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thisdreamplace · 3 years

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ashamed to say the 3D reflects our true inner reality, yes? my ENTIRE family has turned against me, after some atrocious conflicts in which they all ganged up on me nd judged me, name-calling, very hurtful things too, provoked me. i been dealing with some serious mental uh 'issues' on my own nd when this happend i was already on the verge of a breakdown nd the good news is while the conflict happened i kept telling myself theyre only reflecting me u can get thru it etc. Later i looked at the hard facts nd realised some of the hurtful things they said were my deep secret feelings abt myself. BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people? confronting one person vs whole family, why?! i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?

Part 2 is simply its been a week and theyve still been cold towards me as if I yelled AT THEM ABT THEIR PAINFUL 'tRuThS' in front of EVERYONE LMAOOO. At first if i was around we'd have dinner together while they'd all talk to each other like best friends aka sickeningly overly friendly while completely IGNORING me while i sat there. i could tolerate it. I WAS PISSED AT THEM TOO Now its too painful. They're having dinner without telling me, yesterday didnt leave enough food for me knowing i hadnt eaten, serve tea/snacks without my portion. i honestly feel so unspeakably trigered nd sad. worst is these things r reminding me of deep school memories when id feel excluded like this by other kids at parties or class activities nd its like im back there. anyway im glad i controled myself a bit nd didnt counter with horrid things abt them to THEM yet they think they can say the same to me. im so hurt rn i cant even tell u lol i was okay the whole week but now its too much,, ive been crying the whole day

thing is, ik this seems like 'im a victim oh noooo they ganged up on meee'. Nope its more like how do i change myself to change them?! u could say why not talk to them how they made u feel, except whenever ive defended myself in the past regarding hurtful things they/anyone in family did, the siblings/parents would say irritating things like: "oh so YOU'RE the one hurt? Oh thats right, its because YOU'RE right! yes, yes, you're always right. Forgive me for saying anything against the perfect person u are." Or one of them says: "You?! I hurt YOU? What about me? You don't care about me! So you think what ur doing is okay?" or "no, who do YOU think u are to tell ME what to do?" it just goes in circles like this! i dont deserve to hurt myself or do smth to myself even if they dont give a damn, even if years of silent suffering of the 'mEntAL pRoBlEms' (which my lovely parents have already told me is my fault years ago, hence why I NEVER show it to them, unless im crying too much then lol they just mock me, but idc abt THAT bcoz now ik i hav a right to let out my emotions)). i mean this is worse rjan usual. its kinda insane nd when guests come they start talking to me as if nothing's wrong then when they leave, they ignore me!

this whole twisted dynamics, feelijf left out nd helpless is ig some crazy assumptin from childhood of being alone nd unable to defend myself. plus when they argye with anyone, they become overly self-righteous nd over the years its clear they can only scream, blame the scapegoat and never talk abt serious matter like normal ppl. And yes, in the past when i bring this up, they like to reply with stuff like: "no YOU'RE the one who doesnt talk to US bla bla" like, when i do u just shut me down? have belittled my mental 'issues', mocked me when im at my worst, stabbed me with cruel silent treatments nd thinking its alright "bcoz of self-righteousness blegh". Or maybe i think its okay for them to punish me? or whatev? Like law says u get what u r. if these ~~~ keep doing this to me, im doubly ashamed to say this means im the one at fault?! i let this monster assunptin grow nd now idk what to do. the worst thing imo is how i failed to tell them,even if they ignored me in the past, how i feel when anything like this or a conflict happens nd none of them stand up for me, or at least are neutral to me. bcoz now if i do, they say nope, u dont care what we do, YOUR the shameless one :! so yeah they hav the advantage of 'numbwrs' while im too afraid to stand up for myself lol. btw they never apologize nd i suspect they expect ME to apologize to TYEM bcoz everything's already ruined bcoz of 'me'..... i give up on them, i really do, but my heart hurts. Either i harden my heart, nd save up to move out, OR i try to change my self or whatev assumptins i have. But how do i do that? i try afirming: "my familys so nice to me, im respected by them" but it feels so fake tears literally enter my eyes lol

firstly i want to say, thank you for coming here to vent and being open about your feelings. it’s so important sometimes to just let it all out, without holding back. so that way you can move forward more bravely, to create the life you truly want to experience. that being said, i am going to be completely honest with you here in hopes that perhaps it may inspire you and you will be ready to do what is needed for the life you truly want to experience.

“BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people?” -> “i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?” here is your question, and here is your answer. i think that being completely honest when venting your feelings can actually be so helpful, because if you read back what you have said, you will be able to clearly find the patterns that are creating your personal hell. FEELING IS THE SECRET. ASSUMPTIONS HARDEN INTO FACT. the true way you feel, becomes your experience. Feelings/assumptions/beliefs come first, and the experiences come second to confirm them. That’s all that’s happening here.

i am glad that you were able to keep your reactions to a minimum! that's wonderful and as many of us know, it can sometimes be hard to do in such hurtful circumstances. but you managed to do it, this shows just a small glimpse of the power you truly hold within. although emotionally you may feel out of control, there is still the choice to choose better for yourself which you demonstrated through your reaction to them. good for you!

the truth is, you acknowledge the victim mindset to seem like you’re not engulfed in it, but no, you’re still very clearly engulfed in it. as i have said before, you can’t be a VICTOR and feel bad about it. feeling bad about taking responsibility, about everyone is you pushed out, about any of these types of concepts automatically shows a victim mindset. talking to them won’t do anything, because there are no second causes. you could talk to them nicely, you could be the nicest person in the world. but you can’t pretend your way out of your inner world. your inner world is the one and only cause of your experiences. until you change the story you tell yourself, they will stay the same. this is a hard pill to swallow sometimes. and it can feel heavily, because it’s ultimately only you’re choice. they can’t change until you do. the heaviness of the situation may make it seem impossible to turn around, but that’s just an illusion. your emotional attachment to the situation makes it seem so real and hard to change, but no. that’s just an illusion too. however, it’s ultimately your choice. Do you want to take responsibility for your life, or do you want to keep being tossed around like your lost at sea, victim to the merciless angry waves? Because we always have a choice. No one chooses your inner world, you do. No one can go into your mind and decide things for you, that’s only your job.

you can harden your heart, but who would be the one who suffers more? It won’t be your family, i can assure you. it’ll only be you. by doing that, you keep that old story alive and therefore you keep experiencing it. you keep those stories alive that are desperately showing themselves to you, saying “LET US GO.” but you remain identified with those painful stories, so you grip onto them tight. you keep on thinking of possible reasons for their behavior, but you could just read your entire ask back to yourself and you’ll see every reason. your reactions, your beliefs about them, your emotional pain. its your refusal to let those things go, and focus on what you truly want that keeps you in this state and keeps them in this state. sure it’s painful to face the responsibility at first, but it’s not a blame game. thinking its about blame is just a misunderstanding of the teachings. it’s not about they’re so perfect and you’re so not, so you have to change your ways. it’s about this is how life works here. this is about... you can ONLY ever experience self. whatever is going on within, will be reflected in your outer world. it’s about how they can’t change, UNTIL YOU DO. so instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you have to decide to give yourself the gift of a wonderful life because you have that power too. you stop deciding they can be in control of your experience, and you decide your experience yourself.

to change your assumptions, stop trying to affirm over them and actually face what’s keeping you from believing in your desires. yeah, it’s going to be painful and uncomfortable. but you need to face the pain that you’re running away from, so that it can finally be released. you have to realize, it only stayed true because you believed it to be true. and if you are to live a life free from that story, and experience a more desirable story, then you must let the pain go. give yourself love and grace as you work through it, and know that there is a more beautiful side of life that awaits for you to accept it in.

No One To Change But Self

There is Nothing to Forgive

How to Sit with Your Triggers

give yourself the time you need, it's not race. the love that you wish to experience exists, allow it in. 💖

#eiypo

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luvargas · 3 years

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i think i just saw LUCILA “ LU ” VARGAS ride by on a golf cart . at least i think it was her . after all , CREDIT IN THE STRAIGHT WORLD BY HOLE was blasting on the transistor radio . maybe she was on her way to work , i hear she’s a PERSONAL TRAINER . but she totally could have been on her way to SNEAK IN A SMOKE AT THE GARDEN . guess we’ll never know . you’ll definitely know its her when you see LOOSE AND TANGLED HAND WRAPS , BUTTON BADGES ON VEGAN LEATHER , AND HEAR THE SHRILL SOUND OF BICKERING around the country club . let’s just hope she stays off the green after hours or else the sprinklers will get her !

( new muse, messy thoughts, u get the gist. pls know the views of this chara do not reflect my own. the name’s katya, 21, she/her pronouns & im ready 2 party. feel free to hmu wnvr or drop a like to plot n ill com 2 u ! x — oh n pls be a pal n read this quick disclaimer. tysm ! )

BASICS

24 years old

15 april 1997

5′1″ or 1.55m tall

bisexual cis woman, she/her

aries sun, aqua moon, and aqua rising

love languages : quality time & acts of service

BIO POINTS

kid o’ divorce, lived w her ma in chicago til she was 6 then w her dad in highlands til 14 then back to her ma !

def a daddys gorl. so used to her white pop’s leniency that livin w her strict latina ma durin her teen yrs was So Not Her Vibe ergo * cue her rebel grrrl phase *

did not finish hs ! left senior yr 2 to go w her “ radically progressive ” college bf to [ insert dev country. ] they broke up after a few mos but she kept at that life for a couple more yrs

seen some places. lived in new countries. done some shit. some good, some sus, but all generally well-intentioned. tis a whole thing but u get the gist, nywy !

lu’s back in da usa by 21. rel w the ma is strained but the pa is chill w stuff, they kept in touch. he said shell get her college fund if she gets her ged so she does !

her dad is v active n stuff so shes just always been v sporty w him. lu turnin 23 w zilch plans worried him so he implored her to get certified as a personal trainer ! n when she did, he called in a few favors w a pal he knows et voilà ! ur hired.

