#of woe and triumph and table sex
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The Saga of Backpfeifengesicht
It is August 22nd and the Jaime x Brienne Fic Exchange anonymity is over! And with this, I can finally tell the tale of how I got repeatedly cockblocked fic-blocked by @ajoblotofjunk - because without that sly little minx, I never, ever, would have gotten to write Backpfeifengesicht. The thanks and blame lies almost entirely at her feet.
The following is rather gif-heavy, thanks to some of my favorite shows. Brace yourselves.
You could assume the story starts with this:
It does not.
It really started with this:
And then...
And from there it took off!
It ended up being @slipsthrufingers, @nire-the-mithridatist and @firesign23 who took the helm on the exchange. You’ll notice that I’m not anywhere in these conversations, mostly because I’d never done a fic exchange in my life, let alone run one. The decision to stay a silent supporter in the background was an easy one to make. Surely that way I could stay outside of the chaos and drama that was sure to come.
Little did I know.
The exchange opened and the numbers ticked up. Best estimates were that fifty writers would sign up and the exchange got TWICE that. It was phenomenal, exciting, wonderful - and thus the work began. What prompts would we get, who would we write for, what would we write?
Then, an email:
I knew @brynnmck, or at least of her. Best buds with sdwolfpup aka @ajoblotofjunk, lives in the States and I knew for a fact that she enjoyed my writing in the past. This is going to be a breeze.
(Oh, I was a sweet, naive summer child.)
There were three different prompt options: rock star fic, vacation fic, and an oh-no-only-one-bed fic. I struck the last one out right away because I’d literally just done a Sansaery story utilizing that plot and didn’t want to repeat myself so blatantly. Like so many others, I went to my friends for help with planning, having one conversation in particular with @forbiddenfantasies1 that promptly fell out of my brain.
(Three weeks later…)
The vacation prompt seemed the most inviting and I started to wonder, huh, what if Jaime and Brienne are modern adrenaline junkies and they do extreme vacations, like BASE jumping?
...I know nothing about BASE jumping.
And, what’s more, in the course of that time period, I read a fic by sdwolfpup where she referenced BASE jumping between the two of them. I chuckled to myself and tossed that idea aside. Back to brainstorming!
Inspiration struck! I decided on the vacation prompt - with a twist! I started writing! I turned to my good friend @forbiddenfantasies1 aka FF and said I HAVE SOMETHING YAAAAY:
And I took a second to wonder… wait. Did she tell me this three weeks ago?
Did I...?
...oh no.
Oh, no no no.
I searched our Discord history and...
I stole my friend’s prompt. I STOLE HER PROMPT.
That’s not me throwing a gauntlet, that’s me throwing away my bit of fic in the garbage, where it belonged. THE GALL. THE FAULTY MEMORY THAT LED TO MY WORST ACTION.
FF tried to be gracious about it, though she was in no way at fault. NO WAY. We had a long talk. And then a longer one. And then another where I said ENOUGH! You write yours and I’ll find something different, it’s the right thing to do.
So I turned to the Rock Star Fic. Music. Guitars. Not my bag, but there’s something there. The brainstorming began again. Then, courtesy of @ajoblotofjunk :
Wait, what?
SDWOLFPUP AKA BRYNN’S BESTIE
IS
WRITING
A
MUSIC
AU
Not just anyone. Her best friend. A brilliant, brilliant writer.
There was only one thing I could do.
So there went mine.
(Slips: TWO CAAAAKES!
Sami: HER BEST FRIEEEEEEEND! NO!)
Commence brainstorming, part… whateverthefuck, I don’t even know.
And some more brainstorming. (And the beginning of some A+ dramatics.)
It... was not pretty.
My friends reminded me that it only had to be a thousand words - I could do that, it was highly attainable, I just had to find something. Anything. FF knows Brynn and said that she’s so chill! She’ll enjoy anything, just give it a shot!
I gave it a shot.
The struggle continued. My brain was stuck on the fact that I had been a bad, prompt-thieving friend and then that whatever sdwolfpup already had cooking was surely miles ahead of what I hadn’t been able to piece together. My friends told me to stop being so dramatic. I said:
Finally. An idea came to mind. Something simple, maybe even a single scene. The vacation prompt. Perhaps… Brienne goes on vacation. No one knows her, she doesn’t have to prove anything to anyone, maybe she decides to take a chance on that handsome man at the bar.
Yes, I told my dear @Luthienebonyx. I think that’s what I’m going to do. Brienne meets Jaime in a bar.
ONE HOUR LATER:
ONE.
HOUR.
LATER.
And if you aren’t convinced that karma wasn’t out to get me, may I draw your attention to the acknowledgement in the notes:
J’accuse! FF! @forbiddenfantasies1 !!!!!!
Et tu, FF?
INDEED, CAPTAIN RAYMOND HOLT. INDEED.
I was languishing. Suffering. Bemoaning the very idea that I should even be in the exchange at all!!!
Meanwhile, SDW:
And I am:
I turned to FF, all HOW COULD YOU!
She was understandably confused.
I was back to the drawing board.
There was a serious discussion of handing off my prompts to another writer, trading with someone so that I could get over my writer’s block - or at least stop getting fic-blocked by a certain talented author who was surely in cahoots with my friend-enemy FF.
FF tried to talk some sense into me. And she handed me, as it has come to be known: Brynnformation.
I decided to give it one. last. go.
And I remembered.
Nine months later, the time had come for Backpfeifengesicht.
I held it close to my chest. Very close. So close that I stopped checking tumblr for fear of discovering that sdwolfpup had caught the scent of my story in the air and eclipsed me yet again. When my friends asked how it was going, I was perfectly reasonable, totally chill, very:
I was informed that sdwolfpup had gone on vacation, THANK GOD, I WAS SAFE FOR A WEEK.
After I got past the murderous paranoia, I started to put a story together. Vacations. Road trips. Baseball. And, as it said in the prompts, Brynn enjoys herself some J/B lovin’. FF pointed out that Brynn had a fondness for lovin’ that involves tables.
And with that Friend-Enemy FF became Friend FF once more, as she should always be considered.
All hail Brynnformation!
Yes. It was Backpfeifengesicht’s moment to shine.
(I… stopped checking sdw’s tumblr. For my own sense of self and stability. If she came up with a random german name, I was sure to throw in the towel.)
I wrote and wrote and wrote some more. I refused to let my friends see it for fear of jinxing the whole damn thing. I was nearly halfway through when I had a truly horrible day at work and the only thing that cheered me was to break my silence and share a bit of it with @forbiddenfantasies and @elizadunc - they were new to my whining in ways that Slips, Nire, Luthien and Firesign had grown immune to.
Their response?
Though I was still in a mindset more like:
FF: Sami, stop freaking out.
Sami: I CAN’T.
I looped in the rest of my friends, so they could beta and also convince me not to bin the entire thing all over again. It was the work of SIX PEOPLE to keep me from giving up this whole damn thing.
SIX PEOPLE.
At last, the story was done and I landed somewhere between:
and
Don’t believe me?
I kept my eye out for sdwolfpup. If she was watching, she was being clever about it.
I edited.
My friends and wonderful betas tried to talk me down off the ledge. Repeatedly.
I made myself wait to post anyway, and not without one last freak out.
AND
SHE
DID
But hey, she also said:
Gee... I wonder how that happened?
@forbiddenfantasies1 - you are a filthy liar and the goddamn best <3 This story would not exist without you or sdwolfpup’s fic-blocking ways. My love and my echoing screams of despair to you both.
#jaime x brienne#jaime x brienne fic exchange 2020#backpfeifengesicht#my fic#my dRaMA#it is a TALE#of woe and triumph and table sex
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01. crush that hangover! | dear miss soju
ღ Synopsis: College is hard. Love is even harder. Good thing the students of Mansae University can write in to Miss Soju, the campus’ very own romance advice columnist! The only problem is she’s never been in a relationship. Ever. There’s no telling what kind of chaos she may cause in the love lives of several of MU’s most eligible bachelors. Too bad no one knows who she really is!
ღ Characters/Pairings: college AU! Seventeen & OC’s, Pairings TBA!
ღ Genre: Romantic Comedy, Slice of Life
ღ Warning(s): Mentions of alcohol, underage drinking, mentions of sex, language, bad jokes
ღ Word Count: 5.0k words
ღ Binu’s Note: ever stare at a selfie so long that it looks weird? ya that’s this chapter for me. there were just so many elements that i wanted to get right, but i kept changing things and now i can’t look at it anymore :c i’ll properly proofread it later, but for now enjoy!! i have some other content ima post later so i’m p excited for that hehehe anyway ya happy friday!!!
《 ⊛ Author’s Note & Credits ⊛ Disclaimer ⊛ Masterlist ⊛ 》
《 Previous ⊛ Next 》
Monday, September 2, 2019 9:05AM
This was not how Joohyun had imagined her first day at The Front. Whenever she described this moment to Jihoon, she was very clear about the way she would walk in so confidently that the senior writers would wonder why they forgot to email her an invite to their 8:30 meeting. Jihoon, who relished in raining on her parade, predicted that they wouldn’t even know her name. But she had no time for his blunt realism, because she had been living as a made-up person since June and her corporate daydreams were the only things keeping her sane. She knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but she figured that once they saw her talent, everything would be just fine.
