y’all say you love toxic yuri and yet there is criminally little art of elesh norn and sheoldred making out . do you hate women made of porcelain and machines

An observation

I think H.R. Giger would like the Phyrexians. Or at least the aesthetic they have going.

Hear me out-

Compleated/Phyrexian people changing how they talk.

Waking up after the Oil has been rendered inert- "Yeah, reactivation felt SUPER weird."

Seeing Compleated friends who have also been freed from the Orthodoxy- "Hey! You're still functional- I've missed you! Do you know if Dan is active yet?"

Dealing with exhaustion- "I just need to fucking reboot, okay? Turn it off and turn it on again is more literal now!"

Like I am just... A fucking SLUT for Phyrexians now describing themselves and their bodies in mechanical and tech-related terms. A mix of both the language they used to use and stuff related to their mechanical bits, and it varies from person to person depending on how much of each they have!

This is how I imagine the conversation Teferi had with Thalia to recruit her to fight the Phyrexians went.

Teferi: Oh brave and noble Thalia; The multiverse needs your aid against the Phyrexians!

Thalia: Sure but who are they?

Teferi: Well they're kind of like zombies...

Thalia: Zombies? Count me in, I know all about fighting zombies!

Teferi: ....mixed with robots.

Thalia: ....

Teferi: 😐

Thalia:

MAGIC FACTIONS BRACKET, ROUND TWO!

Believe it or not, while the Phyrexians won handily, their competitors put up a good fight! And while it was not the abject blowout I'm sure they'd want, The Gruul were in full control for most of their match, which is odd, cuz RG tends to be aggro :P. Let's see who comes out on top here!

Make your choice!

The more I get into Magic the Gathering lore the more tight I get about the fact that the Phyrexians got all of 2 sets for their entire invasion because Wizards no longer understands the value of having a good long block set in a particular moment or plane. Like, there was so much good work being done in ONE and MOM, only for the Phyrexians to get thrown into literal magic story jail because the writers wrote themselves into a corner and couldn’t just let the Phyrexians actually just win for a while. Let them corrupt a few planes, as a treat! Sometimes people actually have to like, lose for a while! It would have been way more entertaining if the Gatewatch people were running a resistance behind the scenes and waging more guerilla warfare against the successful forces of some of the Praetors. Imagine if Urabrask and Sheoldred were deposed but not killed, and they ended up in a tenuous alliance to overthrow Elesh Norn and co before ending in a final three way battle between the Praetors, the exiled Praetors, and the Gatewatch folks. Why don’t we get to see the leftovers of what being compleated did to people? The way it changed societies? It feels like all the well known figures that got compleated were just for shock value considering how quickly it all went away again. Just like... come on, give us more!!!

The Phyrexians are some of the coolest big bads in Magic, whether old or new generation, and it feels like such a disservice that they ended up eating shit in /2 sets/. We got a tiny aftermath set, a set supposedly under the banner which was actually just focused on more Urza/Mishra stuff, just like, come on, THIS was the grand return of one of the biggest threats in the planes?? aaaaaaaaaaaaa my brainrot is setting in, I apparently need to go read some MtG fanfic or something

Two Inverfeim praetors! Ren Arinox, Praetor of The Lustrous Dialectic, the Legislative body of the Empire of Inverfeim, a bicameral arena that ensures that all imperial policy is tested in rhetorical battle, with debates between the chamber of the Praetor and that of her leader of opposition. and Skoltresh, General of the Burnished Onslaught, the army of the Empire, expanding across the isles and overseas for the glory of Phyrexia.

Someone explain to me what happened with Vraska! Was she cleansed by Ral's haemalectric whatsmajigger and then planeswalked away after waking up? Was Jace really there with her in her mind or was it just in her head, if you know what i mean? WTH?!

when am i getting a theta-obsessed villain

What's the real issue with the Phyrexians? Or:

Why the OwO-ification of Phyrexians feels wrong

For starters, the original Phyrexians under Yawgmoth are a Nazi allegory. The heavy eugenics, xenophobia, and literal cult-of-personality give it away. If you're having a hard time seeing it, I recommend you read "Night" by Elie Wiesel & "Maus" by Art Spiegelman.

The current Phyrexians, however, are a Cult: they don't discriminate on who joins, they want to take their "message" everywhere, and they take away your identity & freedoms. As we see in the short story "Cinders", Phyrexians prey on the emotionally vulnerable and isolated; and in "A Hollow Body", we see Phyrexia demanding blind obedience while looking down on free thinking. These are both common features of Cults.

That's why it just feels wrong when people cheer for Phyrexia; because Phyrexia represents Real World Harms. When people pretend to be on the side of Phyrexia, it hits all the same notes as Real World Cult marketing, on an uncanny and upsetting level.

Feminism Win! This girl's faith burns hot enough to sear away the flesh of any heretic!

Mechanics and Flavor: Heliod

This is neither a glup shitto nor a star wars but it fits into the same general purview.

A thing I really like in MTG is when the mechanics of a card create or enhance the flavor. For example, the Heliod card from March of the Machine is part of a cycle that references famous Phyrexian cards from Magic's past. (Officially, it's been claimed to be a reference to Consecrated Sphinx, but that's bullshit and I will be ignoring it)

There is actually a different card from a past Mirrodin set that much more directly matches Heliod's mechanics, similar to the other cards in the cycle: Vedalken Orrery.

Not only does it have the exact same ability (modulo 19 years of templating updates), but the flavor connection is far more apparent. What does a Sphinx have to do with a sun god? Nothing. But an orrery, a mechanical model of the sun and the heavens? To the Phyrexians, what could be a more perfected version of the Therosian sun god than a literal machine sun?

The original vedalken orrery represented the suns of the Phyrexians' own plane of mirrodin, and now they have turned the sun of a new plane into that very same mechanical perfection.

all phyrexians are naked prove me wrong (jin gitaxias pants don’t count)