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midnight-circus · 1 year

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Love Meme

For Felix. the little soyboy

Eros – Romantic, Passionate Love.

Is your OC romantic in the traditional sense? Do they enjoy giving or receiving gifts of flowers or confectionary? Or are there other courtship traditions from their culture of origin that are important to them?

Felix is romantic in a theoretical sense. In truth, he’s too self-conscious to act in the way he’d like to, just in case he misses the mark or is rebuffed. He’s very fond of giving gifts (although he can’t often afford them), but receiving them is difficult – it feels a little too close to charity.

How important is sex to them in a relationship? Do they see it as something essential to their happiness? Would they be able to remain in a monogamous relationship with someone they loved without sex?

Lol. He lived in a monogamous relationship with someone he loved for close to twelve years, and the latter nine of those were without sex. And no, he wasn’t happy – as uncomfortable as he is with being an object of desire, sex is an important part of a relationship for him. However, his loyalty to his wife was just as important, and it kept him there long after they both knew it was over.

How do they feel about public displays of romantic affection? Does it make them uncomfortable? How do they feel if a romantic partner kisses them in public?

It makes him uncomfortable for a long time – it’s only after several years with Lyon and Alice that he’s able to shed some of this self-consciousness and engage in some of their antics. He and Sylvie never did more than hold hands in public, and even that was a little too much at times – the sort of public behaviour that Lyon gets up to is quite beyond him.

Do they believe in love at first sight? Have they ever developed a crush or romantic (or erotic) fixation upon a stranger based on their appearance alone?

Felix was attracted to Lyon immediately on meeting him (although he didn’t much like him as a person at first), but he didn’t recognise it as sexual for quite some time. If he were to think back across his life, he would be able to pinpoint other moments of similar attraction to both women and men, but loyalty to his marriage kept him from exploring these thoughts further – as such, he didn’t realise how deep this vein ran until meeting Lyon.

How closely is their opinion of their own beauty (or lack thereof) linked to their confidence? Do they see themselves as more or less worthy of love or sex based on how attractive they feel?

Oh lol. The thought of trying to conceptualise himself based on his sexual attractiveness to others makes him want to turn his own skin inside out so he doesn’t have to do it anymore. He doesn’t consider his looks to make him less worthy of love, but certainly less worthy of sex – particularly sex with Lyon and Alice. His confidence does improve a little as time goes on and he’s more able to engage openly with sex, but he’ll never consider himself quite on their level.

Philia – Affectionate, Platonic Love.

Does your OC have a Best Friend? If they do then how long have they known each other and how did they meet? If they don't then do they have a close group of friends they love equally? Or are they more of a loner?

He considers Lyon and Alice his closest friends – there’s nothing he doesn’t share with them. His first best friend was Sylvie – they met at thirteen, married at eighteen, and sat in each other’s pockets (for better and for worse) until their eventual divorce at age thirty. He has befriended his colleagues at the asylum – Phineas and Iszak in particular, and in the latter he finds a valuable ally in times to come. And in truth (although he knows this isn’t ideal practice), he considers several of his patients in this light as well, and will go out of his way to treat them as such. He is wise to do so.

Does your OC find it easy to make friends? Or are there barriers to them doing so? If so then are these due to issues of inclination, communication, or something else entirely?

He gets on ok. He always feels like he’s fumbling through a conversation and making a fool of himself left and right, but from an outside perspective he’s probably doing quite well – he’s pleasant and friendly, listens well and shows a genuine interest in others. It’s hard to properly dislike him.

What qualities does your OC most value in a friend? Loyalty? Shared sense of humour? Or something else?

He values humour and honesty (although not brutal honesty), and especially a capacity for empathy – if they don’t have any, then he’ll bully it into them whether they like it or not.

Is your OC able to build close friendships with people very different from themselves? Perhaps in terms of culture, age or personality?

Yes, on the whole. Lyon and Alice are from a completely different world to his own, but perhaps this friendship was eased by the manner in which he met Lyon – they were forced onto equal footing by Lyon’s incarceration, and indeed perhaps the ball was further in Felix’s court. All told, he’s generally able to find something worth liking in everyone, which leaves him very well-placed in his job.

What is their most fervent wish for their best friend(s)? How far would they go to make it happen?

He just wants the people he loves to be happy – whatever he can do to help that, he’ll do it. He can’t bear the thought of inaction. It’s partly why he stays with Sylvie for so long – to leave would have hurt her.

Storge – Unconditional, Familial Love.

Did your OC's parents love them unconditionally? If so then has this helped them feel confident as an adult? If not then how has this affected them? What were the conditions their family attached to their relationship?

Difficult question. Felix’s mother loved him (enough to be suffocating), but ‘unconditionally’ is debatable. She loved the son she imagined him to be, and when he began behaving in ways that didn’t match up to this, she made it known what she thought of it.

Does your OC have children? If so then how fiercely do they love them? If they have more than one then do they love them all equally? If they do not have children then is this part of their future plans?

