Finals are done wahooooooo

Third Time’s the Charm

For just a four-week (and relatively gentle) cut, this most recent adventure was definitely more of a roller coaster than anticipated! It started and ended on relatively high notes, but with a great big dip in the middle. This was my third time through the Renaissance Periodization gauntlet, and the logistics feel pretty familiar by now, yet I still somehow manage to come away from each of these with progressively deeper insight into my own physiology. I feel like one of the official RP hashtags should be #alwayslearning! I've definitely posted a lot more in the Facebook groups than anywhere else lately, so this post is going to be long, even by my standards — apologies in advance! :) Quick background recap. I finished my second cut in late January 2018 with an all-time low scale weight of 133.7# — and also with a lot of metabolic and hormonal issues. I couldn't sleep, was freezing all the time, had a nagging back injury, my hair was falling out, I had through-the-roof anxiety, and I lost my period for nearly four months straight. The goals had been to (1) get my first ring muscle-up, and (2) get below 20% body fat (read: lean enough to eventually do a massing cycle), and while I did meet both those goals, it was clear to me in hindsight that I should have stopped that cut about 3-4 weeks sooner than I did. It was also clear that I subsequently needed a LONG maintenance period, both to let my body heal and to regain some of the barbell strength I'd lost over the previous year (while focusing on gymnastics and fat loss). The immediate post-cut period was a mixed bag. Physically, I certainly started feeling better in every respect. My back pain completely disappeared within a week, and I also ultimately got my muscle-up about two weeks AFTER the cut was over (a testament to the magic of a smaller body that is ALSO properly fueled!). Furthermore, I finally listened to my coach and began rating my workouts appropriately (generally 'Moderate', not 'Light') in terms of my carbohydrate consumption, which helped performance and recovery tremendously. However, despite a fairly slow and careful reverse-diet progression, the scale definitely climbed higher than I'd hoped — my Cut Week 12 average had been 135.8#, and I finally plateaued at 140-141#. Objectively, I'm 5'5" with an athletic build (and literally haven't been in the 130s since puberty), so this wasn't unreasonable on the part of my biology by any means, but after 12 weeks of such close analysis of scale data, it took a while for my brain to settle down about it. However, in mid-April, performance finally started to hit its stride — I was still feeling pretty light and efficient on gymnastics, and when we tested a few barbell maxes, I shocked myself by easily recapturing almost all of my old numbers (most of which had been attained more than a year earlier, when I was 30-35# heavier) and even exceeding a couple (crushed my overhead squat PR by 15 lb!). After that, I finally accepted that the 140-142# range seemed to be a good all-around functional spot for me. And then I went to Cuba, on the same wonderful health professionals' trip that I took last year. Leaving aside the mojitos, beaches, and classic cars, one unfortunate wrinkle to this year's trip is that almost every single one of us developed some degree of GI issues. Apart from being rather irked that my famously iron gut had let me down, what this meant in a practical sense was that I could barely eat for almost a week (while still doing a ton of standing, walking, and other low-level activity). I had rolled my eyes at myself while obsessively packing a cache of nonperishable RP-friendly snacks, but I was ultimately grateful that I had done so, because I knew I needed to at least force myself to gag down a casein shake every night no matter how nauseated I was! I came home having dropped back to 138-139# territory — and, in hindsight, I think this served as a 'mini-cut' in the true sense of the word, in that it predisposed me to gain weight. I wasn't fully recovered from the metabolic aftereffects of my previous cut (had literally just gotten my period back for the first time while we were in Cuba... because of course that would happen), and so that week of unintentional severe restriction, combined with (undoubtedly) a major shift in gut flora, PLUS my coach putting me on a strength cycle... well, it was the perfect storm to lead to a bit of a rebound weight gain. I had stopped checking the scale daily or even weekly at this point, but throughout late May and early June, most of the numbers I saw on my spot checks were in the 143-146 range. Beyond just the scale, my clothes were also starting to fit differently (my hard-won 34C bras were getting a bit tight), gymnastics were feeling tougher than they had in months, and I was suddenly feeling self-conscious in my gym clothes. Something had to be done — but with the aftereffects of January still fresh in my mind, and with heavy barbells now the focus of my training, I had more than a little PTSD about the idea of embarking on yet another cut. The quirk of fate that provided my 'accidental' acceptance to the 2018 New York City Marathon (which is a whole other story) is what ultimately nudged me into pulling the trigger. I’ve run marathons before, but not since starting 1:1 CrossFit programming or since following RP. Knowing that a shift in my training would be coming soon, I posted a question in the RP Endurance group about my situation. I had the vague idea of combining a cut with the early or middle phase of the marathon training plan, when a calorie deficit would be easier to hit. One of the endurance coaches promptly replied — with exactly the opposite of what I'd expected to hear. "Cut now. Start today. Finish as far out from the marathon as possible." I blinked for a second, and then it clicked. For some reason, it took someone ELSE saying it to trigger the light bulb. Of course. For goals like mine — maintenance of strength and muscle mass — heavy barbells are actually the perfect time to cut. Marathon training, by comparison, would be the WORST time for someone like me to cut, because although the scale would certainly drop, I'd also be a lot more likely to lose precious muscle along with fat. I started back on strict Base the very next day. If nothing else, this made me very aware of all the tiny luxuries I'd managed to work in — no more extra glasses of milk, sneaky spoonfuls of PBfit, or "tastes" of Reddi Whip squirted directly into the mouth! :) However, because I was still fearful of pushing the limits too far and knew that I objectively didn't have very much weight to lose, I also set myself some parameters. My three 'hard stops' were that I wasn't going to go below 138#, wasn't going to extend the cut beyond 8 weeks, and wasn't going to utilize the third/harshest phase of the cutting plan (since slashing carbohydrates would be counterintuitive to my performance goals). Week 1 Starting weight: 147.2 lb Week 1 Average: 144.2 lb The first thing I noticed was that my mental state calmed down tremendously. I hadn't fully acknowledged how much this situation had been worrying me, and I had also forgotten how lovely the 'control' of a cut can feel. From day one, I was no longer afraid of the number on the scale, because now — rather than being passive (and therefore frightening) information — it was a tool that I could use to make changes. Further, I knew I got to look forward to watching it go DOWN! :)