LU AT WORK

shes been workin at the country club fr a little over a yr now. most her clients are influencer-type gals n they luv her bc shes can take rlly cute pics n stuff for content. lu sorta likes some of em n she fakes the rest for the bread. u can bet she clowns all em richies behind their back

unless she got clients, catch her runnin’ about the club n minglin’ w the other workers. does it annoy mngmt ? yes. n she luvs that. but bc her soon-2-b-karen clients luv her n wont stand for her bein booted, she can milk that impunity

actually knows her shit n lowkey rlly enjoys the work. she picked back up the boxing n tae kwon do she did when she was younger plus she was always in the track team at school. v healthy lifestyle save for her smokin vice n the party moments

PERSONALITY

passionate ! has lotsa opinions. helluva a drama queen, bit of a loud mouth, argumentative n stubborn but her heart’s in the right place, albeit a lil misguided. comes w the whole activist bit, bitin her tongue just aint it. highkey makes everythin political n smtms gotta realize .,.,. it just aint that deep chief. some say shes needlessly defiant, but maybe thats a in the beholder typa thing ? fingers crossed 4 lu’s sake

fun, fun, fun ! can be real naggy but shes no buzzkill. wannabe anarchist-slash-mutineer who wants 2 stick it 2 the man ! get rowdy go crazy

fight, fight, fight ! goin back to the first bit, she talks big. esp w like ,, men n the whites lol. she can actually walk her threats tho she isnt actually violent. w arguments, she likes to start em but finishin is ... ruff. also any dare, she wont back down in either doin it or arguin why doin it wld be smth-ist. shes not the sharpest tool ok rip lu

loyal legend ! fr her friends n buds, shell turn a blind eye. pals r the only exception ! truly ride or die n will do errthng 4 em. v much a believer in the power of community n ppl needin ppl or wtvr, yk, all that stuff. shes mouthy but like, she helps ppl

here’s a brief blurb n a more coherent look into lu as a character

TIDBITS

lu can understand spanish but hers is a bit broken, tis her secret shame shhh

she doesn’t believe in the institution. any institution. u name it, shes got beef

pls dont fact check her she cant hear u

probs lowkey thinks shes better than u bc shes vegan

prefers 2 be called “ lu ” n ny1 who insists on lucila is dead 2 her

comments abt her not lookin like a pt w her height n frame will result in an earful n a dramatic outburst. it aint worth it chief

watches lotsa sports w her pops. mostly indiv ones. mma, boxing, tennis, track, etc

dont ask me abt her principles n politics, i cant explain em either. v inconsistent n just messy at this point tbh but here’s a lil attempt ig

she drives a 2018 prius n lives in a p nice 1br apt outside the club

her mom’s middle class n her dad is almost upper-middle class. he isnt a member of the club but, like ,,, he cld be if he wanted to lol. he spoils her sm while she hasnt rlly Spoken to her mom besides civility, rip they both stubborn, tis a vargas thing

she is v much in a comfy position money-wise n dsnt hav much Need to hustle but sis does hav a couple of organizations she regularly sends some dough to so thats nice ig

she went fr grassroots activist to a veteran twitter/tumblr/reddit/wtvr ranter n a change.org gofundme petition regular. is it burnout ? is she ok ? honestly who knows

WANTED CONNECTIONS / TAKEN CONNECTIONS

found family ! pals n squad wanted. y’all gotta hav patience or ear plugs to power thru her self-indulgent mini-rants but shell luv ya back tenfold !

carpool buds ? cld be a pal ! or maybe yall had a lil argument or small beef but lu still drives ym bc her pride ? said mother earth first even tho the tension n silly drama is funny

homies to smoochies ! just sum nsa makin out. cld be pals, cld be flirty, idk, but if u wanna kiss her shes probs ok w that

smoke bud ! just sum1 thats her go-to 2 smoke w on her breaks. knows not to call her out on how its not healthy fr a trainer yada yada she knows ok. let her live

an ex ? idk yet shes not rlly datey but thats out there

crushes ! this bitch hot but does she know how to flirt ? not rlly. watch her fumble

debate club ! aka sum1 she bickers w relentlessly. its valid, sum1 fite her. r u a worker or a club member ? either works. its a whole club bc she can have tons, lu can be hella annoying n testy

clients ! self-explanatory. do they get along tho ? lets find out !

( im officially braindead now but if y’all got more ideas or think theres smth lu wld fit just lmk !!! down 4 wtvr, wld luv 2 hash it out w yall <3 )

#highlandsintro

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sybcritics-blog · 5 years

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( lee jooheon, cismale, he/him, 24. ) — CHOI JUNGWOO, better known to the authorities as VULCAN, has been working for the kumiho for around SIX YEARS as a JANITOR. rumor has it, they can be DARING & KALEIDOSCOPIC but also IRASCIBLE & SYBARITIC which is why blood-stained hands, all black wardrobes, crooked smirks, and weaponry makes me think of them.

hey demons, it me, ya girl, gem ... back at it again, only this time my character is worst than the first one. which is saying something because oof minwoo was an absolute disaster ! so if that gives you any idea as to how this shithead is gonna be, that should be a clue !

again, his whole backstory isn't completely figured out but i have what i've already figured out below the cut, as well as his basic information, personality & some wanted plots i have for him !

if you want to plot with this lil pyro, smash that like button & i'll come to you ! or of course, if you like d*scord better than tumblr feel free to add me on there ( @𝕨𝕚𝕟𝕂𝕃𝔼𝕍𝕠𝕊𝕊!#9330 ) & we can plot from there !

