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ooppo · 1 year

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My Highschool Weed Story

I grew up in a household that grew a lot of pot. For reference, here is my cousin standing next to a marijuana plant my dad grew a few summers ago:

That thing was fucking awful to harvest. Anyways, so growing up as a teenager I always smelt like weed, but the nice emo and goth kids I hung out with didn't care because they were weed-starved and would sniff my clothes like a pack of starved beasts. So this one time I go to school and that day I apparently absolutely REAKED of pot. So I go up to my emo friend and I'm like "🥺 Marlana, do you have any perfume I could use...?" And she was like, "Um, yeah actually here!!"

Then Marlana handed me a can of Axe Body spray, which did nothing but amplify both smells somehow. So I was sweating hard in math in a class full of like 40+ students hoping to god no one says anything because I was so paranoid that I would get in trouble and then my parents would get in trouble because we certainly were going over the legal limit of plants. I was sitting there trying to convince myself that I just needed to make it through the day and eventually the weed smell would air out of my clothes. However,

Suddenly, from the back, this kid jets up and shouts "IT SMELLS LIKE WEED IN HERE‼️".

My life flashed before my eyes. I was already making up excuses to take the fall for my parents like how I joined some random group of kids at the back of the school to smoke a joint or some shit. Btw I didn't smell a little like weed, either. I was wearing the jacket that was in the same room they were drying the weed branches out in. I smelt even worse than a dispensary. My parents were super hippies that didn't buy regular fucking deodorant, either, they MADE me WEED DEODORANT that only smelt a little like weed but it was "all natural" and were great for some fucking gland in your armpit or some shit. Idk they were hippies and my dad was an unmedicated bipolar. He convinced us all he cured cancer and asthma once.

I shit you not, this kid rounds up his little posse of friends and they start SNIFF checking every single student and INTERROGATING THEM. My absolute worst fear made real. Literally my most paranoid nightmare giving birth to reality.

I would like to pause to show everyone what I looked like back then when this happened. Here is my school ID from around that time:

This but I wore nerdy black rimmed square glasses and a frog hoodie. This is important information for later.

This kid and his group go down every fucking isle smelling every kid and accusing them like "John, do you smoke pot??" "Jessica do YOU smoke pot???". Eye contact. Calling them by name. Everything. Now I don't only have to lie to the teacher and principal, now I have to lie to my classmates and my god I was never a good liar back in highschool.

The kids get to the girl in the seat next to me and ask her if she smokes pot, which she proceeds to just tell them to fuck off, which was inconceivable to me as an option.

They make eye contact with me.

They see this sweaty little big glasses cringefail artist white girl shaking like a Chihuahua at her desk and I for sure think I'm about to get laid into hard with questions. But, no. They take one look at me and WALK PAST ME‼️‼️ TO THE STUDENT SITTING NEXT TO ME AND CONTINUE THEIR SEARCH.

That point forward it was absolutely ridiculous what I could get away with. Once I sat on the opposite side of the class as literally everyone else by the open window and a kid said it smelt like weed and they all looked up AT ME and then one of the kids said "it must be coming from outside". LIKE BITCH. On my last day in French class I leaned over to one of my class-friends and I told her that I was the one who smelt like weed and she could hardly believe it even though I sat next to her every fucking day.

And that's how I got away with smelling like weed for all of highschool. By looking like a complete fucking loser.

#ooppostories #it always stressed me out because i was nose blind to weed by that point so i could never tell how bad i smelt until one of the emo or goth #kids pointed it out to me #so yeah #there is a lesson in here about stereotypes

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