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#nooo it's got to be literal months of me getting increasingly stupid until there's nothing left of my brain because it's all been replaced
running-in-the-dark 4 months
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oh, I see. it's one of those nights.
#going insane going insane going insane#too many men in my head and they're all the same guy but not but#uhgghh I need to stop looking at him but I can't and he's so beautiful and I'm so unbelievably stupid#no thoughts in my head just him#and him and him#the three of them#stupid idiot guys with their same stupid pretty face and uggh I hate them#and by hate I mean want oh my god I want them so bad I'm losing my mind#other people are beautiful too! why can't I be normal about this?? why does this need to happen#just. be like. oh hey he's hot I'd fuck him. and move on. like a normal person#nooo it's got to be literal months of me getting increasingly stupid until there's nothing left of my brain because it's all been replaced#by tiny versions of him#it's literally FINE.#people are attracted to people literally all the fukcing time why can't I be normal about this oh my god this is so humiliating#BUT I can't keep it in my mind or my head will explode and for some reason that would be bad. apparently.#AND why can't I just think he's hot??? WHY does it have to become my entire personality?? what do I like? oh him of course. no like what are#my hobbies? oh looking at him and painting him and thinking about him. NO besides that - umm there IS nothing besides that actually?? I've#never had an interest in my life and I don't even know what you mean 馃檮 I sit here and think about a man (now it's three of them but#whatever)#what else would there be 馃檮馃檮馃檮馃檮 ridiculous.#ugh why can't I just be really fully completely ace? this is so unnecessary I don't want it it's horrible 馃槴#except it's not its the best it's fucking incredible because I think about his face and it's like I'm seeing everything and it all makes#sense finally and why would anything else ever matter again#oh my GOD dude if I could hear myself right now. I'd be so embarrassed. but I can't because there's just a billion tiny eliots and alexes#and jacobs in my head and that's all there is#man maybe I should start doing drugs or start drinking again#okay whatever *goes back to watching the librarians and giggling like a maniac every time I see him*#ugh he's wearing a cute jacket and I need to hug him so bad oh my god it's killing meee. soft soft soft. must touch. ugggh
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