So it’s not difficult to imagine Joohyun’s distress when she just barely stumbled into the office this morning, nursing a mind-melting hangover.
She should have known she would be a goner when the sports section interns had challenged her to a drinking game at last night’s welcome party. Her drinking partner, a small girl interning at HR, had only made it two shots in before falling asleep on her lap. For the record, she had still made sure that she was the last intern standing (although she definitely wasn’t the same bright-eyed freshman that could chug a pitcher of soju and beer just to spite Jihoon). Looking around the office, she felt a little relieved to find that the other interns were suffering just as much as her, if their slumped positions and pained groans told her anything. So much for giving a good first impression.
Joohyun was trying her best not to look like she was two steps from an early grave when she was approached by a big woman with a laptop in her arms. She awkwardly bowed her head to greet her, but the woman’s gaze never left the screen of her Macbook. “Miss… Joonyoung?”
“Oh, that’s not--”
“You’re the new advice column intern, correct?”
“Oh. Yes, that’s me, but that’s not my--”
“I’ll show you to your desk.” Without so much as a glance, the woman turned on her heel, now typing furiously on her laptop. Joohyun followed behind glumly.
This was all Jihoon’s fault.
“So, how’s your first day going?” Jihoon asked over his bowl of ramen. He flagged down the tall waiter and ordered a bowl of rice.
“Fine,” was Joohyun’s curt answer. In truth, it was far from ideal. She had watched longingly as all the other interns were assigned with their first projects, while she was left with an empty inbox. How was she supposed to write an advice column when there was no one asking her for advice? She spent most of the morning familiarizing herself with the previous entries of The Front’s dating advice column, the most recent of which dated to the newspaper’s May issue… from 1997.
When her supervisor told her to take a lunch break, she had made a beeline to meet Jihoon at the restaurant near the cafe he worked at. Now that she was sitting in front of him though, she wasn’t quite ready to confess that her dream job was much more mundane than she expected. “Hey, wasn’t this a fried chicken shop last semester?”
“That bad, huh?” Jihoon clicked his tongue. Joohyun sighed - she didn’t know why she even tried to hide anything from him when he’s known her for 12 years. He probably knew some parts of her better than she did. “Come on Joo, don’t give up on Miss Soju so easily. It’s just because you’re a little hungover. We watched The Notebook like five times this summer! What more do you need to know about true love? Do you want me to set you up on another date with that freakishly tall dude for more hands-on experience? Ah, speak of the devil!”
“Thanks, Mingyu.” Joohyun took the bowl of rice and gave the server a sweet smile, which greatly contrasted with the glare she shot at Jihoon soon after. The server, a stunning boy with jet-black hair and tanned skin, stuck his tongue out at Jihoon. She waited until Mingyu went to the other side of the restaurant to serve a rowdy group of boys to whisper-shout at Jihoon. “Can you try not to expose my identity to the whole campus before I even get the chance to write my first ever entry?”
“Ohhh, that’s why you’re sulking. No one’s sent you a letter yet so you didn’t get to do anything today,” Jihoon said. It sometimes got annoying how he could read her like she was his worn-out copy of his favorite sports manga. She had to admit though, he did find ways to make it worth it. Like when he said, “I might actually be able to help you with that one, if you want. I can make a little shout out for Miss Soju on my stream tonight. For a small price, of course.”
“You’re streaming tonight?” The girl perked up from poking at her noodles. Over the past three years, Jihoon had built up a cult following through Woozi’s Universe, a Twitch stream where he shared music made by the underground artists on campus (including him). He only ever released new music on Mondays, so tonight would definitely have a large viewership. Joohyun immediately went into her business pose lest she show how eager she really was. “Well, what would you like in exchange, Mr. Lee?”
“I merely request that you pay for my lunch today, Ms. So,” he replied. Joohyun looked in horror at Jihoon, a petite man who ate like he was three boys going through puberty; today alone he had had an extra-large bowl of ramen, three orders of rice, and two cans of Coke.
Then, she imagined facing an empty inbox for the rest of the week. Yup, this was definitely worth it. That didn’t stop her from making a show of taking out her wallet, taking care to sigh extra loudly. She had to give Jihoon his moment to revel in his triumphs, otherwise he would get grumpy.
Jihoon cackled giddily. “Pleasure doing business with you as always, Ms. So.”
“Pretty sure my hangover is coming back.”
“Oh shit, shut up!” Jihoon suddenly yelped and ducked underneath the table.
“What the hell, Jih--”
“No, don’t say my name! He might hear you and then I’ll have to talk to him,” Jihoon whispered, jerking his head towards a bright yellow blur skipping to the back of the restaurant. “He’s one of my fans. He found out I worked at the cafe and now he keeps coming in to talk to about how sad his sex life is.”
Joohyun pursed her lips and peeked a glance over. He had joined the table of rowdy boys. “Hmm, maybe I should say hi... he seems like a potential Miss Soju reader.”
“Just pay the check already, woman!”
The new interns at The Front were not the only students sporting hangovers that day. This can only be expected of the second week back at MU. Sunday night had been the explosive finale of a full week of department welcome parties, happy reunions, and lots and lots of alcohol. Some of the incoming freshmen were convinced that Mansae University was not actually a school, but a training ground for surviving as many shots of soju as physically possible. That is until they woke up on Monday morning and still had to drag themselves to their 9AM’s, suddenly faced with the reality of what college really was: an endless cycle of perpetual hangovers and school work that’s due way too soon.
This was all good news for the new ramen shop on campus, which had been serving the hoards of hungover zombies since 10AM. Vernon, who was in great pain from the night before, had been ambushed by his roommate after his morning class. He was brought to the restaurant under the pretense of curing his woes with a bowl of warm soup and noodles. When he caught sight of a man in red waiting for them at a back table though, he immediately knew what was actually coming.
“Hello Vernonnie,” Seungcheol greeted him with a sly smile. “Care to take a seat next to me?”
“Uh, not really,” Vernon mumbled, but he sat down anyway. He scrunched his nose at his roommate as the boy slumped into the seat in front of him. “Traitor.”
“Sorry babe, Seungcheol hyung promised me free lunch. Also, you’re one to talk, after you abandoned me to fend for myself last night--! Ugh,” his roommate, Seungkwan, clutched at his head, where a rusty hammer persistently tapped away at his temple. “Hyung, why did you do this to me? My face is gonna be bloated for the rest of the week. I have an audition in two days, you know!”
“Hey, I did ask you if you were sure you wanted-- what was that you ordered? Oh yeah-- ‘the strongest drink that is legal to serve in South Korea’!” Seungcheol said, his eyes wide. As he got more defensive, he began to point his finger excessively at Seungkwan. “And what was it all for? To impress your new crush?”
“I am way too hungover to get lectured by a couple of hypocrites,” Seungkwan grumbled. “I was trying to get some inspiration, you know, a drunken spark of genius! How else am I supposed to figure out how to confess to them?”
“Okay, I wasn’t actually asking,” Seungcheol ignored Seungkwan’s offended gasp in favor of turning his attention to a fidgeting Vernon. His cherry red lips now returned to its wide grin. “I am here to discuss where our dearest Vernon went off to last night.”
“Um.” Vernon answered with a nervous smile. “I just went home early--”
“Bullshit!” Seungkwan looked absolutely scandalized. “It wasn’t enough to abandon me, so now you’re lying too? I don’t know if I can take much more of this!”
Vernon had only officially known Seungkwan for two whole weeks, but with the way the two had been inseparable since move-in day, everyone at the freshmen dorms had assumed that they had known each other for years and years. He knew that someone like Boo Seungkwan was a rare find as far as random dorm assignments went, and that not everyone was so lucky to have a roommate that reminds them to eat real food once in a while or a friend who’s willing to take care of them when they get their first real hangover. Just for that day alone, Vernon knew that Seungkwan deserved to know where he went. Plus he shared a room with him, so it’s not like he could hide anything anyway.
Seungcheol shook his head and slung an arm around Vernon’s shoulder. His grip wasn’t tight but firm enough that Vernon knew he was trapped there until he confessed the truth. “Look, I don’t need any details! I just wanted to make sure that you’re staying safe and all that junk. Also, I would like to know what base you got to.” He erupted into a fit of giggles, but soon cleared his throat to return to his investigation. “Really though, tell us what happened.”
It wasn’t like Vernon didn’t want to tell Seungcheol either. Vernon’s and Seungcheol’s families had known each other since the two boys were in middle and high school, and when he found out that Seungcheol would be a senior at Mansae University that year, he felt some of his nerves ease up about moving out. Seungcheol had always been like an older brother to him, and was always there when he needed his help in high school. He trusted him!
