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clockwayswrites · 11 months

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Like Beta Fish Do Part 21

wc 3874 Masterpost

“I’ve got nothing else to add,” Jason said as he turned from closing the door behind Danny. He refused to let his boyfriend miss any more classes because of him. He understood yesterday, but he was up and moving now and it wasn’t like Dick was going to leave any time soon.

Dick who obviously still had questions.

Questions Jason didn’t want to answer.

He wasn’t ready to tell his brother he was still dead.

“Jay…,” Dick sighed, setting the plate he’d just finished washing carefully on the towel where the others were drying. It was careful in a way that told Jason Dick had half wanted to throw the plate across the room. “You’ve got to understand… I didn’t look into Danny. No one has looked into Danny. I ignored my instincts and my training and just let you have this because you trusted me. And then I come into that…”

“I do trust you, Dickie,” Jason forced himself to say. It was easier to admit than it used to be. “Don’t you trust me?”

“Jaybird, you know I do,” Dick said as he crossed the room. He rested his hands on Jason’s cheeks, brushing his thumbs under those green tinted eyes. “But you scared me.”

“I get that. I’m not…” Jason huffed out a breath of air and let his head thud back against the door. Why did finding the right words still have to be so hard? “It’s not wrong that you were scared. I’m not trying to… this isn’t me invalidating that. But I’ve… haven’t I been happier, big bird?”

“You have,” Dick whispered his assurance.

“Then trust me,” Jason pleaded. “And trust that I trust Danny. I’m happier because of him. Not just… not just because I care about him. I promise, Dick, this isn’t my heart clouding my head. I was taking the ectoshots before my heart got involved, and they are helping. I feel… it’s so much easier now, Dick, so much easier just to feel.”

Dick slumped forward, his head rested against Jason’s chest. Jason let him, wrapping one heavy arm around Dick’s shoulder’s. He didn’t miss how his brother’s ear was pressed right over his heart.

“Will it go away? The Pit rage?” The question caught in a hitched breath, like Dick was afraid to ask it.

“Completely? I don’t know— we don’t know.” Jason said honestly. He had to swallow his own unsteady breath back. “I don’t think so. I think it’s too far burrowed into my bones to ever go away. I think it’s stained my soul. But I think… I think that a lot of the active parts of it are being washed away. I may always be stained by it, but I don’t have to live by it.”

Dick sighed. His shoulders slumped as he let himself lean almost boneless against Jason. “And he makes you want to live.”

“He does.”

“Alright, Jay, I’ll trust him. Because I want you to keep wanting.”

Jason dropped a kiss to the top of Dick's head, murmuring into his hair, “Thanks, big bird.”

“You’ve been quiet, Danny,” Sam suspiciously pointed out.

It was their monthly ‘is everyone still (mostly) alive’ video chat, as Tucker named it. Which normally Danny enjoyed; it was great to be able to check up with the others. It’s just that right then was really, really bad timing.

Because he did have things to tell and they were going to flip.

“He has been,” Val agreed, leaning forward. “What are you hiding?”

Danny rubbed at the back of his neck. “Well, um, I’m just getting ready to go to the Realms?”

“On ‘is everyone still, mostly, alive’ chat day? Dude!” Tucker said, clutching a dramatic hand to his chest. “How could you?”

“Oh come on— Sam and Val made plans first! We always had a hard cut off,” Danny defended himself.

“Oh excuse us for wanting to support our friends and go see the play they’re in,” Val said.

“I’m not— I’m not the one with the issue!”

“No— don’t let him get off topic,” Sam said, throwing her arm in front of Valerie. “He’s trying to distract us.”

Rude. It was true, but rude.

“Right, so um, Jason?” Danny started. He had gotten permission from Jason to tell them, but it was still a struggle to start.

“Your ‘friend’,” Sam said, with air quotes.

“Who could kill you with his thighs,” Val added.

“And who you won’t let me stalk,” Tucker sulked.

“Yes, him.” Danny rolled his eyes. He tried to not let the nerves get him and continued right into it. “So he’s, well, um, sorta a halfa?”

Danny practically lunged to turn down the volume on the call as everyone shouted at once.

“Everyone shut up!” Sam eventually yelled. “Danny, what the fuck do you mean he’s sorta a halfa?”

“I, um, well, I mean that he died and came back, but his ecto was a little messed up so he didn’t really form fully? Like, he felt like a ghost but he doesn’t— didn’t have a real core. We’re pretty sure it’s forming fully now, which is why we’re going to the Far Frozen to get him checked out.”

“Dude,” Tucker said.

Danny managed a crooked smile. “I know, right?”

“How?” Val stressed.

“I’ve been giving him ectoshots. Sorta like a transfusion? It’s jump starting things,” Danny said. “He had his third one just the other day.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell us,” Sam said, crossing her arms. “And he doesn’t want to kill you?”

“Look, it was his secret! I couldn’t just tell people—” Danny cut himself off at a knock on his door.

“Is that him?” Tucker asked, leaning forward. “Dude, bring him in!”

“Well will you look at the time! I guess Sam and Val have to get going!”

Sam scowled. “Danny, don’t you dare—”

“And he’s totally not trying to kill me!” Danny said loudly over her. “Since we’re, you know, dating. Bye guys! Have fun at the play!”

He hung up over their renewed shouting with a grin. That would come back to bite him, but he couldn’t regret it— not when it got him out of that conversation for now.

Danny’s smile fell into something uneasy as he opened the door. “Hey, come in.”

They had talked since that night, of course, but they hadn’t seen each other. Danny raked his eyes over Jason, as if just by looking he could tell how the other was doing.

“Hey fish, I’m alright. I’m healing well thanks to you,” Jason assured him.

Danny almost bristled. It was what he wanted to know, of course, but he didn’t want to be coddled. “Good, because we’re going into the Infinite Realms and they can be dangerous. So you’re going to stay close to my side and you’re going to listen to everything I say and we are going to see Frostbite to make sure you didn’t permanently injure your core getting stabbed as it was coming in! Because you were a reckless idiot and were out fighting crime while going through a transformation of your very being!”

“Are we talking about this now?”

“Don’t get cheeky—”

“I’m not,” Jason insisted. When Danny just scowled, Jason stepped forward. He cradled Danny’s face gently. “I’m not. I just want to make sure now is when you want to talk about this. I don’t want to push you.”

Danny swallowed around the lump of tension in his throat and gave a nod.

Jason let out a little breath. “I’m sorry.”

“What?”

“I’m sorry. You’re right, and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been out like that while this was going on. I was just— you know the first time I got sick from the ectoshot? The family was bugging me for weeks about it. They were…” Jason paused as if turning the words around in his head. “They were worried, I guess— no, I get now, because I had missed a few patrols, because I never miss patrols. I’m used to going out there and doing what I need to do no matter what’s going on or what state I’m in. I’m used to not having anyone… no, I’m used to not relying on anyone because I feel like I can’t. Because the Pit lies. It makes it feel like… I’m used to feeling like I don’t have anyone. Even though I have my family and you… I’m still trying to get used to that idea without the Pit in the way. So you’re right, and I’m sorry.”

“You could have died,” Danny choked out.

“I know.”

Danny shook his head. “You could have died and would I have even known? Would Dick have thought to tell me? And even if he did what lie would he have given? I would have just felt you… you would have just been gone, Jason! You would have died and shattered apart and you would have been gone! And I never would have known how—”

Jason yanked Danny against him, holding him so tightly that it was almost hard for Danny to breathe.

He pressed in closer.

“I know, and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

They stood there, clinging to each other, and Danny let himself fall apart a little— like he had been putting off since that night. Jason carded gentle fingers through Danny’s hair as Danny shook in his arms.

