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zephyrkiss · 2 years

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( avan jogia, he/him, cis male ) careful, hayden modi has arrived to the city of dreams!! they look twenty four years old and word on the street is they are from montreal, canada and currently reside in lower east side. they are currently living life in the city as a bartender. one thing they never want anyone to find out is he lost his daughter recently. too bad nothing remains a secret for long even in the city of dreams. some people say they are closed off, but i think they are charming. welcome to the city of dreams, hayden! we hope you enjoy your stay!

tws for child death, cancer, self mutilation, depression, suicidal thoughts, drug abuse and addiction

basic stats ;

full name: hayden rajat modi nicknames: only goes by hayden, claims he’s too ‘unoriginal’ for nicknames gender: cis male height: 6 ‘ 0 age: 24 birthday / zodiac: october 21, 1997, libra sun ( libra - scorpio cusp , or the ‘cusp of drama and criticism’ ), sagittarius moon, gemini rising right handed or left handed: right handed eye color: brown hair color: black piercings and tattoos: both ears pierced ( hoop piercings ), a cartilage piercing on his left ear, the name ‘hayley’ tattooed on his right wrist with an angel sexuality / romantic orientation: bisexual / biromantic place of birth: montreal, canada hometown: montreal, canada languages spoken: french ( canadian french, native tongue ) and english three things he likes: getting high, the beatles, long walks by the ocean three things he dislikes: when the party ends, the mere idea that nothing is forever, being alone with his thoughts five aesthetics: pictures of hayley, drowning out your sorrows through narcotics, eating at denny’s at ungodly hours drunk off your ass, dried up tears, being the actual life of the party last four songs listened to: black summer by red hot chili peppers, cigarette smoke by arctic monkeys, i’m so tired by the beatles, glass onion by the beatles

background story ;

hayden was the fourth born child of rajat and kimmy modi, out of eight other brothers and sisters, being the ultimate middle child

despite having so many kids, his parents payed attention to each and every one of them, never leaving a kid out like some parents with multiple children did. this had it’s ups and downs, but mostly downs ( in hayden’s opinion ). his parents were super strict and very old school, close minded people, which is something that drove hayden insane

now, they weren’t bad parents per say, but hayden thought they were overbearing. they had rules he found really dumb like no skirts below the knee for girls, everyone had a curfew at nine pm, they weren’t allowed to date until after they moved out of the house, no people over until they’ve met their parents, their parents had to approve of all the clothes they wore, no tattoos, piercings or dying your hair, and one that hayden really hated in particular? him and his brothers were always forced to keep their hair as short as they could, as his parents didn’t allow them to have longer hair

these were just some of the rules they had, because there were plenty more , each one more ridiculous and strict than the last. hayden grew up being that friend that couldn’t go out unless his parents met your parents, wasn’t allowed out on school days at all, pretty much had all these rules he had to follow which he hated. he was that friend that you could never really hang out with outside of school because it was either one, too hard to do so, or two, he simply wasn’t allowed

it was overbearing, and while he understood that his parents did all of this because they cared, it actually made hayden resent them, because he felt like he had no actual free will around them. they wanted to control everything, know every little detail, and he couldn’t stand it

so, if you guessed it, he started acting out at an early age, but…. secretly, of course. he always kept everything he knew they wouldn’t approve of a secret, which was hard to do with the amount of siblings he had and how much his parents were on his ass, but he managed to do so. honestly, his parents’ rules did nothing to help keep him in place. if anything, being guarded so much and restricted like that made him want to do all the wild things his parents were so afraid of him doing, so, that’s just what he did

while he was smart enough to keep his grades up, his social life was mostly kept a secret because his parents would never approve. hayden started wilding out the second he became a teenager. thirteen was basically his year!

this is the first time he tried alcohol and cigarettes, his first kiss, the first time he snuck out, all the things his parents didn’t want him doing, he began doing at this age, of course, all secretly, but he still did them

by the time he’s sixteen, he meets a girl he would soon fall head over heels in love with. her name was hanna hanna was basically everything his parents wanted him not to be, everything they hated, and even with their ‘no dating’ rule, hayden fell for her, and hard

he was breaking their rules secretly already before she showed up, but hanna encouraged him to break even more. she had hippie parents who told her to follow her desire , basically everything hayden could want. he found it very difficult to say no to her. he had only tried weed and beer up until he met her, but she got him to try just about everything in the book, eventually getting him hooked on coke

she was toxic, and it was only a matter of time before her influence on him really began to show. he had always been so good at hiding everything from his parents, his siblings, but he started to slip with her. fast forward a year later and his mother finds an empty coke bag in his sock drawer. this of course, leads to the ultimate argument with his parents

everything comes to light right then and there. the argument is so terrible, his crying mother becomes so angry, she slaps him ( which is huge for hayden, because neither one of his parents had ever laid a hand on him or one of his siblings ). they basically kick him out and surprisingly? hayden is so filled with rage, he’s perfectly okay with that, doesn’t even bother to use the thirty minutes they give him to ‘pack your bags and get the fuck out of here’ either, he just grabs his camera and leaves, and the first person he goes to? hanna. he honestly hasn’t seen his parents or siblings since that day

