#objectively im FINE at this i rank a 5/10 at LEAST | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

separatist-apologist · 9 months

Note

Fall is in the air MB. Please rate the ACOTAR boys on how likely they are to be a PSL dude

I was just thinking how much I missed when people were asking me to do my rankings. If you're new here, remember that my opinion is the only objective one in the fandom and I accept 0 criticism if you disagree. Ranking Least likely to most likely.

9. Tamlin- Do you know how many calories/additives are in a PSL? He's a tea man, besides.

8. Kallias- Look, he's a chestnut praline guy. Halloween, fall weather, even PSL is just an annoying prelude to the REAL holiday- Non-denominational solstice. He's not interested in it- it's not bad, it's just...not good.

7. Tarquin- Life is natures caffeine, okay? He doesn't begrudge anyone for enjoying it, but if he wants that sweet rush of dopamine (OR WHATEVER ITS DOING TO OUR BRAINS IM NOT A SCIENTIST), he'll go outside for a hike. Do you, but no thanks.

6. Rhys- I think Rhys WANTS to be a PSL dude. He's got the scarf (give it back to Taylor Rhys!!!), he's got the fall foliage in the background. He's even got the PSL in hand. It's just...it tastes SO BAD he doesn't understand why people like it. 1/10 for trying

5. Jurian- It's FINE, okay? It's nothing special, just a drink and honestly people should get a grip.

4. Cassian- Thought it was going to be life changing. Like Rhys, loves to do a thirst trap for the 'gram when its PSL season. He prefers the frap if we're being honest (don't tell Nesta because she might want to put sugar in her oatmeal if she knew)

3. Lucien- Pumpkin everything, obviously. He's not publicizing it for likes, but everyone knows he's first in line the day PSL is back, double fisting them to make up for lost time. Blood to caffeine content is just pumpkin, he's vibrating at the speed of sound

2. Azriel- Tries to make his own at home but it's not the same. Dumps his PSL in an at-home travel cup, if you ask him what he's drinking, he'll lie and say "coffee, black." Also thinks Rhys should give Taylor back her scarf (c'mon, it's just the right thing to do, man).

Eris Vanserra, king of the pumpkin spice latte. Oh you don't like it? Sorry you have bad taste, couldn't be him. Doing an internet countdown, live vlogs himself taking that first sip, dog sitting at his feet in a matching vest. Why is he on a hike with a PSL? Don't ask questions, alright? Minor internet feud with Kallias over which seasonal drink is the best, vicious followers cause Kallias to concede.

#again if you disagree with my rankings: youre wrong #you have to think with your brain and not your [redacted]#atw 10 minute version (rhys version)

16 notes · View notes

alltooreid · 3 years

Note

please do rank mgg's movies on how much you liked them ! i've only seen a couple and i'd love to hear it :D

omg i got so many asks and im so happy so first of all thank you everyone!! @ssa-m-187 also asked for this so im just gonna do it in one

just to clarify this is ranked purely on my favs, not how long mgg is in it or how important he is (also spoiler free cause of course i want everyone to watch any of these that sound interesting to them!!)

also this is subjective! so if i say i dont like anyones fav or i love ur least fav its all good!! opinions and commentary are good and im just being dramatic in these casual reviews cause its fun

18. zoe

this movie annoyed me, because its SO BORING, i struggled to make it through the full thing cause it is not interesting at all imo. i wouldn't recommend you watch unless you specifically (like me) wanna be able to say you watched them all

17. beautiful girl/the ugly life of a beautiful girl

mgg himself said he didnt think this movie would ever see the light of day and i completely understand why, it wasn't made well, and there was almost no actual point (ALSO THE ENDING MADE ME WANNA SHOVE MY HEAD INTO A WALL)

however... if you wanna see mgg play a *ahem* adult film director than i will not judge you

also if anyone was to ask me to rate them based on how hot he looks this one would be HIGH

anyway moving on

16. endings, beginnings

once this was SO BORING... how can a movie with 4 of my celebrity crushes struggle to hold my attention so much?? ill tell you CAUSE ITS NOT VERY GOOD and all the characters suck and are boring (except mgg plays this like perfect ex boyfriend so good job casting department)

15. rv

its just... not funny... like it gets to be up here cause i wasnt bored out of my mind but its just.. not funny at all

14. newness

i know a lot of people love this one but i just didnt vibe with it, i expected it to be something it wasn't and i think that's partly the fault of how they marketed it but it made me a little peeved

13. the great buck howard

probably the most average out of every film on here, i really have no take aways from it, its fine but like i wouldn't recommend you go watch it if that makes sense

12. 68 kill

please dont murder me, i know my opinions are unpopular everyone but I DONT LIKE IT, i think its entertaining, i think its fun to watch with friends so you can all make fun of it together but its just not a objectively good movie

also its incredibly misogynistic

11. life after beth

this one i know is objectively bad but i cant help but love it anyways... its just fun and entertaining

10. magic valley

i struggle where to place this one, it's definitely interesting and thought provoking... but i dont think its one of the best

i liked it more the more i sat and thought about it

9. how to be a serial killer

i like this one a lot!! if you can find it i say watch it, but it's not a stand out for me personally