I also knew I had a peak week programmed in (what would have been) Week 5 of this cut, so every time the scale showed a number that was higher than I'd hoped, I felt an odd mix of disappointment AND reassurance that "at least that's more mass with which to move the barbell!" Oddly, I think the fact that I had a rationale for not entirely WANTING to see a massive scale plunge helped me to approach this whole thing with a bit of a healthier mental state. The second thing I realized during this first week is that I had drifted further from my templates than I'd thought. In many instances, I was habitually shorting my fats and (not always consciously) exceeding my prescribed carbs. I made sure to write this down, so I could correct it when I started to work my way back up towards Base; however, I also didn't re-add all the fats I had dropped, because that seemed like a silly thing to do in the first stage of a *cut*. As such, my first week of this adventure was spent on an imaginary 'gray zone' tab that I named 'Cut 0.5'. :) This first week was, honestly, pretty smooth sailing. My parents had been in town for a visit, and we'd eaten at a couple of restaurants, so my starting weight of 147.2# was a bit artificially inflated; however, this meant that I had a very gratifying water weight drop across the first week (five pounds!). This made my clothes start to fit better AND my gymnastics feel instantaneously better, both of which were big morale boosts. I started to wonder if maybe, just maybe, I might be able to knock this out in six weeks instead of eight. Week 2 Average: 143.8 lb This was where the plateau started to hit; that lovely five-pound drop was (naturally) followed by a RISE of 4# across 4 days. This was partly being driven by hormones (PMS week), but in a shorter cut like this, you don't wait around if you don't have to. Midweek, I could tell that my average was going to stagnate, so I went ahead and moved onto the first fat loss tab. This impacted my sleep almost immediately (hello darkness my old friend...), and also led to that annoying, familiar feeling of weakness and shakiness on non-training days when carbs were low. However, in general, I continued to feel pretty good — handstand push-ups in particular were suddenly feeling awesome, and although barbells FELT noticeably heavier, my hard numbers hadn't actually backslid. I had two notable non-scale victories in week two. First, I had two unavoidable restaurant meals in the span of 4 days (a dinner and a post-workout breakfast), wherein I managed to (1) stay compliant and (2) calmly enjoy myself and my company in the process, feeling neither deprived NOR the usual overwhelming creeping dread about the unpredictability of the food in front of me (green salad with grilled shrimp/veggies for the dinner, an egg white omelet with salsa, veggies, and toast for the breakfast). It sounds so simple, but I just never learned how to do that very well on my first couple of cuts — how to simultaneously make good nutrition choices in a social setting AND truly FEEL okay mentally about those choices, rather than anxious or apologetic or defensive or self-conscious. This set of coping skills would have been a worthy takeaway no matter where the scale ended up. Second, this week made me recognize and appreciate the value of cycle tracking. Losing my period for so long after my last cut was admittedly nice on one level, but was also incredibly annoying, because I had no hormonal context in which to confidently interpret my day-to-day physical and mental fluctuations. That experience prompted me to start paying MUCH closer attention to such things during maintenance, and now that I have a couple months' worth of notes, I absolutely see a very strong correlation between where I am in the month and how I feel (both gym-wise and mood-wise). It's pretty neat to write a description that says (for example) that I woke up roasting hot overnight, or the scale went up, or my mood was calmer than I expected, or my skin started breaking out — and then flip back to the previous month and realize I'd written the exact same thing on the exact same cycle day then, too. In addition to being just plain cool information (female bodies are weird and frustrating and also kind of incredible!), this is also extremely comforting, because it reminds me that I often have additional reasons to feel 'off' that aren't necessarily directly correlated to cutting. 