“Great. Now I’m crying,” Danny said with a pathetic sniffle when he felt worn out by his emotions.

“That’s okay,” Jason murmured.

“I didn’t mean to make this about me.”

“That’s okay too. You’re allowed to be upset, fish.”

“I’ll feel better once we get your core checked out,” Danny admitted, finally pulling back, wiping at his face.

“I’ll listen to everything you say,” Jason promised.

“You better,” Danny said, trying to sound firm. “First off, wear this.”

Danny shoved an absurdly thick coat at Jason, but he took it and put it on without comment. He really did seem like he was going to listen to Danny. Danny just tossed his own ectocase around his shoulders and let the white rings wash over him, transforming into Phantom.

He turned away from Jason, taking a moment to gather himself, before he ripped open a portal to the Realms.

“I know you told me yetis, but still,” Jason said with a motion at the village around him.

“Something to see, isn’t it?” Danny asked with a little grin. The smile was still a little shaky looking, but it was far better than how Danny had looked in his apartment.

Jason felt horrible for how he had worried Danny and Dick. He had been stupid, and it had been people he cared about that had paid for it. He would take any smiles that Danny could muster right then, even shaky ones.

“So how does it work, having a yeti as a doctor when you’re human?”

“I mean, I’m not right now, am I?” Danny said, motioning to his stark white hair. “I’m a ghost and all ghosts are just a core surrounded by an ectoplasmic form. That form can look like a human or a yeti or an evil plant with a chip on its shoulder—”

A what?

“—but, like, that’s just the appearance of the ectoplasm. With enough effort and will we can completely change that appearance, but most beings stick with something close to their living form, at least for those of us that were alive. Frostbite has explained that because the form we had as the living is basically imprinted on our core, so it’s the easiest and the most natural form for our ectoplasm to take. Minor changes like hair and clothing are easy, because we changed those all the time when alive, but bigger changes take more effort and a level of upkeep.

“You and I are a little unique as halfas. We’re in flux in a way that other ghosts aren’t. My from has pretty naturally aged up as my human half has, for example, though Frostbite thinks that I could still very easily revert back to the age I was when I died if I wanted too, since that’s part of the original imprint.”

Not for the first time, Jason couldn’t help but dread what his ghost form might be. If he was lucky, he’d simply change into an inverted Red Hood. But when has he been lucky like that? There was a far too certain part of Jason that knew he’d come back as he had been in the warehouse: a scared kid who had been murdered.

A Robin.

He didn’t know if he could stand to be back in that uniform.

Jason did his best to push the thought aside. If he worried about it, he’d just let it consume him. He didn’t want to be in that mindset— especially not when he was in an unknown place; not that Danny would let anything happen to him.

Besides, there was too much to look at to be lost in his own head.

“Frostbite!” Danny called out suddenly, rushing forward towards a large yeti with a crystal arm.

The yeti smiled. That was… a lot of teeth. “Great One!”

Great one?

“Are you unwell or simply here for a visit? How are you handling the lack of haunt? Come, we should look you over anyways.”

“Frostbite, I’m fine, really, but I want you to check over Jason. There was a little… incident,” Danny said. He turned to motion to Jason and waved him over. “Frostbite, this is Jason, the other halfa I’ve told you about. Jason, this is Frostbite, chief of this village and my physician.”

“It is an honor to meet another friend of the Great One,” the Chief said with a pleasant smile.

“Thanks,” Jason said, shooting Danny a look at the ‘great one’ title. Danny just rubbed at the back of his neck bashfully. “Danny’s told me how you both worked out the idea for the ecotshots for me. I appreciate the help.”

“Of course! I am always here to help a halfa with their health. There are so few of you, it is the least that I can do to offer my aid,” Frostbite said with a little half bow. “Come, we should head inside where we will have some privacy.”

“Thank you,” Jason said, aware that he was getting more than a few looks from the residents. He bundled a little deeper into his coat as they made their way inside to what was clearly a medical room, despite the wholly unusual architecture.

Frostbite motioned for Jason to take a seat on the medical bed. “Now, are you alright with King Phantom being in the room for your examination?”

“Yes,” Jason answered quickly, swallowing back the words that he’d much rather Danny be there than not. “He’s been involved so far anyways.”

“Very well,” Frostbite said and shut the door behind Danny. “There was an incident I am told?”

Jason gave a little nod. “Danny thinks it was my core coming in finally. But I was in the middle of a fight. I, ah… help protect my city. It threw me off and I got stabbed. It was a pretty bad wound.”

Danny scoffed. When Frostbite looked his way he crossed his arms with a scowl. “He could have died. I gave him an ectoshot, third one, but I’m still worried that getting hurt that badly when his core was properly forming hurt something.”

“Ah, well, we can certainly look into that, hum?” Frostbite pulled on something that seemed to be a stethoscope of some sort connected to a pitch tuner. He gestured with it for permission and Jason nodded. “What did your core feel like?”

“Burning,” Jason answered. “Is… that a bad thing?”

“Not if it is a core that is meant to burn,” the yeti said with a rumbling chuckle as he pressed the stethoscope to Jason’s chest. “Now, think a happy thought.”

“Really? What is this, Peter Pan?”

Danny covered a snort of laughter.

“Not a reference I know,” Frostbite admitted.

“They, ah, think happy thoughts to fly in the story,” Jason explained awkwardly.

“Well, as ghosts can fly and our cores are heavily responsive to our emotions, perhaps not a bad analogy,” Frostbite said. “Now, happy thoughts, please.”

Closing his eyes, Jason took a breath and let it out slowly as he grasped for something happy to think of. It was… easier than it used to be. Meals with the family, tea with Alfred, and Danny. Danny smiling in wonder in the planetarium. Danny whooping as he dashed through the waves. Dancing with Danny in the town square.

Kissing Danny.

“And there we are,” Frostbite murmured.

“How is it?” Danny asked anxiously.

“Shush.”

Now Jason felt anxious.

“Such worry,” Frostbite said as he pulled away with a chuckle. “The core is a bit quiet, perhaps, but it is still young. I do not hear any cracking or strange reverberations. The humming was strong for the age of the core. You have not transformed yet?”

“No,” Jason said, trying not to let that fear grip him about that.

Frostbit nodded. “It would be best to not yet do so. One more ectoshot at least before you try, perhaps two. There would be no harm in having another one soon to help with the growth.”

“Can you top us off?” Danny asked as he wiggled the case he’d brought at Frostbite.

“Of course, we will see to that before you leave. While you are here, Jason, would you wish to find out what type of core you have?”

“Yes, of course,” Jason said, both curious and wanting to make sure the burning was something he was supposed to feel.

“I will be right back then,” Frostbite said.

Once the yeti had left, Jason glanced over at Danny. “Feeling better?”

“Yeah. I’m glad it’s nothing, but I needed us to check, you know?”

“Hey, fish, I get it. I don’t mind having come. Who gets to say they’ve met yetis?”

“You will plenty, he’s your doctor now too,” Danny pointed out. “Oh, and I want you to take this ectocase and store it somewhere Dick can get to it if you’re hurt again, alright?”

“Sure, fish,” Jason said. He’d give Danny that little bit of security. “I’ll have it stored in the Cave and tell Dick about it.”

“Okay, good,” Danny said, letting out a tense breath.

“Hey, come here.”

When Danny stepped close, Jason tucked Danny to stand in between his lefts and gently cupped his face. “I’m going to do everything I can to be safe. I’m not going to go out on patrol right now. I’ll work with Dick to find an excuse until my core is solid. I’m sorry I scared you. I didn’t think about how this would affect everything else. But I promise you, I’m going to do everything I can to be safe now that I get it.”