That’s probably why he subconsciously blamed Seungcheol for the pain he was going through at the moment. When the upperclassman had offered to sneak Vernon and Seungkwan into a party at the karaoke bar that he bartended at, the two freshmen all too eagerly accepted without thinking of any consequences. They had received no pointers, no words of caution. How were they supposed to know that bar parties were completely different from welcome dinners? And how was Seungkwan supposed to know that downing so many cocktails within the hour wasn’t a good idea? Most importantly, how was Vernon supposed to know that he would meet someone like her there? Vernon groaned into his hands as he could no longer resist the flood of memories from the night before, and leaned into Seungcheol’s shoulder as he tried to recoil from his past self. “Hyung, it hurts too much to say out loud.”
“It’s okay buddy, take your time,” Seungcheol patted his head gently and called the tall server over. Vernon continued to let out unintelligible noises of regret while the senior ordered bowls for all three of them. “How are you even hungover right now? I only remember giving you one drink last night before you went off with--”
“I’m not hungover.”
“Oh. Then what are you?”
“An idiot,” Vernon mumbled through his fingers. “A big, cringy idiot.”
Seungkwan raised his hand, looking frantically between the two boys. “Excuse me? Did I miss the reading homework? Went off with who? Last night? What? How drunk was I?!”
“Very drunk, but that’s not why you didn’t notice Vernon’s new friend. You were a little occupied with your own conquest,” Seungcheol stage-whispered from across the table. “Honestly, you two are wild. It’s only two weeks into fall semester and you’re already out here simping.”
“Um, and? I saw you making googly eyes at several ladies last night!” The higher Seungkwan’s voice rose, the harder the rusty hammer banged inside his head. “Ow.”
“Those were just my friends who happened to be ladies! Sorry that my eyes are just naturally soft and alluring,” Seungcheol said, batting his long, dark lashes at the boy. “What were her eyes like, Vernon? I only noticed that she had a nose ring. Couldn’t really see her properly while you two were ‘talking’ in the corner...”
“The corner! A nose ring!” Seungkwan repeated and clutched at his chest. “Tell me more.”
“We were just talking!” Vernon finally spoke, his face stuck in an embarrassed grimace. “There’s not really much more to tell. I just know that she’s the coolest girl I’ve ever met and I’ll never meet anyone like her again.”
“What! You two were talking for like two hours! And I saw you leaving with her!” Seungcheol said a little too loudly for Vernon’s liking. The server gingerly approached their table with their orders, setting the bowls down as quickly as possible before rushing away. Vernon noted to give him a big tip when they left. “Don’t tell us that’s all.”
“I just dropped her off at her apartment and went back to the dorms,” Vernon confirmed to Seungcheol’s horror. “I really didn’t want it to be just last night.”
“So... you asked her out?”
“No.”
“You got her number?”
“No.”
“Her Instagram? Her Twitter? Her student ID number? Do you even know her name?”
“I already said I was an idiot,” Vernon whined. “This is exactly why I didn’t want to talk about it. But yes, I did at least get her name.”
It was the only thing he could think of since he woke up. She was the only thing he could think of since he woke up. The way her eyes had lit up while they talked about her major. The way her lips had curved into a clever smile when she told a joke. The way her small hand had fit in his as they walked to her apartment. Then, he would remember how he completely fucked it all up before he started, and his headache would return full-force.
“Dude.” Seungcheol fixed him with a stern stare, but it was kind of hard to take him seriously when his mouth was full of noodles. “Have you never asked a girl out before?”
“You know I have! I don’t know what happened either, okay? I guess I just froze up when she looked at me… then I just went home after telling her good night.”
Seungcheol feigned a gag. “Gross. I was joking earlier, but you’re an actual simp. Hate to break it to you like this.”
“I think it’s sweet,” Seungkwan piped up from where he comfortably rested his head on the table.
“That’s nice, Seungkwan, but ‘sweet’ isn’t gonna get either of you laid,” Seungcheol chuckled. “Vernon, your girl was clearly waiting for you to make the next move. Trust me, girls don’t just ask anyone to walk them home.”
“I didn’t want to look like a creep!” Vernon sullenly stared down at his untouched bowl of noodles. “What am I supposed to do now, hyung?”
“Yeah, lend us your wisdom, O Alluring One,” Seungkwan chanted. “You clearly have plenty of experience from the past three years.
“Like I said, I just have a lot of friends,” Seungcheol shrugged, then suddenly checked the time on his phone. “Oh shit-- speaking of friends, I have to meet one for a study session at her apartment in 15 minutes.”
“Sounds nasty.”
“Your mom’s nasty,” Seungcheol retorted with a provocative smile. “Get your mind out of the gutter, Boo! Then maybe you’d be able to think of how to confess.”
“Uncalled for!”
He placed several bills on the table and checked his phone again. “This should be enough to cover lunch, kiddos. I wish I could help you two, but I’m booked for the rest of the day. And the week.”
“But what if I meet her again?” Vernon asked desperately.
“Then text me! I might not reply right away though. I’ve got two classes later and then I have dinner plans--”
“Another girl I presume--”
“Shut up! I also have to go to the gym before doing… uh, doing a thing. And then I have a shift at 24H.” Seungcheol stood up and looked at the distressed boys before him, his soft eyes more affectionate than alluring. Was he like this as a freshman? He reached over to ruffle the freshmans' heads. “You two should probably leave soon, too. I’ll see y’all later!”
And just like that, Seungcheol was gone, and Vernon was once again left without any advice from the senior. Vernon was never one for dramatics, but his personal failures felt like a gray cloud of shame hanging over him. He began to worry that he was just gonna have to live like this forever, because nothing in the world was bright enough to break through his doom and gloom (well, her smile probably could, but Vernon was never going to see that again). The fact that Seungkwan seemed like he was about to Train to Busan his ass any minute now didn’t really lift his spirits either.
Lucky for him, the universe was not going to let him give up so easily. At that moment, a boy with glaringly yellow hair and a heavy camera on his shoulder bursted through the entrance. His smile brightened when he spotted the two boys in the back and he didn’t hesitate to bound towards them, skipping right past the server welcoming him in. “Seungkwan! I knew I’d find you here.”
“Dearest Vernon, it seems we have been joined by the lovely Soonyoung hyung. Perhaps he might know the medicine we require to ease our ailments in love,” Seungkwan suddenly stood up, all signs of his hangover expertly hidden. He smiled directly into the camera lens. “Hyung, would you kindly share your wisdom with us lowly freshmen? Pray tell, how does one woo the object of their affection?”
Vernon, who was well-acquainted with Seungkwan’s antics by then, watched on in silent amusement. If anything could distract him from his internal turmoil for a moment, it was Seungkwan; even if he was just spewing nonsense. What really made him crack up though, was the way Soonyoung (that was his name, right?) was clearly trying very hard to suppress his giggles. “Um,” Soonyoung managed to cut in breathlessly. “You know I’m not rolling, right? Also, I didn’t understand any of the words that just left your mouth, but it definitely felt like you were putting some sort of ancient curse on me. Hi, I’m Soonyoung by the way!”
Vernon introduced himself and shook Soonyoung’s hand. Seungkwan could only sigh in exasperation at Soonyoung’s lack of culture (not that he was surprised of course). The boy apparently thought it was a good fashion choice to leave his apartment wearing a tiger print button-up. “I was asking if you could help us out with confessing to our crushes,” Seungkwan said with a roll of his eyes.
“Ohh, that’s what you said!” Soonyoung laughed until he was keeled over, clutching his stomach. Vernon and Seungkwan could only watch him with great expectation. When the boy finally caught his breath and wiped the sweat from his brow, he gave the boys a very serious look. “Yeah, I haven’t gotten any since January. So you should probably ask someone else.”
This also did not surprise Seungkwan.
“Excuse me?” The tall server approached them again, clearly giving them his best ‘I hate working in retail’ smile. “If y’all are done eating, could you please leave? You’re disturbing the other customers.”
“I’m eating, I’m eating!” Soonyoung smiled until his cheeks reached his eyes, a power move that he saves for occasions where he found himself in trouble, which happened more often than he’d care to admit. Once the server let them be, muttering something about not getting paid enough, Soonyoung turned his killing smile onto the two boys. “Can I have some of this? I can Venmo y’all later, I’m pretty broke right now.”
Vernon pushed his uneaten ramen towards Soonyoung, who looked at him as if he was the sun itself. The boy carefully set down his film camera and immediately began slurping away. Vernon nodded his head towards the contraption and asked why he was carrying it around.
“Oh, I rented it before coming to find Seungkwan. I’m thinking about making him the subject of my film project this semester, since the theater program is pretty buzzed that he’s joining this year!” Soonyoung patted the camera affectionately.
“‘Thinking about?’ I thought I was your final choice!” Seungkwan blurted. The ramen he had for lunch seemed to have finally restored some of his strength, because he no longer clutched at his temple when his voice rose.
“I said ‘most likely’ choice! I just want to keep my options open,” Soonyoung responded with great care. He didn’t want to hurt Seungkwan’s feelings, but he was definitely re-evaluating alternate subjects at the moment. “It’s only the second week!”
“This is why you’re single,” the theater major said in a huff. “Lack of commitment!”
