how the grinch got them arrested on christmas read on ao3

“This is not what I had in mind when I suggested we should travel over Christmas,” Alec says drily. The arid heat is just as he remembers, though he knows he’s never been here specifically. Once you’ve seen one dimension of hell, you really have seen them all, he thinks.

Magnus sighs, the sound longsuffering and exhausted in a way that makes Alec pull him against his side. “Believe me, darling, this is not how I pictured our holiday, either.” He lays his head on Alec’s shoulder for a moment before straightening. “Alright, let’s find a way out of here. The boys will be furious if they wake up and Santa hasn’t come.”

Alec snorts, slipping his hand into Magnus’s and following his husband. “Just once, I’d like to see a dimension of heaven,” he says. “We’ve been to hell three times, now. Three , Magnus.”

“You say this like it’s my fault,” Magnus says.

“Well, technically, the first two—"

The ground splits in front of them, a chasm at least 50 feet wide opening up inches from their feet. Alec tugs Magnus back, stumbling and sending the two of them falling back onto the hard ground.

“Are you alright?” Magnus asks, standing as the ground stops shaking. He helps Alec up, brushing some dust from his cheek.

“Yes,” Alec says, tugging Magnus into his arms as his heart beats wildly. “You?” Magnus nods against him, leaving a kiss on his neck.

“Well, this is sweet,” a gravelly voice says behind them. “But we have a no-PDA rule here in [Name of Hell Dimension].”

Magnus steps out of his embrace as Alec turns. A man stands there, though Alec strongly suspects he isn’t a man at all, but the greater demon who controls this realm.

Magnus looks around them. “Is that a problem you encounter often?”

The demon thinks for a moment. “Not really, no. But being alone for over a millennium makes even the thought disgusting,” he concedes.

“Been there,” Magnus mutters under his breath.

“Sorry about the giant tear in the ground,” the demon says. “You two are quick. Could hardly keep up.”

“And that was the best way you could think to stop us?” Magnus asks. The demon only nods.

“So, uh,” Alec says, “any reason you tore a rift into our apartment on Christmas Eve?”

The demon’s eyes light up. “Oh, yes, it’s Christmas! I adore Christmas.”

“Really?” Alec asks.

“Oh, yes!” The demon’s human appearance begins to change, the skin becoming a shade of green that Alec could only describe as reminiscent of the time Max ate three hold cups of green apple j-ello and promptly threw them up on his sweater. “It’s my favorite time of year,” he says with a wistful tone. “Sneaking into mundane homes, stealing away their trees and their presents. It’s a magical time of year.”

Alec frowns, utterly confused, but Magnus lets out a laugh. “You’re the Grinch?”

“What’s a Grinch?” Alec asks as the Grinch nods excitedly.

“The Grinch Who Stole Christmas. He’s a Dr. Suess character,” Magnus tells him. “He lives on a mountain over Whoville, and he steals all of their Christmas decorations, and then at the end he brings them all back and his grows three sizes bigger.”

“Suess took horrible creative liberties,” the demon says with a glum expression that deepens the lines on his forehead. “I never bring anything back. Finders keepers.”

“I don’t think that applies when you steal something,” Magnus says, but the Grinch doesn’t hear him. “So did you inspire the book or did the book inspire you, then?”

The demon ignores his question, and Magnus and Alec share a look. “I was on my way when you two so rudely hijacked my portal,” the Grinch says, rather cross.

“Finders keepers,” Alec says, and the demon nods sagely.

“Very sorry,” Magnus says. “We didn’t intend to ruin your evening. My husband has this thing about investigating when a rift to a dimension of hell opens up in our living room.”

Alec elbows him in the shoulder. “Would you not have investigated if I wasn’t home?”

“Of course not,” Magnus says. “Immediately,” he concedes at Alec’s raised eyebrows. “I would have called Cat to watch the boys first.”

Alec blinks. “We probably should have done that anyway.”

Magnus waves a hand. “They’ll be fine. Their room is the most heavily warded place in the Western hemisphere.”

Alec snorts. “Of course, it is.”

“After Shinyun, I wasn’t taking any chances,” Magnus says.

The demon clears his throat. “The rift opened in your living room? You don’t happen to live in Peru, do you?”

“No,” Magnus says, grinning. “I’m banned from Peru, actually. Bit of a long story.”

