Reading your post abt Jill never posting personal stuff abt her kids, I feel like every time one of her kids (as well as other fundies but they’re the clearest example) get engaged or married I always think: what do you see in them? Like not in a mean way, but it just feels like every shred of personality has been stolen from these people, like they’re genuinely all the same person. Same interests (Jesus and church), same quiet sweetness, same wants and desires (babies and babies), same opinions on every topic. It honestly just feels like Nathan could’ve married Kaylee and Jonathan could’ve married Nurie and they would’ve been equally happy. idk it just makes me sad that if you asked Nathan what he likes abt Nurie he probably wouldn’t be able to say anything unique to her, just that she’s a sweet helpmeet who loves Jesus. not that she’s goofy or also a big sports fan or sarcastic or whatever

Yea I mean you hit the nail on the head. Idk if what I'm going to say next is obvious or not, because I just don't have any context for a child/teenage hood without a Christian influence, but in my world there totally was an ideal way to be for women and men and it had very little to do with individual characteristics.

I see a more concentrated version of it in the fundie world, for women it's being happy, upbeat, benign, outgoing (but not too much), extremely dedicated to religion and studying the Bible, modest, and as close to the conventional standard of beauty as you can possibly get. Hobbies outside of anything church related should be practical in some other way and very rarely just your own enjoyment. And if you're ever discussing feelings outside of joy, you have to keep it shallow and generalized and always have an optimistic spin (usually something to do with how everything's ok bc it's God's plan etc etc the ex-christians out there know the spiel).

So when looking for your future spouse, regardless of your gender, you're first looking for someone who meets the Godly Man or Woman criteria. Whether you get along with someone is important too, but it's secondary to the first thing. It'd be better to have a Godly spouse than one you had tons in common with who didn't meet that criteria, if that makes sense.

So in that kind of dating environment, the more the person you're dating is like all the women or men you know (at least the ones you respect) the more desirable they actually are, ya know? Because there's a very cut and dry definition of the kind of person everyone should be, and anyone too different is then just inherently not a Good person.