Happy Tears

#OffTheDerech

I think this was one of the most intersting/#academic #interviews I ever did, and a really well written article. We focused on how and what a “Post-Ex-Orthodox” form of #Judaism can look like - for those interested. About a cultural life that goes beyond our past of “what we no longer are”, beyond just being #OfftheDerech - taking with us the knowledge and things we still enjoy from the past, and creating something entirely new. I did this interview last fall when I spoke for ~8 hours back to back at the @slifka.center , @Yale University. It was published at the end of spring in #Shibboleth, a Jewish undergrad journal at #Yale. We spoke about @OneOfUsfilm, #JewishRenewal/Reb Zalman/@romemunewyork, @footstepsorg, as well as shout outs to many people doing work with, and within our community. As well as how the #ExOrthodox and broader (secular) Jewish community can help each other. I might not agree with every statement of this article (especially about me coming back to 'observance'), but it's defintely one of my favorites. I don't think it's online, so here are pictures of the full article: (at Yale University) https://www.instagram.com/p/BmzEG04HpWa/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=x5ys8cuqe164

#nnnnm #nanach #na_nach #na_nach_nachma_nachman_mayuman #nanachnachmanachmanmeuman #rabbinachman #nachman #nachmanism #judaism #breslov #torah #derecheretz #hafatza #israel #breslover #tefillin #repent #repentance #teshuva #balteshuva #otd #offthederech #comingback #comeback #suitup https://www.instagram.com/p/B1ddrfClBcV/?igshid=si6sk759iw6d

This is Melissa Weisz in her Williamsburg apartment wearing traditional Hasidic clothing. She left the Satmar community in Borough Park 10 years ago when she was 24 years old. She said leaving her community, especially her husband, parents, 6 sisters, and 2 brothers, was the most terrifying and liberating moment in her life. “I wish I could’ve stayed. After trying for years, I was finally ready to lose and risk everything to live the life that felt right to me. But I had so much guilt and shame for leaving, hurting the people I love most. It was a painful process. My family is so important to me and I didn’t want to hurt my husband. He’s a good person. When I first left, I had a roommate who also left the religious community. She struggled a lot and took her own life. It was scary. I think my family worried that would happen to me if I felt alone and not supported. They have made a lot of effort to accept my choices and we’ve worked hard on our relationship. I don’t feel alone, but I often feel like a foreigner in my own city. That’s why most of my friends are European. Maybe we connect as outsiders living in this big unfamiliar world together.” The second photo is Melissa in her bedroom. She is a producer and actor, often cast in yiddish speaking roles. Thank you so much @melissaweisz @voguemagazine @rubenramos #offthederech #americanwomen #transformations #voguemagazine #womenshistorymonth

I think we all need to stop for a second and appreciate how incredibly exhilarating it is to leave a high-demand religion. Not to romanticize the experience-- I know first-hand how much fear, pain, loss, and exhaustion it entails-- but there comes a point when you emerge from the woods, stumbling past the treeline, and find yourself looking up in awe at the bright, blazing sun.

Have you ever felt this warmth before? Or been surrounded by so much open space?

Socializing with non-apostates is odd. Like they're just chilling and meanwhile your internal monologue is like

I need to tell you immediately it'll never come up please ask more questions it doesn't matter you think I'm a freak you don't even care I need you to understand it's impossible to explain I was raised in a cult I'm literally so normal.

I love you apostates I love you sinners I love you "lost lambs" I love you everyone who is forging their own path instead of the one "God" had planned for them.

ATTENTION EVERYONE!! SPRING IS APPROACHING! ARE YOU READY TO DO YOUR PART BY DRESSING IN A MANNER THAT IS BOTH SCANDALOUS AND SINFUL??!!

I know I've said it before but honestly. Such an important and beautiful part of the ex-religious/apostate/whichever term you prefer is the unbridled joy and overwhelming gratitude of shedding the weight of the rules you've learned to live with.

What lightness!

It changes your life so radically. Like, the college I'm hoping to go to wouldn't even have been an option if I still had to worry about finding kosher food and shabbos meals. But now? The only person who matters in this decision is myself, and I will choose what's best for me.

But that's just the fancy stuff! Every day I enjoy the little delights of freedom.

I don't feel guilty about not spending 45 minutes every day praying! I don't dread fasts! I can dance in public! I can attend events on Saturday! I wear clothes that make me feel comfortable! I can cut my fingernails in any damn order I please!

What joy! What beauty! My gratitude towards God has been replaced with gratitude towards myself for having the courage to break free, and everyone who helped me along the way! Huzzah!!

Let me know what you're grateful for!!!

Hey guys, how did you use to picture God/Hashem/Allah back when you still believed. I was always told not to think of Him as having a physical form, but I couldn't help but imagine him as a giant, with the face and hair of Tom Petty, wearing this black robe with purple flowers my neighbor always wore on Friday nights.

I'm sure there's a logical psychological explanation for that, but I can't for the life of me imagine what it is.

Anyways, I'm curious to know your answers.

God's not punishing you, you just made shitty decisions.

:')

Had a convo about religion with some co-workers the other day that was very nice. It took me a while to figure out why I wasn't as uncomfortable as usual, but I got it eventually:

They were more focused on the process of leaving and how it's affected my life, as opposed to "omg u used to do that?!? 😱"

It made me feel... like they were seeing my story as an insight into who I am as a person, as opposed to a novelty.

Thanks, co-workers :)

Quotes That Will Hit Formerly Religious People Where It Hurts, Pt. 6

You do not have to be good.

You do not have to walk on your knees

for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.

You only have to let the soft animal of your body

love what it loves.

-Mary Oliver, Excerpt from Wild Geese

A Short Poem About Leaving Religion

Now that I'm officially a sinner

Everything I do

Tastes as sweet as Eve's first

Crisp apple

A miracle of my own making.