“Sorry I’m worrying.”

“None of that, you’re allowed to worry,” Jason said, brushing his lips against Danny’s forehead. “Just also trust me to do my best. I just got you, I’m not going to leave you.”

“Okay,” Danny said with another measured breath. “I trust you, I do.”

“Ah, should I return in a moment?” Frostbite asked softly from the doorway.

“No, it’s fine,” Danny said, pulling back from Jason. “Really. I want to know what Jason’s core is also.”

Frostbite gave a little nod and opened the case he was carrying. In it, cradled in soft velvet, was a glass ball. Or, at least, what looked like a glass ball to Jason. It was slightly cool when Frostbite set it in Jason’s cupped hands.

“Now Jason, this will show us what your core is by projecting the appropriate imagery into the sphere. You must close your eyes and focus inside yourself. It may be harder for you in this form, but attempt to feel that burning again.”

Jason did as he was told, thinking back to the feeling on the night he was stabbed and the little flares of heat he had sensed since. He could feel it, just barely, as this heat inside his chest. It was this faint, churning ball of warmth sitting under his sternum.

“Oh,” Danny breathed. “That’s beautiful.”

“Yes,” Frostbite rumbled. “Stay focused, but you may open your eyes.”

Jason paused. He was almost afraid to know. This was the first real thing— the first proof that he was still half dead. But he had to face it.

He opened his eyes.

The sphere was glowing so brightly orange it was almost hard to look at. The light spilled through cracks and fissures of an ashen black surface that split and shifted and formed.

“…lava?”

“Lava,” Frostbite confirmed. “A powerful force. It can be destructive. It can spread across the land, decimating everything in front of it.”

Jason’s breath hitched. Of course he was a force of destruction and death. Of course he—

Frostbit’s large hands gently surrounded his, partially shielding the light from the sphere. “But it can also be creation. It can make whole new islands. And the earth left behind by a lava flow is incredibly rich— life blooms from it. It is a duality. Very fitting, I would think, for a halfa.”

The next breath shuddered through Jason, right to his center where that warmth sat. He swallowed heavily against the lump in his throat. “I… yeah.”

Frostbite carefully took the sphere from Jason’s hand, the lava flared once before it the sphere was clear again. Frostbite turned around to put it away, and Jason was pretty certain it was all so that he could have a moment to compose himself.

He didn’t even realize he was crying until Danny stepped close to wipe the tears away. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, sorry. I just…” Jason cleared his throat. “I guess it was just a lot suddenly, seeing that.”

“I meant what I said, it was beautiful,” Danny said.

Jason smiled. He was sure it was more than a little watery, but it was an honest smile. “Thank you.”

“Now, do you have any questions about your core?” Frostbite asked.

Jason took a moment to think about that. “I won’t… there’s no way for me to hurt Danny, is there? With him having an ice core.”

“No,” Frostbite said with another one of his chuckles. “In a normal situation, you would have an advantage in a fight, should you use your elemental powers, but King Phantom has a way of assuming the powers that he battles against. He has very few weaknesses in that manner. And you will be of no harm being simply near him. In fact, it may be a nice balance— he runs cold and you warm. If one was being poetic, one could say you are made for each other.”

“You’re talking like it’s fate.”

“With the Great One, it’s never wise to rule anything out,” Frostbite said with a chuckle. “Come now, let us see to getting you ecto and let you go on your way. I am sure it has been a long day.”

It really had; long, but not bad.

Not bad at all.

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AN: This chapter fought me with my poor health, but here we are! And we finally figure out what Jason's core is! I hope everyone likes the choice~

And things also continue to settle down a little. Though Danny is going to be hounded by his friends for sure!

Stay delightful, darlings!

I no longer tag people. You can instead subscribe to be notified at the masterpost!

#dp x dc #dead on main #like betta fish do

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aboveallarescuer · 4 years

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Dany being self-critical or at least self-aware

As I was rereading ASOIAF, I made it my goal to compile all* the book passages demonstrating either certain key attributes of Daenerys Targaryen (e.g. that she's compassionate and smart) or aspects of hers that are usually overstated (e.g. that she's ambitious and prophecy-driven). Doing such a task may seem exaggerated, but I'd argue it's not, for many, many misconceptions about Dany have become widespread in light of the show's final season's events (and even before).

It must be acknowledged that it can be tricky to reference, say, ADWD passages to counter-argument how she was depicted in season eight (which allegedly follows ADOS events). Dany will have had plenty of character development in the span of two books. However, whatever happens to Dany in the next two books, I would argue that there is more than enough material to conclude that her show counterpart was made to fall for flaws that she (for the most part) never had and actions that she (for the most part) would never take. (and that's not even considering the double standards and the contradictions with what had been shown from show!Dany up until then, but that's obviously out of the scope of these lists)

Another objection to the purpose of these lists is that Game of Thrones is different from A Song of Ice and Fire and should be analyzed on its own, which is a fair point. However, the show is also an adaptation of these books, which begs the questions: why did they change Dany's character? Why did they overfocus on negative traits of hers or depicted them as negative when they weren't supposed to be or gave her negative traits that were never hers to begin with? Another fact that undermines the show=/=books argument is that most people think that the show's ending will be the books', albeit only in broad strokes and in different circumstances. As a result, people's perception of Dany is inevitably influenced by the show, which is a shame.

I hope these lists can be useful for whoever wants to find book passages to defend (or even simply explore different facets of) Dany's character in metas or conversations.

*Well, at least all the passages that I could find in her chapters, which is no guarantee that the effort was perfectly executed, but I did my best.

Also, people could interpret certain passages differently and then come up with a different collection of passages if they ever attempted to make one, so I'm not saying that this list is completely objective (nor that there could ever be one).

Also, some passages have been cut short according to whether they were, IMO, relevant to the specific topic of the list they're in, so the context surrounding them may not always be clear (always read the books and use asearchoficeandfire). Many of them appear in different lists, sometimes fully referenced, sometimes not.

I listed the passages back to front because I felt doing so highlighted Dany's evolution better.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To justify the existence of this list, let's see examples of widespread opinions that I feel misrepresent Daenerys Targaryen:

[I]f you are the person who has freed countless souls from chains -- when all those people never imagined freedom was a possibility -- you would feel you know better than everyone else what is best for them. (The Take)

And for Dany, the whole concept of "breaking the wheel" was always just about her taking more power so that she could dispense what she believed to be justice. It's a truly terrifying megalomania and one that I think she's had all along, we just didn't always see it. (x)

She wants to rule with love, not fear.

It doesn’t always go that way for her. And when it doesn’t — when the people she would rule don’t adore her — she tends to react fiercely. (x)

But Dany’s arc is not contrived or “coming out of nowhere” or “out of character”. This is precisely the character that she has shown herself to be from as far back as season two. She has made selfish and rash decisions one after another. She has failed to recognize the larger picture and the true needs of the people around her more times than can be chalked up to “youthful” mistakes. The seeds have been laid, the decisions have been made, and her thoughtlessness towards others and zeal for her own destiny have distorted her intentions. (x)

Dany’s true downfall is one of ego, impulse control and rage – and that is a human story, not a gendered story. She has become obsessed with destiny. It seems she doesn’t even have one except in helping set up others, more deserving, to lead. This certainly shows the folly of ego, presumption and dominion without listening and learning. (x)

She always has had a tyrant in the making kind of vibe. In addition to mass genocide, what do tyrants have in common? They all have a big ego, which needs to be massaged every now and then. Noticed how often Danny [sic] tells the story about the time she broke the chains and slaves rose up against their masters? It’s the narcissist in her, who not only loved it when people took her name as she passed through the crowd in Meereen after murdering the masters, but continues to tell that story to boost her own ego. (x)

Does Dany "[feels] [she] know[s] better than everyone else what is best for them"? Does Dany have a "truly terrifying megalomania"? Does Dany tend to "react fiercely" "when the people she would rule don’t adore her"? Are Dany's decisions "selfish and rash" in nature? Does Dany have problems with "ego, impulse control, rage, presumption and dominion without listening and learning"? Is Dany a "tyrant in the making" with a "narcissist in her" whose ego "needs to be massaged every now and then"?