BASIC INFORMATION.

full name: choi jungwoo. nickname(s): jun, woo. age: twenty-four. date of birth: october 31st. birthplace: daegu, south korea. current location: seoul, south korea. ethnicity: korean. nationality: korean. gender: cismale. pronouns: he / him / his. orientation: pansexual. crew position: janitor. occupation: instagram model / youtuber. ( eboy basically ig ) language(s) spoken: korean, english, chinese, japanese, spanish, greek, thai & french.

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE.

face claim: lee jooheon ( joohoney ) of monsta x. hair color: changes frequently, currently dark brown. eye color: brown. height: 6 ' 1 ". weight: 175. build: athletic. tattoos: far too many to count. piercings: multiple in his ears, a tongue piercing, nipple piercings, a scar on his right brow from an old brow piercing.

HEALTH.

physical ailments: alcohol abuse, drug abuse & lactose intolerance. neurological conditions: back pain & occasional migraines. allergies: pollen, mold, dairy, shellfish. sleeping habits: 3-4 hours a night, restless. eating habits: mostly junk food, fast food & take-out but he does enjoy going to fancy places every once in a while as well as cooking meals at home. exercise habits: jogs every morning, is in a boxing group that meets every week. body temperature: hot natured. addictions: alcohol, tobacco, drugs & sex. drug use: frequent. alcohol use: frequent.

PERSONALITY. ( PT 1. )

label: the cataclysmic. positive traits: daring & kaleidoscopic. negative traits: irascible & sybaritic. fears: large bodies of water. hobbies: boxing, card games, video games, reading, cooking, comic books, jogging. habits: tbd. quirks: tbd.

FAVORITES.

season: fall. color(s): black, red, green. music: isn’t super picky, doesn't care for country. movies: mostly action, suspense, horror & comedy. sport(s): watches baseball & hockey. beverage(s): anything but sparkling water. food: fast food. animal: dogs.

FAMILY.

father: tba. mother: tba. sibling(s): younger sibling, nineteen. children: n/a. pet(s): german sheppard puppy. family’s financial status: upper class.

EXTRAS.

zodiac sign: scorpio. mbti: entp-a. ( the debater ) enneagram: type eight. ( the challenger ) temperament: choleric. hogwarts house: slytherin. moral alignment: chaotic neutral. primary vice: lust. primary virtue: pride. element: fire.

BIOGRAPHY.

born in daegu sk to a lawyer and a police officer, jun's life was always pretty strict.

they always made sure he was living like they wanted him to, cracking down and making sure he was behaving & that his grades were at the top of his class.

little did they know that their son found ways around having to obey everything they said, sneaking out of his bedroom window to roam the streets of daegu in the middle of the night & things like that.

that's also where he first found his interest in fire, seeing people mess with small bonfires / fireworks all the time caused him to grow curious.

so one night on one of his adventures, he approached a group of kids that were probably only a few years older than him and they allowed him into their group & allowed him to start messing with the fireworks himself.

it was from that moment on that he started to rebel a little bit more with each day that passed, eventually sneaking out & staying gone the entire night only to sneak back up through his window, get 2 hrs of sleep and then head to school.

parents never figured out about it though, he was good at lying to them & anyone with any sort of 'authority' so he was able to continue pleasing them & pretending to be this pefect son all while living the life he actually wanted to live.

the only thing that came as a shock to his parents was him moving out at the age of sixteen, getting his own apartment and whatnot so he'd stop having to hide how he wanted to live or have to sneak out of his own home.

however, to them, they just thought he wanted to become more of an adult & so they never really questioned it or checked up on him without warning.

he had just turned eighteen when he was approached by the mastermind after getting into a fight at a bustling club, leaving the other person laid out on the ground while jun barely had any injuries whatsoever.

the mastermind offered a job, keep people quiet or clean up after the ones who can't and you'll get paid shit tons of money... who was jun to turn that offer down?

a few months after that is when his instagram persona started forming, posting his outfits on the app started to cause people to follow him & ask for more... n before he knew it, he was getting agents messaging him offering to be HIS agent & allow him to make even more money just by posting the simplest of things on a daily basis.

again, who was he to really turn down the offer? especially considering the fact he'd already grown a taste for all things expensive.

& thus, jun's double life began once more, though this time, both sides of his life were things he truly enjoyed.