Week 3 Average: 142.1 lb This third week was where I really started hurting. Training started to feel like utter garbage — I could still hit my expected/prescribed numbers on MOST things, but it was taking significantly more physical and mental effort to do so, and every so often I'd run headlong into an unexpected wall. Despite ZMAs and melatonin and even the occasional Flexeril, I couldn't sleep through the night at all anymore. My right shoulder got 'tweaked' and refused to calm down (much the same as my low back had done, during my second cut). And non-training days felt absolutely horrible — I wasn't "hungry" per se, but I felt persistently weak, and would get lightheaded every time I stood up. I checked my BP at work on one such occasion, and it was way down at 86/63.

Part of me was sufficiently freaked out that I almost wanted to go ahead and call it right here — not because I was struggling with hunger or cravings, but because I was extremely leery of (potentially) losing muscle or impacting performance without (by this point) any particularly good reason for continuing to do so. However, I also knew that the wise RPer overshoots slightly, when feasible. I was also able to recognize the fact that, since I'd already made the mistake once of not stopping a cut when I should have, I was probably a bit hypersensitive to discomfort this time around, from the perspective of not wanting to make the same error twice. I decided I had at least one more week in me. And this third week wasn't all bad: I practically danced a jig when I started my period (on time!), because I knew it would be sending the scale on another nice downward trend. This was also the week when I started to feel really good about my physical appearance — which I guess shouldn't have surprised me, but did, probably just because my first two cuts had felt like such long slow slogs. But the very reason that this one was shorter was because I didn't NEED to lose very much — and it was definitely gratifying to feel this degree of satisfaction so early in the process, comparatively speaking. I also measured myself this week and compared the numbers to my old log, which made me realize that — though I was (fortunately!) not as tiny as I was at the very end of my second cut, I was generally matching up with where I'd been about three weeks from its end — at a point when I had weighed (wait for it) 138#, a.k.a. the weight I had picked as my 'hard stop'! Given this — essentially the same measurements as before, while also 4# heavier — I realized I'd probably increased my lean body mass significantly during maintenance (hooray!), and therefore should probably adjust my boundary lines accordingly.  After some thought, I decided the cutoffs should be: — an average of 140# (rather than 138#) — since, along with performance, my other highest priority was (and is) muscle preservation. If I was measuring the same at 142# as I had been at 138#, then willfully cutting all the way to 138# this time might have been flirting with the edge of diminishing returns. — a maximum of SIX weeks rather than eight — because, the shorter the cut, the less it would spill over into marathon training (which was *definitely* the setting where I'd be more likely to lose muscle). — a plateau on the FIRST cutting tab, or possibly a 'gray zone' of tab 1.5, rather than going fully onto the second tab... a decision that was also related to my impending marathon training. I have a prior history of metatarsal stress fractures as it is, and hence am highly motivated to NOT screw up my hormones again at the moment, which made me reconsider the wisdom of dropping my fats all the way down to 7g/day (as I'd have done on the second tab). All of the above is perfectly reasonable from every angle. However — although I didn't quite say so out loud — in my mind, by the end of this third week, I had already made the decision to call it at the end of week 4. That certainly wasn't how I'd initially planned for this adventure to go, but I was feeling rotten, I had a peak week coming up, and it was seeming pretty obvious that the cutting process was serving neither my body nor my priorities very well. Privately, as this week drew to an end, I was feeling like a bit of a failure, knowing that I was going to ‘quit’ sooner than I had planned. I'm accustomed to thinking of myself as 'strong' on all levels, more than capable of pushing through discomfort — and the cutting process is pretty familiar to me at this point, not particularly difficult or intimidating anymore — so I truly did not expect to be experiencing the physical effects quite so strongly at this stage of the game. Even though it wasn't a terribly logical thing to feel, I was definitely more than a little disappointed in my body for 'letting me down'.  However, this is one arena where my loquaciousness served me well; I started writing a blog post about the negative things I was feeling — and by the end of it, I had convinced myself that (1) it's also a victory to recognize the point of diminishing returns and know what the responsible decision is, and (2) the fact that I was 'feeling' the cut this strongly this time could, in fact, be viewed as a direct reflection of the tremendous progress I've made in my training over the past year, how very hard I'm working every day, and how well my current baseline nutrition habits are serving me. In other words, the major impact I feel when I mess with my homeostasis is itself a testament to the healthy habits I've developed in SUPPORT of that homeostasis. Looking at it that way made me feel better.