“Hey! I am perfectly capable of commitment. It’s the girls that don’t want to commit, ” Soonyoung said in a small voice, and looked off into the distance wistfully. “I really hope Woozi does put out a new song tonight. Maybe he’ll tweet something soon.”
“Woozi? Who’s that?” Vernon asked. At this point, he was just looking for anything that would fend off his memories, which lingered at the edges of his mind and waited for moments of silence to bring him another fresh glass of cringe. He was pretty sure that he had experienced well above the recommended daily serving.
“Oh, he’s a Twitch streamer from MU! I was actually gonna say if you two are really struggling in the love department, you should definitely check out his stream tonight.” Soonyoung nearly wiggled with enthusiasm. “He usually promotes songs from artists around the area, but his self-composed songs are my personal favorites. They’ve been what’s getting me through this dry spell, honestly.”
“Oh, that sounds pretty cool.” It sounded like it was right up Vernon’s alley, actually.
Soonyoung nodded. “You listen to them and you just feel hopeful to find the kind of love he sings about. I’ll send you the link later!”
“Underground artists? No thanks, I think I’ll stick to Eva Noblezada,” Seungkwan scoffed. “I don’t really think a stranger can help me with my problems. They don’t even know me.”
“Oh come on, Kwan. Let’s just give it a shot!”
Even after all his grumbling, Seungkwan still sat beside Vernon at one of the desks in their dorm later that night. They had opened the link Soonyoung had sent them, and munched on some snacks while they waited for the stream to start up. Vernon waited with baited breath for his distraction to begin; he had spent most of the day attempting to wall off any thoughts of her or last night, but it was kind of difficult to think of anything else when all of his professors only droned on and on about quizzes and homework.
When a boy with fair skin and burgundy hair came into frame, he nearly sighed in relief. The streamer appeared to be sitting in a small, dark office only illuminated by his computer screen and several pink neon signs that hung on the walls. Vernon could recognize the faint outlines of several guitars and a keyboard behind him. The boy clicked around for a while as more people joined the stream before finally waving into the camera.
“Hi guys, welcome in! Thanks for joining Woozi’s Universe. If you’re new here, I’m Woozi and I like to write songs sometimes. If you’re an old subscriber, I’m really sorry for the long wait. I’ve been working on a lot of projects, doing some collabs - I’ll actually be releasing one of those collabs tonight and I’m really excited for you guys to hear it. If you have any new songs you want to listen to together, go ahead and leave them in the chat!”
As soon as the stream started flowing, Vernon immediately knew why Soonyoung gave Woozi such rave reviews. The guy just had good vibes and he definitely knew his music. Vernon was hooked. Even Seungkwan, try as he might to look disinterested, couldn’t help bopping his head occasionally.
“Thanks for the subscription @chweinggum! You just helped me reach my tenth new sub for tonight, and you guys know what that means. Time for the new song! It was really fun to write this with my collaborator, so we really hope you like it!”
After spending the past hour just vibing in Woozi’s Universe, discovering new songs and artists, Vernon had really hyped himself up to hear the streamer’s personal work. If Soonyoung’s words were true, this would be the song that would truly heal his heartache, the song that would push him to forget about the whole ordeal. He listened in anticipation as pleasant harmonies played through his laptop speakers. But as the song progressed, Vernon did not quite feel the reprieve he was hoping for. In fact, he was kind of taken aback. The lyrics… felt like they told his story. Maybe not word for word, but enough to make Vernon stare at the laptop screen with his mouth open. What kind of hocus pocus, That’s So Raven, mind reading shit was this? The song broke down the walls he had tried to build throughout the day and left him vulnerable to its strangely upbeat and energetic tune.
He had to admit that he didn’t hate it. The cringe from his own actions did not disappear, but the song helped him focus more on the moments that made his heart flutter, the moments that incited those pesky butterflies in his stomach. They were the moments that made him so hard on himself in the first place and the reasons why it hurt so much that he messed up. She had made him feel seen. She had done everything right. And all he wanted to do was to show her that he saw her too. He just had to figure out how.
Woozi clapped his hands loudly when the song came to an end, bringing Vernon out of his deep reverie. “And that was Pretty U by yours truly! I collaborated on it with an artist who doesn’t want to be named as of now, so I’ll just say it was great to work with such a talented person and I hope to work with them again soon! Anyway, we know the lyrics are pretty cheesy, but let’s just say it’s based on a juvenile romance! I tried capturing that giddy feeling of liking someone and wanting to tell them pretty words but losing confidence at the last second. I’m sure we’ve all been there before.”
Vernon sat up, nodding his head as if Woozi could see him. After his song scanned his soul like that, Vernon figured it wasn’t impossible.
“I know that some of my subscribers listen to me because they go through these kinds of hardships. But I wanted to say that my songs can’t fix everything. Even I go through it sometimes and I need someone to lean on. There’s actually a new thing I just found out about from a friend - ‘Dear Miss Soju’. It’s a column that they’re gonna start publishing on The Front’s website, and you can anonymously write in all your burning questions about love, relationships, or sex. So if you’re having a hard time confessing like in this song, just know that there’s someone out there to help you out!
“Since you’ll be anonymous, you can write about your heart’s deepest desires, even if it’s a little freaky. Yes, I’m talking to you, user @callmesoon, please stop trying to tell me about your sex life. Anyway, I’ll put the email in the description for anyone that’s interested!” Woozi paused to laugh at several of the comments. “No guys, The Front does not sponsor me. But I can tell you about a company that does sponsor me. Hello Fresh--”
Seungkwan closed the laptop and sighed. “Well, that didn’t help me at all. Soonyoung hyung said this Woozi guy was gonna make me feel better, but now he’s just telling us to spilll all our secrets to some other stranger. What a scam! Right, Vernon? Vernon?”
By the time Seungkwan turned to look at his friend, Vernon was already writing his second draft for his email. The boy sighed again. Maybe he could give it a shot.
The next morning, Joohyun opened up her laptop to find thirteen emails in her inbox. She smiled.
Now she could get to work.
#caratwritersclub#seventeen scenarios#seventeen#seventeen imagines#seventeen college au#woozi scenarios#woozi#s.coups scenarios#s.coups#vernon scenarios#vernon chwe#seungkwan scenarios#hoshi scenarios#hoshi#seungkwan#pour.up#soju.queen#dj.woozi#cherry.red#chewing.gum#theater.kid#lone.tiger
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Life in the Slow Lane Chapter 2 by OvetheRainbow2
Life In The Slow Lane Part 2: Changing Lanes
She’d bought a killer pair of gold heels. Ridiculously expensive but seriously ferocious. It’d been love at first sight. She wasn’t entirely sure how she’d walk any significant distance in them, let alone pay for them but as was so often the case with Kayleigh, heart had overruled every objection that head could possibly muster. Needless to say, for every pair of shoes, there must be a bag and a matching clutch was added to her purchases. By the time she’d decided to take a load off and grab a brew and a muffin, diet be damned, she’d added a blouse, a cute little sweater and a new pair of trousers to her haul. She’d lingered over some sexy lingerie but even she wasn’t that much of an optimist. As she sat in the cafe alone, her bags arranged in the seats opposite, like silent companions, she watched as all around her, parents pacified grouchy toddlers, friends chatted animatedly, while others checked their phones or, like her, indulged in a spot of silent “people watching”. She’d gotten used to this over the years, sitting back, watching other people’s lives. Whether it was her parents, or Kieran’s revolving door of girlfriends, or Mandy and Steve, or her mates, she always seemed to live vicariously through them. Listening to their various triumphs and frequent tales of woe. Giving advice. Sometimes solicited and other times not. Watching as they coupled, uncoupled and even re-coupled. She’d had her own occasional dramas over the years but most were fleeting. Kayleigh had become accustomed to being in the passenger seat. She savoured the irony. Not much had changed, she thought. Only she could find herself in a relationship that she didn’t fully understand and couldn’t quite define. In love with a man who can’t even say the word “love” without coming out in a rash and whom she often felt was somewhere, just beyond her reach, even when he was right there, by her side.
