#oc posting: lambgar
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matchy boys
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hiiii this is the second lamb pov piece ive done... lamb has a sleepless night and contemplates a few feelings. j'gar wakes up and asks. 2.2k words
the wishbone inn is quiet.
at this hour, everything is. winter smothers sound like thick cloth, blurs consonants into vagueness. the wind curling at the frost-freckled window whispers instead of howls. there's something gentle about its beckoning, weaved between promises of mystery and moonlight. his next breath in almost tastes cold in the anticipation of it. it would be better than this stillness. the room air stifles and stales; the groan of treated wood under their feet a poor approximation of the crunch of snow, the whining yawn of still-flowing sap in the trees.
inside, the night drags its heels. if she just steps out, the world would turn again. back to movement, to sound, to vibrant, eager life. winter is cold but full of it. in here it's almost like being trapped again.
lamb drags his gaze from the window. the body in the bed lays unbothered, soft breath rustling against the pillow the only sound worth hearing. the room sleeps in muted gray. the windowframes restrict moonlight to a small square at their feet, kept contained and docile.
sit and stay. speak when spoken to.
his breath catches in his throat. they touch a hand to their sternum and settle. it's difficult to stay occupied when the world is asleep but sleep abandons you. difficult to avoid old thoughts.
their pack is five-times organized. spare clothes twice folded, coinpurse four-times counted. they tried sleeping, tried lying down with j'gar as still as possible so as to not scare it away like a shy cat. but it never works on nights like this. there is no rest for the restless. her brain and body whir like the sun hasn't set. not insomnia but a pure absence, an un-need. even if guilt and shame didn't stick like a knife in his ribs, sleep would stay far away. no, they're wasting time. she needs to move, needs to get out, needs to go, go, go.
these are always the worst.
lamb sits at the side of the bed. the window is dark beyond the glare of the moon. the stars look like snowflakes. his feet just break the boundary, shins to the knees lit like a searchlight.
they probably aren't even looking for her.
it's been nearly two years. she is either better at hiding than she thought, or they haven't looked. a shitty game of hide and seek. lamb tries to imagine the feeling of seeing his father again and comes up empty, bleaker than the abandoned streets outside. if his father knocked on the door right now, he would jump right out the window. the action would be thoughtless, instinctive, immediate. his father would step in and lamb would leave like a magnet repelled. no fear or panic, no stupid, desperate need for approval. just plain, boring nothing. because his presence would mean nothing. it wouldn't be a relief, wouldn't be proof that everything he did was out of love and he did his best and.
she's childish, really. running away to escape and being upset when no one cares enough to follow. it's stupid. their father is never going to care. if he is looking for her, it's only because he is furious at losing that last wince of control. nothing else.
"mm."
j'gar makes a tired sound behind him, startling enough in the silence to make her flinch around. when she turns, he is in the middle of a yawn, little tusks looking bigger in the stretch. his hair sticks up in odd cowlicks. when he blinks his eyes half open, they don't focus properly in the dark. he smiles anyway, face pressed sideways into the pillow.
"can't sleep?" he asks, voice rough with sleep.
lamb says, "why are you awake?"
"could hear ya thinkin'," j'gar says through another yawn, arms outstretched and bumping lamb's hip. he laughs a little to himself. "nah, 'm kiddin'. iunno, sometimes i'm a light sleeper. wishbone's kinda creaky. more like old bones."
lamb exhales fondly, patting his hand where it falls to rest on the bed next to her. "bad joke," she says.
"i think it's pretty good."
"go back to sleep, jay."
"i ain't far off," j'gar says, closing his eyes. he lifts his arm and holds it in the air. "you comin' back in? come keep me warm."
"maybe in a little."
with a soft sound, j'gar drops his arm to the mattress. "you can talk to me, y'know. if you want. i can wake up in two shakes of a. well, a lamb's tail. you'd be kinda cute with a tail."
lamb closes their eyes.
impulse burns in their limbs like frostbite. they should go. they should get out, save j'gar the trouble of knowing them, and.
and nothing. there is no plan. the plan is wander until his legs give out. don't stick around because staying causes problems. it's built into the brick of her: lamb is a problem, and if she lingers it festers like a wound. leeches out, drags everyone else down with her. his family is so happy to be rid of him they haven't looked for him. he's been missing for two years, and who cares. not even a reward for the safe return of an aristocrat's daughter.
j'gar mumbles through another yawn. he doesn't push. the sheets rustle, bed creaking as he rolls onto his back. not once does he demand. he follows boundaries like a fence, takes the quiet as the no it is.
it is a no.
it is. lamb can't talk about this. saying anything is an admission of failure. as long as he admits to nothing, juggles every stupid ball thrown their way and hide the ones he drops, no one cares. that's what they are supposed to do. they are fully independent.
the only thing better would be automated, stripped of annoying feeling.
he needs to do everything right and on her own and not say a word. there is no choice but to handle it. he can't be upset, can't be angry, anxious, scared, can't be anything other than fine because his feelings are an inconvenience and a problem. she is an inconvenience.
it's a no. lamb can't talk about it. lamb can run away.
lamb doesn't move from the bed, still half twisted at the waist to look at j'gar. he is different at night, if only because all of that bright energy tapers down. he's still beyond the casual rise and fall of his chest, face relaxed as he returns to sleep.
he makes it look so easy.
he makes everything look simple, dashes lamb's grey anxieties with black and white confidence. sometimes he's wrong, but he shares and he listens and he has never turned away from vulnerability. somehow, he doesn't worry about how the world sees him.
lamb shifts, bringing a leg up to sit sideways. her heart feels so loud that he is sure j'gar can hear it, sure the entire goddamn inn can. "i, uh. i can't- sleep," they force out, voice small.
there's a moment where she worries j'gar already fell asleep when he cracks open one eye. "wanna try?" he asks, lifting the sheet.
"no, i."
this is a terrible idea. lamb breathes carefully. keeps their eyes focuses on their hands in their lap. their fingernails are getting long again. there is an small old scar shaped like a crescent on her thumb, nicked by the front gate when she was small. she threw it open, thoughtless in her haste to get out.
always running away.