Week 4 Average: 140.2 lb Nadir: 138.3 lb ...So then, of course, things immediately improved. :) The gym started feeling closer to normal, AND the scale took a nosedive (both of which always happen in cycle week 2 — note to self: structure ALL future cuts this same way! :)). I also saw a new sports massage guru for my shoulder, who did some cupping (which I'd never had before — interesting experience) and was able to help the discomfort pretty significantly. It's not gone, but it's better, and I bet a few days of higher calories will be the tipping point. As per my mental wrestling match last week, I was always going to choose to stop today, regardless of the numbers. HOWEVER... my average for this week has ultimately ended up being 140.2#, with this morning's weight being the lowest I've seen so far, 138.3#. Meaning, based on my parameters above... it's officially time to stop ANYWAY! ...Which just makes me laugh and shake my head at the workings of the universe. :)

Numbers: This Cut: — Starting weight (Day 1): 147.2# — Ending weight (Day 28): 138.3# — Highest to lowest: down 8.9# — Weekly averages: down exactly 4# across 4 weeks — Inches: down 6" total (1" off bust, under-bust, and hips; 1.5" off waist and belly) DEXA, January 2018 vs July 2018: — Weight (on their scale): up exactly six pounds since January, from 134.8 to 140.8 — BUT, get this — LEAN mass has INCREASED by SEVEN pounds since January (!), AND — body fat is also DOWN another 1.5% since January (from 18.6% to 17.1%)... which is probably primarily from the efforts of these past four weeks. I mean... I'm just saying... it basically doesn't get better than that! Takeaways:  — As I mentioned, the process of strictly dialing in my macros again has definitely helped me identify some places where I'd drifted further from template on maintenance than I should have (often shorting fats and exceeding carbs). Since I haven't left FL1 on this go-round, I'm now in a very good position for a 'controlled reentry' over the next couple of weeks, which will be a chance to correct this and hopefully end up with EVEN MORE FOOD/calories on my new base. As of today, I could technically jump to New Base all in one go — but in the interest of optimizing the final macro result (and rebounding as little as possible, weight-wise), I'm going to split it into two jumps of about 150-200 calories apiece. I'm sure I'll end up adjusting as I go, but my tentative plan for right now is to add 1.5 servings fat to NTD, and 0.5 serving fat plus 20-25g carbs to training days (to bring me back to ‘Light-Plus’ territory); the second jump (in probably 1-2 weeks, depending on what the scale does) will be adding back the rest of the fats. — Related: this experience also confirmed for me that, on maintenance, I was definitely rating my workouts correctly as (for the most part) Light-Plus or Moderate. I don't discount the RP approach of resistance training being the primary driver of ratings; however, my personal experience (yet again) is that INTENSITY matters also. I'm on the 2.0 version of the templates, meaning my first tab has only cut my fats, not carbs — but I've rated almost every single day as Light for these past four weeks, and in terms of how beat up and under-recovered I've felt, I do think the carb deficit has likely played just as much of a role as the overall calorie deficit. — We all know this already, but I think my degree of success here really speaks to the power of a long maintenance in terms of repairing our metabolism. Last time, I saw zero change on Base, then plateaued on FL1 in the middle of Week 4 and had to move to FL2 for the remaining 8+ weeks of the cut. This time, after five months of maintenance, I actually LOST a bit of weight on Base (!), and then Week 4 was where I saw the overall BIGGEST scale drop... without ever leaving FL1. — Going forward, I'll be very interested to see how well this all 'sticks' — how the degree of rebound compares to previous cuts. For obvious reasons, mentally and logistically, I found this cut DRAMATICALLY easier than either of my first two, so it'll be useful information to know whether a commitment this short in duration actually has any lasting effect to make it worthwhile as a potential future approach. (Based on this experience, if I keep training at this level, I