Eventually he does, although somewhat by accident – he’s terrified at first, convinced that it’s a mistake, convinced that he can only parent the way his mother did. These doubts are unfounded – although he is an anxious father, he’s able to hold this at bay and is far from the overbearing presence that he fears he could be. Lyon and Alice play their part in this – Alice distracts Felix whilst Lyon lets the kid fall off ponies and roll around in the dirt with the poodles and all is well.

How far does parental approval (imagined or expressed) impact upon their current sense of self-worth? What might they sacrifice or attempt to achieve in order to ensure the approval of their parents?

He did all kinds of nonsense to appease his mother growing up – when he fell ill as a child and almost died, her smothering love only intensified until he was afraid to breathe without her approval. Once he left the hospital, his days were spent sitting inside with her, where she could keep an eye on him. He became aware very young that her perceived happiness seemed to be reliant on him, and so he went out of his way to please her – this has left him with a deficit of self-worth, as it relies almost entirely on what he can provide to others.

Does your OC have any siblings? If so then did their parents have a favourite growing up? Has their relationship with their sibling changed in adulthood? If they don't have any siblings then do they perhaps feel they have missed out on an important relationship? Do they have any especially close friends who go some way towards filling that role?

Three brothers. Strictly speaking Felix was the favourite, but it certainly didn’t feel like that at the time – ‘favourite’ simply translated into the one kept closest to their mother at all times. His relationship with his brothers is non-existent – he doesn’t know where they are or what they do, and feels rather ambivalent about this. They don’t know each other.

Is your OC able to love without necessarily needing or expecting reciprocation or reward? Or are all their relationships to some extent transactional? Have they ever loved another person unconditionally, whether a child or another adult?

He doesn’t need reciprocation. He loves both Lyon and Alice unconditionally, but is still secretly waiting for the day that they decide otherwise. When their child is born, he almost struggles to function under the weight of love for them, but fears he is the lesser parent. He continues to love Sylvie, even after all is said and done, and is scared for a long time of a life without her. In essence, Felix is primed to give love; he is unprepared to receive it.

Agape – Selfless, Universal Love.

Does your OC wish to make the world a better place? How far do they see that as being their responsibility? What lengths would they go to in order to help achieve this?

He’ll go as far as he possibly can to make life easier for those who need it. Felix loves the unlovable – the people that have been dumped by the wayside. He considers it his primary responsibility to care for the ones that others might not – if he doesn’t do it, who will?

Does your OC feel a spiritual connection to the world around them? Do they have a particular love for nature or living things?

He’s not a spiritual person at all, but he does have a love for nature – birds and flowers in particular, and most especially humans.

To what extent does your OC believe in the value (or even existence) of true altruism? Do they see an unselfish concern for the welfare of others as being naïve or foolish? Or as a moral quality to which people should aspire?

Felix believes entirely in altruism. He understands the old dichotomy – people behave in ways that make them feel good, and so it’s impossible to enact true altruism – but at the same time, he scorns those who believe this is foolish or naïve. He is born to care about others, and refuses to be jaded. He believes this is his basic duty as a doctor, but also as a man.

Does your OC have a religious faith which emphasises the importance of a love for all people? If so then do they try to follow these teachings authentically? Or do they just pay lip-service to them? If not then do they follow a more martial or mercantile faith? Or none at all?

No religion.

Does your OC find it easy to empathise with their enemies? Or do they see it as important to dehumanise them in order to combat them with sufficient determination?

Felix empathises with everyone – even those he fears the most. It’s what makes him the doctor that he is.

Ludus – Playful, Flirtatious Love.

Does your OC have any particular favourite chat up lines? If not for themselves then perhaps ones they have suggested to a friend? How effective do these tend to be?

He couldn’t even if he tried – he’s never chatted somebody up in his life.

Is your OC particularly skilled at flirting? Have they had to practice this or does it just happen naturally?

All the practice in the world couldn’t help him.

How does your OC feel about one night stands? Have they ever enjoyed a night of passionate romance with a stranger? Is this something they are quite keen on recreationally? Or only something they might engage in under specific circumstances (such as the eve of a battle or after a difficult breakup)?

He assumed that his first time with Lyon was a one night stand until Lyon lol-no’d him a few days later; nevertheless, sometimes he feels like he’s still waiting for the other shoe to drop.In terms of one night stands once he’s in the trio, he’s never as confident with them as either Lyon or Alice, but he’s been known to indulge on occasion – generally with one of the other two present (or both), but he has engaged in a few alone.

Who was your OC's first crush? How do they feel about it now?

His first crush was Sylvie – he didn’t really have the opportunity for crushes at a younger age, kept indoors as he was. He stills loves her platonically, and eventually, years after the dust of their divorce has settled, they’re able to reach friendship again.

What seduction techniques are most likely to be effective when it comes to your OC? Are there some things guaranteed to get them going? Or are they immune to such things?