“It’s not that long,” Alec says, rolling his eyes. “It involved lots and lots of alcohol. And no, we live in New York. Brooklyn.”

“Oh, I went incredibly off course, then,” the demon says. “I try to change it up year to year. It gets so dull stealing from the same homes each year.”

“I’m sure,” Magnus agrees somberly. “Just to clarify, you don’t mean our world or the people there any trouble other than stealing their Christmas tidings?”

“Oh, yes, of course,” the demon says. “It would ruin all the fun if I destroyed your world. Whose presents would I steal?”

“Great point,” Alec says, shooting Magnus a look. “Hey, usually I have a strong Don’t-Let-Greater-Demons-Into-Our-World policy, but I’m willing to make an exception if you can send us back home in time for Christmas.”

“Oh, sure,” the demon says. “I was about to make a new one now that I’ve tracked you lot down.”

“Friendly guy,” Magnus says under his breath as the demon opens a rift.

“Nicest demon I’ve ever met,” Alec says. “It’s a low bar, though.” Without letting themselves think about it too much, they followed the demon through the rift. Alec blinks as he looks around. “Um. Where are we?”

“Peru,” the demon answers cheerfully.

“Well, that’s unfortunate,” Magnus says as the Peruvian High Council of Warlocks surrounds them.

“You’re still banned, aren’t you?” Alec asks.

“It would seem so,” Magnus says. “Though I am surprised they found me that quickly. I’m almost touched.”

“Is now a bad time to pull the Consul card?” Alec whispers.

“I’d save it a little longer,” Magnus says. “For dramatic purposes, of course.”

 //

“Ironically, this is closer to what I had in mind for a Christmas vacation,” Alec says.

“You imagined us both in handcuffs?” Magnus asks.

“One of us, at least.”

Magnus chokes on a laugh. “Whatever happened to that innocent, blushing Shadowhunter who fell down the stairs after kissing me?”

“You,” Alec says, giving him a pointed look that has Magnus grinning proudly. “You happened.”

“And it’s been the honor of my life to corrupt you,” Magnus says brightly.

“Someone’s in a remarkably good mood considering he’s under arrest,” a woman’s voice says. They look up, finding Tessa leaning against the wall across from the cell they’ve been left in. Her arms are crossed, and she regards them with an arched brow. “You do know it’s Christmas.”

“Of course,” Magnus says. “But you know us, Tessa, dear. Can’t miss out on a single adventure.”

“I, for one, wouldn’t mind missing them every now and then,” Alec says. “Hi, Tessa. Come to bail us out, I hope?”

“Why didn’t you tell them you’re the Consul?” Tessa asks. “You’d both be back home by now. Or you would, at least. I hear the grudge against Magnus is still quite strong.”

“Dramatic effect,” Magnus says as Alec says, “I’m not leaving him in prison .”

Alec and Tessa both roll their eyes. “On second thought, maybe I should.”

Magnus gasps. “That’s not in the Christmas spirit, Alexander.”

“No,” Alec agrees, “but I think our new friend the Grinch would appreciate it.”

“What?” Tessa asks.

“Long story,” Magnus tells her. “I’ll fill you in over hot cocoa if you can sweet talk them into releasing us.”

“Already done,” Tessa smirks.

“What?” Magnus asks. “Why didn’t you say something sooner?”

“Dramatic effect,” Tessa says coolly as one of the warlocks from earlier steps out of the shadows and unlocks the cell door. With a snap of his fingers, their cuffs fall open. “I’d portal home now before they change their minds, if I were you,” Tessa adds.

“Come with us,” Alec says, pulling her into a brief hug as he exits the cell. “I’m sure the boys would love to see you.”

Tessa smiles. “I’ll come over with Jem later. We have our own plans this morning.”

“Of course,” Magnus says, kissing her cheek. “The two of you are always welcome.” He held a hand out to Alec. “Home?”

“Please,” Alec says, taking his husband’s hand.

//

The loft is still quiet when they step through the portal. Magnus pokes his head into the boys room, using magic to muffle the sound of the door as he shuts it.

“Still asleep,” he says, following Alec into their bedroom. “We have time for a shower,” Magnus adds, wiggling his eyebrows.

Alec snorts. “Subtle.”