"i don't have to sleep every night," says lamb.
"i do," j'gar says. he lets the blanket fall, arm relaxing. "i don' need like, a buncha hours, but if i get too far behind i just catch up with a nap."
"i'm not great with naps."
"you should try it. i nap everywhere. my momma used to just send the chickens out when she couldn't find me 'cause they'd all pile on me for bugs since i was sleepin' in the fields again."
lamb breathes out a smile and shakes her head. j'gar talks so freely. he sounds lighthearted but the soft expression on his face in the moonlight belies something aware. this isn't some oblivious rambling. he is half asleep and still reads them better than most: he keeps the conversation at the surface, leaving them the opportunity to break it or float with him.
in anyone else, it would be awkward and obvious. in j'gar, it looks as natural as breathing.
"i- i have- a lot on my- mind, i think," lamb says haltingly.
"i feel like y'always do," says j'gar. "anythin' you wanna put down?"
"i'm. i'm not sure. i don't- know how to talk about it."
"jus' like anythin' else," he says, like it's that simple. maybe for him it is.
lamb takes a deep breath. she draws a thumb over the scar on her hand, hesitating. wanderlust still shimmers in their legs like pins and needles. "i'm... i think i'm having a hard time reconciling my feelings about my father. my family as a whole," they say quietly, admission smaller than it feels.
"they was why you left, right?"
turning slightly to face him, lamb nods. their pulse is an anxious beat in their throat. j'gar doesn't seem to notice. his eyes don't pin to her and dig; they wander a little, flicking to the ceiling, the window, or closing for too long of a blink. maybe he is too polite or too tired to acknowledge it.
j'gar talks with his hands. this time, his hand starts before his mouth, a visible delay. "i don't know nothin' about your folks, so i don't wanna speak too ill of 'em, but. i bet if they were enougha anythin' to make you leave, maybe they weren't all that great. you said before your daddy was rich, an' too much money don't do nothin' good for the soul, but. that don't change that they were the first people you ever known, y'know? they're always gonna be that. an' gettin' outta there, well. if they weren't like how they were, you'd be a different sorta lamb, an' maybe you weren't have met an' done everybody an' everythin' you have. i'm not excusin' whatever they hurt you, but... y'know, there ain't a whole lot to do to change that 'cept keep bein' you. i don't think you gotta feel any one way about 'em. you can just- feel all of it."
he makes everything sound so simple. lamb exhales the trapped air in his lungs and it trembles. his eyes are that embarrassing hot that wells up with tears, and there's something terrible about that. terrible about being allowed to feel anything, everything, torn in two and told finally that that's okay. she can be conflicted and angry and upset, and miss them in the same stupid breath, and that's- fine.
j'gar doesn't say she's an idiot for any of it. doesn't say they're being a child, being difficult, being contrary and inconvenient just cause problems because when does he do anything but make his father's life worse?
j'gar says maybe both is okay. lamb presses a hand to their cheek and sucks in a breath too sharp. behind them, the bed shifts, blankets rustling.
"ah, shit," j'gar frets, "you're cryin'. did i say somethin'? 'm sorry, i know i run my mouth sometimes an' you can't hardly say nothin'. i shoulda waited 'til you explained. i don't mean to talk over you. sorry. what- what did you wanna say?"
when they turn fully to face him, j'gar is sitting up, worried hand hovering over their shoulder like he isn't sure if he can touch. his eyes are wide in the dark, fully awake in his concern. lamb laughs a little, the sound wobbly and fragile.
"no, i." she scrubs salt from her cheek with a palm. "i'm good. you were good. that was- that was helpful, jay. i just- i don't know why i'm crying."
"you sure? you can always tell me to shut up if i'm talkin' too much."
"no, i think you said what i needed to hear," says lamb softly.
that seems to work, seems to pass whatever social inspections j'gar runs his words through; he settles, searching her face, just a little. gently, he cradles the curve of their jaw in a warm, rough palm and smudges the pad of his thumb over their cheek.
he lingers for a moment. if he was hesitant to touch before, he seems reluctant to leave now. there is sleep at the corners of his eyes, and his hair curls messily at odd angles. in the dark, lamb can't make out the freckles that dot over the bridge of his nose and those high cheekbones, but j'gar is j'gar still. he looks tired, but that weird, impossible, infatiguable brightness to him flickers at the edges.
if j'gar ever met his father, lamb could almost believe he would change. that's a funny thought.
huh.
his heart hurts. he trusts j'gar. it's remarkably hard not to. it's a strange feeling, having such faith. lamb breathes a fraction easier, relaxes into j'gar's palm.
j'gar's hand falls, mumbling in the space between them with an unspoken gesture. "i promise you the resta the world don't think like your daddy, lamb. whenever you can talk about somethin', that's good."
"i'll try to believe that," lamb murmurs.
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this is babygar. young jgar & lamb.. theyve been adventuring for a little bit, known each other a smidge. theyre on watch on a job together and just hangin out. 1.9ish k
nature is loud. nightfall just means new music. sheltered in a small copse just off the road, j'gar sits with his back against a wagon wheel and admires the sound. crickets and cicadas and chatterbugs, each chirping their own recognizable chorus. it sounds like back home, like walking back from town with his family after one of any dozen of festivals with his heart warmer than summer, like staying up late nearly half out the window to read by moonlight. insects themselves don't live for long but the instinct does; there's that almost-butterfly feeling in his bones, a weird sort of comfort that these are the same sounds his momma heard growing up in the valley, same sounds her momma and every other iteration before him heard. he's looking at the same full moon and listening to the same bugsong as back in lunan, and that.
well, it's bittersweet tonight, but bittersweet don't mean not good. it's good. like a pink clay balm, it settles some itch that he knows has been growing under the skin for a while. if he closes his eyes, he can pretend he's out in the field with ruva while he talks about constellations and star stories.
but he's on a job, and ruva is not here. the stray fireflies that wander in, lost from the honeysuckle vines and windy fields, are familiar but new to him. the starlight through cracks in the canopy is unnameable.
j'gar takes a deep breath.
he scans the woods in front of him again. with the full moon drenching everything in thin silver, it isn't hard to see. finer details blur and jumble, but the core is still unmistakeable. the horses are quiet standing side by side, kept in a small makeshift corral. that's a good sign. no smell or sense to frighten them means nothing to worry about. nothing moves beyond leaves in the soft breeze, almost like blessing between the sticky heat of summer. the insect chatter drones unchanged. nothing to disturb it, nothing to break it to silence like a warning.
j'gar twists at the waist, one hip pressed to the dirt, and peeks under the cart. there's a thin shape leaning against it. "lamb, you see anythin'?" he whispers loudly.