they pretty much runaway with a couple of her hippie friends and start road tripping the states together, spend hanna’s eighteenth birthday in las vegas , which was absolutely crazy , and that’s saying little. eventually , hayden and hanna settle down in some trailer homes in new jersey

after a night filled with too many beers and lines, they find out hanna is expecting three months later, right when they’re finally getting settled in. despite the fast lifestyle they both live, they decide to keep it . ‘it’ turns out to be a girl, and they name her hayley

hayden never wanted to be a father, but as cheesy as it sounds, his daughter really changed him. he really wanted to be a better man for her even though he was barely eighteen and didn’t know what the fuck he was doing, literally never felt a love so pure, just wanted to protect her and be a good dad

however, the same can’t be said for hanna. she tells him she’s going to get the baby formula one day and never comes back, leaving hayden a single father when his daughter is only four months old. he’s alone and scared, doesn’t have a single clue what to do, but he somehow makes it work

stops doing drugs, gets his shit together even though it’s hard. he’s stressed 24/7 but for once, he’s trying to do things the right way. he’s nothing like his parents at all, but he understands what it’s like to care for someone so much you don’t want anything bad to happen to them, he doesn’t agree with what his parents did but after becoming a dad , he gets where they’re coming from. he becomes a better person , all thanks to hayley

!tws for cancer, child death, depression, self mutilation and suicidal thoughts for the next four bullets, read with caution! fast forward five years later however, and hayley becomes really sick with leukemia . hayden starts spending his time in the hospital more than anything. unfortunately , after over a year of struggling, she ends up passing away when she’s six years old

it was one of those cases where hayden never really thought that would be the outcome, you know? he knew it was bad, but he was positive they would get through it. the amount of times he thought ‘no, she’s too young. no, not my daughter. she’ll be fine’ was a lot. he’s seen cases of parents going through that but he never in his entire life thought that would be his case as well, until he actually went through it

it doesn’t take a genius to guess how upset the situation makes him. hayden becomes very, very depressed, basically drowning himself in his work to try and ignore just how awful he felt. he never thought it would hurt as much as it does. he doesn’t think he could put it into words just how painful it is, not in french, not in englis , not in any language

he has a mental breakdown so bad, he impulsively goes into his bathroom and shaves his entire head and eyebrows. i’m not even talking like a buzzcut, no, straight up just bald and no eyebrows. he begins repeatedly punching the mirror until his knuckles and whole arm are covered in blood and shards of glass. he needed stitches because of this, but the physical pain didn’t compare to the emotional pain he felt inside. being bald with no eyebrows was not a look on him, but he’s in such a bad place, he doesn’t care. after being clean for more than half a decade, he breaks his sobriety, literally …. becomes a mess

eventually, his hair and eyebrows grow back, but he’s really never the same person again. this is how he ends up in new york – living in jersey with all those memories is just too painful for him, he goes to the lower eastside where no one knows a thing about him or his story

he’s back to his old habits because he really doesn’t give a fuck anymore. he genuinely feels like he has nothing left to live for even though he’s so young. he feels tired and worn out and really, really sad, and honestly? suicidal, but he never shows this side of himself

instead, he’s dwelled on becoming the party guy. he’s that friend you call up to drink, smok , or just get high with. he’s back to his fast paced lifestyle and he couldn’t care less. it’s gotten to a point where he doesn’t care if he takes it too far. he just doesn’t give a single flying fuck anymore. watch him drinking at the job ( even though he’s a bartender so it’s fine but )

his existence has become rather empty. getting high and getting drunk, barely sleeping , doing chaotic shit that could get him arrested. again, he just feels like he has nothing to live for, desperately needs therapy even though he’ll probably never go bless him

he hates being alone! not even because it scares him or anything, but because he thinks too much when he is. he hates being alone with his own thoughts, honestly always wants to be with someone or high on something because he just hates thinking

has the name ‘hayley’ tattooed on his wrist, with a little angel underneath. will probably tell you it was a drunk tattoo if asked even though it obviously wasn’t

hayden doesn’t really do relationships after what happened in his last one. he would like one, but doesn’t like putting in all the effort, huge on hookups and meaningless sex because it’s become his life

he loves taking pictures! has a polaroid camera which was literally the only thing he took from his house when he left. he’ll take pictures wherever he goes as he claims pictures are the perfect way to ‘capture life’s moments’. he has a ton of pictures of his daughter

got his aa , but never furthered his education

he’s really, really sad, as stated above. the truth is that he kind of doesn’t care if he takes it too far with the partying because he feels like there’s nothing left for him here. he’s depressed, he’s lonely, he literally wakes up in the middle of the night screaming because he constantly has nightmares, which is why he hates sleeping, constantly has tired eyes ( i’m so tired by the beatles plays in the background )

i’m gonna end this here so it won’t get so long, but below is his birthchart, hmu for plots!

birthchart ;

#dreamsintro #child death tw #self mutilation tw #depression tw #drug abuse tw #drug addiction tw #cancer tw #pls read this with caution if u do some stuff here is v triggering <3

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