PERSONALITY. ( PT 2. )

the Worst...

short-tempered as heck, will snap on people for breathing in his direction wrong if he's in one of those moods...

loves violence... it's a problem. will be that asshole who starts bar fights just so he can fight someone ksfjghsdf

.... if you haven't figured it out, the boy loves to play with fire. constantly burns stuff, always tries to take things of other peoples to burn them. also likes to ... possibly set empty buildings on fire only to watch them burn down. yike.

can be extremely goofy & joking one moment and then the biggest grumpy asshole the next. all really depends on his mood at the time.

when he's in a good mood though, he loves to mess with people & joke around or just go explore the area. day trips are his favorite thing in the world even though he won't admit to it.

however, when he isn't.... don't mess with him bc he will probably try and snap ur head off or yell at you for the dumbest shit. probably figures out he's being a dick a little too late but will still own up to it and apologize eventually.

a bit of a wild card, honestly. you never know what mood he's going to be in or what's going on in his head at any given moment.

a heaux, shock shock... but like actually really bad abt it, constantly has some new hook up or something like that.

this is a work in progress as well so that's all i've got atm

PLOT IDEAS.

someone from his past who knows that his father is a police officer & constantly gets on his ass for all the stupid shit he does bc they don't want him getting caught let alone his own father finding out.

his go to person for all things stupid as fuck. getting high on the roof? check. getting drunk & dancing on the bar? check. walking around seoul at 4 in the morning? check.

the fire & ice combination we all want for our muses, they fight, bicker, try to throw hands w each other even but at the end of the day, they actually care about one another.

someone who's able to see the softer side of jun, either by just being around for his 'down' days, or finding out that a sleepy / just woke up jun has a tendency to be soft and a tiny bit needy.

the jokester friend who's always pranking jun & jun tries to one up them & get his revenge.

the LOATHING plot... idk what it would be for but they just literally can't stand each other & they make sure it's known to the world.

someone who puts up with his instagram persona and goes on shopping trips & appears in the dumb videos he uploads to both instagram & youtube.

speaking of,,,,, the 'dating' rumor. basically they're really close friends & are seen by the media together a lot so people just assume they're a thing & start getting hashtags about them trending as well as all the other fun stuff that goes along with that.

will add more as they come to mind !

#kumiho.intro #“ ━━ ◤ big dumbass energy. ┊ out of character. ◢#look i finally did it !!!

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scbines · 5 years

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WORD okay what up i’m ally, i’m twenty1, i use she/her pronouns, my timezone is est & small disclaimer: i don’t know what the fuck i’m doing, okay!! just keep that in mind when you .. go to read this complete shit storm okay i’m Trying.. anywhen! i may or may not have uhhh copied & pasted the majority of this from the last time i played her but.. that’s neither her nor there, tbh! if u wanna plot, feel free to hmu on discord at [mournful bagpipe music]#2581 or yk use the lil chat thing on tumblr if u aint got discord bhvfjn. MOVING ON..

cw: alcohol, neglect, sex ( & i think that’s it, folks! )

sab’s pinterest: here!

( sofia carson, cisfemale ) did you hear how SABINE VALDEZ is applying to columbia university as a PHILOSOPHY major ?! the TWENTY-ONE year old is living in the WATT HALL. i heard that they got in because they are +MAGNETIC and +INTREPID, but honestly i think SHE can be -FLIGHTY and -VOLATILE. they’re a real CATACLYSM. oh well, only time will tell if the JUNIOR will make it til the end.

imma just dive right in cos idk how else to go about it bgvjn

sabine grew up w/ a single mom in Detroit & they were basically skating the line between lower class and poverty, meaning they had like a proper house, but they were definitely behind on mortgage always and living paycheck to paycheck :// like when they went grocery shopping & sab would put anything but the basics in the cart her mom would look at her like ‘that’s a joke, right?’ and never could afford like birthday/christmas presents or cake or anything rip ( honestly not that sab’s mom gave enough a shit to even notice smh ) ! so everything was always a little .. hectic ig ? her mom couldnt ever relax unless she was blackout drunk so uhh that’s p much that on that sighs

even worse?? when sab was about eleven her mom got injured at work ( dont ask me How cos i have? no idea hibgfnjd i’ll flesh it out at some point.. maybe .. probably not.. ) so she and sab lived on disability checks and whatever small money sab could make helping her neighbors with like yard work/babysitting/shit like that until she was old enough to get a real job smh meaning she’s been working as long as she can remember god im exhausted just typing it

this basically left sab to raise herself, which .. most likely left her better off than if her mom paid her more attention tbh? cos her mom is selfish and doesnt care about anything but the next drink & the next man she’ll be inviting home smh !! the whole thing w/ her mom is that she Never Wanted kids but it wasn’t an option to abort or give sab up for adoption so she was Stuck raising a kid she never wanted .. truly .. rip ..