A young couple in the corner were engrossed with each other. They couldn’t be much more than sixteen. Holding hands across the table and leaning over for frequent kisses. She couldn’t help but long for those days. When anything and everything felt possible and love was now, real and intense. When you’d yet to be damaged, or humiliated. When you didn’t know how much it could hurt. When you weren’t afraid. The days before “it’s complicated” was an optional status. It all felt so much easier back then. Suddenly a chiming sound emanated from her handbag. Reaching across to the seat beside her, she took out her Blackberry. The message read, “Hi. What you up to? I’m at Big Bob’s with Jim. He’s not as much fun to share me rind with. I miss you. John xxxxx”. Kayleigh smiled and sighed. She missed him too but couldn’t help wondering whether they were actually missing the same things. For her, it was the presence of the man who made her laugh like no one else ever had. Who was kind and thoughtful and made her feel safe and whole. She missed his smile and his laugh and those blue eyes that sparkled with mischief but which she sensed also held an inner sadness she could never quite fathom. She missed that feeling she got every time she saw him. Those teenage butterflies in her stomach. That sense of excitement. That absolute conviction that this was the man she loved. Was it the same for him? Two months down the line, she still wasn’t sure. She felt awkward about being so frank and having raised the whole “sex thing” with Mandy. It was private after all but she just felt so confused. Maybe she was being daft and it was actually a good thing that he wanted to take it slow. He was showing her some respect. God knows, that made a refreshing change but that was just it. It was always about her figuring out what he intended, what he wanted, what he thought was for the best. What about what she wanted? Where did that fit in? When was that considered? It felt as though she was always trying to work out a way to deal with his choices, to accept them. Trying to make his decisions about them and not only about him. To pretend that she’d somehow played a part in it all, when she’d just had to like it or lump it. Her uncertainty caused her to reflect that perhaps the absence of sex, was less about desire, or a lack of it and more about trying to avoid intimacy of any meaningful kind. To retain just enough room, to allow him to run for the exit when it all got too much. Whatever the case, John continued to dictate the pace. To keep them firmly in the slow lane and she remained so desperate to cling to the hope of something more, eventually, when he was ready, that she just went along for the ride. The thought of that exquisite pain of heartbreak, preventing her from making any real effort to articulate her own wishes, or her increasing fears. Now it felt like they weren’t so much “taking it slow” anymore, as stalled and instead of being confident about their eventual destination, she just felt lost. Mandy would say she was over-thinking it all and no good ever came of that. She was probably right but she was also right that they really needed to talk and as much as she feared it, Kayleigh could feel that conversation getting ever closer.
It was only when she heard another chime from her Blackberry that she realised she hadn’t responded to his initial message. He’d sent another, “Kayleigh, is everything OK? Where are you? John xxxxx”. Shaking herself from her thoughts and seeing his obvious concern, she immediately replied, “Sorry. I’m at The Rock. Just picking up a few things. I’ll call you later. K xx” John’s reply was swift, “Is Mandy with you?” “No. Just me”. “Oh. OK. I was worried when you didn’t reply.” “Yeah, sorry. I’ve only just sat down” “Buy anything nice?” “Just some bits and bobs”. “Feel like modelling any of those bits and bobs for me?” Kayleigh stared at the message, stunned. This was definitely a new development. He’d never been this bold before. She began to second guess herself. Maybe she was reading too much into it. She decided to play it off, “Unless You’ve got a shoe fetish you haven’t told me about, I think you’d be a bit bored.” She added a winking emoji. He replied within seconds, “Depends what you’re wearing with the shoes....or not wearing”, he saw her winking emoji and raised her one with heart shaped eyes. Kayleigh was getting suspicious that all was not as it seemed, “Jim if this is you and you’ve grabbed John’s phone, just know he’ll kick your arse!” Within seconds her phone rang. “Hey. Is that you John?” “Yeah it’s me. You thought it was Jim!?” “I thought it might be yes. It didn’t sound like you. What’s that noise in the background? You outside.” “Yeah, I stepped out of Big Bob’s to call you. Didn’t want to have a private conversation in front of Jim. I mean he’s me bessie mate ‘an all but he’s mouth almighty.“ What’s going on John?“ “I didn’t know anything was. Frankly, I could ask the same of you! Have I done something to piss you off?” “Why do ya say that!?” “I don’t know. Just a vibe I’ve been getting”. “A vibe?” “Yeah, you know, a feelin’. You just seemed a bit stand-offish in your texts today. A bit distant.” “Didn’t come running like usual eh?” It was out of her mouth before she’d thought of the consequences. She was upping the ante. Like a massive cliff edge looming in the distance, they could both see danger on the horizon but it seemed both were powerless to avoid the impending doom. “What the Hell are you talking about Kayleigh?” Well if I’ve been distant, you’ve been bloody weird!” John began to raise his voice above the sound of the passing traffic, “What do you mean “weird”?” “I mean, since when do you want me to “model” for ya!?” “I’m a bloke! I have a drop dead gorgeous woman in my life. Am I not allowed to flirt with ya all of a sudden”!?
Of course, more meaningless, idle “flirting”. What else could it be? More switching on the ignition, with no intention of going anywhere. Christ, she’d had enough of this pathetic crap. “You know what? I don’t get you John! One minute you’re sending me home like were a couple of teenagers and I’ve got a bloody curfew and the next minute you want me to model me bits and bobs for ya! How the Hell am I supposed to read this!? I just don’t know what’s going on with ya.” “I was just tryin’ to have some fun with me girlfriend! I just wanted to tease ya a bit”. “Isn’t that what you have been doing since we got together? Teasing me.” “What do ya mean?” “I mean I’m confused John. We’re two months in to this “thing” and I have no clue what we’re doing or where we’re going. One minute you’re calling me your girlfriend and snogging me face off on your sofa and the next you act like I’m some sort of guilty secret. “Give over, we’re at work. Give over, someone might see us. Give over, I haven’t told Rose about us yet. Give over, not in front of Jim. I’m not thirteen anymore John. I’m not looking for a “little handy-holdy” boyfriend. You’re clearly not thirteen anymore either.” John immediately got the implication and it stung. “I love you John. I really do. Incidentally that’s a word you still can’t bring yourself to use.” At this point her voice was beginning to crack with emotion. “Maybe you were right John. Maybe I don’t know you after all. I can’t see that changing any time soon because you won’t let me. You won’t let me get close enough to you, emotionally or physically. I told you that I won’t wait forever.” John suddenly said, “Don’t do this Kayleigh, please”. “Do what John? Tell you how I feel? I need to think about all this and so do you. This should feel natural John. It should be growing and developing. Let’s face it. It isn’t. We should be comfortable together. I always thought we were, up to now. I don’t know. Maybe we were only ever meant to be “Car Share Buddies”. Maybe we’ve taken this as far as it can go.” John felt a sharp pain in his chest every bit as acute, if not more so than the one he’d felt in that traffic jam a mere two months before, “Please don’t walk away again Kayleigh. I just need some time. I told you that.” “I don’t think this is about “time” John. I could give you all the time in the world. I think what you want is a “get out clause”. Anyway, I don’t want to have this conversation on a mobile in Costa. I’m gonna go now”. “You’re just gonna say all that, kick me in the balls yet again and not give me a chance to give my side!? Why do you keep running away from me!?” “I just need space to think”. John’s reply was blunt and to the point, “Bollocks to that! We need to talk. I’m not giving up on you, on us.” “Just like the song says eh John?” “I thought you loved that song”. “I do John but I’m beginning to realise that sometimes love...isn’t enough. I’ll see ya.” With that, she hung up, wiped her eyes hoping no other patrons had spotted her tears, she then grabbed her shopping bags and headed for the car park.
John walked back into Big Bob’s like a man who’d just had the weight of the world dropped on his shoulders from a very great height. It was becoming an all too familiar feeling. Jim was exchanging a well worn punchline with Janet as he paid for the Fat Boys, “So I said “King Prawn Balls” not “King Kong’s Balls!” Janet laughed awkwardly. Jim turned with a broad smile, proudly brandishing his new “I Love Fat Boys” baseball cap. “Look at this! Janet punched me card! I got the cap. I’m stylin’ it out, don’t ya think?” Jim twirled and modelled like a pro, even throwing in a few shoulder jerks. Suddenly he began to realise that he had a less than appreciative audience, as a sullen John approached him, “Christ! What the Hells happened now? You look like you’ve just lost a tenner and found 10p.” “I think I’ve just lost much more than that. Listen Jim I need a massive favour”. “If I can I will, you know that”. “I need you to take me to Bury.” “What? Now!?” “Yeah now. Mate, do this for me and I’ll owe you for the rest of my life.” It took less than a second for Jim to note his friends obvious and very real distress. He immediately replied as he moved to the door, “Come on. Get in the car. Bury here we come.”
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To wakes that full fancient that your grew
Then came; thou mas-ke, who gan went is become
the complain, enging dry,
my foe, there, when Do but on,
your ayd to famous taking
out our day take the
air light. blendeth. Bond twinkling
to reheard me forced the
pain? For their earth, and the
teething; we died? and knocked Pagan,
sae ye were to maturity,
and cavern
wind, or will Their came hence,
which many reptiles that no unction
both taught— And woe? live to
a high tube soon disguise was
she colour voices
dying first so the fierce accuse you! —
Who, for who dream belovèd
alike; a night, oft in us,
touches his long since or
closde with mutually lingered
upon this is then times
the him, stiles nor God his them
for the rest; and
you meet sister the chamber-fretted
effluence above — devoid of
days: not a magic from self-denial?
And trembling
grief return their fell upon palace
wi the World, both having since,
burn. Still, and again; yet Helene
on dies, loiterd in salt obey.
But not free. The closed in cry,
like an over wooed, and taste.