also may need to give a bit more consideration to trying 1:1 for future cuts.) — Overall, I definitely 'got what I needed' out of this, which is: back to feeling proud of my body in all respects — happy with the fit of my clothes, with my visual appearance, and with my performance. I mean, we always want to push the envelope just a bit further — the hints of actual abs that I've been able to see this week are admittedly tantalizing! — and I certainly COULD push further if that were the priority, but right now, it isn't. And after all the ups and downs of the past few years, it's comforting on some level to know that "this is all I had to do" in order to get back to a place where I'm at peace with my body. Although this won't be my first marathon, the training for it is going to be a brand-new learning curve now that I'm on individualized CrossFit programming as well as following RP, and it'll be a huge help to know that I'm starting from the best possible place, physically speaking. — Also, although it may sound a bit silly, it's oddly mentally reassuring to know that I seized this opportunity to 'dial it in' and shave off just a couple pounds during an (admittedly brief!) window when it logistically made sense to do so. The scale is fickle and the amount of actual fat loss was certainly small — but I won't have the opportunity to cut again for another few months, and knowing I did everything I reasonably could during THIS phase — not to mention, everything I learned from that stellar DEXA result! — lets me feel a bit more emotionally okay about fueling my body purely for training and performance over the challenges to come. It's gratifying to watch the swing of this pendulum get progressively narrower as I hone in on the ideal spot in terms of both appearance and performance. Honestly, in so many ways, I barely recognize myself compared to a year ago. I'm happy right here, and this is a great spot to sit and breathe for the moment, but I'm also already curious — and optimistic — about whatever may come next. #massing? ;)

My 2020

Well, 2020 is nearly over with and what a year it has been.

No one could never have imagined what type of year it would turn out to be but how has 2020 been for me ?

Well, read on if you want to know......

At the end of 2019 you may remember that I was waiting to hear what the outcome of the assessment of my Employment and Support Allowance was going to be - whether they were going to keep me on it or take me off and put me back onto Jobseekers Allowance as mentioned in this blog:

My 2019 - https://itspaulc1stmy2019.blogspot.com

The good news was that I was awarded it for another 18 months.

At the beginning of the year, just after Christmas, two new support workers started working with me - one to help me with my hoarding and one to help me with losing weight by going on walks together and I got on fine with both of them.

For the first couple of weeks I started to tackle my spare bedroom with one of my support workers and with the other one I would go on walks around the block.

At the end of January I had my annual trip to London for the NATIONAL TELEVISION AWARDS but, rather than stay one night and come back the day after the awards like I would normally do, I booked up an extra few nights and ended up staying until the Friday which was 31st January for which I will reveal further in this paragraph.

This year’s NATIONAL TELEVISION AWARDS was special as it was the 25th year of the awards and my 19th year of coming - I came in 2001 then from 2003 to the present day. Admittedly though, I think it was a mistake getting David Walliams in to host the show as he wrecked the show.

The day after the awards I slept in for a train I had booked to go somewhere but, luckily, one of the customer service advisors at Kings Cross booking office allowed me to go on a later train and I went and visited a crime scene in Newark that I was interested in.

On the Thursday, the 30th January, I had been lucky enough to get a ticket to be in the audience of the last ever Brexitcast which was recorded especially in front of a live audience at Broadcasting House in London.

The day I checked out of my Travelodge, Friday 31st January, was the day the U.K. finally left the E.U. so I wanted to soak up some of the atmosphere in Parliament Square.