"nothing but trees," lamb returns.
"nothin' over here neither. you know how much time we got left 'fore we can wake up what's-his-name?"
lamb's silhouette shifts a fraction. "a few hours," they say.
"damn."
j'gar turns back to his side with a half-hearted sigh. watch is boring. it's easy money at least, some rich guy - a wannabe politician what with his accent but lack of official guards - asking for hired help to make sure he travels safely through the boondocks. hardly feels like honest work, but the money from his last job is down to a few copper and that ain't enough for more than a day or two's room and board at any inn. he don't have to do nothing but stay up late and scan the horizon like a starving hawk, and by the time they reach the next town, his pockets will be plenty replenished. free travel, even.
still, there's something kinda funny. sitting crosslegged, j'gar props an elbow in the meat of his thigh and his cheek on his hand. this is the third job he's handled with lamb. fifth time they've run into each other. half of those, something went wrong. that job in munelle, playing hired hands to protect a shipment of wine until lamb asked a few pointed questions and the courrier flew off the handle (j'gar still isn't sure on the details there, too busy dodging to pay attention); vanerbrook was crooked from the start too, apparently, trying to find a missing mother and child when she had rushed out by the skin of her teeth and this man just weren't going to let her go easy; with ravet, it wasn't even the job but the inn, owners using a combination of magic and sleight of hand to rob folks blind in their sleep.
like lamb spells trouble. a bad omen, but a pretty one. if he were superstitious, he might be worried.
at least they're a familiar face. he'll take that. she says hi when she notices him, stops by his table if they're at the same bar. not quite a friend but not a stranger neither. another liminal space, personhood abandoned in the rush.
insectsong drones on as he stares blankly at a patch of dirt. he hums a vague tune to himself in response. the air smells warm and wet with summer, lifted up by leaflitter, fresh growth, and honeysuckle. too hot for a fire, it stays dark beyond fireflies and the full moon, and that's fine. it's enough to see by. he thinks about taking his shirt off to sleep, but he might just have to sweat.
"hey," comes a soft voice from behind him. something touches his hip.
j'gar startles without a sound, snaps away from the cart and pivots to face it in one smooth motion. his hand claps primed to the pommel of his axe, and.
it's lamb.
lamb, lying on his stomach in the shadowed dirt under the cart, looks at him with wide eyes. her hand stays in the air where it was, where it tapped him for attention. her eyes reflect starlight, color washed away to shiny silver.
the adrenaline collapses with him; j'gar drops the held position for a comfortable slump. "shit-hell, lamb, you scared the fuck outta me," he hisses quietly.
"sorry," lamb says, ears drooped sheepishly. "i didn't mean to. i thought we had talked so. um. sorry."
"s'fine, i just needa minute for my heart to settle. woof."
"want a cookie?" offers lamb hopefully.
"what, you got cookies under there? nevermind, don't needa ask me twice, i'm comin' in."
lamb shuffles back at an angle to make room, disappearing into the dark under the wagon. j'gar crawls forward and flattens to his stomach, squinting to see better; propped up on their elbows, lamb lies halfway under, a small cloth between their arms. it smells buttery, a little floral. distinct enough that it cuts through the wood, sweat, and dirt. he's not hungry but his stomach flips.
he pulls himself to mirror lamb. like this, they can both see out the other side, can still maintain some semblance of a watch.
not that j'gar pays much attention. nothing is going to happen. travel has been uneventful and bland thus far. his attention latches onto lamb eagerly. they're hard to see in the dark but j'gar knows them well enough he can fill in the blanks: messy brown hair, soft brown eyes cracked with amber, and the faintest hint of freckles. their eyes catch with the moon, harder to read but friendly nonetheless. the laced front of his shirt is casually, comfortably halfway undone.
he's not hard to look at. much more interesting than the trees.
j'gar smiles distractedly, half crooked. it widens when lamb returns it. "so what kinda cookies ya got?" he asks.
"lavender thyme shortbreads," lamb says.
"don't think i ever had one'a those," j'gar says, reaching out to take one. "not a chocolate chip fan? i do like a good oatmeal cookie. that's probably my favorite, really. back in lunan, everybody goes to the shed barn an' they make a real good fried sage blossom but i don' think they done nothin' with herb cookies like that. oh, they do gotta herb bread though, but tha's just okay."
"the chocolate at spinner's gorge wasn't exactly high quality. i usually like chocolate."
"just not spinner's chocolate," says j'gar. he cracks the cookie in half, florals light on his tongue. "oh, shit, this ain't bad. you got this in spinner? i guess i'on't really got money to be spendin' on pastries, really, so maybe all'a spinner's got good shit."
"no, i had plenty of bad pastries there," lamb says, nudging the cloth and its contents closer to him, "but these were decent. are you looking for jobs in kaszka?"
"i mean, i look for jobs everywhere. just seemed like there weren't much left in uwlbern. i figured might be time to try a big city, y'know? you know. you from up that way, or somethin'. not from any'a these backwoods villages."
lamb almost looks embarrassed, ducking their head and mumbling grass between their fingers. "you wouldn't be wrong. kaszka can be a lot, though. you know cities have pickpockets," he says.
"i got a good eye on me," j'gar says around a mouthful of cookie.
"how many scrapes have i pulled you out of?"
"that ain't fair," he complains, goodnatured. "none'a those jobs we been on were out there wavin' red flags. they was just borin' scutwork, an' iunno how you seen through what you seen through, lamby. better eye than me, for sure."