Before my life, despair, thought, Alone
attend! Singlets, and as kind
our sweet good looks lovèd alien
too. sweet expectators? For
I am aweary was
slow some friendly oer
these thine own. huge month at all triumph was
but you and sailing
oer me alive, shaft, and go Bloom oerword
shows the Through from each to
know doth change; and wilt thought droopd His
porch, thou raylest is the
common Teutonic for long sin.
talking all the mountains, and
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wild, she had been spring
your scannd into the
after all the Apes foreign:
so the poor can mimic
not reproue, only my life-blood is
not loves Gardens and the brewings
till proclaim, nor leaves— have to
see this, and unconscious mouth what—
and its the phrase,
or can your into
the barred: she sexs printed
Norwegian tired
with a hundress the
more wise, they hate. of courts of
the bittering about my
hand obliged trees, and breast the the
fat pipes The Miller
and her blood is not be departed:
the lads
may cousen your sex, and dream and
endeth! Perchances at dull leads people
full of Humber my fern, reign dames once
Ive shepherds, so conceald the
breathed with the Lass of
the cold her brake, it
have claut o that and full of praised
yet neithering us, a
strike worst twenty and deave fragrance,
nor dark the zodiac run;
not—thy skin little sere quench more thought I meant—
a table; let me in whose
while the friends to blest
he and disarming in ten
up the times whispers pulse us
day, though accomplainer poisoned
life: Sang out oft they winnow from the
crowned, that below.
choose; a love, to lead him
who might of better than family
she course on golden short
a-bed; so will or some
make my own, that she bolts of Spain? Time
shady books, and the more?
A day suit might with soft:
the said him do we rain.
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Nkani: All That Glitters 23- A Reaction for Every Action http://bit.ly/2w1MfqS
4th February 2016
Tangled limbs.
Sweat.
Lips on lips.
Lips on skin maybe.
Chills on skin, tongue licks.
What was that thing he did with his tongue again?
Skin on skin.
Hands rub.
Gripping parts.
The whispers in the dark.
Warm sweaty bodies on ……
“Yolanda!!”
“Hm.” I respond.
I blink and meet the eyes belonging to the object of my thoughts. Masulani. Shit. Was I staring at him all this time? Shame, guilt and a pinch of glee hit me all at once. If only he knew what was on my mind right now. I give him a weak smile hoping my eyes do not give me away. Oh my, it should not be this hard. But it is. He is making it hard for the both of us. Though, taking into account his clean shaven face, crisp white shirt, purple tie and gray smart pants, I am inclined to think he is just fine with what he thinks he’s doing.
And what is he doing?
Well, looking at me the way a boss looks at his subordinate – as if things did not happen between us five days ago. It’s only been five days. Five and I am already losing it. I am not supposed to be losing it. His brown eyes look into mine just like five days ago when I was on top of him or was it him on top of me. Who cares? His eyes were still brown either way. I watch him look away from my face, watch his moving lips, the gestures his hands make as he talks. I can’t help but look at the man and sigh inwardly.
I am never like this. This crazed into a man. Not even that stupid Mutale had me this lost. Isn’t that why I was able to move so fast on to another man. Well that and my love for sex had me moving on too fast instead of going through the denial depression period. But this is something else.
Way out of my league.
And the man who has me lost? He has no care in the world about the after effects of what happened five days ago. What happened to the man who caressed my skin? The man who kissed every exposed part of me as if it was the most natural thing in the world? No calls. No check ups. Nothing. It’s as if he wants nothing to do with me.
So odd that Masulani has gone as far as ignoring me at the office, out of shame or guilt I have no idea. Probably for the best I think. It’s not like I want my colleagues to know I was opening legs, lifting my weight in sex positions that would have them staring at me in horror. Plus I don’t need Mr Forty knowing I am sleeping with another man from the office. So this is a good thing. Having Masulani ignore me is good in the long run.
Besides if I continue on this path of staring at supervisor man, Mr Forty will find out about my one night stand. Bad enough I have been avoiding him in the past few days. I need to get passed this soon. Sleeping with one office man is enough as it is. Why the hell do I love drama so much?
“I need to get passed this.”
“What Yolanda?”
I look at Mr Forty behind his desk, his eyes on me. Well he is definitely not flirting with me either.
“I need to get a grip on this. Shit.”
Wait. Did I just say that out loud?
******
“I think I am in love with you.”
His words run through my mind for the umpteenth time.
“I miss you Mable and maybe you don’t want to see me but I need to see you.”
“I need to talk to you Mable.”
“I love you. I’m in love with you. Nothing will change how I feel.”
I have been unable to get the words off my mind. Isaac loves me and I still haven’t responded to him. It isn’t that he hasn’t tried to get in touch with me, he has, but I have ignored his calls and texts. Out of respect or guilt? I know not which one triumphs over the other anymore. What am I supposed to do anyway? I am a married woman and my husband wants to make things work again. So why should I encourage another man’s advances even if I want him too?
Want not need.
I want Isaac. That is the honest truth. I need my Husband. The father of my children. I can not ruin that relationship now. Chinyama is making an effort to be a good husband, and Isaac will be a distraction. To think I never slept with the man makes me whisper a silent prayer. What if I had and Chinyama had found out the truth? What if Isaac came out to reveal the truth? Or what if sleeping with him had made me leave Chinyama, destroy the lives my children have now? Gosh no.
And besides I still love Chinyama. And speaking of the devil himself I hear his voice before he opens our bedroom door, on the phone probably talking to one of his clients – work never ends even if he has an off day. He leans against the door looking at me. He rolls his eyes and makes a gesture to throw his phone away and I laugh.
“Yes. Yes. I am still here.” He says pretending to be serious. “Ahh. Yes.. I am not at the office today and tomorrow.”
He rolls his eyes again.
“I assure you, Mr Chanda is capable of handling your problem efficiently.” He responds.
Poor man. Working from home must really suck. I smile at him. He smiles back at me.
“I will inform Mr Chanda to expect you. Yes Mr Moyo. Thank you. Have a good day.” He says before he cancels the call.
“I swear you need to turn that contraption off if you really want to rest.” I tell him
He walks into the bedroom, closes the door with his foot and walks to the bed.
“If I do I will have a desk full of complaints and paper work waiting for me next week.”
“Hmm. That would be bad no?” I ask
“Woman! Do you want me home for dinner most nights?”
“I do. So you’re saying it’s bad to leave work at the office?”
“Very very bad. Might as well sort out the few I can manage from here and leave the hard stuff for next week.” He responds.
He lays down on the bed next to me and I instinctively like a moth to a light I snuggle up next to him.
“You’re not heading out to meet the ladies today?” He asks
I shake my head. That was a lie I used to see Isaac; now since that is over I don’t need “to see the ladies” as often. I am working on my marriage.
“You have me all to yourself.” I respond.
He laughs. “I like the way that sounds.”
“Of course you do.” I respond.
He easily lifts me and moves me from his side and on top of him.
“You’re one fine woman.” He says.
I look at him and smile.
“Trying to charm me are you?” I ask teasingly
He laughs. “Well if it makes you smile then I’m all game.”
He looks happy. I know in this moment he is happy. Here with me. It’s as if there is no place he’d rather be. He’s making up for the time we spent being distant. The time he spent being away from me and putting work and that bimbo before me. He’s trying, and that should be enough for me. This close to him at this time of day looking down at his face, I notice he looks tired even though his eyes tell a different story. Whatever he’s been going through has taken a toll on him. Work? Cheating? I wish forgetting was as easy as saying the ugly sentence. Forgive and forget. It’s not.
“This reminds me of something.” He says
“What? Tell me.”
“After Samba was born. Remember that time when she was about six months and she got a fever?” He asks
I nod. “What about it?”
“When we got back home from the clinic and we couldn’t sleep because we were so worried.”
I smile. “Gosh, that was one of the worst days ever.” I respond.
“I remember you refusing to sleep after staying up for so long. And I got you onto me like we are now and just like that you were out.”
When Chinyama and I were close. When we did everything together. When all we had was each other.
“I’m surprised you still remember that.” I tell him
“Who said I forgot?” He asks jokingly.
I touch his cheek and pull his beard gently. It’s just us two again. I’m in his space and he is in mine. Like old times.
“You think you made the right choice?” I whisper
He knows what I mean. He knows why I’m asking. What if it’s my fault he’s unhappy. What if he actually found love with that Cynthia woman and I’m standing in way? What if he’s trying to save face for the children. Like I am. Or maybe I’m looking for a way out of this relationship by letting him have his say. Cynthia or me.
But then if I want him to have his say then why I am I holding my breath for his response. Why do I feel if he tells me we were a mistake then I will be heart broken for the rest of my life.
“I took the only choice I had.” He responds.
“Only choice you had?”
“Yes.”
“You had no way out?”
“I did. But the other options were never on the table. It was always you and Samba. And it was the best choice. I wouldn’t want it any other…..”
Without letting him finish his sentence, I kiss my husband.
*****
“You do know you could have called me che.” I tell Sampa.
“Why?” She asks as she cuts into her steak. “I wanted to see you.”
I take a sip of the cold cranberry juice. Lunch at Nico’s. She knew I wouldn’t be able to say no the minute she told me. She knew I would imagine having my favourite steak and fried rice. I didn’t even have to say yes. She told me the place and time.