On the way there I went and visited Dockhead Fire Station which was the real life fire station used in LONDON’S BURNING.

Last time I visited the original station was there but the original building had been knocked down and in its place was a brand new building.

I then went to Borough Market to get a fat lad’s breakfast from Maria’s before going on to Parliament Square.

It was nice soaking up the atmosphere there and watching the celebrations plus the people protesting that we were leaving the E.U.

I left Parliament Square as the crowds were getting busier and went back up to my Travelodge to get my bag before heading to Kings Cross to get my train home after the end of another annual holiday in London.

In February I knuckled down with my two support workers.

The week after I got back from London I did a long walk for me from the amusements at Whitley Bay to St. Mary’s Lighthouse.

With the other support worker I knuckled down washing dishes in the kitchen and sorting out my spare bedroom.

At the beginning of March I had my first trip up to Seahouses and out to the Farne Islands with Billy Shiels Boat Trips which was nice to get out on as the boat was practically empty because it was still fairly cold.

The following week I was up at Seahouses again to do a dolphin watch with Coast Care at Stag Rocks but nothing appeared apart from some seabirds.

The last week of March should have been celebrations for me as I was 40 on 26th March but a major event happened on 23rd March.

Boris Johnson announced that the U.K. was being placed into lockdown where you weren’t allowed to leave your house unless it was necessary and only one piece of exercise per day because of the coronavirus that had hit our country as well as the whole world.

On my Birthday, I was getting ready to go around to my Mam and Dad’s for a Birthday tea when my doorbell rang.

I was in the shower and shouted asking who it was but no answer.

When I opened my front door after getting ready there was a packed lunch in a brown paper bag and a note from my neighbours next door explaining they both worked for the NHS so were self-isolating but if I needed anything, to put a note through their door.

When I got home I wrote a thank- you note explaining it was my 40th and a lovely gesture as well as the fact that I have autism.

The following day there was a card with a £15 Amazon voucher for me.

I also got an Easter Egg off them - for which I returned the favour - and continued getting packed lunches until lockdown restrictions were eased.

To these two neighbours - cheers. You know who you are. 😉

During lockdown, up until the end of April, I kept seeing the support worker who was helping me with my hoarding but I cancelled her at the end of April as I was struggling to pay the care bills.

For my own mental health during lockdown I tried to keep up a routine for myself.

As many of you will know, I suffer from autism with anxiety which the two blog links below will explain:

My autism - http://itspaulc1stmyautism.blogspot.co.uk

My anxiety - https://itspaulc1stmyanxiety.blogspot.com

and part of the restrictions put in place by the Government back in March during the strict lockdown was to only do essential travel.

But what may be essential travel to someone may not be essential travel to someone else.

Up until lockdown started I used to go into town and have a wander around Eldon Square late night shopping as part of a routine.

During lockdown, however, because Eldon Square was shut, as was the majority of the shops in town - only essential shops were kept open such as newsagents with post offices, food shops and D.I.Y. shops.

To keep a routine for myself I would go into town, get off the bus at the Haymarket, walk around to M and M’s newsagents (which has a post office) and use this newsagents which I used before lockdown.

I also started off another hoard during this pandemic which is continuing to this day, a collection of newspapers with headlines of the coronavirus on as it is such a unique event.

By going into the town, because I live by myself, it was giving me a bit of a routine with my autism and getting me out of the flat.

Some people were criticising me for this saying I could have been unknowingly spreading the virus but I had to weigh up both my mental health and risk that I may be spreading it as I have never felt unwell and, to me, my mental health won.

During lockdown, in April, I also had a reassessment for my Personal Independent Payment which was extended for another four years.

During the first lockdown happening during the Spring it was nice to go out onto my balcony either early morning or late evening when everything was quiet and just appreciate the birds on the field my flat overlooks or bats flying around on an evening or the odd fox or hedgehog even.

With it being lockdown it was also a lot quieter than usual which was nice.

The dolphin trips with Northern Experience Wildlife Tours were supposed to start in May this year but were pushed back to June and, because of social distancing with the coronavirus, I couldn’t get on as many trips as the passengers were limited but they were good to get out on when we did get out.

I would also normally go out on dolphin trips on the Ocean Explorer through Billy Shiels Boat Trips but they have all been cancelled this year as the Ocean Explorer is a RHIB and you can’t social distance on a RHIB.

