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#nobody ever sat down and said 'wow the way the jiang parents treated you while send you all away during the attack was really messed up
llycaons · 2 years
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and like....a huge part of wwx’s character/desires even though it rarely comes though in his actual actions (bc he’s driven by things other than what he personally wants) is how deeply he wants to be part of a home and to belong somewhere, and to belong with someone. and this arose naturally due to his childhood but it keeps getting reinforced throughout each tragedy he encounters in the story as well
orphaned at such a young age, naturally he clung to LP and to the family he found there and to the community of people there....and later he threw everything he had into making the BM hospitable and the wens made it more comfortable for him by building him a place that reminded him of his old home...he loves so fiercely and so selflessly and every single family he’s had and every single home he’s had he’s lost to violence and destruction and misfortune and cruelty and he’s been abandoned, relentlessly, again and again and again, left to pick up the pieces and expected to deal with it all alone, rarely with anyone to comfort or reassure him. all this as a teenager/very young adult. all this. the fight that killed jxz was terrible for so many reasons, but one of the smallest details was the most painful - jin ling’s bracelet being destroyed, wwx being told you can never have this, you don’t belong with them. no wonder he was moved to tears when jiang yanli stepped in front of him to defend him to the jins. no wonder he took the estrangement with the jiangs so poorly. no wonder he craves returning to LP long after he believes it to be impossible
and that’s (one of the reasons) why lwj simply standing beside him and vowing to help him postres is so important to him. even if he can’t articulate it, even if he’s too used to solitude not to deny himself it out of habit. there’s a lot of things he wants but this reassurance from lwj satisfied a very deep need he’s had for a long time. to belong with someone, to be supported, to be able to rely on someone else and not do everything alone. something this basic, this foundational to him that he craves even as he reflexively rejects it
I do think he needed that journey at the end of the show but I also think once he’s done with it he’ll never want to be alone for that long again. I think postcanon wwx wants stability. a home. to belong to a place and to a community, and most importantly, to belong with a person, a partner who’s on his side. and I don’t know if that place will be CR but that person will definitely be lwj
#I didn;t know how to end this I started tearing up because I love him so bad and his story hurts so much#he's everything to me <3#I want him to reconcile w his brother...I want him to spend time with jin ling....I want him to hang out with the wens...#I want him to be a very cherished and fulfilled and well-fed husband and I want him to go home to a place he knows will welcome him#I want him to be protected and defended by the people around him!! and not just lan teenagers!!!#I WANT HIM TO PROCESS HIS TRAUMA INSTEAD OF TRYING TO IGNORE IT!!!!#trying to move past it is great except he won't even dwell on it enough for that to be possible#he could use a little wallowing. maybe he needs to get it out#I feel like he's been unable to grieve for anyone since his parents died bc it wasn't his right or because#other people were more important and had to be prioritized or something#it's a particular cruelty that I don't think any other character is subjected to#I want HIM to be prioritized for once!! I want him to take care of himself and be talen care of!!#I want him to be able to grieve! he has like one scene w jyl but that's IT!!!#I want him to be able to express himself and know he won't be punished for it! I want him not to feel guilty about receiving affection!#<- when I get really into it I start channeling the spirit of lwj. but I can't help it he stresses me out so much and I love him to death#nobody ever sat down and said 'wow the way the jiang parents treated you while send you all away during the attack was really messed up#and its not true it wasn't your fault and you should have been protected' BUT NOBODY WILL. because he won't TELL anyone about it and jc#probably didn't even register since he was in a nightmare of his own#like I know jc and wwx love each other but jc does not have the emotional capacity to be who wwx needs....not even that it's a failing#on jc's part it's just too much of an emotional burden and he's not used to needing to handle it bc wwx lies about it#jc is not. suited for taking care of people to put it lightly. he tries. he does love. but he's...continuously led by his own needs/wants#and he seems to find it difficult to empathize with or prioritize others#and even when he does it's very. rough. agressive. I see glimmers of hope for the future in the final scene. he smiled!!!#but the way he;s been so far#which makes it nightmarishly difficult to maintain or create a relationship w him. even his siblings found it hard/draining#except jyl ig bc shes an ANGEL but if that was my brother. god id be tired all day#cql txp
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