deal is another thing Ali: did threaten him with a broken pinkie so 🤞 Ro: I'll likewise threaten him with the type of hex befitting a 6 year old promise breaker if needs be Ali: 💀🐸🐀🕯🥀💀 Ro: Our minds have always worked in similar ways, that's a truth which deserves to be universally acknowledged Ro: But for now, go Ro: There will be plenty of time for talking later

My flight got cancelled, had to reschedule to tonight. Pray this one doesn't get cancelled either. I need to get home to my kitties and my job.