I would argue these claims certainly cannot be made after reading the books (some can't even after watching the show's first 71 episodes, but the show can be all over the place and ... I digress), so take a look at these passages.

A Dance with Dragons

ADWD Daenerys X

Her tokar and veils she had abandoned in the pit, and her linen undertunic had never been made to withstand the hot days and cold nights of the Dothraki sea. Sweat and grass and dirt had stained it, and Dany had torn a strip off the hem to make a bandage for her shin. I must look a ragged thing, and starved, she thought, but if the days stay warm, I will not freeze.

Dany did not need a glass to know that she was filthy.

Once I dreamed of flying, she thought, and now I’ve flown, and dream of stealing eggs. That made her laugh. “Men are mad and gods are madder,” she told the grass, and the grass murmured its agreement.

If I stay here, I will die. I may be dying now. Would the horse god of the Dothraki part the grass and claim her for his starry khalasar, so she might ride the nightlands with Khal Drogo? In Westeros the dead of House Targaryen were given to the flames, but who would light her pyre here? My flesh will feed the wolves and carrion crows, she thought sadly, and worms will burrow through my womb.

You took Meereen, he told her, yet still you lingered. “To be a queen.”

You are a queen, her bear said. In Westeros. “It is such a long way,” she complained. “I was tired, Jorah. I was weary of war. I wanted to rest, to laugh, to plant trees and see them grow. I am only a young girl.”

Dany, starved, slid off his back and ate with him, ripping chunks of smoking meat from the dead horse with bare, burned hands. In Meereen I was a queen in silk, nibbling on stuffed dates and honeyed lamb, she remembered. What would my noble husband think if he could see me now? Hizdahr would be horrified, no doubt. But Daario ...

Daario would laugh, carve off a hunk of horsemeat with his arakh, and squat down to eat beside her.

ADWD Daenerys IX

Soon Dany was as clean as she was ever going to be.

How queer, the queen thought. They cheer me on the same plaza where I once impaled one hundred sixty-three Great Masters.

The day she wed Khal Drogo, the arakhs had flashed at her wedding feast, and men had died whilst others drank and mated. Life and death went hand in hand amongst the horselords, and a sprinkling of blood was thought to bless a marriage. Her new marriage would soon be drenched in blood. How blessed it would be.

“I suppose I must be thankful for small victories,” the queen said.

“One step, then the next, and soon we shall be running. Together we shall make a new Meereen.” The street ahead had finally cleared. “Shall we continue on?”

What could she do but nod? One step, then the next, but where is it I’m going?

Her lord husband stood and raised his hands. “Great Masters! My queen has come this day, to show her love for you, her people. By her grace and with her leave, I give you now your mortal art. Meereen! Let Queen Daenerys hear your love!”

Ten thousand throats roared out their thanks; then twenty thousand; then all. They did not call her name, which few of them could pronounce. “Mother!” they cried instead; in the old dead tongue of Ghis, the word was Mhysa! They stamped their feet and slapped their bellies and shouted, “Mhysa, Mhysa, Mhysa,” until the whole pit seemed to tremble. Dany let the sound wash over her. I am not your mother, she might have shouted, back, I am the mother of your slaves, of every boy who ever died upon these sands whilst you gorged on honeyed locusts. Behind her, Reznak leaned in to whisper in her ear, “Magnificence, hear how they love you!”

No, she knew, they love their mortal art.

Pale Qartheen, black Summer Islanders, copper-skinned Dothraki, Tyroshi with blue beards, Lamb Men, Jogos Nhai, sullen Braavosi, brindle-skinned half-men from the jungles of Sothoros—from the ends of the world they came to die in Daznak’s Pit.

“Magnificence, the people of Meereen have come to celebrate our union. You heard them cheering you. Do not cast away their love.”

“It was my floppy ears they cheered, not me. Take me from this abbatoir, husband.”

In Westeros the septons spoke of seven hells and seven heavens, but the Seven Kingdoms and their gods were far away. If she died here, Dany wondered, would the horse god of the Dothraki part the grass and claim her for his starry khalasar, so she might ride the nightlands beside her sun-and-stars? Or would the angry gods of Ghis send their harpies to seize her soul and drag her down to torment?

[...] In the smoldering red pits of Drogon’s eyes, Dany saw her own reflection. How small she looked, how weak and frail and scared. I cannot let him see my fear.

ADWD Daenerys VIII

No queen has clean hands, Dany told herself. She thought of Doreah, of Quaro, of Eroeh … of a little girl she had never met, whose name had been Hazzea. Better a few should die in the pit than thousands at the gates. This is the price of peace, I pay it willingly. If I look back, I am lost.

You saw me as defeated, Dany thought, and who am I to say that you were wrong?

“...Never trust a sellsword.”

Or a queen, thought Dany.

“The dragon has three heads,” Dany said when they were on the final flight. “My marriage need not be the end of all your hopes. I know why you are here.”

“For you,” said Quentyn, all awkward gallantry.

“No,” said Dany. “For fire and blood.”

Her voice echoed off the scorched stone walls. It sounded small—a girl’s voice, not the voice of a queen and conqueror, nor the glad voice of a new-made bride.

She could hear the dragons screaming as she led the boy back to the door, and see the play of light against the bricks, reflections of their fires. If I look back, I am lost.

I should never have taken him into my bed. He was only a sellsword, no fit consort for a queen, and yet …

I knew that all along, but I did it anyway.

“My queen?” said a soft voice in the darkness.

Dany flinched. “Who is there?”

“Only Missandei.” The Naathi scribe moved closer to the bed. “This one heard you crying.”

ADWD Daenerys VII

Meereenese seldom rode within their city walls. They preferred palanquins, litters, and sedan chairs, borne upon the shoulders of their slaves. “Horses befoul the streets,” one man of Zakh had told her, “slaves do not.” Dany had freed the slaves, yet palanquins, litters, and sedan chairs still choked the streets as before, and none of them floated magically through the air.

ADWD Daenerys VI

Their eyes followed her. Those who had the strength called out. “Mother … please, Mother … bless you, Mother …”

Bless me, Dany thought bitterly. Your city is gone to ash and bone, your people are dying all around you. I have no shelter for you, no medicine, no hope. Only stale bread and wormy meat, hard cheese, a little milk. Bless me, bless me.

What kind of mother has no milk to feed her children?

Dany gazed across the camp, to the many-colored brick walls of Meereen. The air was thick with flies and cries. “The gods have sent this pestilence to humble me.[”]

ADWD Daenerys V

The weaver raised her head. “Every day we told each other that the dragon queen was coming back.” The woman had thin lips and dull dead eyes, set in a pinched and narrow face. “Cleon had sent for you, it was said, and you were coming.”

He sent for me, thought Dany. That much is true, at least.

“Others blamed Daenerys,” said the weaver, “but more of us still loved you. ‘She is on her way,’ we said to one another. ‘She is coming at the head of a great host, with food for all.’”

I can scarce feed my own folk. If I had marched to Astapor, I would have lost Meereen.

