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a-froger-epic · 3 years

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oh gods help me, there's this boy, and we've become really good friends, and if my life were a movie we'd be dating by now, I'm sure XD

(also btw for context I'm afab, she/they)

He's very nice, has great taste, and all the factors point to "Perfect Romantic Partner", I mean-

• we showed each other poetry we've written and it was really great, (and that was literally only our second interaction ever)

• He has good fashion sense, loves thrifting, loves that I love thrifting, and we now have a deal that if we find cool vintage clothes in each other's size we'll buy it for each other (which works well because we're actually about the same size and I wear men's clothing a lot anyway)

• not to sound shallow, but he is quite aesthetically attractive. and he has an actual skincare routine (I mean, the bar is so low, but still)

• he's into photography and wants to show me how he develops film & all that stuff, which sounds super cool

• We've stayed up until nearly 2 in the morning discussing art and history and music- his favorite musician of all time is Tchaikovsky- I recommended Prokofiev's Romeo and Juliet and THEN HE ACTUALLY LISTENED TO IT

• and most of all HE'S REALLY SUPPORTIVE OF MY SONGWRITING AND MUSIC AND I JUST- SKDGSKSHSKSKAKS

and I just think he's a really really interesting person and I just really want to be friends with him, and I don't want him to take that interest the wrong way...

...and part of me wonders why I feel that way??? Because, my goodness, if there's any boy on earth I should date, he fits the bill. But I'm just... not at all attracted to him in that way.

And I catch myself thinking, "Maybe I could be??? if I tried??" which is probably not how one is supposed to go about these things 😬

And the thing is, I generally call myself bisexual, but I've never officially dated anyone so I'm not 100% committed to that label and especially this past year I've started just going with "queer" bc I really just don't fuckin know at this point-

and it's probably ridiculous to be like "well if I'm not attracted to this one specific man I must not be attracted to men" but....

I am attracted to him, just not in a sexual way, and not really in a romantic way (I think)... but I don't know how to explain that to him, hell, I can't even explain it to MYSELF, so it's just... never brought up

and I'm worried one day it's gonna come out that he thinks we've been practically dating for a while, but I've thought we're just friends, and basically it's just this whole mess.

idk why I'm dumping this all on you, but it seems like in part of your fanfic one of the characters had a similar issue at one point??? (I haven't read DoA yet, forgive me if I'm wrong, just going off of vague memory of posts/asks i've seen) but even if not, you just seem really good with advice, and I know you're a good writer... maybe I just wish you could write me a happy ending... 😅

I'm sorry, I know that's a lot... you don't have to answer right away, or even at all, but I just needed to tell SOMEONE

Hey anon, I've been there.

When I got out of a 6 year relationship at the age of 22, first thing I did was go on a date with someone I met online. This was before tinder, so it was a forum and his post read "Geek Guy seeks Geek Girl" and I was like: "It meee!"

Anyway, we exchanged some emails, we had everything in common when it came to shows, film and literature we loved. We got on like a house on fire. On paper, this guy was the perfect partner for me. Literally, just wonderful.

We went on a date. He was the nicest, sweetest guy and we talked all night and we had such a great time.

I felt 0 romantic/physical attraction. Nada. It was like talking to my beloved twin brother, if I'd had one. I went on another date with him to be sure, and then called him before the 3rd date to tell him I was very sorry but the spark just wasn't there for me.

He was crushed. I mean, he cried on the phone, he was absolutely distraught. But what was I going to do? Anything else would've just been leading him on. He kept asking "What's changed?" and I was like "Nothing... I'm just... not feeling it, I'm really sorry."

Then I had three brief flings (and some really great sex) with two guys and a girl I had almost nothing in common with but felt crazy attracted to, before I met another guy who shared my interests and gave me butterflies.

So, all I'm saying is, it be like that sometimes. There's really nothing you can do, other than set boundaries. If your friend tries to make a move, you'll have to explain that you like him a lot, but the right feelings just aren't there for you.

It's not easy, and it might hurt the other person, but that's the way it is.

#ask response

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