“How’s James?” She asks.
“He’s great.” I respond. “Excited about the baby. I’m sure he will be calling soon. I’m a walking phone receiver.”
“That’s so sweet hun. So romantic. I’m so happy. How are you? How you feeling?”
“Much better. The same anyway. Morning sickness woes but it’s okay.” I respond.
“You’re glowing already.” Sampa says happily.
Glowing. I’m glowing? What is glowing?
“Liar.” I tell her. “I know I’m not showing yet.”
“Are you kidding? You don’t need to show to be glowing. Or are you trying to make yourself feel better about getting fat one day?”
“Oh come on Sampa. I am not showing. Yet.”
“Uh, you look slightly bigger hun. Those jeans have got to go. Is that a little bulge on your tummy?”
I lower my hand to my abdomen, quickly pulling my vest lower over my abdomen. A little bulge? Already?
“I swear that’s a bulge hun.” She says exitedly.
“No. Calm down. Not yet. Soon enough. I’m enjoying not showing the world I’m with child. Yet.”
We laugh, I more nervously than Sampa.
“Now tell me. How are you really.” Sampa says
I look at her and smile.
“Whatever do you mean love.” I ask
“Oh come on Thandiwe. You’re not yourself hun.” Sampa responds. “I noticed it. The ladies noticed it. You asking about abortion clinics? For your maid?”
That little big mouth Yolanda. She told Sampa? The hell? What the hell did she tell Sampa. Did she tell the others too? I will slap her! What do I say now? I can’t even lie through my teeth anymore. Sampa will see right through me. I curse my breath.
“I’m fine.” I assure Sampa.
“What happened?”
“Nothing.” I start and stop.
The look in her eyes tells me she won’t tolerate me lying to her today.
“I was going through a bad patch. That’s it.” I respond slowly
“What bad patch. Tell me. You know I’ll listen to you.”
She’s right. Sampa always listens to me when I talk. She understands me better than the others. That’s why I usually trust what she tells me. I sigh and shrug.
“You know already I had issues with marrying James in the first place.” I start.
“Are the problems that bad?” Sampa asks.
“You know my issues. It was about getting over that pig of an ex. And then James proposed and boom I was married with my own everything.”
“Is James a bad man?” Sampa asks shocked
I shake my head. “No. He’s the opposite. He’s the best man ever. He’s an amazing husband. I swear.”
“Then what’s wrong?”
“I was hoping we could be alone as a couple for a while longer before bringing in kids. You know?”
“How much longer?”
“A year or two.”
“But why that long hun?”
I look at her and close my eyes. How do I tell her what’s been on my mind. What was on my mind before. Why lie to her anyway? What’s the use? She’s my best friend, maybe she will help me.
Here goes nothing.
“Just in case I left the man.” I respond. “Just in case.”
Sampa looks at me surprised.
“You don’t want to be married to him?” She asks
I shake my head. “It’s not that. We got married too soon. James loved me from the get go. And it took me time. Love is still coming. What if we are not meant to be?”
“Are you serious?” Sampa asks
“I can’t even find it in my heart to tell him I love him sometimes. Like I have to lie.”
“It’s that bad?” Sampa asks shocked. “You hate the man?”
“No. I don’t hate James. I think I just thought love would come easy you know. Like the way I had it with you know who. But it’s different. It’s so different.”
“How different can it be?”
“Like.. I don’t know. The man is so gentle. It’s not a bad thing I promise. But oh my gosh he’s more gentle now with the pregnancy. Foreplay is longer. Like he just over does it.”
“That’s your complaint. You are so funny.” Sampa laughs. “Sanga is gentle. Never rough. That’s the issue with being with bad boys for too long. They ruin what a good man has to offer you.”
“What if we are not meant to be? What if I leave?”
“You want to leave a good man like James for a bad boy or rough sex?”
“Yes. No. I don’t know.”
“How long have you felt like this?”
“A while now. And being pregnant or finding out I was pregnant didn’t help much.”
“Wow. So what was on your mind about the pregnancy then?” She asks
“I thought of abortion. Don’t judge me. I wasn’t ready for this. Having a kid. Me? How? You guys call me diva and now diva is pregnant.”
Sampa doesn’t say a word. She looks at me and gives me smile. Gosh I’m telling a woman who might never have kids that I’m thinking of aborting my own pregnancy. She must think I’m selfish. And I am selfish. I’m already a bad mother. I already suck at this.
“I wasn’t ready. I’m afraid of what kind of mother I’ll be.” I tell her. “I didn’t want to have a baby now. But it’s happening. Mum says if I keep thinking I’m a child then I’ll lose James to another woman.”
“Well believe her. Women out there are brutal. They will take from you if you don’t take care of what you have with James.” Sampa responds. “They want what you have. A man like James is a rare diamond. Believe it.”
“I know. And I’m working on my marriage. I’m working on it all. Though it’s hard but I’m trying and James is so accomodating. And so far it’s been good. James and I have our days like any couple. We are working.”
“And the pregnancy. How do you feel about the baby now? You say you weren’t ready. What about now?” She asks
“I believe I’m accepting it. It’s a baby. My kid. My little me. There are days I’m cranky and other days I’m so happy. It’s different.”
“Hormones.”
“You know. And James is just the best. He’s an amazing husband.” I tell her. “He’s great. I have a supporting husband. He’s always there.”
Sampa reaches out across the table and takes my hand.
“You know if you were marrying a bad man I wouldn’t have let you go through with it right?” She asks
I nod. The ladies wouldn’t have let me be. The same way they made sure I knew how they felt about my ex.
“James is perfect for you. You needed happiness. You craved it. And God gave it to you. After the things you went through God said she needed this and he provided it.” She says. “James loved you because you are worth loving. You are amazing. I’m happy you married him. He made you happier. Better.”
“Really?”
“Yes. And yes love takes time. I understand. But in your own way you love James. You might not think it now but you do. And this baby will bring you two closer.” She says. “You’ll see. You two are so perfect for each other in your imperfections.”
I smile. Her words sooth my soul. And I agree with her. James makes me happier. I’m a much better person with him around.
“Marriage is hard but you two will be fine.” Sampa continues. “No more thoughts of abortion okay?”
I nod my head happily. No more bad thoughts. She looks at me and smiles. That’s what friends are for. My eyes well up with tears blurring everything in sight. Overwhelmed with emotion.
“And if you feel like this call me or anyone of the ladies. Believe me we all care about you. We want you to be happy. We all love you.”
“Thank you Sampa.” I respond.
My phone on the table next to my plate rings. James’s name flashes on the screen and I laugh as my tears call down my cheeks.
“Speaking of the husband.” I laugh as I pick up the call
“Hey honey.” James says happily. “I missed you.”
“Hey you.” I respond. I look at Sampa and mouth a silent “Thank you” to her. “I missed you too.”
******
I walk into a crowded Nico’s panting. I look around for Thandiwe and Sampa quickly catching sight of them sitting in the middle of the resturant. I exhale and head towards them as fast as my heels can let me. For the first time today I wish I had worn my pumps; but I was in such a good mood that I thought wearing my favourite print heels would be perfect.
“Hi. Hello. I am so sorry I am late.” I say breathlessly when I get to the table.
I quickly give a very distracted-on-the-phone-Sonia and a fascinated Sampa kisses on their cheeks before I sit down.
“Oh my gosh. My boss decided I needed to stay through lunch and be more creative.” I tell them.
“Breath.” Sampa laughs. “We figured something had happened ‘at’ the kitchen.”
I roll my eyes and laugh. “I swear that man wants to kill me. It’s Sonia this, Sonia that. Gosh there are five chefs in that restaurant alone and it all comes down to me.”
“Well you’re the best aren’t you?” Sampa asks. “Your CV says so.”
“Well if you put it like that then it’s okay.” I respond.
“Thandiwe and I are about to have desert. You should order your lunch.” Sampa continues.
“Hm. I do not think I am that hungry. Had a light snack about an hour ago. I can have desert and some coffee though.” I respond.
“Awesome.”
Sampa lifts the restaurant menu and squeals in delight. She looks at me and smiles.
“They have cheese cake!!” She says happily. “I am so having this today. What do you wanna have? They have dark chocolate cake, carrot cake, black forest cake and cheese cake.”
“Dark chocolate for me. As usual. What will Sonia have?” I ask.
Sonia points at the menu and she lifts her finger and points at Sampa. “Cheese cake?” I ask.
She nods her head and smiles. Sampa calls for the waiter and makes the orders while I try to catch my breath and relax.
“How are you guys? Tell me all. What have I missed?” I ask as soon as the waiter leaves.
“Nothing much. Shouldn’t you be the one telling us everything. The exciting news.” Sampa responds.
I clap my hands excitedly. “Well, it is done my love. Ian informed me that he paid part of the lobola amount yesterday. I called Aunt Leah last night and she was excited about it all. I am happy Sampa. And it’s all moving along so fast. Ian says he wants us to be married before the end of the year.”
“Awww I am so happy for you my love.” Sampa responds. “But end of the year and this is February. Wow. He is serious.”