“Even then some said that you were coming,” said the weaver. “They swore they had seen you mounted on a dragon, flying high above the camps of the Yunkai’i. Every day we looked for you.”

I could not come, the queen thought. I dare not.

“It is good that you have come,” she told the Astapori. “You will be safe in Meereen.”

The cobbler thanked her for that, and the old brickmaker kissed her foot, but the weaver looked at her with eyes as hard as slate. She knows I lie, the queen thought. She knows I cannot keep them safe. Astapor is burning, and Meereen is next.

You warned King Cleon against this war with Yunkai. The man was a fool, and his hands were red with blood.”

And are my hands any cleaner? She remembered what Daario had said—that all kings must be butchers, or meat.

“Cleon was the enemy of our enemy. If I had joined him at the Horns of Hazzat, we might have crushed the Yunkai’i between us.”

The Shavepate disagreed. “If you had taken the Unsullied south to Hazzat, the Sons of the Harpy—”

“I know. I know. It is Eroeh all over again.”

Brown Ben Plumm was puzzled. “Who is Eroeh?”

“A girl I thought I’d saved from rape and torment. All I did was make it worse for her in the end. And all I did in Astapor was make ten thousand Eroehs.”

“Your Grace could not have known—”

“I am the queen. It was my place to know.”

ADWD Daenerys IV

“Then heed me now and marry.”

[...] “Tell me, can this king puff his cheeks up and blow Xaro’s galleys back to Qarth? Can he clap his hands and break the siege of Astapor? Can he put food in the bellies of my children and bring peace back to my streets?”

“...In him the prophecies shall be fulfilled, and your enemies will melt away like snow."

He shall be the stallion that mounts the world. Dany knew how it went with prophecies. They were made of words, and words were wind.

“Why would you want to help me? For the crown?”

“...The Seven Kingdoms will never accept Hizdahr zo Loraq as king.”

“No more than Meereen will accept Daenerys Targaryen as queen. The Green Grace has the right of that. I need a king beside me, a king of old Ghiscari blood. Elsewise they will always see me as the uncouth barbarian who smashed through their gates, impaled their kin on spikes, and stole their wealth.”

“Bright queen,” he said, “you have grown more beautiful in my absence. How is this thing possible?”

The queen was accustomed to such praise, yet somehow the compliment meant more coming from Daario than from the likes of Reznak, Xaro, or Hizdahr.

What have I done? she thought, huddled in her empty bed. I have waited so long for him to come back, and I send him away. “He would make a monster of me,” she whispered, “a butcher queen.” But then she thought of Drogon far away, and the dragons in the pit. There is blood on my hands too, and on my heart. We are not so different, Daario and I. We are both monsters.

ADWD Daenerys III

“I want no slave. I free you.” His jeweled nose made a tempting target. This time Dany threw an apricot at him.

Xaro caught it in the air and took a bite. “Whence came this madness? Should I count myself fortunate that you did not free my own slaves when you were my guest in Qarth?”

I was a beggar queen and you were Xaro of the Thirteen, Dany thought, and all you wanted were my dragons. “Your slaves seemed well treated and content. It was not till Astapor that my eyes were opened. Do you know how Unsullied are made and trained?”

“Meereen is a free city of free men.”

“A poor city that once was rich. A hungry city that once was fat. A bloody city that once was peaceful.”

His accusations stung. There was too much truth in them. “Meereen will be rich and fat and peaceful once again, and free as well. Go to the Dothraki if you must have slaves.”

Groleo had been a most unhappy man since they had broken up his ship to build the siege engines that won Meereen for her. Dany had tried to console him by naming him her lord admiral, but it was a hollow honor; the Meereenese fleet had sailed for Yunkai when Dany’s host approached the city, so the old Pentoshi was an admiral without ships.

Ser Barristan went to one knee before her. “My queen, your realm has need of you. You are not wanted here, but in Westeros men will flock to your banners by the thousands, great lords and noble knights. ‘She is come,’ they will shout to one another, in glad voices. ‘Prince Rhaegar’s sister has come home at last.’”

“If they love me so much, they will wait for me.” Dany stood. “Reznak, summon Xaro Xhoan Daxos.”

ADWD Daenerys II

A shadow. A memory. No one. She was the blood of the dragon, but Ser Barristan had warned her that in that blood there was a taint. Could I be going mad? They had called her father mad, once. “I was praying,” she told the Naathi girl. “It will be light soon. I had best eat something, before court.”

She was the blood of the dragon. She could kill the Sons of the Harpy, and the sons of the sons, and the sons of the sons of the sons. But a dragon could not feed a hungry child nor help a dying woman’s pain. And who would ever dare to love a dragon?

All the dogs are just as guilty. The guilt …” The word caught in her throat. Hazzea, she thought, and suddenly she heard herself say, “I have to see the pit,” in a voice as small as a child’s whisper. “Take me down, ser, if you would.”

What sort of mother lets her children rot in darkness?

If I look back, I am doomed, Dany told herself … but how could she not look back? I should have seen it coming. Was I so blind, or did I close my eyes willfully, so I would not have to see the price of power?

Mother of dragons, Daenerys thought. Mother of monsters. What have I unleashed upon the world? A queen I am, but my throne is made of burned bones, and it rests on quicksand. Without dragons, how could she hope to hold Meereen, much less win back Westeros? I am the blood of the dragon, she thought. If they are monsters, so am I.

ADWD Daenerys I

A boy came, younger than Dany, slight and scarred, dressed up in a frayed grey tokar trailing silver fringe. His voice broke when he told of how two of his father’s household slaves had risen up the night the gate broke. One had slain his father, the other his elder brother. Both had raped his mother before killing her as well. The boy had escaped with no more than the scar upon his face, but one of the murderers was still living in his father’s house, and the other had joined the queen’s soldiers as one of the Mother’s Men. He wanted them both hanged.

I am queen over a city built on dust and death. Dany had no choice but to deny him. She had declared a blanket pardon for all crimes committed during the sack. Nor would she punish slaves for rising up against their masters.

When she told him, the boy rushed at her, but his feet tangled in his tokar and he went sprawling headlong on the purple marble. [...]“Enough, Belwas,” Dany called. [...] But as he left the boy looked back over his shoulder, and when she saw his eyes Dany thought, The Harpy has another Son.

A Storm of Swords

ASOS Daenerys VI

When she was dressed, Missandei brought her a polished silver glass so she could see how she looked. Dany stared at herself in silence. Is this the face of a conqueror? So far as she could tell, she still looked like a little girl.

All my victories turn to dross in my hands, she thought. Whatever I do, all I make is death and horror. When word of what had befallen Astapor reached the streets, as it surely would, tens of thousands of newly freed Meereenese slaves would doubtless decide to follow her when she went west, for fear of what awaited them if they stayed ... yet it might well be that worse would await them on the march. Even if she emptied every granary in the city and left Meereen to starve, how could she feed so many? The way before her was fraught with hardship, bloodshed, and danger. Ser Jorah had warned her of that. He’d warned her of so many things ... he’d ... No, I will not think of Jorah Mormont. Let him keep a little longer.

“The city bleeds. Dead men rot unburied in the streets, each pyramid is an armed camp, and the markets have neither food nor slaves for sale. And the poor children! King Cleaver’s thugs have seized every highborn boy in Astapor to make new Unsullied for the trade, though it will be years before they are trained.”

The thing that surprised Dany most was how unsurprised she was. She found herself remembering Eroeh, the Lhazarene girl she had once tried to protect, and what had happened to her. It will be the same in Meereen once I march, she thought. The slaves from the fighting pits, bred and trained to slaughter, were already proving themselves unruly and quarrelsome. They seemed to think they owned the city now, and every man and woman in it. Two of them had been among the eight she’d hanged. There is no more I can do, she told herself.