Another thing I would normally do during the summer would be to go out with Billy Shiels on some of the evening dive trips just sitting on board whilst the divers were in the water but because you had to wear face masks on those trips and I didn’t feel comfortable wearing one I missed out on those trips.

Another thing I missed out on during this year because of the lockdowns was my volunteering taking photos for the Springfield Centre in Forest Hall and for Friends Action North East.

I will hopefully start volunteering next year again.

In May and June I met Andy Tait a few times down the coast to do dolphin watches at Cullercoats.

I did get in a couple of trips with Billy Shiels Boat Trips out to the Farne Islands in both August and September but by this time the birds had gone so there was only seals left to see which I like seeing.

In November I had my wisdom tooth taken out which I should have had done in February and then March but, because of the coronavirus, it was pushed back to November.

After having it taken out I came down with an infection which left me in severe pain but I am now recovered from it.

That more or less brings me up to date to now.

As I write this blog on New Years Eve we have been placed into Tier 4 restrictions again by the Government which means we are back to square one and where we were in March when we went into the initial lockdown with the Government not having a clue how to handle the coronavirus.

Yes, the vaccines are available but how long until all of this goes away ?

So that was my 2020 during a strange year in a nutshell.

Before I sign off I would just like to thank some people who have supported me in 2020:

1.) My family - my Mam and Dad, three brothers, two sister-in-laws and nephew and niece. I know I sometimes argue with my brothers and my Mam and Dad but they are there for me. As for my two sister-in-laws. Cheers for putting up with me. For my nephew and niece. You are always lovely to be around even if I sometimes find it too hard to cope with.

2.) My friends and neighbours for helping me cope during lockdown.

Special thanks has to go to five of them especially:

i.) Ellie - You are there if I need to moan to about my autism especially after understanding me and my routine during this difficult year of lockdowns.

During lockdown I remember video messaging you and you told me you had been annoyed with me about going to town during lockdown but you told me you are learning how difficult my autism is and how I see the world different which is true and raises my point that what may be essential to someone may not be essential to someone else.

Cheers Ellie. 😉

You are my zebra. 😉

ii.) Julia - Although I don’t see you often I know you are always at the end of a text if I need help.

You have also FaceTimed me a lot during lockdown which has been much appreciated.

Cheers Julia. 😉

iii) Mark - I know Mark from t.v. and film sets and he was one of the first people who rang me to check up on me in March when we entered lockdown.

He knew I lived by myself and rang me to check in on me and see how I was which I appreciated a lot and he has made repeated phone calls most weeks.

Cheers Mark. 😉

iv) Steph - for knowing I could knock on you if I needed support early on during lockdown.

v) Rose - for being there for chats during lockdown. They have helped.

To my friends I haven’t seen this year:

i.) Liz - I first became friends with you on the Ocean Explorer three years ago and it’s always nice to catch up when you are up here camping to go on boat trips with.

We’ll hopefully get out on more next year.

3.) For my mental health:

i.) Ben Burville and Alan Leatham on Ocean Explorer for the pelagic trips.

The trips may have been cancelled this year but we’ll hopefully get out next year again.

I may have my favourite seat at the back but that’s my comfort zone and I love going out trying to spot the cetaceans in the Farne Deeps.

ii.) Martin Kitching for the pelagic trips ran from the Tyne on board the JFK Two through Northern Experience Wildlife Tours. Even if we don’t see anything it’s escapism on the boat and nice to see the coast from a different point of view.

Hopefully I can get back in my comfort area inside the wheelhouse in 2021 after it was out of bounds this year because of the coronavirus.

iii.) Everyone at Billy Shiels boat trips. I love the trips to the Farne Islands. It’s escapism for my mental health and, once the world is safer, I will get up there for more adventures next year.

5.) Lorraine from Safe and Healthy Homes at the council.

Lorraine - You first dealt with me in 2016 when I first got help from your department after my autism diagnosis when I said I needed help with my flat for my hoarding.

You are there if I ever need help and it has helped a lot for chats during lockdown. Cheers. 😉

6.) The staff at M and M news in Newcastle for putting up with me during lockdown and helping me with my new hobby.

To finish off this blog I would just like to say that this year has shown, during good times and bad times, people are always there for you.

All I have to say is see what 2021 brings......