that said, sab’s mom was .. promiscuous to say the least .. all thru sab’s childhood there were countless nameless men in and out of their lives ranging from a day to a few weeks at most SIGHS anyways this of course led to sab having a seriously warped idea of what a healthy relationship is HELLO hvicnjm it’s super flawed to the point where she thinks the height of healthy relationship goals is to be exclusive for more than a few weeks smfh its wild tbh .. romance? dont know her! love? WHOMST? to sabine, there’s no point in bothering to rely or care for someone else because you’ll just end up disappointed so she ? keeps her distance for the most part.. relying Solely on herself cos thats the only person who wont let her down ( while also suffering from deeply rooted self-hatred? wow .. legends only .. )

anyways !! she Hated detroit like nobody’s business and always wanted nothing more than to Get Away from the toxicity of her home life and the suffocation of being the caregiver for a woman who will hardly get out of her bed gtg !!! so this led to her putting all her focus into after school jobs and making sure she was the top of her class At All Times like .. shes always been super determined and goal oriented but to a fault if that makes sense. she will work her ass off when given reason to, but once she’s accomplished that goal, she feels absolutely aimless sighs

bitch had .. like 3 jobs in hs and applied to a dozen schools, all of them at least 100 miles from detroit like Word ! she applied to columbia on a whim not thinking she’d get in but when she got that acceptance letter you can bet ur ass the bitch was Outta There!!

getting here tho … she isnt sure what to do next ihbvfcnj she never thought as far as majors and actually choosing what to do with the rest of her life so she?????? is undetermined about p much everything hgvifncjd but philosophy seems like the cop out she’s been looking for lmao !!!

anyways she works at a shitty diner not too far from campus like almost every day after classes but on weekends she COUGHS strips across town hibvfncj HA didnt see that coming did ya smh hibfnjd but!! she does it across town cos she lk wants it to stay a secret like she doesnt need to kick a frat boy’s ass for making shitty comments now does she??? but i mean .. its not something she’s ashamed of, she’s just Not Interested in having people she hates talk shit and slut shame ygm??

being so busy all the time, she doesn’t really have time for any school activities but she’s down for a party at any time ( esp if its like themed hbifnjd she loves a costume ) and uhh dtf too lbr shes v in touch w/ her sexuality #freethenipple ( does she even own a single bra?? we just don’t know! )

THAT SAID !! she doesnt correlate sex with like .. emotions?? cos shes never seen them in a situation where they’re mutually exclusive rip :// this led to her thinking people only ever Wanted Something from her be it her body or like a chance to put her down to feel better abt themselves smh ! she isnt a generally violent person but if it’s the latter she’s more likely to throw a few choice words in ur direction hvifcnj

generally, sab’s p much just ur Stressed Out Scholarship Student just trying to graduate so her life isnt a fucking trainwreck like her mom’s! she’s desperate for both human affection and adventure, so offer her one, the other or both and her heart is yours tbh! as much as she’ll pretend its not lmao !!1!1!!!!

anywhomst i cannot for the life of me think of anything else to type her atm since im??? garbage???? but !! mssg me if u wanna plot smthn out fam since uhh sab having friends??? sounds like a pipe dream tbh and im desperate for it lol!

#☆ — ❛ ooc. ❜#columbiaintro #this is embarrassing i can do better #but here we are ..

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spottedtrains-blog · 5 years

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henlo heathens ! it’s ur girl t(r)asha , [ uh did u kno ( r ) = that symbol .. cos i didn’t .. wild ] back with her dumbasses . i was around for the Og™ rp but i made some changes to my charries so yeet ! everything is under the cut and hmu if you’d like to plot , i’m v excited to rp with everyone ! i’m currently prepping to get on a train back to my hometown for reading week but if no one sits next to me i might fucc around ‘n rp a bit if not .. then i’ll be sticking to the im’s fhgjkhg <33

my son ! bobby callaghan is his name - movies , reckless driving , drugs , and befriending murderers is his game ! i have a bio HERE b/c i’m incapable of making intro posts that aren’t 100k bullet points long so in order to get away from that i’m just gonna put a few fun hc’s below !

his actual name is robert , but that’s a disgusting boring name , for boring people and he’s not gonna be that ! he thinks he’s the coolest , the bee’s knees , the lead singer . in reality he’s not , more like the drummer and the bee’s ass .

he’s actually rly smart , but u wldn’t be able to tell b/c he acts like a crackhead ( mayhaps because he’s on crack ? hm ) . he had the grades to study any the stem subjects post high school and prolly wld’ve thrived , but he chose to study cinema .. truly , braver than the us marines .

speaking of , he’s the owner of the theatre and he loves with it his whole entire ( probably ) failing heart ! if cinema is dying he’ll go down with this ship mhm . his favorite genre is horror , then pornography .. he wrote his final thesis on the benefits of pushing porn into mainstream media so fite him ! his fave director is david cronenberg /: hit him with that body horror .. also i like to hc that ownership was like passed down from the old owner who retired and bobby probably worked as like an usher or manager or something before that !!

his dicc is struggling , mayhaps he should cool it with the drugs .

he’s well aware of the gangs , fuccs with them , no. 1 murder fanboy .