"you're too willing to take people at their word," lamb says, not unkindly. there's something almost wistful about it, curling wry at the edges. "people aren't as good as you want them to be."
"i mean, sure, but most folk only got their word an' if i don' take 'em for it, where's that leave me?"
"safer," says lamb, "usually."
j'gar grins and takes another cookie. "i been takin' you for your word, should i not be?" he teases.
"you've taken more than my word."
"lamby," j'gar says, playfully scandalized. his face warms, but it's dark and stupidly hot anyway. he swats at her shoulder. "you taken more than my word way more than me. gettin' cocky on me jus' 'cause i rolled over once?"
ducking their head, lamb laughs, quiet. there's a sleepy sort of fondness plain on their face like this, half-obscured in shadow. like between the dark and the hour, their guard's down and they're something more like a friend than a friendly stranger. a person, if only briefly.
j'gar's heart aches. he thinks about home. thinks about lunan, and everyone he left behind, and all the people he hasn't seen in a handful of years. thinks about all the people he has, and how he don't mean nothing to them beyond a tool, a solution, a quick fix to some problem they can't handle. no connection, no care. he's as nameless and faceless as anyone, meaningless and useful in the same breath, and lamb - and everyone - is in the same stupid boat.
it's funny in a sad sort of way. lying on his stomach under some rich fuck's carriage eating cookies and joking about one night stands with someone he barely knows, and that's what means something.
ah, well. he's lonely.
"shut up. which way you headed after we get to kaszka, tough guy?" j'gar says, poking lamb's arm.
lamb bats his hand away, sticking out her tongue. "haven't decided yet. i was just in kaszka recently. not much for me there," she says.
"whatcha goin' back for then?"
"there's a good- bread i miss," he says. his eyes flicker, hesitant. "nothing fancy. it's just- sweet."
j'gar gasps exaggeratedly. "you like somethin' not fancy? hon, you down here in the dirt eatin' lavender, what's so special about this bread an' where can i try it?"
lamb lets out a little self-conscious laugh, bowing their head to his shoulder. "how about you come with me when we get there?"
"it's a date, lamby."
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jgar first bc i miss my boy. thinking about him. goodhearted naive farmboy who just wants to experience the world and make new connections to bring back to his old ones. and he struggles with it so badly because thats not what other people want, or at least they cant say it or admit it. he finds lamb and its like a kindred spirit - they're adventurous and easygoing, if more world-weary and anxious and flighty - and it's new and exciting to settle down. and then everything goes wrong and lamb gets hurt, and then he hurts jgar, but jgar has no idea. jgar trusts lamb with his life bc shes saved him repeatedly, and they break it, and that is too terrifying to admit. they hide it, lie, gaslight, twist everything around - and they hardly need to because jgar has no reason to doubt and he trusts so instinctively. growing from this though is like being rootbound and he has to get out, find a new space, find himself again and new things and man he is in for it when the truth comes out
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eh. lambgar thoughts and dynamics. if ur a pc in his campaign dont read probably
sometimes i want to call them an odd pair but that isn't really fair i think. they're pretty complimentary. they just run into issues with how they deal with things
early lambgar is easy. they're casual acquaintances who run into each other every so often and usually end up sleeping together when they do. jgar likes that lamb doesn't have expectations for him, and lamb likes that jgar is so straightforward and honest. they dont really argue or anything because there isnt really anything Too argue about - they're not together long and lamb doesn't share enough that anything would come up. main source of "conflict" is that jgar trusts people and lamb is like. you are putting yourself in danger. and jgar is like but if i dont trust em someone else might be in danger?? But for the most part: almost like high school / college friends. theyre friendly, flirty, but dont delve into anything hard on purpose
lambgar once theyre Actually More Serious is more a result of jgar than lamb. jgar winds up getting very disillusioned and homesick and reaches out to lamb in a way he hasn't before (and in a way that lamb isn't used to either). it ends up deepening their relationship from surface level to something more solid but fragile-new. jgar is willing to share himself because that's what he does, and lamb does but in fractions and much less. she shares a little about her family, mostly that they dont talk anymore and that she couldnt do anything right in their eyes, but most of what he leans on jgar for is current things, things theyre experiencing together. jgar, for his part, can tell that lamb has come from a different world than he has and he wants to show them what he thinks the world is really like (good and honest). lamb does absorb some of it, mostly in dealing with jgar - they know he isnt lying when he talks, and do slowly build up a sense of trust that they can tell him (some) things without it being an issue. the problem lamb runs into is that he has grown up being told that no matter he's fucking up and he's got the high school era depression mindset. he shares with jgar but doesn't think he can share Hard feelings or when he (lamb) has messed up because that will Ruin Things. this causes the occasional fight, but not drastic as at this point, things are still growing
pivotal point - jgar decides to stop adventuring because of a really bad job. he winds up just so disheartened he needs a break, needs some time back in his world where things are clear and genuine. lamb, who wants that too, goes with him, and they start a farm and get married. the two of them are pretty good at reading each other. jgar knows how to pry things out of lamb, and lamb knows how to tell jgar he's being a dick and when to shut up and other things. jgar likes that lamb is so different from him and he really admires their experience and enjoys learning new things from them that he wouldn't have otherwise. lamb likes that jgar is sweet and actively interested and doesnt seem to think they fuck up a lot, also likes how involved in community & local tradition he gets and tries to engage herself. they're very much a learn from each other couple. some communication issues, but they work through them
big thing comes up when lamb is attacked. the first month after, lamb realizes they've been werewolfed, and immediately panics. this is bad. this is so bad. they can't find the words to tell jgar because it feels like admitting they fucked up, this is their fault, they just became Literally wrong and difficult and dangerous and oh god oh fuck. she tries to work up the courage a few times, but bails consistently. he doesn't want to admit that now he actually cant Help but ruin things - he mightve been getting better before but now? then every month that passes it just compounds: i cant tell him because he'll realize i've been lying to him for months. he's going to hate me for lying. he hates lying. its like The Thing he hates. i need to tell him. but i cant. ahhhh