He’s certainly not immune, but he struggles to pinpoint exactly what he’s into as he doesn’t have much of a frame of reference. From an outside perspective, he’s very susceptible to dominant personalities – he’s not sure of what he wants, so he likes to be told. He also likes being touched (on the hand, arm, shoulder etc.), but no public groping (unless it’s a sex party, and even then he needs alcohol to work up to it). Too much verbal flattery just serves to make him uncomfortable – subtler approaches work better on him.

Pragma – Committed, Long-Lasting Love.

Is your OC in a committed long-term relationship (or relationships)? If so then what has contributed to this relationship lasting so well? If they are not in such a relationship, then is this something that saddens them or which they regret?

Yes, and truth be told, he’s not sure what he’s done to deserve it. He can’t quite believe the position he’s ended up in, and wouldn’t trade it for the world – as far as he is concerned, Lyon and Alice make him a better person in more ways than he can count, and to have the opportunity to live his life with them is more than he considers himself worthy of. Not to quote Julie Andrews but somewhere in his youth or childhood, he must have done something good.

What is the biggest challenge that your OC has had to overcome in a long-term relationship or friendship? What helped them get through this?

I’m not sure he ever overcomes the feeling that he’s second-best – that if push ever came to shove, he knows where he’d stand. He’d never let on to Lyon and Alice and keeps it thoroughly to himself, but part of him is always be waiting for them to realise that they’re bored of him. He’ll probably carry that forever.

Are your OC's parents still together? To what degree do they look to their own parents as a model for their own ideal relationship?

They’re still together as far as he knows, but he communicates with them only by the occasional letter every two years or so, so who knows. They served as the model for his marriage to Sylvie, but considering how that ended they’re probably not the best basis of comparison.

After the initial fires of passion cool to some degree, what would keep your OC engaged in a relationship? Shared goals? Similar values? Or contented companionship?

He’d like to feel safe. He spent a lot of time feeling as though he was barely keeping afloat – with money, relationships, control over his own life. He needs to be able to put some of that fear down, whether he wants to or not.

What importance or value does your OC attach to marriage? Do they believe that it is important to make a public statement of commitment to another person (or persons)? Or are they more concerned about inheritance rights and security for their family? Or do they not see marriage as a necessary signifier of commitment and loyalty?

Marriage is important to him. There’s obvious reasons as to why it’s not feasible in his current relationship, and it’s certainly nobody’s fault, but it still pains him.

Philautia – Self Love.

Does your OC have a healthy sense of their own worth and value? Or do they see themselves as failing to live up to their original potential? Perhaps they are convinced of their own sinful or inadequate nature?

Felix doesn’t believe in sin, but he certainly believes in inadequacy. He rates himself solely on what he can provide to other people – he throws his heart at his work, because if he can help his patients then he can prove to himself that he’s doing something right, whilst at the same time chastising himself for not doing more. His self-worth is pretty damaged by his upbringing, and later by his feelings of inadequacy in his marriage – it will take some years before he can shed some of this. Indeed, for a long time he is convinced that Lyon is only engaging with him to get out of the asylum sooner (tbh this might be true at first), and even once Lyon is released, Felix finds it hard to accept that these repeated invitations to dinner aren’t extended purely out of obligation. He needs a good shaking.

Does your OC believe that it is important to love themselves in the first instance? Perhaps in order to be able to give and receive love authentically? Or because they believe first and foremost in "looking after number one"?

He thinks it’s important to take care of oneself for public standards, but he’s not sure loving oneself is entirely necessary – he’s got this far without it. Lyon actually gives him a new perspective on this during their sessions – although open about his flaws (of which he seems to think there are many, although Felix has never agreed), Lyon’s apparent easy acceptance of his own inherent self-worth is pretty revolutionary for Felix to witness.

Does your OC judge themselves by the same standards as they apply to others? Or are they sometimes hypocritical in condemning others for faults they also possess? Or perhaps they find it easier to forgive others for things that they cannot abide in themselves?

Felix will quite literally forgive anyone for anything, to the point that it’s almost an issue – he’s been known to absolve certain people of any responsibility for their own actions, which is his greatest failing as a doctor. The standards he holds himself to are standards that he’d never dream of putting on someone else (unless they’re Elrick Aurel),

Which of your OC's qualities makes them the most proud? Do they think more people should be like them in this regard? Or do they quite like being rare in possessing it?

His empathy, and his fostered lack of judgement – this is something he’s cultivated over years of listening to people discuss the worst parts of their lives. He’s trained himself to find the best in people, no matter how small, and he’s proud of this.

Has your OC always had the same opinion of themselves or has this changed over time? Have they learned to love themselves - perhaps with the help of others - as their journey progressed? Or have the consequences of their actions only served to erode their sense of self-worth?

He gets better. He’s never going to be a paragon of self-love, but it’s hard to feel too despondent about himself when he’s being showered with affection every day. He might never love himself, but in time he can accept that he is loved all the same.

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