8. hot air

ONCE AGAIN I KNOW THIS IS LIKE EVERYONES FAV AND ALL THAT but i just dont like the "homewrecker" trope, in like really any kind of media

i feel like it's romanticized a lil here and that kind of turned me off

however!! i understand why people like this one and other than that i think this one is really good so i would definitely recommend it

7. trash fire

i thought about this movie for hours after i watched it... its so good... like ahhhh i really like this one (its a lil... strange though so it might not be for everyone if that makes sense)

6. (500) days of summer

not a love story but so good (im telling yall this cause youll hate it if you think its a love story oops)

5. the life aquatic with steve zissou

compelling, interesting, and i love a good unreliable narrator, it truly keeps me going

4. band of robbers

this is also an unpopular opinion but i love this one (im allowed to like movies for the sole reason that theyre fun yall and this is one of them)

3. horse girl

WATCH THE FULL THING, EVERYONE JUST WATCHES THE ONE SCENE BUT I PROMISE THIS WHOLE MOVIE IS SUCH A GOOD VIEWING EXPERIENCE AND SO WORTH IT

2. suburban gothic

one of the funniest movies ever imo, its my go to comfort movie

1. excision

NO ONE TALKS ABOUT THIS ONE BECAUSE HES NOT IN IT A TON BUT ITS GENUINELY ONE OF THE BEST MOVIES IVE EVER SEEN

IM STILL THINKING ABOUT IT AND ITS BEEN MONTHS SINCE IVE SEEN IT

HOWEVER, its disturbing (i watched it while eating lunch, i would strongly suggest you DONT do that) and has a lot of cutting and general medical/surgical horror, if that is not your thing maybe dont watch this one

but seriously i dont think this movie is appreciated enough, i love it and im so glad i decided one time i was gonna watch all the mgg movies cause i would have never seen this otherwise

#mgg #matthew gray gubler

48 notes · View notes

viralhottopics · 7 years

Text

A Definitive Ranking Of 2000s Rom Coms

Although people who peaked in high school like to act poetic about how great the 2000s were, they werent actually any better than the present day. I mean, it was a time when Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake wore matching denim outfits in public and nobody carted them off to an insane asylum.

But Im prepared to make a concession on two points: 1) At least we werent under the administration of a sentient slime mold wearing a bad wig. 2) The 2000s were a golden age for romantic comedies, mostly thanks to Judy Greers tireless efforts to play every heroines best friend. Plus, only like half the jokes were sexist, and there was about an 80% chance pre-pretentious Matthew McConaughey would show up.

Obviously, a betch has to be picky about her rom-comssome are shitty in a good way, but others are best avoided in case someone catches you watching them. To guide your Netflix viewings, here’s a totally objective list of 00s rom coms. If you disagree, which Im sure everyone will, please note that Im not actually forcing you to watch these movies; Im just saying that if you regularly watch any of the bottom five, you have terrible taste.

14.

is considered a modern classic by two groups of people. 1) men in their late 20s with a crush on Natalie Portman and a thriving quarter-life crisis and 2) 8th graders in 2004 under the assumption that any movie that features a Shins track in its soundtrack is automatically deep. To everyone else, its a film about self-absorbed white people whining about their lives until theyre magically fixed by the power of mixtapes. There are approximately a zillion issues with this film, beginning with Zach Braffs complete lack of expression and ending with the fact that you cant cure real depression by listening to The Shins, no matter how clearly superior the soundtrack is to anything else in this film. Worst of all, though, is the fact that Natalie Portman played a manic pixie dream girl so obnoxious I still dream about strangling her character sometimes. Padme deserves so much better.

13.

Im not saying romantic comedies have to make much sense, but s plot is mystifying. Matthew McConaugheys parents are tired of him living at home, so they call in a lady high class escort (Sarah Jessica Parker) whose job is literally seducing men into moving out of their parents basements and unceremoniously dumping them. Because that’s plausible, and not at all fucked up to force your son to fall in love with someone you’re paying. Ridiculous premise aside, you know a movie is terrible when famed nicegirl Zooey Deschanel is the best thing about it.

12. Monster-in-Law

In case you missed this one, and for your sake I hope you did, is about Jane Fonda inexplicably being terrible to Jennifer Lopez, who walks a lot of dogs and is engaged to Fondas son. That right there should tell you all you need to knowI cannot think of one movie that JLo was in that was anything above mild torture, and we’re supposed to root for her character why, exactly? If my son was engaged to a full-time dog walker you can best believe I’d do everything short of actual murder to put a stop to that bullshit.

11.

Im told some people love this movie, but Jesus fucking Christ, is it possible for the two main characters to be any more appalling? Here you have two assholes manipulating the shit out of each other and just generally acting psychotic, all to win a stupid bet with their friends. They really should call it “How To Act Like A Psychopath And Lose Your Dignity.”

10.