WANTED CONNECTIONS

and they were roommates : listen they prolly have a kinda nice apartment which bobby makes disgusting , b/c he’s stinky . most definitely started a fire on the stove top multiple times , place always smells like weed , his room looks like urban outfitters on crack , always a movie playing in the bg ... fun !

movie skwad / film club : listen , ur chara like movies ? they in . if there’s a film club bobby can hosts screenings at the theatre .. also he screens a selection of weird finds every sunday after midnight ): it’ll be fun , they can all just chill , and discuss tarantino’s foot fetish ..

co-workers / manager : i mean ig it’s kinda hard for someone to pick up this connection if they not a new charrie but i love being dumb so .. he’s probably at the theatre 25/8 but like ,, he’s not the most organized , he relies on his trusty staff and manager so , idk !

drug dealer : even tho he’s from colorado springs i’d like to think he got into drugs after a trip down to valdez , and then he kept goin to valdez and the rest is history .. they’d probably have to be around the same age as hi m .. he’s a v loyal customer . maybe ur muse feels bad that he’s a right junkie .. maybe they don’t give a fucc ! they prolly v friendly tho : )

childhood friends : listen to sticks ’n’ stones by jamie t , and give me a friendship based on that ? basically kids who just got into a bunch of shit together , mostly this iconic lyric : and rushed back to your momma’s flat , it’s the only place but home i feel relaxed enough to crap , i know it sounds crude , but there’s something to that . iconic .

wow ! look at my daughter go - even though frances barely ever smiles . sad . click HERE for the tragic backstory , because below’s just gonna be some smexy headcanons ..

she loves electronic music and bad television .. she wouldn’t be able to tell you the name of the music ‘cos it’s always the stuff that plays at the club and she’s not technologically savvy enough to even know that shazam exist .. and she still uses like dvr , to record .. riverdale ? sweaty we wanna stan but ..

dancing’s her only reprieve in this cold , dark world ): .. she spends any days off in a rented studio at the local gym , choreographing dance after dance , it’s her favourite thing . she’s entirely self-taught , youtube & free drop in classes .. truly a blessing .

she’s painfully realistic , kinda blunt but in a rly awkward way ? she so conscientious of the way people receive her so she tries to be as direct as possible and it always comes off just so blank - she cares a lot, just doesn’t kno how to show it sometimes !

although she’s with the savages b/c she’s kinda indebted , she doesn’t rly feel that way ? girlie was rly depressed n it kinda gave her a purpose , though she does have guilt regarding her evading jail time .. b/c she thinks she deserves some kind of repercussion.

WANTED CONNECTIONS

college friends : she was literally in college for like a year .. barely .. but like maybe she found some friends ! who introduced her to the clubs ! gave her a lil bit of verve in life .. even if she spent the rest of the year drinking , clubbing and avoiding all academic responsibility ..

someone to learn that awfully cringy riverdale dance : don’t ask me why i want this, i just do and it’s VALID ok ! c’mon cowards it’ll be fun . they’ll be laughin while they do the slut drop it’ll be booty-ful

childhood friends : she’s a valdez native so like, she went to school here and grew up here and all that good stuff . up for any dynamic , maybe they grew apart , maybe they’re still just as close ? anything !

grocery store pals : even though she doesn’t work there anymore, she had been working there since she was fourteen and worked there for abt a decade give or take so suffice to say she knows her grocery store peeps ! n shops there regularly so hmu :)

lawyer : for when the thingy happened ! she probably has a strained relationship with them , grateful but also like .. shoulda just let me rot in jail kinda vibes !

#outlaw.intro #my url is so dumb dhfjgd .. i am aware .. my Mind #it's a conscious decision #anYWYAS i shld shut up and walk to the station so <3

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depressedtheatregirl · 4 years

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@hollywoodforeverr

who’s your celebrity crush?

probabl tom holland or 90′s leo dicaprio <3

are you single or taken?

taken, just got my first bf!

rant. just do it

I think that abortion should be legal because as of right now the only reason it’s illegal is because stupid men keep passing idiotic laws on womens bodies. Young ladies are told to be responsible and they wont get pregnant, but that’s not always the case!!

do you think its ok to separate the artist from the art?

No, I think that the artist should always at least get a credit if thats what you mean

how many accounts do you have?

Three. This one ( @depressedtheatregirl )

this one ( @fangirl-all-the-time-bi )

and this one, which i almost never post on ( @cottagecore-darkacademia )

how many pairs of shoes do you have?

We’re moving, so I got rid of a lot, but mainly 7

opinion on… (specify to the person you’re asking to)

i am confusion

how many accounts do you follow?

um let me check

180 because sometimes i sit and just follow all my recommended because people want followers and i think im a pretty nice person :)

favorite brand of clothing?

Idk but i love almost anything from shein and hot topic but im not goth i just love dark academia

name a dog

kingsley

or like BB so i could just call him/her baby

what unusual talent do you have?

crying for hours on end for no reason

i have a wide vocal range

what’s the most interesting schools gossip you’ve ever heard?

Best friends since 4th grade broke up because one called the other “fat and disgusting”

School hoe (my best friend) rejects popular “bad kid” for like the fourteenth time and switches to homeschool, screw it

ever prank called a store?

yeah me and my sister used to prank call Bojangles and just say in our most valley girl voice possible “Is this that WE HAVE THE MEATS place?” “omg NO beth, thats AR-BEES”

what’s your coffee order?