then lamb kills him
whoops
wolfing out after one of their worst arguments was not great. they reacted on terrified, frazzled instinct. they have been lying for two years now, and jgar is mad at them for something and it's just a sign that he's going to figure this out and it will be Worse and lamb is a coward who always runs away and fuck. oh fuck where's jgar. oh god oh god i killed him. hes dead. like dead dead i cant bring him back. oh fuck. this is bad. this is the worst thing i could possibly fuck up. im gonna bury him and pretend like nothing happened. its fine. im fine. this is fine. but then the town is asking about jgar because he's so community oriented, and lamb has to lie and say oh hes sick, he just cant make it, oh hes busy, he'll be around one day haha! and she's falling apart from the guilt and the stress and the lies and the grief but can't do anything about it because that's Admitting it. he decides he can clean up his mess and get jgar back and make it right and good again, so he gets some help and magics him back to life
except. jgar doesn't come back great. he comes back really weak and in a lot of pain and intensely confused. he doesnt remember anything. so lamb concocts a story where yes, jgar got hurt after they argued but she fixed everything and now he's back and things will be okay again. except jgar keeps getting frustrated and upset because he's recovering from 5 months in the dirt, and lamb is trying to make everything good without admitting to any wrong. by the time jgar recovers some function, he's sensed a rift between them and he interprets this as hes weak now, hes worse on the eyes, hes just a bad memory for lamb, not realizing that lamb is holding himself at a distance out of fear. jgar feels like he has to prove himself so he goes adventuring again. lamb doesn't know how to feel about it
important parts - they communicate well, until lamb gets stressed as their response to stress is mainly flight. lamb generally doesn't go for appeasement or anything to end a confrontation, he will just straight up run away if it's bad enough. normally, he is just kind of teary with confrontation but manages because jgar is easy to talk to and a good emotional example. they like each others quirks and find them endearing (jgar likes lamb's expensive tastes, lamb thinks jgar's tusk shyness is very cute). jgar generally assumes lamb is wholly honest with him, even having caught them in other smaller lies; he just moves forward after the argument thinking they will be honest next time for sure
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lambs full name might be fairlamb lunan-cassan-willowbythebrook
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u know what i think this one has a funny ending (read: stupid but i had a fun time). this is just some silly lambgars. they have a good time together. 4424 words & oh shit this is a year old next month 😦
expect: t4t (it's lambgar), dick pumping (lots of dick talk haha), dirty talk, oral, frotting, d/s dynamics, vague brief objectification / cockwarming
it's early.
it feels early, at least. the light from the windows is dull and gray, doing nothing to brighten the room. it makes it look like dawn, or just before, sun beaten down by the steady rain on the roof.
maybe it's late. maybe he slept in.
j'gar stretches with a groan. he's alone in bed, lamb's side of it cool but unmade. that feels like a sign he slept in.
whoops.
but lamb knows how to take care of the day, can handle feeding the animals and getting eggs and milk. the rain makes it easier for him anyway. doesn't have to water the farm, doesn't have to deal with the well or carrying buckets from the river. j'gar can be a little lazy if he wants.
he rolls onto his back, enjoying the warmth and softness of his bed. sleep keeps his head fuzzy like cotton. he could just go back to sleep. catch up on older missed hours, even though he's been better recently. much better. seven months better, with his strength back and-
honestly, in some ways, he's better than before. his endurance might need some work and his scars are an adjustment with a long time left to mature, but those salves from doc lupin have been so good. there was always that disconnect between himself and his masculinity and now. now, now he has this salve. what it is, actually, who knows, but his voice is deeper, tusks bigger, the whole of him hairier and a bit sweatier and-
mm, there's an idea.
j'gar glances at the bedroom door. it's closed, no sounds of life on the other side. lamb probably won't come back in the room unless he's really late, so he should have a few moments to himself.
he lets his eyes fall closed. spreading his legs, j'gar slides his palm over his underwear, over his dick, bigger even soft with the salves. that's good. that's so good.
there's something about it, feeling his dick get hard now because it does. it swells eagerly under his attentions, a certain hardness that just makes itself known through the cloth. natural and good and right.
so good. j'gar hums a low sound in his throat. he rocks his hips against the heel of his palm, but the friction catches sensitive on the head. resting his hand on his stomach, he teases his fingers through the hair there and lets the arousal linger in his gut for a moment. admires the easy feeling. it'll be better once he's wet, but the salves - something about them makes it difficult, makes that softness slow and weak. he'll get there.
he slides his fingers under the waistband of his underwear to slot his dick between them. squeezes just a little.
he thinks about lamb. lamb sits in his lap in the sunset like she did last week. they split a slice of strawberry pie like usual, like normal, like always. it was sweet. it is sweet. lamb is sweet, makes gentle little noises because he has j'gar fucking him here. in the fantasy, j'gar is naked because he doesn't need clothes to make lamb feel good. lamb just has his skirt hiked up a bit so j'gar can get his cock in him, and he doesn't have to move, can just have j'gar fuck him and eat his half of the pie; can just enjoy everything.
j'gar grips lamb's waist. she fits so well under his hands. his cock fits so well in him too, not too big or too small. he's thick, though, enough that he stretches lamb out around him. not that he gets to see with their skirt over them. he can just feel it, how lamb opens for him, wet and yielding. she clenches down on him sometimes, but he's not allowed to cum. he has to make lamb feel good, wants to, wants to be so good for them.
lamb glances over her shoulder at him. his ears are just pink. "slow down a bit, sweetheart," he says.
"ah, sorry, sorry," j'gar says, half a whine. "getting close."
"can you still be good or do you need a little break?"
j'gar curls forward, presses his forehead to lamb's back. he feels fuzzy, heat pulsing in his hips. "break. break, please."
"of course, jay." lamb settles fully into his lap, keeping j'gar buried in him. "you're doing so good, telling me. are you okay like this?"
"enjoying yourself there?" lamb's voice - lamb's actual voice - asks.