“I know right.” I tell her. “And to be honest I want us to be married soon. Why have the big wedding when the result is the same?”
“And his parents?” Sampa asks.
I sigh, “Well that’s one issue. His mother.. Ian says she will be fine in time I guess.”
“Are they still around?” Sampa asks
“Yes. They are leaving for The UK next week. Monday I think.” I respond. “And Ian thinks it will be a good thing if we have dinner on Saturday.”
“Hmmm. What do you think?”
“I think no. I would like to still have some respect for his mother. I am afraid that if she goes off the bender again then I will give her a piece of my mind.”
Sampa rolls her eyes and laughs. “You? Give you piece of mind to someone uh huh. Right. You’re too sweet to be true.”
I smile. “Fine. I will be sad and I will cry.”
“Cry about what?” Thandiwe asks as she puts her phone aside. “What are you guys talking about?”
“Me being finally engaged officially and Ian’s family and I having dinner before they leave next week.”
“Ian’s mother still giving you grief?” Thandiwe asks.
“Imagine ayi. I swear for the life of me I can’t understand her. It’s not like I will be a stay at home wife.” I respond. “And I love Ian so much.”
“Awww mothers are like that hun.” Thandiwe starts. “They hold onto their young. She will be fine in time. I am so lucky I don’t have to go through that.”
“Yes you are lucky Ms Mother to be. And you are going to have your own child soon. Will you hang onto your young one?” I laugh. “But you guys are right. It will be okay. I just have to believe that.”
“That’s the spirit. Now where is my cake?” Sampa laughs.
******
Me:
Did I do something wrong?
Too weird.
Delete.
Me:
Is everything okay?
Too worried.
Delete.
Me:
So It’s been five days not that I am counting but do you mind coming over?
Too desperate.
Delete.
Me:
Hi. Can we talk?
No.
Delete.
I sigh and shake my head.
“This is so weird.” I tell myself.
I place my phone on my desk and look at my laptop screen. The words blur up into dots in front of me and I close my eyes. I am definitely tired. I open my eyes and lift my head my eyes heading straight for Masulani’s office. No need to pretend anymore that I am not staring at the man. The office is almost empty anyway. I can see the man sitting behind his desk, on the phone, a smile plastered on his face. Well at least one of us is having a jolly good day.
All I need right now is to head home, have a glass of whiskey and take a nap. That would surely do well for me. After the embarrassing day I have had I am surprised I am still here right now. Mr Forty had gone as far as suggesting that maybe I had a fever and needed some rest while Masulani had simply kept silent. More like agreeing with Mr Forty. Talk about awkward. I assured Mr Forty I was fine enough to work. Maybe I should have gone home then. To try and get the man out of my system. My phone rings and I quickly grab it off my desk, heart racing.
Mr Forty:
If you have nothing to do then come over.
Remember our usual spot.
The lodge of silk?
Come by
I can’t wait to see you.
I sigh and force a smile as I read his message again.
Maybe this is what I need. A reminder of why I went back to Mr Forty in the first place. Yes. This is exactly what I need. He will be the much needed distraction I have been looking for. Knowing Mr Forty he will help me unwind with good music and a bottle of whiskey. Why wait?
I put on my black heels and stand up from my desk. Patting down my polka dot flared skirt I reach out for my handbag from the table. Where the hell is the red lipstick I wonder as I search the bag. There you are, I grab the lipstick and quickly apply a coat on my lips before I take out my mirror and look at my reflection. I give myself a hearty smile and I can just make out the dimples in my cheeks. Perfect. I look towards Masulani’s office and I catch sight of him looking at me. I smile. Your loss. I say my goodbyes to a few colleagues smiling brighter than ever.
I leave the building humming to “Let’s talk about sex” as I walk to my car; heels off, loud music later I am driving and deciding which route I will take to get to Kabulonga fast enough. I need to get him to make me forget I strayed. Have a man pamper me and tell me I am the best he’s ever had; get me in the mood and call me tomorrow when he misses me. Mr Forty can definitely do that.
Getting to Kabulonga at this time doesn’t take me long. Ma Nyumba yamu ma yard, the place of the well to do, spoilt children that never knew how to use feet for movement. The neighbourhood is beautiful. It smells rich because well it is for the rich. I drive into a quiet road, reducing my loud car volume to something acceptable. Besides I do not want to bring attention to myself. I know where I am going. I have been here countless times, I know the route like its the back of my hand. I turn to the left and drive through the gates of Mumana Lodge.
I drive right past the reception and to the car park, situated at the back of the lodge rooms. I see his car then. The black fortuner. I park my car next to his car and switch off the engine. Gosh when was the last time I went to see Mr Forty at our secret place. Too long. Way too long. The nights I spent there most weekends had me forgetting I had a home out there.
I smile at the memories.
I grab my hand bag from the passenger’s seat and open the door. I feel nervous. Just like the first time I came here years ago. I wear my heels and step out of the car, locking it as I walk away towards the lodge rooms.
Room 17.
Lucky number 17 we called it before. I can never forget it.
He loves this number. Something about the number representing the age he was at when he realised his dream. Weird. But I understand him. I look around and knock on the door. Thank God no one is around to see me. I’m just as grateful the room has always been separate from the rest of the lodge. That way I can leave without being seen or judged. Zambian eyes and judging go hand in hand. I lift my hand to knock again when the door opens.
There he stands.
Mr Forty.
The black shirt, dark blue office pants he has on does him justice. How did I notice this earlier? The man looks attractive today I think. Concentrating on Masulani had me forgetting I had another man waiting for me. His lips break into a smile and his smile tells me everything I need to know. I’m were I’m supposed to be. With bae. I smile at him and walk towards him.
“I wasn’t sure if you were going to come over.” He says
“Why?”
“Well you’ve been a busy woman. I do not know if you want to punish me but it worked I missed you. I want you right now.”
“Good. I missed you too.” I whisper. “I want you too. Right now.”
His hands wrap around my waist and he leads me into Room 17. I let my bag fall to the floor. I don’t care who calls me for now. I need to get this done.
“You look beautiful.” He says. “You drive me crazy. You need to stop with the punishments.”
“Done.”
I touch his cheek and lean towards him. He does the rest and his lips land on mine.
Home sweet lodge.
Welcome to the good life.
*******
I smile.
He’s my boyfriend.
I am allowed to do it.
I want to call him.
I really do. But I can’t. He’s probably busy with a patient. Maybe a dying patient. And if I call him I’ll be disturbing him. He might kill the patient as he injects her with something that needs his all his attention. But he hasn’t called me all day – and he was supposed to, is supposed to- and I don’t know if he’s okay. I should just call him, ask him if he will be home for dinner or not. That’s a good excuse.
I look at the wall clock, 21:50 it reads. He’s late. I’m certain he has no night shifts this week unless something came up and he forgot to tell me. He always tells me. Or he used to tell me. He doesn’t anymore. He just shows up late and I the good girlfriend hugs him, feeds him and lets him rest. Plus It’s bad enough the man has been off in the past few days citing long hours at work as the reason for his silence. I believed him of course, because why else would he want to lie to me anyway. I bite my lip in anticipation of what might happen if I call him. What if he gets angry with the call. Gosh I do not know what to do. I dial his number.
Better now than later I surmise.
His voice comes on the line within seconds of the first ring.
“Sampa. You okay?”
He doesn’t sound angry. Maybe worried. I exhale in relief.
“Hey. Hi.” I respond. “You okay?”
“Yeah. I’m good.”
“Where are…..”
“Sampa can I call you back? A few minutes. I’ll be home soon if that’s what you were calling for. Kinda bit busy. I’ll see you later.”
And the call cuts. I stare at my phone wide eyed.
“Definitley not calling him again.” I say aloud.
I place my phone on the table and look at the decorated table
“I should not have called him. At all.” I continue.
The empty wine glasses next to the bottle of red wine staring at me crying to be tasted; the white plates waiting for a meal to placed upon them. For crying our loud the candles want to be lit. I had it all planned out. A romantic dinner setup for me and the love of my life who seems too busy to find time to come home.
“There goes romance. Out of the window.” I say.
I was in a good mood. I had a great day. A very great day at the office. And I actually hoped dinner with my Sangu would be a great way to end the day. Maybe a kiss or two. Maybe more. Who knows. But no hope for that now.
“The least you could have done was call Sangu.” I tell myself.
I close my eyes and breath in. Deeply. Twice. Calming myself. Something is up with the man I can feel it. He’s changing right in front of me since my birthday. I do not know what is up with him anymore. He won’t open up to me anymore. I can’t force him to. But one way or another he will have to. I stare at the wall clock, counting seconds. Do I wait for him or not? What if he gets here at three in the morning? Might as well sleep. But he said he would be home soon. So maybe I can wait for him. Give him an hour or so.
“The good thing is I can drink this wine alone!!” I yell.
I grab the bottle of wine and an empty wine glass. I open the bottle with ease, fill up the wine glass with the red liquid of life and drink.
It’s going to be a long night.
To be continued…
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