#one of which is journaling so I don't come on here anymore dumping my problems all over you | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

miss-anthropyxx · 2 years

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The internet used to be more of an escape for me... But now lately all I can think of every time I come online is this post:

(source) It just doesn’t hit the same as like 10-20 years ago. I keep coming to my same sites (probably part of the problem too) and I just don't feel as connected to others, but I'm also not getting as much of that dopamine hit either, so it's been losing its overall hold on me. Some people suck, or it's just too hard for me to regularly comment or do anything besides occasional liking. I'm just not getting as much out of it anymore and I can't seem to give as much either (content-wise or interaction-wise). I actually end up just feeling like shit in some way and then I turn on a comfort show. But then I also think it's maybe not a bad thing that I'm somewhat turning away from it.

But I don't have anywhere else to go with all my feels either. I try to journal but blogging has always been important to me for the connection to people or even just the feeling that someone, at least one person somewhere out there, probably read my writing. But again, I refer back to it just not "hitting the same" anymore lately. (Who knows though, cuz I'm writing this here right now still sooo...)

I mean the internet was bound to change, it wasn't going to be what it was forever. I probably just sound like I'm getting older, which I'm sure contributes. But I think all this stuff is still valid too. Honestly thank god for tumblr because it's probably the last shred of what the internet used to be.

Btw this post isn't to say I'm leaving or anything. Even though I am indeed on tumblr/online less, I doubt I'm leaving forever any time soon. I'm probably just whining and will be back to normal after this, knowing me.

Anyway I'm sad and I feel disconnected from my friends and family, and I always feel annoying and burdensome, and the world slowly ending is always in the back of my mind and I have stressful apocalypse dreams almost nightly, and I also can't control my spending/debt or my weed-smoking, and I'm caring much less about drinking more often too, and also I've been wistfully looking at self-harm pictures. And yeah. Just wanted to dump all that out even if blogging isn’t what it used to be for me.

#didn't want to hijack that person's post with my babbling so that's why i did the screenshot/link #depression #depreshun #depresjon #self h4rm #self h@rm #personal

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randomslasher · 5 years

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How do you deal with an unbridled rage that consumes you to your very core without doing something stupid 'cause at this point I don't know if I can keep it down anymore and it scares me

Oof, that can be really really tough. I recently have been dealing with some anger issues (the result of a combination of internal and external factors) and as someone who never used to get angry very often, it was really really tough to deal with at first.

Fortunately, I have a partner who is very well-versed in dealing with and managing anger, and she was able to give me some pointers, which I’ll now pass along to you:

1) See if you can identify the cause of your anger. Are you mad about your current job or school situation? Angry with a parent or friend? Fuming about our current political state? Or is your anger more nebulous and ill-defined? Looking for a cause for your anger can really help you find ways to manage it.

If, for example, your anger is due to politics, then find time to step away from things for awhile. Block tags on tumblr or avoid news sites for a bit. Even the most involved political activists warn against burn-out. It’s important to step away from the situation now and then and preserve your mental health!

Alternately, if your anger is coming from a negative relationship, see if you can find a way to have a conversation about it with the person involved. Sometimes people can be making you angry without realizing it! A conversation (when you’re as calm as possible) can go a long way toward clearing the air and helping you manage your anger.

2) Find someone to talk to. Managing an emotion on your own can get overwhelming. Find someone you can talk to--a friend, a teacher, a co-worker, a counselor or therapist--who can help you by listening to your concerns. Just talking it out can be incredibly helpful. For me, finding out I wasn’t alone was a huge relief.

An important caveat, though--make sure whoever you talk to is in a good place to help you. Dumping your issues or your emotional problems on someone without obtaining their consent first is a good way to harm your relationship with them, and potentially cause them harm as well. Always ask first.

3) Give yourself permission to be mad! This was a big one for me. Because I was not used to anger in general, I was not only feeling angry, I was feeling horribly guilty about that anger. I thought I was becoming a bad person because I was getting angry, which was simply not true!

The reality is, you cannot control your automatic emotional response to something. Emotions just happen. Give yourself permission to have the emotion, and don’t beat yourself up for having it. Let it burn itself out, then step back when you’re in a better head space and examine the emotion, its cause, and (potentially) some solutions. Should you avoid talking to a certain person, maybe, or unfollow a particular blog? Should you not bring up certain topics with certain people in your life? I’ve learned to avoid religion with my grandma and politics with some of my coworkers--it’s just better for everyone’s sanity!

4) Find ways to burn off the emotion. Anger, unchecked, can become very toxic indeed. People become irrational, or violent, and can cause harm to themselves or others.

Instead of letting your anger fester to that point, find a constructive outlet for it. Scream into a pillow or go to the gym and work out. Run around the block (if you’re able!). Go play a violent video game, or vent by writing down your thoughts and feelings in a journal. Sometimes just getting the feelings out can go a long way toward making you feel better!

I hope some of these suggestions are helpful to you, anon. I’m not an expert by any means, so I leave this open to anyone else who wants to add on their suggestions for dealing with anger. The big take-away here is that you’re not alone, you’re not bad for feeling angry (no matter the cause), and find a safe way to help externalize that feeling so it doesn’t overwhelm you.

Good luck, anon!

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rareslikespastelpink · 2 years

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Meh

Yeah, yeah I'm getting the cold shoulder once again. I really wanted to show him those pictures, that's all I wanted to do. I know towards the end it seemed like I was ignoring him, but that's not what my intentions were. Doesn't matter because it still comes off that way and honestly no one likes being ignored. I get it.

Yes I'm still over thinking how to act around him. It's pretty normal, at least for me it is, to do this around someone I like. So sue me I guess? No no I'm joking. But seriously I get it, it's been about 3 years? And I'm still acting like that? It's just I question what to say after I've said hi to him and I see him again.

I was waiting til the end, but then I realized I could have walked down with him and when he came out from fixing stuff to show him the pictures. I didn't want to pull out my phone in the production area.

Trust me I'm over everything, it's just certain behaviors have carried over.

To be honest I don't need to act a specific way. Just treat him as I treat anybody else I like being around. Which typically involves me yelling their name when I see them, because I'm happy to see them. Won't that be too much though?

I guess I could try it? For now I think that's a bad idea. I'm just going to go with the flow and say absolutely nothing.

Even if I don't like them I don't want anyone to be mad at me. Just want to be on decent terms with people. I don't want any problems.

No more second guessing. Because then they might think you're mad at them and then they get mad at you because they didn't do anything wrong. Then they're probably thinking how much of a bitch you are. Now this part was for humor, but seriously.

But yeah I'm not going to do anything. Just going to let things be. Because normally if a person doesn't want to talk to you then they don't. Yes I broke my rule of no posting at work. This really bugged me today and I needed relief. No I won't be posting about him anymore.

I just needed to clear my head and now I feel relieved. Alright bye.

I also felt like this was appropriate to post about since I don't want to spend the whole day thinking about it. It's easier to dump this here than in a journal. *shrug*

Granted I could be wrong about all of this, but oh well. I feel better now.

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