"lamb!" j'gar yelps, yanking his hand away. he jolts upright.
lamb stands in the doorway. there's a faint flush and a smile across his cheeks, something like amusement twinkling in his dark eyes. her hair is flat from the rain, not quite dripping but not dry either. their clothes are similar. the green of their shirt muddles darker with water from the shoulders down to their chest.
"here i thought you were sleeping in," she says.
j'gar hides his face in his hand, leaves the more incriminating one under the covers. "i was! oh my gods."
"well, don't let me interrupt," lamb says with a wink.
she pads the rest of the way into their room to her side of the bed, peeling off wet clothes as she goes. j'gar's face feels too hot. he clears his throat, keeps his eyes angled away from lamb.
"i thought you'd be a while," mumbles j'gar.
"you know i'm not bothered, hon."
"i know, i just-" j'gar makes a frustrated noise in his throat. "didn' mean to make you see that. i shoulda- locked the door or somethin'. sorry."
the bed shifts slightly with new weight. lamb's hand touches his shoulder. "jay, it's fine, really. you were in our bed and you were taking care of yourself. i walked in."
j'gar dares to look at them. lamb is naked, wet hair leaving a few droplets on her shoulders and collarbones. she offers a smile and squeezes his arm when he finally looks.
"there he is," they say.
"hope i didn' make you uncomfortable."
"you didn't. i'm a little jealous of your hand, but."
oh.
j'gar turns more solidly toward her. lamb has one knee on the bed, leaning towards him. "well, i mean. you look a little cold. think my hands could help you warm up?" he asks, tentative.
"see," lamb says, taking his hand back to rummage in a drawer in the nightstand, "i had another idea if you're up for it."
"what is it?"
lamb sets the pump on the bed. "want to try fucking me? i was thinking your dick is probably big enough with this."
that.
oh.
j'gar feels his breath catch. his pulse is a tangible throb. they have managed to stretch his cock an inch or two with that thing. lamb brought it home one day after a trip up north, a funny glass cylinder with a rubbery sort of hose and handle attached to it. like the glass cups lamb has used on him in the past, but more mechanical and easier to use.
he touches the handle. almost like a well pump, vaguely. same principle, he assumes. sucking up like a siphon.
and lamb wants to pump him until he can fuck him. thinks they can get his cock fat enough to fuck into him. it won't be like his fantasies; j'gar has no illusions that he'll get that big, and toys will be the only way he can stretch lamb out so well, but.
gods, he could fuck lamb with his dick. maybe.
"okay," j'gar says breathlessly. "okay. yeah. can we try that?"
lamb laughs, soft. "get your underwear off and let's see," they say.
she stands back up then, not half kneeling. j'gar pushes his weight into his heels and one hand behind himself and tugs his underwear down to his thighs. the fabric is just wet at the center. he sits back down and kicks them the rest of the way off, sits crosslegged and eager.
"where d'you want me?" he asks.
"i think the bed is fine. are you comfortable?"
nodding is easier; he nods, nods, nods. lamb makes an amused sound and pads around to his side of the bed. j'gar just watches, admiring.
her legs are so long. the faintest line of muscle curves along the length of his thigh when he walks, but j'gar knows he's soft, pliant.
oops. j'gar shakes his head. focus. come on. when lamb stops next to him, he leans back on his hands, keeps his legs open, offers himself up. he'll be good. lamb can get him ready to fuck her and he won't touch.
lamb sits sideways. her knee bumps j'gar's. their eyes track up from his dick to his face; j'gar shifts his hips forward an inch, trying to make himself more prominent.
it works, in a way; it gets lamb's hands on him, fingers spreading him open to really look at his cock when it stands alone. j'gar feels his breath in his throat, swallows around it. lamb thumbs his foreskin back but doesn't tease, instead knocking a knuckle on either side of him and pulling gently, curiously. like he's checking to make sure he'll be good for him, and of course he can because lamb will make him. lamb can use him how she wants, tell him how to make her feel good, and he'll be so good, so good.
"your dick is definitely bigger," lamb says, and there's something like pride in their voice. "look at you."
"i know, it's amazin'. iunno what it is but it's- i didn' think i'd ever-" the words catch in a hitch.
lamb lets him go to lean forward and hug him, chin on his shoulder for just a moment. "you're okay, jay, i know. do you need a minute? want to stop?"
gods.
j'gar sniffles, tucks his face against lamb's neck and just breathes. her hair is damp and smells like rain. they are warm against him, the lightest pressure; lamb isn't putting his weight into him, holding herself up in the lean. when j'gar nods against her, she straightens up, dark eyes searching his face. the sort of playfulness sobers out them as quick as it came on.
"sorry," j'gar mumbles. he laughs, awkwardly. "i didn'- didn' mean to get emotional there. i, uh. whoops."
"don't think anything of it."
"i was just- 'fore you came in, i was kinda thinkin' about fuckin' you, but i had more of, uh." he gestures downward. "a more traditional set'a features."
"oh," says lamb.
j'gar crooks a smile. "must be 'm a little more sensitive today 'bout it, is all. you okay workin' with me a little?"
"of course, j'gar." lamb bumps his shoulder with a loose fist. "do you still want to try my idea or go with something that doesn't put pressure on you? not that- i don't mean for it to be any kind of pressure, i was just. was i too much too fast?"
"no, no, no, hon, you ain't done nothin', i promise. i was kinda wonderin' if i could fuck you without a toy too, you're not pressurin' me."
"well, how were you thinking about it?"
j'gar takes a breath. embarassment warms his cheeks faintly. "i was just sorta thinkin'. i kinda forgot about your pump thin', so i thought. you'd have to tease me for a while so i'd get real hard. then you'd be lyin' on your back with your knees up, maybe a pillow under your hips t'keep you more comfy? make sure you're angled right for me. then i think i could maybe hold my dick up a little and fuck you for real."
"i like that idea," lamb says, tracing distracted patterns in the hair on his thigh. "what if you were holding my legs up near my chest, and i held myself open for you?"
"oh. y'think it'd work?"
