gonna get a little personal for a second. when i say i imprinted so hard on trent crimm... boy i imprinted so hard on trent crimm. my love of writing, being intensely bullied when i was in school, keeping so many parts of myself secret but yearning to just be me, cool glasses; i could go on for ages. like i immediately vibed with this guy.

i've struggled with my gender and sexuality for a long time. i'd always felt "off" and could never quite pin down what it was. and while i eventually figured out that i'm a bisexual transmasc enby, i felt embarrassed. to me it felt like i had already come out for other things and that there had to be a limit to what those i love could accept. (like, okay kieran, what are you this time? these of course being my own anxiety thoughts, as my family has been very supportive.) i was - and am - in a place where there aren't other people like me and people like me aren't spoken about kindly. so i made no steps to transition in any way because i was scared of how people around me would react and of having to explain myself. i was afraid of committing to something like that. (yeah, the "you'll have to deal with being trans forever" narrative got me. fuck terfs.) i was scared. i didn't want to upset or disappoint anyone i love.

but i had this character that i felt a strong connection to who wasn't what you might call traditionally masculine, who i felt was queer and whose decision to completely upend his career inspired me. a few months after watching 2x12, i made an appointment at planned parenthood and i'll have been on t for a year this may. because something about trent made me realize that i had to do what made me happy. and yes, some people might not like it, but i get to decide who i am. it's my life to live and no one else's.

i'm not sure how to explain how 3x06 was so validating for me. having this character who i felt such a connection to become canon queer was just... i felt happy and comfortable and at peace. i felt so connected! and i felt so connected to so many other fans who had watched the episode and had that same feeling of belonging. i'm frankly still so jazzed that i might just float away lmao.

i don't know where the rest of the series will take us, but what i guess i'm trying to say is i'm so glad i started watching and i am so thankful for trent crimm. may everyone be as lucky to know and see themselves as i have been.