Starbucks: Venti Mango Dragonfruit Refresher with extra ice (call me basic but its good)

Dunkin: Small Caramel Latte with Extra Whip

what’s a question do you constantly get asked?

are you ok?

are you and Christian ever gonna date?

what the heck are you doing?

if you had to get a tattoo right now, what would you get and where?

I would get an anchor or a cross on my wrist (we love jesus here in this household)

I kind of want to get a tattoo that says ‘FEMINIST’ on my arm

google the top song from the year you were born

LOVE STORY BY TAYLOR SWIFT BABYYY (Also pls dont try to find out my age from this)

rant about your favorite musician

ok I love Barrett Wilbert Weed. She plays Janis in Broadway’s Mean Girls and Veronica in Broadway’s HEATHERS (My favortie musical) and she just has such a wide vocal range and strong belt, its just beautiful.

I LOVE TAYLOR SWIFT She has the same political views as i do, she’s such a boss, but she has a man too so yeah, she writes such great music, she just seems like an all around great person. Love her and my fave album is reputation.

what’s your favorite teacher you’ve ever had?

This is hard so im gonna put the top 3: NUMBER 1: My 4th grade teacher Mrs. Stone. She was super fun, she let us stand up and walk around during class if we needed to move, she read the first book of my favorite series, a series of unfortunate events, to the class, introducing me to it, and she and the 5th grade teacher had an ongoing prank war that ended up being a thing between the classes too. She moved to Scotland though. shes cool.

My 6th grade history teacher, now the principal of the school. He just made history SO fun, and he loves fanboying over harry potter with me. He’s just such a fun and hilarious person.

My 6th grade math teacher, now works at a performing arts school... teaching math. He had such a soothing monotone voice, i dont even know what was so great about him, other then he used to fanboy over harry potter with me and his voice was soothing. He was a great teacher and he loved making dad jokes and bringing his newborn to school. When he left, he wrote EVERY STUDENT IN THE SCHOOL A PERSONAL HANDWRITTEN GOODBYE NOTE. He had been there for like 10 years.

describe your blog in 3-5 words

Theater-kid-esque

swiftie

click

kind (ig i say nice things abt random blogs on it a lot so)

what’s a conspiracy you believe in?

nothing comes to mind

I dont believe in this, but i remember a cray alex jones theory that hillary clinton is the ringleader of a child s3x trafficking ring

if you could see any concert tonight what would you choose?

Taylor Swift Lover Stadium tour if it was still happening

if you could break one of your bad habits which would you choose?

NAIL BITING (I AM SO CLOSE)

can you dance? sing?

... can’t really dance without choreography, but I think I can sing. I love musical theater and so therfore i know most the words to a lot of broadway songs, which require a large vocal range, which i practice on a daily basis

what’s something you can’t stop buying?

various types of candy

anything organization

crowds or small groups?

depends I perform for crowds, but am uncomfortable performing for small groups.

I love hanging out with small groups, but get anxious with large crowds.

how long before a trip do you pack?

for summer camp, literally 2 months ahead i start packing

for trips, usually a couple days, maybe a week

what celebrity would you rate a PERFECT 10?

Barrett Wilbert Weed

Taylor Swift

LIZZO

what quote or inspirational setting do you think is bs?

your limitation is only your imagination

if you had to dye your hair an unnatural color right now, what would you choose?

red or yellow

you can change one thing about your life right now. what are you changing?

I go to a bigger private school with a better campus (i know which one I want to go to but i wont say)

how old do you get mistaken for?

14 or 15

what do you think about a lot

Christianity and sin, and interpretation of the bible. For example, i often wonder if watching porn is a sin or not? Not that Im interested in porn, cuz im not, but just is that a sin?

do you like your hogwarts house or do you wish you were a different one?

Even before I knew I was a Ravenclaw, i thought it was the best. We stan.

what does home mean to you?

The water must not taste weird

I must know how to use the shower

I must love the inhabitants of the building. My best friends house is home. My house is home. My grandparents house is home,

what do you think you’d be arrested for?

murder or jaywalking

have you ever been called down to the principals office?

Yeah, the most recent time was I made a girl mad and I tried to apologize to her but she walked away and her two friends formed a wall around her and hurled insults to me as she cried, and i yelled “WELL IF YOU DIDNT WANT ME TO APOLOGIZE THEN YOU SHOULDNTVE CAUSED A SCENE” and i slapped her

post a picture of the outfit you would choose if you could have any outfit you wanted

i tagged you in it

describe your aesthetic

dark academia-cottagecore

basically libraries and flowers, kind of a prep feel to it, but more depressing, which boosts my serotonin

answer with one of your ‘school memes’ (inside jokes you have with your class/grade) with no explanation

OH, GOODNESS GRACIOUS ME. There’s a back!

feel free to reblog or send me some if you’d like! this took forever so reblog please!

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