"i think," lamb says, reaching over to set the pump in his lap, "if we use this, you could work your cock in me," teasing a finger down the dark line of hair on his stomach, "and i could feel you cum in me. would you like that?"
j'gar leans forward until his forehead meets lamb's shoulder, nods, nods, nods against her. a laugh bubbles in her throat, and her hands find j'gar's jaw, fingers ghosting over the wispy stubble there. he feels them press a kiss to his head.
"let's get you ready then, huh?"
"want you'a do it," mumbles j'gar, mouthing his tusks against their arm. "i like when you do it."
"you gotta sit up then, jay," lamb says.
"mm, fine."
he goes easily, leaning back on his hands again. he spreads his thighs back out. lamb crawls over the bed to sit next to him, cuddling up against his side. her chest is soft on his arm. then he grabs the glass cylinder of the pump, lines it up over j'gar's dick. his open thighs make it easy to fit it over him, the flared base of it flush against his skin.
the tubing drapes over his leg. the handle of it balances on lamb's knee. she keeps a hand on the cylinder so it doesn't slip off of him and pulls on the handle.
that's always weird. there's a pressure and j'gar watches as his dick swells an inch up the tube. the suction pulls the foreskin back. and it just stays like that. holds his cock up and on display without any stimulation. lamb tugs lighter on the handle and his cock fills another inch.
"no pain?" lamb asks.
"ah, no, hon. good. i'm good."
"let me know if it hurts."
lamb only holds the suction for a few minutes, maybe. it's hard to tell. it feels like ages. he's hard and he can't touch, can't do anything about it. then lamb presses something on the tubing and the pressure releases with a hiss of air. his dick relaxes back, not much bigger than before. she doesn't pull the handle again right away, instead just holding it in a lazy grip while he peppers j'gar's shoulder in kisses.
"so," lamb says softly. the pressure hikes again. "you were thinking about fucking me?"
gods, right. j'gar ducks his head with a bashful laugh. "yeah, it wasn't nothin' special, i was just makin' you feel good."
"you like making me feel good."
"'course," says j'gar. he winces a little when lamb pulls an inch more; the pressure relaxes quickly. "i can make myself feel good whenever. wanna make you feel good always."
"you do, sweetheart. you're so good to me. how were you fucking me? hmm?"
"you were ridin' me. i usually-" j'gar laughs. "i usually give myself a big dick 'cause i- you know i like stretchin' you open."
"you do," lamb says, voice curled with something. teasing, almost. he pulls the handle. "anything else?"
"nah, i just- y'always make me stop for a bit. usually i still getta stay in you, you jus' tell me i can't move."
"oh. oh, i like that. fantasy me has some good ideas. like if we were just sitting on the couch reading and you kept your cock warm in me so i'd be all ready for you when i want you to fuck me?"
j'gar groans. "lamb," he pleads.
"we could even keep you plugged up too, hmm? my good boy?" lamb lets go of the glass and it stays suctioned on; she traces the rim of it, then lower. "or i get you all nice and close, then after you make me cum on your cock, i could blow you?"
"gods, honey- i-"
the pressure eases off. the cylinder stays on, though. his cock doesn't shrink back to its normal size; it drops a little, not held up, but it stays thick. fills up the base of the pump and an inch or two up. he's too swollen for the pump to fall off. j'gar groans, head lulling back.
"little more, jay," lamb says, "i want you just a little bigger, then you can fuck me."
"lamb, 'm so hard already. you don't- can i just jerk off for a second?"
"no, come on, you can do it. you're being so good for me."
lamb pumps him again. he feels his cock sucked again, that weird, aching pull. he can't touch himself, even if he wanted to. there's thin but solid glass in the way, keeping him hard and aching.
"oh, jay, look at you. look, hon," lamb croons.
dizzy, j'gar picks his head up. his mind feels fuzzy, blurry at the edges.
the pump is suctioned hard on his cock. he fills up half the cylinder, squashed against the walls. gods. j'gar whimpers. his dick twitches in the tube and that's.
oh. oh god.
lamb pulls the handle just an bit more. fuck. his cock twitches again. not just some transferred thing from his hole clenching.
fuck, fuck, fuck. his breath stutters.
"lamb, sweetheart, i- please. i'm good. i'm ready. please? can i make you feel good?" j'gar begs, resting his head on lamb's at his shoulder.
the pressure drops. his cock relaxes but he fills up a little over a quarter of the cylinder. lamb eases the pump off of him with a slick sound and- oh.
fuck. he has a dick. small, still, but it's. all the hair can't hide it now. it stands up eager, aching. the head alone is- j'gar makes a sound low in his throat. he's at least three times bigger. his foreskin doesn't cover the head, too pulled back from how hard he is.
lamb croons against his side. her fingers are already slick when she frames his cock with her thumb and index, stroking the foreskin over the shaft. that little touch sparks electric up his spine, sensitivity ratched up. j'gar can't help it; whimpering, he rocks his hips into it. his head lulls back, arousal fuzzy at the base of his skull.
"lamb- ah, fuck, you-" he groans, voice a rumble in his throat. "g- gimme a second."
"you're so good, my good boy," lamb says, smearing a kiss to his jaw. but she lets him go, sits up from her slouch. "you catch your breath. i'll get ready."
a flinch lingering in his hips, j'gar lowers himself to lean against the headboard. he closes his eyes, takes a deep breath. his cock throbs with his pulse and the sheets beneath him are damp with sweat and slick. he could just rut himself against his hand and cum and it would be so good, but.
but no. no, he wants to fuck lamb. lamb wants to get fucked, and j'gar is good and he's so hard and fuck fuck fuck his dick is so big. his next breath out is a whine.
"you good, jay?" lamb says gently.
"yeah- yeah. fuck. can i-?"
"you have to come here then."
lamb doesn't need to ask twice. j'gar scrambles to his knees. lamb is lying on his back with his knees bent, feet flat on the bed. there are two pillow under his hips. he lifts his legs once j'gar shuffles in closer, bites down a moan when j'gar grips his thighs and presses his knees up to his chest. it opens lamb up so well, spreads their pussy out so he's on display, wetness dribbling down his ass.
fuck. lamb got off on pumping his dick.