“I will admit you helped win me this city ...”

Ser Jorah’s mouth tightened. “We won you this city. We sewer rats.”

“Be quiet,” she said again ... though there was truth to what he said.

“Bring me the book I was reading last night.” She wanted to lose herself in the words, in other times and other places. The fat leather-bound volume was full of songs and stories from the Seven Kingdoms. Children’s stories, if truth be told; too simple and fanciful to be true history. All the heroes were tall and handsome, and you could tell the traitors by their shifty eyes. Yet she loved them all the same. Last night she had been reading of the three princesses in the red tower, locked away by the king for the crime of being beautiful.

But Daario is right, I shouldn’t have banished him. I should have kept him, or I should have killed him. She played at being a queen, yet sometimes she still felt like a scared little girl. Viserys always said what a dolt I was. Was he truly mad? She closed the book. She could still recall Ser Jorah, if she wished. Or send Daario to kill him.

That night her handmaids brought her lamb, with a salad of raisins and carrots soaked in wine, and a hot flaky bread dripping with honey. She could eat none of it. Did Rhaegar ever grow so weary? she wondered. Did Aegon, after his conquest?

“Aegon the Conqueror brought fire and blood to Westeros, but afterward he gave them peace, prosperity, and justice. But all I have brought to Slaver’s Bay is death and ruin. I have been more khal than queen, smashing and plundering, then moving on.”

“There is nothing to stay for,” said Brown Ben Plumm.

“Your Grace, the slavers brought their doom on themselves,” said Daario Naharis.

“You have brought freedom as well,” Missandei pointed out.

“Freedom to starve?” asked Dany sharply. “Freedom to die? Am I a dragon, or a harpy?” Am I mad? Do I have the taint?

“A dragon,” Ser Barristan said with certainty. “Meereen is not Westeros, Your Grace.”

“But how can I rule seven kingdoms if I cannot rule a single city?” He had no answer to that. Dany turned away from them, to gaze out over the city once again. “My children need time to heal and learn. My dragons need time to grow and test their wings. And I need the same. I will not let this city go the way of Astapor. I will not let the harpy of Yunkai chain up those I’ve freed all over again.” She turned back to look at their faces. “I will not march.”

“What will you do then, Khaleesi?” asked Rakharo.

“Stay,” she said. “Rule. And be a queen.”

ASOS Daenerys V

Balerion floated nearest; the great cog once known as Saduleon, her sails furled. Further out were the galleys Meraxes and Vhagar, formerly Joso’s Prank and Summer Sun. They were Magister Illyrio’s ships, in truth, not hers at all, and yet she had given them new names with hardly a thought.

Many of the freedmen believed there was good fortune in her touch. If it helps give them courage, let them touch me, she thought. There are hard trials yet ahead ...

“Your Grace.” Arstan knelt. “I am an old man, and shamed. He should never have gotten close enough to seize you. I was lax. I did not know him without his beard and hair.”

“No more than I did.”

ASOS Daenerys III

Arstan Whitebeard held his tongue as well, when Dany swept by him on the terrace. He followed her down the steps in silence, but she could hear his hardwood staff tap tapping on the red bricks as they went. She did not blame him for his fury. It was a wretched thing she did. The Mother of Dragons has sold her strongest child. Even the thought made her ill.

Dany fed her dragons as she always did, but found she had no appetite herself. She cried awhile, alone in her cabin, then dried her tears long enough for yet another argument with Groleo.

[...] The anger burned the grief and fear from her, for a few hours at the least.

If I look back I am lost, Dany told herself the next morning as she entered Astapor through the harbor gates. She dared not remind herself how small and insignificant her following truly was, or she would lose all courage.

Dany mounted her silver. She could feel her heart thumping in her chest. She felt desperately afraid. Was this what my brother would have done?

ASOS Daenerys II

“Yet I must have some army,” Dany said. “The boy Joffrey will not give me the Iron Throne for asking politely.”

“When the day comes that you raise your banners, half of Westeros will be with you,” Whitebeard promised. “Your brother Rhaegar is still remembered, with great love.”

“And my father?” Dany said.

The old man hesitated before saying, “King Aerys is also remembered. He gave the realm many years of peace. Your Grace, you have no need of slaves. Magister Illyrio can keep you safe while your dragons grow, and send secret envoys across the narrow sea on your behalf, to sound out the high lords for your cause.”

“Those same high lords who abandoned my father to the Kingslayer and bent the knee to Robert the Usurper?”

“Even those who bent their knees may yearn in their hearts for the return of the dragons.”

“May,” said Dany. That was such a slippery word, may. In any language.

[“]So tell me, why is that ugly harpy not sitting beside the godsway in Vaes Dothrak among the other stolen gods?”

“You have a dragon’s eye, Khaleesi, that’s plain to see.”

“I wanted an answer, not a compliment.”

A Clash of Kings

ACOK Daenerys V

Jhiqui had braided her hair Dothraki-fashion, and fastened a silver bell to the end of the braid. “I have won no victories,” she tried telling her handmaid when the bell tinkled softly.

Jhiqui disagreed. “You burned the maegi in their house of dust and sent their souls to hell.”

That was Drogon’s victory, not mine, Dany wanted to say, but she held her tongue. The Dothraki would esteem her all the more for a few bells in her hair.

Pale men in dusty linen skirts stood beneath arched doorways to watch them pass. They know who I am, and they do not love me. Dany could tell from the way they looked at her.

It was not by choice that she sought the waterfront. She was fleeing again. Her whole life had been one long flight, it seemed. She had begun running in her mother’s womb, and never once stopped. How often had she and Viserys stolen away in the black of night, a bare step ahead of the Usurper’s hired knives? But it was run or die. Xaro had learned that Pyat Pree was gathering the surviving warlocks together to work ill on her.

“...Give me a son, my sweet song of joy!”

Give you a dragon, you mean. “I will not wed you, Xaro.” His face had grown cold at that. “Then go.”

“But where?”

“Somewhere far from here.”

Dany would get no help from the Thirteen, the Tourmaline Brotherhood, or the Ancient Guild of Spicers.

Sailors, dockworkers, and merchants alike gave way before her, not knowing what to make of this slim young girl with silver-gold hair who dressed in the Dothraki fashion and walked with a knight at her side.

“Sheath your steel, blood of my blood,” said Dany, “this man comes to serve me. Belwas, you will accord all respect to my people, or you will leave my service sooner than you’d wish, and with more scars than when you came.”

The gap-toothed smile faded from the giant’s broad brown face, replaced by a confused scowl. Men did not often threaten Belwas, it would seem, and less so girls a third his size.

ACOK Daenerys IV

Her voice was no more than a whisper, almost as faint as theirs.

ACOK Daenerys III

The drapes kept out the dust and heat of the streets, but they could not keep out disappointment. Dany climbed inside wearily, glad for the refuge from the sea of Qartheen eyes.

“I see a deep sadness written upon your face, my light of love.” He offered her a goblet. “Could it be the sadness of a lost dream?”

“A dream delayed, no more.” [...] The Pureborn were notorious for offering poisoned wine to those they thought dangerous, but they had not given Dany so much as a cup of water. They never saw me for a queen, she thought bitterly. I was only an afternoon’s amusement, a horse girl with a curious pet.

Yet the men who sat in them seemed so listless and world-weary that they might have been asleep. They listened, but they did not hear, or care, she thought. They are Milk Men indeed. They never meant to help me. They came because they were curious. They came because they were bored, and the dragon on my shoulder interested them more than I did.