Not gonna lie, I fucking adored when I was an impressionable preteen. It had time travel! Mark Ruffalo! A makeover scene! Years later, the movie is still fun to watch, even if it is way too obsessed with the 80s, but the jokes are more cute than funny. Also, why would anyone allow their 13-year-old child to go to a sleepover hosted by a 30-year-old? That is … questionable to say the least. Not to mention Jennifer Garner’s character does a reverse transformation from a betch into a nicegirl and dumps her hot pro bf in favor of her formerly fat friend. Blah blah, true love, I don’t give a fuck. Tenth.

is close to being wrapped in cutesy narration, but it’s far superior. For one thing, it reintroduced the world to Joseph Gordon-Levitts dimples. For another, it manages to be a fairly realistic depiction of a shitty millennial relationship without being super fucking depressing. But thats also kind of the problemrom coms arent supposed to be realistic, theyre supposed to be clich and feel-good, and I don’t care what you say, Summer is a thot. I have literally stayed up at night mapping how she could have possibly met someone worthy of engagement a mere 118 days after she broke up with Tom, and only six days after attending a wedding as his guest (yes I did the mathI told you; this movie keeps me up at night). No matter how you slice it, she had to have cheated on somebody.

Full disclosure: As a Southern betch, Im stoked that takes place right next door. (Dear Hollywood: An entire country exists between New York and LA.) But even though it features Patrick Dempsey as the other man, Josh Lucas with a dreamy Southern accent, and Reese Witherspoon, there are still some issues. Mainly, WTF WERE YOU THINKING, MELANIE? Did you really dump your future president fianc for your secret redneck husband just so “the first boy you kissed could also be your last”? I’ve heard of trying to keep your number down, but damn if this isn’t some delusional shit.

Everyone on planet Earth can relate to having a batshit crazy family, and thats exactly what makes appealing. The two leads are fine, considering they’re not Kate Hudson or Matthew McConaughey, but the extended family is everyones favorite part of the movie. Honestly the most memorable moment to come out of this movie is the “put some Windex on it”pretty good deal for Windex, not so much for the people who actually starred in the movie. However, it does get points for the memorable line: “The man may be the head of the household, but the woman is the neck and she can turn the head any way she pleases.”

The plot is pretty flimsy (a Canadian businesswoman has to marry her assistant to avoid deportation) but everyone loves a story where the couple starts out hating each other and eventually falls in love. The cast is what makes this movie pure rom com gold: Sandra Bullock, Ryan Reynolds, and Betty fucking White, who gifted us with the infamous Native American dance scene. Basically, it’s predictable but ridiculous, making it better than some of the other garbage movies on this list.

Admittedly, is probably to blame for some of the chubby man-child/beautiful, svelte woman couplings we see in the media that give men unrealistic beauty expectations (of the types of women they can expect to date), otherwise known as The Beyonc/Jay Z Phenomenon. But whatevs. Its a good movie. Seth Rogen has that whole dad bod thing going onapparently a thing some people are intoand Katherine Heigl was at the top of her rom com game before she pissed off the entire cast of .is actually hilarious, which is enough to make up for the fact that Katherine Heigl appears in it.

Even aside from my undeniable crush on youthful Sandra Bullock, is a quintessential early-2000s romantic comedy. Allow me to explain. 1) It stars an ambitious career woman who dont need no man. 2) But she kind of wants one anyway, and everyone realizes what a catch she is when she puts on lipstick and a dress. 3) Did I mention its plot is literally an extended makeover scene as Bullock goes from bad ass FBI agent to bad ass beauty pageant contestant? I rest my case. Add in some cute female friendships and a scene in which Bullock teaches us how to fend off an attacker, and its basically required viewing every year.

You had to know was going to make the list despite this amazing take-down article of why it’s actually terrible. With approximately a bajillion storylines going on, its hard not to find one you like and get invested, and it doesnt hurt that the film features every well-known British actor under the sun. Im not sure how the movie manages to juggle all the different plots without being confusing and/or boring, but Im not gonna question it. However, this shit is TOO FUCKING LONG. If I have to pop an Adderall just to make it through a damn movie (which I do), you need to send your editors back to the drawing board.

is the perfect example of a rom com thats super clich in theory, but in practice, its so fucking heartwarming it doesnt even matter (ugh). Katherine Heigl plays ultimate nicegirl Jane (in case the fact that her name is “Jane” wasn’t enough of a clue), whos been part of 27 weddings and miraculously hasnt gone broke from buying all the bridesmaid dresses. The dudes are pretty forgettable, but Janes psychotic sister and slutty best friend totally steal the spotlight, elevating the film to truly betchy heights.

P.S. For once, James Marsden plays the leading man, so his preternaturally perfect face gets more screen time, #bless.

Bridget Joness Diary is the ultimate feel-good movie, as in its literally impossible to watch it without feeling your icy soul thaw ever so slightly at the end. The titular character starts out fat, single, and past the age of 30, so basically our worst nightmare. By the end, though, she manages to bang Hugh Grant and Colin Firth, land a better job, and become a self-described wanton sex goddess. If those arent your life goals, you clearly need to start your own self-help journey.