"how's the angle look?" asks lamb, blush growing across her cheeks. "another pillow, or one less?"
"ah, lemme see," j'gar says.
it's different without the harness. j'gar nudges forward until he can kneel with his hips flush against lamb's ass, pressing them into position. that does something; lamb's breath hitches and his hole clenches around nothing. oh. that's.
adjusting his grip under her knees, he spreads lamb's thighs farther and pushes her knees down towards the bed. and she goes easily with a soft sound, that flush blossoming up their chest. their pussy spasms again and j'gar's dick is right there; he can't help rutting against them, all warm and soft and wet, curling over as pleasure twists low in his gut.
"you feel so hard," lamb says, almost awestruck. he doesn't move - maybe can't, with j'gar's weight on him - just lets j'gar grind desperately against him. "you must have to cum so bad. but you'd stop if i told you to. do i tell you to stop?"
"no, please, darlin', i- fuck, i'm tryin', i'm- can- can you hold your legs up, please? i need a hand." god, he sounds so needy, whimper curling his voice.
"of course. slow down a little, okay? come on. i know you want to cum, but you'll feel so much better with your cock in me."
"okay. okay."
lamb's right. j'gar's breath stutters, but he stops, hips pressed flush to lamb's. trying to settle, think past the cotton in his head, he closes his eyes.
lamb's hands slide over his own, and then she's holding herself open for him. okay. he's better. j'gar opens his eyes, lets himself admire his husband for just a second. they can't keep their legs quite as close to the bed as he could, but it helps.
j'gar's fingers tremble as he pulls up on his dick. lines himself up more carefully instead of blinding rubbing himself off on them. when he rocks his hips forward- oh. oh. keeping his cock angled up with his fingers, j'gar fucks lamb in earnest. he's not deep, he knows that, tries not to let it eat at him; he can feel his dick slip against lamb's rim and then in, just enough that he aches. feels the wet slide of it, feels the needy little way lamb's pussy flutters around him.
"lamb, lamb, sweet- sweetheart, f- fuck, fuck, you feel so good. can- do you-"
"come on," lamb coaxes, so sweet. "come on, j'gar, my good boy. oh- oh, you're so good at fucking me. you want to cum for me? fill me up?"
"fuck-" j'gar's loses his rhythm, grinding mindlessly into lamb's hole. he groans, repositions his dick to try and fuck in deeper. "can- can you feel me?"
"yeah- yes- oh, that's it, that's it, come on, darling, cum inside me. you're so close, so close," lamb breathes.
"fuck, fuck, fuck-"
champagne bubbles burst down his spine, shimmering in his hips, his cock. distantly, he can feel lamb trying to rock up to meet him, but she has no leverage; it just convulses his rim around his dick like he's trying to pull him deeper. their pussy on his dick; not a toy, not his fingers, not his tongue; his real cock, hard and hot and pumped up just so he can fuck lamb how she wants.
oh. there it is. there it is. all at once, overwhelming, that fuzzy feeling peaks. his nerves sing with it. a moan catches in his throat, stuttering around nonsense sounds shaped like /lamb, lamb, lamb/. his thrusts hiccup and jump as his dick pulses against lamb. /in/ lamb.
lamb's voice is hazy, incredulous and aching. "fuck, j'gar, i can feel you cumming."
/fuck/. he's floating, feels like he's floating. j'gar ruts into him until the ache slows, slows. the need lessens with his pulse. sweetness suffused through every inch of him, j'gar curls over lamb, letting go of his cock and pulling out with a small, wet sound. laughing breathlessly, he braces himself on lamb's thighs.
"fuck, honey," j'gar laughs.
"you did so good," says lamb dazedly, voice curled around a smile, "my good boy."
"did you- fuck. did you cum?"
"no, but oh, nothing- you did wonderfully, fucked me so well. i just couldn't really touch my clit like that. oh, you were so good."
"oh, darlin', i can't have that. not after i got to fuck you like that. can i take care'a you?" j'gar asks, shuffling his knees back to lower himself, hands still holding lamb's thighs.
lamb looks at him with impossibly dark eyes. "gods, j'gar, yes," she breathes.
"tha's my girl," j'gar croons.
he lets go of lamb's legs to let him drape them over his shoulders, keep him down where they need him. she relaxes into it with a sigh, a little jumpy flinch and a mumble about pins and needles. that's cute.
j'gar needs no preamble; he stuffs three fingers in lamb's hole, delighting as he quivers around them, and sucks his clit like honey into his mouth. their hands find his hair quickly, tangling in the curls and tugging him how they want him.
gloriously, it doesn't take long. she's already so wet from his dick; j'gar feels the needy twitch of his pussy quickly. they're so easy for him.
lamb comes undone on his fingers and tongue with a strangled half-noise, heels digging into his back. and that's so good, so good. feeling her spasm and clench around his fingers, there's something better about it now, knowing how they feel on his cock. j'gar coaxes him through it, crooking his fingers as he fucks them in gentle, swirling his tongue over the little head of his dick.
the hands in his hair tighten and pull after a few heartbeats; lamb pulls him off of his clit with a whimper. "too much, jay, ease up a little," she gasps.
"lemme clean you up at least," j'gar says.
"be gentle."
"i got you, sweetheart, no worries."
he doesn't tease. doesn't try to rile lamb up more or push them over the edge again. he curls his fingers as he draws them out, shiny and wet with a string of slick connecting them. pride shivers down his back; lamb got so wet all for him. but he needs to focus. come on. j'gar flattens his tongue in a broad stripe up the seam of him, tastes himself on lamb's hole and that's so good.
lamb hums a sweet little sigh and shifts her hips. the hands in his hair let him go to trace down his jaw, clutch his face and pull him up. j'gar goes easily, willingly, affection a warm ache in his chest. when lamb drags him for a kiss, that's just as good. his tusks get in the way but lamb never minds. they just smile against his mouth.
"good mornin'," j'gar says with a laugh. lamb's lips tickle his.
lamb laughs too, breathless. "good morning. what are- j'gar, don't say pussy - what are we doing for breakfast?"
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