“You were the one talking about handcuffs earlier, darling,” Magnus says, raising his eyebrows in a challenge. “I suppose I can take a shower by myself. All alone. Without my loving, incredibly attractive husband to—”

“Oh, I didn’t say I wasn’t interested,” Alec interrupts, slipping his hands under Magnus’s shirt.

Magnus’s eyes dip to Alec’s lips in a way that sends heat down his spine, but before he can do anything about it, he hears the sound of their sons’ feet running down the hallway.

“Daddy! Bapak! Did Santa come?” Max asks as he bursts into the room, Rafe not far behind him. 

Alec steals a kiss from Magnus before pulling away from him to pick up Max. “Let’s go find out, Blueberry,” he says, kissing his round cheek with a smack.

“Yes,” Magnus says, tousling Rafe’s hair. “Lead the way, Rafe. I bet Santa left both of you something really good.”

Later, once all the presents have been opened, and copious amounts of gingerbread cookies consumed, Magnus summons a book with a bright orange cover. Alec peeks over his shoulder aet the title and barely suppresses a snort. “Boys,” Magnus calls, grinning mischievously at Alec. “Have either of you heard of the Grinch Who Stole Christmas?”

OUAT 2X13 - Tiny

Hey, reader! Your TINY-ing couldn’t be better to check out my latest review! XD

Yeah, not my best pun, but it’s not too GIANT of a misstep! XD

COMEBACK!

Now go under the cut and read my review!

Press Release

Kidnapped and brought to Storybrooke by Cora, the Giant unleashes his vengeance on the town when a case of mistaken identity leads him to try and settle an old score with David; Mr. Gold, accompanied by Emma and Henry, attempts to depart Storybrooke - hoping to keep his memory intact when he crosses the town line – and heads to the airport in search of his son Bae; and Greg (Ethan Embry) questions Belle as to what she saw on the night of his car accident. Meanwhile, in the fairytale land that was and against his brothers’ wishes, Anton, the Giant, climbs down the beanstalk and attempts to befriend some humans - whose intentions may not be so noble. General Thoughts - Characters/Stories/Themes and Their Effectiveness Past I really like the conflict in this episode and how it relates to the present later on. We clearly know the outcome of Anton’s voyage to the human world, but Anton never feels like he’s being foolish in this flashback. Anton’s research, kind heart, and inquisitive nature are not being satisfied (And as often implied, even mocked and bullied) by his siblings. But, in that same token, they are not completely cast as bad either. Anton clearly cares for them, and his oldest sibling is shown to be wise in many ways and it’s his lesson of seeking another land that proves to be the key to Anton’s eventual happiness and livelihood in the present.

James’ and Jack’s plan is a great one. That plotting is devious. The staging of it all was well done enough that it doesn’t feel contrived, but understanding of the kind of person Anton is and malleable enough account for missteps. Just go back and watch the bar scene. James has his outburst at the guard just loud enough so that Anton hears him, and of course, Anton, the curious guy that he is, would ask about why. Jack just happens to bring up the subject of beans and while Anton can’t help her in that regard, what else are giants known for? Their treasure, something Anton can be far more generous with. And give him enough motivation and he’ll go right over there with the bare minimum security. It’s honestly one of the best and most underrated evil plans on the show. It’s simple, but intelligently suited to its victim. Present I love the Storybrooke section of this episode! Anton, while the antagonist in this segment to David’s protagonist story, is never made to be a bad guy because the entire time we’re with him attacking, we’re aware of his plight. Because of that, we want him to pull through and get along with everyone and the episode gives that emotional payoff while still ensuring that Anton does learn his lesson about humans. David is in his best form throughout the episode, kind and compassionate but not without his limits and Snow acts as a great source of support and friendship while Leroy rounds out the trio with his comedy and everyman presence in town (And later on, surprising amount of heart).

It’s so great to see the people of Storybrooke acting as a unit again during the rescue and aftermath of Anton. It reminds me of the efforts made in episodes like “A Still Small Voice” and it fits into the story well as a bulk of humans are able to prove themselves to Anton at once.