“Tell me the words of the Pureborn,” prompted Xaro Xhoan Daxos. “Tell me what they said to sadden the queen of my heart.”

“They said no.” The wine tasted of pomegranates and hot summer days. “They said it with great courtesy, to be sure, but under all the lovely words, it was still no.”

“Did you flatter them?”

“Shamelessly.”

“Did you weep?”

“The blood of the dragon does not weep,” she said testily.

Xaro sighed. “You ought to have wept.” The Qartheen wept often and easily; it was considered a mark of the civilized man. “The men we bought, what did they say?”

“Mathos said nothing. Wendello praised the way I spoke. The Exquisite refused me with the rest, but he wept afterward.”

“Alas, that Qartheen should be so faithless.” Xaro was not himself of the Pureborn, but he had told her whom to bribe and how much to offer. “Weep, weep, for the treachery of men.”

Dany would sooner have wept for her gold. The bribes she’d tendered to Mathos Mallarawan, Wendello Qar Deeth, and Egon Emeros the Exquisite might have bought her a ship, or hired a score of sellswords.

The crown was the only offering she’d kept. The rest she sold, to gather the wealth she had wasted on the Pureborn. Xaro would have sold the crown too—the Thirteen would see that she had a much finer one, he swore—but Dany forbade it. “Viserys sold my mother’s crown, and men called him a beggar. I shall keep this one, so men will call me a queen.” And so she did, though the weight of it made her neck ache.

Yet even crowned, I am a beggar still, Dany thought. I have become the most splendid beggar in the world, but a beggar all the same. She hated it, as her brother must have. All those years of running from city to city one step ahead of the Usurper’s knives, pleading for help from archons and princes and magisters, buying our food with flattery. He must have known how they mocked him. Small wonder he turned so angry and bitter. In the end it had driven him mad. It will do the same to me if I let it. Part of her would have liked nothing more than to lead her people back to Vaes Tolorro, and make the dead city bloom. No, that is defeat. I have something Viserys never had. I have the dragons. The dragons are all the difference.

“The Arbor makes the best wine in the world,” Dany declared. Lord Redwyne had fought for her father against the Usurper, she remembered, one of the few to remain true to the last. Will he fight for me as well? There was no way to be certain after so many years.

“I mean to sail to Westeros, and drink the wine of vengeance from the skull of the Usurper.”

[...] “Will nothing turn you from this madness?”

“Nothing,” she said, wishing she was as certain as she sounded.

Even so, it would be years before they were large enough to take to war. And they must be trained as well, or they will lay my kingdom waste. For all her Targaryen blood, Dany had not the least idea of how to train a dragon.

ACOK Daenerys II

Dany felt shabby and barbaric as she rode past them in her lionskin robe with black Drogon on one shoulder. Her Dothraki called the Qartheen “Milk Men” for their paleness, and Khal Drogo had dreamed of the day when he might sack the great cities of the east. She glanced at her bloodriders, their dark almond-shaped eyes giving no hint of their thoughts. Is it only the plunder they see? she wondered. How savage we must seem to these Qartheen.

“...The Thirteen will come to do you homage, and all the great of Qarth.”

All the great of Qarth will come to see my dragons, Dany thought, yet she thanked Xaro for his kindness before she sent him on his way.

The Usurper will kill you, sure as sunrise, Mormont had said. Robert had slain her gallant brother Rhaegar, and one of his creatures had crossed the Dothraki sea to poison her and her unborn son. They said Robert Baratheon was strong as a bull and fearless in battle, a man who loved nothing better than war. And with him stood the great lords her brother had named the Usurper’s dogs, cold-eyed Eddard Stark with his frozen heart, and the golden Lannisters, father and son, so rich, so powerful, so treacherous.

How could she hope to overthrow such men? When Khal Drogo had lived, men trembled and made him gifts to stay his wrath. If they did not, he took their cities, wealth and wives and all. But his khalasar had been vast, while hers was meager. Her people had followed her across the red waste as she chased her comet, and would follow her across the poison water too, but they would not be enough. Even her dragons might not be enough. Viserys had believed that the realm would rise for its rightful king ... but Viserys had been a fool, and fools believe in foolish things.

Her doubts made her shiver.

“The high lords have always fought. Tell me who’s won and I’ll tell you what it means. Khaleesi, the Seven Kingdoms are not going to fall into your hands like so many ripe peaches. You will need a fleet, gold, armies, alliances—”

“All this I know.” She took his hands in hers and looked up into his dark suspicious eyes.

Sometimes he thinks of me as a child he must protect, and sometimes as a woman he would like to bed, but does he ever truly see me as his queen?

ACOK Daenerys I

“...Ten thousand warriors went with him. You have a hundred.”

No, Dany thought. I have four. The rest are women, old sick men and boys whose hair has never been braided.

A Game of Thrones

AGOT Daenerys X

She could feel the eyes of the khalasar on her as she entered her tent. The Dothraki were muttering and giving her strange sideways looks from the corners of their dark almond eyes. They thought her mad, Dany realized. Perhaps she was. She would know soon enough. If I look back I am lost.

AGOT Daenerys VIII

Trembling, her eyes full of sudden tears, Dany turned away from them. He fell from his horse! It was so, she had seen it, and the bloodriders, and no doubt her handmaids and the men of her khas as well. And how many more? They could not keep it secret, and Dany knew what that meant. A khal who could not ride could not rule, and Drogo had fallen from his horse.

“We must bathe him,” she said stubbornly. She must not allow herself to despair.

“I will not leave him,” she said stubbornly, miserably. She took his hand again. “I will not.”

“That one means you no good, Princess,” Mormont said. “The Dothraki say a man and his bloodriders share one life, and Qotho sees it ending. A dead man is beyond fear.”

“No one has died,” Dany said. “Ser Jorah, I may have need of your blade. Best go don your armor.” She was more frightened than she dared admit, even to herself.

AGOT Daenerys VI

Dany was near tears as they carried her back. The taste in her mouth was one she had known before: fear. For years she had lived in terror of Viserys, afraid of waking the dragon. This was even worse. It was not just for herself that she feared now, but for her baby. He must have sensed her fright, for he moved restlessly inside her. Dany stroked the swell of her belly gently, wishing she could reach him, touch him, soothe him.

AGOT Daenerys IV

His fingers dug into her arm painfully and for an instant Dany felt like a child again, quailing in the face of his rage. She reached out with her other hand and grabbed the first thing she touched, the belt she’d hoped to give him, a heavy chain of ornate bronze medallions. She swung it with all her strength.

AGOT Daenerys III

“Hit her, Mormont. Hurt her. Your king commands it. Kill these Dothraki dogs and teach her.”

The exile knight looked from Dany to her brother; she barefoot, with dirt between her toes and oil in her hair, he with his silks and steel. Dany could see the decision on his face. “He shall walk, Khaleesi,” he said.

“Have you forgotten who you are? Look at you. Look at you!”

Dany did not need to look. She was barefoot, with oiled hair, wearing Dothraki riding leathers and a painted vest given her as a bride gift. She looked as though she belonged here. Viserys was soiled and stained in city silks and ringmail.

Her supper was a simple meal of fruit and cheese and fry bread, with a jug of honeyed wine to wash it down. “Doreah, stay and eat with me,” Dany commanded when she sent her other handmaids away. The Lysene girl had hair the color of honey, and eyes like the summer sky. She lowered those eyes when they were alone. “You honor me, Khaleesi,” she said, but it was no honor, only service. Long after the moon had risen, they sat together, talking.

AGOT Daenerys II

There are no more dragons, Dany thought, staring at her brother, though she did not dare say it aloud.

