moo for me babygirl

time to vent into the nothingness

Oof I don’t like to offend people and I know tumblr is the place to get killed over any wrong phrase, but I like to joke about killing myself and I do it alot. I make racist jokes all the time. Y’know all too well those who make school shooter memes and pedophilic jokes. Sometimes that’s just a way to cope I guess. For me, I’ve dealt with thoughts of suicide, I dealt with situations that make me fear going to school or a certain relative’s house. The way I cope is by making satire jokes and making fun of those situations, It’s not that I think their okay, because they’re not, but I find it easier to just disregard their morbid integrity through jokes than sulking about them because it makes it seem more normal. Normal isn’t always good, but at least I’m not out here hating everyone and everything anytime I have to socialize. All of this probably makes no sense because I’m legit just writing down whatever comes to mind and my fingers just seem to be moving along with it. I had two cups of coffee tonight because I have a two part novel project due tomorrow morning that I havent even started on because Im stupid and all i know how to do is procrastinate, I mean I could yknow use my time that ive wasted writing all of this into actually working on my project but i just have so many things running through my head that ive just disregarded correct grammar and punctuation. Im trying my best on spelling right now and trying not to abbreviate. is that how you spell it? I dont know and i dont care at this point. I honestly doubt that anyone’s gonna read this, much less read this all the way. Im sure a lot of these people have way better things to do like fap to their furry porn or something lmao im done i need to sleep. too bad i cant because im hella retarded and decided it was a good idea to basically pump caffeine into my bloodstream. there was barely any creamer too so my coffee was kinda bitter. still good tho. im not even sure if it was ok to have any dairy because i ate shrimp earlier and like my mom has this dumb superstition that if you drink milk or anything dairy after or before eating shrimp, your stomach will hurt or something. What Im thinking tho is that ive seen some people make some weird dishes using like cream and shrimp or whatever and thats totally ok but like you cant eat some hawaiian shrimp and then have a glass of milk and a bread afterwards cus youll potentially be shitting all night. Oh fuck idek how long ive been writing but im starting to lose feeling in my right arm. only my hands have been moving and Im not sure if thats healthy but oof thats whats happening. OOOOOOf i dont know what im saying anymore please kill me and put me out of my misery. if i stop writing for even two seconds i feel the need to stand up and run around and i dont think thats a good thing. i dont think ive ever typed this long without a break not even on school assignments or essays. im not even thinking about what im saying unlike if i were in an essay id have to stop every two seconds to think about what im writing and going back to fix every gramatical error and oof that just seems like too much work., should i post this ?? maybe not maybe idk will this confuse people? will i get hundreds of notes from similar depressed teens all saying “same” in contributions to my post? maybe maybe not. decisions decisions im probably gonna shoot myself after this i dont know im battling with all my emotions rn and im honestly so conflicted its like my brain is having a little conversation with itself on whether it wants to let my logicality or emotions take over my thoughts and then some anxiety is there too so like oooof i d ont know anymore kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me i almost wrote jill me and that would have been extremely sad or extremely funny there is no in between damnit ok im going numb in my right pinkie i think this is a sign to stop typing so thats what im gonna do. uhhh gnight tumblr and whoever reads this congrats to you and if u got any hate to say go on it only feeds my depression and satirical humor even more. i love you stay safe make sure you go pee before you trick or treat and eat all the razor blades byeeee!!!!@~!111