Also, let’s talk about the airport scenes, but it helps make this episode so memorable. The security scene is both so hysterical at first and so tense and terrifying once the shawl comes off, even after the safe resolution. That having been said, I will say, I wish things were a little bit clearer as to why Rumple was freaking out even after he retained his memories. I can’t help but feel like they were almost going to go for a different angle like actually having Rumple at one point revert to his cursed self (Note how Rumple places so much emphasis on how important it was for him to keep his true identity), but it was abandoned. Otherwise, what was the purpose of the freakouts because we only got a few seconds of waviness as he was crossing through security before getting the shawl back? I like the idea of Rumple freaking out over not having his magic for the first time since the curse broke and realizing that his mortality is back, but what brought it on and how it was handled was weird. All Encompassing This segment is also notable in the fact that not only is it Anton’s first and only centric, but it is the first time that we really see the distinctions between David and James. Before, we saw a bit of James before his death, but while bits of him can be understood with the aid of hindsight, but this is where the character was truly defined for the first time. Whereas David so often acts for the betterment of his people and even those who oppose him (to the point where he attempts to sacrifice himself for Storybrooke’s safety and then later endangers himself for Anton’s sake), James is only interested in himself and won’t lift so much as a finger to help someone if it puts him in danger. Insights - Stream of Consciousness -”I think layers are always a good idea!” Nice subtle showing of Mama Swan! -I don’t know why, but it cracks me up how Rumple’s covering the expenses of their trip! XD Charming summed it up best: “You’re a real gentleman, aren’t you?” -”This isn’t a threat, it’s a request. Take care of them.” Aww! I love that extra bit of Sheep Bros! And Rumple actually responds to it! -I like also how Rumple’s being much more overt to Emma and co about who it is he’s looking for. I’m going to call that a slight development in his emotional honesty. -David, I am with Snow. That holster looks great on you! -Regina needs to join the Storybrooke acting troupe alongside Killian, Cora, and Rumple. Actually, someone make a fic out of this! Please? -”And we’re sorry.” I love how Snow completely follows through on her resolve from the previous episode. -First Captain Charming scene! Yayyyyy!! Honestly, it’s just as perfect as I’d hoped it would be! -Not gonna lie, I don’t even think it’s a shipping thing, but seeing Killian flirt with Snow like he does by the cops doesn’t flow with me at all. It’s just creepy, and I feel bad saying that, but it just is for me. -I never realized before that The Jolly Roger is made from Enchanted Wood. That’s pretty cool! -Anton is an adorable little bean! -I just realized: Now that the realms are merged, is Anton essentially out of a job, or are the beans the equivalent of teleportation now? Like, if I want to visit Elsa from Granny’s, can I just throw a bean and be right there? And if so, then Anton is now a multi-millionaire and I just couldn’t be happier for the guy! -Watching this flashback makes me hate the flashback in “Flower Child” so forking much. Everything that is done wrong there is done right here. -Holy shirt! Anton can punch! Like, get him on the main team! -The set up of the mystery of why Anton hates David is a very well done one for as brief as it is. It gives the audience a moment to establish how Emma’s actions have shown Anton that some humans aren’t evil as well as the fact that Anton isn’t a bad guy, but showing a clear snapping point for him. -Red Beauty! Yayyyyyy! -Hospital staff: It’s probably not a great idea to have “Good Morning Storybrooke” playing when you have two patients who aren’t supposed to know about magic. -Awww! Ruby loves books too, and reads from Belle’s favorite author! She’s just too sweet! -”Why does everyone keep calling me that?” ...Because it’s your name and you haven’t said anything along the lines of “my name is Lacey.” Introduce yourself! -James just has no shame! He’s about to have sex, his dad comes in, and he’s practically about to continue on! -I feel so bad for Anton! He so has a crush on Jack, and Jack’s just...well, not the worst, but definitely in the top 50 worst. -”How terribly uncivilized.” Rumple, you used to live in a world without indoor plumbing. You’re one to talk! -”Have you ever been on a plane before?” Have you ever been impaled upon a cane before?” That is forking hysterical and will never not be! XD -”You father?” Rumple, you are close to a century older than Emma! Yeah, you could be her dad! XD -Has anyone ever commented on how there’s literally no reason for the shawl to go into the bin. It’s not metal. Am I missing something here? -I want that roasted pig so badly! -”You’re human. I hate humans.” Part of me is thrown a little off base with this line. On one hand, Anton does what humans, but when David, Snow, and Leroy found him, he was more relaxed. However, I’m