“What should I do?” she asked Illyrio.

It was Ser Jorah Mormont who answered. “Take the reins and ride. You need not go far.”

Nervously Dany gathered the reins in her hands and slid her feet into the short stirrups. She was only a fair rider; she had spent far more time traveling by ship and wagon and palanquin than by horseback. Praying that she would not fall off and disgrace herself, she gave the filly the lightest and most timid touch with her knees.

And for the first time in hours, she forgot to be afraid. Or perhaps it was for the first time ever.

AGOT Daenerys I

Her brother held the gown up for her inspection. “This is beauty. Touch it. Go on. Caress the fabric.”

Dany touched it. The cloth was so smooth that it seemed to run through her fingers like water. She could not remember ever wearing anything so soft. It frightened her. She pulled her hand away. “Is it really mine?”

“A gift from the Magister Illyrio,” Viserys said, smiling. Her brother was in a high mood tonight. “The color will bring out the violet in your eyes. And you shall have gold as well, and jewels of all sorts. Illyrio has promised. Tonight you must look like a princess.”

A princess, Dany thought. She had forgotten what that was like. Perhaps she had never really known. “Why does he give us so much?” she asked. “What does he want from us?” For nigh on half a year, they had lived in the magister’s house, eating his food, pampered by his servants. Dany was thirteen, old enough to know that such gifts seldom come without their price, here in the free city of Pentos.

“Illyrio is no fool,” Viserys said. He was a gaunt young man with nervous hands and a feverish look in his pale lilac eyes. “The magister knows that I will not forget my friends when I come into my throne.”

Dany said nothing. Magister Illyrio was a dealer in spices, gemstones, dragonbone, and other, less savory things. He had friends in all of the Nine Free Cities, it was said, and even beyond, in Vaes Dothrak and the fabled lands beside the Jade Sea. It was also said that he’d never had a friend he wouldn’t cheerfully sell for the right price. Dany listened to the talk in the streets, and she heard these things, but she knew better than to question her brother when he wove his webs of dream. His anger was a terrible thing when roused. Viserys called it “waking the dragon.”

Somewhere beyond the sunset, across the narrow sea, lay a land of green hills and flowered plains and great rushing rivers, where towers of dark stone rose amidst magnificent blue-grey mountains, and armored knights rode to battle beneath the banners of their lords. The Dothraki called that land Rhaesh Andahli, the land of the Andals. In the Free Cities, they talked of Westeros and the Sunset Kingdoms. Her brother had a simpler name. “Our land,” he called it. The words were like a prayer with him. If he said them enough, the gods were sure to hear. “Ours by blood right, taken from us by treachery, but ours still, ours forever. You do not steal from the dragon, oh, no. The dragon remembers.”

And perhaps the dragon did remember, but Dany could not. She had never seen this land her brother said was theirs, this realm beyond the narrow sea. These places he talked of, Casterly Rock and the Eyrie, Highgarden and the Vale of Arryn, Dorne and the Isle of Faces, they were just words to her. Viserys had been a boy of eight when they fled King’s Landing to escape the advancing armies of the Usurper, but Daenerys had been only a quickening in their mother’s womb.

Yet sometimes Dany would picture the way it had been, so often had her brother told her the stories. The midnight flight to Dragonstone, moonlight shimmering on the ship’s black sails. Her brother Rhaegar battling the Usurper in the bloody waters of the Trident and dying for the woman he loved. The sack of King’s Landing by the ones Viserys called the Usurper’s dogs, the lords Lannister and Stark. Princess Elia of Dorne pleading for mercy as Rhaegar’s heir was ripped from her breast and murdered before her eyes. The polished skulls of the last dragons staring down sightlessly from the walls of the throne room while the Kingslayer opened Father’s throat with a golden sword.

She had been born on Dragonstone nine moons after their flight, while a raging summer storm threatened to rip the island fastness apart. They said that storm was terrible. The Targaryen fleet was smashed while it lay at anchor, and huge stone blocks were ripped from the parapets and sent hurtling into the wild waters of the narrow sea. Her mother had died birthing her, and for that her brother Viserys had never forgiven her.

She did not remember Dragonstone either. They had run again, just before the Usurper’s brother set sail with his new-built fleet. By then only Dragonstone itself, the ancient seat of their House, had remained of the Seven Kingdoms that had once been theirs. It would not remain for long. [...]

They had wandered since then, from Braavos to Myr, from Myr to Tyrosh, and on to Qohor and Volantis and Lys, never staying long in any one place. Her brother would not allow it. The Usurper’s hired knives were close behind them, he insisted, though Dany had never seen one.

At first the magisters and archons and merchant princes were pleased to welcome the last Targaryens to their homes and tables, but as the years passed and the Usurper continued to sit upon the Iron Throne, doors closed and their lives grew meaner. Years past they had been forced to sell their last few treasures, and now even the coin they had gotten from Mother’s crown had gone. In the alleys and wine sinks of Pentos, they called her brother “the beggar king.” Dany did not want to know what they called her.

Last of all came the collar, a heavy golden torc emblazoned with ancient Valyrian glyphs.

“Now you look all a princess,” the girl said breathlessly when they were done. Dany glanced at her image in the silvered looking glass that Illyrio had so thoughtfully provided. A princess, she thought, but she remembered what the girl had said, how Khal Drogo was so rich even his slaves wore golden collars. She felt a sudden chill, and gooseflesh pimpled her bare arms.

Dany could smell the stench of Illyrio’s pallid flesh through his heavy perfumes.

Her brother, sprawled out on his pillows beside her, never noticed. His mind was away across the narrow sea. “We won’t need his whole khalasar,” Viserys said. His fingers toyed with the hilt of his borrowed blade, though Dany knew he had never used a sword in earnest. “Ten thousand, that would be enough, I could sweep the Seven Kingdoms with ten thousand Dothraki screamers. The realm will rise for its rightful king. Tyrell, Redwyne, Darry, Greyjoy, they have no more love for the Usurper than I do. The Dornishmen burn to avenge Elia and her children. And the smallfolk will be with us. They cry out for their king.” He looked at Illyrio anxiously. “They do, don’t they?”

“They are your people, and they love you well,” Magister Illyrio said amiably. “In holdfasts all across the realm, men lift secret toasts to your health while women sew dragon banners and hide them against the day of your return from across the water.” He gave a massive shrug. “Or so my agents tell me.”

Dany had no agents, no way of knowing what anyone was doing or thinking across the narrow sea, but she mistrusted Illyrio’s sweet words as she mistrusted everything about Illyrio. Her brother was nodding eagerly, however. “I shall kill the Usurper myself,” he promised, who had never killed anyone, “as he killed my brother Rhaegar. And Lannister too, the Kingslayer, for what he did to my father.”

“That would be most fitting,” Magister Illyrio said. Dany saw the smallest hint of a smile playing around his full lips, but her brother did not notice. Nodding, he pushed back a curtain and stared off into the night, and Dany knew he was fighting the Battle of the Trident once again.

Magister Illyrio’s words were honey. “Many important men will be at the feast tonight. Such men have enemies. The khal must protect his guests, yourself chief among them, Your Grace. No doubt the Usurper would pay well for your head.”

“Oh, yes,” Viserys said darkly. “He has tried, Illyrio, I promise you that. His hired knives follow us everywhere. I am the last dragon, and he will not sleep easy while I live.”

The palanquin slowed and stopped. The curtains were thrown back, and a slave offered a hand to help Daenerys out. His collar, she noted, was ordinary bronze.

#daenerys targaryen #a dance with dragons #a storm of swords #a clash of kings #a game of thrones #dany passages

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