willing to waive it off to him getting his bearings upon waking up in a strange land. -Oh, shirt! Rumple can’t heal himself! BLOODY HELL! XD -That light is so unflattering for Robert right in the bathroom scene. -The entire conversation between Anton, David, and Snow concerning Emma and James is hysterical. As far as miscommunication scenarios go on this show, this is one of the best. And the follow up conversation between David, Snow, and Leroy over David’s name is equally so! XD -Don’t worry, Anton! Just HOLE-d on! XD -Awww! Look at Anton learning how to use a pickaxe! Anton, never change! Arcs - How are These Storylines Progressing? Regina’s Redemption - It is so hard to watch as Regina double crosses everyone in this episode. I don’t think it’s poorly done, and MM and David’s lines about not needing Regina’s say about Henry make the betrayal a well set up ad effective one. It builds well off of the last couple of episodes and while a touch accelerated around this part, I do think that the overall pacing works here. The People of Storybrooke Going Home - So this arc was really introduced during “The Cricket Game,” I believe. So far, I’m not sure how well it’s being set up, but I will say that this is the clearest the the arc itself has been defined since its inception. Favorite Dynamic David and Anton - David’s interactions with Anton are a true testament to his kindness and leadership abilities. Anton punches him in the face and refuses to cooperate with any attempts David makes to reason with him and yet David simply doesn’t give up on helping him the right way because of who he is. Additionally, how he rallies the entire town together for that same cause is inspiring. He knows the damage his “father” did and he wants those affected by him in any way (even through his progeny) to be helped, no matter what it takes. And on Anton’s side, just like with Emma, he’s receptive to that kindness and the belief in David doesn’t come from just simple information or evidence, but from David’s straight-up actions of offering himself up as a sacrifice and later saving him, and that’s so amazing! Writer Christine Boylan and Kalinda Vazquez are “Tiny’s” writers, and this is a great team up. The pacing of this episode feels very good, moving so that things aren’t rushed, but the stories remain flowing. Additionally, the framing of the writing is quite intricate, careful to not make anyone a bad guy but to also direct the sympathy where it is deserved. Additionally, the manner of Anton’s forgiveness (Both to him and from him) is expertly handled through the actions of the entire town saving Anton from the hole and him helping everyone grow beans. Rating 10/10. I love this episode’s story. Anton is a likable and layered character to follow and his journey with Ruth’s twins across the two timelines is equally layered. The story itself is very lowkey in comparison to some of our previous episodes, and it’s a welcome change of pace! It’s a super simple, yet quite detailed character story that allows for a lot to be done with James, Snow, Charming, and Leroy’s characters. Seeing all of these characters build off one another is what Once Upon a Time does best and the hearty story makes it all the better. While I didn’t find the storytelling at the airport to be as airtight (pun always intended) as the other segments (Ergo, why this isn’t a Golden Apple), the scenes on their own can be super entertaining (Especially EVERYTHING with Rumple in the first half of the security scene). Flip My Ship - Home of All Things “Shippy Goodness” Snowing - It’s just really nice seeing Snow and David working together! They’re so supportive and protective of each other, ranging from hugs to verbally helping each other during discussions with Anton, Hook, and each other over the differences between David and James. Snow and Charming are always expressing their love in some way, and it’s so subtly heartwarming. And hearing Snow talk about how she had fun today and missed their little adventures as she dances around him and the sidewalk is just great! Grumpy Giant - Freakin’ hollythecurious got me into the swing of this ship, and I love it and her for introducing it to me! XD Look at Grumpy’s adoring looks as he helps Anton get settled in to life in Storybrooke and how forward he is with his assistance. This is Grumpy we’re talking about and he’s rarely as likely to take the initiative in regards to introducing people to the town. And dammit, it’s so cute! Hell, he even moves the dwarves’ entire workforce to help Anton grow beans and calls them “our crop!” ()()()()()()()()() Thanks for reading and to the fine and fantastic folks at @watchingfairytales for their continued support and the project!

Wow! this season’s going great, but wow am I tired! Writing these long ash reviews is exhausting! You know what I could use? A drink. How about a Manhattan? ;)

See you next time.

Season 2 Tally (114/220) Writer Tally for Season 2: Adam Horowitz and Edward Kitsis: (29/60) Jane Espenson (25/50) Andrew Chambliss and Ian Goldberg (24/50) David Goodman (16/30) Robert Hull (16/30) Christine Boylan (17/30) Kalinda Vazquez (20/30) Daniel Thomsen (10/20)

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